18. Lighting Shabbos Candles When You Are A Guest

If you're staying at someone else’s home or a hotel, do you still light Shabbos candles? And if you do… should you make a bracha?

Rav Shlomo Katz explores the halachic layers of being an ore’ach—a guest—and whether lighting in someone else’s space fulfills the mitzvah of hadlakat nerot.

Drawing from Peninei Halakha, the Shulchan Aruch, the Rema, and the Mishnah Berurah, we unpack minhagim across Ashkenaz and Sephardic communities, modern safety concerns, and the deeper purpose of the mitzvah itself: the light, the place, and the benefit.

What is Shabbos Illuminated: Learning Hilchot Shabbat with Rav Shlomo Katz?

Rav Shlomo Katz journeys through the halachot of Shabbat using the sefer Peninei Halakha by Rav Eliezer Melamed, weaving together clarity in psak with the depth of Chassidus and the soul of niggun. From candle lighting to last-minute preparations, from the halachic to the emotional—each episode is a doorway into a more alive, more rooted Shabbos. Whether you’re just beginning or relearning it all again, come enter the holiness of Shabbos from the inside out.

בוקר טוב, חברה. We are continuing with the הלכות of שבת regarding lighting שבת candles. Specifically today we're going to be speaking about what happens when you go and you're a guest at someone's house. This is something that happens quite commonly.

No, let's think outside the box for a second. What would be the logic, what would be the reasoning? We're on page 69. What would be, what do you think would be a good טענה, a good reason behind not making a woman light when she goes to someone else's house based on everything we've learned? Simple because it's about the light and the woman in the house is lighting the light. It's done.

Now what would be a reason that she... What if she doesn't come back to the house? No, no, you're staying, you're staying there, you're staying there. You're staying with... you're going away for שבת.

Okay, now what would be a reason for the other side? Because you have a חיובי of lighting, like you have a consistency of lighting candles that you light every week. I don't know if that's strong enough. Because if the מצווה is about what you said before, that wouldn't, that wouldn't suffice. More light.

Are we talking just like a ריבוי אור? No. I don't know. It seems like the first thing is much stronger. The first thing is the reason why we do it.

Right. Therefore, yeah, yeah. When you're on the road without the family for שבת, do you light? Where are you? If you're in someone else's house? You're on the road, I'm asking you. If I've, I'm only, I told, I said in a שיעור a few weeks ago that I was only one time alone in an apartment for שבת.

You're staying in a hotel. You, you were staying with somebody. Me? You're in Toronto. No.

You personally. Why not? I never did. Why not? Because I'm יוצא with the... this was the מצווה is on the light being in the house.

The בעלת הבית is lighting. It's not like a personal, like putting on תפילין. I know, I think, I think the... Were you late when you were on the road? I've been told to light when I'm on the road.

We're going to see here, it's interesting, we're going to see here that it's not so, it's not so clear either way, but regarding women... What's the source for the other way? For what way? For lighting. To light if you're a guest at someone's house? Ask him. What's the source for your wife to light when she's at somebody else's house? We're going to learn that today.

What's the source for your wife? I don't know, I don't... We're going to, we're going to learn that today. Stay tuned. Stay tuned.

Let's learn. כאשר משפחה מתארחת אצל חברתה יש אומרים שרק בעלת הבית תדליק נר בברכה. So there is a, there's a מנדעמר that says when you go into someone's house, only the, the hostess, the בעלת הבית, should be the one that's lighting. והאורחת תדליק נרות בלא ברכה.

Interesting. So she does light, but not with a ברכה. Okay, so why? What could be the logic behind that? ברכה לבטלה. Why would it be ברכה לבטלה? There's already light.

There's no purpose for your lighting, so you can't say השם. It's not the usual... So then okay, so should your daughter be lighting שבת candles after your wife lit the שבת candles? Because then you're still adding to the light and you're in the household. Same thing with the guest.

But it's חינוך, but it's not, then it's... I'm talking about your 17-year-old daughter who's not married yet. Not yours, I'm just saying hypothetically. My daughter lit since three.

That's true, yeah. Yeah. Okay. והאורחת תדליק.

This is just one... You're just fighting for sure to do that. They're very careful about a ברכה לבטלה. משום, right.

So he says over here, why should the אורחת light without a ברכה? משום שיש ספק אם יש בהם צורך. And if there's a ספק, obviously we're not going to go there. וכך דעת בעל השולחן ערוך, וכך נוהגים בחלק מקהילות ספרדים, exactly what you said, Avi. ולדעת שאר הפוסקים והרמ"א, גם האורחת יכולה לברך על הדלקת נרותיה, משום שכל נר נוסף מרבה את אורה.

