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Join Christine Spratley in this heartfelt episode of 'Fuck Fear,' as she candidly shares her journey through life's massive changes and challenges. From leaving a 29-year career and a long-term relationship to discovering newfound family connections, Christine navigates the emotional roller coaster with openness and vulnerability. Rooted in the inspiration she finds in Pink's song 'All I Know So Far,' she discusses the importance of choosing happiness, embracing uncertainty, and standing by oneself through every hurdle. Christine also touches on the duality of experiencing both grief and joy and the decisive act of accepting one's scars. Dive into an episode filled with personal revelations, courage, and the relentless pursuit of fulfillment.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Theme
01:41 Personal Struggles and Changes
03:24 Embracing Change and Uncertainty
05:42 Life Choices and Their Impact
07:35 Discovering New Relationships
09:40 Navigating Emotions and Self-Discovery
13:50 The Power of Music and Personal Growth
17:29 Living Authentically and Embracing Scars
32:27 Commitment to Self and Conclusion
Creators and Guests
What is F*ck Fear with Christine Spratley: Living Like a Head Bitch In Charge ?
This podcast is for anyone who wants to live like an HBIC—or lives with, works with, marries, dates, or is raising one. Let’s be real: being a Head Bitch in Charge is messy, bold, and unapologetically badass. This is not a guidebook—it’s a pantry.
My guests and I will share the ingredients that we use—what’s worked and what’s failed—as we say “fuck fear” and take action to live a fulfilled life. We cover real-life hacks and deep philosophical pillars to navigate the chaos of everyday life—where some days, my only accomplishment is having a bra on and my teeth brushed.
We’re tackling the daily shit women navigate, from workplace politics to relationships, raising kids, and building careers, all with humor, audacity, and zero filters.
So, tune in—tell your friends, and even your enemies. This isn’t about aging with grace—it’s about aging with mischief, audacity, and a damn good story to tell.
17 Fuck Fear
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[00:00:00]
riverside_christine_raw-synced-video-cfr_fuck_fear_0023: Tubs, ladies and gentlemen, you are listening to Fuck Fear with Christine Spratley, living like a head bitch in charge HBIC and today. You know, Joe, I almost didn't come in. I've been not taping for a week, but [00:01:00] we had some to, to go through. So I, I had, um, I had a hard time figuring out what I was gonna do for this episode.
So today's episode. It's called, all I know so far, and some of you, if you've listened to my podcast at all, know that I love music and, um, all sorts of music. And one of the big songs, right, that has played a huge kind of role in my life is his pinks All I know so far. And, um, I, I literally was sitting over at Juice five going, what the hell am I gonna talk about today?
And nothing felt right, nothing felt. Real and to kind of give you, and when I say you, the audience and everybody kind of, I'm, I'm going through a lot. There's nothing in my life has been the same from six months ago. Nothing. Um, I mean, I, I'm safe and I'm saying, and I'm [00:02:00] sober. Um, and, but there's been change all the way around.
And, um, I've chosen change. Um, so about couple years ago I started, or I can't remember when I, I, I don't know when, but a while ago I started listening to, to Pink's All I know so far, and it really just started resonating with me. And there's a lot of stuff that I'm going through, and again, these are choices that I've made and it's part of, you know.
Being responsible and accountable to my happiness and my fulfillment. But in that, there's this duality of having clarity about where you want to be or and, and even more so where you don't want to be anymore. And. Then coming into and trying to figure out what that means [00:03:00] as you go into where you wanna be and what that looks like and how that looks like.
And so you're leaving a lot of things behind, um, that don't, you know, I hate that term, don't serve you anymore, but just don't fit and you're not sure what does fit. And, um, there's a lot of scariness out there. There's a lot of uncertainty. But then there's this clarity about, no, this is, this is where I'm supposed to be going.
And so you're heading down this road, and I think I've talked about it before when I talked about starting the marathon. You know you have the destination, okay, but you don't know how long it's gonna take to get there, and you don't exactly know where it's at. It's like, okay, it's somewhere, it's gonna be over here.
