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Super Fan Rachel and First Time Watcher Matt make their way episode by episode through the groundbreaking 1990's Canadian vampire cop television show, Forever Knight.
Dogs are for breakfast. And then only in the hardest of times.
Rachel:Hi. I'm Rachel.
Matt:And I'm Matt.
Rachel:And this is come in 81 kilo.
Matt:A forever night podcast.
Rachel:The vampire dog episode. Now read only this. It's 1995. Take a moment. Close your eyes.
Rachel:I'm gonna put you in.
Matt:Okay. Eyes are closed. Okay.
Rachel:This cool vampire show just came to the USA network.
Matt:Yep.
Rachel:You probably haven't seen the first two seasons because
Matt:Absolutely not.
Rachel:It's 1995. 1 of them showed in Canada. 1 of them showed on I don't know.
Matt:I missed the marathon.
Rachel:And they just disappeared into the ether, so they're not available. So this is your first experience with this cool new hot vampire show on the US
Matt:Starting with an airplane crash.
Rachel:Yep. You start with an airplane crash. Some characters who you don't know died.
Matt:Who's this Schenk guy?
Rachel:It's sad, but you don't know why. And then, oh, they're gonna talk about police brutality and excessive force. Oh my god. This
Matt:is gonna
Rachel:be such a cool
Matt:shot. Groundbreaking.
Rachel:Ugh, this is great.
Matt:Let's see what hard hitting social commentary we tackle next.
Rachel:And then you get your Native American Mysticism episode. And since it's 1990
Matt:That's a little.
Rachel:No. No. It's 1990 5.
Matt:That's right.
Rachel:That hit. It was great.
Matt:I loved it. I
Rachel:loved it.
Matt:Give me more of that.
Rachel:So you put it on. It's the 5th week. You're so excited. You're ready to watch this show.
Matt:Episode 5, season 3. Let's do it. What's this one about?
Rachel:Tell me how you feel right now knowing what the 5th episode is.
Matt:What the fuck?
Rachel:I honestly thought this was later in the season. I don't know why. I think we've mentioned before I've I don't really ever watch these in order. I just kind of like, I like that one, that one, and that one. I'm gonna watch those.
Rachel:I really thought this came later in the season because they find out, you know, midway through the season ish that they're not gonna get renewed.
Matt:Yeah.
Rachel:And so fuck it. We just do what we want. I thought this was in the fuck it. We do what we want. Oh, no.
Rachel:They front loaded the season with Vampire Dog. I think this is an effort to shoehorn in some expanded mythology Okay. Because we cover the Khourouche. So I think we are attempting to
Matt:raise a frog and animal character.
Rachel:So I think they needed a good way of being, like, well, what the fuck is screed? We had Screed and Black Buddha. Screed disappeared.
Matt:Yeah. Why does Screed only eat rats?
Rachel:Yeah. Like, what's what the hell is up with Screed? Why is he different than everybody else? And so
Matt:And so we got a little reference to if you don't eat a human in the first 24 hours or whatever.
Rachel:If your first meal would
Matt:be good. Meal.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:Okay.
Rachel:That's why when he gives Richard a bottle of cow blood in season 1, he was torpedoing Richard's entire life, making him a Carusch, but we didn't know that yet. They didn't know that yet. Nobody knew that yet. I think that's what they were trying to do. And I think it's another we're trying to talk about social issues.
Rachel:We're trying to be, like, horror Star Trek, where we talk about these social issues, but we've we couch it in vampire mythology.
Matt:Mhmm.
Rachel:So we talked about police brutality. We talked about Native Americans and how they should have the right to their own land, kind of, if they can prove it with a really, really old deed. And now we're like, oh, it's important to still talk to people even after they've been diagnosed with a debilitating chronic illness. So I think it's, a, a little bit of way to introduce vampire mythology, and, b, hey, check-in with your friend.
Matt:Check-in with your sick friends.
Rachel:Check-in with your sick friends. Don't don't don't ignore them just because they make you slightly uncomfortable. That there's still them inside even though they've changed, not into a vampire, but they have, like, MS or something.
Matt:Some of them have changed more than others.
Rachel:So, I mean, if we wanna give it a little bit of benefit of the doubt, some some BOD that there it is. But I don't know who wrote this, and then they gave it to the show runners and they were like, yeah, checks out. Let's make this episode. Because of the choices that they have to make to make the dog vampire y, and that, I think, is really where the unintentional humor of this episode comes in. I'm all about the I'm all about the check-in with your chronically ill friends or your your friends that have some kind of physical or whatever disability because they're still people, because they are still people.
Rachel:This is a topic that I think about a lot because almost everybody in my family has some kind of chronic, disease disease, just whatever, some kind of chronic condition. And I had to watch my dad go through Parkinson's and then watch him lose friends because it was hard to be around him when he wasn't Dan, the same Dan that he used to be. And it was hard to watch, and this actually does happen. And if you have a friend who has a chronic illness and you do what Tracy does, fucking shame on you. Just shame on you.
Rachel:You don't don't ghost somebody just because they're oh, we don't get to go out and party anymore? No. You're not a helicopter pilot anymore? Because they were sorority sisters.
Matt:Right.
Rachel:And then she got diagnosed with, an extreme form of MS because it's actually attacking her brain stem. And Tracy was like, that makes me uncomfortable, and stopped talking to her.
Matt:Right. If you're not a cool helicopter pilot, what are you bringing to this relationship anymore?
Rachel:Right. Her dad got her a desk job, shuffled her away to a back room, and Tracy was like, done. I don't need to worry about that anymore.
Matt:I'm doing my part.
Rachel:I'm doing my part. But we open With Jodie, we don't know that Jodie's gonna be our main character yet. By all standards of the show, she should be the murder victim, but she's not. She's walking through this park with her dog, Perry, and Perry is growling and she's like, is it those squirrels again, Perry? She's like, you know, you sit with me all night on my shift.
Rachel:Okay. So lead me to a bench, and you can have some fun.
Matt:You go have some fun.
Rachel:So she goes to sit on a bench. She lets Perry go so he can chase some squirrels, and she's like, don't go far, which I guess he does this fairly often because she mentions it to the vet. She goes, yeah. I know I shouldn't do it, but he doesn't straighten.
Matt:He always comes back.
Rachel:Except this time, he's digging in the dirt around some flower bushes, and then these 2 dirt covered hands emerge and pull the dog down. And then we go to.
Matt:I'm wondering whose hands those are.
Rachel:Doesn't matter. We never find out.
Matt:Are they in the credits? The Karouche.
Rachel:Are they in, like, a don't know.
Matt:Because Screed mentions there's another Karouche.
Rachel:Yeah. And he's like, where should I look for him? He goes, under a rock. Like, I don't know. Under a rock.
Matt:He buries himself at night. He he doesn't have a house.
Rachel:I mean, theoretically, there should be more Carushers than there are regular vampires because I mean, if you make somebody anytime they bite somebody and don't completely drain them, they can turn into a vampire, apparently. Because that's how it works this episode. So literally, anytime they finish a meal
Matt:like conversion timeline.
Rachel:It varies.
Matt:Maybe maybe dogs can do more with vampirism than humans can.
Rachel:Maybe it's a skill thing.
Matt:Yeah. It's a skill issue.
Rachel:Or it's how ready the person is to come back. Maybe the How
Matt:hard the person fights it.
Rachel:Yeah. Maybe the delay is the choice.
Matt:Oh, like when Nick went to the afterlife.
Rachel:Yeah. When he's in the He
Matt:had the opportunity to
Rachel:Ball gown. The diaphanous, mullet spirit. Yes. And he has he waffles. He has a conversation.
Rachel:He's like, no. I don't wanna go with you. He gave me he told me I could be an immortal fuck boy. You're not telling me I can be be an immortal fuck boy. I'm gonna have lived this life where my first love got murdered by this guy, and then I took the fall for it.
Rachel:And then I went to the crusades, and I got wounded, and now I'm just gonna die. Fuck you. No. I'm gonna go do some other shit first. And then later, I'm gonna come back and be like, I should have just died, and they're gonna be like, we told you.
Rachel:But sorry. You made your bed, now lie in it. Yeah. That would be maybe I don't know. It's that because she really wants to come back for her dog.
Rachel:So Yeah.
Matt:She's like, I get to go be with my dog forever.
Rachel:Forever?
Matt:M b b m b f f. Yeah. Man's best friend forever. Literally forever.
Rachel:Yeah. Literally. Yeah. I like how the golden retriever hold his shit together. The golden the golden retriever becomes the vampire dog version of Nick, but the rottweiler becomes the vampire dog version of Lacroix.
Matt:Well, in the flashback, the rottweiler still, like, sits when Nick tells it
Rachel:to you. But it's runoff and is just wantonly murdering people about
Matt:the country side. Lacroix traumatized it.
Rachel:Well, no. I think it's because, like, the dog tem I'm just I'm making the joke here that Nick is a golden retriever vampire.
Matt:Yeah. Okay. Gotcha. Yeah. Gotcha.
Rachel:Thank you.
Matt:He he is Yeah. The golden retriever vampire.
Rachel:Because the the, the dog doesn't even really eat for a while. He even sees somebody with a nosebleed, and he's like, hold it together. Hold it together. He doesn't really kill anybody until it's justified, till they have harmed Jody. Yeah.
Rachel:Yeah. Alright. Well, that was the intro. And then we come back to Nick, and Nick is at home, and he's like, he picks his, holster off the table and hangs it on the chair and then fills a glass with blood, and he's just sitting there drinking. And we're flip flopping between Nick and the dog because Jodie is on the phone with the vet, and she's like, yeah.
Rachel:He's been listless all day, and he's off his food. And, of course, Nick's been listless all day because vampires. And then Nick opens the window and it's still sunny out, and Jodie goes to open the door because she's taking him to the vet and it's sunny out, and they're both like
Matt:And the dog won't go.
Rachel:Yeah. And she's like, alright. Fine. We won't go to the vet, but you still have to come with me tonight. And the dog's like, dodged that bullet.
Rachel:Thank God my owner is on night shift.
Matt:Yeah.
Rachel:And then Nick goes into work, and Tracy is looking at a dog book, but it looks like remember the DK books?
Matt:Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Rachel:It looks like
Matt:All about x. Yeah. All about dogs, and
Rachel:it was always just a big picture and a little bit of text because it's like dogs. And it's like, this is a yellow dog. This is a big dog. Which dog is bigger? This dog or that dog?
