Ep 015: Social Media, Gen Z and The Impact of Screen Time on Our Children

We break down the perils of social media and screen time on young minds AND give you helpful alternatives. We also try to figure out the plural form of rhinoceros (please help us) and call for help for de-mystifying my dad's scary dreams (dream readers - email me!).  Last but not least - how my dad found out santa wasn't real (hint - it wasn't his older siblings) - so sad!

OH WAIT - The best part - we have our first MINI EPISODE.  This convo ended in about 20 minutes of my dad and I reminiscing on our martial arts training days...and comparing our education to other forms of martial arts.  Including the MASSIVE BENEFITS of martial arts training for kiddos' confidence, awareness, self-discipline, and so much more.  I also might reveal my super secret tactic for winning all my sparring matches against guys twice my size......
The mini episodes are ONLY AVAILABLE inside the Patreon group!  Select the link below to get all the benefits....

Episode Resources:
Tim Ferris and Jon Haidt video referenced
ERIC Research Platform
Google Scholar
Pub Med
Academia.org
American Psychological Association

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Happy Parenting and Good Luck Out There!

Creators & Guests

Host

Jennifer Hayes

Host

Rick Hayes

NL

Editor

Natalie Long

What is The Relational Parenting Podcast?

Welcome to the Relational Parenting Podcast! I’m Jennifer Hayes – a Parent Coach and 20 year Childcare Veteran. Each week I sit down with my own father (and cohost), Rick Hayes, and discuss the complicated issues that parents face today, as well as some of the oldest questions in the book. From the latest research and the framework of my Relational Parenting Method, we offer thought-provoking solutions to your deepest parenting struggles.
Relational Parenting is an evidence and experience based parenting method created by me - Jennie. After 20 years in the child care world, in every scenario you could possibly imagine, I realized one thing: EVERYONE was prioritizing the behavior and performance of a child over their emotional well-being. This frustrated me to no end and when I re-visited the latest research, I realized there was a better way. I started applying the principles I'd been learning in my own self-work, parent-child relationships, and partnerships, and I started gobbling up all the new research and books I could get my hands on. When I saw the results of putting these practices into play with the children I was taking care of - the difference in myself AND the kids I worked with was ASTOUNDING.
I am SO PROUD to be presenting Relational Parenting to the world. I can't wait to hear about your own journey. From Parents-to-be to the seasoned parenting veteran - there's something here for everyone!

Jennifer Hayes (00:04.226)
I think this is...

Jennifer Hayes (00:07.586)
This is a big topic right now. And I think a lot of parents of a lot of ages are having to deal with it from young grade school to high schoolers. There's a lot of...

Papa Rick (00:10.361)
social media equals evil.

Jennifer Hayes (00:27.758)
It's not really if, God, the first smartphone came out when I was.

Jennifer Hayes (00:33.799)
Almost through college.

Papa Rick (00:34.122)
Motorola, yeah, the Motorola, not the StarTac. There were all kinds of things in the 70s and 80s and buckets, but the Motorola little flip phone silver one that we started in on came out in like 95, I remember.

Jennifer Hayes (00:49.387)
Ahem.

Jennifer Hayes (00:54.155)
No, I didn't.

Papa Rick (00:56.009)
sure.

Jennifer Hayes (00:59.462)
It came out like the year that I got it in like 2002? No, 2004.

Papa Rick (01:00.450)
We'll check when you look at that.

Papa Rick (01:05.110)
Yeah, I know, but... but self.

Jennifer Hayes (01:12.258)
Those little flip phones, those little tiny flip phones.

Papa Rick (01:15.210)
Yeah. Josh, first one Josh went to, first one Josh went to college with was pretty sure one of them little Motorola things. Cause I could get them from AT&T.

Jennifer Hayes (01:17.890)
Nope, that was not 1995.

Jennifer Hayes (01:26.878)
Right, Josh went to college in 2004.

Papa Rick (01:31.222)
Was it that long after? Okay. Well, we have come a long way in 20 years.

Jennifer Hayes (01:38.062)
Flip phones, mom in the late 90s, early 2000s had one of those big fat Nokia bricks. So there was no flip phone anywhere.

Papa Rick (01:48.278)
Yeah, she had like a work phone, I think she had a bag phone for a while. And then she had one before I did. Was it a

Jennifer Hayes (01:50.530)
Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (01:53.918)
No, it was a cell phone. It was a cell phone, but it was like one of those big Nokia's that was like, it was like a little brick of gold. Yeah.

Papa Rick (02:01.675)
The candy bar ones, yeah. That's what Nokia made there. And they were a little longer and looked like a snicker bar more or less. All right. All right.

Jennifer Hayes (02:16.842)
And those, again, those weren't smartphones, so.

Papa Rick (02:22.602)
Yeah, you could get the little Motorola.

Jennifer Hayes (02:25.075)
Ahem.

Papa Rick (02:27.362)
plan we got post divorce I didn't get one till the divorce kicked in because I couldn't keep up. Razor, Motorola Razor, that was it.

Jennifer Hayes (02:35.330)
Those were way later. Razors. I had a razor in college.

Papa Rick (02:41.357)
Yeah.

Papa Rick (02:43.926)
Let's see, manufactured by Motorola until 2007. Just kind of as part of the 4LTR line was manufactured by Motorola. V3 was introduced in 2003. Okay. So those were fairly advanced. Except ours were silver. Yeah, that's like a V3. I think. Yeah, it's a V3i. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Jennifer Hayes (03:04.982)
Are you, are you ready to talk to, okay. Put your, put your stuff away. Research time is over.

Papa Rick (03:15.655)
We're winging it!

Papa Rick (03:19.530)
Alright, well since I don't have notes, I'm going to have my iPad.

Papa Rick (03:24.546)
Cool.

Jennifer Hayes (03:24.782)
Um, all right. Yeah. Welcome back everybody to episode 15. Um, we are.

Papa Rick (03:28.618)
I ordered a Pilates girl, go ahead. Go ahead.

Jennifer Hayes (03:39.330)
We have lots to talk about today, but first I want to look at our stats here because I looked up which countries we are in just out of curiosity and the stats that I get from our podcast page. And we are currently in the United States. 90% of our listeners are in the United States across multiple.

Papa Rick (04:04.894)
Only 90? Wow, I would have expected like 98 or 99. Wow, cool.

Jennifer Hayes (04:10.182)
Yeah, so we're across many states, like.

Jennifer Hayes (04:17.826)
like 22 states maybe, 24 states. And then we're also in Spain. 4.1% of our listeners are in Spain.

Papa Rick (04:22.071)
Okay.

Papa Rick (04:26.550)
neat.

Papa Rick (04:31.759)
4%. That's wild to me. Huh.

Jennifer Hayes (04:32.494)
Yeah, 3.1% are in the United Kingdom. 1% are in Finland.

Papa Rick (04:44.987)
Cool company, country.

Jennifer Hayes (04:46.074)
0.68% are in Canada, 0.68% are in Austria, and 0.34% are in Japan. So we are worldwide, baby.

Papa Rick (05:02.414)
You're spreading, getting the word out. This is good. Japanese parenting. We'll have to talk about Finnish and Japanese and Spanish and Austrian and UK parenting. Golly. Stepped in it. It's neat.

Jennifer Hayes (05:05.756)
Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (05:17.170)
Um, so yeah, so we, so dad, you sent me a, um, a little like seven minute clip of a, of a interview or a pot. I don't think it was a podcast. It was just an interview that, um, Tim Ferris did with Jonathan height. Um, Jonathan height is a social, social psychologist and.

Jennifer Hayes (05:45.871)
What university is he at, did you say?

Papa Rick (05:49.166)
I forget, I was getting, I thought I'd sent you one on by Jonathan Haidt too. And I'm, and Jonathan Haidt was like the, a professor at, I think an Ivy league college, the professor of ethical leadership or something. I've got my details messed up now. Timothy Ferris, I know I've got a couple of his books, but I cannot remember his, where he's, where he's from. I'll look right quick while we go on.

Jennifer Hayes (06:15.650)
Tim Ferriss is he well, it doesn't matter Tim. I'm gonna link all this in the show notes if people want to look up The videos the discussions etc. Jonathan height also has four TED talks out there So I will link to their stuff in the show notes just as a reference point but In the video that you sent me is just a short clip

Papa Rick (06:31.692)
Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (06:43.242)
seven minutes long, Jonathan Haidt is talking about his experience as a parent and also talking about Gen Z and the relationship to social media that has defined Gen Z and their development, et cetera, in a lot of ways.

Jennifer Hayes (07:13.226)
And so that was the thing that we grabbed onto and started talking about. So I wanted to bring it on here. And what Jonathan Haidt said was that in about 2009, when the first smartphone was released, there was, you can see in the data, a drastic doubling of suicide rates.

Papa Rick (07:37.541)
in adolescent females.

Jennifer Hayes (07:40.523)
and primarily girls, yeah. Because...

Papa Rick (07:42.838)
Yeah, yeah. Pre, post pubescent or whatever, pre pubescent females.

Jennifer Hayes (07:48.302)
prepubescent. Yeah. So girls, middle school, middle school and high school girls getting their hands and in some cases, grade school kids getting their hands on a smartphone and having access to apps like Instagram, Facebook, et cetera. With like filters and edits and all of the things that we can do. Like there's tools and and whatnot. And but I'm yeah. And like

Papa Rick (08:04.290)
Social media, yeah.

Papa Rick (08:11.726)
Perfect selfie as soon as you can.

Jennifer Hayes (08:16.526)
TikTok coming along, all the things. So, yeah, so then you and I started talking about how, like the deep psychological effect that that has on a kid who is still developing, still learning about what the world is and how the world works and what's real and what's not and all that stuff. And you're, you know, the young.

Papa Rick (08:19.086)
Oh, oh.

Jennifer Hayes (08:42.018)
child's brain is not capable of differentiating what's real or not because they don't have enough experience, right? So just like I remember growing up and TV commercials for like face washes and like Cosmopolitan magazine and you know, everyone adult women were always like, don't pay attention to bodies and magazines. Those are not real. Those are airbrushed, etc.

Papa Rick (08:48.162)
Yeah.

Papa Rick (09:06.492)
Airbrush, yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (09:07.990)
and on TV they're like, oh, I'm washing my face, but they have freaking makeup on. Like, it's not real.

Papa Rick (09:14.598)
And a hair and a makeup and special effects people and yeah, not real life

Jennifer Hayes (09:19.102)
Yeah, and cuts and yeah, lighting and all the things. And it's like, that's not real. And even though you guys, like you guys and other people told me that's not real, that's not real. I thought it was real. I remember thinking like, oh, that's what I, you know, like trying to look like that and never having the right lighting because it's completely fabricated. It's not real lighting.

