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The Resilient Path Podcast with Kyle Draper features powerful, honest conversations with people who have faced life's toughest challenges and found the strength to keep moving forward.
From trauma, loss and addiction to mental health struggles, setbacks and unexpected life-changing moments, each episode explores not only what people have been through, but how they found their way through it.
Through raw stories, hard-earned lessons and inspiring journeys, The Resilient Path reminds us that resilience isn't about avoiding adversity, it's about discovering the strength to rise, rebuild and keep going.
Everyone faces adversity. The question is: How will you respond?
And as I was taking off my clothes, I saw how bloody and bruised I was, but I also had crap. I had human feces. I don't know if it was human feces, dog feces, I don't know, but it was feces. I had it in my hair. I had it all over my clothes.
Anabel:I had it all over me. And I was just like, how could they treat somebody like this?
Kyle:Hello everyone, welcome to the Resilient Path Podcast. I'm Kyle Draper, my guest this week, Anabel Velasquez. I'm a call her a survivor, one of the leading voices in human trafficking, not only in California, but across this great country, The United States Of America. Anabel, welcome to the Resilient Path Podcast.
Anabel:Thank you, it's such an honor to be here, truly.
Kyle:I'm truly inspired by your story, and we're gonna dive into that coming up in a minute. But for our listeners, who is Anabel Velasquez today?
Anabel:I am a mother and grandmother, glamour. But most of all, I am somebody that has overcome a lot of hardship, a lot of heartache. And I say that very, very proudly because you asked me a few years ago and I would tell you that I was just someone that was just surviving. Now I am thriving. I have a wonderful life.
Anabel:I am doing everything that I can to break down the stigmas that we experienced when I was younger. But in a nutshell, who am I? I am a survivor who is thriving in life right now.
Kyle:Let's get right to it then because I know your story, you've shared it with me. When would you say life changed and you had to become a survivor? Take me back to that age, what happened and how we got to this point.
Anabel:So there are different parts of my life when I was younger that still are missing, I guess you could say because of the trauma and the things that the brain will do in order to hide itself and protect itself from that trauma from experiencing it again. So I can say that there was bits and pieces of when I was a child. I can't place, like, the time frame, but there would be times that I would be looking at pictures of myself as a child and feel extreme sadness. And I never understood why. You know?
Anabel:So even when I was like six years old, I specifically remember hanging upside down on a slide and just asking God to not let me live. And that's six years old. At six years old, you're like, why? You know, when I think about that and just remembering that even to this day, it's like, I grieve that child, you know? So when you ask when did this happen?
Anabel:And I know that there was times in, my very young life that I've had to, but really the catalyst for everything was when I was 15. And my supposed best friend at the time, you know, we were experimenting with drugs and alcohol and primarily marijuana and alcohol. Right? But, you know, I specifically remember this was a Friday night, and we were supposed to hang out, and it was just like it was supposed to be a girls' night, you know? And her dad had always stocked up the fridge in the house.
Anabel:And so it was always fun for us to get high and hang out there because we had the munchies and we could eat everything and anything that was there, right? So that was supposed to be that night. And then we... There was people that started coming. The very first person that came, and they were all guys.
Anabel:The first person that had come was one of our really good friends, his boyfriend. And know, girl code, you don't hang out with your friend's Right. Man. Right? Like you just don't.
Anabel:And so I felt uncomfortable from the very moment that he had come, then he had started bringing more and more guys. And I had asked like, where was she? And he said that, oh, she was gonna come by in a little bit. And as time went on and as more and more people started coming, no other females came. It was just us two.
Anabel:And then there were so many guys at the house that we had to move down to the park down the street. And I wasn't partaking with anything, I was just like kinda like that wallflower and everybody was just like, you are such a bum right now, like you're bringing everything down.
Kyle:Yeah, Debbie Downer kind of
Anabel:Exactly, yeah. Exactly. And I was just like, you know what, I just wanna go home. I just wanna go home. And they said that they would take me home as long as like, they're like, you know what, just fine.
Anabel:Just take a few swigs of this and then we'll take you home. And then at that point I was pretending to drink. I still specifically remember it to this day. It was a 40 ounce of Budweiser. And they had like, they were making me drink it and I was pretending and then they're like, Oh no, no bubbles, Anabel.
Anabel:Because they could see that there was no bubbles and I wasn't drinking. So one of them had gone behind me and opened up my mouth and the other one had made me drink a whole bunch. And after that it was all over. There was like, I blacked out, not within seconds, but I just started feeling really, really woozy and then the attacks started happening.
