Flushing It Out | Trauma: Rewriting Your Story - Rachel Nusbaum

Show Notes

In this episode, Samantha talks with the owner of Orchid Story, Rachel Nusbaum, about how we can all explore the art of writing to help us on our own healing journeys.  Her business, Orchid Story is coaching with a focus on writing as therapy.  Rachel tells us how writing has helped her and how it has helped so many others she has worked with.  She reminds us the work of writing can sometimes be an uphill climb, but it is always worth it.  So, listen in as Samantha and Rachel "Flush It Out!"

What is Flushing It Out ?

Flushing It Out with Samantha Spittle, the Introvert's Extrovert. The podcast where she talks to people so you don't have to...for now.

Rachel Nusbaum 0:00
I'm Rachel Nussbaum of orchids story. And I work mostly with women who are on a healing journey. And I use writing as a tool and other tools too. But primarily writing to help them uncover what story or stories, they are interested in reframing or rewriting in their lives and trying to get women to a space of feeling more freedom and energy fulfillment in their lives.

Samantha Spittle 0:34
And Rachel, and I, you know, we crossed paths. And but then I started following you on Instagram. And I truly think of you as one of my like, Instagram friends where, you know, you see people online, and you're just like, everything they write, I'm like, yes, yes. And, you know, you just said, when you introduced yourself about helping women reframe their story, and, you know, story is the word that whenever I hear I kind of latch on to, and, you know, my whole thing is, you know, sharing stories, and I come from it from a verbal place, because I'm a verbal processor, but I married an internal processor. And, you know, I kept, I kept seeing more and more of, you know, helping women write their story and helping, you know, reframe it and work through it. And because I've seen that, how powerful it is, I wanted to share it with the listeners, especially as we kick off season three, and we're digging into all the shame triggers, because what you and I were talking about before is that it kind of doesn't matter what the shame trigger is, you know, there's, there's a space for it, to work through it. And so I'd love to hear more you know about your story and kind of how you use writing so that people can, can have this as an outlet, you know, because the same there's not one solution when it comes to healing. So

Rachel Nusbaum 1:47
for sure, and I think writing can be a tool we can use at any point in our lives. If we're doing other mechanisms of healing. If we're seeing a therapist, if we're doing yoga, we're even more really dialed in, honestly, to how we're feeling and we're feeling well, healing, or sorry, writing is still a really great tool to reach towards, to help us honestly, I use it to figure out what's happening inside my brain. So I'm a proponent of writing, all the time, I love to write in some people don't love to write, and still can find a lot of healing within it. And so I would encourage people who are listening who are like, oh, man, I'm not a writer. I don't know if that's for me to just stay tuned with us and, and try it and see, I think oftentimes, we have some preconceived notions about what writing might look like, I always coach my clients, that writing has to be for you first. Like we're not writing to get published in the New York Times here. We are writing to see what's going on inside your brain. And then once we know what's happening, we can take a look at it, you know, like, That's it, we could just kind of see it's kind of like opening up our brains, or sometimes I say, like mining for gems inside of our stories. But Samantha I want, instead of talking about my story, I'd love to talk to us a frame of reference of so a woman that I've women, let's say a conglomeration of women that I've worked with in terms of this idea of the inner critic.

Samantha Spittle 3:37
Hmm, yeah.

Rachel Nusbaum 3:39
So a lot of times, I mean, I, I tend to, to market my work as for women who've been through something big, like, for me, it was, my son's on my unborn son's diagnosis of congenital heart disease kind of like, led me on this path. But I've also worked through grief, I lost my mom and 2020. So have had these huge things in my own life, that I have used writing to help me work through. But what I have found in working with women is that there are these stories, if you will, that we carry with us, throughout our lives. They're not necessarily a big event that happened. It's like stories that we were told as a little girl and stories that we I don't know, pulled from society. And so I women often will come to me with this inner critic inside of them who is incredibly harsh. And maybe it is about body image and appearance. Maybe it is about like getting a million things done and doing it perfectly. And I think writing can be a great tool to start working with our inner critic and changing the relationship with that.