Rachel:That's what it looks like she's looking at. And Nick is like, oh, are you thinking about getting a puppy? And she's like, my nephew wants one of those wrinkly Chinese deals. And Nick Nick goes, oh, a Shar Pei. And Tracy's like, see, I knew you like dogs.
Rachel:Maybe he just likes to watch the, dog show.
Matt:What's the
Rachel:big dog show? Used to have a
Matt:The American Kennel Club
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:Something something.
Rachel:It's like the yukanuba club or something like that. But, yeah, the we used to watch that every year. I have owned one purebred dog in my entire life, and yet we watch that every year. And that dog was a dick. My parents got a, no, Cocker Spaniel when we were all little.
Rachel:And I'm pretty sure if you look up Cocker Spaniel, it says in really big text, not for children. Like, they're one of the most the worst with children dogs.
Matt:When you mentioned that they got it before you were born.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:And and when you looked up information about it, they were like, they they like pack bond
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:Very tightly, and you can't really add new members to the pack after you integrate them. So don't get this dog until, like, if you're gonna have a family Yeah. If this is the family dog, don't have any more kids, basically. Yeah. After you have the dog.
Matt:That's when they got the dog, and then Rachel was born.
Rachel:Yeah. It did not like me. And it was expensive, which is what Tracy says. She's like, yeah. The Shar Pei isn't just a dog.
Rachel:It's an investment. I could buy a new car for what you pay for when it's A Mazda. A
Matt:a new car. A Mazda.
Rachel:A a Mazda. Yes. She goes, I could buy a Mazda. And Nick goes, Mazdas don't fetch.
Matt:What that's the value of the dog, though. They
Rachel:fetch. They fetch? Do sharp paste?
Matt:Probably. I don't know. There's I heard someone summarize it as there's more difference between, like, personality wise. There's more difference in the personalities of dogs within the same breed than there is between the averages in each breed. So, basically, the personality doesn't really matter on the breed.
Matt:It would, like, depend on the breed.
Rachel:Well, some do.
Matt:There are a couple things where, like They have tendencies. There are tendencies like hunting. Yeah. Or herding instincts.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:But as far as, like, nice or mean or I mean, I wish I
Rachel:could probably preface this with the fact that we are not dog people.
Matt:We're not dog people.
Rachel:I have no specific objections to dogs. I just never in my life want to own a dog. I have owned dogs. Like, we had dogs growing up.
Matt:Family dogs.
Rachel:All the time. My mom still has a dog. It's the it's the
Matt:Maybe he got bit by a vampire?
Rachel:I don't know. Jack is a special special creature. He is a how to say it? He's a double dapple dachshund, and he's like the disabled version of a dachshund because he has he was born without eyes, and he's deaf.
Matt:He he had one eye that was half functioning.
Rachel:He used to be able to kinda cock his head to the side and see a little bit, but he's pretty much all blind and deaf now. So he's just a nose, and somehow he has wreaked more havoc than any dog they have ever owned. I mean, I've even owned really good dogs. We had a couple of just great dogs. I just I'm not I would prefer cats, so I don't know.
Rachel:I don't I just don't stop listening to the podcast because you think we hate dogs. We don't hate dogs, but I don't see the appeal of owning dogs, I guess. Yeah. So I mean
Matt:That said.
Rachel:That being said, Tracy's talking to Nick about dogs, and she says, have you ever owned one? And he's like, yeah. A long time ago. And eventually, he's like, you know what? I do like dogs actually because they accept you for exactly who you are.
Rachel:He goes, yeah. I like dogs. They're your friend. They're your companion. They accept you for exactly who you are, and they don't leave you, And they don't follow you around for centuries and murder your friends.
Rachel:Oh, Nick.
Matt:Are Are you talking about a dog?
Rachel:We have bumped into trauma. And, of course, we have. We know we have because we immediately go into a flashback. We're new.
Matt:As he's he's looking through the book, and he sees a rottweiler. Yeah. And then he just kind of looks up slowly.
Rachel:Yeah. So he's skulking through the woods in, like, a cape. He's he's roughing it. He's like mountain man dick, and there's a dog following him. And he's like, go leave.
Rachel:Don't stay with me. Go, strange beast. And the dog is like, you're my best friend. He's like, no. No.
Rachel:Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.
Rachel:And the dog's like, please. And then, of course, Nick caves immediately. He's like, okay. Fine. Come in.
Rachel:Of course. Okay. You can come in. And he gives him venison, and he goes, venison for you. The rest is for me.
Rachel:Holds up a bottle.
Matt:Which he probably has an issue of, hey. I'm going out and catching deer or whatever.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:And I'm draining the blood out of it, and now I have, you know, like,
Rachel:a 100 and 50
Matt:pounds of carcass.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:What am I gonna do with that? Yeah. And having a dog Yeah. Is a useful, garbage disposal.
Rachel:Correct.
Matt:Like, I was at a friend's the other night for dinner, and I spilled some rice. And I said, oh, let me go get a broom and sweep that up. And he's like, no. No. No.
Matt:And he called his dog over, and the dog cleaned up all the rice. It's like, oh, okay. There's there's a, there's one other in the pro column. I
Rachel:was gonna say there's one tick in the features. So he names the dog Rally, as in sir Walter. I'll call you Raleigh.
Matt:Sir Walter Raleigh?
Rachel:Raleigh. I mean, I don't know.
Matt:Well, in England, it might be pronounced differently.
Rachel:In in you know what? I think sometimes Garrett has so many accents kicking around in his head. It probably gets a little confusing. Oh, no.
Matt:It's like in Highlander. Where are you from, Nash? Lots of
Rachel:different places. That's exactly what it is. But, yeah, we live in a state where the capital is Raleigh. So that would be ral r a l e I g h, Raleigh.
Matt:Although, if you say the lay, like sleigh Yeah. Like I'm riding a sleigh, then it's Raleigh.
Rachel:It's fine. Whatever. So Tracy says she owns a dog, owned a dog when she was little, and it was named Sparky. And Nick goes, Sparky. And she's like, what?
Rachel:He's like, nothing. She goes, well, what's wrong with Sparky? And he goes, nothing. That's exactly what I expect you to call a dog. Did you have a cat named Fluffy?
Rachel:But they get interrupted because Reese comes out, and he's like, we got a homicide. There's a guy running around town doing weird shit. Y'all catch him? I'll be so happy. I'll buy you both a puppy.
Rachel:And they're like, oh, okay. And so
Matt:Nick's in.
Rachel:So then we're driving around we're driving around in the Cadillac again, and it's green screen. They must have just been, like, no. Insurance won't cover you filming actual driving around anymore.
Matt:It was probably an American thing versus Canadian studio.
Rachel:Maybe. I don't know. But then Nick looks up and there's a helicopter, and he's like, what are they looking at? And Tracy's like, I don't know. And he's like, fucking find out.
Rachel:I wanna know what they're looking at. And so he doesn't say that, but he's like, let me see you know, find out what they're looking at. And so she calls in to Metro Air Control and talks to the lady, and, they find out that there's a there's something in progress at this park, and they need to get there fast.
Matt:And then she This is where we find out that the same lady with the dog that we saw earlier also works at air control dispatch.
Rachel:Yeah. But the joke I was getting to here is she had just given Tracy had just given Nick advice on where to drive, and Nick goes, do you want your own little steering wheel? Pull this guy off. Go around him. Take Adelaide to Jarvis.
Rachel:It's faster.
Matt:Maybe you'd like your own little stirring wheel, And then, and then Jodie at dispatch. Yeah. Says go this way, which is the way Nick said to go.
Rachel:No. It's the way that Tracy says to go. Yeah. Oh, okay. I And Tracy's like
Matt:misinterpreted the smiles.
Rachel:Mhmm. Because Tracy was right. You patronizing motherfucker. She knew exactly where to go. And this is when someone comes in to the dispatch and their nose is bleeding.
Rachel:It's 2 officers, and the one officer is like, I'm so sorry. I didn't even see you standing there. And he's like, no. It's no problem, but he's literally dripping blood on the floor. And the dog is like, oh oh, snackies.
Rachel:So he ends up licking the floor, and you're like, oh no. As if the sunlight wasn't a clue, this dog is a vampire. So they get to the park, and Nick tells Tracy, you go north, and I'll go that way.
Matt:So close.
Rachel:Can't bring himself to say it. Go around with his code word with skanky. Yeah. He can't say that with Tracy. So then we see the crime which is in progress, which is a guy assaulting a lady.
Rachel:This is really kind of graphic. He's, like, cutting her button her buttons off of her blouse with a knife, and then he licks the side of her face. Ew. It's really gross. What is it with this season in licking?
Rachel:This is the second time somebody's licked somebody's face in 5 episodes.
Matt:And in this episode, this is the second licking scene we get.
Rachel:Yeah. But this not talking about the talk, you doofus. It's just when Vashon gets turned, his master licks up the side of his face. And then right now, somebody, it just makes me feel like the director is like, now lick him. Now lick.
Rachel:You know what would really amp up the drama? It's it's an elkirkle. You know what would really amp up the drama in this scene? If you just just go ahead and lick their face. Just lick their face, man.
Rachel:But Nick is zooming around the park, listening for the crime, and he gets there. And the guy runs away, but the lady, like, launches and it just so happens to be the bus that Jodie is riding on.
Matt:And so he starts hitting on Jodie.
Rachel:Right. Really grossly hitting on Jodie, which Perry is totally not about. Perry starts growling at him.
Matt:Dogs have good, good read on people. Yeah.
Rachel:They have good people People radar?
Matt:Yeah.
Rachel:Douchebag radar? I don't know. Because he's a fucking creep. He's like, I could hear you. I'll cure you because I'm the doctor of love.
Rachel:She's like, what the shit? So she calls she she's like, driver, this dude's being a dick because he, like, grabs her shoulder.
Matt:Appropriate. Good job.
Rachel:Yeah. Good job, Jodie. And then the guy runs off. And then she goes home and she's like, doctor of love. Now I've heard everything.
Rachel:Gross. And the poor dog is laying in his bed. And if you can imagine what vampire, like a vampirism change does for human hearing, can you imagine what this dog is hearing?
Matt:Right. His sense of hearing, sense of smell.
Rachel:Yeah. Must be just overwhelmingly terrible.
