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Flip the Script with Vic is a sacred space for real conversations with real women 🩷 Hosted by Victoria Nielsen—intuitive healer, mama, and space-holder for the divine feminine—this podcast amplifies women’s voices through raw interviews, intimate solocasts, and unfiltered conversations on motherhood, mysticism, psychedelics, ancestral healing, spirituality, identity, and more.
What began as a personal exploration is now a communal prayer: a gathering place for cycle-breakers, mothers, mystics, creatives, witches, and wild ones redefining what it means to be a woman in today’s world.
Every episode is an invitation to remember that your voice matters. That your truth matters. Together, we walk in beauty, become the prayer, and flip the script.
Hello, hello.Welcome back to another episode of Flip the Script with Vic.It's your host, Victoria Nielson.Today's guest is one that I've wanted to have on the podcast for a really long time, so I'm so excited that she's here today.Miss Rayna Rose Williams is a fellow podcast host, one of my retreat participants, a beautiful human, a coach, a dreamer, such a grounded goddess.Like, I could go on and on and on.Rayna, you are just one of the most open and special people I have ever met.From the very first instance that we met in a women's circle together, you, you struck me, A, because you commented on something that I said, but B, you just had such a grounded presence yourself and I think you didn't even know it at the time toSo to watch you blossom over these last couple of years of our friendship has just been really beautiful, and I'm so glad you're here.I am so happy to be here.Thank you so much for having me.Oh my gosh.It has been a long time coming but also, it's the perfect time.Exactly.It's the perfect time for us to sit down and do this, so thank you.And I feel very similarly that I was immediately drawn to your energy when we first sat in circle together and then when you started, um, just sharing your work.It just, it feelsLike, it just hits me in the exact right spot with all of those creators that really feel the most authentic to us for what we need, and you're definitely one of those people.And yeah, it's an honor to get to not only know you, but, um, now to get to be here and having conversation together with, you know, whoever wants to listen, so I'm excited.I love that.And we just got back from Tucson together, so Rayna w- came on my Art of Unwinding retreat that I just held as part of my Monarch Mystery School mission, and was really fun.It was such an intimate group of women.There was about 6 of us out in the desert for 4 days, listening to ourselves and to the cactuses and one another, and what I found so profound about getting to spend more time with you is that you are so 100% yourself wherever you are, and I love that about you, but I know that that's not always been the case.So I would love to talk more about, you know, A, what drew you to the retreat, but, but kind of B, your healing journey and, and how it's been going because I know it's gonna be medicine for so many people listening because a lot of people have been through very similar, I think, experiences as you- Mm-hmm.in the sense of having to grow up, way too soon.Mm-hmm.Way too soon.Yeah, I really felt drawn to the idea of the maiden and the, and the theme of the retreat being the Art of Unwinding, and I was really drawn in by that concept at first, and really understanding those 3 archetypes of the maiden and the mother and the crone because I'd really only heard of them and kind of assumed what they were, but didn't really have the clearest understanding, and when we met one-on-one and you explained more about the maiden, I just felt that deep, resonant yes, like, "I need to be part of this."And it really is because the maiden is all about not only all of the stages that we go through prior to motherhood, but really about play and joy and allowing yourself to be a kid and wild and all the things that sometimes whenever there was this pressure put on you when you're younger, whether it be actually verbally/physically put on you or just emotionally what you feel.It's not always the things that are said but sometimes just the way that it hits us, and I think for me, just having young parents and, and being an only child, and, um, my parents definitely were still, um, dabbling in their maiden a lot when I was growing up and really seeking out those fun experiences, and, um, it really a lot of the time left me feeling like I did have to pick up the slack, at least emotionally, to take care of myself internally, and, um, alot of that ended up just feeling like weight, and it honestly led me to seeking out a psychology degree, understanding more about people.I've always felt very in tune with others' needs and very hyper-aware of what's going on in the room, I think, because I had to at a very young age in order to stay safe and stay valued is to show up in the way that they needed me to.So, I feel like I'm just now, the past year or so honestly, rediscovering those pieces of me that were long covered up that I really am letting out to play again, and this retreat was a huge part of that, but I really do feel like it all happened for a purpose, and I go back and forth with, you know, how detailed to be about my