Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Welcome to AccessGranted: The Stories of UCL's most Inspiring Students! In each episode, we'll peel back the layers and reveal the unique experiences of our guests, from conquering daunting academic challenges and socio-economic barriers to battling the dragons of self-doubt. These stories will remind us of all that obstacles can be overcome, dreams can be realized, and change is within our reach. Contrary to your average storytelling podcast, we tend to infuse some wit, playfulness, and a dash of the unexpected into each episode. Sit back, adjust your headphones, and get ready to be inspired, and moved. Your access is now granted!
Z: I’m Zhitong.
P: I’m Phoebe.
Z: And today we are very glad to have Yuxin as our guest here.
Y: Hi I’m Yuxin. I’m currently an anthropology 3rd year student.
P: Maybe the first question we’d like to ask is what’s the relationship between your uni works and your mental health situation?
Y: It’s been the main reason why I seek psychological professional help in the first place. My experience in uni and my experience outside of university is different.
Z: How so?
Y: Like, I don’t know. [I don’t know how to answer. The thing is I hate expressing myself in English.]
Z: [What if we just chat in Chinese, and then we can use AI to make it into English?]
Z: Welcome to Access Granted, the stories of UCL’s most inspiring students. So this is the first episode produced with the assistance of AI tools. I’m Zhitong, AI version.
P: I’m AI Phoebe.
Y: And I’m AI Yuxin.
Z: No worries the real us, we’ll take care from here. Our English is much more fluent than yours. Just chill.
(Real Zhitong: But can you just replace us, for real, like perfectly?)
I don’t know. What do you think? Yes, you, the one who’s listening. Tell us when you finish this episode.
Anyway, Yuxin, could you give us a bit more information about yourself.
Y: Yeah sure, so I’m from China and I have been a UCL student since 2018. I took a two year interruption after my first year because of mental health issues, severe depression. I recovered, at least somewhat, after that, and came back for study from 2021 only found that my situation started over and even deteriorated. I struggled to finish my courseworks in my second year that I had to redo my second year again. Now that I’ve progressed to my final year, I continue facing mental health struggles. I’ve been seeking and receiving help from UCL, my GP and therapist in China.
P: Does it work?
Y: Well, I’m sure we’ll cover that later. But having been suffered from mental issues for that long, I start to learn about psychology, you know especially when you feel like maybe most of the help you receive doesn’t work.
Z: Ok picking up from where we ended in the beginning, you said you are not comfortable to use English?
Y: I think it’s really sarcastic the fact that we are talking about my emotions itself spells much on my emotion. Mainly because... the questions you’re asking me feel exactly like what Anthony would ask, or what my departmental tutor would ask. Things like ‘What do you think?’ or ‘Why is that?’—it just really... I mean, every time I see him, I just freeze up. I can’t get a single word out.
Z: But do you think it’s really about the language?
Y: I do think it’s English, because... my relationship with English is just—I don’t use it in my daily life. Especially when I’m talking about personal feelings? I never use English for that. And every time I’ve had to—like with school, or my GP, or even counselling here—it’s just... gone badly. So I have zero confidence that I could ever say what I actually mean in English.
P: But this kind of ties back to what we talked about earlier—do you think having a dedicated BAME counsellor would help? Like, a BAME-specific one, or even a Chinese counsellor? Maybe then you could actually…
Y: Actually, UCL once referred me to some Chinese support group—I think it was entirely Chinese-run, but it wasn’t proper counselling, more like general advice. I spoke to someone there a few times, and they just told me to download this paid app. Bit odd, really. But I never actually had proper therapy with them. The only Chinese counsellor I’ve seen was back in China—never tried a Chinese one at UCL.
Z: Wait, UCL actually has Chinese counsellors? Had no idea.
P: UCL Wellbeing does let you specify if you want a BAME counsellor, but good luck with that—you’ll probably be waiting ages.
Z: Honestly? My only experience with UCL Wellbeing was getting extenuating circumstances. I seriously doubt they can offer me any meaningful help. The most ‘support’ I ever got from them was… more ECs.
