Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
In this shiur, Rav Dov Ber Cohen teaches that Elul is not a season of dread but an invitation to come home. Drawing on the image of Hashem as a loving parent who keeps a book of your most tender momen
The Rabbi Dov Ber Cohen Podcast explores Jewish mindfulness, emotional mastery, relationships, and real inner avodah.
In each shiur, Rabbi Dov Ber shares practical Torah wisdom for navigating anxiety, deepening connection, strengthening emunah, and living with greater presence and purpose.
Rooted in Chassidic depth yet grounded in everyday life, these teachings are experiential, honest, and transformative.
If you’re seeking clarity without pressure, growth without guilt, and spirituality that actually changes how you live - this podcast is for you.
Okay this is what we've said so far. So far we said that yesterday we said that Rosh Hashanah is called Yom Ha-Zikaron, which means remembrance day. And some people, especially who grew up in maybe religious homes, immediately say, \"Yes, all your sins are remembered on that day. That's why it's called remembrance day, because God's thinking about all your sins.\" But we know God is a loving father, so Hashem's actually, you know what Hashem's remembering? All your good things. Hashem has one of those books that parents have, it's like, \"Oh, the first time he crawled, cute. Oh, his first smile. It wasn't a smile, it was a fart. His first step. Oh he got his first tooth.\" That's Hashem's saying like, \"I'm so cute.\" His first Shema, his first Modeh Ani that he actually meant. Amazing. So Hashem's in love with you. Hashem's obsessed with you, in so in love with you. You'll see when you have children how obsessed you are with your children. People who have children, in love with, I love my children. I'm obsessed with my children, love them. I love it, even when they're annoying, by the way. I'm obsessed with, I just don't want to be around them, but I'm still obsessed with them. You know, Hashem's kind of the same. Grandkids, I can't wait for grandkids. I'm going to have to, but grandkids are amazing, give them back when they're annoying, amazing. So I actually do think that's a true, a fair metaphor. When we're being annoying, Hashem just doesn't want to be around. He's like, \"Guys,\" and you know what annoys Hashem more than anything else? When his children are arguing with each other and don't love each other because that one wears that kippah and that one doesn't wear a kippah and that one goes to the army and that one doesn't go to the army. Oh my goodness and Hashem's like, \"Guys, oh my goodness. Isn't it enough that the whole world hates us? Why are we hating each other, you fools? Fools.\" Hashem's like, \"Don't be fools.\" הנה מה טוב ומה נעים שבת אחים גם יחד. Anyway, the other reason we spoke about yesterday that it's called Yom Ha-Zikaron is because you've forgotten who you are and what you're doing. Absolutely forgotten. You really think that you're a body with an ego that's trying to get stuff in this world and just to be happy and have some pleasure and have a good marriage and a good job and a good house and just do that. So you've just forgot. It's not your fault. You forgot that you're a radiant, shining, holy being of divine light who is very, very, very temporarily in a physical body in order to bring consciousness to the world through your physical body. And you should have a nice marriage and a job and a nice house and a good car as well. Have that stuff. But that's not what you're here for, you crazy. You've just forgot. So yesterday we used the example of a dream. In a dream when you're asleep you have a dream and you really think it's a real, it is a real experience, but you're very passive in that experience. You're very passive, in fact you're completely passive. You're not choosing anything, you're not conscious, the dream is just happening to you. And you wake up and you're scared and you're sweaty, so it's a real experience. Then you wake up and then you realize, hold on, whoa. Now you're conscious, but then we said the state that you're in and me at the moment is waking dream state because this is still a dream compared to awakened state. Awakened state is when you're walking around with love and joy and God consciousness and שויתי ה' לנגדי תמיד and ואתם הדבקים בה' אלוהיכם חיים כולכם היום and you're just full of vitality and love and joy and sweetness. That's really awake. So most people are zombies. You're just a zombie, you're going through the day. Now you might be a religious zombie, so you're getting up and you're wearing, putting on those clothes and saying those prayers and doing this and that, but you're just a religious zombie, which is, I think it's probably better to be a religious zombie than a not religious zombie because at least you're doing kind of good stuff, but you're still a zombie. So the shofar is saying wake up, remember. Remember, don't forget, don't forget. Now we're going to keep forgetting because that's life. You're going to forget because it's hard because you've got a body and you've got your issues and you've got your stuff that you need and you've got your childhood and you've got there's so much. So you are going to forget, but you just got to keep remembering. And then we said that the whole of Judaism is just a remembrance tool. That's what the all of Halacha is, is remember. Mezuzah is to remember, brachos are to remember, tzitzis to remember. Everything is to remember, remember. Just remember, remember who you are. And then we got a reset. Elul is building up to the reset of Rosh Hashanah where everything just starts again. We're just going, there's a new king and we said what does it mean that Hashem is the king? The king is a loving king. In Judaism, the king is malchut. Malchut is leis mi'garmei klum, which means is completely nullified of ego. So the Jewish king is not in it for himself. Like Dovid Ha-Melech had no ego. He was dancing in front of the aron, his wife was like, \"You're a bit crazy.