36 Emergency

EMERGENCY!

When the call comes in, the "iAction! The Emergency App" team—Steve, Joan, and Fiona—bolt out of headquarters and jump into action! Their mission: rush to Emerald Cove to find a woman in labor.

The journey quickly devolves into an absurd, non-stop sprint where the team's professional training clashes with unexpected reality. From a cab ride that’s all screeching tires and frantic checklist recitation, to a confusing encounter with a hermit (Louis) meditating on Taoist philosophy in a cave, and finally, a bewildering encounter with a "soccer-mom type" (Linda) lecturing on Stoicism from a lifeguard chair.

Follow this fast-paced, command-driven audio experience as this team of highly-motivated, under-equipped, and completely ineffective first responders desperately tries to find someone they can actually bill. The style is high-energy, high-tension, and completely ridiculous, exploring what happens when corporate hustle meets life's biggest questions.

🏃 Major Themes

• The Absurdity of Corporate Hustle and Gig Economy: The EMT-like team (Steve, Joan, and Fiona) are motivated by an "Emergency App" and are clearly employees of a company, judging by their boss, Doug, and his obsession with what is "billable" and avoiding things that don't make money, like the homeless.
• The Contrast Between Theory and Reality: The team constantly shouts their professional maxims ("Stick to the basics, the fundamentals!" , "Be prepared!" , "Take action!" ) even when completely inappropriate, highlighting their inability to adapt to real-world situations like a philosophical hermit or a soapbox orator.
• The Search for Meaning/The Ineffectiveness of Action: The core plot is a futile race against time—they are too late for the actual emergency. Instead, they stumble upon two figures (Louis the hermit and Linda the speaker) discussing deep philosophical questions (Taoism, Stoicism, the nature of illusion ), causing one team member (Fiona) to pause and question her purpose.
• The Nature of Emergency/Crisis: The script subverts the typical emergency scenario. The real emergency—a woman in labor—is missed , and the "emergency" they find is philosophical contemplation and social commentary, which their boss, Doug, dismisses because "you can't fix crazy" and it can't be billed.