Samantha Spittle 4:56
Yes, and you said something huge because One of the things that I saw on Instagram a lot was, you know, women who've been through something big. And I think that, you know, if you've been through something big in your life, like, you gravitate to people who are doing the work on those big things. And so, as you said, what you found, that's the exact thing I found is that it's the big things that motivate us to get the help or the healing and the growth. But what you uncover when you start doing the work is we are just a collection of all of those small, seemingly small stories, you know, those seemingly insignificant things, but that when we really start looking at them and the puzzle pieces, and we see what an impact they've had on our life. And so I just think that's a beautiful reminder. Because I think if we can, especially if you haven't been through something, what you would maybe consider big. Because I lived my life up until a few a couple of years ago, feeling like I hadn't had a big thing, you know, but then you go through something big and you start unpacking it. It's like, oh, man, but that doesn't mean I didn't go through a lot of little things that made an impact. And so,

Rachel Nusbaum 6:07
right, for sure, I think sometimes we tell ourselves, we don't have a story, if we haven't maybe had something that to the outside world looks big. But everyone has stories, many, many, many of them. And like you said, like, once you start unraveling a story, it's like, like a ball of yarn, you know, you start unraveling one thread and another one comes lives there. It's like, okay, let's go with this. And let's see what's under here. If we're thinking about this woman with a really nasty inner critic, like where, where would she start for? Thinking about writing?

Samantha Spittle 6:45
I say all the time, you know, what's your story? What's your story? Share your story. And as you were talking, I thought, oh, my gosh, when you have the big thing, and then you overcome, you know, when you have your story, what it's like a writing, you know, it's you have backstory, challenge. Resolution. Yeah. Moral of the story you. It's like, okay, now I'm ready to tell it because I overcame this adversity, and now I'm here. And if, if someone doesn't have something like that in their life, my first thought was, I wonder how many people donate? because up till a few years ago, I would have said, I don't have a story like that I'm lacking a story. So that kind of came to my mind is, what is people's story? And I almost think that part of it is starting to examine, what if we find the story by digging back the layers? Like, what is something I'm struggling with?

Rachel Nusbaum 7:36
Yeah, I think but I think you have, you're hitting on something that I I also run into this idea that, like I mentioned before, we all do have stories, whether we label them that way. Or maybe we call them self limiting beliefs. Or maybe we don't, we're not even really sure. But we're just kind of feeling like Eric are stuck, or just not the way we want to feel. I really like asking women and of course men to I read that, yes, it just goes

Samantha Spittle 8:09
with them and listening.

Rachel Nusbaum 8:10
And I often ask women to so where I was gonna go with, like, where to start with writing? Yeah, is to slow down. So I think what sometimes happens is we we're not sure of our story, or if we have a story. Because we, we don't maybe want to know, you know, like, if we're maybe not sure we want to know how we're feeling because we get this sense. Like we're not feeling great. And we could be maybe feeling better, but maybe not. I mean, we could be feeling worse. And so if I just keep going, going going and busy, busy busy, then I won't have time to like, think about that. And I can I can kind of just keep coasting, even though if even if I'm sitting in a place that doesn't feel great. Change is just sometimes even scarier than that. So I always like to have women start with slowing down. And people do not like to hear this whatsoever. And I think part of it is because of time, like slowing down maybe maybe makes us think like, oh my gosh, where am I going to find time to slow down because I don't have it. So that's not happening. But I like to start with micro moments of slowing down. And without even adding to our days in our lives. Like I'm not going to ask someone who's never meditated before to sit down and do a 15 minute meditation like after the first time I meet them that just doesn't, that's just doesn't fit so we have to meet every person where they are. Right so maybe we can examine like what we're ingesting and that maybe that's food I don't know, but for me it's I never think of it as food because I love to eat and I don't I'd like to examine what I eat. So,

Unknown Speaker 10:02
hey, that's fine. But yeah, what

Rachel Nusbaum 10:05
are we ingesting like in the world around you? So with writing, we're kind of going to, and you talk in this language to will flesh it out, we'll bring it out, we'll bring it out into the light. But it's important for us to think about what are we taking in? How much time are we spending on social media? Are we going through the news every day? Who are we talking to? Who are we texting? Are we letting all of our notifications of our phone take over? And so if we can just kind of see, maybe it's like Netflix, and that feels really good. And that's just what you need to do right now. But let's just like, do a little audit. What are we ingesting? Where is our time going? Again, I think is just so high. So interesting, that time is so hard for us, but it really is it just pushes a lot of buttons. And if we can just kind of take note no judgment, but taken accounting of where is our time going. And like maybe it's going to I'm working all day, I'm coming home, and I'm bringing my kids are getting dinner on the table. And then I'm bringing my kids activities, and that is literally my whole day. Okay? There's actually some places we can work with that. So I've had women even do like their slowdown in time, as they are parking their ban at work before they walk into the building. Like literally just taking a moment. And eventually we can bring the writing into this place too. But like to find out where in your, in your day and your time will this writing even be able to fit in in a way that feels good. So far. So if we can just identify a spot, it could literally be in the car for one minute, before you walk into work, literally just sitting with yourself and seeing what comes up.