Kyle:When you say attacks, obviously traumatic experience.
Anabel:What
Kyle:were you thinking in that moment? And we'll talk about the attacks in a minute, but what were a young 15 year old, still a child, Yeah, what were you thinking very much in that a child.
Anabel:I was petrified. I was scared. The first thing was in my mind was I wanted to go home. I just was not feeling comfortable at all. And, you know, I just told them, I was like, I'm not feeling well.
Anabel:And they were laughing and they were like, just sit sit down over here and we're still at the park. Mhmm. And so they had moved me over to the side. And then I just remember waking up in different parts of the city. Like, I would wake up in someone's car.
Anabel:I woke up in the... You know, in a different park and, you know, the tube slide, I remember that. I remember running, across a field where the, sprinklers had gone on, but I had slipped and, they dragged me back. And I remember, like, having gashes on my legs because I... They had dragged me over the sprinkler heads.
Anabel:They had... I I woke up in parking lots. I woke up in apartments, you know, and it was just crazy, like, what they were actually doing. And it took me a very long time to even fully understand that this was happening to me.
Kyle:We're gonna talk more about that night, but it seems like, you mentioned when you were six years old, but that night, was your innocence taken away, you think, that night? Yeah,
Anabel:I was still a virgin, so I wasn't understanding. Knew what sex was and whatnot, but like I honestly did not believe that people actually did that because this was in the nineties, you know? And people didn't really talk about those things unless they were on the news.
Kyle:Right. Mhmm. How did you come out of that? Like, you know, what's the resolution of that night? How many hours are we talking?
Kyle:How many days?
Anabel:Twelve hours of straight, like just a lot of drugging. So as I was waking up each time, they would re drug me again, you know, if I was stirring or whatever. And that time that I woke up in that tube slide, I think that was one of the other moments that I had tried to get away, and there may have been some kind of commotion because they had their... One of them had their their fingers around my throat, and they told me that if I screamed or made a sound, that they were going to snap my neck. And that was where I could hear help.
Anabel:I could hear the police officers outside of... They were in the park. And I could see the light of their flashlights, and I could hear the dispatch. And I was like, help is so close. And I was just...
Anabel:And then when they were walking away, I felt so terrified that I was like, what's gonna come of me? You know? Because like, I really wanted to scream, but I was so scared that they were going to kill me. And then, so that was just like one of the moments that I do remember, but for the resolution, so more, I remember, like, it was almost daylight. Like, it was like really early morning, late night, early morning.
Anabel:And one of them had said, what are we gonna do with her? And they said, oh, there was several different people that were there, but they were like, oh, she just lives down the street. And in my mind, I'm like, okay, I'm near home. So this time I'm in Fremont. Because like I said, I would wake up in different like places and I...
Anabel:In my head, I was seeing the different landmarks. So they had taken me through four different cities.
Kyle:Really?
Anabel:Yeah. So borderline of Hayward, Fremont, Union City, and Newark. So, yeah. So when they said that I lived down the street,
Kyle:I
Anabel:was like, okay, in my head, I'm like, I'm in Fremont or Union City because we lived on the border. And they said, well, what do you mean she lives just down the street? Do you know who lives down the street? And so my brother was an active gang member at the time. And so, again, like, bells and whistles are going off in my head.
Anabel:I'm like, they know my brother. They know my brother. And they were, like, pacing back and forth because they were like, you know, he's gonna kill us if he finds out. And... Because basically, they had something over my face and they had a gag in my mouth too.
Anabel:And so when they... Oh, they they took the... I don't know what it was. The the covering off of my face. They're, like, tripping because they were like, oh my gosh.
Anabel:You know whose sister that is? And so they were, like, talking amongst themselves. And then they said, you know what? Just get rid of her. And I can't move.
Anabel:I'm still pretty drugged up, but my brain is, like, going off. Like, what do they mean?
Kyle:And
Anabel:they said, get rid of her. And I was, like, so scared. Was so I was really, really scared. And then the next thing I knew, we were driving and then they took me out of the car. This part, I don't remember if I was already in the trunk or if I was...
Anabel:I I believe I was in the trunk of the car. They picked me up, and then they threw me over the overpass. And again, only by the grace of God that I was able to, at the very last second, just reach my arm over and grip the railing. And I was screaming. I was like, please come back for me.