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Scripts Aloud

EMERGENCY!
Written by
Rick Regan
10/11/2023

EXT. BUSY URBAN STREET - DAY
Urban canyon of big buildings, people on the sidewalk and
traffic in the street. Three figures burst out of the front
of one of the buildings. They are dressed like off-duty EMTs
or ambulance staff, with polo shirts, ‘tactical’ shorts and
sturdy, action oriented shoes. There are two women and one
man. They are all in their early 20s, fit and attractive.
STEVE
Quick! This way!
JOAN
We have to stay together!
FIONA
We don’t have any of the gear!
We’ll never make it!
Steve jumps out into the street and hails a cab. The door
flies open.
STEVE
Get in!
JOAN
Hurry!
They get in, closing the door.
CABBIE
Where to?
JOAN
The Beach!
STEVE
And step on it!
CABBIE
The beach? Which beach? And what’s
the hurry?
FIONA
Emerald Cove! There is a woman who
is having a baby! Go! Go!
The cab peels out, tires squealing, careening through
traffic.
STEVE
(in the back of the cab)
Check your check-lists!
JOAN
Be prepared!
FIONA
I don’t like this! We don’t have
any equipment!
STEVE
Stick to the basics, the
fundamentals!
The cab pulls up to a beach access point, where a sign reads
“Welcome to Emerald Cove”. They pile out of the car.
JOAN
Come on!
They run down the walkway to the beach.
FIONA
I don’t see anybody.
JOAN
Stay calm!
STEVE
We have to stick together!
JOAN
Spread out! We need to comb the
beach. She could be anywhere!
FIONA
This doesn’t make any sense. Where
are all the people?
STEVE
Look! Up there!
Steve points to a hillside above the beach. There is a dark
opening for a cave, about halfway up the hill.
JOAN
They must have taken her there.
Let’s go!
STEVE
Hurry!
FIONA
A cave?! I’m freaking out right
now!
They run down the beach toward the hill. They reach the
bottom of the hill, with a twisty, sandy pathway leading up
to the cave.
STEVE
Follow me!
JOAN
Go! Go!
They run up to the cave and peek in. The cave is dark and
damp. A simple candle is lit near a back wall.
JOAN (CONT’D)
Come on!
FIONA
It’s so dark! This doesn’t seem
right!
They step forward and see a man sitting cross-legged, on a
cushion in the half-light. He is Louis, a hermit, meditating
in the dark.
STEVE
Hey! Buddy! Where’s the woman? The
baby?!
The man sits quietly, eyes closed.
JOAN
We’ve got to help him! He could be
dying!
STEVE
Wait! Stand back! There might not
be enough oxygen in here for all of
us.
JOAN
We can’t all risk it! Back up!
They stand still, back from the hermit.
FIONA
Sir? Sir? Are you alright?
She slowly steps closer to the motionless man. In the
candlelight she sees that he is not really that much older
than the three of them. The man slowly opens his eyes and
looks at them.
LOUIS
(speaking slowly, clearly)
The Man of the Tao does not concern
himself with the matters of the
day, but rather meditates on the
questions of the universe.
The three all stare at him.
STEVE
We’ve got to get him out of here!
JOAN
He’s delirious! Hallucinations!
FIONA
Wait! Wait.
They all stand still in the dim light in the cave.
LOUIS
The Yin and the Yang require the
light and the dark, day and night,
to oppose and complete each other.
But for the blind man, day and
night are the same. And who is to
decide between dreaming and waking?
They stare at him for a while.
FIONA
Sir, are you alone here? Have you
seen a woman going into labor?
LOUIS
At the birth of the universe, we
all went from one-to-many, so we
are never truly alone.
STEVE
We’ve got to keep moving!
JOAN
Stay calm!
STEVE
It’s going to be alright!
JOAN
Everything is going to be OK, if we
stick together!
LOUIS
The Man of the Tao does not worship
in a temple because the holy world
is everywhere, all around us.
FIONA
Are you a guru? Or a yogi?
LOUIS
To become a serious thinker, we
have to meditate to see reality -
as it really is. And yet it is
still only an illusion.
FIONA
But what if we question the
illusion?
LOUIS
To question the illusion is to
begin on the path toward
enlightenment. It is the first
step.
FIONA
Why are you here, sitting in this
cave?
LOUIS
The Man of the Tao should remain
humble in the face of riches, but
does not celebrate poverty. When we
can relinquish our possessions,
then the ego can conquer our
desires.
FIONA
So, you sit in here, and meditate?
LOUIS
Only when the monkey brain is
quiet, almost asleep, do we find
peace in the Tao, yin and yang. The
place between light and dark, yet
both light and dark.
STEVE
We’ve got to keep moving! Let’s go!
JOAN
We have to stick together!
FIONA
I’m not going. You go.
STEVE
We’re a team! We stay together as a
team!
JOAN
Leave him! We can’t help him!
FIONA
No! No, no, no! I have so many
questions!
STEVE
Hurry!
FIONA
Master, what do you seek, with your