Samantha Spittle 12:04
Because we're so go, go go. I mean, you think about even even this podcast that I would recommend listening to on the way to work. But that's the thing we fill our time with, you know, let's listen to this and fill the space instead of taking the space to just be

Rachel Nusbaum 12:21
Yeah, yeah. So after, and again. So this is this is what I love about this work that I do, it's actually takes a little while to get into writing. So I find it interesting about your husband, like that's so awesome that he was able to just jump into writing, I kind of follow this road of finding space or time and slowing down, and then trying to figure out like, what feels good to you. Maybe you know, writing feels good to you. But maybe you're like not quite sure about writing. And you don't want to start there like what's something that feels good to you? Do you like to listen to music? Do you like to dance around your kitchen? Do you like to light a candle and clear off your desk? Like the littlest things? I think what happens often is we we lose ourselves. And if we're going back touching, touching back to the body image thing and the inner critic, when we start to slow down, we're going to have a lot of noise happening in our brains. And so like let's bring in something, again, very small, that feels good to us. It's going to nourish us, what ritual can we bring in. And again, it has to be has to fit into if it's use math, it has to fit into your life, and it has to make sense for you. So what makes sense for you won't make sense for me. And so it could be your morning coffee that you already do. But instead of running through it every morning, you're just going to take like literally 10 seconds to hold the coffee in your hand. Just like think about what you're doing before you take your first step. 10 seconds. And what I see is that like once we start just a little bit of slow down and a little bit of what makes me feel good. It really just restart feeling a transition like gold, just a little bit of transition inside ourselves. And I think it's really important for us to make this space for our stories, because you and I both know. Again, inner critic, harmful messaging about body image. If we just run straight into that. We might not have space for it, you know, and it does take a lot of eating If it's not taking a lot of time, takes a lot of energy and a lot of courage to look at your story. And if you have a lot of messaging, that's not kind to yourself, we need to make space for it. And so I'm a real firm believer in slowing down coming up with a ritual before we even start writing. So that's why,

Samantha Spittle 15:24
yeah, yes, I'm so glad you said that, because some of the conversations that we're going to, you know, be having around body image that will be coming out, you know, around the body image and appearance, you know, I remember people will hear is listening to your body, you know, your body knows, and just, but we have to give ourselves the space and the time. And you mentioned the judgment. And that's one of the things that why I love getting to talk to the amazing people that I get to talk to on the podcast, because there's always this constant reminder of the judgment, how judgmental we are, you know, with our thoughts, and our beliefs with, you know, we should and shouldn't do things and, and just, yeah, it can be so scary to dive into our stuff, because then we just get stuck on the shoulds. And we get stuck on the judgments. And it's like, we have to push through those things, too. And that's with any type of growth and healing. And I think that's where shame gets in the way. Because shame is that, you know, so tied into that inner critic that you talked about, and then the judgments, I mean, that's all wrapped up so tightly together.