\" He said, \"Look, I'm just I'm everything's just for Hashem, I'm just here for Hashem.\" So the Jewish king is for the nation. And the Jewish king is called lev ha'am, the heart of the nation. And just like a heart is actually not there for itself, it's there to keep the rest of the body alive. Obviously itself as well. But the heart is there to pump blood and oxygen into the body, so too the king of the nation is there to pump spirituality into the nation. So we say Hashem is my king because either Hashem's going to be your king or your ego and body is going to be your king. So you're going to choose, you're going to be ruled by something. So rule, rule over your body, don't let your body rule over you. And then we said a body... is compared to a horse. A horse that is out of control, the horse that is in control, in its own control is very bad, it's going to throw its rider off and go to bad places, but once you train your horse, then you can go very far, that's what the body is, so you've got to treat your body like an animal. Great, so let's carry on. A kesher chadash, the new relationship and connection that we have with Hashem and the king, and remember that the king is our father, which is cool, he loves us, but we still have to respect, you've got to respect the king. Matchil beRosh Hashana, it starts on Rosh Hashana. ונמשיך בעשרת ימי תשובה, and it carries on in these ten days of Teshuva, which is really only seven days because you've got two days of Rosh Hashana and one day of Yom Kippur, which is part of the ten days of Teshuva, and you're not doing any Teshuva on Rosh Hashana. Remember, no Teshuva on Rosh Hashana. Rosh Hashana you're just being completely present and joyful and crowning the king. We're going to talk about that a lot before we get to Rosh Hashana, but then we've got these days of Teshuva and we said there are two different types of Teshuva. There's Teshuva which is just a yearning to come home, I want to come home, and then there's the Teshuva of what you think Teshuva is, which is beating yourself up for your mistakes. And we said even that you do wrong because you're not meant to beat yourself up, you're meant to just have some remorse and do better. So wait, you're not supposed to do Teshuva on Rosh Hashana, what are we doing now in Elul? Now we're doing forward-looking Teshuva, the Teshuva of I just want to be more connected to Hashem. Rosh Hashana there's no Teshuva, there's just I'm happy that you are Hashem. The Aseret Yimei Teshuva, then we start going into the past. What did we say yesterday, why is Yom Kippur after Rosh Hashana? That doesn't make sense. If Rosh Hashana is judgment day, whatever that means, then surely we should have Yom Kippur first, sort everything out, I messed everything up, and then okay now I'm ready, I'm clean, and I'm ready to go into judgment day. Why are we having judgment day and then Yom Kippur after? Doesn't make any sense. So the sages say it's because Rosh Hashana is just saying I want the relationship, I'm committed to the relationship, and then once I'm committed to the relationship, then I can say I'm sorry and I can rebuild the relationship. So if you go to couples therapy, the first thing the therapist is going to say to you is do you guys actually want to work on this relationship? Do you want to be married? And if the people say no, he says okay, well thanks for coming, that will be five hundred dollars, I'll see you later. But if they say no we actually do want the relationship, then he says okay, so now let's start focusing on the good each other and apologizing for the bad. So Rosh Hashana is just I want the relationship, I want to be, I want to be in the king's palace, I want to have a relationship with the king. Before that is, I, is preparing for that. Elul is just preparing for Rosh Hashana of I'm yearning to be in the king's palace, Rosh Hashana is I'm in the king's palace and I want you to be the king. Then once I've had, now, re-established my relationship, and this is who I want to be. Rosh Hashana is really and the whole of life is really about who do you want to be. Most people are all about what do I want to do and have and look like. That's what you're doing your whole life. But Judaism says it doesn't really matter what you do have and look like, it matters who you are. Who do I want to be? Who do I want to be? I want to be in the king's palace, I want to be part of the team, I want to be part of the team. Yes, hold on very quickly, and then Aseret Yimei Teshuva is, okay now I want that, I regret messing that up last year. And that's what Yom Kippur is really, I regret that. You end up Yom Kippur completely purified, and then you go into Sukkot. So we say that really Rosh Hashana is the engagement. You're getting engaged on Rosh Hashana. Yom Kippur is the Mikvah. And then Sukkot is the wedding and the Sheva Brachos, that's why you have seven days of Sukkot and that's why you're under the Chuppah for seven days. Yes. You said before Rosh Hashana is all just prepping yourself, what does that mean practically? We're going to talk about that. What does it mean? But it certainly in my mind, in other people's mind it does, it doesn't mean going back over the past year and seeing what you did wrong. That's for Aseret Yimei Teshuva and Yom Kippur. It's a different type of Teshuva, it's that I want to, it's just that I'm excited to come home, Teshuva. And the first thing we said two classes ago was just this idea of coming back to being present. Really re-identifying as who I am, I'm a soul, I'm a soul, and I'm so caught up in my body identity, and just coming back, I'm a soul, I'm a soul. And then we're going to do things like get up earlier and say more Tehillim and stop speaking Lashon Hara. But that's such superficial external Teshuva. That's what most people think Teshuva is. I'll just say more Tehillim, get up earlier, and