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- "What do you return to when things feel difficult?"
- "Where could mindfulness be made smaller and more livable for you?"
- "Where am I practicing rather than performing?"
- "What does grounded confidence look like for me right now, in this moment?"
A weekly interview podcast hosted by Melissa Hague features Courageous Coaches who explore the grit and bones of what it takes to be truly courageous. Whether you're a coach, consultant, or a leader, join us each week to explore what it really takes to be transformational in your coaching practice, your business, and your life.
Welcome to episode 33 of the Courageous Coach Podcast.
I'm your host, Melissa Haig, um and this is our final episode for this season.
So this is gonna be a solo episode, just me.
And I like to think of this as, what I'm hoping for this episode is that it's gonna be a
reflective closing, not a high energy finale.
But I feel like this season has been a slower and deeper exploration of something that is
absolutely at the heart of courageous coaching.
And that is grounded confidence.
This season has really been about coming back to our ground rather than reaching for
something new.
Ahem.
I said, I have to come back or I have to start with grounded confidence.
What is it?
And can't talk about grounded confidence without leaning into Brene Brown's definition of
grounded confidence.
And I really love how she talks about grounded confidence as not arrogance or posturing,
but a kind of confidence that is
built on self-awareness and courage and practice.
So it's not about getting it right all of the time.
It's not about knowing or having all of the answers.
Sometimes it's about learning and unlearning, practicing, allowing failure, and ultimately
the kind of quiet joy of mastery.
And one of the things that I notice as I develop my own grounded confidence through these
conversations and through the work that I do with courageous coaches and of course my own
self-development journey is I've really noticed a shift in how confidence feels in my
body.
Whenever I find myself in a space where I am being a courageous coach, I'm stepping into
my courage, I'm having conversations with other courageous coaches who are doing their own
work and their own courage building, I just notice for me there's a real flow and a sense
of ease and a sense that whilst it might not be perfect,
just like this episode might not be perfect.
It still feels like I'm in the right place, feeling the right things.
and just embracing kind of all of that journey.
So I want to talk a little bit about some of the episodes that have really impacted on me
in this season.
Just kind of reflect on some of the things that have come out for me in my own learning.
And maybe also offer you some reflective questions as well as we go along.
And the episodes in this series were never meant to be standalone episodes.
They really were about kind of weaving together.
And what happened really naturally is I felt like each episode really built on the one
that came before.
And that really gave me that sense of really starting to deepen and share my understanding
of grounded confidence with my guests and also with you, the audience.
But there are things that really kept repeating over all of the conversations I've had
this season.
And the things that I really noticed were practice over performance, returning rather than
pushing, returning to ourselves rather than pushing for more, and staying human in
uncertainty.
And there's a lot of uncertainty in the world right now.
And I think there's always been an element of uncertainty in the work that we do as
coaches.
So I want to talk first of all about the values episode with Jane Gillum.
was such a beautiful conversation because Jane really kind of models and practices this
showing up as who you are, but also where you are.
And she shared, you know, really go personal insight into the journey that she's been on
with grief and how values have played a part.
in that journey.
And the insight for me is that I think values, values often matter most when we are
struggling or we're uncertain.
No values steady us.
and they hold us when life gets difficult and they can guide us back to who we choose to
be.
Think about values as anchors, not ideals.
Values helping us to choose how we want to move forward.
And Susan David talks about walking our why.
that phrase walking our why and as we walk our why our values are directions not
directives.
Pellies really support us to make courageous choices without certainty.
And so I think a really important reflective question for us all is around what do you
return to when things feel difficult?
When times are hard, when you're struggling.
What do you return to?
And I think if we know what our values are and we practice them, not just profess them, so
we know what they look like, we know how they feel for us to be in line with our values,
then they can really act as that anchor point for us when we struggle.
And I had this wonderful conversation with Donna Ward Higgs, who has been a podcast guest
on every season.
And the reason for that, I think, is that I have discovered in Donna a kindred spirit, I
guess.
And what that brings, I feel, is a flow in our conversation.
We kind of bounce off each other.