Anabel:Like I could see them. I could see them leaving. Because this overpass has like running trails underneath it too, but it's also like a creek. And that's why they call it Deep Creek because at one point it was like, you know, yeah, there was a lot of water and people had drowned there before. So, you know, but I was screaming and I said, please come back for me.
Anabel:I promise I won't tell anybody. And I was like screaming bloody murder. And since it was really close to daylight already or morning, I think they may have been afraid that someone was gonna hear me because we were near like a mobile home park that was more down the road, but that you could like, you know, parts of it backed up into the access points of that trail. And so I was screaming. Seemed like it was forever, but I could feel my hands starting to slip because...
Anabel:And I was just like... I screamed even louder. And they finally came and got me, and they did throw me in the back of the trunk. And then they threw me onto my driveway. And I just remember crawling up into the house and then going into the shower.
Anabel:And as I was taking off my clothes, I saw how bloody and bruised I was, but I also had crap. I had human feces. I don't know if it was human feces, dog feces, I don't know, but it was feces. I had it in my hair. I had it all over my clothes.
Anabel:I had it all over me. And I was just like, how could they treat somebody like this? And I just remember rocking myself back and forth in the shower and just wondering. I was very still groggy and foggy headed. I knew something had happened.
Anabel:It was only until a few weeks later, through nightmares, that I finally pieced everything together because I still hadn't figured it out. I knew something bad had happened. Like I said, I was bloody. I was, like, bruised down there. It looked like somebody had taken a bat to my arms, like, and to the rest of my body.
Anabel:Like, you could see how severely bruised I And later on down the line, like, years later, you know, as I was going through many years of therapy, But I used to think they treated me like a dog. They really did, and why would they? They degraded me, my self worth, me as a human being. And then I realized how calculated they were. It was so that I would have to wash their DNA off of me.
Anabel:If I had feces all over me, I would have to wash all of that off. Right? So that's like so calculated and it never dawned on me until later. Right. You know?
Kyle:You know, I'm hearing kidnapping for sure. Yeah. Physical abuse, sexual abuse also part Oh of
Anabel:your yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Kyle:Obviously that's a night that changed your life.
Anabel:Yes.
Kyle:And I wanna know who was Anabel before that night?
Anabel:I was senator of my freshman class. I was a cheerleader. You know? I was very involved in sports and school. And after that point, that child was gone.
Anabel:I acted out after. And my parents really... I mean, I was a handful anyways. I was a handful anyways, but that night, nobody... Like, it really did change me as a person.
Anabel:And, you know, that... That's... There's a lot of times that I've had to still grieve that. There's different versions of me that I've had to grieve. Like, when you were talking about earlier that, like, that six year old child, I've had to grieve her because she didn't have a childhood.
Anabel:I did have a good childhood, right? Like some of the memories and stuff, but of course there are those parts that I'm like, why was I so sad? Like what happened? I'm still to this day wondering, you know? And I have to accept that maybe God doesn't want me to, like, you know, to remember that because the brain does a lot of protecting, you know?
Anabel:And maybe there is something so traumatic, even more traumatic than what I've already experienced that I don't, that I shouldn't go there.
Kyle:You know, I mentioned at the start, you know, you're very active in fighting human trafficking.
Anabel:Yes.
Kyle:We'll talk about that in a minute. But what do you want people to know about that night and what happened?
Anabel:So my statute of limitations have passed already. And so I myself will never see justice in the courtroom, you know? And I've had to live with that. But I I have to make sure that when I fight for other survivors, I'm also fighting for that little girl that I will never be able to fully be able to say sorry to. There's still a lot of me that feels very guilty.
Anabel:But to answer your question about what I want people to know about that night is that it wasn't my fault. I didn't ask for that to happen to me. There was a point in time where I was blaming myself. I was, you know, trying to reason with myself and say, you know, well, I do have to take accountability, you know, and that I shouldn't have been doing the things that I should, you know, but at the end of the day, I still never asked for that to happen. Right.
Anabel:Right? And I want to change the stigma of airing out my dirty laundry. Is not my dirty laundry. I want to put the shame and the blame back on the perpetrators on where it belongs. And that's what I want other people to also understand is that when you are a victim, you don't ask to become a victim.
Anabel:Yes, we may put ourselves in high risk situations that may make that a little bit more prominent, But victim shaming, I will no longer take. I will no longer accept that for myself. There is a lot of victim blaming and victim shaming. And we're all guilty of it because we do it to ourselves. Like you're even saying, like, just like I did, what did we do to cause this?