Matt:Yeah. Like, daredevil has to sleep in a sensory deprivation tank.
Rachel:In the Ben Affleck one.
Matt:The true
Rachel:The daredevil. Oh, yeah. The canonical daredevil, Ben Affleck.
Matt:Or, the the meme about how many lives does Superman have to save to justify himself going to sleep at night?
Rachel:Yeah. Because he still hears it all. Yeah. Yeah. And can you imagine the dog smelling, like, his sense of smell?
Rachel:I don't know if he just hears this guy say doctor of love or if he smells this guy. But he runs out the dog door, and he would normally
Matt:We get a we get a whoosh, and then we just see the dog door flapping.
Rachel:What? So the dog would normally be trapped in the yard by the fence. But that doesn't work anymore, because now the dog can fly.
Matt:Super dog.
Rachel:Super dog. And I was like, how does the dog fly? Does the dog fly in a seated position?
Matt:So human Yeah. Flying position.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:Picture a human standing up straight, and then they look up at the sky. Yeah. And then you just turn them horizontally.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:Right? Now picture a dog standing on all four legs, and they look straight up, and then you turn them horizontally. So their tail is sticking straight up.
Rachel:I have
Matt:And their legs are sticking straight back.
Rachel:Yeah. I have to imagine it's an extended version of their jumping position. The legs Probably. Legs out, feet out?
Matt:Right. The the human position is that way because that's the the lowest, like, profile Yeah. Perpendicular to the movement.
Rachel:The one
Matt:So it's probably something like their jumping position where their front legs are forward, and their back legs are back, or they could just kind of tuck their legs up, like the Yeah. The cat loaf position or
Rachel:The one I'm choosing to go with is their standing position
Matt:what Falkor does.
Rachel:Lying around.
Matt:Falkor has all his legs tucked up. Yeah. Like, he's laying down.
Rachel:Falkor.
Matt:But that was probably that's how they built the model, and they didn't want to make the legs articulable.
Rachel:Yeah. Because the only other time we see Falcor is when he's lying on
Matt:the ground. Yeah. We never see Falcor in a walking position.
Rachel:Walk. No. Why would he walk? He can fly. He would just float.
Rachel:Right. Just float. I choose to believe he flies with his legs and all of his legs straight down like he's standing, and you just pick up. It doesn't matter. He's off to be the hero because he's going to interrupt another sexual assault in progress.
Rachel:So he washes off and he lands on the roof of this structure behind that.
Matt:Like a mausoleum. Because they're in a graveyard. Right?
Rachel:And so they clearly have a model.
Matt:Wait. Hold on. Are they in a graveyard? Right?
Rachel:They're in, like, a something. A park. A park, I think.
Matt:Okay.
Rachel:So they clearly have a model of the dog snarling, and they're just pushing it forward for the long shot. That is not a real dog. It's just like, like like, somebody's behind it with the dog on a stick.
Matt:It's probably like an animal safety thing. Oh, yeah. Like, they couldn't have the dog up on this 10 foot ceiling.
Rachel:Yeah. Yeah. They probably put it up there, and someone was like, no. No. No.
Rachel:No. No. Step too far. Because then when we go to the close shot, it actually is the golden retriever,
Matt:and
Rachel:he's actually snarling. And he attacks the bad guy and apparently, brutally murders him.
Matt:So so at this point, I said, oh. Oh, and then we we cut to Nick. And Yeah. They come to
Rachel:the crime scene.
Matt:Oh, they something tore this guy apart, and I thought, oh, a detective searching for a a, you know, a beast that killed a man. There better be a reference to the hounds of Baskerville in here.
Rachel:And Matt goes, we better reference the hound of Baskerville's, and I lost it. I was like, no. How'd you know? Oh my god.
Matt:Pattern recognition.
Rachel:How how could you even guess that they would that Nick would somehow meet Arthur Conan Doyle?
Matt:I thought it was going to be just a nod to the story where Oh, no. Somebody's named the same.
Rachel:You thought. You thought. That's not what happens. So they're all standing over this body in the body bag, and they're like, oh, man. Whoever did this was really brutal.
Rachel:And Tracy's like, like, pretty sure the lady said it was a dog. She said she saw, like, a blur, a fur, and then all of a sudden, something was attacking this guy.
Matt:What the hell could do that to a person?
Rachel:Well, she thinks it was a dog. She says she was lying there. All she saw was a big furry blur. And the next thing you know, guy's being torn apart.
Matt:You know, whatever it is, it's a hero tonight. I was really hoping that Nick and Natalie talking where and Nick Natalie was gonna ask Nick about werewolves, and Nick was gonna be like, no. Werewolves aren't a thing.
Rachel:You just want werewolves to be in this so bad.
Matt:We get the we need the extended supernatural universe.
Rachel:No. We don't get that. Being able to spirit walk wasn't extended enough for you. You want more supernatural stuff?
Matt:At least give me a ghost.
Rachel:Oh, it's coming. I thought it was coming before this because it's not a bad episode. It's actually a really good episode. Maybe getting all of these out of the way ahead of time is for the best because we're not I'm not dreading vampire dog for the whole season now. But, apparently, Perry brutally murdered this guy, and Nick is like, well, whatever did this, it's a hero tonight, whether it's a dog or a man, whatever.
Rachel:They they're doing the good job. They saved
Matt:the lab. The good boy.
Rachel:And Natalie is like, and he goes, what? And she's like, well, I just wanna get this body back to the lab, but let's just say I smell bullshit. Something is up. And then we cut to Jodie, and Jodie's on the phone again, and she's like, yeah. He was out all night, but I I don't know.
Rachel:I'll try to get him back tonight, because Perry was gone, apparently.
Matt:Superhero.
Rachel:Superhero business all night. Oh, and then like another like, a beat cop comes in and is talking to Jodie. And she's like, oh my god. Did you hear what happened last night? Some dog killed this rapist guy who was calling himself the doctor of love.
Rachel:And Jodie's like, oh, shit. Because that's the guy that talked to her on the bus, and Perry didn't like him. And Perry was gone all night, and a dog killed the guy that harmed that tried to hurt her.
Matt:Mhmm.
Rachel:She puts the pieces together really quick.
Matt:Yeah.
Rachel:But she doesn't wanna believe it because she's like, oh, okay. And then the beat cop's like, yeah. Chalk one up for the forces of good tonight. And then walks off completely unaware that the first seeds of Perry's destruction have been sown. And then we got to Nick and Natalie versus the blender.
Rachel:Hey. We haven't had a shake in a while. So Natalie is blending up something, which
Matt:Something.
Rachel:I want someone to walk in when they're in the morgue, and she's blending something, and then she gives it to Nick
Matt:to drink. Red and meaty?
Rachel:And she gives it to Nick to drink, and he drinks it. What? What's in it? Because she says, you could chew rusty nails for a year, and you wouldn't get that much iron. You could chew on rusty nails for a whole year and not get that much iron.
Rachel:Go ahead. Drink it. Oh.
Matt:Nostrovia. Nostrovia. I think rusty nails would taste better.
Rachel:And so she gives it to him, and he's like, ugh. I think rusty nails would taste better. He doesn't even drink, but, like, maybe a sip of
Matt:it. Right.
Rachel:I love that she keeps trying. She's like, I'm gonna help you. We're gonna get this done together.
Matt:This can't be like a Garrett. Like, ew, gross. I don't wanna drink that thing, because he drinks the Ribena like a bunch.
Rachel:Well, it's just supposed to be Nick is Nick is half assing this cure business. Yeah.
Matt:Nick isn't actually committed Yeah. To participating in this the way that Natalie wants him to.
Rachel:I know. Plus, I mean, what did she think? The iron is what he gets from the blood? So if he just takes enough iron supplements, he's gonna be a okay. The fact that she refuses to believe that even part of what happens to him is supernatural
Matt:Yeah.
Rachel:She's like, no. It's viral. It has to be it has to be something I can fix. And it I just this, I never buy. I would buy it if if in our mythology, they just drank blood.
Matt:Right.
Rachel:But he is capable of hypnotizing people. He is capable of flight? Right. How does flying work? What virus can I get infected with that will allow me to fly?
Rachel:I would really like to know, and it is simply a biological process. What biological process, Natalie, is allowing him to defy fucking gravity and fly off at a whim. Right.
Matt:And on the blood replacement side, like, if she wants to make, like, a shake that he can drink instead of, like, naturally sourced blood, then start with, like, okay, here's all of the, you know, molecular components of blood. Like, here's what blood breaks down into. Let me chemically synthesize these, and then put it in a shake and have Nick drink it and see if that is nutritious for him.
Rachel:Right. And he she hasn't even found out or he hasn't told her yet that they don't just get nutrition from blood. They actually see memories and can at least temporarily absorb skills. That really doesn't feel like it's an entirely biological process.
Matt:Right.
Rachel:I have never eaten a steak so good, I remember what it was like to be a cow. And if I did, I'd be really weirded out, and I would imagine it was probably something extraordinary.
Matt:Yes.
Rachel:Yeah. So she's so focused on curing this, like he got a bad case of the flu and it changed his dietary needs and she just has to figure out the dietary needs part and the flu will go away. Except he caught a flu that makes him burn in the sunlight, allows him to fly, makes him allergic to garlic, and religious symbols make him burst into flames. If I got COVID and all of a sudden walking into a church made me burst into flames, I would have a lot of questions and none of them would be about antibiotics. Okay?
Rachel:I'm just saying. That's the part that I just never never jived because if you wanna go that far we've been watching too many seventies movies. I just said jibed conversationally. If you wanna go so far as to have somebody try to cure a vampire, then you need to give them a set of abilities that feel curable.
Matt:Right. Like, if it's just enhanced strength and speed
Rachel:You're strong. You're fast. You drink blood.
Matt:And you heal quickly.
Rachel:You heal quickly, and you might burst into flames in the sunlight.
Matt:Or at least, like, blister.
Rachel:Yeah. You're sensitive to sunlight. All of those things feel like, okay. That's something maybe we can cure.
Matt:Yes.
Rachel:That's what they do in the Blade universe. We find a cure for vampirism in the Blade universe. That's what that's what Blade 3 is all about. The one with Ryan Reynolds
Matt:Mhmm.
Rachel:And Parker Posey. Someday, we'll do that on Strange and Beautiful Book Club, and I will give my treatise on how certain people with certain mouth shapes should never be vampires.