Um, and so when you open yourself up to all of that. There's, um, I call it sometimes like standing in the hallway. You know, you're not in the room and you're not [00:04:00] outside, but you're in this hallway and I don't even know if there's a room to go into anymore. Um, so today's episode is, is kind of, I'm gonna go through some things that are going on with May and, um, the, the one thing that really stands out and, is, there's this line in there that this says, I wish someone would've told me that this life is ours to choose. And that's what I really mean about going after your fulfillment and going after what, what makes you happy and, and, and, and treating yourself with the love and the care that you treat others with, and, and demanding that for yourself.
And. This is my choice. All of this has been a choice of mine, and no one hands you [00:05:00] a map. No matter how many books I read, no matter how many things I quote, even. Even this song, okay? It means a lot to me, but it means a lot to me because I'm looking at it through my life. Through my eyes. So anything I learn, whether it's stories, whether it's this, whether it's in business, whatever, I have to apply it.
If someone's got five steps. I still have to work 'em and do 'em and, and make them mine. And that's why I talk about the pantry here. It's like I've got ingredients that I have learned from other people, um, or I've gone through myself, but I don't know that those are the ingredients you need. And so it's like, but these are the choices that I get to make.
And there's some real freedom with that. So today feels very unsteady, very painful, but also very clear. Um, I see things very wide open, so there's a mix of the [00:06:00] grief of leaving the things, um, and the truth. And then there's this strange piece and, and this is gonna sound really crazy, um, but I wouldn't choose any other path right now.
Yeah, I've made some. Mistakes. And I've made some decisions. You know, I could have done this or I could have done that differently or whatever, but I wouldn't choose anything. Even though it's the hardest thing that I've ever been through in my life.
It's going to, it's also the most rewarding thing and I'm not even through it. And it's rewarding, left a career of 29 years and it wasn't all at one place, so it was, but it was in the same industry. I, um, found out my, my birth mother and I found out I had a brother.
I left a marriage, um, a relationship, um, of 17 years. I left my house. [00:07:00] I left all of those things. Um, I started. Speaking, um, and not behind a brand or anything else. I just started speaking behind me, um, which is very different. I never played in social media. I spent many years being off the grid, and so this is a, you know, again, very different, very new.
And, and then, um, found out my, my birth father is black and I'm biracial, and, you know, and, and, and then I started a podcast, when I say everything is different, it's all different. And again, these are my choices and I, I, so like an example of, of some of the stuff, I'm not talking just about leaving my relationship or, or things like that, but like getting to know my, my little brother.
And the joy of that. But then also the, you know, we talked the other day, the, the [00:08:00] pain that we both kind of feel not having, have had a sibling relationship. 'cause when I, his name is Scott, and when Scott and I talk. We are, we are so much alike. I mean, our sense of humor, our sarcasm, I mean, there's a lot of things that we're not alike.
Um, but there are just some things where we just throw down on and, and it's like, we, we had this conversation the other night about, you know, what, not what would've coulda should have, but, but just how we missed that. And our, our paths are very similar in the sense that we didn't really have close sibling relationships with anybody, with anybody else.
And now we have this. And it's, it's kind of like you, you don't know that you want something until you have it and you go, Ooh, I like this. So there's that beauty that's happening right now. I've even talked to him, I said, you [00:09:00] know, if I would've known a couple years ago, I'm not sure I would be the same person today that I am.
A couple years ago, I was very different. I wasn't as open. I wasn't as honest, and so again, it's this thing of I'm making these choices to get involved in things and then leave other things behind. So there is this grief and this truth and this peace and this joy that's happening all at once. I want one feeling at a time place.
This one feeling at a time, and maybe I can do five feelings in a minute, but just one of those motherfuckers at a time. And that's not how life happens to me. And what's really great though is that I know that I call it, it's like catching waves. You, you swim out and, because you gotta paddle out to catch the wave and, and then you ride it.