Anabel:Right. Yeah. We didn't.
Kyle:Yeah. We'll continue our conversation in a moment, but first, a word from our sponsor. Hey, everyone. Kyle here. On the Resilient Path Podcast, we talk a lot about finding strength during life's most difficult moments.
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Kyle:That's kiwanisfamilyhouse.org/resilient. What was it like? Because you said... And I... You are a survivor, Anabel.
Kyle:To survive that night, the immediate aftermath of that, take me through that because I remember, for me, I withdrew from people, I was despondent, I was depressed. What was it like for you?
Anabel:It was pretty much the same. I did pull back from the activities that I enjoyed, right? I started getting into more and more fights. Was on track and field. I did the hurdles.
Anabel:Okay. You know, that loved, that was like the thing that, running was the the thing that brought me so much peace and just something about hitting that pavement and the wind going through your face. And and I I dropped all that, you know? But I acted out in so many different ways. And when you look back, it's like you were screaming...
Anabel:I was screaming for help. Mhmm. I, again, did not understand what had fully happened to me until these nightmares. I I just kept having nightmares. I would wake up screaming.
Anabel:And to this day, I still have nightmares. You know, Jamie will wake me up in the middle of the night knowing, you know, that it's either coming or I'm in the middle of it. Mhmm. And so it was... I acted out a lot.
Anabel:You know? Grades went downhill at that point, literally. So this happened in May. I ended up meeting my oldest daughter's father a couple months later, and he was very abusive, very abusive. He broke my collarbone.
Anabel:He stabbed me. He threw me out of moving cars, threw me downstairs, know, would slam on the brakes on the car, and my face would hit the windshield till it broke. Like I just, there's so many different things, But I felt that I deserved all that. I felt that my self worth was... I didn't have self worth, like, you know?
Anabel:Because the way that they had treated me that night, everything went out that, out the window with that, you know?
Kyle:Yeah. I read an article about you and I saw a quote and you said, What once was sacred to me was stripped away that night.
Anabel:I had dreamed of, you know, of a life where, you know, I think every little girl dreams of, like, growing up, getting married, having this beautiful family with the white picket fence, all of that. And all of that was stripped away from me. I no longer had dreams. It was replaced with nightmares. I never wanted to go to sleep because those nightmares would come.
Anabel:And I found myself just, like, getting into drugs with my daughter's father to appease him. Right? And also... But it also was to a point where if I don't sleep, I don't have nightmares. You know, I don't have to face those demons.
Anabel:And I also, once everything like hit me, once I was able to piece everything together, oh, I was angry.
Kyle:Right, yeah.
Anabel:I was angry. I was driving around, you know, with those red gas tanks?
Kyle:Yeah.
Anabel:Yeah. I was driving.
Kyle:What were you gonna do with that?
Anabel:Oh, if I saw them on the street, if I saw any of them on the street, I was literally going to just hop out of the car, douse them, and just light them on fire. And you know, by the grace of God, that didn't happen. But I always think about that what if, what if. But I just think that you know, people would have been able to say, I understand why she did that. But that would have like stripped even more of my future away.
Anabel:So I thank God that that never happened. But still like that's how angry I was. And I was going through all of these different stages.
Kyle:And you mentioned it, it set off sort of a cycle of abuse
Anabel:Oh, in your life, sure did. I got into really bad relationships. That relationship I was in for five years until, and what got me out of it literally was a restraining order. The day before he had almost like strangled me to death. And he was...
Anabel:He had been stepping on... Like, was like literally stepping on me. Like, he was on top of me, and he was stepping on me, and he was strangling me. And his feet were on my my neck as well as his hands. And I could hear my daughter in the background screaming my name.
Anabel:And, like, I just remember, like, it sounded like water was rushing and I... And then things were just, like, you know, hyperspace.
Kyle:Yeah.
Anabel:Like, I... Those were the things that I was hearing, experiencing. But when my daughter was calling my name, that's when I got out of it and I got enough strength to, like, wiggle myself under.
Kyle:Mhmm.
Anabel:And I grabbed her and I ran out the door. And I had whoever... And he lived on a pretty busy street, and so there were always cars coming by. And so I actually flagged the very first car that I could, and I asked them to take me to my parents' house, which they did. And then so my dad was pissed.