Matt:Casting directors, take note.
Rachel:Matt has heard this particular tirade before, but there's just a certain mouth shape that doesn't handle fangs well, and spoiler alert, Parker Posey is one of them. So back to the actual episode. Natalie drops that. This body wasn't just roughed the fuck up. It was drained.
Rachel:She's like, as in 3 pints low. Harry was a thirsty boy. Okay. And Nick's like, well, it could be a Karouche. And Natalie's like, I'm sorry.
Rachel:What? A what?
Matt:A Carouche, a lower form of vampire. Fades off verminously.
Rachel:And he's like, oh, you know, I didn't tell you about that. A Carouche. You know? Every once in a while, you get a vampire that maybe isn't as cool as the rest of us, and they eat animals and shit.
Matt:A lower form of vampire?
Rachel:Yeah. Which is probably why everybody gets mad at Nick when he drinks cow blood because he's Acting
Matt:like a Carouche.
Rachel:And he's slumming with the Karouches. And even Nick is a little bit, well, we'll get there. We'll get there. Because this is when the bus driver comes in, and he's like, hey. I got a tip.
Rachel:I heard you guys are looking for a dog that attacks somebody. Well, I had this blind lady and a dog on my bus, and this guy describing himself as the doctor of love was, like, harassing them.
Matt:A guy calling himself the doctor of love who looked just like the guy who got killed.
Rachel:Yeah. And they he was harassing that lady and her dog, and the dog was being, like, real sketch about it. And I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure that they're the one that that's the dog. Is there a reward?
Matt:Can I get one of them? Here in case there's a reward. Yeah. You know, for the dog.
Rachel:For the dog. And meanwhile, Nick has gone to talk to Screed, and Screed has all these rats on a clothesline.
Matt:He's like Training them into a jog.
Rachel:And Nick shows up, and Screed's like, oh, I didn't realize one of one of my kind was hanging around or whatever. And Nick's like, I'm not one of your kind.
Matt:Oof.
Rachel:So there's
Matt:definitely some
Rachel:there's definitely some, dietary discrimination based on what you eat, which is probably why Lacroix is like, stop eating cows. You're like them. You know, the Carrouche, the
Matt:The ones we haven't even talked about
Rachel:The ones we have
Matt:for 2 seasons.
Rachel:Before. And then Screed goes off on a rant. And I'm not gonna lie and pretend I can understand everything Screed says, because we do not have a subtitled copy of these episodes.
Matt:I think it's the dialogue is designed to be incomprehensible.
Rachel:Yeah. It's rambly. It's long. Screed is selling the fact that he is different from Nick, I guess. I don't know how to describe this.
Rachel:He is supposed to seem pedestrian to Nick's more, like, clean-cut I don't know.
Matt:Sophisticated. Sophisticated,
Rachel:I guess. But he go he's like, oh, have you turned any dogs lately? And Screed's like, well, I couldn't say. You know? Sometimes you get hungry, then you get interrupted, and you don't quite lick your dish clean and, you know, things happen.
Rachel:And he's like, well, have you turned any dogs recently? And he's like, since the Cuban missile crisis? And Nick ends up paying him. He gives him a $100 bill, and he's like, oh, yeah. There is another Karush around right now.
Rachel:He's a real badass motherfucker. He could've done it. I haven't bit I I'm not a I'm not fan of dogs. He's like, they're too bitey. They're too growly.
Rachel:Not a fan. More of a rat guy. And but that guy, you know, he likes dogs. And all I could hear was Brad Pitt from Snatch. He's like, you like bags?
Rachel:And this led me to the thought, if Screed does not completely drain a rat, are there vampire rats roaming above the subway?
Matt:And at the end of this episode, we find out that the vampire the nonhuman vampires can turn humans into vampires. So
Rachel:Is there a vampire rat
Matt:in this space? Something. There must be some well, okay. I I use the word must here. Yeah.
Matt:But it is in the the sense of for the world to exist as it does and this vampire mythology to be true, there must be to satisfy those two conditions, there must be some mechanism in action
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:That is tamping down on the rates of vampire animals.
Rachel:Maybe it's a level of, like, mental sophistication. Like, if a rat doesn't know not to go out in the sunlight.
Matt:Hold on. Okay. How how I have I have a suggestion.
Rachel:Okay.
Matt:We know, canon, that when you are getting turned into a vampire, you get the choice.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:Maybe most animals never choose to go back to become a vampire. Because the the the prospect of the afterlife is so much better.
Rachel:You know what I want?
Matt:Because they're not as conscious Yeah. As self conscious as humans and, like, the the parts of consciousness that make you adaptive and intelligent are the same mechanisms that make you susceptible to, like, bullshitting and, like, getting caught up in things.
Rachel:Fear of death.
Matt:And if
Rachel:You have to be sophisticated enough to fear death.
Matt:Right. If if Or no. You have to be in your mind. Are if other animals' consciousnesses are less adaptive and intelligent than humans, they're not as susceptible to getting caught up in the the hedonistic
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:Pleasures that are actually detrimental to your existence. So when they get to the afterlife and they think, oh, I could go back and be a vampire, it's like, nah, And it wasn't great. I remember all of the bad things, and I can't delude myself about the prospect of being more powerful or whatever.
Rachel:Maybe there's a there's probably a cognitive threshold.
Matt:Yeah.
Rachel:Let's go with that because, otherwise, there'd be vampire mosquitoes in this mythology.
Matt:Oh, what?
Rachel:Immortal.
Matt:Vampire mosquitoes. Okay. So that would mean a vampire would have to drain a mosquito.
Rachel:No. Sometimes they just have to have enough vampire blood. Because remember the ladies that were just getting injected with vampire blood, and it was
Matt:slowly turning them into vampires? Yeah. Yeah. But maybe insect biology is different enough from human biology. Their blood's different.
Rachel:You know what I want? Just to derail us from this conversation a little bit because we're definitely spiraling here. I want a Rescuers Down Under meets Forever Night Kids Show, where it's a bunch of little rat, like, mice.
Matt:Vampire mice.
Rachel:And one of them is a vampire mouse.
Matt:Vampire mouse detective.
Rachel:Vampire mouse detective who's seeking who's just trying to be a good guy, and he's a little mouse detective.
Matt:And he has to have curly blonde hair.
Rachel:Yeah. Like the like rescuers down under, so we can interact with a whole bunch of other species. And yeah, and nobody knows he's a vampire, and he's trying to just live his life. But everybody he knows dies in, like, 2 years. He has to move on every 30 days.
Matt:I like it.
Rachel:That could be a really cute kids show. Right? We could learn about, redemption and trying to be a good person. I feel like there you can work in a lot of good, you know, kid moral lessons because every child show must have a moral lesson.
Matt:Of course.
Rachel:So that's it. I think that's what let's if we can't get forever night rebooted, maybe we should focus on a what would we call it?
Matt:Is there a pun on knight and mouse, like rodent, Or do we keep the knight in the name and make it a pun on something else?
Rachel:Well, yeah. I don't know. I don't know. That's a good thing. You know what?
Rachel:If you have an idea, tell me. I wanna know. What would be a good title for a vampire detective vampire mouse detective kids television show. I was trying to think of, like, Kojak the night stalker. Could I make a joke on that?
Rachel:Sorry. I was spiraling on all of the titles of weird seventies to nineties vampire slash supernatural at night shows. I'm a think it through. I'm a think it through.
Matt:Okay. I have one more thing about
Rachel:Okay.
Matt:Vampire mythology in this episode
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:Pertaining to animal vampires. Okay. So we know that for human vampires, if their first meal, their first meal of blood Yeah. Is not a human, then they will not, like, hunger for human blood. It's like any other blood is great.
Matt:Yeah. But humans, I don't really like it. So just from the one sample of 1 species sample of humans, does that is the mechanism, like, if I if my first meal is the blood of my own species, then that, like, codes me to hunger for the blood of my own species. Yeah. And other species' blood is ew.
Rachel:Uh-huh.
Matt:So then when a dog gets turned into a vampire, if their first meal of blood is not a dog, then any other blood is great. I don't really hunger after the blood of dogs. So it's kind of like a cannibalism thing.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:So if we had left Perry, the dog, to his own devices, like, the the natural, like, vampiric hunger would be for the blood of your own species. Yeah. But then if you subvert that by drinking blood from another species
Rachel:Is he the dog version of a Karouche?
Matt:Is he the dog version of a Karouche? Because now he he can literally drink any blood that's not a dog. Because, otherwise, it would be problematic because then
Rachel:Maybe he's
Matt:just the only
Rachel:one squirrel.
Matt:Was first meal was the rapist guy.
Rachel:Well, that that's the only one we saw, but he was off leash. He got turned into a vampire. If it happened immediately, he could have run off and gotten a squirrel.
Matt:He yes. He I guess he could have run off and gotten a squirrel before he went back to Jody that first night.
Rachel:Yeah. But because he goes a long time without eating.
Matt:He does. Mhmm.
Rachel:So he had to have gotten something in the middle of it.
Matt:But, historically, the vampire transformation takes a while.
Rachel:Yeah. But they're dead for the for the duration of the transformation. Once they wake up, they're a vampire.
Matt:Except for, Richard, Natalie's brother.
Rachel:Yeah. Well
Matt:He was alive for a while.
Rachel:He was really, really injured. It took a while for his body to repair. So Maybe it took him a long time to make the choice.
Matt:But you're only making the choice, like, while you're in that time period of time where you're dead.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:Right?
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:So yeah. I guess and but we don't see vampire eyes until vampire dog eyes
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:Until later. So, in my head, what happened is
Rachel:make it consistent. Are you trying to make Forever Knight consistent right now?
Matt:I can do it.
Rachel:Okay.
Matt:This is a The labor get outrageous.
Rachel:This is a labor of Hercules. I'm here to see how you handle this.
Matt:Or maybe this is, like, in the Dresden files. Uh-huh. When Bob and Harry are talking about magical theory, whatever, Bob mentioned something like, oh, I have to I'm gonna need some time to figure out what's going on because the laws of magic change over time.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:So that the the mechanisms of how magic physics works are different if there's a long enough time difference. And so maybe, in this case, the rules of vampire mythology shift over time.
Rachel:Mhmm.
Matt:They evolve over time.
Rachel:It could also be person specific.