watch less, go on social media less. But why are you speaking Lashon Hara and getting up late? It's actually because you've got bad character traits, not you, you've got bad character traits. So you're lazy and you're, you have no sense of self, and Therefore you get up late and speak lashon hara. So if you just say I'm going to get up earlier and stop speaking lashon hara, you didn't actually do teshuva. You did in a way. But it was just an external thing. There was no internal shift there. Real teshuva is an internal shift. So what you really need to do is work on the character traits that are causing your lashon hara and getting up late. But then you have to go higher. Why do you have bad character traits? It's because you forgot that there is a God. You forgot that you're a neshama. So if you actually had emunah and yira, emunah and yira which means trust in Hashem and awe, God-consciousness, then you actually wouldn't have bad character traits in the first place. And then it's really your ratzon, what do you want in life? So I'm chasing physicality or so you can go deeper and deeper and deeper and then it really gets to the point where you're just like I just want God. That's it. And if I actually really just wanted the right thing then I wouldn't have bad character so you can just cut off all the branches and then but you'll have to keep doing that or you could get to the root of everything. So that's the kind of teshuva that we're doing in Elul to really get a little bit deeper in ourselves. But once again, not in a neurotic, obsessive, intense, weird way. What's my if I had real emunah then I wouldn't have bad character traits. Don't do that. It's a very joyful process of coming home to yourself. You're really coming home to yourself. Yeah. To who you are. How do you say to progress in Hebrew, to move forward, to progress? Lehitkadem. Lehitkadem. What's the shoresh? What's the root of the word lehitkadem? Kodem. What does kodem mean? Before. So how can the word for to progress, to move forward, the root of the word is before? It's mamash lehefech. It's exactly the opposite. Because you're moving forward to where you were before, where you were just a pure perfect neshama. So Jewish and that, that's why it's called teshuva. It's called teshuva because you're going back to who you were before. Lehitkadem lashuv to who you were before. Okay so I find I tend to be very hard on myself. Stop it. Stop it. Don't do that anymore. It doesn't just work like that. No. Next time the voice in your head is hard on you, just say I'm not doing it like that anymore. So what I thought this morning, tell me if this is too harsh, is I decided like for example I got off the wrong bus stop, okay? How dare you! Get out, get out. I can't have people like you in my class. That's disgusting. You got off at the wrong bus stop? What's wrong with you? You've been on the same bus for many a year. I'm very hard on myself. So instead of being myself, I called a friend to see if I could help her because I was running late. Was that a good idea or is that too harsh to say now every time I'm hard on myself, I'm going to call a friend and see if I can help them instead? No. How about this? Every time you're hard on yourself, stop and be not hard on yourself. It doesn't work. Try. Just try. Just keep doing it until you change yourself. Because you're not being hard on yourself, by the way. Why? You are not being hard on yourself. The phrase doesn't make sense. I am being hard on myself. You're not being hard on yourself. Your self is a neshama. Neshamas aren't hard on neshamas. It's your pain or your childhood or your ego and your yetzer hara that is being hard on you. So just separate from it and when that hard on myself voice comes, just say hey I hear you, but I'm not being hard on myself anymore. I'm not letting you speak to me like that anymore. But I'm not fighting you. I'm not pushing you away. I'm just saying I'm just that's not how I do it anymore. Very simple. But that voice is very strong because it's trained for many years so it'll be like no, you can't get away with that because you really should have got off at the right bus stop! You idiot! What's wrong with you, you idiot? And as soon as you do that, you have to reverse everything and use that as a catalyst to be just really nice and smile and laugh and say wow, dude, you're crazy. Literally start speaking to your yetzer hara, say wow. But not get upset with it. Don't be like no you're bad, you're bad. Just be like wow. Is it taking on too much to try and call someone and try and help them? That would be taking that's a nice thing to do as well, but it's not getting to the root of things. It's a cute thing to do. But it's not helping. Just be nice to yourself. It's like when people came up, come up to me and said Rabbi, how do I forgive myself? How do I forgive myself? I'm like forgive yourself. What's wrong with you? It's not that bad. Just forgive yourself. Say look now, you have to have changed in order to forgive yourself and other people. That's what we talked about the other day. You do not have to forgive someone who has not changed and apologized. You do not have to forgive someone who has not changed and apologized. But yourself who you like if you feel bad about yourself for doing the bad thing, then you should forgive yourself immediately because you said I'm sorry to yourself. People struggle to forgive themselves. It's the easiest thing to do. Just say I forgive you, me. I forgive you, me. I love you me. I love you me. I forgive you me. And then that negative voice will be like, well no, because you did... it's like, okay, I hear you, it's cool. It's okay now. It's okay. Speak to that hurt child in your head and say it's okay, you're alright. I love you. Don't squash the child in your head, but don't listen to the child in your head, just be like you're cool man, you're okay. Take a deep breath, everyone take a deep breath, come