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What About Me (WAM) is a space for healing the inner child, finding your voice, and reclaiming your power. Join host Emma as she shares her journey of self-discovery and invites others to speak up, stand up, and heal from the inside out.
Today we're going to talk about
something that can shift everything
when you understand it and accept
where you are with the holidays.
In 2021, COVID was on everybody's mind.
There seemed to be no end in sight.
The isolation just continues.
And of course, as we all
have lived through it.
We are reminded of the time when only
family members could spend time together
as Thanksgiving roll around.
My partner took a trip out of town
to be with his mom and family,
and I am mutually on that trip.
However.
That year I was scheduled to
work on Thanksgiving, and so I
could not make the trip with him,
As the holiday drew closer, sir,
my sensitive heart.
I could feel the change in
the season of my marriage that
something was very imminent.
I loved my new family For the
first time in my life, I had
celebrations for holidays like
Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays.
Based on my religious
upbringing, those were rejected.
For each season, there was an explanation
why we did not celebrate those holidays.
For example, Christmas, we were informed
that it was not Christ's birthday.
What was interesting is in spite
of the fact that we are , taught
we do not celebrate Christmas, but
during Christmas season, on our
day of worship for that season, we
usually have a Christmas sermon.
We sing Christmas carols.
There was no gift giving.
There was no decorations, no trees, yet.
We wish everyone a merry Christmas
the day off, so it left my child mind
very confused of this , contradiction.
Upon my migration to the United States,
this further compound, this confusion with
the way members of the same faith actually
celebrate each season here, including
the decorations and the gift giving.
And so imagine after living this
new lifestyle with my new family
for years to have each celebration.
That year while my partner was out
of town, the family who lived locally
had their family celebration, posted
their photos on social media, I was
privy to this as I stayed home alone.
I was living an estrangement from
my stepchildren whom I had learned
to love as much as my own child.
For years, it seemed that we were
close, and I have no real ideas of my
crime . Or why we had turned into enemies
and I was being treated as an outcast.
The separation and isolation and
discard felt like a physical blow.
It was a reminder of the
countless times prior when I was
abandoned, discarded not chosen.
My heart bled for the love and
acceptance of family and community.
I thought I finally had.
they did not feel the same way.
I relived all the past memories
of abandonment in my own family.
And past relationships and friendships.
I saw the runaway train of
my life and the people and
circumstances I had no control over.
I had a husband who was doing nothing to
correct the derailment of our life, the
one that he had instigated by oversharing
our marriage to his adult children.
The realization that I had no recourse,
no community, no tribe of my own remind
me that I am truly, again, on my own.
I could not fabricate a solution
to my plight except for my job.
I made a decision at that time that
going forward I would work as much
major holidays as possible, thus
allowing others with family and
community to have the time off.
I would give my time for others
who wanted to get that family time.
Self-care during this
season is so important.
Planning to go out for dinner or a movie.
If you're home alone, review possible
movie list or mini series to binge
on hearing voices and watching
something funny, entertaining a comedy
can boost your.
Mindset.
And your moral.
Light, a fireplace.
If you have one, pull out a
recipe and bake something.
These are just ideas that can
help you to get out of your head
as you are home alone during this
family oriented, , holiday season.
Fill your time with movement.
Occupy your concentration outside
of sitting and stewing in your head.
Of your current existence, journal
of the present, but go down
memory lane of any good holidays
that you have had in the past.
So often we neglect the fact that our
past holds not only pain and unpleasant
reminders, but that we had amazing days
and that it is totally okay to think of
those times and to remember those times.
A few days before Thanksgiving
and my year is like many, before,
I no longer have holiday plans.
I have no invitation.
I do not have a village or a
community to turn to, but I am okay.
I have learned that I am not
alone, not in this world.
This is your reminder.
You are not alone in
your physical isolation.
What would you do if
your family was intact?
If this is your journey being alone,
do not let your day arrive and you
are adrift with grief and isolation.
Plan ahead.
Treat yourself as your special guest,
whatever that looks like for you.
My Thanksgiving this year will be filled
with completing my Christmas decoration.
A morning of yoga and depending on
the weather, an outdoor ride or an
indoor ride, I want fried Turkey for
dinner and I need to find a place
that I will be able to have that.
I can get that before or the day off.
I will play pentatonic Christmas
albums as those are my favorites.
And I will mill around at home.
I got myself a gratitude
journal and I will use that to
log my gratitudes on that day.
My job is not with the
missing people from my life.
My hope lives with me, not in the
circumstances that happened to me.
If I'm gonna be here
and I am gonna be here.
So Damnit, I will make it count.
I intend to have a good holiday season.
I am no longer living in
regrets about the what ifs.
I am over mulling and ruminating
about what my life could have been.
What I have now is what my
life is, and it is time for me.
It is time for you to start accepting
where we are and change that dynamic to
what we wanted to be living in the past.
Pass serves us.
Nothing.
There is nothing positive that
comes out of living in the past.
There is no good that can come out
of projecting or trying to propel
ourself into a future that we.
Cannot, foreshadow that.
We cannot understand or see What is
important is to live in the present.
To live in today, to give today
the best that we have got to
give today, the best of ourself.
So my friends, if you are gonna be
alone during this holiday season.
Please take care of
yourself by planning ahead.
This season of aloneness does
not have to last a lifetime.
Today, that's what we have, but we can
change the trajectory of our future
by being present we can change the
trajectory of our present by staying
in the present, by showing up for.
Our number one, I hope that you will feel
encouraged and you will feel supported,
and that you will believe that you deserve
the best holiday that you can have.
Being alone because you are alone,
does not make the holiday untenable.
It does not make the holiday
impossible to survive.
This year, promise yourself
that you want to thrive.
Not just survive, but that you wanna
thrive during this holiday season.
Give of your time, give of your
talent to those around you.
It is so fulfilling and rewarding to.
Consider someone else today.
It is time for us to step outside of
ourself and think not just of the pain
and the tears and the changes in our
life, but sometimes it's important that
we look outside ourself because by helping
someone else, we are helping ourself.
Thank you so much for joining me.
Have a amazing holiday season,