We make each other better.
And that's such a glorious thing to have.
Of course, it also makes, I think, for a great podcast conversation.
So Donna came back for this season three.
to explore emotional agility.
And it was a really interesting episode because it wasn't what I expected it to be.
It wasn't kind of the ideal episode that I had in my head.
I'd not long returned from my emotional agility program with Susan David.
And I was still very, very much integrating my own
experience of that learning, the whole of that experience.
And so my conversation with Donna was really about an exploration of emotional agility,
but not in theory, in practical terms, how it had shown up for me in that experience.
And I think emotional agility is ongoing, really deep learning.
I absolutely know that you can't just go on a three, four day program and I now have the
skill of emotional agility.
It is way more than that.
And what I'm noticing as I kind of continue to think about emotional agility in my own
work and in my own life as well.
There's a real joy in the learning, but I'm also discovering lots of my edges.
And I'm really curious about how joy and those edges are kind of existing together.
And of course I know in my bones that emotional agility is an incredibly important
capacity for coaches.
And perhaps more importantly, for those of us who want to be more courageous in our
practice and also in our business, and do you know what, in our lives as well.
And I think where that work or the work of emotional agility has and continues to stretch
me is in the concept of hooked that Susan David talks about.
When we get hooked by our stories, the things that we tell ourselves, those statements
that begin with I am, I am a perfectionist, I am not good at and dot dot dot.
And it's so easy to get hooked into those stories and for all of the familiar and
difficult emotions that come along with those stories to show up.
And there's something for me about really slowing down enough to notice the stories, to
notice when I'm hooked, when I'm behaving from a place of habit.
and really starting to open up that space between stimulus and response.
I mean, I would like to think that even before doing the program with Susan that the space
between stimulus and response, I, you know, I was already, I think, pretty skilled in
opening up that space, that pause.
But there's a whole other layer of learning for me.
around what really can help us and support us in opening up that space.
So the work continues to stretch me.
And, you know, I'm really keen and excited to share how emotional agility is shaping me as
a courageous coach, but also shaping the way that I think about courageous coaching and
what I want to bring to the world and other courageous coaches.
And I have to mention the mindfulness episode with Emily Young, because again, it was such
a beautiful episode.
I was so struck by Emily's passion for mindfulness, really, you know, excited, passionate
about the potential of mindfulness for really transforming people and their lives.
And this lovely realization that I had during the episode that mindfulness doesn't have to
be big and formal and I'm going to set aside an hour every day and I'm going to do some
mindfulness practice.
Of course, that might be what it looks like for you.
But I know for me that feels overwhelming and finding an hour where I can just be mindful.
can be challenging sometimes.
So I really loved Emily's idea of building mindfulness into everyday moments, normal
everyday moments, know, boiling the kettle, making a cup of tea.
I think she even talked about sitting on the loo.
Those natural pauses that just happen in our day.
and using those everyday moments to practice mindfulness simply, whether that's, you know,
being aware of your feet on the ground or doing some breathing techniques.
And, I'm really struck by how when we are able to build these skills in ordinary everyday
moments, that
supports us when things feel harder because that muscle is stronger.
The habit stacking that Emily talks about, it's there.
And we can lean into it when things get harder or things are difficult for us, rather than
suddenly thinking, gosh, you know, I'm feeling stressed or overwhelmed or anxious.
I better do some mindfulness, you know, the muscle is there.
It's been developed in those ordinary everyday moments.
So guess my offer for you is, you know, where could mindfulness be made smaller and more
livable for you?
might, what possibilities might that open up for your own mindfulness practice?
Because I think when it comes to opening up that space between stimulus and response,
mindfulness is an essential skill for that.
And really building on values and emotional agility and mindfulness.
Of course, there was the episode on embodiment with Glyn.
And what I really appreciated about Glyn as a guest is he was really clear with me both
before the episode and during the episode, I am not the expert, right?
I'm not, not a, I think he may have even said I'm not an embodiment guru.
And I so connect with that kind of just needing to be really clear.