Rachel Nusbaum 16:28
Yeah, for sure. I think that is a reason why working with a coach can be beneficial, because they can see that happening, the shoulds, and the judgment and shame. And if you don't have access to a coach, it's not the right time for that. I, I think you can do that with a partner, someone you feel comfortable with. And maybe that's not like, right part of the process from the start if you're if we're considering writing, but once you start exploring, and are bumping up against things, if there is someone safe, that you can share with who can listen, like, that's what you need is a lesson you don't really need much of anything else. But a space where you feel comfortable sharing and someone can really hear you can be super beneficial to the process of, of rewriting your story, that's like a few steps down. But to write it up, I think it it can be so important. But if we go back to, we talked about make slowing down and and making space coming up with a ritual that feels good. And then moving into the actual writing part of the story. So first, you have to figure out what is my story? You know, and maybe you've got a sense of that in these in this slowing down. And, and maybe you knew coming in and like a lot of people that come in to work with me, they know what their story is. But sometimes people have a general sense of something. Like I have this person in my head who talks to me really negatively. I'm not sure what that's about. But I think I need to explore it. And so we just have to start somewhere. I think reminding that reminding ourselves that this is for us. And that no one like another thing we women often bring with us is this overachiever. Need to get an A perfectionist perfection thing. Yeah. So we got to work on just kind of setting that aside, like, Thanks for looking out for me. But I'm just gonna put you over here while I take out my journal and my pen. And I often find that writing something more concrete is a good way for people to start. So I like to think of an a scene in your life. Let's take the inner critic thing in the morning, waking up, getting ready for the day, doing your makeup in front of the mirror and just like nasty things coming out in your head in your mind talking to you. Okay, so let's just press literally press pause on that image. And we're going to describe it with our pen. So we're going to describe, I like to use the five senses. So what are you seeing what are you hearing? What can you touch? What are you feeling before? You just made such a good point about like connecting into the body. And I think that's so crucial. And it's that very brave work. Starting with a literal image that we could just kind of picture in our minds and almost like get some distance from describing the scene. That's where I like people to start. And then once we do that, we have somewhere to to go.

Samantha Spittle 19:58
I think that's great because See, that's the thing is, when you are peeling back the layers of your story, or you're dipping your toe into growth and healing, it's, it can be a lot. And I love this of offering people, different, different roads to take because no one's path is the same. But, but just things like even inhabiting your body when we live our life just so go go go to go from zero, it's like feels like going zero to 60, even though it's a slowing down analogy, but to just suddenly feel your body like what is what does that feel like? And and so I was glad you brought that getting back to the five senses. I love how you have this, you know, slowing down having the ritual. And then starting with the description, it's such a nice way to actually walk through it, you know, instead of it being a concept that people can strive for one day, it's something they can actually do today.

Rachel Nusbaum 20:55
For sure. I think all of this work can be done. Now, tomorrow, and it can start anytime, like you don't have to be in a specific place or have any specific training to try. What is something you just said in there reminded me of something I think about and talk about with my clients a lot, which is that we have to be ready, internally, to broach something. And like sometimes it's just not, we're not there yet. And that's okay. You know, I have women who come through and work with me several time. And so it's like you can see their growth happening. And maybe the first time through, they're not quite ready to touch, like the really big trauma. And so we'll start somewhere else, we'll start with motherhood. We'll start with what's in front of you right now. And then next time around, we can go into that really hard thing, that trauma that happened when you are 21. So it's just like, it was a good reminder for all of us that it's okay. Like we don't have to force ourselves to be ready. We will get there if we're doing I mean, if we're in touch with ourselves, and we're trying things, we will eventually be ready to explore, you know, the deeper stuff.

Samantha Spittle 22:21
Yeah, I love that reminder. Thank you. It's so I need to be reminded of that. Yeah. Because it's just once I think you once you kind of dig deep, it's like, Guys, just go dig deep. Just hurry up and dig deep. Yeah, it's worth it, I promise. And but it's like, no, that's not the way it works.

Rachel Nusbaum 22:38
The way we're right, and it is worth it. But it takes it always takes so much longer than we want it to. It's tougher. It's more of an uphill climb than we expected it to be. But it's helpful when we talk about that like with you and I just saying this in normalizing it for everyone. I think for myself, like I have worked on the same issues. It's a spiral staircase, I keep coming back around, down and back.

Samantha Spittle 23:06
Yes, oh my gosh, I did a series and we talked about the spiral staircase analogy. And I was like, That's brilliant. And so for everyone listening, why don't you describe what you mean by the spiral staircase? Just to make sure,

Rachel Nusbaum 23:19
okay, I'll describe it. And then you tell me if you think of it differently. So this is how I teach it. And I teach like, you can visualize it if the spiral staircase doesn't work for you. I also teach just a circle, like a circle, and then also a labyrinth. And it's kind of like, what is your path? This is how I teach it. What is the path that you're on for self development for personal growth. And for me, it's it the spiral staircase works, because I feel like I keep coming back around pictures while going up. But coming back around to that same spot, and having to work on the same things again, and again and again. And it can feel really frustrating to me, and I can't really beat myself up about it. But then I remember I'm on a staircase, and I'm up a little bit higher than I was the last time that I went around about this particular thing. And so it's a great frame for me to think about. These are the things that you're going to be reminded about for the rest of your life, Rachel, it's okay. And we're gonna keep coming back around but you are making progress and like, look, you can look over the edge and see are higher now than you used to be.