on. It's okay, breathing's good. ברוך אתה ה׳ אלהינו מלך העולם שהכל נהיה בדברו. One avodah you can do in Elul which I do is in my brachos I say the word Melech with more kavana because it says hamelech basadeh. Hashem is the king, so Elul is the time when the king is in the field and Rosh Hashana is the time when we are crowning the king. So for my brachos for Elul, I really like ברוך אתה ה׳ אלהינו מלך העולם. And depending on how I'm feeling I do it more and more extravagantly just because that's who I am. That was such a satisfying sound. As long as you beat yourself up for making it in class. I can't believe I made that sound, I'm so bad. Good, laugh! Very important to laugh at your negative voice in your head. Just laugh at it, be like, dude, like chill. Okay, here we go. vmisromem beyom hakippurim and then it gets exalted and uplifted. Yom Kippur is very high there. We're in a very, very exciting time. I don't know if you've realized this. You've got to get rid of the whole 'this is a heavy time' and however you were educated and you read all those mussar books and it's like how can you not... the mussar people in the 1700s would freak out just hearing the word Elul. They would shake in their boots and how can you not be afraid when the king is coming for... like purge that trauma. Let it go. Do breathwork. Not through your nose, through your mouth. Trauma release breathwork is through your mouth. Neshama connection breathwork is through your nose. And you got to do breath, you got to release the physical trauma stuff you have from your childhood and you got to breathe through your nose to connect to yourself, because your soul was never traumatized in the first place. And see, wow, it's amazing. I'm taking off. Elul is such an amazing opportunity. What an amazing opportunity. What an amazing opportunity. What an amazing opportunity. What an amazing opportunity to come home. So umisromem beyom hakippurim, mischazek beSuccos and then on Succos, Succos is so good. Succos is so good, especially in Yerushalayim. In Yerushalayim, it's very, very clear that the chaggim are meant to be in Israel. Now I think obviously the whole of Yiddishkeit is meant to be in Israel, but the chaggim... you... in England, you can't sleep in the succa. It's cold, you're... the fact that a Jew in England can't sleep in a succa because it's very cold and raining is 100% proof that Jews are not meant to live in England, surely. Isn't that obvious? 100%. Because it doesn't... you're... in fact, I think it might be forbidden to live in England. I'll tell you why. Because you're not allowed to live to do something that will patter you from a mitzvah. This is a very good thing here. There's a whole discussion if you're allowed to wear tzitzis nowadays, because when you wear tzitzis you have to put on techeiles. So for the people who don't put on techeiles because they don't think it is, then there's a question if they're allowed to put on tzitzis at all because they're putting themselves in a position where they're going to be... anyway, the halacha is you can, but it's a whole question. So living in England, you're putting yourself in a situation where you're going to be patter from the mitzvah of succa. It's forbidden to do that. Leave! Leave! Leave America, everywhere, leave. There was once going to be a Nazi march through, a neo-Nazi march through Golders Green, which is near where I grew up. Golders Green, very Jewish, you know, it's a very Jewish area. There's been attacks in Golders Green recently. And they were going to, eventually the government said you can't do it there, whatever. But I think they were going to march through Golders Green saying, 'Jews go home, Jews...' and I was like, I'm going to join them. I'm going to join them at the front. Jews go home! Jews go...! You've been praying for 2,000 years to go back to Israel and what are you doing then? Did you at your Pesach seder say L'shana Haba'ah B'Yerushalayim? Did you mean that? Are you lying? You just finished your Pesach seder with a big fat lie. Why did you do that? And Yom Kippur. Why are you lying? Now, I'm not one of those crazy rabbis who say everyone has to be in Israel now. There are very, very good reasons not to be in Israel. If you have family or financial things or elderly parents, I don't think... and I love the diaspora, and I love... I'm not joking, but you should at least want to. I’m happy, you know? I’ve got my basement. Their basement is bigger than my house. Unbelievable. In America, the basement is my whole house. My kids were freaking out. They were like, could not believe it. And that’s just in the normal houses. You’re not going to have a basement here. It’s okay. But you’ll have Hashem instead. Now Hashem’s everywhere. To some degree. עד שמגיעים לתכלית השלמות שלו ביום שמיני עצרת. Shemini Atzeres. The only advantage of being in Chutz La'aretz is you have a real Shemini Atzeres. Shemini Atzeres then Simchas Torah the next day. In Israel, it's all mixed into one. And so I think that’s the only advantage of living in Chutz La'aretz because I think Shemini Atzeres is a very important day on its own. Okay. ובחודש אלול הוא זמן הנחת היסודות. So in Elul, this is the time of the laying of the foundations. We’re building a building. You’re building a building. Your life is a building. Yourself is a building. You have to build yourself as a human being. Where do we learn this from? Naaseh Adam. We said in our first class together. Hashem says Naaseh Adam, let us make man. Who’s He talking to? There’s no one made yet. So the Baal Shem Tov says He’s talking to you. Saying, Hashem is saying, let us make man. Me and you. You are a partnership between Me and you. I’m going to give you what you need to become great. And that’s good things and bad things. Because you need good things and bad things to become great. You need good character traits to become great, and you need bad character traits to become great. You need support to