Papa Rick (09:34.018)
You can see it. Yeah.

Papa Rick (09:42.234)
Yeah. Yeah. Same reason that if you show, if you show a TV to like Aboriginal people or a dog, you know, who has no under just someone who has no understanding of all the electronics and you know, how can a person be in a room 5,000 miles away? How can I see them and hear them like they're here? They

They assume it's real when they first see it. You know, the dog barks at the dog on TV sometimes because he thinks there's another dog there. And kids are not to compare anyone's child to a dog. But that's, you know, you think things are real until you know better and have the, and even when you know better, sometimes you don't have the reasoning faculty to really sort it out. We were talking about this earlier about,

Papa Rick (10:36.490)
Well, and then you were just touching on it is, you know, yeah, I know in my, I know on some level it's not real, but it's still becoming part of my psyche. Anyway, it would be better if I had not seen that, you know.

Jennifer Hayes (10:50.410)
Yeah, well, we were, I was telling you about, there are certain shows, I really enjoy crime shows, I really enjoy.

Jennifer Hayes (11:03.798)
like dark, dark drama. And like sometimes I wanna watch comedy or something like super silly like Schitt's Creek. Schitt's Creek is my jam. But if I wanna watch something and be like deeply entertained, it's like a dark, dark drama of some kind. And there's one show that's particularly intense.

Papa Rick (11:06.816)
Mm-hmm.

Papa Rick (11:15.950)
I'm going to go to bed.

Papa Rick (11:24.212)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jennifer Hayes (11:33.302)
that I've been super into lately, Louis and I watched it together. And I realized after, it was during COVID actually, cause I rarely watch TV like back to back on just any random night. Like I watched TV like a couple nights a week. But when we had COVID, we were couch-ridden for a week and we're watching this show together. And I realized

Papa Rick (11:50.572)
Okay.

Jennifer Hayes (12:03.870)
about halfway through the following week that I was, I was like, just like angry and depressed. And like part of that was COVID. You guys all heard that episode. You guys all heard that, that, that episode. But my mindset, my mindset was not helped by, and just like even the way that I was like acting in like towards Louis was like,

Papa Rick (12:13.435)
It rubbed off. That's right. It rubbed off.

Jennifer Hayes (12:34.510)
Um, sound effects, um, it was just, but it was mostly in my mind, like the way that I was thinking, the thought patterns that I was having, it was like, I regressed 10 years, um, of mindfulness. And I, and I just really, I was in like deep survival mode. And part of that, like I said, was being so sick for so long. Um, but I, but I started to like catch.

Papa Rick (12:36.695)
Ding.

Papa Rick (12:46.702)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Working on your lizard brain somehow, yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (13:04.214)
some of my thoughts and go.

Jennifer Hayes (13:09.282)
That's not mine. Like, where did that come from?

Papa Rick (13:12.572)
Mm-hmm. That's right. Oh my God. Did somebody put an electrode in my brain?

Jennifer Hayes (13:19.145)
And I realized and some of the dreams that I was having, I was like, God, I keep having nightmares. I keep having nightmares. Oh, maybe it's because you're watching this wildly violent show every night before you go to bed.

Papa Rick (13:30.562)
That's where it gets me. That's where it gets me. Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (13:33.290)
Like just nightmares, tossing and turning. Like I would just wake up and just like pissed off or scared or whatever.

Papa Rick (13:43.086)
snakes pursuing you up a ladder.

Jennifer Hayes (13:46.642)
not even like like like battle or like being in battle or gun fights like like violent yeah so all like

Papa Rick (13:51.458)
That was mine. Yeah. Yeah. Fighting. I being in your middle school gym with a bunch of ninjas after you, you're jumping out windows, weird stuff. Dream stuff.

Jennifer Hayes (14:00.970)
Right. Oh my god.

Jennifer Hayes (14:06.366)
Yeah, and so, yeah, so with this, with the rise of the smartphone, so what I wanna talk about today is the rise of social media access, right, on our smartphones coupled with

the 24-hour news cycle and media and all the different media channels and all the different people that are unaccredited, not whatever. Also, even news stations are owned by certain people and companies and determine the narrative. It's all just, it's all money. Who's paying you?

Papa Rick (14:50.128)
Have an agenda, have a narrative, yeah. Gotta be careful what you listen to, yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (15:02.166)
to media and the effect that it truly has on kids and that it's not just like, it's not just this like.

Jennifer Hayes (15:16.158)
just another parenting decision. Oh, my kid has social media. Oh, my kid doesn't. There are deep psychological effects on children who are exposed to social media, and you can't always put parent controls on everything.

Papa Rick (15:18.766)
Mm-hmm.

Jennifer Hayes (15:38.686)
So like in a lot of ways, in a lot of different things, you can put parent controls on, there can be passwords, et cetera. But if your kid is leaving the house with their phone and you're not with them, like you don't know what they're getting access to when they go to school or when they go to a friend's house. And even if you are a parent who you don't get your kid a smartphone, they are leaving the house and their friends have smartphones and they're seeing stuff. Like the other thing I was telling you, Dad, is that

Papa Rick (15:51.350)
Yeah. Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (16:07.542)
the people that I know, like the guys that I have dated in the past, have told me like their first access to porn was at a friend's house, who found their dad's stock magazines or the website was left up on the home computer on accident or something. Like they didn't see it from their family or they found it at a friend's house.

Papa Rick (16:21.866)
Playboy in the basement of their dad's basement. Yeah.

Papa Rick (16:29.418)
Yep, yep, oops, forgot to log out.

Jennifer Hayes (16:37.706)
I've heard of one story of a guy that I dated is that his friend had it on their phone.

Jennifer Hayes (16:48.622)
I feel like that's, but yeah, like they had, they were out like running around as like 11 and 12 year olds and they had, that can't be right because we're too old for that. What did he tell me?

Papa Rick (17:04.430)
about getting to it through someone else's phone, but maybe, did they have like a parent's phone? When parents hand their kids their phones, I'm like, no, no, no, that's like handing them a gun, give the kid their own phone, and grownup phones are grownup phones. It's a different, you know, not, depending on how you, I mean, everybody's got ideas, but yeah, I hate to see kids playing with grownup phones.

Jennifer Hayes (17:09.710)
because they must.

Jennifer Hayes (17:14.327)
Yeah... Yeah...

Jennifer Hayes (17:20.578)
Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (17:27.486)
And that's so the cycle, yeah. Well, and with tick tock and filters and, and then you're also exposing them to, to bots and predators and like that can reach out to them and start messaging them and all that, and that existed. That existed when I was a kid, cause we had like chat rooms, like well, and, and chat rooms you could get on, on the internet, but that is way more controllable than.

Papa Rick (17:43.371)
Yeah.

Papa Rick (17:51.966)
MySpace and yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (17:57.878)
social media. So that combined with just the effect of screens on kids. So not only is the content harmful to psyches and it literally doubled the suicide rate in children.

Papa Rick (17:59.778)
Well, it can be moderated. Yeah, that's, well, what a maze now.

Papa Rick (18:21.730)
Yeah, seeing that unrealistic, everybody's life is perfect, why isn't mine? Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (18:25.838)
like that, that, that still gets to me. I am in my thirties and I did not grow up, I did not grow up with social media. And I still struggle to remember that the highlight reel is just the highlight reel.

Papa Rick (18:31.634)
Yeah. Yeah. And it's harder on girls, women, I think.

Papa Rick (18:43.082)
Yeah. Guys are things, girls are, I mean, it's all stereotypes, but you know, guys are things, girls are people and, and, you know, guy, I think guys probably spend most of their time looking at porn and trucks and guns and, you know, fun stuff. The, the, uh, and, but the girls are all, yeah. Well, but the girl and the girls are, the girls are like taking it more personally. The girls are checking out other people and other lives.

Jennifer Hayes (19:01.314)
Women are communal.

Jennifer Hayes (19:11.970)
That's what I mean. We're more communal. We're trying to build, we're looking at like in us in relationship to other people. Oh, I'm a mom. She's a mom. Like, why does her life look like that? My life doesn't look like that. It's like, well, it's very curated for posting. Yeah. Yeah. So there, so, so I think it does affect women more deeply because we, we find community online, whereas men tend,

Papa Rick (19:12.118)
comparing, you know, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It gets your heart harder. Yeah.

Papa Rick (19:27.555)
My backseat is full of Cheerios, why isn't hers?

Jennifer Hayes (19:41.726)
some men do, but, but one, none that I know. And two, it just tends to be like men don't seek community as much as women do. And yeah, and the end like

Papa Rick (19:46.943)
Hahaha!

Papa Rick (19:57.174)
differently. Punching a shoulder. How about them bears? You know, it's not usually deep feelings.

Jennifer Hayes (20:06.454)
Well, that's not, and that's also, I want to make sure, that's not to say that they shouldn't. Men, spaces where men can gather and be in community and process life, I think is becoming more, more and more accessible and more and more, not even more necessary. It's always been necessary. But I think it's becoming more obvious how necessary it is. Yeah. But women seek that, women seek that, because if you think back to

Papa Rick (20:11.422)
Absolutely. Absolutely.

Papa Rick (20:27.082)
Yeah, it would be a good thing if... I don't know about should, but it would be nicer.

Jennifer Hayes (20:36.514)
when we lived in tribes, the men would go out and hunt for food and the women would stay home and raise the children and learn which berries were poisonous and share that information with each other. They would learn recipes from each other. They would hand down how to weave blankets, how to dye fabrics, how to do all these things, how to tend a fire, et cetera. Women were like sharing information, learning and sharing the information to keep

the home fires burning and keep everybody alive while the men went out and made sure that they provided, right?

Papa Rick (21:09.581)
Mm-hmm.

Papa Rick (21:12.226)
provision, protection, and then the girls are there to do everything else. That is how to keep from freezing to death.

Jennifer Hayes (21:19.270)
Yeah. And so men would hunt in packs, right, together to be safe and effective, but they weren't like talking to each other. Women were literally surviving by talking to one another.

Papa Rick (21:31.434)
Yeah, it's all pretty business like with guys. It's like you go, you go that way. I'll go that way and we'll, we'll sneak up on the rhinoceros, you know, and it's all working kind of, kind of purposeful stuff. It's not like, well, how'd you feel about stabbing that rhinoceros? It didn't go that far.

Jennifer Hayes (21:47.478)
Yeah, well, nowadays, we're not stabbing rhinoceri, rhinoceroses.

Papa Rick (21:52.118)
Speak for yourself, rhinoceroses. Let's look that way. Rhinoceri, I like that. I prefer to believe it's rhinoceri. Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (21:58.314)
If anyone knows, if anyone knows the plural of rhinoceros, please send us a message. Thank you.