Anabel:They were just like, this has to stop.
Kyle:And
Anabel:it was the next day that I woke up and I was crying tears of blood. So literally, like, I was literally crying like blood. And I looked in the mirror, and I saw, like, the whites of my eyes were just bloody. And so I went to the doctor. Because I was like, I don't wanna go blind.
Anabel:You know? I don't wanna go blind. I'm just... I'm really scared at this point. And the doctor was like, so what's going on?
Anabel:Where's all these bruises coming from? I was like, I just woke up like this. Oh, man. You know? I'm like trying...
Anabel:And then I'm trying to, like, tell her that I'm clumsy, you know,
Kyle:and So you're protecting
Anabel:was ashamed.
Kyle:You're abused. Uh-huh. Okay.
Anabel:I was ashamed. Okay. You know? Like, again, I'm like, I put myself through this.
Kyle:Yeah.
Anabel:I allowed him to to do this. Like, I could have left, but actually, like, that trauma bond and that emotional, like, tie, he's my daughter's father, you know? I didn't want her to broke... Wake up and, you know, grow up in a broken home. At that point, doctor, they were taking a really long time.
Anabel:And I was so annoyed, because I was like, What's going on? Just treat me and let me go. And then, like, maybe an hour later, an officer comes in and he's talking to me and I'm, like, scared. He said that he was putting an emergency restraining order to protect me and my daughter. And he's...
Anabel:And this is what scared me. This is why I complied. He said, if you break or do anything to break this restraining order. Like if you contact him or if you're with him, I'm gonna do everything that I can to take your daughter away from you. Because the situation that you're So in is toxic, yeah.
Anabel:Yeah. And I was like, I don't want, like my daughter means everything to me. My kids mean everything to me. You know, I was a teenage mother, but she was the reason why I graduated high school on time. She is the reason why I was going to college.
Anabel:She is the reason. Like I call her my hero, but because she saved me in so many different aspects.
Kyle:You know, my sister, Nicole, rest in peace, used to always say, When are we going to break the cycle?
Anabel:She
Kyle:Why would say that to my do you think for survivors, they find themselves in abusive relationships going forward? Take me through the psychology of that. Why do you think that happens?
Anabel:Because we're comfortable. We're comfortable with knowing what's going to happen, right? So we go through these romantic stages, right? After the big, huge fallout, there's that makeup stage. Right?
Anabel:I'm so sorry. Everything's gonna be okay. You know, I promise I won't do that again. You know? And as a survivor and some...
Anabel:Or actually, I'm still a victim at this time.
Kyle:Okay.
Anabel:Right? So Okay. To me personally, there are three stages. There's the victim mentality, then there's the survivor mentality, and then there's what I call the thriving mentality, I don't wanna just survive anymore. So at that point in time, I was a victim and I stayed a victim for a very long time.
Anabel:So as a victim, you believe in the person that you're with, the good side. And you rationalize within yourself that this is something that I've caused, so I can fix it by being a good person, or I won't make him mad, you know, I won't do this, I'm the cause. So that's like that part. And then when the domestic violence happens again, you know, again, we're always just internally blaming ourselves.
Kyle:Right.
Anabel:And then not breaking the cycle, it's, well, we know that it's gonna come. We're just like waiting for that shoe to drop. But that's comfortable to us because we know. And this is what I feel a lot of us survivors and what for me personally why I didn't leave for a long time was because I was scared of the unknown. Was scared of not knowing how peaceful things could be.
Anabel:Because what peace brings, what quietness brings, is my mind turning.
Kyle:Yeah.
Anabel:And even to this day, it's really hard for me to have silence because my mind will go everywhere, and then it will just like, again. And yeah, so breaking that cycle, personally, I think it's just because we are so afraid of the unknown.
Kyle:Because people will say, and I'm sure it drives you crazy and drove you crazy bad, why don't you just leave? Just leave. It's not that easy though.
Anabel:It really isn't. And when I talk to other survivors that are still in that phase right now, they tell me the same thing. You think it's so easy. And I'm like, girl, I've been there. You were talking to somebody that stayed in that cycle for a very long time.
Anabel:And not only did I stay in that cycle with one person, I left that one person with the hopes that the next person I would be is going to like not be that Not be that way, yeah. The same, right? But then I still found and gravitated towards those people. And that was because like I'm thinking again, I could fix them. It's my fault that they're that way.
Anabel:It's my fault. So what am I doing to better myself? So yeah, I can totally relate, but I can also see why people don't leave.
