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What do you do when the bottom drops out and life breaks in ways you never imagined? Charlie and Jill LeBlanc have walked that road, and through their personal story of loss, they’ve discovered the sustaining power of God's presence. In this podcast, they offer heartfelt conversations, Scripture-based encouragement, and the kind of hope that only comes from experience. Whether you're grieving, struggling, or searching for peace in the middle of chaos, this space is for you.
Hi. Thanks for joining us today.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yes.
Jill LeBlanc:We're just, you know, we're Charlie and Jill. You know that.
Jill LeBlanc:Yes. And we're just so happy that you've come.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah, looking forward to another episode of our Finding Hope podcast, Getting Through What You Never Asked For, right? Yeah, so on this podcast we've been trying to really minister to you and touch people who have had losses and difficulties in their life and try to find things that we believe will help you from our experience of having loss in our life. In fact, today, not when you hear this, but when we're actually recording it, is actually the fortieth birthday of our son Beau, who passed away at this point sixteen years ago. So he would have been 40 today, which is really, really tender moment for us. It's a difficult time to remember his birthdays and of course the day he passed.
Charlie LeBlanc:So those who have lost loved ones, you understand these special days and how difficult they can be. We just went through Mother's Day and that's also a tough time for a lot of mothers have lost their mother or they've lost their child. So it's a tough time. And you know, when you've had a loss, you just live with these things, you learn to live with them. And, you know, as time moves on, it does get a little easier. You know.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc:It really does. It's still always there.
Jill LeBlanc:Right.
Charlie LeBlanc:But, you were mentioning before we started, Jill, about a good friend of ours who lost his son recently, and the anniversary of his passing is in two weeks.
Jill LeBlanc:Right, from the time of this recording.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah, this friend of ours is, we're very close with them and yeah, it was tragic. And they went through the pain less than a year ago now
Jill LeBlanc:Almost a year.
Charlie LeBlanc:It was just unbearable. We did our best to love on them and minister to them. But as the title of this particular episode is understanding grief. In fact, we've been talking about that all month and because that's so important.
Jill LeBlanc:It's so important. And not not everyone understands grief if they haven't had to walk through it or or if they haven't walked through it with someone that they're very close to.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right. But we didn't.
Jill LeBlanc:No. And, you know, we just thought that most people feel like grief is just sadness and crying after you experience a loss. But it's so much more than that, isn't it?
Charlie LeBlanc:It really is. And I was reading this morning about Paul when he said that had his his friend, I think it's Aphroditis. Said he was certainly sick and close to death, but God had mercy on him and not only on him, but also on me. So that I would not have sorrow upon sorrow. And that jumped out at me.
Charlie LeBlanc:I've read that scripture many times, of course. But that jumped out at me because that's one of the good definitions of grief. It's it's sorrow, but it's sorrow upon sorrow. It's sorrow multiplied. It's something deep in your soul that is breaking and it's and it's hurting.
Jill LeBlanc:And it just takes you out for a while. I remember getting to go be with a friend of ours who her sister had passed away. She, our our friend lives in The Philippines. She and her husband are ministers there. And, her friend her sister who lived here-
Charlie LeBlanc:Oh, I remember that.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. She was such a dear, dear woman. She had breast cancer that had spread and-
Charlie LeBlanc:Well, to bring it home when we were working on the book.
Jill LeBlanc:Right. Right.
Charlie LeBlanc:She helped us.
Jill LeBlanc:She did help us, and we mentioned her in the acknowledgments. But so our friend came over to support her sister during that time and and was with her when she passed.
Charlie LeBlanc:Mhmm.
Jill LeBlanc:And and so I went over to be with with her.
Charlie LeBlanc:And I was blessed that you did.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. And I was so happy I could.
Charlie LeBlanc:I'm so glad you did.
Jill LeBlanc:And it was really hard. But when she went back to The Philippines to continue ministering after all the dust had settled and she settled as much of the, you know, the estate affairs.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:All of that. She went back, and she was in such a funk for weeks.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:And and she she wrote me we do a lot of texting on WhatsApp and voice texts and things. And and she said, I just I don't know what's wrong with me. I I can't you know? And then she had jet lag to deal with on top of that. But my sleeping is so messed up besides the jet lag, and I can't stop crying. And I find myself just in a fog. And and, really, a funk is a good way to describe grief because it's not just something you experience for a little while and then it's over depending on the relationship you had with the person that passed.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:But it's just something that's with you for quite a while normally.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:And and it's just hard to navigate.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:And so we're trying to explain how how you can understand what grief is like for the person walking through it if you haven't experienced it yourself.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:But if you are in that season, just letting you know that you're not crazy, that that you're not losing it. It's normal what you're going through. It's I mean, we hate to say that because we don't like to succumb to, you know, just natural things if if we're used to just taking authority and, you know, taking control, you know, and all that.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:But it's- you get into a funk.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:And we were in a funk for a long time.