Papa Rick (22:06.890)
Or if you know what my dreams about snakes and ninjas chasing me know, I'd be interested in dream interpretation too.

Jennifer Hayes (22:12.078)
Oh yeah, dream assessments. We talked about that. If anyone is a knowledgeable dream reader, jenny at jennieb.co, J-E-N-N-I-E at jennieb.co, jenny at jennieb.co, email us. Also any parents with any stories, any...

Papa Rick (22:22.410)
Yeah. Oh. Oh. And.

Papa Rick (22:35.434)
in the description. Gallium.

Jennifer Hayes (22:40.610)
funny stories, any terrifying stories, any, oh shit, I can't believe I did that stories, any, I just, like, oh my God, I'm my mom, or oh my God, I've turned into my dad. Like, send us your stories. We're gonna, I want to start doing, I wanna start doing listener episodes where we share, whether anonymously or with your name, whatever you want, share listener stories.

Papa Rick (22:42.094)
Yeah.

Papa Rick (22:52.107)
Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (23:08.458)
of parenting faux pas or silly parenting realizations or anything like that. I wanna start doing like a once a month, like beginning of the month maybe listener stories. So everybody start emailing me your stories please. Right now, go do it. Open up your app and email me. Thank you.

Papa Rick (23:15.743)
Just interesting stories.

Papa Rick (23:21.550)
That sounds fun. That sounds fun.

Papa Rick (23:26.770)
right now. That's right. If you email in the next 10 minutes, right? Like an infomercial.

Jennifer Hayes (23:33.514)
Right? Let's see, this is coming out on Thursday. So Thursday, April.

Papa Rick (23:39.928)
23rd.

Jennifer Hayes (23:40.898)
What's today? No, today is the 23rd. 24, 25, 26, 27th. April 27th, Thursday, April 27th. If you email me.

Papa Rick (23:44.150)
Yeah. Oh, when to what? Ah.

Papa Rick (23:55.102)
Oh, by the time you post this.

Jennifer Hayes (23:55.330)
If you are listening today, as in the day this is released on Thursday, April 27th, then you can email me today.

Papa Rick (24:07.010)
Man, I'm experiencing a time dilation effect talking about, if you're talking now and it's next Thursday. Ooh, email's gotta be dated the 27th-ish. Well, I finished my sentence. Let me finish my sentence, young lady. Gotta be dated the 27th, not the 28th.

Jennifer Hayes (24:07.586)
What should we offer?

Jennifer Hayes (24:10.926)
I could send you a Starbucks card. We could do... ..

Jennifer Hayes (24:21.330)
Well, email's automatically dated. Don't write the date of your email in your email.

Papa Rick (24:34.590)
Or is it like 24 hours from the time it's released? I'll let you figure that out. I'll spring for the, what's a reasonable Starbucks card? Or do we wanna promote coffee drinking? I don't know, what's a good gift?

Jennifer Hayes (24:37.550)
Uh-uh. Thursday, Thursday before midnight.

Jennifer Hayes (24:50.742)
I will always promote coffee drinking, especially to parents.

Papa Rick (24:56.995)
I'm going to do a $20 Starbucks card to get you a couple of big coffees. Want it? Two, three, four. No. Oh, really? Let's do a five. I was going to say let's do a $7 Starbucks card.

Jennifer Hayes (25:02.210)
Jesus, let's, you know, I usually send fivers. I send fivers to people, which barely gets you a fucking Starbucks anymore. Sorry. Right? Ooh, I should start sending like $8.26. Like.

Papa Rick (25:18.446)
That's what's well plus postage. That's yeah. This just.

Jennifer Hayes (25:22.382)
Well, no, you can send them virtually. Oh my gosh, what are they doing? Lay down, Bane, lay down. Lay down.

Papa Rick (25:26.590)
Oh, over the phone. There you go. She's talking to the dogs, not you, not, not you listeners at home.

Jennifer Hayes (25:34.574)
Right? He just started like sprinting around the room. Bane, lay down.

Papa Rick (25:38.806)
You'd say lay down Bain. Yeah. And a name lay down Bain. And then only.

Jennifer Hayes (25:41.438)
I did. You were talking.

Jennifer Hayes (25:46.262)
I did. Bain, lay down.

Papa Rick (25:51.542)
Yeah, that sounds good.

Jennifer Hayes (25:54.692)
Okay. Also, join our Patreon so that we can keep doing this.

Papa Rick (25:59.766)
It was very easy. I tested it the other day. It's very easy.

Jennifer Hayes (26:03.278)
Click join, put in your credit card information, and that's it.

Papa Rick (26:07.382)
all wired up and then we can do more and more of this if you enjoy this.

Jennifer Hayes (26:08.874)
All wired up. A monthly donation to bettering the world by creating healthy, happy families.

Papa Rick (26:17.778)
And if you don't think we're bettering the world, let us know what we're doing wrong.

Jennifer Hayes (26:22.602)
Yeah. So either way, email me. Okay.

Papa Rick (26:25.630)
And we might send you a Starbucks card.

Jennifer Hayes (26:27.978)
Yes. Okay. So back to screen time, access. So screen time, there's also this like...

Jennifer Hayes (26:46.550)
this, I don't want to call it a battle cry, but there, there, I have seen a lot over the years online of parents being like, if you're a TV mom, be a TV mom. If you're not a TV mom, don't be a TV mom. And I love that we are not judging each other for our parenting choices. And

Jennifer Hayes (27:13.730)
There is very thorough research on the effect of screens on young children, especially before the age of three, but also anything before the age of seven, like regularly. I'm not talking about like one snuggly movie night on the couch watching TV together. I'm talking...

Papa Rick (27:21.207)
Just the quality of light. Yeah.

Papa Rick (27:37.730)
where you're socializing with your tribe.

Jennifer Hayes (27:40.286)
I'm talking about sticking an iPad in your kid's face every time they eat a meal so that they'll just eat and leave you alone. I'm talking about sticking your phone or an iPad in their face every time you just want to get something done. I'm not talking about like, let's watch a movie together 10 to 15 feet away from the screen once in a while. I'm talking about constant daily…

Jennifer Hayes (28:06.154)
And it doesn't need to be like for three hours at a time. It can be 15 minutes at a time. But if you're doing it every single day, multiple times a day, that is, it is proven neuroscience that it causes harm on your child's brain. It causes behavior issues. It causes attention issues. It causes breakdowns. Like they'll have mental breakdowns because the dopamine hit that they get that young, then that's all.

all they want because it's such a high dopamine hit. That's all this, especially like, um, Oh God, what is the one show that I absolutely despise? It's like they ha it's like all these cartoon characters and it's musical and it's like really loud music and really vibrant colors. And they switch frames every like second and it's literally like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And

Papa Rick (28:50.058)
modern cartoons.

Papa Rick (28:54.338)
Yeah.

Papa Rick (29:04.586)
It's similar. It's the.

Jennifer Hayes (29:05.378)
They're putting one, it's made for one year olds. And I'm like.

Papa Rick (29:09.123)
It's the ping pong, bing, bang stuff that attracts gamblers to casinos. It's just noise that's that physically stimulates your brain and is addictive. It's like, turn that off.

Jennifer Hayes (29:12.074)
Yes! Yes!

Jennifer Hayes (29:19.734)
Yes. Yes.

Jennifer Hayes (29:23.542)
And I'm sorry, if you are a parent and you are a TV parent or whatever, you've been letting your baby watch TV regularly from the crib or whatever while you're cooking dinner, I'm like, please find something else. It's literally, it can literally, it causes so many issues.

Papa Rick (29:36.846)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Papa Rick (29:41.154)
So on the...

Papa Rick (29:46.594)
So we need to come up with some alternatives, because if I'm a singular mom, if I'm a single mom or dad with three kids working two or three jobs, I need some help, right? There's not enough hours in a day to do some of this somewhere. I'm going to go ahead and do some of this somewhere.

Jennifer Hayes (30:03.490)
Well, if you're working two or three jobs, then someone else is taking care of your child.

Papa Rick (30:08.654)
That's right. And if they're letting them watch the TV or something, so we need to talk about some productive ways to management. It also gets into the, hey, you can't really teach this stuff to your kids until you kind of deal with some of your own stuff too, you know, so that's a place for growth. We need to start making up some strategies here.

Jennifer Hayes (30:24.418)
Well, this is one that you can stop immediately. This is a choice, this is a behavior choice that you can make a choice to stop doing. This is not like a, you need to heal something in yourself before you're capable of responding to your child in some kind of way. This is a pick something else.

Papa Rick (30:37.899)
Yeah. Yeah.

Papa Rick (30:45.354)
Well, come up with ideas for alternatives.

Jennifer Hayes (30:50.006)
books. I literally took...

Jennifer Hayes (30:55.518)
my best friend's nieces, who I also call my nieces. We had an auntie weekend and they met me at this little marketplace after I had a business thing in the morning. We ate lunch and I thought there was a play place. It turns out it was a gymnastics padded thing.

Papa Rick (31:12.142)
HOOP HOOP HOOP

Papa Rick (31:20.514)
Serious play place, yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (31:21.922)
So it wasn't just like open gym. So we got there and we went to see and they wouldn't let us in. And so they were really upset. And we said, you know, all that's so disappointing. I understand why you're so frustrated. And then they were demanding that we find a play place. And I was like, and we said, we get like, we understand. And I promised you a play place and we're gonna go to the mall and play in their play place. But first.

Papa Rick (31:30.402)
Naaaaah.

Papa Rick (31:37.902)
Hehehehehehe Tää on entäs?

Jennifer Hayes (31:48.042)
we're at this marketplace where I need to go to a couple of the stores. And so we're going to go to the plant store. We're going to go to the bookstore. And we did both of those things and they, they felt their feelings. And then they were like, okay. And they went and they loved looking at the plants. And then we went to that bookstore thinking I wanted to run in and just like scan. Um, and we ended up being there for like 45 minutes to an hour because these little girls found books.

Papa Rick (31:54.774)
Need to run an errand.

Jennifer Hayes (32:18.214)
almost instantly and were engrossed. And we literally walked around while they sat in the corner quietly. They didn't talk to anybody. They didn't, and these are not like, these are not like shy, quiet little girls. These are, these are like vibrant, talk to people, talk to us, wanna play, do stuff, et cetera, little girls.

Papa Rick (32:23.958)
That was what I was going to suggest, libraries.

Papa Rick (32:30.678)
Yeah. Yeah.

Papa Rick (32:44.270)
Mm-hmm.