become great, and you unfortunately need to go through difficult things to become great. I’m going to give you all the resources that you need to become great, but you’ve got to take the resources I give you and become great. And the whole of life is a partnership between God and human. That’s what life is. So you’ve got to take what you’ve been given and become great. So, but in order to do that, you have to have the foundations. If you don’t have a strong foundation, that’s why I always teach, when it comes to your foundation of the four aspects of you which is physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. You need to be emotionally very healthy and balanced. You need to be mentally very calm and strong and healthy. You need to be spiritually connected. But if you’re not physically healthy, very difficult to do that. If you’re hangry, then you’re not going to be emotionally balanced. I’m hungry, I don’t have enough to eat, so someone says something not nice to you, you shout at them and you’re like, so sorry, I just didn’t have my cup of coffee this morning. Is it possible to not have your cup of coffee and still just be a nice person? Could you do that? Do you think you could manage that? Just try, you know. Could you be hungry and not angry? Could you do that? When my six-year-old kid starts behaving really badly on Friday night, we always say to the guests, he’s just really tired. And it’s true. But a twenty-year-old probably shouldn’t behave badly just because they’re really tired. But you do. So look after yourself physically. You have to have, you have to build your foundations. Foundation of physical health. Don't put bad things in your body, do put good things in your body and exercise. That’s it. Not hard. Breathe deeply through your nose. Sleep enough. Chill out. Bye. ובאלול עושים שני דברים עיקריים. And in Elul we’re doing two main things. What are the two main things that we’re doing in Elul? Ha'echad. להבין נכון את המציאות. To get the right understanding of the reality. That’s what we said yesterday. You have to understand what’s really going on. Is the reality that you’re in major, major trouble because Rosh Hashanah is coming and God might write you in the book of death and you’re going to die next year? Is that really a reality? It’s just not true. It’s just not a reality. So understand the real reality. And deeper than that, understand the reality that I was speaking about, which is this world is just a prozdor. It’s just a, it’s just a corridor. It’s a training ground. That’s all it is. And there’s really, you’re a soul and Hashem’s real. Who here believes in Hashem? Infinite, conscious, loving creator of universe everywhere. You actually believe in that thing? Isn’t that crazy? How much do you experience that? Do you experience that reality? That’s a cool reality to experience. It’s not just an idea that I really believe in and I kind of live in line with that. It’s like, no, that’s an actual experiential reality for me. That there’s a divine, loving creator of the universe, and my soul is a finite expression of infinite consciousness. That’s very cool. And the Torah is literally the guidebook to reaching my spiritual So you all know that but you're looking at me like I know that. I'm like yeah but do you know that? Do you know that? Who was it? Someone went to the Chozeh of Lublin and came back, oh the Magid of Mezritch, whatever, one of the big Chassidic Rebbes. And the family was very anti-Chassidic and the son went to the Rebbe, or the father-in-law, he came back and said what did the Rebbe teach you? And he said, he told me that there's a God. And the father said you idiot and he called over the maid and said do you know that there's a God? And she goes yes there's a God. And he goes even the maid knows there's a God and he goes no but she knows there's a God in her head, I know there's a God in my heart, in my experience. It's a knowing, it's a deep experiential palpable I'm saturated, I'm swimming through God right now, saturated in the presence of the infinite divine Creator of the universe. So if you could really get to that level of consciousness and someone calls you a not nice name, you'd just smile at them and be like dude it's okay. I'm a beautiful sweet radiant shining holy being of divine light. And they'd be like it's okay, everyone will be okay. Did you have a question or a suggestion? Question, what does it mean to believe in God, like people like do you believe in it? And what does it mean to know God, like people in... I'm not going to use those words properly because they could be interchangeable but one is just an intellectual knowing, I know, I believe in God, I can prove it to you, the other one is an experiential, it's I'm experiencing that reality. That's it, I'm actually that's the reality for me. In a very very basic way, I know smoking is bad for me but I'm still smoking, that means you believe smoking's bad for you but you don't you haven't integrated that because why are you still smoking? Well it's really hard, yeah but if you knew it was really bad you wouldn't. That was a very I don't think that was the best example but you get the idea. So if I gave you a multiple choice test, do you believe in God? Yes, no, maybe, God bless you. Yes, no, maybe, shut up leave me alone. You'd put yes and you'd get a hundred percent in your thing. But if someone insults you you get really upset. So you got the test right but you didn't get that test right because it was just an intellectual belief rather than an integrated reality in your consciousness. So then what's your answer on the question? Which? Yes, no, that's the right answer. It is the right answer but so what? You got the right answer, it means I know. But if you're not living with that reality then it's like a person who knows smoking's bad for them and still smokes. So if someone says I know that there's a God and for example gets up after seven thirty. If you actually