Charlie LeBlanc:We were. We were. And and that's something that we talk about on this broadcast a lot and and we need to continue to address it is that as as spirit filled Christians, people that love Jesus, people that, you know, like we were, you know, went to Bible college, we've been in full time ministry for a long time. You know, we were people that love Jesus with all of our heart. And we had been through other trials in our life that didn't seem to move us very much a little bit, a few things that were tough, tougher than others.
Charlie LeBlanc:But when this hit us, it was unbelievable. It was something that we never experienced before. Uh-oh, here I go again. I'm starting to tear up, but was something that we had never dreamed could be so hard.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc:It was just really, and that's the thing that we try to communicate, understanding grief. We're wanting you to understand so that you can be a better comforter, so that you can be a better friend to, you know, it all depends on who's listening to this, of course. Well. But if you're listening to this and you haven't had loss, so that you can be a better friend someone, so you can begin to understand grief. And if you have lost someone, we understand and you understand grief, but like Jill said, we're just trying to help you to see that you're not crazy. This is something that even Godly people, strong Christians experience.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. Yeah. We have a friend who was a hospice chaplain.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:She and her husband were pastoring together, and they've been in ministry for ages and just been with a lot of people through a lot of seasons of life and done had, you know, walked through losing loved ones in their church or and all that for years. And she she became a a hospice chaplain just to as another way to minister.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:So after we lost Beau, I remember she and her husband came to the funeral. Do you remember that?
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. They're very sweet.
Jill LeBlanc:They were very, very sweet and gracious.
Charlie LeBlanc:And she had that hospice background.
Jill LeBlanc:Right. She'd been working with hospice for a while. So they've been with a lot of people in that season of life, you know, walking through losing a loved one and and, you know, the aftermath and all that. And it was interesting. And and she was very dear.
Jill LeBlanc:She would send condolence cards every every couple months, which was a very sweet thing to do, and I and that's a little tip. If if someone that you know and love that you're very close to loses a close loved one of theirs, you know, that's another way you can reach out to them ongoing because there's a lot of usually, lot of people there in the beginning.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:But as as the weeks go on, it it every everyone else's life goes back to normal.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:But yours is not normal anymore.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:And that's that's just a little way that that you can reach out to your your friend, especially if you don't live in the same city, you don't get to see each other. But, anyway, she would send us cards and they were very sweet.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. Let me and let me just say one more word about that because, and I don't want you to, I want you to finish the story.
Charlie LeBlanc:You know, like Jill was saying, send a card or send something to the family as they're grieving. And we could talk about this for a long time and maybe we'll get into it on the next episode. But a Facebook message is okay depending on what relationship you have with the person. But if you're close to them, you need to do more than a Facebook message. Personally, I'm not one who's on Facebook a lot.
Charlie LeBlanc:And so, when I do get on, all of a sudden I discover, oh my gosh, someone just died, or someone's having a big important birthday, and I'm like, gosh, I would've never known had they not told me. So I'm not downing Facebook, Instagram and all these communication devices, but when someone's broken and hurting, you need to do a little more than a Facebook message, okay? They appreciate it, trust me, I appreciate it. I posted something today about Bo being 40 years old and I do appreciate people saying, boy I remember Bo, he was sweet, I'm thinking about you today. But I also received a text from a friend who was actually overseas at the time and he actually saw the Facebook post, but he text me.
Charlie LeBlanc:And he said, Charlie, I've been thinking about you knowing this day was coming up, and when I saw the Facebook post, you beat me to it, I was gonna text you anyway. So he texted me. So anyway, that's just a little plug for being more personable about these kinds of deep, painful things. It's tough. It's tough.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah, And it's so important.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. And as I'm saying that, I'm thinking about a person right now who lost his wife recently and I'm thinking I need to figure out I don't even know if I have his phone number. We weren't super close.
Jill LeBlanc:We can get it.
Charlie LeBlanc:But I know his son really well so I wanna text him, you know, and love on him.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc:A text is a higher level than a Facebook post, and then one step higher, call him, or be there, you know. So it goes on and on, so hopefully we'll talk more. But back to your story, I apologize.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. So over the months that we would see our friends at different events and things, she was baffled by my reaction to her maybe saying, well, thank God, you know, I was in heaven and and he's not suffering anymore.