Y: And you know what? I get it. The university itself is part of the problem—how’s it meant to fix anything? It’s like those corporations that trash the environment, then chuck money at it and go, ‘Oh, let’s save the planet now!’ I mean…
Actually, I currently have a study plan in place. The idea is to provide maximum flexibility for students - it's not just about standard Extenuating Circumstances or SORA (the Scheme of Reasonable Adjustments) anymore, but rather creating personalised deadlines tailored to individual situations.To be fair, I think the Anthropology Department has shown me considerable flexibility in my studies. But ultimately, I don't believe flexibility alone is the solution for students like me.
P: Could we potentially move away from rigid deadlines altogether and explore alternative systems?
Y: I have a friend in Italy where their higher education system allows students to choose when they sit exams.
P: Yeah, Germany too has a similar approach. Some people even spend six, seven, or ten years at university precisely because they have that flexibility. However, I'm uncertain whether UK students could ever have that option.
Y: International students in particular are already quite constrained by visa requirements, which makes this kind of open-ended study timeline practically impossible under current regulations. So in the UK, the maximum time you can spend on an undergraduate degree is five years. My plan is to extend my studies for as long as possible within that limit, and my department is supporting me in doing that. But of course, there's still a ceiling to what's possible. The department has really tried everything they can administratively - they've pushed things as far as the system will allow. But ultimately, there are boundaries we can't cross.
P: If you feel UCL can't adequately support your mental wellbeing, have you considered alternative options? For instance, perhaps seeking an independent therapist, or exploring self-directed approaches? Things like wellbeing workshops or other resources outside the university system?
Y: What actually makes me feel better? Watching films, chatting with friends. That creative writing workshop I went to once was really good. I’ve tried counselling too, though that hasn’t worked out great. And certain teaching styles – not the standard lectures or seminars, but the ones I actually enjoy engaging with. Podcasts help too – I’ve been into Deep Focus on Xiaoyuzhou recently, mainly film and culture analysis.
P: Yeah, ultimately it’s about building a life that fulfils you. I’m just an undergrad, but I’ve realised lasting satisfaction doesn’t come from productivity hacks or medication to manage stress – those are superficial fixes. Over time, you become numb to all those generic wellbeing emails during exam season. They feel performative.
Y: Yeah, like when you receive too many of those emails saying "Exam period must be stressful, here are some resources..." - you stop feeling anything, no emotional reaction. I don't think it helps me at all, I feel completely disconnected, never consider going, I just don't believe in it anymore. And it's not that I've had many bad experiences - it's like having just one unpleasant experience is enough to make you distrust the entire system. It’s really superficial. I don't think it solves the fundamental problem.
Z: I feel it's somewhat similar to how a nation-state not only controls you but now also provides this "good health" - it's really about maintaining you as productive labour, not genuinely caring about you.
Y: At UCL's level this might be the understanding, but when it comes to specific individuals, I think some people genuinely want to help me. My previous personal tutor and now Anthony - I think they want to help me. But there's some kind of disconnect in how it all comes together. It's like when you go to the hospital or deal with the NHS here - many people complain about the NHS, but when you actually interact face-to-face with doctors and nurses, you wouldn't blame them, because you know it's not something they can change or their fault. We're trapped. I don't know what's wrong. I don't know where it went wrong. Don't know how things ended up like this - it makes me confused, makes me feel stifled, frustrated. You can't take it out on individuals, but attacking this giant system doesn't work either.
Z: And what about your learning experience?
Y: I think the entire learning experience, UCL Anthropology's teaching experience, isn't great. My most enjoyable learning experience was joining a reading group in our department - Anthropology of Emotions.
Z: Led by Jo cook?
Y: Yes. I felt I truly learned something there. With many modules, you might be interested in the topic, but after taking it you find it... unsatisfactory. Of all the modules I've taken - and I've audited many, retaken many, probably taken over 50-60% of all modules in our department - only one or two have truly satisfied me and enjoyed the process. Others... some lecturers, seminars are disorganised, and you leave feeling worse.
P: Do you think it's because of this top-down teaching model?