Samantha Spittle 24:36
Yes, yeah, it's the same, the only additional thing and he basically just said it is just that you have a different perspective each time because you're continually you know, you're climbing up and so you're gonna keep coming back around to those things. But each time your perspective is different. And so I'm I'm so glad this got brought up today because yesterday I was having In different conversations and had posed what's really funny, although it's never funny, because it always seems to come together, I had posted something that morning on Facebook, and then on Instagram, and then a few throughout my conversations, they brought it up on their own the person I was talking to, and it was the idea that growth requires us to be to get comfortable being uncomfortable. The we have these things come up these triggers and whatnot. And, you know, I need to just constantly remind myself that just because we have the challenges or the hardships or the uncomfortableness, that, that doesn't mean that it's bad or wrong, because of course, we love the judgments, but like, it's just part of being a human, you know, and processing through that. And I think getting there is that constants, that staircase for me, so,

Rachel Nusbaum 25:50
yeah, yeah, and I, we don't live inside of that culture that allows for that space in the spiral staircase, we live inside of like, Go Go, go get it done, achieve, achieve, and then move on to the next thing. And so, we do need to remind each other, you know, that it's okay. And that really, that is the way it all works. Yeah, it is a slow, a slow coming around, and a journey that we will be on. I mean, we will certainly heal that. Yeah, it's, you know, but yeah, we'll be on some journeys for Fr. And yeah, you know, some days I'm okay with that. And some days, I'm not, but I think that is, that is the way I remember thinking

Samantha Spittle 26:37
that like reading somewhere that the point of healing isn't to eliminate your triggers, it's to shift how we respond to them. And that, for me was huge. Because like I said, I come from this mindset of, you know, if there's, if there's any sort of issue, there must be a problem. And, and it's funny as I was, I was remembering a memory. I remember my husband, I were newly married, you know, and getting into a fight and him saying something like, I think you just expect us to be perfect. Like if we have any sort of, you know, disagreement that that's bad. And I'm like, I think I do. Yes, I just want harmony all the time.

Rachel Nusbaum 27:17
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Don't you think part of it is yeah, I think in rewriting our stories, part of it is coming to terms with something exactly like that, like those realizations that Oh, I guess life is not. If it was perfect, it would, frankly, be really boring. And life is tough. And there are a lot of sad times and hard times. It's life like that's what it is. It's not all sunshine and roses. And I think writing has helped me and I have seen it help other people help come to those kinds of realizations. So we go back to our woman in the mirror. Yeah, picking her up the image and writing about it. From there, I think some of the things that can come up is one thing I often talk about is the idea that your thoughts, the things you're writing down on this page are not you. They're your thoughts. So everything you think, is not like everything Rachel thinks is not who Rachel is. Their thoughts. Wow. And so it's like, I mean, if it, the thoughts are, I'm so fat, I'm so ugly. Why did I choose to wear this shirt today? It's like, okay, so those are thoughts, but that's not who you are at your core. So let's start to unpack where are these things are coming from. And let's start to and again, like you said, we have to go real slow and gentle and we had to make, we're not going to change these in a day. But we can start honestly getting them out. Getting the thoughts out and onto the page is a huge first step because sometimes we don't even know and it feels bigger and scarier inside, writing it down, can take a lot of the power away from those thoughts. So that simple act alone I know can really be beneficial. Going from there and like really getting into the pain of it is where a lot of healing can happen to but even if you don't get there, just writing down what is in your head is a great place to start and can be can be really beneficial. It just takes so much of the power away.

Samantha Spittle 29:48
So true. And that's something that once again why love our we share such similar, you know, passions and whatnot, because and also because you helped me make sense sense of what I do and why I do it because I'm because I'm a verbal processor. I'm always wanting to tell people all the thoughts in my head, and all the crazy or not, they're not crazy, but the judgments, you know, and I feel like why am I pouring all this out? And it's like, because I want to get it out. Because I know that it's just these thoughts, that maybe if I wrote, I wouldn't have to dump it on people. So I need to really work on that, too. I would like I should not need to want to be judgmental. But I think that this would be, this is something that I think I need to explore want to explore, I should say, because like I said, I, I've seen the value of when I verbally share it with safe people, you know, let me just get these thoughts out of my head. Because I don't want them to live there. By set up shop. So