Matt:Yeah. Yeah. There could be a lot of subjectivity to the to the application of the Yeah. The vampire mechanisms. Okay.
Rachel:You feel better now?
Matt:Oh, yeah. I got I got it. I think we we put a lot down there.
Rachel:Yeah. We did. We put a lot on the table just now, but we're back to Screed. And the one thing I like about Screed I like a lot of things about Screed. He's such an interesting character for them to add, and I just love that somebody was like, what about a cockney dude that just lives in the sewers of Toronto?
Rachel:And they were like, yeah. So fucking yeah. Genius. Genius.
Matt:So he has this man of promotion.
Rachel:He has all this rambly dialogue, which is, for the most part, unintelligible. But it does allow, the writers, probably, to sneak in or maybe this actor, I don't know, to sneak in a lot of insults to Nick, like self meta insults. Because at one point, while he's rambling, he calls him defective knight. Yes. And then he calls him Dicky Nick.
Matt:Which I heard that, and I thought, okay, that could that that's kinda catchy.
Rachel:Yeah. It's good. At first glance, you're like, oh, god. This is like nails on a chalkboard. And then if you actually listen to what he's saying, he's like, okay.
Rachel:He's pretty funny. He's actually a intelligently written character with
Matt:He's a wicked
Rachel:character. Unintelligible dialogue.
Matt:Yes.
Rachel:Yeah. But he promises to kill the dog. He's like, I'll I'll hack off its cabeza, its head, cabeza, or I'll stake it or whatever. He's like, don't worry. I'll find it.
Rachel:I'll take care of it, which he absolutely does not because we don't even ever see him again. He must just take this money and impale. He doesn't do anything.
Matt:Well, Nick ends up running into the dog first.
Rachel:Yeah. I guess. Because he goes to dispatch to see Jody. They go to dispatch, Tracy and Nick, because Tracy's like, I think I have a really good idea of who the dog is because I know this lady who's in dispatch, and I just talked to this bus driver, and the facts all match. I'm pretty sure it's Jody.
Rachel:Let's go talk to her. And as soon as they walk into the room, Nick senses another vampire. So he's, like, looking around trying to find the other vampire. And so he's making uncomfortable eye contact with everybody. So this tall, blonde dude just stalks into the room and starts staring everybody down.
Matt:Uncut yeah. Like, weird.
Rachel:Yeah. Weirdly. And Tracy walks around. She's like, Jodie. Oh my god.
Rachel:Hi. And Jodie's like, oh, Tracy. That's weird. You haven't responded to my texts in, like, 2 years. I really wasn't expecting to see you here today.
Rachel:Tracy's like, oh, yeah. Sorry. But Jody is actually quite, diplomatic about it. She's better about it than I would be because she's like, oh, Nick, this is my friend Jody, and Jody's like, yeah. Tracy and I were sorority sisters.
Rachel:We were best friends for life once, a long time ago. Not anymore. Just kidding. And, Tracy tells Nick that Jody used to be a helicopter pilot. And Jody's like, yeah.
Rachel:They grounded me. You know, I guess being blind disqualified me from being a helicopter pilot. Weirdest thing.
Matt:Totally reasonable.
Rachel:But Tracy's dad got me this job. So at least I still get to talk to the people who are flying the helicopters. Womp womp. And then, Perry comes around because she's like, oh, this is my dog, Perry. Perry, say hi to everybody.
Rachel:And Nick and Perry vibe.
Matt:So we keep when Nick walks into the room, we keep, like, focusing on Nick intently.
Rachel:In the background, like, something's happening. We get the weird rouge rushing sound that happens when Nick is sensing something. The
Matt:Yes. So we keep focusing on Nick's face, and then we focus on this police officer. But we're not resolving the the, like, the tension. Like
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:The visual, like, musical chord.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:We we get the start of it from Nick and then no response. Start of it from Nick, no response. And then we get the start of it from Nick, eye contact with the dog, and the dog like, the sound goes away, and we can, like, zoom in and the color saturation is slightly different
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:Because he's using his vampire senses. And he's like, oh, that's the vampire.
Rachel:Isn't he flash his red eyes at Nick? Because you were like, oh, they just did CG red on the dog's eyes. Because you were trying you asked me if they put actual contacts in the dog's eyes, and I said, no. Thank god. At least we drew the line.
Matt:Sure they had, like, an animal cruelty consultant.
Rachel:They you must have, because we couldn't even put the dog up on, like, a 10 foot wall.
Matt:Yeah.
Rachel:But Nick and Perry vibe for a minute, and Nick's like, oh shit. I found
Matt:the bear with me now.
Rachel:So he leans over and he, like, searches in his fur, and he finds these 2 vampire bites, there's, like, 2 puncture marks in in Perry's fur, and he's like, no. He really did get bit by a vampire. Then we go to the flashback. Because Nick is just out in the woods living his life. He's got a dog.
Rachel:Life is good, and Lacroix must just must burn it all to the ground. So Lacroix shows up and he's like, Nicholas, I don't like to see you living out here like this. It's freaking me out. You need to come into town. And Nick's like, I really like the challenge of living off the land.
Rachel:I'm really enjoying being out here. I like the solitude, Lacroix.
Matt:Take the hint.
Rachel:Take the fucking hint. And Lacroix is like, does the dog love you? Do you think the dog loves you? The dog doesn't love you. It's a pack animal.
Rachel:It's bonded to you like you're part of its pack. It's just instinct. It doesn't actually love you. So canonically It would
Matt:it would, you know, bond with any master.
Rachel:So canonically, Laquaza cat person.
Matt:Yeah. Absolutely.
Rachel:Because he's like, fuck that dog. It doesn't actually love you. It's just a facsimile of love. And Nick goes, he's my friend, which is his first mistake because LaCroix was like, whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop. Weakness alert.
Rachel:Weakness alert. And he says dogs are for breakfast and then only in the hardest of times. God, could you fucking leave him his dog? You can't let the man have his dog? Is it a compulsion?
Rachel:Because if you want Nick to like you, you've got to consent you've got to con give a little bit of concession here. Let him have a dog. He's gonna have the dog for, what, 10 years, an eye blink?
Matt:Right.
Rachel:Can you leave it be? Plus, the dog is eating raw meat from animals and there's no deworming. This dog isn't even gonna be around for 10 years. Calm the fuck down. But we come back and Nick is like, can I give you a ride home, Jody?
Rachel:And Jody's like, well, yeah. That'd be really nice, Nick. Thanks. You sound hot. And so then they are getting out of his car and he's walking her up to her door, and he goes, multiple sclerosis caused your blindness.
Rachel:And Gerwin Davies struggles with the word sclerosis. In fact, I rewound it three times, and I think it's because he purrs his r's.
Matt:Right. He does the trill on his r's.
Rachel:All of his r's have this slight vibrato. He kind of purrs on the r. It must be like a Shakespearean trained thing where you to project your r, where you elevate it with this
Matt:Yeah. Endunciate it.
Rachel:So he's trying to say multiple sclerosis and per his r, and it comes out like multiples. It just doesn't really quite get it out. But it he she kind of explains, yeah. It's my blindness. You know, MS manifests differently for everybody.
Rachel:For some people, it just attacks this. Other people, it attacks that. Mine's, you know, rapid and degenerative, and it may be blind.
Matt:Progressive. Yeah. Which means it's just gonna keep getting worse.
Rachel:Yeah. And I don't really go into remission, you know, a whole lot of stuff. And Nick is like, oh, that's that's really hard, but probably the hardest part is losing your friends, isn't it? And Jodie's like, yeah. I mean, I get it.
Rachel:It's hard to be around me. I make them feel their own mortality. I make them realize that this could be them too. But luckily, I've got Perry. Perry is all I have.
Rachel:Perry keeps me going. Perry is my boyfriend. Perry is the only thing in this world that I love. I would die for Perry. Perry is the best.
Rachel:And Nick is like, oh, God. And she invites him in for coffee. She's like, you wanna come in? You're gonna have some coffee. And he, like, looks over and the sun is rising behind Toronto, and he's like, I can't.
Rachel:You know what? Rain check. How about I pick you up tomorrow? And I'll take you in.
Matt:That he he deflects this pretty well. He's like, we both work the night shift. It's it's the end of our our day. It's the end of our waking period. We need sleep, and coffee, like caffeine, would be detrimental to that.
Matt:Yeah. So how about tomorrow?
Rachel:I'll pick
Matt:you up. Yeah.
Rachel:And I'll bring Perry some food, something special just for him. And she's like, oh, you're so sweet. And she gives him a peck on the cheek. And for once, he resists the urge to just This
Matt:this is why she survives because she does not become the love interest.
Rachel:Ah, of Nick. Right.
Matt:Right. I was I've been saving that.
Rachel:Oh, okay.
Matt:As as my analysis of this episode, why she survives.
Rachel:Yeah. So so Nat, Natalie and Nick are talking on the phone after this because he apparently called Natalie to get the tea on Jody. And Natalie called Jody's doctor
Matt:And got all of the details.
Rachel:Got all of the details about Jody's MS.
Matt:Maybe they don't have HIPAA in Canada.
Rachel:Or HIPAA works differently.
Matt:Yeah.
Rachel:Maybe another person that's been here for a user. And so then Natalie immediately breaks confidence by calling Nick and being like, yep. She's got MS. It's attacking her brain stem. She has very few remissions or at least they're very few and and far in between.
Rachel:And, yeah, shit's not looking great. And Nick's like, oh, okay. Wow. Yeah. Great.
Rachel:Thanks. He's like, is it is it fatal? And she's like, well, kinda depends on the MS.
Matt:But Jody's MS. Yeah.
Rachel:Yeah. But yeah. Oh, yeah.
Matt:She will die. Yep.
Rachel:And then we come back, and they're talking about the dog. And is it Nick who says that oh, Natalie says the dog's a problem. She's like, the dog's a problem,
Matt:Nick. Oh, Nick says problem.
Rachel:And he goes Yeah.
Matt:The dog's a problem, but it's my problem.
Rachel:He goes, like it or not, it's my problem. I'm gonna get this fixed. Because who else is gonna take care of the vampire dog? He could've I don't know. Because Tracy knows about vampires, but maybe that's too deep.
Matt:But Nick doesn't Tracy doesn't know that Nick is a vampire.
Rachel:Yeah. It's a tangled web.
Matt:Doesn't know the dog is a vampire.