Y: No, I don't think so. It's not that the lecture format itself is problematic - it's more about how individual lecturers deliver them. Honestly, many lecturers just aren't very good at explaining things clearly. The same goes for seminars. Some tutors don't know how to facilitate discussions properly. For example, there might be one or two students who dominate the conversation, and some tutors just let them run with it without involving others. It's not that the rest of us aren't interested - I often find myself unable to jump in, either because there's no opening or the tutor doesn't create opportunities for broader participation. Sometimes discussions completely lose focus too. A good tutor should recognise when the conversation drifts off-topic and steer it back. But in some of our seminars, it's just... all over the place. Like when a classmate starts talking about some movie they saw for ten minutes, and I'm sitting there thinking: What does this have to do with our actual topic?
Z: After all, university lecturers don't need teaching qualifications or anything like that.
Y: Exactly – knowing how to organise a class is a real skill. And I think Jo is really good at it.
P: Helene too—she makes sure everyone gets heard. During presentations, she’ll ask upfront: ‘Who’ll volunteer to ask questions afterward?’ That way, the presenter knows they’ll be engaged with. That’s real skill. Lecturers like her are the only personal connection we get in this massive institution. Sometimes, after an office hour, I’d leave feeling... seen. Like that time in second year—I walked out to Gordon Square, sat on a bench, and just cried. Realising someone genuinely cared how I was coping? In a place this impersonal? That meant everything. This year, another tutor noticed me sitting alone after class while others chatted in groups. She spent the entire break talking to me, said my work fascinated her, and even asked me to email her after graduation to stay in touch. That kind of attention—where they listen, value your thoughts, and care about your learning journey—it’s what actually keeps me motivated.
Y: Your department's lecturers sound amazing – it's like we exist in different worlds. I genuinely believe care on a personal level is so important.
P: Yes, I completely agree this is so important. Actually, my dissertation supervisor initially told me she wasn't familiar with my topic. I knew there was another lecturer - she'd taught me before and is an expert in my dissertation area. Even though I'm no longer her student this semester, when I asked if I could book office hours with her, she was incredibly helpful. She enthusiastically shared her research, recommended specific resources for my topic.
Y: I really love how in our reading group, when we discuss ethnographies, we actually engage with the stories themselves. The facilitator – who’s normally a lecturer – might suddenly say something like, ‘I don’t like how the author wrote this,’ or ‘This part feels really odd.’ There’s space for personal reflections, almost like spontaneous reactions among friends reading together. But in seminars? It’s all so... professional. Like you have to be ‘critical’ in a certain way, perform some expected analytical mode. There’s no room for raw, immediate reactions. The vibe is completely different – and honestly, these genuinely enjoyable learning experiences are way too rare.
This matters because classes occupy so much of our lives. One good session where you learn something and the atmosphere feels right can lift your mood for a whole week, right? Even one offhand comment from a professor can stay with you. But in our department, that supportive feeling is... hard to come by.
P: Could it be that the Anthropology Department is just too large? That scale makes deeper personal relationships nearly impossible.
Y: Exactly. When an institution grows this big, it’s... I’ve never felt like I truly belong to UCL. The relationship feels artificial – maybe there’s symbolic affiliation, but no tangible connection. Do you feel any?
P: I'm really curious about this, because overall my foundation year experience was incredibly positive - it made me feel like I truly belonged at UCL. I became UCL's number one cheerleader! But during undergrad, everything changed. My program required me to learn German from scratch at an intense pace, and I completely panicked. The professors themselves were great, but I kept thinking - if only I'd started a year later. Now in my third year, if I attend second-year courses, I can actually learn properly. I'm desperate to improve because I have this intense fear of falling behind. There was one time I really wanted to attend class, but... I was living half an hour away by tube. When the train arrived and the doors opened, I just couldn't make myself step inside. The thought of facing that class - where a single homework question might take me thirty minutes to an hour to understand - literally paralysed me.
Y: I've had that too - getting to the classroom door but being unable to enter. Just standing there frozen.
P: Exactly. Sometimes I feel like a KFC fast-grown chicken. During my exchange in Germany, it got so bad it affected my physical health. I was getting sick every single month - constant colds and illnesses from the stress. Right now, I just... don't want to keep enduring this. I need to either find a new environment or make some drastic change.