knew there was a God and a purpose to life, why would you get up after seven thirty? Anyone got an answer? Any answer? I work American hours Rabbi. Okay, fine, there are some answers but is there any really good reason to get up after seven thirty? I don't know, I'm happy to be you can push back here, I just don't... Sometimes you've got to need rest. Okay, sometimes. I'm saying in general, in general. I don't see a good reason to get up, in fact the Shulchan Aruch says you have to, the first thing it says in Shulchan Aruch is you have to get up before sunrise. That's what you're meant to do. Do you see any good reason not to? It would destroy my whole day, just go to bed I need eight hours of sleep, so go to bed eight hours before sunrise or really nine hours because you've got to get up an hour before sunrise to get to the Mikvah. You should by the way, I'm being very extreme and blah blah blah, but you should at least want to get up before seven thirty. That's what I'm saying. Even if you don't, you should at least want to at some point in your life. You want to work towards being a person who gets up before seven thirty surely. For the most basic reason which is you just feel better about yourself when you get up early. I just feel good about myself. When you drag yourself out of bed after seven thirty you're just a bit like what it's hard then you've got to rev up the day, it's like it's hard. You get out of bed before seven thirty and you do a little bit of exercise and you obviously don't look at your phone for half an hour after you get up. Why would you do that? Why would you look at your phone? Now if you've got a very important business meeting or someone's sick so there are reasons but you need a reason to look at your phone for the first half an hour. It shouldn't be that's what I do, I've got to check, crazy. Well, I got to see the sports score. What's it going to change in half an hour? I got to see when my bus is coming so I can go to work. Fair, fair answer. But you got the bus yesterday, should you not know by now? Well no, the bus is coming at different times. No, they generally come at the same time most of the time. You should beat yourself up for that. Just for that. I'm glad you're now laughing. See, why do you laugh at me saying that to you, but you don't laugh at your mind saying that to you? Because you're funny. Fine, so your mind's funny then. It's funny by being so unfunny. You should laugh at it. You should be like, you're so, you're so sad. You're okay, I love you. Remember when anyone ever puts you down, it means they're not happy, so just be nice to them. So when your own mind puts you down, it means your mind's not happy, so be nice to it. Say I hear you, mind, but I love you. And then go to the... walk to the Kotel, it's a lovely day. ועל ידי זה להתחבר אל הבורא בצורה נכונה ופנימית and through doing this, through understanding the reality, the reality being that Hashem's not scary and that you're a beautiful radiant shining being of divine light. Once again, we have to get the balance because some people have gone far far far too far to the other side and have no respect of Hashem. They're just like, Hashem loves me, I'll do what I want and it resonates with me and... No, there is din. There is something called din. There is din, but that's not the main thing. The main thing is ahavah, but there's din which is part of ahavah. Din is part of ahavah. I tell my children what they can do and what they can't do and there are consequences if they don't do it because that's good, because I love them. Because I love them, there are consequences to their actions because that helps them. See, even the din is part of ahavah, but there is din. So you shouldn't be scared of that, but you should be aware of that and be motivated by that and don't be all fluffy weird spiritual neo-Chassidic weirdos. Like there's real life going on here. But have the... understand the metzius. Ve'al yedei zeh and then you can actually have a real relationship with Hashem. So that's the first thing we're trying to do. And the second one is להתנקות ולהוציא את הרע. Say it again. Okay, it goes against what I said, but I'm going to say it because he says it and he's wiser than me. But he says and the second thing we're doing is removing the bad from within us. So what does ra actually mean? What does ra mean? You're going to translate it as evil, but what does ra mean? Ra really means broken. It doesn't work. That's what it means, ra. In the Gemara speaks about a sulam ra, a bad ladder. It doesn't mean it's immoral, it means it doesn't work, it's not serving its purpose. What ra really means is it's not serving its purpose. And what tov means is it's serving its purpose, going to where you want to go. So you have to get rid of the things that are not serving your purpose. So for example, stop doing things that don't make you happy. And you're like, well, why would anyone do things that don't make them happy? And I'm like, I don't know, but you do it all the time. Spending too much time on social media, that's not making you happy. Comparing yourself to other people, that's not making you happy. Chasing all these things in external world, that's not making you happy. Putting yourself down all the time, that's not making you happy. So it sounds crazy that someone would need to say to you stop doing the things that don't make you happy and you say to them, well why would anyone do it? But you're doing it all day. Stop it. Stop it. Now I know it's easier said than done. It's easier said than done. My least favorite phrase in the English language, not because it's not true, it is true, but it's just useless. So what? What did you achieve by saying that? It's easier said than done. Okay, what did you achieve by saying that? Did you help? Does that... Yes, okay. And dogs have four legs. Okay, I know that, but so what? How does that help? What... well, I'm giving myself an excuse. Well, you can