Rachel:It's a tangled web. Yeah. Yeah. And so we go back to the flashback because Nick is remembering when this has happened to him before. And he's calling for Raleigh, but the dog doesn't come because Lacroix has him on a leash.
Rachel:God. You think Lacroix has something better to do? Do you not have anything better to do? Because he takes him over to a bush, and he's like, Karouche.
Matt:Karouche, I'm out.
Rachel:I'm pretty sure if you just walk up to a bush and go Karush.
Matt:They all live in the woods because that's where the animals are.
Rachel:Do they growl and start shaking the bush? Because that's what happens. We don't see the other Carouche ever. The Carouche just starts growling and the bush starts shaking.
Matt:They didn't wanna do one more vampire makeup.
Rachel:I don't know. Because LaCroix is like, here, I brought you a special treat, but could you do me a solid? Kill it, but don't kill it all
Matt:the way. Life in it.
Rachel:Leave some life. Bring it back, so that I can have some fun with it. I am not going to lower myself to turn this dog into a vampire, but you turn this dog into a vampire, and I shall use it to fuck with Nicholas. And Lacroes is like, okay. That's fine.
Rachel:I guess. We don't know. It doesn't converse. It doesn't pop out. It literally just shakes the bush.
Rachel:It's like summoning the fey. Every bush has a karush. You just have to know how to call it out, and apparently, Lacroix does. And so we go back to the present, and Nick is going through his box of things from that time he lived in the woods in the Baskervilles, but didn't have a British accent.
Matt:Okay.
Rachel:And he pulls out his machete. Where does he store all this stuff? Does he have a storage unit? Because he he lives in one big open room that has only 1 bedroom and 1 bathroom.
Matt:There is a closet.
Rachel:Must be a big fucking closet.
Matt:It's not. We we see it. There's, like, the the balcony and a bridge thing.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:And then at the far end, there's, like, a room on the first floor Yeah. Underneath the balcony.
Rachel:Oh, yeah.
Matt:And that's the closet. I think we we saw it at the beginning of season 2.
Rachel:Loovered doors.
Matt:Yeah. And it had, like, pictures leaned up against it.
Rachel:Yeah. It's got loovered doors because it's right next to the kitchen.
Matt:Yeah.
Rachel:Anyway, he pulls his machete out because apparently, he kept his machete from that time.
Matt:Maybe he has a different room in this building. Like, maybe the
Rachel:He could own the whole warehouse.
Matt:He could, and maybe the next floor down is storage.
Rachel:Yeah. He just lives in part of it, and the rest of it is just his shit because he's a vampire hoarder because he kept this machete. And it always reminds me of there's a really good movie, and maybe someday we'll cover it on Strange and Beautiful Book Club, but it's called The Man From Earth. And it's a elevator movie where we just have a cast and they're in a room and they're having a discussion about what it would actually be like to meet somebody who, in this case, is 10000 years old. Right.
Rachel:So the main character is just he's a from the neolithic period. He's, like, pre metal technology.
Matt:This dialogue is the entire movie.
Rachel:And the dialogue's the entire and so they ask him, do you have anything from that time? Like, what what do you have? Did you keep stuff? And he picks up a Sharpie, and he's like, would you keep it? Would you store this and save it?
Rachel:Right.
Matt:This is just a mundane tool
Rachel:It's just a tool.
Matt:Of your time period.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:You throw it away when you're done with it.
Rachel:Yeah. He's like, no. I didn't keep it. Why would I have kept it? It would have been as meaningless to me as this Sharpie.
Rachel:And I was remind it reminds me of that when we have these characters that have stored all of this stuff, it's just a machete. Is it a special machete? Was it gifted by somebody? Is it engraved? It's probably engraved.
Rachel:Everything he owns is engraved. So then we cut to him giving the dog blood. He's got a little flask, and he's pouring blood into this dog bowl for for Perry. And he puts the dog bowl on the ground and Perry's like, oh, thank you. So she walks in, Jody walks in, and she hears the dog eating, and she's like, oh, good luck.
Rachel:He's super picky. And then she hears
Matt:the eating. And she's
Rachel:like, oh, you have the magic touch, and he's like, I just knew what he wanted.
Matt:Yep. Sure.
Rachel:And then we cut to Tracy, and Tracy's trying to make amends, I guess, because she's got this dog bone, and she's putting a bow on it. But I don't know if this is for her for Jody or if it's for her nephew, because Nick asks if she got the whole Sharpay thing sorted. And she's like, yeah. I talked him into a dog from the pound. It doesn't have a tail, so it had a discount.
Rachel:Hi. Hey. Took some coaxing, but I talked them into a mutt from the pound. No tail. Big discount.
Matt:Congratulations. Now do you feel better? Okay. And maybe police officers don't make enough money? I don't know if this is a commentary on her just not wanting to spend the money.
Rachel:I support this mini plug of don't buy purebred dogs. Adopt, never shop.
Matt:Absolutely.
Rachel:So, hey, adopt, never shop. Thanks, Tracy. Excellent choice to talk them into that.
Matt:Yep.
Rachel:But Nick Nick gives a little mini pep talk to Tracy here. He's like, you know, I have I have friends like you where I haven't talked to them in a hunt a a really long time. People drift apart, go their own way.
Matt:Well, it doesn't have to be that way. I've had friends I haven't seen in a 100 in years, and, you know, sometimes you can pick up where he left off.
Rachel:He almost slips up. It must be hard because she knows. So he's right on that bitter edge of being able to be himself with her, but at the same time, he can't because she doesn't know. He specifically is a vampire, and he's trying to protect her by not telling her
Matt:Right. The knowledge is only one way. He knows that she knows but about vampires. Yeah. But she doesn't know that he knows about vampires.
Rachel:So he's just so close to being able to live his life as who he is, but also get to do what he wants.
Matt:Yeah.
Rachel:And yet he can't. And so he almost says, I've had friends I haven't talked to for a 100 years, but he backs up, and he's like, for a long time. But, you know, you can still pick up where you left off. There's no shame in going and talking to her
Matt:and raising everything here. Than doing nothing.
Rachel:And she's like, I just don't know. I don't know what to do. Like, I don't know how to talk to her. And he's like, go and tell her that. Yeah.
Matt:That what you're telling me right now is what you should be telling her.
Rachel:Like, my advice is just to try. That's good advice, actually. Yeah. Just go and try to be with them.
Matt:Yep.
Rachel:They are she's still Jody. She's just Jody with a little bit of extra spice. Just go talk to Jody. Okay? And this is when we cut to Jody, because Jody's in the dispatch room again, and this guy trips and spills his hot coffee all over her.
Rachel:And Perry flips his shit, because we've already kind of skirted up with Jody about, like, if it's Perry, you won't get to keep him. He literally brutally murdered somebody. And she's like, but he's such a nice dog. He's my best friend. And they're like, well, we're not gonna do anything until we have proof that it's Perry, because right now, it's all circumstantial.
Matt:Perry's behaving himself.
Rachel:Yeah. Because Perry's behaving himself. But then Perry flips his shit and attacks this guy. And we cut kind of for forward in the future a little bit, and they're patching this guy up. And Perry's looking really contrite sitting next to Jody, And Nick is like, Perry, you done fucked up, because he's standing right there.
Rachel:And then we go back to the flashback, and Nick is following this trail of bodies, and he encounters this gentleman, this British gentleman, who's looking for a beast, who's been roaming around this area. People say it's like a hellhound because it's killed people in the village. It's killed people here. And he's like, good to meet you, sir. I'm sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
Matt:Good god. That would be number 4 then. I suppose you've come about the reward. Constable's put up a fancy sum for whomever brings the beast in. You're not a local, are you?
Matt:No. I'm not necessarily into the gold either. I've come down from Southern Don C. Can't resist the pull of a ripping good mystery. The name's Doyle, Arthur Conan Doyle.
Matt:And you? You best be on your way back, mister Doyle.
Rachel:And next slide
Matt:he is.
Rachel:Of course.
Matt:Sure. He goes to night, is the I guess, Nicolas de Breville.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:Is the inspiration for The Hounds of Baskerville.
Rachel:And Raleigh, the dog.
Matt:And Raleigh, the dog.
Rachel:Yeah. Raleigh, the dog, and Nick, are wise, sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote The Hounds of the Baskervilles. You're welcome. Arthur Conan Doyle says he can't resist a ripping good mystery. Person.
Rachel:Sick, and he tells him tells her that he's not the same Perry he used to be. That's real rich, Nick. Are you not the same Nick you used to be? You don't think this dog should have the shot at redemption? Oh, okay.
Rachel:You get to try to redeem yourself, but not Perry. You also get to make mistakes and murder, like, 17 people in the 1st season, but Perry can't even bite 1 guy. Okay. Fine. But he does tell her, I'll take care of it.
Rachel:I'll take care of it personally. Like, I'll be the one who takes who takes Perry.
Matt:Right.
Rachel:And so he tries to get Perry. He, like, leans over, and he's like, come on, Perry. Get up. And Perry's like, fuck you, and I'm not gonna get up. And then they make Jodie help them.
Matt:This is
Rachel:cruel. I mean, what? We do have a mini flashback in the middle here where Lacroix comes and he's goading Nick because Nick is sharpening a stake to kill his own dog because Lacroix couldn't fucking leave him alone, and he had to turn his dog into a vampire just to just to fuck with him. This feels like a holdover from season 2 Lacroix, and I'm just not here for it. If we had just had this dog get accidentally turned into a vampire, I would like this flashback a lot more.
Rachel:But having LaCroix just show up to be to literally be jealous of this dog's friendship with with Nick feels very, like, seriously? I really feel like this would be beneath Lacroix. He'd be like, have the dog. It's fine. Whatever.
Matt:Yeah. Especially the more refined LaCroix.
Rachel:Yeah. That that we're we're moving towards. It feels like a throwback. But Nick does toss the steak at him because LaCroix just won't shut up. So he turns around and, like, javelins the steak at him, and it goes right by Lacroix's head.
Rachel:And he goes, well, you'll have to be a better shot than that if you wanna kill the dog. You're never gonna kill me. I'm not even worried. Although he did do it once, but not yet.
Matt:He thought.
Rachel:Yeah. So he's out hunting the dog, and he hears someone getting attacked. And he runs to where they're getting attacked, and it's sir Arthur Conan Doyle again. And so he, like, breaks up the fight, and he grabs sir Arthur. Oh, it's just Arthur Conan Doyle right now, I guess.