Kyle:Right. What would you say to someone who's in that kind of relationship, an abusive relationship right now?
Anabel:Think about your kids. Think about the example that you are setting. If you have kids, you are telling your children that this is okay and how to be treated. If you have a son, you're showing your son this is the way to treat a woman. If you have a daughter, this is how you're telling her this is okay and you're accepting of that.
Anabel:But if you don't have kids, what are you telling other people? You're telling other people that it's okay to be treated this way, that you deserve this way, but you deserve better. And I want them to know that you're priceless. You're worth so much You
Kyle:talked about the victim stage, the survivor stage. Now you're thriving, you're succeeding, excelling, giving back.
Anabel:Yeah.
Kyle:Why was that important to you to not only become a survivor, but become somebody that's thriving after that?
Anabel:Because I want people to know that there is life after abuse, whether it's sexual abuse, domestic violence abuse, human trafficking, any kind of trauma. You don't have to live there. I lived there for a very long time and I accepted it. I thought that that's how life was going to be. And once I started seeing how great life really could be, I was like, there was something inside that was so fulfilled.
Anabel:I said, This is what life is supposed to be like. Why can't other survivors feel this? Surviving sucks, just surviving sucks.
Kyle:Right, right.
Anabel:You know? And I accepted it that way. I honestly truly believed that, oh, I'm just surviving. But but there's so much more to life than that. So much more to life than that.
Kyle:You know, I started this podcast because I feel like so many people are suffering in silence. Oh, absolutely. Whether it's depression, alcoholism, you know, whatever it is. You have the courage and still do to tell your story and be vulnerable. Why?
Kyle:Where did you get that strength to?
Anabel:I think I've always been, you know, pretty loud and obnoxious, I think.
Kyle:You won't, no way, no way.
Anabel:Know, and I think I've learned to use those skills. Right, okay, okay. To be a voice for those, like you said, suffering in silence. Because there's such a stigma that's out there that we should not be sharing these kinds of things. They should stay behind closed doors.
Anabel:But when they stay behind closed doors and swept under the rug, then others that are experiencing that same thing, that's how it continues. Right? And I want to break that. I want other survivors to know that you are not alone and that there is life after the abuse, but we also have to do the work. We have to do the work within to be able to say, okay, you know what?
Anabel:I'm no longer gonna be a victim. Because again, like, I went through victim to survivor, then victim again, and I stayed in victim for so long.
Kyle:Right.
Anabel:You know? And then I was mad at the world, I was angry, I was bitter. Inside I was just telling everybody I'm okay, inside I was dying, you know? And I am vocal about this and yeah, pretty vulnerable, you know, when it comes to sharing like everything because I no longer wanna carry that shame. And I don't want other survivors to feel that shame as well.
Anabel:Because when you carry around that shame, it eats at you. And I don't want anybody to feel that way anymore.
Kyle:You know, speaking to my therapist is interesting. Us being vulnerable not only helps others, it helps us too. It's therapeutic for us. It is, Telling our it's story, right? Yes.
Anabel:It's super cathartic, Yeah. You
Kyle:What do you, I guess, because I'm listening to your story, you're in a human trafficking part, the abuse, you're a survivor, you're an advocate now. What do you want law enforcement, people listening, just the general public to know about survivors?
Anabel:There's a reason that we survived what we did, and we can turn that around into good. So stop looking at what brought us here, but look deeper. Because typically someone that's in, that's struggling with drugs, alcohol, whatever the case may be, there's a reason why they're using, right? It's to run away. So it's like, look at the core trauma.
Anabel:Look and find the core trauma. So for me, right? I was acting out, was getting in fights. I was getting in really bad relationships, But inside I was like screaming for help and I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't doing... Like I was constantly filling my time with things, but that was just because I was running away.
Anabel:So for other survivors or, you know, law enforcement and just look deeper, look deeper, you know, when girls get caught up for prostitution. Why? What did they, why are they in this situation to begin with? Some of them are running away from an abusive home, right? Or abusive parents, or they don't have parents, or their parents are the ones trafficking them.
Anabel:You know, I have those situations. Really? Yeah. It's really, really sad. But yeah, just look at why the core trauma, look How for
Kyle:would you define human trafficking? Because people may think it's, Oh, I'm bringing this person across state lines, or it's, I'm taking a young child and doing this, or the massage parlor. What is human trafficking?