And some days it's the most epic thing and you're, you know, whatever. And I don't surf, but I've watched. [00:10:00] And, and they go through the tunnel and it's awesome. And then other times they crash. I mean, it's broken forward, you know, and there's sharks out, you know, like all of this stuff. But then you, it gets done and then you, and then you get reset, and then you paddle back out.
And so it's like, okay, all right here, you know, this is the wave, this is the emotion, whatever. And that's what's really strange is to have all of this happening at once. And what I am really proud of is that I'm not fighting it. I'm not trying to stuff it in a box. I'm not trying to go, this is what I feel I just am, you know, I sat over there at, at Juice five and and just cried.
I, I cry now in public and I take off my shades and I do it, and I don't do it for other people. I do it for me, and I'm okay when I cry. I remember getting ready to fly back from Arizona in October. I was out there at a speaking gig and I flew [00:11:00] back and I got on the plane and I cried and I took off my shades and I just sat there and I cried and no one needed to reach over or anything, you know, I was, I was okay, but I just, I just was sad but there's also this really strange part of these choices that I've made that I'm feeling about that behind, but I'm also becoming, and, but I don't know what I'm becoming because it's, it's almost like you get to go, you know, I'm becoming a big sister. I am. Um.
I'm becoming single. I am, um, I'm bi biracial. What the fuck does that mean? You know, I, I, I grew up in a little town in Dun, outside Dunlap, Iowa, and on a farm in a, you know, I, like, I, I don't even, I, I don't even remember knowing anybody [00:12:00] of, of, of color growing up. Let alone having any identity to that. And yeah, when I moved to, to San Antonio or to to Dallas and then down to Austin, I, I saw people that had.
That look dark like me and, you know, and, and it, and I'm, I'm light. Um, but I grew up, my family that I, my adopted family is extremely light skinned. They're Irish, you know, dark hair freckles. I've got their, you know, I've got my mom. My mom was Irish and French, so I've got her freckles. She had red hair, blue eyes, fair skinned.
I have freckles, I have a little bit of red in my hair. I've got dark skin. So what does that mean? How do I even find out about that? And so I'm becoming, and I'll, and that's, while that's freeing.
It's also like, well, what does this mean? And how much of the old [00:13:00] stuff do I take with me? And how much of the, the career and, and all of this. you hear me cuss a lot and you hear me say, fuck here, and you hear me do all that, but it's not so much out of rebellion. It's outta defiance to not be defeated and to not stay because I can't just, I can't just kind of, okay, I'll, you know, 'cause I've gotta just go, no, this is it.
Like I'm gonna do this. And so it's like I'm gonna become, but you, you, you, you be defiant in what you're leaving. But you can't just go, well this is not what I am, because that's not how it's evolving for me. It's been slow and believe you me, I've tried to box it up. Um, so there's this, this line, and if you haven't looked at pink or read the [00:14:00] song, um, you know, just do, there's this line in there and it says, I wasn't born a renegade.
I felt alone. Still feel afraid. I stumbled through it Anyway. That's what I feel like I'm doing. You know, I'm not doing this to be anything more than who I am, and I'm gonna make mistakes, but I'm gonna go, come hell or high water, I'm gonna go that's the living part.
And so you just stumble through it and. And I'm okay with that, you know, and I think that what I forget sometimes is there's another, there's another line. And it's, you know, when when they dress you up in lies and you're like left naked with the truth. And what's funny is that you think that all these things.
That other people have it figured out or [00:15:00] that this is what it looks like to arrive or this is what I become, you know? And then when, when you take all that away and you're left with the truth that I don't know. And how do you walk forward when you don't know? And you just, you're walking towards and you don't really know what it looks like, but you can feel it and you know that it's that you've got to go forward to get it.
And I, and I just, I don't know, it's just everything really falls away from you and, and you start to,
you start to just be really okay. With being naked because you realize that that's all you really have. Like you're just, that's it. Like everything else is stripped and that's okay. And [00:16:00] that you, you hear me say this a lot and a lot, you are enough, and I don't have to be the finished product. I can be confused and stumbling I'm so tired of. Okay, we're gonna get there. You know, Joe, we're gonna get there. We're gonna, we're gonna have it all figured out and it's gonna be this nice, nice little box. And I'm just okay with the fact that I'm kind of naked right now and it's really, like I said, it's scary.