Jennifer Hayes (32:45.226)
And they both found these books and just went over in the reading corner. And it's like, they both just sat there and grossed in their books until we had to be like, okay, it's time to go. Do you guys still want to go to the play place?

Papa Rick (32:53.880)
Yeah.

Papa Rick (32:59.242)
That's right. That's right. We have to leave. Oh no, we don't want to leave. No, that the libraries or bookstores, if you can manage that, um, are great places to get kids engrossed and most, if you can get to them, you know, you might have, might be a bus ride or something, but, uh, absolutely. Those are great, healthy places to take kids parks, you know, someplace where they safe that you can let them run around and play on the swings and stuff until they're tired, you know, and get yourself up.

Jennifer Hayes (33:27.030)
Well, yeah, and hopefully, hopefully people are getting as much as possible getting out of the house, taking advantage of, you know, free things to do in the community. Um, I think going to parks and going to libraries is pretty standard for a lot of people. Um, you know, people who have gym, you know, or not gym, um, zoo memberships or museum memberships, children's museums, regular museum, all the things, you know, those things cost money.

Papa Rick (33:29.132)
I think.

Papa Rick (33:42.294)
finding other kids for them to play with.

Papa Rick (33:52.238)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Or the free days sometimes. Right? Go on to do it.

Jennifer Hayes (33:58.608)
But this is more like people who are often using screen time at home so they can get stuff done.

Papa Rick (34:10.070)
Yeah. Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (34:11.610)
And I get it. I've done it. I've been doing it for many, many years. And most of the families that I have worked for have had a no screen time policy with the nanny. They will have like movie nights together, but there is a no screen time. Because one, that's their value. And it's also my value. When I would interview for jobs, I would be like, I am a no screen time person.

Jennifer Hayes (34:42.214)
I'm not ever going to hand my phone to your child. I'm not ever going to sit and watch movies with your kid, with the exception of like, they're both like have the flu and can't do anything. And then we will likely on the couch and watch a movie that happens like once a year.

Papa Rick (34:53.610)
Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Those are, it's hard to, it's hard to speak to every situation. You know, it's like counseling or something. It's like, there's a whole situation there, but in general, you know, the middle of the bell curve, as I like to say, that's, uh, yeah, no kids don't need much screen time when they're young.

Jennifer Hayes (35:13.634)
But so, but so there was, there's, so I want to be, I want to give helpful ideas to parents who are wanting ideas. So books, like literally.

Papa Rick (35:26.722)
Books you can bring home, trip to the library, and then you can have a stack of books at home. Say, go read a book.

Jennifer Hayes (35:33.562)
So that is what we're talking about. We're talking about being at home, alternatives for instead of sitting your kid in front of the TV at home so you can get some things done like cooking dinner, throwing in a load of laundry, whatever it might be. Now you're going to, depending on the age of your child, if it's an infant, you're putting them in a pack and play or whatever.

Papa Rick (35:36.182)
Right.

Jennifer Hayes (36:03.731)
If they're toddlers or whatnot, that zero to three, zero to five range, wildly you would be surprised how successful you will be at just sitting your child on the floor and putting five or six books in front of them. They'll lay there and look through that shit for an hour. If you're a kid…

Papa Rick (36:09.462)
Yeah. Pre-book.

Papa Rick (36:26.448)
Even if it's the big fat ones, you just chew on them.

Jennifer Hayes (36:29.506)
Well, yeah, they'll chew on them. So there's that, you could, if you're putting them in a pack and play with their, with their favorite stuffies and a few books and maybe a toy or two that they like, if, once they get to be three, once really, and really, like you should, like there should be, if you can start, if you can start independent play,

Papa Rick (36:30.894)
Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

Jennifer Hayes (36:58.678)
when they are infants with laying on the floor with the little play things that dangle down where they're not interacting with you at all. You're in the room, but they are playing and exploring and taking in the world around them, figuring out how to roll without any interaction from you. Maybe you're sitting on the couch reading a book. Maybe you're checking your email for a minute while the baby is fine.

Papa Rick (37:15.502)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Papa Rick (37:26.570)
Yeah, working or creating.

Jennifer Hayes (37:27.606)
But that independent play where you are in the room, but they are not engaging with you is so critical. And especially as they graduate into the toddler twos, threes, fours, fives, like yes, play with your children. And that's a way to bond and connect with them and have conversations because kids can listen better actually when they're engaged in play. So you can have really good conversations with your kids when they're...

Papa Rick (37:36.206)
right with you. Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (37:56.910)
playing and you're playing with them. But then there's also needs to be a balance of them playing by themselves and entertaining themselves and playing make believe in a ways that only children can. Adults can be wildly interruptive by inputting their own imagination over a child's play instead of letting the like, let your child go play and have

their imagination and do stuff or let your children play together because they can like we are warped by reality. Like we just we are adults are warped by reality.

Papa Rick (38:36.374)
That's a way we're shaped, maybe not, hopefully not always warped, but yeah, we are shaped by reality. Absolutely.

Jennifer Hayes (38:40.398)
Shaped, not warped, shaped. You're right. But letting children play independently, letting children figure out how to stop being bored themselves is a critical life skill. That's how they, that's when they discover what they like, is when they're bored. What they're, what they enjoy doing. Yeah. So anyway, so alternatives.

Papa Rick (38:58.882)
Yep. That's exactly boredom is good for you. Yep.

Papa Rick (39:06.102)
That's what I'm, that's what I'm j-

Jennifer Hayes (39:10.002)
Alternatives to screens, books, stuffies. Um, when they're older, I have been wildly successful with three years, old three year olds and above with independent play. I, okay. I need to cook dinner. It's time for you to go in the living room and pick something to play with while I cook dinner and I need you to stay in the living room and play.

while I cook dinner. Or if you've got the energy, bring them into the kitchen and let them cook with you. They love cracking eggs into a bowl. They love, you scoop the flour and they get to dump it in the bowl. Bring your kids in. Bring your kids in to the realities of everyday life and what it takes to run a household and what life actually looks like.

Papa Rick (39:51.842)
teach.

Papa Rick (39:54.510)
Yeah.

Papa Rick (39:58.902)
That is super valuable experience if you can.

Papa Rick (40:08.290)
Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (40:09.466)
not like you go play while I make sure you survive. Like, no, come over here, learn how to do this.

Papa Rick (40:15.662)
That's right. That's right. Help me put away the groceries.

Jennifer Hayes (40:17.762)
That's how, yeah. Help me make the grocery list. What meals do we wanna eat this week? Okay, what goes into that meal? Oh, sweet potato, there's sweet potato in that. So we gotta put sweet potato on the list. Like life skills, real life skills. So that's three things.

Papa Rick (40:21.838)
share stuff.

Papa Rick (40:26.350)
teaching skills. Yeah. Yeah.

Papa Rick (40:34.482)
As opposed to screen time that Jonathan Heights, let me jump in. Jonathan, one of Jonathan's Heights, uh, in that interview in the, in the coddling of the American mind is about the independent play thing, you know, at some point when we can have a whole episode about this, we got, we got afraid to let kids go out, you know, when I was a kid, you ran out, you were disappeared all day. You know, when dad whistled, you came home, you stayed within earshot.

You know, but you were out running around. Sometimes you were getting in trouble. Sometimes you were doing dangerous things, but you were, you learned a lot from independent play, not just stuff that's channeled by a video game, no matter how good it is for your, your hand, eye coordination and, and, uh, the, the more independent you can teach a kid to be. I agree. I agree.

Jennifer Hayes (41:24.630)
Riding a bike is better for your hand-eye coordination than playing a video game. Go ride your fucking bike.

Papa Rick (41:31.434)
Or something, something where there's risk where you might actually bleed, you know, a little bit, not a lot, a little bit is better than any amount of video experience. So yeah, that, that, that independent play is just unbelievably forming of kids.

Jennifer Hayes (41:35.233)
Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (41:38.978)
Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (41:41.794)
When being out like...

Jennifer Hayes (41:46.826)
Yeah. And so that's little kids. So little kids in lieu of screen time, three options is set them in front of a bunch of books. If they're three or older, expect them to go play in a safe room alone while you do something or bring them into the thing that you're doing. If they can participate in a lifestyle activity like cooking, cleaning, putting dishes away, helping with groceries, things like that.

Papa Rick (42:02.770)
Okay, let's go.

Papa Rick (42:13.834)
Yeah, yeah, color and there's coloring books.

Jennifer Hayes (42:14.614)
So those are three options besides screen time. Yeah, coloring books, puzzles.

Papa Rick (42:18.582)
puzzle books, there's all kinds of, not just sit and read a book, but all kinds of, there's books, they still have books where you like, they give you a marker that dries out, but you can highlight, you're discovering a story or you know, if you are reading, go to a point and you can read the story and it has seven different endings, you know, for your doing active stuff. But yeah, just a book with crayons, you know, that they can color on or word puzzles.

Jennifer Hayes (42:39.012)
Hmm

Jennifer Hayes (42:47.086)
Mm-hmm.

Papa Rick (42:47.174)
I've seen mazes, I've seen kids, some of the adopted grandchildren we were working with or seeing were, they just loved mazes. You just got to find them a big book of mazes to do. Yeah, activities of all kinds. Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (43:00.622)
activity book with like crossword puzzles and mazes and, and yeah. I even little two and three year olds when I would do, I used to try to get all of the lawn, like all of the laundry and cleaning done when the kids were napping. And I eventually quit doing that because I realized that they wanted to do those things. And so it was actually better for them because they would

Papa Rick (43:07.574)
get him to use books or I'm trying to.

Papa Rick (43:19.586)
Hmm.

Papa Rick (43:25.678)
Sure.

Jennifer Hayes (43:29.102)
learn those skills and develop those skills at two and three years old and learn that that was something that had to be done to maintain a household. But they would get so excited to help pull the dirty laundry out of the hamper.

Papa Rick (43:39.786)
and learn about real life and makes him feel grown up.

Jennifer Hayes (43:45.942)
Are you, okay. Help pull the dirty laundry out of the hamper and put it in the washer was like the height of their day that they got to do that. I was like, yeah.

Papa Rick (43:48.214)
You kinda would.

Papa Rick (43:55.830)
Yep. When they get a little older, they can turn into chores too. Now they're useful human beings. They can empty the trash and change the cat litter and that kind of stuff, you know.

Jennifer Hayes (44:06.954)
Well, and more than that, if they start doing it when they're two and three, they're just gonna do it when they're big enough to do it on their own. Or they're gonna not fight you when you ask them to do it because it's been part of their life. It's just life. It's not a chore anymore. It just, it's part of life.

Papa Rick (44:26.250)
And if there's not a board and if there's not a video game calling them, then there's no argument about, well, I'm in the middle of something. Yeah. Turn it off when it's time, you know, it's been sitting there for three days. It's time to do it.