So from the language of, from the thing of ריבוי אור, we say it's okay. וכך המנהג אצל כל האשכנזים וחלק מקהילות הספרדים, כדוגמת עולי מרוקו, that what, you do go, when you do go, you do say it with a ברכה because of ריבוי אור. למעשה, אין קיים צורך להיכנס לספק זה, but really, it's not really a ספק today. What would be the ספק back then? If there was no light in the house already.

Correct. כיום מפני שבכל בית ישנם כמה חדרים ורגילים להקצות חדר לאורחים, ובאותו חדר לכל הדעות האורחת רשאית להדליק נרות בברכה. That's a little bit still confusing, because he's saying over here, where is there no ספק? When you're given your own room. And over there, you're definitely allowed to light with a ברכה.

But that's not how we, that's not what happens, because when you go to someone's house and you're a guest there, you light in the, right. You light wherever else is lighting, right? In hotels, you know, you see hundreds of people lighting all the candles like... נכון. נכון.

What's the point of that? נכון. וכן כאשר המטבח נפרד ממקום הסעודה, when the kitchen is separate from the place of the feast, האורחת יכולה להדליק נרות בברכה במטבח. Again, this is not the way that... He's saying over here the היתר would be to light with a ברכה is when it's separate.

But it's not so simple that when you're going, like the way that we do it, that you go and you light where there's already light to say with the ברכה. ואמנם, עיקר הדלקת נרות הוא במקום הסעודה. אולם יש מצווה שיהיה אור מסוים גם בשאר החדרים, ולכן כאשר שתי משפחות שופטות יחד, טוב שהמארחת תדליק במקום החשוב של ליד השולחן, והאורחות תדלקנה במקומות הנוספים כדוגמת המטבח וחדרי השינה. He brings us from the משנה ברורה.

Good to know, no? Now this is where the, this is like where it'd be interesting for us to see how we show up. We just learned something that is going to be a חידוש to us in our lives because this is not the way we act. But the הלכה, he brings down from the הלכה that this is how we should do it. So how מקפיד are we going to be that when we go to someone's house and our wives light that we actually have them light in a different room? Check it out with the hostess.

Let's say they're cool. If they're cool. If they're cool, would you be cool? Would she be cool? Especially if you offer to buy the little electric candles so you don't have to worry about it, then you put them in your room and she lights in there or uses the electric candles in the room. Yeah.

Then you don't have to worry about the... But the electric candles you can, that's... The whole thing is בדיעבד that she's lighting in a guest house. It says over here, it's no, when he says טוב שתדליק means that that even לכתחילה it's good that she does.

לכתחילה you should be lighting a candle, not a, not one of the צומת. Yeah, but you're talking about two different things. You're talking about one, what you're lighting, and two where you're lighting. Two different things.

So we're not speaking about, yeah, we're not speaking about the first thing, no. So if the homeowner has an issue with you lighting candles in a bedroom just because they're worried if it's going to catch on fire or something, then you bring your little electric candle. But he's not even speaking about bedroom, he's talking about, talking about a different room, it could be the kitchen even where there's, you know, much less of a, I mean, they're probably much, much less of a worry if they're lighting in the kitchen than you're lighting in a room that's given. But this is interesting.

This is like ממשה, not the way that we hold. It's almost a given, oh you go somewhere for שבת. Oh, can I, I do this also. I always set up extra candles right next to where Bina lights, and now I'm thinking like...

Yeah, but I'm also thinking, would I, would I set up in their bedroom? No. I think he's saying in a different room. He says here a different room. Right.

They have like, here, you can light over there. Right. Hey, go there. Open floor plan.

You're being a guest, being the host. Like, this is before open floor plans. Right. They have no WeWork.

No. Right, right. When there was no WeWork. Okay.

וכן כאשר סידרו דירה מיוחדת לאורחים, okay, this is, this, this is more common and this we, we we do hold by, I think, that when you're given your own like apartment, even a basement apartment, טוב שהאורחת תדליק נרות באותה דירה בברכה. Where you're staying, where you're lodging, that's where you do it with a ברכה. וכדי שתוכל ליהנות מאור הנרות, תקפיד להדליק נרות גדולים שישארו דולקים עד לאחר שיחזרו מסעודת ליל שבת. Okay, that's already, you can't put that on the hostess as well, but if you know that it's going to be your situation, you should travel, it seems with large candles that would benefit you also once the סעודה is over.