childhood because it's one of those things where it's not about placing blame orabout, yeah, who did what or who said what, but it's really all of those things that happened led me to my purpose and were so intentional for me to get here, so I'm honestly at a point now, I know it, it weaves in and out, but I'm very thankful, um, to have, have been through what I've been through with my family in order to really realize what my purpose is and a lot of that is sharing what I learn with other people.Mm-hmm.And isn't itYou know, we were talking a lot about that in Tucson.I had a lot of memories to share because for those listening that don't know, I, I grew up in Key West, Florida.I was always in Key West, and for one year of my life we lived in Phoenix, Arizona.Randomly.One year, 6th grade.So, on this trip, it was really interesting to me-That dichotomy of, of just having to think about, like, what if we had stayed there?You know, what if we had never moved back to Key West?Like, what person would I be now?Would I even be hosting a retreat in Tucson leading these women if I had stayed growing up in, in Phoenix, Arizona versus going back to Key West?You know?What would've happened if we had never ventured to Phoenix for the year?Like, would I have even opened myself to those new experiences and then had to come back and face being a new kid all over again in 7th grade, you know, with these kids I grew up with, right?But they had formed their cliques in 6th grade, and now all of a sudden here I am coming back.So, it, it's all of these pivotal moments, I think, in our childhood that need to happen, but we need to heal from them in a healthy way to then see that gratitude, right?And I love that you're in that place of gratitude now, because that's exactly where I am too, that everything had to happen the exact way it happened- Yeah.for me to, you know, find myself in the way that I have, and I love that you, with your podcast, The Lighthouse Within, when I want, I wanna talk more about that, because I think the more that you find your lighthouse and you're a lighthouse for others, right, that ripple effect that we talk about all the time, but finding that light wasn't always easy.Mm-hmm.What, what has that journey been like?I know, um, you know, uh, you've moved in and out of depression and, and just very deep feelings over the years, and I would love to hear kind of maybe what are some of the practices that have helped you with that, and, you know, even I think the alchemy, right, of having your own podcast and of, of using that as a healing tool as well.I know you were talking about the inner critic last week, which I also would love to speak to, because I think that's an important topic.Tell me all the things.Yeah.Well, first, from, from what you just said, I wanted to touch on the fact that it's definitely felt that you also are in a place of being at that full realization of, like, all the things that you've been through leading you to this point and having that gratitude, and I think that people can feel that, and I think that- Mm-hmm.that draws you to the experiences that now are helping so many people.I think one of the biggest reasons why I needed the retreat is not only because of the topic of the maiden, which is so important, but also just being in community.I think that for me, a big piece of my story since as long as I can remember is just feeling like I had to do everything on my own.Hmm.And not feeling like I was truly sat down with and met at the level that I was at and just asked if I was okay.It was always assumed that I was okay and that I would be okay and that I'm the mature one."You're so mature for your age."Oh, my God, don't youI hate that compliment now.Like, at the time I loved it.It was like, "Yes, oh my God, I'm so grown up, I'm amazing."But, like- Yeah.really you're mature for your age, like, means that you're hiding so many things, that you're probably tampering down so many things, that you're not expressing yourself- Yeah.in the way that you probably need to at that age.And I think that getting that compliment really shows also what's glorified in our society.Like, it's- Oh my God, yes.It's glorified to suppress how you really feel and show up and make the appearance and look perfect in order to play a role, and even when you're starting to really unwind into the maiden again, it feels like a performance at first- Yes.because you don't know how to do that.You're like, "Oh, I'm just dancing around with women I don't know?"Like, "I'mHow can I not look at them," you know?Yeah.Like, 'cause you're, you're used to just- I love you.picking up the vibe, and not creating your own vibe.Like, you're used to respon- Sorry, my dog.No, to responding, but no, I think that's a really- Responding, right.important thing to share, because- Yeah.you're right.I, I love that, 'cause we did talk a lot about that this last week of, of what's performative and what's not.Mm-hmm.But I think to your point, when you don't even know how to be in that energy- Mm-hmm.it's gonna feel uncomfortable, and that's okay, and we have to acknowledge that maybe it is gonna feel a little bit fake-it-till-you-make-it for a minute, but that you have to let yourself, like, sit and move through that uncomfortableness, you know?Like- Absolutely.And Daphne and I were talking about that after the retreat