Jennifer Hayes (44:43.914)
Yeah.

Papa Rick (44:45.062)
Order your room. Hmm. Yeah, there's, I can't, there's not really a big upside to screen time.

Jennifer Hayes (44:48.738)
So yeah, screens.

Jennifer Hayes (44:53.090)
There isn't. And that brings me to this quote that I wanted to share. Jennifer Garner, the actress, I watched an interview or a replay clip of an interview with her from some time ago, I don't know. But they were talking about the fact that she does not let her, I believe it's three daughters. Someone correct me if that's wrong.

Papa Rick (45:01.110)
Hmm.

Papa Rick (45:20.763)
Ooh! Wow.

Jennifer Hayes (45:22.914)
but she does not let her three daughters on social media and they don't have smartphones. And I think she has a grade schooler, a middle schooler and a high schooler and or did at the time of this video. And the interviewer was asking her different questions and she said, they used to fight me on it. And this is what I said to them. I said, you bring me.

Papa Rick (45:48.534)
But there were some discussions over that.

Jennifer Hayes (45:52.654)
you bring me the literature that states that social media and screen time is good for your brain and I will buy you a smartphone.

Papa Rick (45:57.270)
Oh

Papa Rick (46:02.190)
Bring me a study. Yeah, that's a great, great approach.

Jennifer Hayes (46:04.350)
And it's as simple as that, because there are hundreds of studies proving that it's bad for you.

Papa Rick (46:12.515)
We should be posting some of these. We should find some of these things and put them in the description. Just popped into my.

Jennifer Hayes (46:17.834)
I mean, I will, but you can also just literally go, you can literally go to Google, what is it? Google research, Google something, or you can go to PubMed, PubMed, Google Scholar, PubMed, and literally just type in screen time for children. And it's.

Papa Rick (46:27.734)
Yeah, Scooters Scholar, Scooters Scholar.

Papa Rick (46:35.630)
We'll have to punch in some of that stuff and teach people how to do that. Cause there's also a lot, that's another problem with social media is there's a lot of crap, there's a lot of BS out there and learning, learning to tell the difference, some people will benefit from learning to tell the difference.

Jennifer Hayes (46:43.798)
Well, don't do your research on social media. That's not research.

Jennifer Hayes (46:51.882)
Research on social media is not research. That's opinion, that's opinion diving.

Papa Rick (46:54.038)
We'll point them. PubMed, teach people about PubMed and academia.org and some of these places.

Jennifer Hayes (47:05.518)
Um, NC, what is it called? NCN, NCMI something. I'll post them in the show notes. I'll do that. I will put the, um.

Papa Rick (47:12.934)
Eric, Eric, educational database is still out there, I think.

Jennifer Hayes (47:20.950)
What was the Google one?

Papa Rick (47:22.794)
Google Scholar, I think, is the shortcut I've used. It's like an extension.

Jennifer Hayes (47:24.142)
Scholar, Google Scholar, PubMed, and there's a third one that's a national, it's a national

Jennifer Hayes (47:35.094)
database for scientific journals.

Papa Rick (47:37.774)
Check out academia.org because it's a, it is a, well an archive.org which is just a history of free and rentable for free books on everything. Government stuff and non-government stuff. Those are two of my favorites, archive.org and academia.org which at academia.org is flat out when you sign up for it.

when you log into it they say what papers have you published? And it's like I'm just reading here and let you in. You get fresh off the press academic papers if you want to read that kind of stuff.

Jennifer Hayes (48:19.394)
What? On what website?

Papa Rick (48:21.959)
academia.org.

Jennifer Hayes (48:25.102)
Fresh off the press academic papers.

Papa Rick (48:28.362)
Brand brand? Yeah, just just PhD theses and and other stuff. Piping pipe engineering information. It's a place for academics to share their stuff and some of it you get for free and some of it you gotta buy the PDF, you know, or something. You can't read all of it. But it's a formal more a more formal research. I need to find more sources, but it's a more formal research site.

Jennifer Hayes (48:33.849)
Oh.

Jennifer Hayes (48:47.778)
Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (48:58.446)
Nice, I'm gonna have to check that out.

Papa Rick (49:00.582)
It's good to go into something like that and read the language. You know, academic stuff, real academic stuff. And you can tell if you're listening, like Neil deGrasse Tyson is very entertaining when he's explaining astrophysics, but when you catch him in a... He's very careful with these words. When you catch him in an argument with another astrophysicist, their language changes. It gets very... They're using... It's like legal. They have a very narrowly defined...

Jennifer Hayes (49:26.152)
Mm-hmm.

Papa Rick (49:29.814)
Here's what this word means as shorthand for a whole thing. And so academic is dry. It's not entertaining reading. But boy, if you want to hear all the words and learn what the language, what technical language sounds like in any field, academia.org is a good place to get exposed to it. It just goes over your head because you don't know the lingo.

Jennifer Hayes (49:56.386)
Yeah, reading, reading.

Jennifer Hayes (50:00.958)
Yeah, well reading, so I, my undergraduate was in psychology and I learned how to design and implement and then write about scientific experiments. And it is not fun. It is dreadful, it is detail oriented and there is a way that you do it.

Papa Rick (50:06.626)
Okay.

Papa Rick (50:15.425)
Yeah.

Papa Rick (50:22.376)
It is technical, man. Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (50:29.826)
and there's statistics, there's like, there's all, it's math and like, and it is, well, but anyway, but it taught me.

Papa Rick (50:38.286)
Here's my data and here's why my data is to be paid attention to and.

Jennifer Hayes (50:42.526)
Right. Well, and now I'm like, this is great because I can go to any scientific journal, academic, whatever paper and I can read it and understand it. Right. And I can read it and I can pull apart an experiment that someone else designed and implemented and decide if that is actually a valid experimentation method or if there were biases that came into play or your control group wasn't.

Papa Rick (51:03.722)
Yep. Yep.

Jennifer Hayes (51:12.042)
wasn't actually controlled, et cetera. There's multiple, too many variables. Too many variables, yeah. Like you can't actually say that that's the conclusion because there's the A, B, and C variable that you didn't measure for. And so sometimes it's about, it's so dry, social media is way more fun. Watching a TV show, watching a YouTube clip.

Papa Rick (51:14.910)
Or yeah, or find some hole, yeah, and do a better one of your own, you know? Yeah.

Papa Rick (51:27.434)
Yeah. It also explains why the...

Papa Rick (51:38.987)
Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (51:39.178)
All that stuff is way more fun to take in information and there's value in that because there's people who can take the science and the...

Jennifer Hayes (51:53.646)
technical language and put it into just normal English for the rest of us. There's so much value in that. Right. And that's what we're doing.

Papa Rick (51:55.584)
Mm-hmm.

Papa Rick (51:59.862)
Well, that's necessary for people who aren't experts. Yeah, if you're a real expert in your field, you have to dumb it down. Yeah, so people with normal vocabularies who aren't astrophysicists can understand what you're talking about. It's still interesting. But there's a good set of videos somewhere. I forget where I saw them. It's like where it's experts. Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Jennifer Hayes (52:21.878)
Hold on. I wasn't, dad, I wasn't, you were, you were really interrupting me a lot. Um, so there's value in people who can take the technical language and break it down and put it into just regular people terms. Um, and that's partly like, that's some of what we're doing. I'm taking all of my education and trying to put it into an entertaining format and teaching people.

Jennifer Hayes (52:51.986)
It's also important that you're able to distinguish between like bullshit and actual proven science. And so you've got to take yourself off. Yeah. You've got to take yourself off social media and download a scientific journal and read it and try and, you know, whatever, but it's not. You can skip over all the technical crap. You can go to the summary and just read the summary that's in semi-basic terms.

Papa Rick (53:00.142)
Critical thinking.

Papa Rick (53:19.454)
Yeah, the abstract at the beginning. Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (53:22.910)
Yeah, well, you can read the abstract, but if you're looking for just the conclusion, like the findings, just go to the summary conclusion. It's easier to read than the, the abstract talks about the design of the experiment and the statistics, and that can get confusing. But go to the summary, go to the conclusion, the results, and just read that paragraph, and you can pull facts.

Papa Rick (53:30.610)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Papa Rick (53:38.302)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jennifer Hayes (53:49.806)
actual information from a research article versus scrolling social media for an hour and a half. And then you just walk away like, well, there's 18 different opinions, which one is right? You know?

Papa Rick (53:56.086)
Yeah, yeah.

Papa Rick (54:03.574)
And the point I wanted to make was amid all that is yes, there are studies that are less good. And it is so laborious to produce a good scientific study. That's where people tend, that's where people get tempted to cheat and fabricate or extrapolate data or something. And that's why the peer review, you know, you have other people who do understand all the jargon, look at it and say, no, that's a crummy experiment, not valid.

Jennifer Hayes (54:21.057)
Yeah.

Papa Rick (54:32.482)
And so, you know, even better is to get a hold of copies of Nature Magazine or something, where things are being or have been peer reviewed. Academia.org, it's not necessarily peer reviewed. But then, you know, the best place to hear it is from find somebody who's authoritative. Has it?

Jennifer Hayes (54:51.156)
If it's a thesis, it has gone through a rigorous process of passing boards. There are boards that is so all along the way with a thesis, you have to submit all along the way, it takes some people two or three years to complete a thesis because they're submitting.

Papa Rick (54:55.370)
PhD theses are rigorous, okay.

Papa Rick (55:03.754)
Mm-hmm.

Papa Rick (55:12.510)
Oh, absolutely.

Jennifer Hayes (55:13.030)
their research and their argument points, et cetera, all along the way. And they have to argue it with panels of professors who are experts in their field all along the way before they actually get to go defend their thesis to the final stage. So I would say that a PhD thesis is a fairly rigorously approved paper.

Papa Rick (55:23.338)
Yep. You have to prove it.

Papa Rick (55:31.863)
Yeah.

Papa Rick (55:39.702)
Yep. Yeah. Yeah. So there's all kinds of information out there. If you got to, it helps to not have, not get it off of social media where it's diluted and you don't have to go right straight to, you know, looking at the tables in the, in the research. It's good to find somebody who can summarize it and learn, learn what, so learn what sources you can trust and which ones are not, you know, who's been it's like a password manager who's been hacked and who hasn't.

Jennifer Hayes (55:41.974)
But yeah, peer reviewed journals.

Jennifer Hayes (56:08.884)
Yeah.

Papa Rick (56:10.090)
You know, find, learn to tell who's credible about what. Yeah, I know you're a famous actor. That doesn't make you a political analyst or, you know, you got to, okay, does this guy know about politics or not? You have to be able to judge.