It's hard, it's, but it's also glorious because I'm finding new and different things if you're, if you're sitting there listening to me and you're going, well, she's just all over the place today. Well, yeah, I am. I am. And if that's not your jam, that's not your jam today.
But you're gonna have those days. And if you don't, I just think you're full of shit. We all have 'em. [00:17:00] We all, many meander in our lives and question, and I think the ones that don't, um, I know I, I can't say the ones that don't. I have to say when I don't. It's because I'm denying that, because I'm still dressing it up.
I'm still saying this is exactly how it is. I've learned everything that I need to learn. This isn't gonna change, this isn't gonna go anywhere any further or anything like that. And that's not how it works. It's just not, [00:18:00] there's this part in the song where, and, and this is one of my favorites and this is where I got fuck fear from and, and is throw your head back and you spit in the wind, let the walls crack. 'cause it lets the light in and. That's kind of where I get the fuck fear from. You just, you know that it's gonna come back and I'm getting ready to do some things and take some actions in my life, um, that I need to take.
And Joe, we talked about 'em a little bit earlier and it's gonna be hard and I'd rather not do 'em. Um. But you gotta let the cracks happen. You've gotta, you know, I have the mugshot crew and um, you know, I get so [00:19:00] much from, from you guys that do that because I send out these mugshots and they're very sarcastic most of the times.
And, and then I get these amazing gifts back. And, um, I was communicating with one of the, the ladies and, and she said, you know, just let it break down so it can be rebuilt. And again, you become something more. And I'm gonna tell you this story 'cause I don't think it's a coincidence that I have so many blessings in my life right now.
As hard as it is right now that I'm getting people in my life that give me these amazing gifts. And this is an example. Um, so I did a, a sh a content photo shoot. Okay. On Monday it sounds like, woo, whatever. It's, all it is, is I have to get content out. And so I. Took, someone came in, um, the woman who's helping with my social media, and she came in and she did different shots and we, you know, just got different [00:20:00] things and Joe came over here and you play with the dogs and did different things and, and, um, but before that, I.
I had, I had lost a ton of weight and so I didn't have, and when I left the house, I didn't take any clothes, a whole lot of clothes. Um, and the ones that I did have left, it didn't fit me 'cause I lost 63 pounds. That was over time. It wasn't like in the last six months. Um, but I was, I was shopping and, um, couldn't find anything.
And again. What am I now? I don't go to corporate. I don't, I don't need that. What is this? And um, and I don't have a lot of money like I used to have. Um, and 'cause it's all going, you know, into the business or whatever. So I'm like, ah, you know, and I'm having this head space, you know, and first, and, and some backdrop on that is I don't like shopping.
I like spending money. But I don't like shopping. It's not, it's not [00:21:00] ever been a really pleasant experience for me, um, even though I do it very well. Um, and, um, so I'm getting, I'm over at North Hills and there's this place, Vivace, and I didn't, I didn't wanna walk by it because. There, there, there may have been some people there that I knew or didn't know, and that, that my husband knew or didn't know.
And, and I, and it just, it was in really weird head space for all of a sudden. And so I walked around the parking lot, okay. And then I'm like, I don't even need to go there. I shouldn't even be spending money. Like I, and I walked around the parking lot and came in and I'd never been in the store. It's called Marta.
And I walk in and I told her what I was looking for. She said here, and she was, her name was Marta. Um, she was the owner and she said, I know exactly what you want. She has this European, this Eastern European accent. And, um, she's like five four maybe. I don't know. [00:22:00] She my height. And she just, you know, and then so I go in the dressing room and try and she brings the stress in and I look at it and I'm like, this is really pretty.