give yourself an excuse, but if you give yourself excuses then you'll never be a happy and great person and you'll just keep beating yourself up. Why would you give yourself an excuse to do things that don't make you happy? I know... it's very funny. I give myself an excuse to keep doing the things that make me not happy. That people are mamash psychotic. Psychotic, completely psychotic. And people look at me and think I'm crazy because I'm on my bike and I'm like singing, I sometimes pretend my electric bike is a horse and I'm like... and people look at me like I'm crazy, I'm like guys you're crazy, you're the crazy ones, psychotic, average person. I need an excuse to keep doing the things that make me unhappy. by saying what is easier said than done. Unless you say it like this: it's easier said than done, therefore I'm really motivated to do it because I know it will be a great area of growth for me. You can say that. That I like. So next time you I say something or anyone says something and your mind says it's easier said than done, say it's easier said than done and therefore I'm very excited for the challenge. It's easier said than done and therefore I'm very excited for the challenge. New bumper sticker. Did you have another? This is like a chavruta here. That's good. I like clarity. You talked about people like working in a job that doesn't necessarily make them happy. That's a very very very very broad question. If they're working in a job in order to nobly support their family and have a healthy sense of self, that's good, so what you should just do is change your attitude towards your job and be in that job and be happy even... I lived in Thailand for a year and a half and most people in the small village that I lived in, they worked in a, I think it was a shoe factory. And they got picked up at six o'clock in the morning, went to this shoe factory, came back at about five o'clock in the afternoon, they made about nine dollars a month, and then we played football, which was cool, soccer. And then they basically drank whiskey and ate, which is cool too, actually. So the after work stuff was quite cool, I enjoyed that, joined in with that bit. But I saw the people, I had close friends there, and I saw there were three different types of people and they were all doing the same job. And it was a horrible job in this horrible hot horrible factory, not meaningful at all, it was a horrible job. There were the people who complained: I hate my life. There were the people who kind of made the most of it and they said well at least we have a job and then we can buy whiskey and... Very cool, what they used to do, didn't do it so often otherwise they wouldn't have any ducks left, but I'd say once every two weeks they would... there'd be ducks, they had ducks and goats and everything walking around the village, they'd just basically someone would they'd get drunk and then someone would just lean over and pick up a duck and just break its neck, crack, twist its neck and then basically boil it and then pull out the feathers and have duck soup. Very good duck soup, by the way. This wasn't your normal pancake chicken, pancake duck plum sauce, it was like Thai slaughtered duck soup. Anyway, so you have the people who complained. Then you had the people who said well at least I got a job. But then you had the people walking around the factory talking to other people saying how you feeling today, they were the positive attitude uplifted people because they said I'm not going to let my external circumstances define me. If you can leave your job that you don't like, then leave it. Don't stay in a job that you're not happy unless you have to stay in it because you need it and you don't have the money. But and also understand they did research doing a job you don't like with people you do like is much better than doing a job you love with people you don't like. It's the people define more how happy you are at work. Interesting. But obviously if you can do a job you love with people you love then that's real cool. Baruch Hashem. And also you gotta work out how much money do you need to be happy. Once you don't need a lot of money, once you don't need that big house in the five towns with the big basement and the basketball court, then you actually are just free to get the job you actually like, not the job you have to get to... and people say well I'm not moving to Israel because financially... I'm like dude if you want to have a kid in Jewish school in America that's like forty thousand dollars so if you want to have three kids that's a hundred and twenty thousand dollars already before food medical issue everything else so it's not that much you're going to be chasing money for the rest of your life. Don't work. Here school's free. Six hundred shekels I pay for school for a year for tiyulim. I don't drive a Corvette. I drive a electric bike. Now, I'm not joking, I think I get more hana'ah from my electric bike than people do get from their Corvette, I'm not joking. I'm just not joking. Because the it just makes you feel it's such an ego builder and the bigger your ego the unhappier you actually are even if you look happy and confident and I'm the cool guy. They're not actually happy people. My electric bike I'm like this is so funny. It's a piece of metal with wheels that goes really fast. Every day I get on my bike I like giggle like a little girl, like I'm so... and especially because it's electric and then you got all the non-electric bike riders who look at you as if you're cheating, they're like... they're like they're so self-righteous you're like and I'm like zoom. Because I'm not cheating. You know why I'm not cheating? Because it's not the Tour de France you idiot, I'm trying to get home quickly to help my wife with the kids. I'm not cheating. In the Tour de France it would be cheating. Gosh, so the second thing we're doing is Lehotzi et hara which means to... Still, I'm going to tie this