Jennifer Hayes (56:27.270)
Um, so the last.

Jennifer Hayes (56:32.086)
The last thing that I want to touch on on this topic is the importance of discussing social media or TV, you know, whatever your kids watch on TV or in movies. Like it's not just about no and stop asking and we're going to move on. It's about having like social media is a real thing. It exists in the world. And

Papa Rick (56:46.292)
Mm-hmm.

Papa Rick (56:53.966)
Hehehehe

Papa Rick (56:57.432)
Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (56:58.262)
Just like anything else, you need to sit down and have a conversation about it. And maybe you're gonna have to have that conversation multiple times because kids have questions. Kids don't know how the world works. And so sitting down with your kid, you can even pull up Instagram on your phone or whatever and show them what it is and be like, this is not a real picture. This person is filter, like there's a filter on this photo. You can even pull up your own.

Papa Rick (57:06.422)
and on different levels. Yeah.

Papa Rick (57:22.174)
You won't see it very well, but yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (57:24.930)
Pull up your photo album and show them and go into the edits and you can put filters on things. How easy it is to make things look so different than they look through a camera lens or in real life. Sit down, if you're a kid, whether they're seven or 14 or 17 and they're begging for a smartphone, begging to have access, have social media accounts, et cetera.

Papa Rick (57:36.386)
Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (57:55.278)
Because you can also have social media on a home computer. So it's not just smartphones. Smartphones just make it easy to be on it constantly. But have a conversation about it. Talk about the things that actually happen on the internet, the way that people can get to you, predators, et cetera, and the reasons that it's not healthy for you to be watching, scrolling people's highlight reels. Because that's not.

Papa Rick (58:03.762)
extra access soon.

Papa Rick (58:16.234)
No. Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (58:24.862)
It's not real life. And until your brain is fully developed and capable of differentiating and going, that's not like, oh, that's cool to look at. And I don't need to compare myself to that ever because that's someone's highlight reel or whatever. And really like you and I were talking before and I said, when you turn 18, you can go buy yourself one. I would prefer developmentally, cognitively.

Papa Rick (58:43.886)
Hmm.

Jennifer Hayes (58:53.767)
We probably shouldn't be on social media till we're about 25.

Papa Rick (58:57.895)
That would be my knee jerk is like, you know, you don't need a phone. I wonder if you could turn it into a power of good by helping your child develop a highlight reel. So then they understand. I mean, if they're going to be watching highlight reels, well, then, okay, let's make, what would your highlight reel though? What would you like to put out there and let them understand that that stuff they're seeing out there is a produced show.

Oh, well, let's fix your hair up. So it looks, oh, let's go shopping for filters. Oh. And so when they're looking at it, they're looking at 77 hours of work. Somebody did to look at bunny rabbit ears coming out of their head and stuff. It's not real anymore.

Jennifer Hayes (59:26.574)
Right? Yep.

Jennifer Hayes (59:37.126)
Yes. Look at you and your transparency in boundary setting, having conversations and not just like, okay, you want to, you want, you want to do that? Let's sit down and look at what it actually takes to do it. Not a very real. Yeah. Well, and so that's actually a good idea.

Papa Rick (59:45.016)
Yeah.

Papa Rick (59:47.466)
Hehehehehehe

Papa Rick (59:51.662)
Do you want to do that? That's right, let's do one. Let's work on it together.

Papa Rick (01:00:01.078)
Or get your teachers to do it at school as a project to help kids. I think that's a fantastic idea. You know, to understand the process or an aunt, you know, who's got time to do it. That will be time consuming. And so finding an adult to do that, that's going to be another resource issue for parents. But get the schools to do it.

Jennifer Hayes (01:00:09.730)
There's...

Jennifer Hayes (01:00:20.978)
Yeah. Well, it doesn't need to be, could just be a one-time, one-time thing or whatever. But, but there's, I also saw, I saw this and I really liked this idea because I've always thought like once there, there are kids old enough to be receiving phone calls running around my house from their own friends that we would get a landline. But I saw, but I saw

Papa Rick (01:00:28.450)
Her kid.

Papa Rick (01:00:41.486)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's a real 1950s.

Jennifer Hayes (01:00:51.702)
but I saw this just a random parent on TikTok who decided to get a house smartphone. So it doesn't belong, I don't know. I think she has three, I think she has three kids, but she got a house. So she has a cell phone, her partner has a cell phone and then her children all, you know, started to become the age of wanting a phone, wanting to be able to talk to their friends.

Papa Rick (01:00:58.389)
Mm-hmm.

Papa Rick (01:01:04.459)
Huh.

Papa Rick (01:01:08.494)
three kids.

Papa Rick (01:01:19.062)
Alright.

Jennifer Hayes (01:01:20.030)
And so their compromise was, okay, we'll get a house smartphone. And the iPhone stays at the house. It never leaves the house for any reason.

Papa Rick (01:01:24.406)
Yeah, that's a great idea.

Papa Rick (01:01:31.986)
Yeah. Yeah. Do not walk off with this. Do not take it in your bedroom.

Jennifer Hayes (01:01:35.246)
So, yeah, so it stays in the house and it stays in a shared space. So like the kitchen or the living room. And there's a cutoff time. So like bedtime, you know, whatever, an hour before bedtime, the phone is cut off. You can't call your friends. Your friends can't call you. Like you'll talk to them tomorrow. And there's no social media on it. There's no, you know.

Papa Rick (01:01:41.814)
Yeah. Yeah.

Papa Rick (01:01:52.438)
Yeah. Yeah.

Papa Rick (01:01:58.738)
off at night. Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (01:02:04.831)
stuff like that, but it's also used as a research tool. So if one of the kids wants to look something up, instead of the parent having to hand over their phone for a minute, they can go to the house phone and Google something.

Papa Rick (01:02:16.386)
Yeah, yeah. That was one of my rules with you guys. There's no, there's no point in, I forget where I heard it. There's no point in arguing over facts. Go look it up. Get an encyclopedia or an asset, you know, you know, dating myself. That's how I learned. That's how I figured out there was no Santa Claus as I went and looked him up in the encyclopedia Americana circa 1947.

Jennifer Hayes (01:02:26.619)
Back then it was Encyclopedia.

Jennifer Hayes (01:02:37.382)
You looked up a satac-

Papa Rick (01:02:43.134)
I remember using that same set of encyclopedias in chemistry in high school and the laws of thermodynamics were wrong. They had changed since that encyclopedia was published. Yeah, my parents bought it for like my oldest brother and sister and it was a little out of date by the time I got it. But it had straight poop on Santa Claus. We were at a family dinner.

Jennifer Hayes (01:02:53.810)
Jesus, yeah.

Papa Rick (01:03:07.934)
And they were, it was Christmas time and they were talking to me about Santa Claus. And I had done my research and went and got the encyclopedia and brought it back in. It says, it says Santa Claus is a mythological character. And I asked my brothers and sisters about that sometime. Yeah. So, uh, old enough to just being be disavowed of Santa Claus. I don't know. Six, seven, eight, nine. I could read apparently.

Jennifer Hayes (01:03:13.584)
Oh my god.

Jennifer Hayes (01:03:26.894)
How old were you?

Papa Rick (01:03:38.170)
older than I would care to admit. I forget when I, I don't know when I read and walked and all that kind of stuff.

Jennifer Hayes (01:03:38.454)
Well, I mean, you could have been five.

Jennifer Hayes (01:03:44.543)
I was eight before I like was really like settled in the fact that Santa wasn't real.

Papa Rick (01:03:52.778)
We moved into that house when I was five, so it was post five.

Jennifer Hayes (01:03:57.759)
Yeah.

Papa Rick (01:03:58.806)
post five, pre 17 when I left for college.

Jennifer Hayes (01:04:01.942)
I'm surprised that it took you anywhere past five because you had four older brothers and sisters who were significantly older and knew that Santa was not real.

Papa Rick (01:04:12.334)
You'll have to ask my surviving brothers and sisters. They'll remember better than me. But that's a distract, that's just an old story. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Jennifer Hayes (01:04:16.734)
Right? John and Linda. John and Linda, email me or text me and tell me, how old was Rick when he read you the encyclopedia at the table telling you that Santa Claus was not real?

Papa Rick (01:04:29.374)
Yeah. Yeah, that was, that was, but there, but that the idea of having Google in the house, just like the old, I was laughing at the, oh gosh, you know, the, the forties and fifties kids over arguing over phones, the super long cords, you know, that's such a great, that's such a great idea. Having one. Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (01:04:47.566)
Mm-hmm. Well, then there were cordless phones came along and I got a purple, a purple transparent one in my room. I finally got my own phone because I was getting the bulk of the calls anyway.

Papa Rick (01:04:56.414)
Yeah. Yeah. Little princess phone kind of thing. Yeah, that's right. That's right. As girls do.

Jennifer Hayes (01:05:03.638)
I remember sprinting. You remember, I don't even answer my phone now. And I remember sprinting to beat Josh or Nathan to the phone, to answer the phone at the house if the phone rang.

Papa Rick (01:05:07.618)
It was urgent. It was urgent. Yeah. Yeah.

Papa Rick (01:05:18.102)
And that's why social media is so pernicious, is bad, because you take it, you know, at that age, you take it so seriously. Somebody called me. Used to be I got a piece of mail, yay. You know, the outside world communicated with me. Kids take that growing up stuff very seriously, you know? And that's part of why learning to do laundries. Hmm?

Jennifer Hayes (01:05:27.030)
Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (01:05:38.870)
Being in constant contact isn't good for anybody at any age. That constant availability, it's still a balancing act for me.

Papa Rick (01:05:46.250)
Oh, I remember getting after you guys. I'd hear, I'd hear, it was during the divorce, I think, and I'd hear your phones going off at two in the morning. You know, and then you'd complain about being, I remember Yag, I don't know how successful I was, but I remember Yag and you guys about turned your phone off when you go to bed.

Jennifer Hayes (01:06:04.530)
Yep. I would wake up at two. I would leave my phone on buzz or loud or whatever, because I wanted to wake up at 2 a.m. if I got a text and reply.

Papa Rick (01:06:14.246)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so nobody, if any one of your whole circle of friends had a thought, nobody got a good night's sleep in the whole circle. What a what a ripple effect.

Jennifer Hayes (01:06:23.959)
Right.

Jennifer Hayes (01:06:26.614)
And at 2 a.m., you don't even want to know the thoughts that we were being texted at 2 a.m.

Papa Rick (01:06:33.536)
Oh, that would be a book. That would be research. If you could go back and have the NSA recover all those texts amongst 12 and 15 year old girls that happened between midnight and 4 a.m. You know, there'd be an interesting study if you could get a hold of that kind of data. What are they? What is so important?