, but I'm like, I don't wear, I told her I don't wear prints and, and it was the blue dress. And again, the blessings in our life. She just looks at me, she says, you just need to try it on. And um, I don't know if any, if any of you have ever been told what to do by an Eastern European woman, but they're, but it's very great.
And I was like, immediately you just know what to do, when to do it, how to do it. And so I come out and I have my socks on and she asked me, she goes, socks.
And, you know, go take your socks off, you know, better than that. And immediately I knew that I loved her right then. 'cause I was like, you know, you do, you don't try certain, [00:23:00] you don't try ni you don't try clothes on with socks on. Like, you just don't if you wanna, you know, and I mean, you can, I do it all the time, but she was like not having it.
Um, so she says, here, put these shoes on. And, um, and I'm telling myself, I'm like, ah, you know, this is, ah. I looked in the mirror and I started crying and, um, and I, and she was like, she noticed and she's like, what's going on? How are you? You know, oh, what's going on? And I kind of told her what was going on, um, just in general.
And I said, I'm crying because. I've always told myself, I don't wear clothes like this. I don't wear prints. I don't wear clothes like this. And I really love it and I look really good and I feel really [00:24:00] good and I really love it. And I, I guess I do, I guess I do now and. That's what this is kind of like when you throw your head back and you spit on the wind and you, and you let the light in you, the light sometimes blinds you and you're just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
And you don't know what to do and it feels really great. But then, and so I feel like I'm being put back together or, or created, I don't know what I am, but it's like all of this stuff is starting to come out and, and it's okay. And then.
She shared her story with me and I, and I'll have her on as a guest, and I can't share it with you, but it's a pretty impactful story. It's a pretty amazing, powerful story and about her rebuilding and her letting the light in and her having to literally start from nothing [00:25:00] and, um, and build herself up, not just a business but herself.
And we, we talked about that and about how, that's the amazing part is, you know, when you're a kid you just wanna try all the flavors and you're just like, aha. And you're not worried. And I think we get so much, or I do, I get so out of the habit of, of. Adding to my life or planning the flowers or being, you know, what do I like today?
Or who am I today? And I just rely on who I was or the narrative from my job or my relationship with the kids, or, or what society tells me these things are that right now I, I get to go, what does that all mean? What am I now? Who am I? And you know, I mean. Down to it. The dress had pockets. Oh, [00:26:00] I mean, it was like a, it was like a, it had this structure of like a Carolina Herrera dress, but the feel of a Sophia Lauren dress, but it wasn't Fooey or girl, you know?
It was just the right of everything and it was like, I, God, I guess this is me, part of me now. And there was some.
You know, the light was coming in and then I got to know her and, and, and so we've started to communicate and we've started to talk about other women and, and she does these amazing things I'm gonna have her on as a guest. But again, I. That's what the beauty of this is, is that, and the duality of what's going on is that there's so many things that are happening in my life that are hard and painful and grief, but then there's all this joy and this love and this warmth [00:27:00] and this laughter, that I get to have and.
That is what is really amazing about when things get broken. Then, you know, you plant your own garden and, and, and then all of a sudden someone brings you flowers and so you have tons of flowers. You have what's in your garden now, what somebody else brought to you. Going back to Pink Song.
There's another line and it says, stay unfiltered and loud. You'll be proud of the skin, full of scars. And, um, and I am, I'm so proud of my scars. Um, and again, I'm not done yet, you know, and I'm not done at all. Right. But I don't, I don't regret them. but I've [00:28:00] survived 'em. And I wonder, you know, as you're listening to this, I've done a lot of talking about me, but as, as you're listening to this, what scars do you have that, that you look back and, and you go, wow, I, I made it through that.
I, I, I do a talk. As you know, our, our, our boardroom and our war room scars are their new bling. You know, we made it through, and I'm not damaged. I'm not anything. They're just scars. You know, I, I, I have a crooked nose and most people can't tell, but I do 'cause of boxing. But that's kind of how I look at it.