that, like, you know, next time we were like, "Maybe we push their energetic edge."Like, maybe it's not just one song they're dancing around, like, maybe it's 2 songs so they, like, really feel it.Do you know- 2 whole songs?Oh my gosh.How crazy would that be?But no, but really, like, we, you know, as a side note, we do tailor all of our retreats to participants, and so this time around, one song was the energetic edge, and that's okay.Mm-hmm.Because each of you, I think, were more in your maiden by the end than you could've- Oh, yeah.ever hoped to be.Mm-hmm.But it was still uncomfortable.It was still like, "Wait, play for play's sake?I don't know how to do that.""Like, you need to tell me the rules.""You need to tell me, you know, the parameters, the boxes- Right.that I can do this in."And, and we blew up the box this weekend, um, and that's, that's uncomfortable because- Mm-hmm.all of us, myself included, the box is safe.And sometimes we leave one box just to put ourselves in another box.Mm-hmm.Especially, I think, in this, like, world of feminine spirituality and healing, right?We say we wanna bust out of the box, and then we put ourselves in the, in the box of, like, another modality or of another, another teaching or of another, um, practice and then we say, "Well, it has to be this way."No, it doesn't.Doesn't at all.Absolutely.And it's like, we create the box.We can set the box instead of the other way around.AndOh, your sweet doggy, I love it.They can play in the background.They wanna be with us, they want their voices heard.No, but that is so true, and I love that idea of the energetic edge.I- And do you find that- Right?'Cause I mean, I think, well, in Kundalini, you know, that's part of, um, what I teach when I teach a Kundalini class is that that's really what it is sometimes.It's, you know, let, yes, listen to your physical body.Like, I never want you to be doing something that is physically going to hurt you.Mm-hmm.But if it's a mental thing and you're wanting to stop because you're uncomfortable, I always tell everyone, I'm like, "Can you just push past, like, one tiny millimeter more?"Like, can you let yourself sit in that uncomfortableness, like, w- uncomfortableness one second longer than you think you can?Mm-hmm.Because that's how you expand your capacity, your resilience, your ability to hold that window of, uh, the window of tolerance is what we call it in breath work.You're always trying to expand that window of tolerance because it's not about never being uncomfortable.You're always gonna be uncomfortable in life, like, that's life, but it's about how you handle those feelings and how you move through them.Yeah, and I, and I saw recently too something about resilience and it really struck me about how resilience is really how quickly you get back to your baseline.It's not not experiencing stress and notand the stress not affecting you, because you're a human and the stress is going to affect you, but it's what, not only coping mechanisms, because those are great, but what capacity do you have that you've already built within yourself that you can return to that place whenever you need to?And I think something that just came up too is in the maiden, it's reallyFor me, it's very layered because going back to my childhood, I think it's, it's not only just the responsibility that I had to carry it all that can make it harder for me to just simply play and have joy for joy's sake, which was a lot of the retreat, is trying to just create for create- s- for creation's sake, have joy for joy's sake, and not have this purpose and this agenda behind it.And you even, um, lovingly were teasing me at 1 point about, like, because I was asking for more instructions for things, and you're like, "We're gonna, like, it's okay.Like, we're gonna figure it out."And I'm like, "Yes, I needed that, thank you."Um.And then you did and it was beautiful.I'm wearing, I say, we made altar cloth, I'm wearing mine in my hair right now.Oh, yes.So I was watching the YouTube video.I have mine right here- Yeah!and I love it.Yes.I love it.Um, but yeah, I feel like it's, it's not only just having to turn off that, that rational part in order to lean into play, but it's also growing up and witnessing how my parents both prioritized play over, from what I witnessed, their connection, their experiences with me and just us as a family.I think I also grew up to internalize that fun was selfish or fun was bad because, and that if I were to be good or a good parent, then I would have to not do those things because that's, that's the simplicity of a childlike mind, right, is we have the imagination greater than our wildest dreams, but we also can only understand so much about the behavior that's going on around us.And the way that we internalize that is not something that our, that a lot of our caregivers would ever choose.If they knew that we would, they probably would've behaved differently.But the point is, that's how I felt, and it took me years to even realize that weight that I was carrying constantly.Yeah.I mean, how many of us from our childhood have these things that, that form our life experience?They, they form our rose-tinted glasses, or our non-rose-tinted glasses, right?Mm-hmm.And they form that perception that we have of the world, and it is gonna be more black and white because our brains are