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A weekly show for listeners to hear stories and conversations that allow us to explore subtle events and interesting social interactions too often ignored. These stories are meant to arouse the emotions of listeners towards self-improvement and consider how our behaviors impact others. There have been many moments in my life where I have wanted to share interesting stories that can be used by others to improve their own lives. With 22 years of educating youth and adults, I would like to share topics with you that will push against social norms and shift your mindset to consider alternative views. Sometimes, the best advice can be collected from the stories of others.
Back Seat Driver
Have you ever noticed while in a line of traffic, the driver in front of you continues to look in their rear-view mirror as if the action behind them is more important than what is in front? I find this to be extremely aggravating. “I’m like, what are you looking at? What is so important in my car, then what is important in front of yours.” This is not a judgment against those who do. Too many times, I had to stop suddenly because the driver in front was so focused on me that they failed to see the car stop in front of them. You’re putting other drivers and me in danger. Now whether I’m attractive or interesting, or whether they are attempting to predict my next move as a driver, is dangerous ground for both drivers and anyone around us.
Another scenario is how rearview drivers respond to motorcyclists. Here I am, driving down a major highway, and see a motorcyclist coming right behind me. I have seen too many people automatically break or try to block the passage of motorcyclists who are attempting to pass them by white lining between cars. I understand the thinking but am unsure if the motorist inside the car is aware of the danger they create for the motorcyclist. A human sandwich on a public road directly in front of you is a little different from seeing it in an action movie. Especially when you’re directly involved in it.
The common behavior here is looking back. Why are we looking back to move forward? How many of us are stuck on our past behaviors and the behaviors of others and allowing these experiences to stop or limit our ability to move forward? Stuck! Are you stuck? I know I was stuck at multiple moments in my life. Without a doubt, I can say from my personal experience I have overcome being stuck. Yes, experiences can give us an edge on how to move forward in the future, but sometimes they can tie us up and reduce our flexibility and ability to think without limits. It’s similar to the internet, which continuously studies your browsing history to create a profile that will shape your future experiences by the type of advertising, and answers you receive from your searches…many times narrowing the breadth and depth of the information received.
Those who don’t know history are doomed to repeat it,” by Edmund Burke. The thinking in this quote is that knowing my history is supposed to free me and allow for new experiences. But is this true? Then why are you looking back? Is this about control? How much can we control from behind us? What about those new experiences in front of us? What does it feel like to try to experience both? I’m guessing, a lot of accidents and a terrible driving record with exorbitant insurance premiums. Take that result and mirror that with your life experiences…probably a mess.
After rear-ending the car in front of me, the problem behind me no longer exists for the moment. Now, I have a new problem in front of me. A problem that requires my immediate attention and pull-on mental energy to secure available resources to allow me to move on to my final destination. Only in this moment of aggravation and blessing for walking away from a preventable accident am I present and looking forward. However, for how long before I’m back in the driver's seat of my rental car, looking behind me? How many relationships have you entered with so much baggage that you cannot see forward but wallow in the sadness and deplorable position you currently are sitting in?
What about those triggers that reactivated behaviors that were behind you because you received a new experience that looked like the old? Those with some life experience know that our mind plays tricks on us. There have been too many times that I thought I could predict someone’s move in front of me because of things like astrology, appearance, an action, or behavior that was a one-off and through their associations. They result in false accusations, unnecessary stress, pain, and a waste of time and energy. What’s so hard in taking things as they come? What about approaching experiences with new eyes? Is this possible, or are we tainted by our personal biases that invade us from intimate relationships, perceived successes or failures, mistakes or regrets, and events that were upsetting or disturbing? Are we able to stop looking at the rear-view mirror?
Behavioral solutions to consider:
1. Keep looking forward and use the rearview mirror when there’s a need to change lanes or avoid police detection while speeding. Just kidding. Use the rearview mirror as it was designed in the Department of Motor Vehicle manual.
Medical News suggests:
- Let it go! I know this sounds simple…but practice by examining why you need to control every moment you live in. What happens if you lose control? What strategies can you use to recover and repair? Is it removing yourself from the room for a moment or making a public statement that you aren’t ready to engage in a certain discussion?
- Do you know what triggers you? What can I do when I’m triggered that will add value to my mental and physical health? Are you going to retaliate and fight fire with fire, or will you investigate intention through an authentic and respectful conversation?
- Get in the practice of letting go. Start with the small things like stop reminding them to do it a certain way or offering a negative reaction to infrequent and innocent acts by another who has no idea what your triggers are. Breathe and use the exhale to let the friction go and push yourself to move through the original agenda until you know longer triggered.
- Despite what the triggers inspire in your spirit, challenge yourself to stay the course and receive the external stimulus with the best intentions. Shift your mindset to, “This could be good for me.”
- Seek counseling to vent, exhale, and strategies for resolving triggers and experiences that block you from seeing from a new set of eyes.