You know, some days it bothers me and some days it doesn't, but it's just part of my journey. And, and so it's, it, they're these scars. [00:29:00] They, they've hurt, but now they're healed. And I just, I, I can be loud and I can be quiet, I can be unsure, and I can be powerful. I can be confused and I can have grief, and I can have gratitude at the same time.
Um, but it doesn't mean that I've failed. Um, it means I've survived I'm just not gonna regret or anything 'cause this is just who I am. And I was talking with the, the friend that introduced my husband and I, and I said, you know, I don't get, we don't get this conversation.
It was like, like we talked for like an hour, like a couple hours. And um, it was like 1230, which is way past my bedtime. Um, and I said, we don't get to have this conversation with this much meaning, and we both shared a lot just [00:30:00] about us and. Um, we don't get that connection if I don't have those scars, if I don't go through those things.
That's the thing is if wherever you're sitting at today and whatever I enjoy today, I don't get the same exact thing unless I've been through the same exact thing. There's, there's no guarantee that I can't, and I don't think that I would. Because I know me. And if there was an easier, softer way, you know, I, a lot of times I would've taken it and, and I wouldn't know.
I wouldn't know what it, like, you know, it's like they say you don't know how good water tastes until you're thirsty. And I think sometimes that's true. Now granted I can, I can taste water when it's, when I'm not thirsty. But man, that there's those days where, and I remember at the boxing gym we'd get done and.
I would put, I would [00:31:00] literally freeze my, my water bottle and then we'd get done. We worked in this like garage kind of gym where they literally rolled up thing we'd get done, and that water would taste so good. And I'm not saying that everything has to be hard for you to treasure it, but I'm saying I do.
I can't get all of what I have today necessarily without going through it. And so I've gone through it and I'm, and I'm in the hallway still. I'm still going through it. So there is this strange duality. Just because I am in pain does not mean that I'm weak, or just because I'm in grief does not mean that I'd have gratitude.
Don't have gratitude. Just because I'm angry does not mean that I don't have joy and peace. I'm learning that it not only can all coexist, um, but it [00:32:00] sometimes it all has to. I think I was telling her last night, I said, no, I can deal with these emotions, just not like all of the mullet wounds. Then there's this amazing thing that happens when they all happen at once and I go out and I ride it and I crash or I smooth sailing and then I paddle back out.
And I, I'm telling you all this because this is how I showed up today. I, and I've not done, I, I think I've said this many times, I've not done everything the right way, you know, and I've, there, there's another line. It says, um, you might give yourself away and pay full price for each mistake. So think about what mistakes you've made in your life that you've paid for, you know, but it has a freedom, has a cost, and to me it's worth it.[00:33:00]
And so part of me learning that these, these were mistakes is going, Ooh, that hurt. But then I don't, like I said before, when I started. I'm walking towards something and I don't know exactly what it is, but I know exactly what I don't want it to be anymore. I don't know. It's not all fully developed and part of, not part of knowing.
What I don't want is because I've made the mistakes and I'm gonna make a lot more. I am too much of a smart ass. I'm too much of a sarcastic person. I'm too much of a, you know, I got too pompous too quick that I'm just not gonna, I mean, I'm gone. I'm gone. I'm gonna make mistakes, but I'm, I'm walking. As long as I keep walking, as long as I keep, again, having people in my life that go, Hey, kiddo, what's, what's going on here?
And friends that call me and spend hours on the phone with me telling me about their journeys, the freedom from making the [00:34:00] mistake. I learn that I get from making the mistake that cost, that I pr, that I pay for. That mistake is that is the freedom that I get and that's really wonderful. So I'm not, I don't worry nearly as much about doing it right as I worry and I, again, I don't worry, but I try to.
Think about why I'm doing it, how I'm doing it, but I don't worry about getting it right.
And that's kind of what I know so far. When I went to coaching first I thought, well, I love giving advice and I, you know, I, I'll just tell people what to do. I know how to do that.
And, um, but I don't know. [00:35:00] I don't know what you need. I think I know and you know, but I don't know. And so much of life. If you really watch others, they pretend. They pretend they've got the five, you know, the five step this or the how to do this and how to do that. But like I said earlier in this podcast, everything that I, even if you have the ingredients, I have to bake it.