Rachel:He just grabs Arthur, and he's like, never come back to the Baskervilles.
Matt:Bum bum bum. And then he tells Raleigh to sit.
Rachel:And then he says Raleigh sit, And so the dog sits like, look here. What are you gonna do? We're gonna do next. Hi, dad. Hey, buddy.
Rachel:Hey, buddy. But this is when they make her tell him off. They make her, like
Matt:Yeah. Let him
Rachel:At first, I thought they were gonna make her escort the dog.
Matt:That's what I thought too.
Rachel:And then she's just like, dog, I hate you. You're not a good dog, Perry. I I renounce our friendship. You need to leave. And Perry's like, oh, I was just trying to make you feel better.
Matt:I'm just protecting you.
Rachel:I'm so sorry. And so this is when Nick leads him off, and he leans over and puts a leash on Perry. And that was like, oh god. I thought that was gonna be handcuffs. Just I mean, this dog just it brutally murdered somebody, and then it attacked a police officer in the precinct.
Rachel:And they just let Nick put a leash on it and walk it out the front door.
Matt:Nick.
Rachel:No muzzle. No animal control.
Matt:There are so many situations where, like, normal protocol would be completely different.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:But then Nick is just like, no, I'm gonna take care of it.
Rachel:I got it.
Matt:And head canon is Nick is just, like, hypno ing everybody.
Rachel:Yeah. At some point, he hypnotized everybody to be like, if I just tell you I'm going to take care of it, that's a code word.
Matt:Yeah.
Rachel:And you will allow me to do whatever I want to after I say those words.
Matt:Yeah.
Rachel:Yeah. Because that's what it feels like. There's absolutely no way
Matt:Animal control should be showing up with a muzzle.
Rachel:Yeah. They would have cleared the room.
Matt:Mhmm.
Rachel:And then animal control shows up, continues
Matt:to have the, like, control collar, like, on a Yeah. On a pole.
Rachel:Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of things that would have happened here that are not happening here. This dog legit almost ate a dude. Like, murdered him.
Matt:Drank a dude.
Rachel:Yeah. And then attacked this guy. Anyway, it doesn't exist.
Matt:Apparently, he didn't, like, drink this guy because He doesn't turn into a vampire? We don't address this guy turning into a vampire. Correct. So he just, like, wounded the guy to warn him off Yeah. Because he thought this guy was attacking Jodie.
Matt:But yeah. Anyway
Rachel:it does give Tracy and Jodie a chance to make up, because Tracy takes Jodie home, and she makes her tea with a dollop of scotch in it.
Matt:And there's the conversation that Nick told
Rachel:me to have. She's like, look. I'm so sorry. You know, it just scared me to see you like that, and I handled it poorly, and I'm really sorry. And that's exactly what she should be saying.
Rachel:I'm so glad that she's honest about why she ghosted her, and they don't make it into a joke. I mean, this episode does a lot of things really badly, but that's that's a good lesson. You know? Just being honest about, like, why she wasn't around and why she, let their friendship lapse when she should have been trying to make it stronger, and she should have been there for her, and she's sorry. And Jody's like, I know.
Rachel:I get it. Like, I understand why. And it's not great, but, like, I get why you did it. When you look at me, you see something dying, and that's hard to look at. And, like, fair.
Rachel:All fair. And then she takes a sip of her tea, and she's like, woah. You never did know how to mix a drink. She goes lesson number 1, scotch only mixes with water and only in an emergency. And Tracy's like, how about I pick you up tomorrow and we could go get some breakfast?
Rachel:And Jody's like, I would really like that. I would really like to spend some time with you. And then we cut to Nick, and Nick has this dog in, like, a park, And he's got his machete, and he's sharpening a stake out in the field or wherever they
Matt:are. Right. And he's got this heavy chain.
Rachel:Yeah. He's got very heavily chained to this tree. And, he's got this giant he's got a sword. It's not even just a machete. It's a huge ass machete.
Rachel:Right. I feel like beheading a dog, as brutal as that sounds, is the lower hanging fruit of how to dispatch
Matt:a vampire
Rachel:dog. Yeah. Because otherwise, you have to kinda how do you find a dog's heart? It's like a it would be so much easier to just take the machete and be done with it. But he's, you know, belaboring it.
Rachel:Maybe he's taking the long way around because he don't wanna do it.
Matt:Yeah.
Rachel:So he's taking time to sharpen this thing.
Matt:He's procrastinating.
Rachel:And we go to the flashback of when he had to do this to his dog, to Raleigh. And of all the low down dirty bullshit that Lacroix has ever done to Nick, making Nick kill his own dog is really far up the list. Yeah. It's so far up the list. Right up there with tracking down and turning a little boy into a vampire just to teach LaCroix, just to teach Nick a lesson and give Jeanette a gift all wrapped into one.
Rachel:Because we see him take the steak, and then we see the dog, and then we hear, like, a white whimpering sound, and then the chain goes slack.
Matt:I'm sorry, my friend. Yeah.
Rachel:Implying that Nick had to kill his own dog.
Matt:And did.
Rachel:And did. That's some bullshit. That's that's low even for Lacroix. I mean, I get breaking him up. You know, maybe just take the dog and get it adopted somewhere else.
Rachel:Don't I don't know. That's just the quibble. Because we come back because
Matt:you could just steal the dog.
Rachel:Yeah. He did steal the dog.
Matt:He stole the dog,
Rachel:and he gave it to a bush. And then he brought it back, and it was a vampire. And then he let it wreak havoc, and then he made he made Nick have to do it's just it's just I don't know. That's bullshit. But then Nick is still standing there remembering this because he's about to have to do it again.
Rachel:And it's sad and it's horrible, and it's probably right up there with, like, the worst things that he's ever had to do. Clearly, it burned itself into his memory because this brought it all back for him. But I have to think about the chain of custody for the dog at this point because he walked out with the dog, and then he
Matt:just disappeared with the dog. Animal control procedure.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:There'd be a muzzle, and there'd be a, you know, chain of custody.
Rachel:Yeah. But we don't have to contemplate that for very long because Perry escapes. He breaks the chain and he flies off. And he and Nick get to chase each other across town. And just a visual, if you could just imagine the dog, however you want
Matt:the dog Like fully stretched out.
Rachel:However you want the dog to
Matt:be like. Full flight position.
Rachel:Full flight position. Just pushing off and the neck
Matt:pew after him
Rachel:over the top of the buildings of Toronto. And then sometimes on the ground too where we get the little
Matt:dog Between the trees?
Rachel:The vampire speed dog point of view camera where it's rushing through the grass.
Matt:Which really needed, like, a snout fixed to the bottom of the camera.
Rachel:The Beggin' Strips commercials where it's like, you just use things out. But he ends up, like, subduing Nick and flying off, and the dog goes straight to Jody and comes in the house. And Jody's like, Perry, have you come back to me? And Perry is just growling. And she's just like, oh my god, Perry.
Rachel:I'm so happy to see you. Come here, Perry. Come here. And then she's like, but I can't keep you, Perry. You know that.
Rachel:I have to send you back. And so she's getting ready to make a phone call. And this is when Nick And
Matt:he lunges.
Rachel:Nick, like, whoosh is over the fence. We see him, like, land over the fence. And he hears Jodie scream. And he gets in the house just in time to see Perry sitting next to Jodie prone on the couch with 2 little holes. Which Hit her day.
Matt:It's I think this is some of the best vampire bite makeup. Yeah. That we've ever seen.
Rachel:Right. For a human.
Matt:For a human bite pattern.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:But for a dog vampire bite pattern, it wouldn't look like this. Like, you you really tried.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:Somebody really tried. Anyway, Nick walks in the room, and then Jodie sits up, and she's full vamped out.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:Wow. The fastest vampire transformation, like, ever.
Rachel:The best part the best part of this scene is she goes, good boy.
Matt:Right. Because, as she's sitting up and Nick is walking into the room Yeah. Her vision goes from, like, vampire vision, night vision
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:And fades into, like, normal
Rachel:Yeah. So she visible spectrum. Because the dog kissed her. The dog cured her. MS.
Rachel:Good boy.
Matt:Good boy.
Rachel:I really, really, really I I need to work on some more merchandise. I don't know if you guys are looking for a Christmas gift. Did you know we have merchandise? We have merchandise. If you go to strangeandbeautiful.club, there's a link to it.
Rachel:But I really want to make a vampire dog 5 k, like m s 1, and then have an actual organized event where you can do a remote 5 k.
Matt:Yeah. Have a vampire dog 5 k.
Rachel:Yeah. And actually donate
Matt:Support of MS.
Rachel:Just donate money to some MS just to, like, the same reason I felt like we should donate to some charities for the last episode. Same for this one. Just to kind of, like, I am so sorry I watched that and enjoyed it.
Matt:To soothe our conscience.
Rachel:Yes. I think it'd be really cute. Maybe I'll get the same lady who did the hunk in the trunk and get, like, a little Kauai vampire dog. Vampire dog. And then we come back to the precinct because we're doing, like, a little bit of a wrap up.
Rachel:And Tracy's like, I can't believe she's gone because Jody called in, quit without any notice.
Matt:They were supposed to go for breakfast.
Rachel:Yeah. And she just disappeared. And she's kinda like you, Tracy. And she said she's going to visit some family in another part of Canada, and she's never coming back. And Reese is like, well, I guess it's because it was hard to lose her dog, and we did lose her dog.
Rachel:Right, Nick? You took him to animal control, and Nick's like, yep. I totally took him to animal control, and Natalie gives him a look. And he goes, what? I did.
Matt:Because he's smiling the whole time.
Rachel:Because what?
Matt:And Natalie knows that long.
Rachel:Oh my god. Natalie smells his bullshit. Her bullshit radar for him must be so finely tuned, because she knows immediately when he's lying, and he is lying his ass off, which means he didn't tell her that Harry turned Jodie into a vampire and they flew off into the night together. Because then we go and see Jodie and Perry, and they're standing on this hill overlooking the city, and they're both in vampire mode. Perry's eyes are glowing red, and Jody's eyes are green, and she has fangs.
Rachel:And they, like, look at each other, and then she flies off, And Perry follows where she's gone, and then he flies off too. And so they fly off together. And I imagine it's like the scene in Wally when Eve and Wall E are dancing outside the
Matt:Oh, yeah. They're spiraling around
Rachel:each other. They're spiraling around each other.