Charlie LeBlanc:She'd be baffled by your response to that?
Jill LeBlanc:To that, yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc:Because you wouldn't go like, oh, praise the lord.
Jill LeBlanc:No.
Charlie LeBlanc:You would just be kinda look at her like, "That's not helping."
Jill LeBlanc:No. I would. I and I remember saying one time to her, I said, you you don't understand. And we were close enough that I could say this. Say that.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. I say, you you don't understand what it's like.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:And and so, you know, she she just kinda looked at me like, what do you mean? Of course, I understand. I'm a hospice chaplain. She didn't say any of that, but that was kind of her look. Well, tragically, her son died several months later in a tragic accident. And so, you know, about a year and a half after Beau. And I remember her writing or texting me or or emailing or something, or maybe she sent a card because we reached out to them a lot.
Charlie LeBlanc:We went we went to their church. Yeah. Yeah. She came to me later and said, I thought I understood what grief was until I had to walk through it myself.
Charlie LeBlanc:Mhmm.
Jill LeBlanc:And I realized even as a hospice chaplain, I didn't really understand what it was like firsthand.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah, that's amazing.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. And that just goes to show that most people don't really understand. And so this is part of what we're trying to do is just bring awareness to this season of life that is common to so many people. Now not everyone goes walks through it the same way.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:You know.
Charlie LeBlanc:A lot depends on their relationship and, know, with the person.
Jill LeBlanc:Right.
Charlie LeBlanc:And just, you know, where they're, what kind of person they are, if they're super sensitive, tender person, it can hurt more, you can feel it more. David, the great man of God, King David was a very, you know, sensitive person. He expressed his love for Jesus, his tenderness for Jesus, his love and devotion was so beautiful. And yet, you know, we see him losing a child and mourning desperately for him. And so, you know, we we see people are made up differently.
Jill LeBlanc:Mhmm.
Charlie LeBlanc:And so they do react a little different. I did speak with we were speaking with a girl the other day who said that her husband just lost their dad. It was and he was young and and and she said he was he's a non emotional kinda guy. He doesn't he-
Jill LeBlanc:The husband.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. The husband doesn't show much emotion. He said, she he's a loving great husband, but but he's he's not very emotional. He said, but when his dad died, since his dad has died, he said he is showing so much more emotion because it's gripped his heart. A place in his heart that had never been touched before. And that's what grief does. That's what loss does. It touches you in a place that hasn't been touched before.
Jill LeBlanc:Right.
Charlie LeBlanc:And all of sudden you're like, wow. What is this? You know, what is this pain that I'm feeling? What is what is this, you know, this know, Jesus said he came to to heal broken hearts. And and, you know, we talk about broken hearted people, but until you're broken hearted, you don't really understand it, you know.
Jill LeBlanc:Mhmm. That's so true.
Charlie LeBlanc:And and I get that, you know.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. And and it comes in layers. You know, you don't experience everything at once.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:You experience a lot at once.
Jill LeBlanc:But but just as you go through life then, different situations will bring you different reminders.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:Just experiences.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:I remember, oh gosh, during, before Beau passed, during the journey when we were believing God for him to be healed, I I had a I think it was a dream or also vision that was just so crystal clear. But, it was a it was a few years later, and he and I were in the kitchen, and I was at the stove, and he's across the island just sitting chatting with me, and he's got a little girl on his lap. And she's like, two and a half or three, and she's got little ash colored pigtails and bangs, you know, like his color hair. And it was, to me, it was his daughter.
Jill LeBlanc:And I remember the time that the realization hit me. And this was this was weeks after, maybe maybe not weeks, maybe just several days after, just it was just the first time I thought of it that I will never know his children. And, no, man, that hit a tender spot in my heart.
Charlie LeBlanc:My god.
Jill LeBlanc:I just sobbed and sobbed.
Charlie LeBlanc:Sure.
Jill LeBlanc:You know, and so in walking through grief, it's just different at different times. And this is why we have to be so patient and caring for people that are walking that-
Charlie LeBlanc:That's so true.
Jill LeBlanc:-because they've not been there before.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:And you just never know what is going to prod a special place that a place that they haven't crossed yet.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. Yeah. It's so true. And we know so many who have had devastating losses in the last sixteen years. And it's been sixteen years for that we lost our son.