I have to watch the stove, I have to stir it. I have to figure out what my taste is and the lyrics in the song. I really love is people will pretend, but baby girl, nobody knows. And there's another line that comes after that that is even, I can't teach you how to fly, but I can show to how to live like your life is on the line.
And I remember talking with a woman about this line and she says, well, it sounds like you're in fight or [00:36:00] flight and. That's not a way to live. And I'm like, no, but what if, what if I did live, like my life was on the line? Like it was that important, like I was that precious. What if you were, were treating yourself like you treat your child, you defended yourself, you stood up for yourself, you encouraged yourself.
What if your life was on the line to live? And what I, for me, I believe that it is because when I'm not living and I'm not going, and I'm not giving and I'm not feeling, and I'm, I'm not protecting myself in the sense of all the love and the gener, the stuff that I give myself, that I give to others.
Instead, when I'm not doing it for me and living like that, then I'm just, my [00:37:00] life is, ah, it's there. I'm living for others, I'm living for somebody else. I'm changing who I am. I'm fitting into this box. I'm somebody else's, comes before me and you know, I'm gonna screw up this quote. The, the damage I do to others is by not taking care of myself and by not, you know, taking care of me is what is how I damage others is because I'm not giving, I'm not giving wholeheartedly because I'm not taking care of myself.
And, and so I'm, I'm running on a deficient mode. And so, but I know how to, I know how to spit in the wind. I know how to go out and, and go, yeah, let's, let's go. And I don't know what that looks like for you, but I know how to like, come on. You know, it's like, I say that when I say that, and you probably are listening to this.
What I, what I do when I say that is like when you grab your [00:38:00] butt and you put your arm in there, you're like, come on, let's go. Like, I will throw down with you on that. I will help you. I will figure it out. Like let's go. But I need to do that for me. I need to have my own back. I need to go and say, no, Christine, come on, let's go.
And, and no one really knows. That's the beauty of us individually, living our own lives. And that's the gift of, for me anyway, my life. That's the whole purpose of me being here. So when I judge other people's out, my insides by other people's outsides or I say, when I get this job or you know, I have this security, or when I, you know, when I get to be speaking at this level or I have this many views or you know, like all of that, then all of this other stuff will, will fit.
And it's like, no, it fits now it, I live now and that's what's [00:39:00] good. And. I think one of the things for me about this song is when I started and a lot, I do this a lot with songs, I started telling it to myself instead of saying it like she wrote it for her daughter. But I, there's a amazing by Teddy swims that I, when I, that song comes up on my radio, I listen to it, it's in my playlist on every playlist that I have, and I, I turn the mirror and I sing it to myself.
It's about a guy singing it to his girlfriend or his wife. Um, well I sing this, I do these songs to myself and when I turn them inward and I say these things to myself, it's reminding me and it's treating me with love and compassion and joy and beauty. And there's the closing line in here, um, and it says, I will be with you till the world blows up.[00:40:00]
And I. It's this throw down of commitment towards yourself that you're not gonna abandon yourself to someone else to fix. You're not gonna abandon yourself for someone else to just fill all your voids and love every, you know, like, give, feel, all of that stuff for you. You are gonna do that for yourself.
It's not that other people can't do it with you. It's not that other people aren't invited in that journey. 'cause you've heard me talk about my amazing friends in my life that, that, that just give so much. But it's like, I will be with you. Like I will stand beside Christine when I'm in the hallway, when I'm making mistakes, when I'm crying at juice vibe,
and, and I will be there until it's all over and. That to me is what I mean by living like a head bitch in charge [00:41:00] is I am willing to stand by me. Mistakes, joys, grief, love, laughter, all of it. And I think when you can say that about yourself to yourself.
I think I'm in a good place.
So ladies, gentlemen, haven't done one of these before. Um, but thank you. Thank you for your time. Thank you for listening and thank you for just being there. And until next time, tubs.[00:42:00]