not developed, because it is- Right.this or that in our world.And you are not the only one that most likely felt like your expression was unsafe.Mm-hmm.You know?That if, if you, if they're unpredictable, then you need to be the predictable one, and, you know, I, I had a little bit of that growing up and-My parents' divorce and just, my mom was a single mom and she had a lot of anger and didn't know where to put it.And I've talked about this before, but I took that on for a long time- Mm-hmm.and thought it was mine.And there's so many of us that were either only, only kids, were, were kids of young parents, kids of divorce, that I think we were all forced to grow up a lot faster than we needed to, or not even needed to, that we should have.Um, and then we wore it as a badge of honor that we didn't have the feelings, that we didn't play, that we were serious, that we wereI remember my first B, I cried and was so upset.My mom laughed at me.She was like, "Why do you c-" Like, a B is still great.Like, "Why do you care?"Mm-hmm.But I had internalized it like I had to be good, that everything had to be good because if the chaos around me, right, if the only thing I can control is my behavior, then I'm gonna be the best and I'm gonna be the smartest and I'm gonna get the best grades and I'm gonna be a good girl.How many of us have internalized so many of those good girl habits that now hinder us being able to play, being able to be in our maiden more?And we talked about this at the retreat as well, that if you never actually heal your maiden, you're just going from unhealed maiden to unhealed mother.I did that.I absolutely did that, and I'm still unwinding a lot of that, you know, in, in my daily life.Like, when my kids have tantrums and I can't handle it, I know it's because I wasn't seen and met in those moments when I was little, you know?Right.Yeah, and with the chaos that was going on around us, it alsoAll the space is taken up, right?Mm-hmm.So, they're taking up all the emotional space, and what's left for us?That's the medi- that's the meeting point I'm talking about, where being sat down with and met of, "What are your needs?Where are y-" Like, "Where are you right now?Are you okay?Are you here?"And not in those exact words, but sometimes, sometimes literally just sitting down and, umYeah, I mean, it'sIt feels like the simplest thing, but whenever you're in it and everyone has their own story that a lot of people, I would argue most people really do the best that they can with what they have.And I feel like that was a huge part ofThat was one of the first stages of really healing for me, was firstly realizing that nothing is personal and that nothing that they did was a reflection on me and that was their behavior, but then I had to go a step further because while that's all well and good, that doesn't change the resentment or the anger or the sadness that lives inside because of those things.And so that's when the somatic work comes in, the getting in touch with your body, the actually releasing these things from you so that they're not attached to you, those energetic ties that you've been speaking to also.I think thatYeah, it's like every stage that you get to, you're like, "Okay, this feels good."And you don't realize, and it's also really hard, but you don't realize there's always more to go.But I think I've finally gotten to a place where that doesn't feel so daunting anymore.It feels like something I can look forward to more because I'm getting to a much more grounded place to where I know I always have that to fall back on, and that's the whole concept of Lighthouse Within, is that you've always had that.Nothing could take it away.Nothing could really dim it out.A lot of the times, it was the people that we trusted growing up, and then there were times when now we do it to ourselves, because something I even touched on in my episode this week is, guess what?They're not in charge anymore.You are in charge.You are in charge of how you talk to yourself, how you treat yourself, if you have children, the way you treat them and, and talk to them and meet them, and- And that's a hard pill to swallow sometimes- Yeah.'cause it's so easy to perpetuate the behaviors, and it's so- Yeah.easy to put the blame and say, "Well, I am the way that I am," but- Mm-hmm.Mm-hmm.And it's easy to see that as more responsibility, but you can also flip that and say, "It's my calling," you know?It's my calling to be the version of me that's actually met all those sides of myself so that I can show up in a way that has the mask removed and has the performance done, and realizing that a lot of it for me has come down to just a lot of things I've dealt with with my physical health, mainly, like, weight and fluctuation and things I've dealt with.And I really have felt that in the past 2 retreats that I've been on last year and this year, but also I feel like that leaned into, um, or that led me to a huge part of my intention this weekend with the rose creation, which was such a beautiful craft that Daphne prepared for us.And I felt like the main, um, thing that was coming through was that alignment and really that mind, body, and spirit because what I realized is that's a, a way that I can bring myself back into alignment is by realizing that when I'm feeling off or feeling floaty or feeling whatever it is, I