Charlie LeBlanc:But I mean, we could just we we have a list too long of friends, of friends, children, of husbands, wives that have passed prematurely and we've tried our best to walk with them through their grief journeys and it's always so hard. And different people need different things at different times, like you said. I'm just thinking through some of them, know, one girl, and we've mentioned this before, one friend of ours lost her husband and she felt very guilty that she was still in tears and still grieving nine months later.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah, I mean, it took us years, honestly years before we felt a little more normal. Let's put it that way, there's no such thing as normal once you've had a loss like we have and like maybe some of you have. They use the term new normal.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. Which makes some sense because you do kind of normalize but it's a whole different normalization. I know for us, people said, want the old Charlie and Jill back, you know. Well, that Charlie and Jill is gone. I mean, we are new people. This kind of pain goes through you and changes you. And I believe changes you for the better in the long run because once you have a broken heart like we do, then all of a sudden you feel other people easier. Feel other broken hearts easier.
Jill LeBlanc:Oh you do.
Charlie LeBlanc:And that's where the biggest change for us has been. I mean, we've always been very compassionate to hurting people and you especially, Jill, have been, you've always really reached out to hurting people. Since we lost Beau, it's a whole another level.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah, for sure.
Charlie LeBlanc:A whole another level of just, you know, how can we help someone and really that help is just, it is confusing and it is hard to know. We recently got a call from someone who's friend died, whose friend's daughter died actually.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. Oh, suddenly.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:She, 26 year old daughter just had blood clot and she was gone so fast.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:And our friends were like, help us.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:Help us know what to say, what to, what we do. Should we call them? Should we send them your book? Should what should we do?
Charlie LeBlanc:Right. You really need to pray about these things because-
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc:-like we're saying everyone is different, everyone experiences grief different and what will help them will not always help someone else. You really need to pray and ask God how you can minister to them but, I would say do something lest you do nothing.
Jill LeBlanc:Yes, for sure.
Charlie LeBlanc:You know, if it's a text, if it's a phone call, if it's something in the mail, sending them some food from Costco or whatever. Anything, just sending them some love, letting them know that they're not walking alone in this, in this journey, you know.
Charlie LeBlanc:I found a quote I can read if you like, it's in our book. And it said, it says this and I may not say all the words correctly, it says, grief doesn't come and go in an orderly, confined timeframe. I should let you read it because you're a better reader than I am. Just when we think the pains of anguish have stolen their last breath, we think it's over, another wave sweeps in and we are forced to revisit the memories, the pain, and the fear. Sometimes we try to resist the demands of grieving.
Charlie LeBlanc:We long to avoid this fierce yet holy pilgrimage. We fight against the currents, terrified of being overwhelmed, of being discovered, of becoming lost in our brokenness, which we've experienced all this. The fear of being discovered that you're this broken, being terrified of being overwhelmed by this and not being able to come out, how am I gonna get through this? As I mentioned in the last podcast, I went to my doctor and said, help, you you gotta help me. And he said, Charlie, what you're going through is normal.
Charlie LeBlanc:And then it says, of becoming lost in their brokenness. Or can we experience that or relate to that? And then this person says, Yet grief, as painful a season as it is, is a necessary part of our healing.
Jill LeBlanc:It's so true.
Charlie LeBlanc:It really is. I mean it-
Jill LeBlanc:If you suppress the grief, oh, man. It's it's kinda like, you know how it is when you shake up a bottle of of carbonated whatever, and and you've got the top on, you know, and and so that all that pressure is built up in there. And and if you I mean, that's not a very good analogy. But if you take the top off after you shake in it...
Charlie LeBlanc:It'll explode. Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:And and grief is similar. That's that's not a great example. But if you-
Charlie LeBlanc:you let it out a little at a time, it's it's okay.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc:You know?
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc:But don't hold it in.
Jill LeBlanc:Oh my gosh. It'll yeah. Yeah. It it'll come back to bite you if you don't give place to it.
Charlie LeBlanc:That's right. In fact, it says here, and I'll reread that last sentence, yet grief is painful a season as it is necessary part of our healing. To run from grief is to run from the very thing that can quell the pain of our loss. Right. If we come to God and use Bible verses and prayer for healing, our grief has a purpose. Grieving is the process God uses to bring us to a place of wholeness.
Jill LeBlanc:That's so true.
Charlie LeBlanc:It's very interesting and here's the thing, know, the Bible says we don't grieve as unbelievers who have no hope. And we talk about this a lot and we talk about it in other episodes but it's an important thing to address. Yeah. Because Paul the Apostle says we don't grieve like those who have no hope. Well, we have hope it doesn't say you don't grieve, just says you grieve like this little statement just said. Grieving is a process God uses to bring us to a place of holiness. It's okay to grieve, but grieve, I like to say, grieve in the arms of Jesus. Grieve with God in prayer. Grieve like David did, he lamented, he wept. But it was with God, it was in the presence of the Lord.