Matt:They're dancing in space.
Rachel:Yeah. Oh my god. So there, Matt, you survived both the Native American mysticism and vampire dog back to back.
Matt:Alright.
Rachel:We did it. I just I don't know. You know, I know the nineties is a wild time. I know they didn't get the kind of money for writing. You know, we weren't actually paying writers, so there was no incentive to be like the best and we didn't get a lot of money for production.
Rachel:And there wasn't the expectation of quality for television that there is now, but I have to imagine that even then, you would have sat through this. Remember our scenario from the very beginning. You're that guy that hasn't seen any any forever night. You're watching it for the first time. You just sat through this episode, and you're probably sitting there going, what the actual fuck?
Matt:Oh, yeah.
Rachel:You I remember feeling like, oh, damn. That was a bad episode, and now I have to wait a whole week to see if the next episode's better. Every time one of these popped up, it always felt like, I waited all week
Matt:for that. Waste.
Rachel:I waited all week for that. It's not a bad episode. It's an unintentionally funny episode. Yeah. Even Vashon couldn't be bothered to be a part of this.
Rachel:Maybe he's never owned a dog. He seems like a cat person too, but that makes sense why Lacroix is willing to keep oh, oh, oh, something just occurred to me. LaCroix treats Nick like a cat owner treats a cat. Like, oh, you've attacked me and scratched me? I still love you, my little fluffy buddy.
Matt:Or LaCroix wants Nick to, like, be his pet dog.
Rachel:No. No. No. No. Treat him
Matt:the way a dog would treat.
Rachel:No. No. He treats him like a cat. Because you know, like, when your cat's been hiding for 6 hours and you're like, where'd a kitty go? And then you go to
Matt:find him. You just check-in once in a while.
Rachel:And then as soon as you find it, like, under the bed, just enjoying its life, you drag it out and carry it
Matt:around And snuggle it.
Rachel:And snuggle it even though it's like, put me down.
Matt:Think about What did they call it? Corporal cuddling?
Rachel:Corporal cuddling. Yeah. Think about the bullshit that cat owners will put up with from cats.
Matt:Right. You find your cat and then you just fuck with your cat.
Rachel:Yeah. Every time Nick yawns, the caustic
Matt:is in your mouth. Cats treat other cats? Yeah. They oh, hey, there you are. I'm just gonna fuck with you for a minute and then go on.
Rachel:LaCroix is speaking cat language to Nick, but Nick is not he's a golden retriever. So they're not talking the same language.
Matt:Personality. Yeah. Yeah. That's Yeah.
Rachel:Oh, that makes so much sense now. And Jeanette and Lacroix are both cats. Yep. So they get it. They can lay on the bed together and pretend neither one exists, but that's love.
Rachel:Well, Nick is bounding
Matt:around not speaking each other's love languages.
Rachel:They aren't, and they're not even capable of it.
Matt:Mhmm.
Rachel:Wow. That makes so much sense. Because you think how cats relate. They can just exist in the same space. That's just good enough.
Matt:The act of existing in the same space, pretending you don't exist Is love. Is an expression of trust and comfort. Right. But Nick needs, like, words of affirmation.
Rachel:Yeah. Quality time. Yeah. Or not quality time. He needs
Matt:And LaCroix needs acts of service.
Rachel:Yeah. LaCroix does need acts of service. He needs acts of service and, gifts.
Matt:Yep.
Rachel:Yeah. Maybe they just need to read that book together. Go to some couples therapy.
Matt:Mhmm.
Rachel:That would make a lot of sense. Now do you think that Nick is perceiving your actions as love, or do you think he's perceiving them as attempting to control him again, LaCroix? And then LaCroix eats the therapist. Question.
Matt:Oh, this would be a really good a really good plot in the vampire therapist Ah. Idea.
Rachel:Yes. That would be really good. Throw that in there. And then Lacroix wouldn't but it's Nick keeping Lacroix from eating the therapist the entire time. No.
Rachel:No. No. No. We just wipe their memory at the end. Ugh.
Rachel:Can I eat them this time? It's not like they'll
Matt:know. Mhmm.
Rachel:And then you bring Janette, and Janette just sits there. Or Janette, I imagine Janette goes to therapy. That'd be really funny. Janette in therapy. And then there was this one time my dad and my brother were fighting for a 150 years, and neither one of them ever called or sent me a letter or anything because they were so fucking involved with each other.
Rachel:They just forgot I existed for a century. You think Jeanette's fine, but really, she's probably the most deeply traumatized of all of them. She's had to watch LaCroix and Nick do this dance for 800 years.
Matt:Right.
Rachel:And she was the golden child for all of 200 years.
Matt:Yeah. I think there's a someone made a web comic where, Chris Griffin from,
Rachel:Family Guy?
Matt:Family Guy and Bart Simpson from The Simpsons are in couples therapy, and Bobby Hill from
Rachel:King of the Hill?
Matt:King of the Hill is the therapist.
Rachel:Oh my god.
Matt:It's like just huge commentary on just their personality types. Yeah. You could have that with, like, Nick and LaCroix.
Rachel:Yep. That'd be good. Well, we survived. And then it's, I wanna say it's all up from here, but it's a roller coaster as usual.
Matt:I I have, something I wanna ask about what we think Jodie's life is like now because they just go off. Yeah. Is does Jodie become a, a, quote, real vampire? Mhmm. Or does she become a Carouche?
Rachel:I don't know. Nick didn't have very much time with her.
Matt:Well, he would have had the whole evening.
Rachel:Did he give her a bottle of cow blood? Because then she'd be a baroque.
Matt:Did he give her, like, the whole rundown? Oh, welcome to vampire orientation. You are now a vampire. You cannot eat food or drink.
Rachel:Sense of an overhead projector.
Matt:Fetch my vis a vis.
Rachel:Fetch my vis a vis.
Matt:You can drink wine mixed with blood
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:Or straight blood.
Rachel:You know what would be really funny is if the dog was the dog vampire version of a Karouche, and so it only ate people. And then Jodie was the vampire version of a well, human vampire version of a Karouche, and so she only ate animals. And so the dog ate people, and Jodie ate animals.
Matt:This is why I mentioned the species specific nature of the Karouche. If Jodi is a Karouche, it means she can eat anything that's not a human.
Rachel:I mean, Skreak can eat people. It's just not his preferred Right.
Matt:I guess that's not what you hunger for. Right? You hunger for blood that is not human. And so if Perry is a Karouche, that means he hungers for blood that is not a dog.
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:It they could both eat cow
Rachel:Or squirrels.
Matt:Or squirrels or rats or whatever. So them both being a Karouche really gives them a huge overlap in blood supply. Yeah. So then Perry doesn't need to go for non dog blood, meaning human blood. He can go for non dog blood equal cow blood.
Matt:But then Jodie can also go for cow blood.
Rachel:Yeah. Can she see when she doesn't have the vampire eyes?
Matt:That's a good question.
Rachel:Because both times we see her seeing, it's because she's got the vampires. It would
Matt:be a good cover for her because they're both already used to living, according to their roles where the Perry is the seeing eye dog.
Rachel:Yeah. So
Matt:then if she if she unvamps herself and she's actually blind, then just Perry pretends to be her Does it seeing eye dog again.
Rachel:Does it make Perry more intelligent? Like, Perry really feels like he's understanding what is going on and what everyone's saying to him.
Matt:Right.
Rachel:But Perry cannot communicate, so should she get some of those buttons? So Meg is always trying to get me to get those buttons for Pippen and then over like, put the default voice as, like, LaCroix. Do your duty. Feed. And then she gets, yeah, some melodramatic vampire dog voice for the buttons.
Rachel:And so it's like, mother, I hunger.
Matt:Click. I imagine that Nick gave her like, educated her on welcome to your life as a vampire.
Rachel:Yeah. Yeah. No. I'm just talking about, like, they have eternity to spend together, but Perry can never talk to her.
Matt:Right.
Rachel:So it's a weird enmeshed relationship with a dog for all of eternity.
Matt:Yeah.
Rachel:Yeah. I don't know. Does a dog vampire get stronger as time goes on too? Like, eventually, he'll be unkillable.
Matt:Oh. Oh. Okay. So Yeah. The sire vampire and their progeny
Rachel:Yeah.
Matt:Have a psychic connection.
Rachel:Oh, god. Okay. Yep. I get where you're going.
Matt:That's how they communicate.
Rachel:Yes. They can they're psychically linked forever. She can feel the dog's emotions, and he can feel hers.
Matt:Yep.
Rachel:And if Lacroix is any indication, he might be able to even read her thoughts.
Matt:Right. It might even be the any limitation on the psychic connection could just be the the, like, extra self consciousness of, like, human consciousness. Yeah. It blocks a lot of it by default. But Perry would be like, no.
Matt:I'm sharing everything with you.
Rachel:I love you.
Matt:And so okay. So now in my head canon is that she can read Perry's thoughts because he fully opens the vampire psychic connection.
Rachel:There you go. That makes more sense. Because I was like, man, she's stuck forever with this creature, which would with with which she cannot fully communicate. But, nope, if they can read each other's thoughts
Matt:You're welcome.
Rachel:You're welcome. I don't know. That's weird. What about what if they break up later? Like, they just wanna spend some time alone.
Matt:Well, then they just put up the psychic wall.
Rachel:Yeah. But what does Perry do? I don't know. Perry has so much restraint. He's capable of turning someone into a vampire, which Jeanette has admitted previously she's not actually capable of doing reliably because she's too much the glutton, she says.
Matt:Mhmm.
Rachel:I miss Jeanette.
Matt:Ditto.
Rachel:I guess we'll just leave it here, because what more can we say? What more can we really explore?
Matt:Oh, do do you want more? I can No. I can keep going.
Rachel:I know you've
Matt:been I've been holding back.
Rachel:Have you really? No. Don't do that. We have an audience. That's what they're here for.
Rachel:It's our unhinged debates about just the most random bullshit that happens in forever night. I don't remember what next episode is. We're gonna find out.
Matt:It's episode 6, Rachel.
Rachel:Wow. Thank you. Oh, yes. My boyfriend is a vampire is next. Nick versus Forever Knight Universe of Jerry Springer.
Matt:What?
Rachel:Okay. I'm gonna leave it there. Until next time, friends.
Matt:Bye. Bye.