Jennifer Hayes (01:06:56.427)
It was... yeah...

Jennifer Hayes (01:07:00.098)
There was, it was most... I don't know what other people's experience was. Mine was 2am from boys.

Papa Rick (01:07:01.910)
Good hard data.

Papa Rick (01:07:07.054)
Oh, it wasn't the girlfriends talking about boys. It was boys. Well, that makes sense. Ker- Ker-Rosen. Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (01:07:14.719)
Boys out running around town being idiots and then texting girls at two in the morning.

Papa Rick (01:07:21.330)
impressing the girls. That makes total sense. That all makes sense now.

Jennifer Hayes (01:07:24.622)
That's, that's the, those are the texts I got. Girls, my girlfriends were all asleep or getting texts from their guys. Whichever guys were pining after them.

Papa Rick (01:07:27.542)
Girls. Girls. Guys. Guys trying to impress girls.

Papa Rick (01:07:35.478)
totally makes sense. Switch it.

Papa Rick (01:07:38.998)
Which underlines the age, right? Everybody's hormones are kicking in. Ugh, ugh. Yeah, so another example of nothing productive goes on between midnight or two in the morning. Pick your, yeah, it's just, there's no good activity. There's no need for that. Shield your parents. Shield your kids' parents.

Jennifer Hayes (01:07:42.910)
18, 19, 20, yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (01:07:54.111)
after 10 p.m.

Jennifer Hayes (01:07:57.966)
Oh my God. I have had, so as often, as often as you guys would say to me when I was, you know, a teenager wanting to go out and do stuff and have late curfew and blah, blah, blah. And you, you know, the quote that nothing good happens after midnight or whatever, you know, back then I was just like, oh, okay. But now as an adult, like, as an adult who goes to bed at 9 p.m.

Papa Rick (01:08:15.562)
Yeah. Yeah.

Papa Rick (01:08:21.125)
Hahahaha!

Jennifer Hayes (01:08:27.090)
and who has been out at all hours of the night. I'm like, I'm like, oh yeah, anything after midnight is just stupid. Like anything after midnight is just a bad choice. Even now, even now I'm like, anything that happens after midnight, don't invite me.

Papa Rick (01:08:30.026)
Yeah. You ran with friends. Yeah.

Papa Rick (01:08:35.552)
Nothing.

Papa Rick (01:08:38.038)
Yeah, nothing.

Papa Rick (01:08:45.558)
Yeah. Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (01:08:48.286)
If it starts after, if it starts after 8 PM, don't invite me. No, I'm coming. It's not worth it. Cause I will be there for an hour.

Papa Rick (01:08:53.918)
Yeah, it's not going to last long or I'm not going to be much fun.

Papa Rick (01:09:02.826)
We used to do our Good Fridays and they would start at dinner time, you know, getting together with every, with our Good Friday crowd and we'd go till, you know, two in the morning. They would, when we first started doing that, they'd go till two in the morning.

Jennifer Hayes (01:09:12.990)
Yeah. But you would bring your kid and we would all, like all the kids would get together and hang out and do, like, it was a different thing. And it was at somebody's house.

Papa Rick (01:09:18.842)
It was a whole tribal thing. Yeah. Well, and then, then where I'm going is we were younger when we got older and it wasn't the kids mostly, you know, older kids once in a while, but they, they, we have a good Friday now and it is over by 10 or earlier. Everybody says, I've had enough. I've had enough fun caught a catch up. We're done. It's we would say hang around longer, but.

Jennifer Hayes (01:09:38.428)
Mwahaha

Papa Rick (01:09:48.338)
We all want to go to bed by 10 o'clock at night.

Jennifer Hayes (01:09:50.442)
Yeah. Well, and the trade off is different now because like if I keep, if I drink more and the, like the fun, the fun that we're going to have between 9 PM and midnight is not worth the level of hangover and or exhaustion I'm going to experience eight hours from now. So yeah, the trade off becomes.

Papa Rick (01:10:03.338)
Mm-hmm.

Papa Rick (01:10:09.078)
just tiredness the next day.

Papa Rick (01:10:14.562)
That's a big friend.

Jennifer Hayes (01:10:16.826)
sways the other direction. It's like, I want to stay and have all the fun. And this won't like, this will suck, but I'll get over it. And it's swung the other way where it's like, love you. Bye.

Papa Rick (01:10:18.658)
You do it for a while.

Papa Rick (01:10:28.546)
You've got like a sliding window. You're able to see eight hours ahead. Think eight hours ahead automatically. And it's like, yeah, this would be more fun, but I can't stop thinking about 6 30 tomorrow morning when I have to go to work or church or just wake up and the kids are going to be up and. Yeah. Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (01:10:43.618)
Yeah, well, and the hangover gets worse. The hangover gets worse past, I mean, Jesus, for me, it was like, I was like 28 when I was like, alcohol just isn't it for me.

Papa Rick (01:10:55.422)
Had to give it up. Yeah, too much wear and tear. I think that's about where it slows down.

Jennifer Hayes (01:10:59.778)
But I think most people hit like 35, 40 before they start being like, maybe this isn't worth it anymore. My body is not recovering.

Papa Rick (01:11:11.286)
So a lot of wisdom, you know, older people, older but wiser, a lot of that is just physiology. You start to wear out, you get older, you'll learn that alcohol's... Like it, this is less fun than it used to be.

Jennifer Hayes (01:11:20.614)
Yeah, like your body, you just get older. It just hurts more.

Jennifer Hayes (01:11:27.250)
If it felt the same as it felt at 20, we'd all still be doing it.

Papa Rick (01:11:31.158)
Yeah, exactly. That's what just occurred to me. It's not the behavior that we're learning anything about. It's just we can't handle it anymore. That's a sad commentary.

Jennifer Hayes (01:11:40.938)
Yeah. And that's why young people look at us and they're just like, you're lame. Because it doesn't feel bad to them anymore because we are lame. Yeah.

Papa Rick (01:11:48.654)
Because we are. Yeah, yeah, that's because we are. They're right. Okay, we're learning both directions here. Yeah, we got lame. Getting old and lame. Literally, lame. Like, can't walk straight. You have to shoot, you have to shoot me. I've gone lame.

Jennifer Hayes (01:11:54.410)
Yeah. Right?

Jennifer Hayes (01:11:58.990)
We got lame. It's not literally lame. Yeah, like you have a broken leg, like you're lame. It's our bodies are done growing and now we're just slowly deteriorating and alcohol just speeds up the process.

Papa Rick (01:12:11.822)
The trick, yep, yep, the secret is to do that as slowly. Once you get to the peak, you know, over the hill, then the trick is to do it as slow, downside as slowly as possible. There's a funny little book in that somewhere. I haven't seen that before. Maybe it's already been written.

Jennifer Hayes (01:12:32.754)
I see these memes.

Papa Rick (01:12:36.087)
Mm-hm.

Jennifer Hayes (01:12:36.546)
that are like, when I was like 27, 28, 29, I always saw the 30s, like, welcome to your 30s, where your neck always hurts for no reason and bedtime is now strictly at 9 p.m. or something. And I looked at the calendar, I was like, I'm 28 and I already do that. And now I'm 34.

Papa Rick (01:12:51.196)
Take some things. Yeah.

Papa Rick (01:12:58.970)
Oh crap. Ha ha ha ha.

Jennifer Hayes (01:13:02.818)
And I see memes that are like, welcome to your forties, where this sags and this hurts, you know, and bedtime is it or whatever. And I'm like, I already do all of those things, okay?

Papa Rick (01:13:15.182)
People in their 30s, they can still, for the most part, they can still do an impression of themselves in high school. They can pick up a football and throw it, you know, a reasonable distance. And it's not...

Jennifer Hayes (01:13:30.394)
Mmm. Yeah, I could still probably kill it on the volleyball court.

Papa Rick (01:13:33.650)
I started karate with you guys at like 38 and that was good for five or six or seven years but...

Jennifer Hayes (01:13:40.398)
You were only a few years older than me when you started karate with us.

Papa Rick (01:13:43.946)
with you guys and by the time that was getting over with, the diabetes was catching up with me and I was getting slower and slower to heal, right? It's like when I started doing that, you get a scrape or some catch a fingernail or something and it's like, okay, that would heal pretty normally. And then I, you know, in the 40s is when my metabolism, early 40s, my metabolism slowed down and it was...

Papa Rick (01:14:12.254)
It was different. It was more wear and tear. It's like, I can do this, but it takes me long. I'm not, I don't think I got to the point where I wouldn't heal up by the next session because we were going, you know, three times, two, three times a week. For a long time there, but yeah, I remember, you know, it's pure, pure metabolism and you start to heal slower and you know, it's just wear and tear, man.

Jennifer Hayes (01:14:33.302)
Well, it's mitochondria. So the mitochondria in your cells, in your blood cells, in all the cells of your body, are the powerhouse and they're like the regenerative part. And so there's a lot of research out now that like there's certain supplements like NAD+, glutathione, things like that, that you can take to re-strengthen the mitochondria and give your cells

Papa Rick (01:14:44.415)
Is that it?

Papa Rick (01:14:53.422)
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Papa Rick (01:14:59.788)
Ooh!

Jennifer Hayes (01:15:01.698)
that energy and regrowth and support and whatnot. And there's lots of health or functional medicine doctors and health people out there that are like, take these stuff like we're trying to get younger, grow younger, right? Cause your bodily functions just start to get slower and less powerful. And so that's what aging is. And if we can halt

Papa Rick (01:15:18.486)
Cool. Yeah, yeah.

Papa Rick (01:15:25.270)
Yeah.

Jennifer Hayes (01:15:28.326)
or reverse it by taking a supplement that supports that metabolic part of our system where we regenerate, then you can live longer and not age. So it's not, well, and it's not even about living longer. It's about being 80 and still having a functional physical form so that you're living a quality of life that is worth living, right?

Papa Rick (01:15:36.599)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Papa Rick (01:15:49.058)
That's right, quality of life.

Papa Rick (01:15:56.798)
I'm all for that. I still take Melaleuca every day, which helps with my blood sugar and inflammation. And you know, it's just good for you. I'd be interested to see a link on mitochondria boosters.

Jennifer Hayes (01:15:56.799)
You can still go do stuff.

Jennifer Hayes (01:16:15.045)
I'll send it to you. Do you know Mark Hyman?

Papa Rick (01:16:15.606)
We can find one. Hey, can we take, can we take it? Hyman, that sounds familiar. H-Y-M-A-N.