Charlie LeBlanc:And you know, we did the same thing, we eventually got to a place where we could really just pour out our hearts before God and pour out our pain before God and he would just hold us and help us and comfort us in our painful grieving process. But we're not to avoid this season, that's what we're trying to encourage you, is that you're not to avoid this grieving. I mean, can't avoid it really, but you can suppress it. Can try to suppress it and you can try to think it's evil. I don't think it is evil.
Charlie LeBlanc:I mean, we've got people that say, oh, grievance of spirit. It's a bad spirit. No, it's not. Great men of God grieved in scripture. In fact, I'm just gonna read a few just to solidify that.
Charlie LeBlanc:David, I mentioned to him earlier, the king, the mighty warrior and psalmist lifted his voice and weeping at the grave of Abner. And Abner was king Saul's, commander in chief. So this was not even a son, but he wept and he did weep over his other sons that passed. But David's a great mighty warrior, we said he has a sensitive heart, has a sweetheart, but he wept bitterly. So great men of God, godly people, you can grieve even as a Christian.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc:And knowing and loving Jesus and you you don't have to grieve away from him, you can grieve with him. And then of course over when David's mighty men and Ziglag, all their wives and children were stolen, it said David and his mighty men wept aloud until they had no more strength left to weep. So that's another example of a great men and women of God weeping, you know, until they could weep no more. And so, crying, weeping is absolutely normal for a Christian who loves Jesus when you've lost someone that you dearly loved and it came as a shock, came as unexpected, whatever it might be, it's normal.
Charlie LeBlanc:Abraham warmed and wept for his wife Sarah when she died, at whatever 100 years old they were. Joseph fell on his father's face and wept for his father Jacob, you know, when he died. So these are normal responses, don't feel like oh I can't, I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna grieve, I'm not, because I'm a Christian, know, and God is my strength and yes he is.
Jill LeBlanc:I'm not weak, you know.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:Some people think weak, it's a sign of weakness.
Charlie LeBlanc:Right. Yeah. In reality, you know, the Bible said when we're weak then we are strong. You know, Jesus spoke to Paul and he said, you know, My power is made great in your weakness. My strength is made perfect in your weakness.
Charlie LeBlanc:So, is not a sign of weakness.
Jill LeBlanc:Right.
Charlie LeBlanc:It's a sign of strength. I believe to embrace this season in your life, and we all must embrace it. Let's not fight it, it's not evil.
Charlie LeBlanc:You can embrace it with Jesus, with the word of God like we read earlier, with scripture, and God will help you, and I believe you'll heal in a real healthy way. And by the grace of God, sixteen years later for Jill and I, I believe we've healed in good way. It's not easy and we still have struggles in our days. But tonight we're going out to dinner with our two daughters on Beau's fortieth birthday. And you know, we'll probably talk and laugh.
Charlie LeBlanc:We'll have moments of laughter and and joking and remembering Beau, remembering how funny and fun and silly he was. So it's funny, you can laugh and you can cry at the same time sometimes when you're when you're grieving. But, you know, our two daughters have been through a lot and they lost their dearest brother, they loved him with an incredible unfailing love. So, I just know that you've probably experienced things like this as we have. And we just want you to know that we support you, we love you, and we pray that you will get through this difficult time and and come through it in a healthy, powerful manner.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. I wanted to just read a little text we received this morning from from some very dear friends. And he said, hi, guys. As today is Beau's birthday, I wanted to remind you, we never ever forget him and do keep you in our prayers. I can see him playing the drums and keeping everyone in great humor and laughter in heaven. We do still miss him. We love you with all of our hearts.
Charlie LeBlanc:Aww.
Jill LeBlanc:And I see who that is. I do miss him. I just that means so much to hear for for for your bereaved friends to hear from you on days like this, on an anniversary of their passing or a birthday, some kind of special day, a Father's Day, whatever.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:And and to talk about them.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:I mean, that that means a lot to us. Now, some people that maybe haven't grieved healthy, maybe it wouldn't so much.
Charlie LeBlanc:Well, listen, we're gonna pick this up again on the next episode. And, we just want you to know that we stand with you, we pray with you, and, thank you for joining us on this episode, and, press the like buttons or whatever, we'll get back with you.
Jill LeBlanc:Share it around.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. We'll get back with you on the next episode. So God bless you, and we'll talk to you soon.