can kind of think about which one of those is getting too much attention and which one needs more.And for me, it's a lot of mind and so when I feel myself doing that and, like, "Oh, well, what's the next step in the craft?"or "What's the," you know, like, getting to in my mind.I can choose in that moment the spirit or the body, and the spirit would be, you know, pulling a, a card or prayer or calling a friend, and then the body, breath, stretching, short walk, just taking yourself out of that state and intentionally getting into a new one.So that word that came up for me was alignment, and then I wanted to share this with you too.I sent it to Dawn, another retreat, um, person that came with us and she's amazing, but I had sent her a screenshot yesterday because in the group chat that was from last year's day retreat in November, you had- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.The micro retreat.Oh my God, yeah.You had messaged us, um, on the new year and you said, "Hi, ladies.Like, what's your word for the year?I wanna hold it in my heart for you."And, um, and Dawn said joy.I need to go back and look at this text right now.And mine was alignment.Yeah, I know.Oh my God.And mine was alignment.And it's coming- And it's the exact same word that I wrote on my petal, and I forgot about it and then I went back and looked because I was like, "I think I have their phone numbers saved," and then yours was dare.Dare.I think I've definitely did this here.You have.Holy shit.Yeah.So that was just really cool is like- That's amazing.you're, you're on the right path.I'm so glad you brought that up.Yeah.? It gets the lastYeah, last November, um, a lot of the ladies that came on the, the retreat this November, we did, like, a day retreat here in Atlanta.So it was beautiful to get them back together, but holy cow.That's really fun 'cause yeah, I, I said dare and this, dar- dared to do a lot this year.Yes.Left the job.Got the big tattoo.Started a production company.I'm looking at you now.I know.You're so much more embodied and, yeah, grounded in your thought and energy.And you are so a lot, like-you truly, though, are, like, really in alignment, and I think the places that maybe you don't feel that yet are coming.Mm-hmm.Um, because I do thinkI mean, we talked a lot about the body over the course of the retreat because that embodiment, that living as that future version of yourself can be hard, and, and as women, I think all of us have had issues with our bodies over our lifetimes, you know.I have a, a long history with, you know, eating disorderedum, or disordered eating, I should say, and, you know, bulimia and not loving myself and body dysmorphia, and I know I'm not the only one.Mm-hmm.And, you know, the more that we do this work, my body shifts and I become more comfortable in my body, but not even just that.I, I'm, I move energy so now I'm, my body is smaller because I am literally carrying less energetic mass around.And, you know, I think anyone listening that maybe if you're struggling to feel healthy in your body, maybe you're struggling to lose weight, maybe you're struggling to, to feel any emotions in your body at all, you can start small just by breathing and squeezing each arm, like, letting yourself really be present where your feet are, because so much of our life is spent in our heads.I think 80% of us, right, are living from the neck up and then we don't wanna listen to the signs from the body from, on the neck down.We take a pill to forget it.We poke ourselves with a needle to change what we don't like.Like, and I'm not judging any of that.Please do what you need to do to feel better about yourself, but know why you're doing it.And know that there may be an energetic solution that you're not even thinking about because you are s- not connected to that mind, body, spirit connection, realizing that they're all gonna affect one another, you know.Absolutely.And there's, there's always one that you can lean more into and it's really just when you're feeling that sense of just being off, and we all know what that feels like for us individually.Try to see if there's one of those that you can lean more into in that moment.If not, just put a pin in it for when you can.I know that not all of us have the amount of time for themselves just individually that we'd like to, and sometimes you have to wait until the kids go to bed or wait until Saturday or whatever it is, but you still deserve that regardless.Say that again.You deserve that.No, it's true.We- Yeah.We talked a lot about worthiness too this weekend, um, and all of us are so much more worthy and deserving than we give ourselves credit for, truly.Um, and that kind of leads me to your topic this week on Lighthouse Within about the inner critic.You know, uh, do you want to share a little bit more about maybe what's been coming up for you or, um-even we were talking about that, that self-talk, right, earlier.Like, do you find that you still have some, some self-talk that you're reprogramming, whether it's the words of others or your own?Yeah, I have a lot of mental loops and something that's helped me recently is the idea of closing the loop.And it was said in the context of, like, if you have that drawer in your house that you've not been organizing for 3 months butand it's not that big of a deal, the drawer doesn't matter, but