Jennifer Hayes (01:16:24.210)
Yeah. I follow him on Instagram. I followed him for years. He's only recently blown up, but I've followed him for a really long time. Josh's brother-in-law, Jonathan is a functional medicine doctor. And he does a lot with, with a mitochondrial, mitochondrial, um,

Papa Rick (01:16:25.514)
Yeah, I've seen that somewhere. I've run into him.

Papa Rick (01:16:40.426)
Yeah. Oh, is that what he'd done? I knew he'd had all kinds of letters.

Papa Rick (01:16:51.189)
Get out.

Jennifer Hayes (01:16:51.906)
boost with glutathione and NAD plus and stuff. It's expensive. It's expensive as, yeah. I took NAD plus for like two months, but I mean, it was like $50 a month to keep taking it. Yeah.

Papa Rick (01:17:00.522)
Alright, I will look into that. Oh really? You're not mass producing it synthetically yet.

Papa Rick (01:17:13.314)
Wow. Hey, I gotta go pee. Can we take a break for just two minutes? I'll be right back.

Jennifer Hayes (01:17:17.642)
That's fine. Yeah, no go pee. We're mostly, we're done with the topic. So we're just gonna, we just need to close. So, well, no, go pee and then.

Papa Rick (01:17:25.874)
Okay, well, let's go ahead and close. I can management. Okay.

Jennifer Hayes (01:17:30.638)
close later.

Jennifer Hayes (01:17:58.830)
Can you lay down please? Bain, lay down.

Jennifer Hayes (01:18:32.002)
Bain lay down.

Jennifer Hayes (01:18:43.714)
Bane, lay down.

Jennifer Hayes (01:18:47.222)
Lay down.

Jennifer Hayes (01:18:50.615)
Lay down.

Jennifer Hayes (01:18:54.016)
You are freaked out.

Papa Rick (01:20:12.403)
OK. Sorry about that.

Jennifer Hayes (01:20:16.654)
It's okay.

Papa Rick (01:20:21.890)
What was the first name? Hyam? Hyaman?

Jennifer Hayes (01:20:22.210)
Um...

Jennifer Hayes (01:20:25.639)
I'm in, I'll text it to you.

Papa Rick (01:20:26.402)
where I've seen it.

Jennifer Hayes (01:20:32.010)
or crime in.

Jennifer Hayes (01:20:35.202)
Buzz buzz. So.

Papa Rick (01:20:38.050)
YouTube. I'm kind of hooked on YouTube.

Jennifer Hayes (01:20:47.234)
So yeah, I...

Jennifer Hayes (01:20:51.854)
the, uh, let's see. So smartphones, social media, um, access to social media apps, lots of screen time and YouTube and tick tock and all that stuff. Um, it's yeah, it's just not, it's not good. It's not good for, for developing brains and, um, minimizing it and, you know, thinking about it and discussing it with your parenting partner if you have one. And.

I'm really coming up with a plan that feels good according to the values of your family. It's just something I would encourage everyone to do. And if you are allowing access to social media, of course, putting in parent passwords and blocks to specific websites, etc., making sure that you guys have full transparency with your kids as far as messaging and who's messaging them and who they're friends with.

making sure their profiles are private so they can't just be found by anybody, things like that. Not needing to read messages that they're having with their friends because there's also the importance of privacy for your children. That's a human right. But knowing who is messaging them to make sure that they are not in contact with someone who's catfishing or creepy or whatever.

Papa Rick (01:22:19.402)
Yeah. Are there resources for learning how to keep your kids safe?

Jennifer Hayes (01:22:21.087)
and then just talking about.

Jennifer Hayes (01:22:27.586)
I mean, I'm sure there are, I don't know any of them off the top of my head, but you could also just like YouTube, there's like how to put in parent locks and stuff on devices, you can just YouTube that. But I don't know any experts or anything. I'm gonna link the Jonathan Haight and Tim Ferriss in the show notes. I'm gonna link Mark Haight, well, I don't know about that. I'm gonna link.

Papa Rick (01:22:42.174)
I'll look into that.

Jennifer Hayes (01:22:55.254)
Google Scholar, PubMed, National, oh, I can't remember what it's called. There's like five different peer-reviewed journal websites type, you know, academic websites of proven research, et cetera, for access for everybody. And yeah, the last thing I just wanna reiterate is like talk to your kids. Don't just say no to social media, no to a cell phone and be like, don't ever ask me again.

Papa Rick (01:23:02.218)
of the fight.

Jennifer Hayes (01:23:24.410)
Um, it can be an ongoing conversation and have transparency and show them why social media is not good for them. Show them how long it takes to make that real. Like you said, dad, um, like show them the reality of what goes on the internet versus what the actual world is like

Jennifer Hayes (01:46:33.826)
was a fun reflection. I'm cutting, I'm cutting like the last 40 minutes of this. This is just you and me chatting. It's okay. I want to

Papa Rick (01:46:40.218)
Do you save these somewhere? I would like to have these like a home video collection of just the raw tape. I'd like to have the collection of the, I'd like a collection of the raw stuff myself, just to go back and look on, look at when I can't get away from the computer anymore.

Jennifer Hayes (01:46:44.982)
Yeah, well, they're all saved. And then you cut clips.

Jennifer Hayes (01:46:53.570)
So.

Jennifer Hayes (01:46:58.190)
I want to finish closing out. So I'll put this stuff in the links, everything we've talked about. And then I just want to remind everybody that we do have a Patreon now. We have different levels. So for as little as $5 a month, you can support the mission to support parents everywhere because if there is a population that needs it, that needs extra support in this world, it is parents.

Papa Rick (01:47:03.000)
okay

Jennifer Hayes (01:47:26.506)
And then lastly, start emailing me your parenting stories. So your favorite parent experiences, your least favorite parent experiences, your oops, I fucked that up experience, your questions like what about this? What about that? Your, let's see, the one, the parenting.

Papa Rick (01:47:33.216)
Yes.

Jennifer Hayes (01:47:54.214)
Experience where you go, oh shit, I've turned into my mom or oh shit, I've turned into my dad. Um, your funniest kid stories. Send us your, your silly kid stories. Shit your kids have done. Shit your stuff your kids have said. Like just anything. Shit. Yeah. Well, I'll do a whole ass episode called shit. My shit our kids have done or shit. My kids have said, I think that'll be funny.

Papa Rick (01:47:58.518)
Yeah. Or anything funny. Yeah.

Papa Rick (01:48:08.788)
That's the name of a segment. Shit my kid has done.

Jennifer Hayes (01:48:19.414)
But we want to start doing, at least I want to start doing like the first of the month doing the first episode of the month doing parent, parent stories and questions. So if you are struggling with something specific with your kids or you've always wondered or you're looking for alternatives to something, Jesus.

Papa Rick (01:48:39.918)
Flash.

Jennifer Hayes (01:48:42.166)
It's like a...

Papa Rick (01:48:42.466)
swallow the fly.

Jennifer Hayes (01:48:46.774)
You're looking for suggestions on a specific situation or whatever. Anything, anything parenting, anything at all. Send it in jenny at jennyb.co. Jesus. Jenny at jennyb.co. It's in the show notes. Uh, check the show notes for the Patreon link and everything, literally everything else is also there. All the links, all the information. Um,

Research articles. Yeah. And our next episode is a guest episode. And we will be talking to a mom and woman who also supports parents and moms. And so if you are looking for support, check into that one. Checking. She's really good in the this.

Jennifer Hayes (01:49:45.698)
self-care realm, how to take care of yourself, how to be self-care, how to be, how to be, you know, in tune with yourself so that you can be in tune with your kids and your, and your family and all of that. So.

Papa Rick (01:49:48.158)
In the who? Oh, okay. Self care.

Papa Rick (01:49:56.746)
Yeah, please put your oxygen mask on first so you can help other people.

Jennifer Hayes (01:50:01.354)
Yes. Yes. Cool.

Papa Rick (01:50:07.534)
on guy you know any anything that you want to hear about anything we haven't discussed that you'd like to anything you think is wrong if you've got research that refutes you know love anything anything anything that's right I'm that's gonna be a that's gonna be a big thing yeah show me the research and then we'll argue about the quality of the research or something you know it's

Jennifer Hayes (01:50:07.884)
Anything else?

Jennifer Hayes (01:50:24.309)
Show me the literature that says social media is good for your kids.

Jennifer Hayes (01:50:36.223)
Yeah.

Papa Rick (01:50:36.518)
We all want to learn. We want, I mean, the purpose here is to make the world a better place for me. And, uh, you know, improving parenting and so anything you think might lead to that, uh, or have some fun along the way. I, I'm yeah, send us all kinds of good stuff.

Jennifer Hayes (01:50:52.846)
Okay, everybody open your email right now.

Papa Rick (01:50:56.898)
Send us three bucks so we can keep doing it.

Jennifer Hayes (01:51:00.250)
Oh, and if you email me today, the day that this episode comes out, Thursday, April 27th, if you email me today because you are a loyal listener who listens the day that we release the episode and you send me an email with a parenting question, story, comment, suggestion, whatever. If you email me at jenny at jennyb.co, you will get a five to…

Papa Rick (01:51:00.739)
forever.

Papa Rick (01:51:14.690)
There you go.

Jennifer Hayes (01:51:28.851)
$11 Starbucks card, depending on our, yeah, we don't know what it depends on.

Papa Rick (01:51:30.678)
Whatever Starbucks costs these days. Yeah.

Papa Rick (01:51:38.818)
I'll also do some research and find out how much the most expensive cup of coffee at Starbucks is.

Jennifer Hayes (01:51:43.018)
Right? With the like oat milk with four shots of espresso and three different flavors pumped in.

Papa Rick (01:51:46.881)
Hahaha

Papa Rick (01:51:50.918)
I can't believe they don't have alcohol yet. I, when is Starbucks going to go, you know, here's, and here's a shot of bourbon.

Jennifer Hayes (01:51:57.974)
Well, you can't get it through the drive-throughs.

Jennifer Hayes (01:52:02.190)
How profitable could it be?

Papa Rick (01:52:02.641)
There you go. There you go. Oh, alcohol? Oh, that's what makes the world go round.

Jennifer Hayes (01:52:07.094)
People just bring their own little mini Bailey's in their purse and dump it in themselves.

Papa Rick (01:52:11.262)
See, I have not thought it through. That would be just too easy, wouldn't it? I had not thought that one through at all. Don't drink and drive, especially with your kids in the back or the front or anywhere else. Okay, sorry.

Jennifer Hayes (01:52:18.294)
Don't do that guys, don't drink and drive. We don't support that. Nope. No.

Jennifer Hayes (01:52:27.890)
All right. I love it. We will see you all next week. We love you. Thank you. Goodbye.

Jennifer Hayes (01:52:37.239)
You wanna say bye?

Papa Rick (01:52:38.722)
Bye.