searching?
LOUIS
I seek the answer to the question
we all have, about the meaning and
purpose of our suffering, of our
lives.
FIONA
Why is the universe an illusion?
LOUIS
The universe is not an illusion. It
is reality. Our perception is the
illusion. We think we know what we
are seeing, measuring. But we are
like blind ants carrying a blade of
grass, in a meadow, on a hillside,
below a mountain, under the sky
filled with clouds. We know
nothing.
FIONA
OK. You got me with that one.
JOAN
Come on!
FIONA
Sir, it was a pleasure speaking
with you. We have to go now, to
find a woman who is going into
labor.
LOUIS
The labor is just beginning.
FIONA
True enough.
Fiona steps back to the pair.
Steve is looking out of the cave, down to the beach.
STEVE
Look! An ambulance!
JOAN
They must be looking for her.
FIONA
(peering)
Are they loading somebody in? That
must be her.
STEVE
We’ve got to keep moving!
JOAN
We’ll never make it!
STEVE
Let’s go!
They go rushing down the path, back to the beach.
JOAN
The ambulance!
They stare at the ambulance driving away. The beach is mostly
empty but for a tall lifeguard chair. There is a small group
of young people gathered around it.
STEVE
This way! Hurry!
The group runs to the people around the chair.
Sitting in the chair is a woman, speaking to the group. She
is not a lifeguard but a middle-aged woman, Linda. Typical
soccer-mom type.
FIONA
What’s she saying?
STEVE
(softly, to the others)
It’s going to be OK!
JOAN
Stay calm!
LINDA
(from the chair)
Here we are in the earthly
paradise. California.
The crowd murmurs.
LINDA (CONT’D)
And yet, we have ‘homeless
encampments’. We used to call
people like that ‘bums’. We called
it ‘skid row’. Now we have to play
nice and tiptoe around the fact
that these people are living off of
our generosity - but making our
lives hell.
JOAN
What’s she talking about?
FIONA
She seems to hate homeless people.
JOAN
Oh.
LINDA
(to the crowd)
The Ancient Greeks had a philosophy
called Stoicism. It emphasizes the
virtues of courage, self-discipline
and justice. In Roman times, the
Emperor Marcus Aurelius modelled
Stoicism for his people by saying
the we should not only accept the
things we cannot change but also to
change the things we can change.
Control our thoughts. Take the
action to change our world.
JOAN
(to the speaker)
But why do they do it? Why don’t
they change themselves?
STEVE
Take action!
LINDA
You control your own behavior. Yet
you cannot control my behavior. Why
would I be able to change the
behavior of a homeless man, a bum?
But should we just accept it?
Or do we organize and change our
world, for the better?
JOAN
But how?
LINDA
Well, look at yourselves.
Individually, what changes can you
make? What problems can you solve?
But as a group, you can make bigger
changes, solve bigger problems.
FIONA
Who are you?
LINDA
I am a simple person, taking a walk
on the beach. Who are you, a
superhero?
JOAN
We’re a team. We solve problems.
STEVE
Take action!
FIONA
(to her group)
I think she’s a homeless person.
Let’s get out of here.
JOAN
Let’s get back to headquarters!
STEVE
Follow me!
JOAN
Stay calm!
The group runs back toward the street.
Back at ‘headquarters’, the group takes an elevator to the
fourth floor. The emerge in the lobby of an office space,
with the sign saying, “iAction! The Emergency App”
A middle-aged man, Doug, is walking by, carrying a cup of
coffee.
DOUG
Oh! You guys. You’re back.
STEVE
Yeah. Just came in from the cold.
DOUG
It’s supposed to get up to seventyfive today. Anyway, how did you
make out with the baby? All good?
JOAN
We were too late. An ambulance got
her.
DOUG
Oh.
STEVE
We took a cab. It cost ten bucks,
but we were late.
DOUG
You get a receipt for that?
STEVE
It all happened so fast.
DOUG
I see.
FIONA
But we found a man meditating in a
cave.
DOUG
Is that billable? Did you rescue
him?
JOAN
He didn’t want to be rescued.
DOUG
Uh-huh. I see.
JOAN
Then we saw a woman preaching from
a lifeguard chair.
DOUG
Ohhhh! Interesting! Did she need
any help? Anything we can get paid
for?
FIONA
No. She was mad about there being
homeless encampments.
DOUG
I am too. They don’t have any money
so we can’t charge them, even if we
could help them. But you can’t fix
crazy.
STEVE
We struck out.
DOUG
I see that. Guys, I’m noticing a
pattern here. Do you see it? I send
you out to rescue people and you
just run around - not rescuing
people. On my dime!
STEVE
I’m sorry, boss!
DOUG
So get out there and rescue some
people! People we can bill!
STEVE
This way guys!
JOAN
Follow me!
They run to the elevator.
FIONA
We’ve got to stick together!
JOAN
It’s going to be OK!
STEVE
Just stay calm!
DING! The elevator opens. They scramble back in.
The elevator closes and goes down.
END