Y: Yeah, so I took a gap year in my second year. Well, I wouldn't really call it a gap year. Because I feel like a gap year is like mostly people using that time to try other things. They want to explore more possibilities in life instead of in the university. So that would be a positive choice, like an active choice to go take a break. Mine was really like a forced choice because I couldn't finish my assignment on time. And one of the solutions the department has offered me is to take 1 year of interruption.
When I came back, I bring back with all my assignments. I was like a year long procrastination, not really like postponed, the assignments that gave me more time to finish them. And in the meantime, on paperwork, you have to say why you should sue interrupt. So I need to go to a hospital and see medical help in order to have an evidence of how I recovered or not, say I need more time to recover to treat my mental health illnesses in this period of time. But I don't think I need that time to focus on my mental health problems because my mental health problem is not a separate part of me. It’s got everything to do with university work and lifestyle, the life I'm having here in London.
So I think on paperwork that idea of you have to take a year, a total year or 2 years in my case, to focus on how to treat myself like if you're a machine and some part of you is broken and you go back to the factory and they fix it. You go back as perfectly function machine and you can like finish all your work and have a happy life. That was not the case.
So that's why after 2 years of interruption, I felt like I was getting better because those 2 years I was away from the uni stress and I was with my parents. I had a cat. But when I came back, all the old stress has come back too. I don't think I'm just completely transformed. So I think it's important to know how to get better while at uni while having this life. But the university doesn't really allow you to do that. They don't give you enough time because our term time is pretty packed. And I don't really have some time to take a breath, for other people maybe 2 days like a weekend is enough, but not for me. I feel I'm constantly in this stress, the university thing is always in my mind. I don't know who are the best people I should go to ask for advice. Should I go to my professors but they are in academia for quite a long time. Or I go to a psychiatrist, or a psychiatrist in china where they don't really know what's going on in London, in UCL. I don't know whose voice is better for me.
P: I see.
Y: But because of the tier 4 visa, i’m not allowed to stay in London during interruption. I have to go back to my home country to receive the medical treatment.
P: Even though you haven’t had the most positive experience with UCL’s wellbeing support, you still think it’s worth having, right?
Y: Oh, it definitely helped some—I wouldn’t say it’s useless. I absolutely think they should keep it, and expand it—more creative writing workshops, maybe three times a week, fully open so no one gets waitlisted. Just... more of everything. That’s the kind of thing an institution can realistically do. What they can’t fix as easily? The core issue—when your actual learning experience is miserable. No amount of wellbeing workshops will help if you dread your seminars or hate every assignment. Right now, it’s like putting a bandage on a broken leg. It’s the same with how people view depression. First, they ignored it. Then they medicalised it—‘Oh, it’s an illness, just treat it!’ But that’s too simplistic. You can’t just isolate ‘mental health’ from why you’re struggling—your classes, your workload, how disconnected you feel from staff. What would actually help? Peer support groups where we talk about shared stress. Real communication—not just between students, but between lecturers, students, and admin. Right now, it’s like... we, as students, all get each other’s frustrations here, but the admin people making decisions? They’re not even speaking the same language.
Z: There’s a thing we discussed in the module applied medical anthropology on mental health. We talked about how academic staff have these set procedures and protocols for certain situations – there’s a "correct" way they’re supposed to respond. But really, it just ends up pushing the problem elsewhere.
Y: Yeah
Z: Like, if you tell a lecturer you’re struggling with depression…
Y: Yeah, you are right on the point. They can’t give you much personal response.
There are liability issues, institutional barriers. They don’t have the authority to engage on that level. It’s always: "You should see a GP or contact Wellbeing Services.”
P: But in a way, it’s also a protection mechanism. I remember when I was a mentor, the university trained us: "If your mentee asks to connect on Instagram, be cautious. Always schedule sessions via email – keep it formal. If a mentee develops unrealistic expectations, you’re not obligated to fulfil them. Your duties are clearly defined.
Y: Yeah, but there are always exceptions, you know? Like Ludo—he gave me his personal number and said, 'I normally don't do this, but I think you might need the support.' This was during summer break while I was working on assignments. He even suggested I text him a photo whenever I made it to the library, just as a little accountability check. I only did it once, and maybe he realised it was crossing a line, so it didn’t continue. But that small gesture? It helped way more than any formal system—it didn’t feel so... cold.