That's what it seems over here. ואם תדליק נרות רגילים, and if she lights, you know, normal, not large candles, תקפיד להישאר לידם עד שיתחיל להחשיך. She should remain by them until it starts to become dark so that she could have הנאה from the light. Exactly the opposite of חנוכה.

שאם לא, או שאחד מבני המשפחה ילך לפני הסעודה לראות את הנרות. Or someone from your family should go back to the house where you lit to receive, to benefit from הנאה from the candles that were lit. It's like very, this is very interesting, it's very, not common, it's not the way that we normally act. I gotta, I gotta run from dinner, I gotta go enjoy my candles.

But it's emphasizing that it's the light. Yeah. That's important. I mean, all of this is emphasizing the importance of having the light and benefiting from the light.

It's interesting, right? So the מצווה, okay, so it's a very good what you're saying actually because it really opens up this topic a little bit more. The מצווה is to light the candle, right? But the ramification, but the aftermath of the מצווה, it seems to be just as important as the מצווה. Right. But before, didn't you say that the מצווה was to benefit from the light and that's the confusion of the ברכה? The confusion of the ברכה is that להדליק נר של שבת isn't aligning with what the actual purpose of the, right.

is. Right. Well not, like based on this what would be a better language of the לשון of the ברכה? להנות. Yeah, like להרבות.

ברוך אתה השם אלוקינו מלך העולם אשר קדשנו במצוותיו וציונו להתענג, even like להתענג באור של שבת. So we just saw in מגילה where it was it to do... is it להקריא or is it לשמוע. Yeah, it's very interesting.

שאם לא יהיה אחד שיראה את הנרות לאחר שיחשיך, because if there isn't someone who sees the candles after it becomes dark, לא יהיה מהם כבוד שבת. ונמצא שההדלקה והברכה לבטלה. This is crazy. This even makes it more complicated on women that light שבת candles and then go to שול.

And they come back and let's say they're not using oil, they're using regular candles, and the light's out before you come back from שול. Right. I mean, any candles that we use stay lit. Even tea lights stay lit for like a few hours.

A long time. Even, even in שלמה's minyan? Yeah. I mean every guest light don't go out till like 11 after our meal. Oh, I don't know.

But you'd have to have that consciousness. I mean, like at least to have the consciousness that if, if my candles have a, that will last because if you don't. I mean we have this ענין by קידוש, you know, we're supposed, the candle should be still lit when you're doing קידוש because how, supposed to first gaze at the, and then see a reflection in the, we'll get to that. Okay, next page.

וכן בבתי מלון, שכולם אוכלים יחד בחדר האוכל. This brings up, Avrom, what you just brought up. טוב שרק אישה אחת תדליק בברכה בחדר האוכל, ושאר אנשים תדלקנה בחדרי השינה. That wouldn't go...

In hotels, no, they won't allow it. Here we go. It might be they have these electric lights. Yeah.

אמנם, ברוב בתי המלון אוסרים על האורחות להדליק נרות בחדרים מחשש שריפה, which makes sense, וכדי לאפשר לאורחות להדליק נרות, מכינים שולחן בחדר האוכל לנרות של כל הנשים. The שאלה there is, would you, would you say that everyone says it with a ברכה or not? I think לכתחילה, you would rather light in your room with electric candles than on the table with the שולחן with everybody else. Right. Even when you have like a בר מצווה in a shul, like they have candles, every, it's set up so pretty and all are you done, but what purpose does that give? But it's done all the time.

Unless you're eating there. The main thing is you make it fancy where you eat. But where were the candles? They were in the hallway. It wasn't in the, right.

Right. Right, on a tray. I know. Right near the coat room.

Right, and then the dinner is in the shulchan. ופי מנהג אשכנז וחלק מיצות ספרד, כל הנשים יכולות להדליק שם נרות בברכה. So according, according to this second opinion that we had, they can. It seems though, לכתחילה, they shouldn't.

But they can. ולמנהג הרבה מיצות ספרד, רק הראשונה תדליק בברכה והבאות אחריה תדלקנה בלא ברכה. That seems to be, you know, if we want to, if we want to understand the depth of this מצווה, that really seems much more authentic. Well, because they're very careful.

Women don't do נטילת לולב. They don't make a ברכה. They don't make a ברכה on להדליק נר של חנוכה. They're very strict.

It makes much more sense. So you're saying for, for us it'd be better to, would it be better to light electric candles in your room in the hotel, away from all that and with a ברכה, or light with all the women on the table in the hotel without a ברכה? It seems, it seems לכל הדעות, it seems לכתחילה, the first thing. It seems. No? I think so.