Anabel:To me, it's any kind of coercion, any kind of... So there's different levels of human trafficking, There's labor, the ones that we all see are really sex trafficking.
Kyle:Right. Right?
Anabel:And so it's it's any coercion sexually that they're doing for for gratification and, you know, there there's some kind of an exchange. And yeah, I mean, for me, when they trafficked me, I didn't even acknowledge that I was trafficked until a few years ago. I would call it assaults. I would call it... My brother called it my issue.
Anabel:Labeling it the way that it is, it hurts.
Kyle:Right.
Anabel:That's when it hurts. I actually have a victim right now that will not say that she has been trafficked. She calls it a DV situation. Mhmm. Because labeling it correctly hurts.
Anabel:It opens it up. Like, you know, what your therapist said, call it for what it is. It is rape. But acknowledging that, it opens up a whole new wound. Yeah.
Anabel:Yeah. Deeper wounds.
Kyle:So what would you consider a healthy relationship? What's that look like for you today? Knowing everywhere the journey you've been on, where you've come from.
Anabel:Being able to love. So a good partner will love you unconditionally and know where you've come from and be patient and you give back to each other unconditionally. Like, you know, it's, it's a good partnership. It's a partnership, right? You have to go through life together.
Anabel:A healthy relationship is of course no kind of abuse at all. Like I will not stand for that. You know, we don't raise our voices, at each other, like to the point where like we're screaming at each other, we'll raise our voices in frustration, but never to a level where it's like the neighbors can hear,
Kyle:you know?
Anabel:Cause I think that being able to have healthy boundaries and being able to argue like healthy and maturely. Yeah. I think that's healthy. Right. Like of course, I think it's, it's dangerous when someone says that they have no problems because that tells me that you two are not able to talk to each and communicate you know, like you have to, you're gonna offend the other partner one way or another.
Anabel:Right. But how you deal with that is is the main factor.
Kyle:And you are you are touching a nerve right there because, you know, when I was married, that was one of the things I used to, oh, we don't argue all this. You know, we never argue. Everything's fine. But to your point, as I got older, I realized the lack of communication is what really doomed the relationship, Yeah. You
Anabel:Yeah. And not being able to talk to each other in a healthy manner where you're able to voice your frustrations. Right. Because I would walk on eggshells. Not with him, but with other relationships.
Kyle:That's relationships.
Anabel:Because I didn't want to make them mad.
Kyle:Yeah. Yeah.
Anabel:You know? And, yeah. So it...
Kyle:Yeah. Anabel, let me ask you this. What would you think the 15 year old from back then, what would she think of the person you've become today?
Anabel:I'm gonna send you a poem that I just finished maybe a couple months ago. And it is exactly that.
Kyle:Mhmm.
Anabel:Where every single time I get... We get a conviction for a survivor. Every time we get some kind of acknowledgment from the judicial system for a survivor, there's pieces of that child that is still there, that is holding my hand in that courtroom. And we're talking to each other and saying, good job. There's pieces of that child that still live.
Anabel:And I have to look back every now and then and acknowledge her and say it's okay. We're okay.
Kyle:Anabel, your story is truly amazing. And the reason this podcast is called The Resilient Path Podcast is you've been knocked down. All... Figuratively everything. Right?
Kyle:But yet you keep getting back up. You've shown resilience. Now you're helping others too.
Anabel:Yes.
Kyle:My last question, I guess, is this. When you think of resilience in your life as it pertains to you, what does it mean?
Anabel:It's getting back up and going forward. Even if we take 10 steps back, you keep moving forward. And that to me is resilience. I guess another word for resilience in my mind is stubbornness.
Kyle:That too.
Anabel:You know? Yeah. You know, I have always been stubborn and I don't want to live there anymore in that space anymore. And so being resilient is wanting a better place in your life, whether that's in your head, physically, emotionally, mentally, you just gotta keep getting back up and keep moving forward.
Kyle:Love you.
Anabel:I love
Kyle:you Oh so my gosh, Anabel. Anabel Velasquez, survivor, advocate. She's doing it all. One of the leading advocates against human trafficking, against domestic violence, sexual abuse in California and here in The United States Of America. Thanks for coming on the show.
Anabel:Thank you. It's such an honor to be here.
Kyle:If you are a victim of human trafficking or you suspect someone of being a victim of human trafficking, call the National Human Trafficking hotline at (888) 373-7888. That's (888) 373-7888.