it's taking up that mental space in your mind, close that loop by organizing the drawer.It's not about the drawer.It's about you having less mental chatter.And for me, I have those, but, um, I organize my house almost to a toxic point, so mine are more psychological than emotional because I think we can only do so much.Um, but yeah, I, I have a lot of, of negative inner critic loops to the point of almost just, almost obsessiveness at times, and I've, I've had tendencies in my childhood and throughout the years that I've thought might be OCD.I don't think that they are because I don't meet, you know, a lot of, um, what's being described, but I think the, the counting and the things that repeat over and over and over again and needing to do things a certain number of times before you feel complete, I think that a lot of those patterns in my brain were ways that I also kept myself really distracted as a kid.Mm.And so I think it's, it'sA lot of it for me is just habit.And it's not even that I genuinely am connected to that feeling anymore, but I think it's one of those things where if you repeat it enough times, you probably are a little connected to it.But I think with, with the inner critic, it really is starting to separate that voice from who you really are.I think that can be one of the most impactful things, is really understanding that is a separate voice and all these pieces of you are separate voices.And that's not saying that it's a voice that you just wanna pick up and pluck out and get rid of.That's not possible or something that you should want to do.Um, it's a necessary part of you that was formed for protection, for your safety.A lot of times from your caregiver's, uh, perspective to keep you small enough in your environment so that you stay safe, so that you don't jump off that bridge.Um, but what's left behind is the feeling of, "Oh, I better not speak up or I'm too much," or, "Oh, I better not cause a ruckus," or, "I better not get the B," you know, because that reflects badly on me because we take all the things in our external environment and reflect them back to who we are when really if we start within, with that lighthouse, the light that's always been there, and radiate outward, that's just a way more aligned way to live.But it takes a lot of work to get there.Yeah, because so many other voices are on top of that voice.Mm-hmm.So many layers, perhaps masks, right, that we've talked about are on top of that, like, truth of who you are, and I love that you shared that we shouldn't get rid of the inner critic because I believe the same thing.It's there for a reason.It's a part of us.It wants to be expressed, but actually when we try and get rid of it, or we try and get rid of the ego, or we try and get rid of these things that are quote unquote bad, like, that's not the point.Eradicating them actually doesn't help and gets rid of the duality that we're here to experience , you know?Mm-hmm.And, and there is a purpose to it.It's supposed to keep us safe.I love doing what I call, like, inner critic higher self-journaling where I'll let the inner critic out, let her say whatever she wants to say on one side of the page, and she's usually a big raging bitch.And then , you know, I'll draw a line and I'll take some deep breaths, I'll connect with my higher self, and then on the other side, I'm like, "Okay, higher self, please tell me, is any of this true?"And it's never.It's never.The higher self is, you know, nicer and, and kinder and, and more full of love, but it's good to see that sometimes we are the ones stopping ourselves, that we're the ones with the negative self-talk, that actually it's not everyone around us, um, and that that internal narrative needs to shift.And to your point, it becomes habit when you say it enough, when you do it enough.So why wouldn't you talk nicely to yourself?Because then those beautiful thoughts are gonna stick versus the, the ones that you don't like.But expressing the ones that you don't like is necessary so that you can let the light in, so that you can see where maybe you need to bring a little bit more love to yourself, um, 'cause we're not, we're not one or the other, right?We're all things.Mm-hmm.And that is the duality is if you don't have the sides of yourself that you have to draw the line over, then you're not really able to recognize as much what, what, um, what that can teach you, honestly.I think a lot of it is, is meant to teach us and make us more resilient people.But I think something too that really, for some reason when you were talking just, I just remembered this from the retreat and I hadn't thought about it yet or remembered it.But we were sitting there one night and Daphne is just so intuitive obviously, we all know.She's a queen.Happy birthday, by the way.Um, but she said something that really struck me because when you're really in touch withWhen you have your finger really on the pulseAnd that's how I would describe Daphne.She's really got her finger on the pulse.Oh, yeah.Like, insane.And she's someoneAnd she's someone that if you're not willing to look at yourself, she might be uncomfortable to be around.Yes.And that's why I love being around her because that type of challenge is, like, what I'm constantly seeking in my, all my relationships is like, "Can we really see each other?"And I know that I'm learning