I guess that's why, but the thing is like, look even for, I'll tell you, like if I was a woman, I wouldn't feel connected to, I wouldn't feel connected, it's just I don't, you know, I've never done, we've never done it before. Even though I'm not חלילה dissinng what they did, because I think it's, it's unbelievable what they did, צומת. But it just doesn't, I don't know, this, this הרגל, do you really benefit, do you really have הנאה from that light? You get to read later, you do. But these are little, you can't read off those.

No, but they are something, there is something, I mean like, if you really want it to be, there is something beautiful about it. If you wanted to be, fine. Okay. Let's, let's continue, this is finished.

ישנה עוד עצה, שמלבד אישה אחת שתדליק בחדר האוכל, שאר אנשים תדלקנה בברכות נורות להט בחדר. שכבר למדנו שלדעת רובם המכריע של הפוסקים, אפשר לקיים את המצווה בנורת להט חשמלית. We learned that already last, last week. ואף הנוהגות כרמ"א, עדיף, exactly what we said, עדיף שתדלקנה נורה חשמלית בחדר, שיותר טוב לקיים כך את המצווה מאשר לקיים אותה במקום שיש אומרים שאין לברך בו.

The kitchen or the, that corridor is a ספק whether really a ברכה should be there. There wouldn't be a ספק though in the room that you're staying in. So of course it's better to do it in a place where there's no ספק of a ברכה. I just wonder if a ספרדי woman would do it in that room.

Of course, she would. She wouldn't do it. No. In your room.

Yeah, personal room, yeah. ועוד שיותר תועלת יש בהדלקת נורה חשמלית בחדר מאשר בהדלקת נרות רבים ליד חדר האוכל. Of course. There's tons of candles.

You're lighting your candle too. What תועלת is there as opposed to when you do it in your room, well, Tobi, whether you can read by it or not, the, it's הכר. There's a הכר. There's no הכר by the candles you're doing communally.

Don't, don't start feeling guilty about the... I think there has to be a reason that Jews, Orthodox Jews, don't do it this way. You think? Practically fire safety. No, but just like remember like with maariv, isn't there...

Maybe that, that's it. Remember with maariv isn't the whole like, the nation took it upon themselves... and we made it into a... a chov.

So there has to be this flip side... there has to be some... I'm not gonna light, I'm not gonna be home all night, I'm at a guest's house. Why in shul do we not light it properly? Why do we do it...

in the dining room, in the... shul's gonna burn at the table, I don't know. Like, and the holiday and not... I'm saying there has to be some...

You would, you would hope and think so. What's the source of that? It's just an idea. I mean it could just be that that's just what happened. I'm saying the whole world doesn't do it this way.

So there has to be some חכמה to why they don't do it this way. They also... They also... No, Orthodox Jews, not modern.

They also... Whoa. Ouch. Those two.

Oh. We should record this, it's an interesting discussion. No, this is interesting. Is it a minhag strict? This is a new discussion.

Wow. I was going to bring this in... When you see that it's in such a nice Canadian way that it comes through. For fire.

The fire issue. I just mentioned that. It's a fire. Wow.

Oh. אמנם, אמנם, כאשר ישנם בחדרי המלון ניאונים בלבד, so if you're in your room and all you have is the neon lights but not the, the, the, the... filament candle. Right.

אין לברך על הדלקתם כי אין בהם חוט להט כדוגמת הנר. Like we saw, it's missing the fire... no it's missing the, the um, the חוט, the... the filament, right.

במצב כזה, נכון שכולם תדלקנה על נרות בחדר האוכל. So in that case, it's better to light in the חדר האוכל, the שאלה is would you do it with a ברכה or no? No ברכה. למנהג אשכנז וחלק מספרד, תדלקנה בברכה. ולמנהג רוב ספרדים דיאות, הראשונה תדליק בברכה, והבאות אחריה בלא ברכה.

ספרד, the מעמד does and no one else does with the ברכה. והרוצות להדר יכינו לעצמן נורות להט ותקע עם שעון שבת. וכך יקיימו בחדר שבמלון את מצוות הדלקת נרות בברכה. That's so interesting.

Wow. Did you really say that here at the end? You set that special permitted שבת electric light for I don't know, five, six hours, whatever, till you're back home from the meal and you put it on a שבת clock. You understand how much this says about the הלכה of הדלקת נרות, like how much the focus... It should turn on or off? To turn off.

As if the candle went out. To turn off. It's so interesting. All right, we'll continue Tuesday, בעזרת השם.