Rachel Nusbaum 30:43
right, right. So if we get the thoughts out, we take a look at them. And if we go back to inner critic is on my mind, because I've been working with a client on this, that we might not have to like, completely rewrite the stories, we can gently kind of start to come at them, and just start shifting our relationship with some of our stories, our thoughts, our ideas. And it may be like instead of wishing it away, because like, we know, we don't want to be calling ourselves these terrible things. And yet, like, maybe that's too harsh of a stance to like, cut off that part of yourself are to wish it away. It's like very aggressive. And so maybe we can find a way to have bring compassion into the equation. And simply like writing down the thoughts, putting your hand on your heart. And just like thinking about loving yourself, or maybe loving yourself as too much just put your hand on your heart, like you need to think of anything. And so, again, it's like this gentle way of we're not going to rewrite these thoughts in one day, but the gentle shifting the bringing in of compassion, the looking at them in a new way. And we could try to rewrite them too. I mean, I love to try to do that. I haven't exercise. And I'll just tell it to you right now, because anyone can do it, where we actually write down a thought. So let's say the thought that we're working with is I'll do one of mine. So I'll shift away from that, and go to myself, because I know myself better, better than the rest. And working with myself. I'm thinking about a time when I was really struggling with taking care of my mom when I was caregiving for her. So my thought might have been like, I can't do this anymore. I'm at my wit's end, I just want to run away. Okay, so that's my thought, write it down. Now, if a friend said that to me, how might I respond to her? Or how might I say what, Rachel, maybe you could say it in this way. So again, writing it down, my rewrite might be something like, I have a lot on my plate, I'm doing the very best that I can. I'm doing a pretty good job. And I'm gonna find a way to keep going in this imperfect, imperfect way. So taking your thought and literally doing a rewrite, I think that takes some time to get there. Especially this is a new story you're working on. But i i And that's an exercise that I do with a lot of my clients.

Samantha Spittle 33:43
I like that. It's, I think, like you said, it might be hard to get to. But that's why I think it's so important to start by writing down all those thoughts. Because then you see them. And like you said, if I think when it's out of your brain, even if it's your own thoughts, you said that how would you respond to a friend I mean, it's just, we're we often, you know, we often give good advice as friends, you know, to our other friends, and we wouldn't want our friends to talk to themselves the way we talk to ourselves. And so even if you're not ready to, I think it's just that act of seeing it, it helps remove, it gives you that little removed perspective. So

Rachel Nusbaum 34:22
yeah. And then, you know, there is something about putting together a full, quote, full story. So when I say that I'd be in like a, maybe it's a personal essay. That's like how I write and that's what I coach, my clients who want to do this, how I coach them to write. So a story would have a beginning, a middle and an end. Right and the end comes to some kind of resolution. It's not that like, oh, I have all this body image stuff figured out. It's wrapped up in a bow and now like, is that like I'm living happily ever after? No It's like, I have maybe just looked at this thing from a new perspective, I've maybe given myself just a little ounce of freedom from it, a little space from it. So it doesn't have that hold on me that it has before. Maybe the ending is I've learned to look at myself in the mirror and say an affirmation, we just, you know, we don't give ourselves enough pride, a little things can be really impactful. And writing it all out into a story, it shows yourself, the progress you've made, and I've just seen people be have so much pride in that, you know, it's really beautiful, really beautiful. And I of course, love when they share with me. But again, going back to that idea that first and foremost, your story is for you. So that's kind of cement the like, the beginning to the end? A bit of a nutshell, not really.

Samantha Spittle 36:00
It's, it's great, I love that, I'm so glad we're having this conversation, digging into the shame triggers and working on our growth and healing and because I want to offer everyone more, you know, experts and, and resources and things to try. I think that this is just such a great tool that anyone can do. It's something that, you know, as you said, working with with a coach, you know, is a way to kind of dig even deeper, but it's something that you just on your own can do. When you're sitting in the car, you know, just to start writing out your story. And to me, it makes so much sense. And as I said earlier, I love because you often give me the words, you know what I whether I see it on Instagram or us in conversation, it just helps me make so much sense. Because as you talked about writing your story, and I've said before, you know, my husband's a big writer, I'm a big talker. Even the story that this podcast is based on, you know, my funny story, the only reason I got to that place of this being this framed story with this mission and moral is because I told it so many times. Yeah. And it started out as a funny story. But there's just something about storytelling that it just you naturally want to kind of come to and not wrapped up in a bow but like, what's the purpose? What's the moral? What's something? And so I thought, man, every time I told it, it was like a re working of it, it was a shift a new angle. And so it's just I as I as you were talking, I thought, oh, no, but when I often it's like, oh, well, I don't have that storytelling ability, or, you know, I don't have that we're with exactly when this is like it doesn't matter. You know, you don't need to, you know, wrap people into your story to tell you know, you can write you can write it just for yourself.