I'm not the expert here, but he was so willing to share.
his own journey and his own curiosity around embodiment.
And so willing to kind of say, don't, I don't get it right all the time.
And I'm learning new stuff, learning and unlearning all the time, which of course is just
the heart of grounded confidence.
I think embodiment is a
It's a practice and I think it's a forever practice.
It's not a destination that we get to.
I wasn't embodied, I now am embodied, right?
It's a continuing forever practice.
And embodiment continues to be my work.
Sometimes I get it right and I really feel connected to everything that's happening in my
head and in my body.
And sometimes, sometimes my brain, my head just isn't listening to my body.
And I'm also letting go of that kind of, know, once I've got this, I'll be able to.
I'm like, I'm out there, I'm trying it, I'm stretching.
That's enough.
And I think here, just linking back to grounded confidence, one of the things that I think
is really important is that grounded confidence lives in the body, not just in the head.
um And our ability to access the wisdom of our bodies is a really joyful and important
part of
developing that grounded confidence.
And then the last episode I want to mention was the episode on mastery with Claire Norman.
Claire and I have known each other for many, years.
And I knew before the episode when I invited her to come along that she and I shared
similar thoughts, views, if you like, around mastery.
So this idea that
mastery is not a place that we get to, you know, I am now a master.
And I think, you know, Claire and I talked about the, you know, the competencies and, you
know, the accreditation of master certified coach or master practitioner, whichever, you
know, one is, and how as a profession that creates can create this sense that
Mastery is an endpoint, an end destination that we perhaps might all aspire to.
But our conversation was just really about mastery, but without competencies and
checklists or achievement, the pressure of achievement and letting go of the idea that
mastery makes us good enough.
Like once I've achieved mastery, I'll be good enough, right?
We are already good enough.
And I think for me, the way that I'm kind of leaning into mastery and thinking about it as
a concept for me in my own development journey is that mastery for me is about devotion to
my craft.
And it's about holding the joy of that for me, the joy of unlearning and relearning and
getting it wrong and
picking myself up and celebrating the successes and feeling that ease.
It's about the joy, but it's also about holding the discipline because I think becoming
all you can be as a coach, whatever that looks like for you, requires discipline.
It requires commitment.
And that isn't always easy.
Sometimes maybe I think it would be easier to just stay where I am and that's enough.
And sometimes I do that.
I kind of go, do you know what, I'm done with all of this self-development and learning
more and I just want to stop and pause.
But eventually I come back to it, right?
This journey, this path that I'm on, I guess, towards mastery.
And I really loved Claire's reframing of this, you know, this idea that it's not about
searching for mastery or the journey to mastery, because that still kind of has this
element of it's an end point, it's a destination.
I think mastery is living and breathing and shifting and reshaping.
And that's exciting and sometimes terrifying as well.
And I think this reframing really helps me to do two things.
It helps me to be self compassionate.
and it helps me to hold my value of excellence in a way that is meaningful to me and not
because that's what the checklist says, or that's what the competency says.
I want to hold excellence in a way that is meaningful to me.
So there's been so much in this season, all around grounded confidence, values and
emotional agility, mindfulness, embodiment, mastery.
And of course we've also had episodes on curiosity and self-awareness.
But what I'm kind of walking away with, I think, is that grounded confidence requires
practice.
It requires compassion for ourselves and for others.
It requires patience.
and it requires us to stay connected to ourselves.
Grounded confidence isn't something that we claim, it's something that we live.
So by way of a close, I'll offer you a couple of reflective questions again, which I'm
holding and I offer to you.
Where am I practicing rather than performing?
And what does grounded confidence look like for me right now, in this moment?
I am so grateful to everybody who has walked this season with me.
I hope it's brought you some sense of support.
I hope it's maybe piqued some curiosity for you.
I hope that it's encouraged you to be kind to yourself, but to keep learning.
Stay with me Shiggy.
This work continues.
And I hope you'll continue to walk with me and join me for season four.
and maybe come back to some of our episodes from this season and other seasons as and when
they feel helpful or supportive.
Thank you so much for being here.
Take good care everybody.