now that that's not necessarily appropriate for all your relationships.You know?But what she said to me that really struck me is I've thought for so long, you know, when you're down on yourself and you have that inner critic and you have these dreams and you're not achieving them, you can get in this pattern where you start thinking, "Oh, well, I'm just not good enough," or, "I'm not strong enough to achieve that goal," or, "I'm, I'm weak," right?And she pointed out, she asked me, um, like, "Are you afraid of how, um, like, um, powerful you would be?"And it just immediately was like, "Yes."So, I think we have to realize sometimes that we're not just afraid of being failures, but we're really afraid of being successful.Yes.We're really afraid of what it looks like when we're fully exposed and how intimidating that could be to other people that aren't willing not only to meet you but mostly meet themselves.Mm-hmm.That aren't willing to go there.And her just asking me that question after knowing me for 3 days and the moment that we shared when I said yes and she said, "Good.I want you to intimidate the shit out of me."When she saysLike- I think she said, "Intimidate the fuck out of me," but yes.No, she was likeAnd I was like, "I've never been spoken to like that."And it just, it was literally like I was being breathedL- like, life was being breathed into me in that moment.Yes.And I was like, "You're so right.You're so right."But I also- But how many of us though, like- Yeah.have that feeling of too muchness?Yes.You know?And we are the ones that are keeping ourselves small because we're afraid other people can't handle it.That'sAnd, and you joined in too and, and asked me, umWhat did you say?You were asking about are you afraid ofUm, essentially getting to the root of why are you afraid of what other people would think.Is it really because of you or is it because of them?And it really came to light that I'm afraid that other people would receive what I have to say and feel badly about themselves.And both of you were like, "Oh."Which is why I just did it again 'cause I was like, "Oh."'Cause it's so, it's so you.Like, you, you care so much about other people.Yeah.And so to hear that, like- But that's not noble, right?It's not noble to be an emotional martyr and need toand not trust that people can handle their own shit.Like, they can handle it.And if they can't, that's not my responsibility.No.'Cause guess what?I've already had enough.Yes.Yeah.And the responsibility that we take on was also, I feel like, such a theme of the retreat that, like, all of us have taken on so much responsibility and guilt that's not even ours.Mm-hmm.And again, maybe it's because you're the oldest child, you're the only child, you know, whatever it is.Um, but as women, we inherently take on the world and we think it's our fault or our problem or us.And there's so much of the world that, like, we don't need to take responsibility for.Like, that'sHow someone else reacts to me is not my business.Actually, I say that all the time that, like, what someone else thinks of me, like, is, is not my business and I really shouldn't care and it shouldn't matter.Absolutely.Because, uh, thatYou know, if I'm letting them affect how I walk in the world, right, that's a problem.Right.Um, but the too muchness, like, no.If anyone, if you're listening, I want all of us to, like, go into the world after this episode and intimidate the fuck out of people-in the best way possible.With love.Yes.Intimidate with love, please, with love and light.But with your light.And bring that out because that's what makes you cool.That's what makes you the coolest person in the room.And we can all be that if we all show up in that way where the whole purpose of a lighthouse isn't to be looked at.It really is when it's shining and when it's operating properly, it guides other people home.Mm-hmm.It guides them back to their safe harbor.So it's not being the guru and I think that that's also why I'm drawn to your work a lot is because it's, "I'm not the guru.I'm not the one with the answers.I'm the one who's also figuring it out and let's talk about it.Let's illuminate some of that so that we don't feel alone."Exactly.'Cause I guarantee you, so much of what helped me out on any circle that we go to or retreat is just, it's usually the person you're sitting across from but it always feels like you're, for some reason, so connected with your, your energy and you'll be like, "Man, I feel that and I really thought I was the only one that did."Yeah.And you're not.And coming to terms with the fact that I'm not that special in the best way.But also I have a uniqueThe dichotomy of, like, "I'm not that special but I also have a unique light to share," has been really eye-opening and kind of makes me take it a little bit less seriously and have more fun with it rather than being like, "Okay, whatever I say is bible and that's not"Mm-mm.No.I could feel differently tomorrow.It's that fluidity, that ability to change.It's part of who we are as women.I'm allowed.Yeah.I'm allowing myself and first time for everything but trying.But I love that.And that was part of the medicine of the retreat too was, like, to let ourselves, like, do and be that, you know?Mm-hmm.And, um, and not have, like, the agenda.I have justUh, I love this conversation so much and I, I can't