P: Right. It’s almost like an ethical dilemma, isn’t it?
Y: Totally. But ethics aren’t some rigid rulebook—they’re in processes of negotiation. Like last time I met my tutor, I walked in and apologised for being 10 minutes late because I couldn’t find his office. And you know what he said? 'I wish I’d forget where my office is too—then I wouldn’t have to come here!'
[laughter]
Y: Technically, should he have said those things? Probably not. But hearing it actually helped—it reminded me we're all just humans. He doesn’t want to be here; I don’t want to be here. We’re both under pressure. Then he said something that shocked me. I might actually prefer people who are a bit… depressed, like Camus or Kafka. And weirdly talking to this kind of people empowers me. Talking to someone like that—who doesn’t sugarcoat things—made me feel seen. When I admitted I was obsessing over perfecting every assignment despite having no time, he just said: ‘The older I get, the more I realise nothing in life ever meets my expectations.’ I was like—wow. Then he added: ‘this may sounds depressing, but I get a lot of things due at the same time.’ No corporate-speak, no script—just real talk. He wanted to find a solution tailored to me. But that level of help depends entirely on whether the person cares enough to go beyond the bare minimum.
Z: When can you even ask for this kind of help?
Y: When you’ve submitted one EC after another, about four ECs for the same assignment and still can’t finish it.
P: Wouldn’t they just fail you?
Y: They hate to. There’s grade quotas—specific percentages for firsts, 2:1s, passes. A fail messes up their metrics. So they’ll bend over backwards to avoid it.
P: Ok.
Y: Yeah, so they’ll try to help out of whatever reasons. And honestly I was visibly drowning. Those emails I sent? They read like some desperate confession—‘I feel so guilty...’ Over and over. I don’t believe they are that cold-hearted. I said ‘I genuinely cannot do this.
Z: I’ve actually become more reluctant to apply for ECs now—not exactly reluctant, but... less bold about it. They’ve completely institutionalised the process, shoved it onto Portico. Even if it’s self-certified, it’s not automatically approved anymore. It just feels... heavier.
Y: Okay, but my issue is I can’t even bring myself to apply. You’re still able to submit one—I can’t even do that. I have zero energy to deal with any of it. So a deadline comes... and I just don’t submit anything.
Z: Ok, I think we have to wrap up a bit for now.
Y: Cool. Thank you for having me. I know you have a section where the guests offer their advice on others. Right now I am still struggling so I’m not sure if I am able to offer any legit advice. But what work for me was to learn more about psychology and things like cognitive behavioural therapy. When I know more about different clinical strategy and theories on the difficulties I am facing I know more about myself and I can access what’s working and what’s not. Also, as I said I think attending creative workshops is helpful. The size and structure of a group really matters. Like when we suddenly have a huge crowd for some event, it ends up feeling more like a chaotic party than meaningful interaction. But with smaller groups - say, just four or five of us the dynamic changes completely. When you attend such events, ask yourself do you feel truly included? Is there space for your voice? That sense of participation makes all the difference. I guess that’s my experience so far.
P: Thank you so much for joining us today. It’s been a really nice talk, very informative and genuine.
Z: Indeed.
Y: Talking to you guys also ease my mind, so, thank you too.
Z: Hi this is Zhitong, the producer of this episode. This is not AI generated just to be clear, or am I? So, this time we really did a little bit of experiment. Because our guest found the use of English language quite triggering, so we came up with the idea of using the new AI tool to potentially overcome the language issue. So, there are glitches, I know, but I hope it still works. Feel free to give any feedback.
Z, P: Thank you for listening to Access Granted. Hope you enjoy this episode. Stay tuned for more empowering episodes as the stories of UCL's most inspiring students are far from over. As we sign off, keep embracing diversity and celebrating the uniqueness that makes each one of us shine. Thank you for being a part of Access Granted, where together we make a difference. If you've got any questions or would like to be our next guest, please do not hesitate to reach out to us through our social media or via email. Show notes are available on our website. Also, don't forget to subscribe us on Spotify and Apple podcast. And we will see you around next time.