into what I was saying because I'm going to stick to my guns. This still doesn't mean Kappara, Slicha, the past. It just means live more in line with your values. So what you would do, for example, practical: write down one thing you should do a little bit less because it's not good for you and one thing you should do a little bit more because it's good for you. That's it. No pressure, no guilt, no shame. Just you know what, I should spend a little less time on my phone. So do that. And I should get up a little bit earlier. Do that. Nice. 7:15. Yeah. Is there a value in doing waking up early if you like don't have... meaning like just to wake up early just for the sake of waking up early? Absolutely. It gives you a sense of I started the day strong, gives you a sense of self-respect. If you say, look I don't have anything to do today, I don't have a job, so I might as well stay in bed, why? Isn't your life itself intrinsically worth getting up for? For sure, but like I'm saying, like there's value in just waking up early even if it's not like let me wake up early to Daven, like just like waking up early. Yes, just to wake up early because it makes me feel like I have a reason to be awake. When people say to me I love sleeping, I'm like: firstly, you don't. You don't love sleeping because you're asleep. You love getting into bed and falling asleep. No one loves sleeping. But secondly, if you love sleeping, if someone said to me you know what I'd like to sleep less do you have any advice and I said yes, love life more. If you love life you don't want to sleep. I hate sleeping. I don't want to sleep. It's annoying for me. Now, do I like getting into bed and falling asleep? Well when I do, which is very rare, but I do enjoy that little moment. But people say you know what the highlight of my day is getting into bed. I'm like that is so sad. It's so sad if that's the highlight of your day. What was your day if the highlight of your day is now I'm going to become unconscious? I just want to become unconscious. It's so sad. The highlight of your day should be getting up. Getting up. Now I still don't find it easy to get up in the morning but I do every morning because I know how I feel if I do and how I feel if I don't. But it doesn't mean my alarm goes off and I'm like yay. It's hard, but I'll do it. I'll drag myself out, I'll drag myself out of the couch because it's easier to fall asleep on the couch than in bed. It's one-sixtieth of death, sleep. Let's find... כדי להתחיל בצורה טובה, in order to start strong. Let's start strong. You want to start strong. We're going to start strong. Which means every day start strong by getting up in the morning. And understand that if one of the... it's not the purpose of life but one of the... the ways to achieve the purpose of life which is Kirvat Hashem is to beat your Yetzer Hara. The first battle is getting up in the morning. If you can win the first battle, that's very strong. Your Yetzer Hara comes to you later in the day, you're like I've battered you this morning, I've battered you. Where were you? But if you lose the first battle of the morning, then it's hard to regain. It's in martial arts as well. You get in that first punch, bust their nose, you've got a good chance. Doesn't mean you're necessarily going to win the fight but you've got a much stronger chance because you've got the momentum. Don't watch a film called Fight Club. But if anyone's already seen it, there's a part of the film where he's basically ground-and-pounding, which is he just gets on top of the person and just smashing this guy's face... bam... and whatever. Don't watch it. Gosh, this is my problem. I've got all this instead of having Mishnayot in my head I've got the... I've got Ice Ice Baby, I know all the words to Ice Ice Baby. Stop, collaborate and listen. I'm not doing it, I'm not doing it. I'm not proud of that. Anyway, so I imagine... and it's this whole scene where the guy's very good-looking and he smashes up his face and he says you're not good-looking or something. So I just imagine that for my Yetzer Hara. I just pin my Yetzer Hara down and I'm just like bam, bam, bam. So you get up in the morning, you've nailed your Yetzer Hara, it's hard for your Yetzer Hara then to get back. It's not that hard because your Yetzer Hara is very well trained. It's going to come and get you. But at least start strong. Especially in Elul. Let's start strong in Elul. Just say not for the rest of my life, just in Elul. You know what? Not even say that. Just say tomorrow morning. Tomorrow morning I'm going to get up strong. That's it. Don't commit to more than one day. But then tomorrow evening say, well you know what, just tomorrow morning. Famous story of the Steipler. He was in a Siberian camp, prison camp, and it was snowing and they had to do guard duty. And they had a rotation and it was on Shabbat and they only had one fur coat. And whoever was the guard put on... on the fur coat. The guy before him left the fur coat hanging on a tree. And it was Shabbat, and it was his turn, and he came, and you can't touch it, it's muktzeh, it's on the tree. But he could because it's pikuach nefesh, he's going to die, so he could take it. But he said, \"I'm allowed to take the coat, but I don't need it for the next five minutes. I can survive five minutes. I'm going to have to break Shabbat, and I'm allowed, it's fine, but for the next five minutes I don't need it.\" After five minutes, he said, \"I'm sure I can do five more minutes.\" And he did the whole night without the coat. That's pretty cool. So you can just do one day at a time, or one bracha at a time. You know what, just this bracha I'm going to say and feel like I'm actually speaking to Hashem. Just this one. And I'm going to say the word melech a little bit melech stronger. Just that one and do, just go through and then little, little steps in the right direction, positive reinforcement, and then you'll actually get somewhere.