wait for you to share with people.How can they find you, find the podcast, like, what's coming up for you?And then of course anything that is on your heart that you feel called to share 'cause you are your own beautiful channel and, like, I, I just know that you have something special to share with everyone, so.Thank you.Well, first, my dogs clearly have the whole podcast.They have something they wanna share and they want their turn to go ask.I know!I kind of want them to, like, bark into the mic.Yeah, right.Just do a little woo.Yeah.A little song.Um, no, but thank you.I, I always love talking to you and I'm recording, umRight now is, it's been kind of monthly but I'm kind of moving to every other week and I've been trying out just different types of content on Instagram and really seeing what, what flows and not, again, not overthinking it too much.And for me, my main passion with Lighthouse Within is, is sharing and kind of bringing things to light that we all go through, whether that's a solo episode or me having a beautiful conversation like this which, you're next, you're coming on- Yeah.'cause I think that'd be so fun.Yes, please.But it really is that community piece and then also sharing resources.I love toI have a, a resource page on my website that has a lot of the books that have kind of supported me at different parts of my journey and you can click those books directly.It takes you to a book shop, um, link where you can buy those books second hand and support local libraries as well so- Mm-hmm.I love the full circle of that and, um, yeah, at some point in the next year or so, my goal would be to put out some, some free guides, some resources that people can download and share and just continue to build a repertoire of things that you can take what you need, leave the rest.I, I fully believe in that, that there's not one person that's gonna have everything that you need and that it's important to just take the pieces of it that resonate and trust that you're on the right path, because you are.And the last thing I wanted to share is just the card that I pulled right before-we started this, you know, this conversation.Oh my God, yes.Please, please, please.Oh my God, Reina did the best card pulls for us.By the way, that, that needs to be coming soon, like, you know, readings by Reina but anyway.That's the first time I've ever done that, is for- Ever?Yeah.I've never done that.No way.No, I mean my best friends and I will just, like, joke around- Oh my God, no.Readings by Reina.It's a thing now.Okay, thanks.Reina.Thank you soYou're the best hype woman.But- Always.the card is from this Sufi Wisdom Oracle Deck.Mm.Which I'm very drawn to anything that is Rumi and the card is trust your gut feeling.that.And the poem, I just wanna read the, the poem at the beginning.Um, well, the title is Trust Your Gut Feeling, Let Your Heart Lead You to Who You Are and then the poem says, "Each person has been made for some specific work.The longing for that work has been put into the heart.We waste our energy designing and carrying out plans to become what we already are."Rumi.Mm.I love that.And that about sums it up.But that's beautiful.It's really true.Yeah.We make all these plans and it's gonna happen naturally and it's wonderful.And growth doesn't have to feel like work all the time.When you think of it more like digging a well rather than climbing a mountain, and realizing that there's no mountaintop, there's no, "I'm healed now."Because every time you get to the top of that mountain, you see another one in the distance and the challenge is greater, because you have more capacity.So, I truly believe nothing is put in your path that you can't handle.And yeah, if you're listening, you're crushing it, keep going.Yes.Yes.And the fun, let yourself have fun.Fun is healing.Yes.You know?That'sFun is just as much medicine as the quote unquote like- Fun is healing.hard healing.That's part of healing, yes.You know?So, if you wanna have fun with us, Monarch Mystery School Retreats, we'll have, uh, some more that we're announcing for 2026.We're going back to Mexico next May for the Return to You Retreat.I think we may have planted a seed for, uh, Muir Woods while we were in Tucson, so stay tuned.That kept coming up, you're so right.Well, and then, okay, so then I came home also, and the book I was reading also had Muirw- and I was like- Oh, okay.Well.Actually, okay, so they had Muir Woods and they also had New Mexico.Uh- Okay.'cause we were- 3 strikes, you're in.Like, we gotta make this happen.Yeah.Yeah, like, it's, it's happening.So anyway, Muir Woods at some point next year, guys, if you wanna join us, the art of becoming.Mm.I loveI just, I'm just so, I'm so excited to continue to watch you blossom, Reina.And anyone listening, please, please, please go check her out on Instagram, lighthousethin, or it's lighthouse.within.@lighthouse.within.Oh, good memory, yes.Okay, good.Yes.And if you are loving these conversations, please, please, please continue to share Flip the Script with Vick with your family, your friends.The more that we can spread the word and have these open conversations as women, I think the better off we're all gonna be.So please like, rate, subscribe, review, all the good things.Thank you so much, Reina.I love you.I love everyone listening.Be good to one another.I'll see you real soon.Bye.