Rachel Nusbaum 37:48
Yeah, well, and what I love about you, I mean, I'm sure in your husband, too, I just don't know him, but I can see with you is that you have told this story. And now you're in the place of integration, which is taking your new reframed story and living into it. And your podcast is how you've integrated your story into your life. And like, that is so cool. And so beautiful. And I think that's how, that's how we continue with the growth. It becomes a part of us, and then we live into it. And for you. That's this. It's so beautiful.

Samantha Spittle 38:32
Thank you. Quick question. As we're wrapping up, you know, people say they have to own their store, you know, you have to own your story. And you just said you integrated your story. So what is that relationship between owning and integrating?

Rachel Nusbaum 38:48
Oh, that's a good question. Never put it in to those terms about owning your story.

Samantha Spittle 38:55
Well, and that's why I wanted to like just real quick

Rachel Nusbaum 39:00
about owning your story. So think owning your story to me, is looking at it, simply looking at it, digging into it and not pushing it away. And integrating it it's kind of comes maybe a few steps later where you're starting to really come to terms with the story. And again, like how do I weave these messages into my life for continued healing that your example view and I mean, I'm the same with my work but we can use you with the podcast is a really great example of how you've integrated your story into your into your life and sometimes it's not that obvious because like not everyone is going to start a coaching business. Yeah, or have a podcast and that's okay. That's totally okay. But in little ways, and maybe it's like in and how you interact with your children, maybe it's, again, looking at yourself in the mirror what that conversation has become, or opening your pantry. Honestly, I've worked with a lot of women, just with food and eating and like, having different thoughts about what's what's sitting there. So it doesn't have to be like this. more obvious, like you and I, but, but there are a lot of little ways it can happen. And it's, anyway it happens is really, really

Samantha Spittle 40:29
beautiful. Yeah, I think that's, you know, with this whole idea of writing and healing, it's really it's truly, like the way to integrate our story, because I love how you said that owning it is like, seeing it, you know, facing facing it. Yeah, that's so huge, because there's so much we want to not face so yeah, facing it. And the integration, you know, I think for me, you know, I started a podcast, so then it's, it's here, but it's almost like the constant reminder to be living it like the lesson dialog, you know, to not let shame stop me. And I think yeah, you don't have to have a business or you know, something to constantly it can just be part of kind of who you are reminding yourself of the,

Rachel Nusbaum 41:12
yeah. You said not let shame stop. Do you think that's like one of your main messages? Right? Yeah, me, I think it's, um, being okay with the emotions that I'm experiencing. Like, there aren't too bad. Yeah, emotions, and it's okay to have the more negative ones. That's what my work for mindset. I love how you said that. That's, that's so meaningful. Like, what what are what are those messages that are crucial to us that we can remind ourselves of?

Samantha Spittle 41:45
Yeah, I love this idea of the owning and integrating, and I think it's it's ebbs and flows, right? Because, yes, we have to revisit our story.

Rachel Nusbaum 41:52
Oh, yes. Yeah, and new things will come up. Like we talked about,

Samantha Spittle 41:57
yeah, and that's not a bad thing. That's my reminder. Like, it's, it's the tools. That's why, for me, this idea what I love about sharing, you know, you're, you know, you're just one of your, you know, tools that you use with people. But all of these things is because life is going to happen, you know, that's kind of one of the other thing themes too, is that it's like life is going to happen. It's not if it's when and so the more tools we can have in our toolbox, the more you know, the more growth and healing we can have. So I appreciate you sharing some of your process today. And I hope that it you know, inspires people to pick up meetings, you know, the Penn Station,

Rachel Nusbaum 42:35
share it with us, if someone if they feel comfortable, or just share with us that they did it that they tried. Yeah,

Samantha Spittle 42:41
yeah. Rachel, how can people find you online? And to learn more about you and work with you?

Rachel Nusbaum 42:48
Yeah, thank you. Um, the best place I think is orchids story.com and slash self care, so orchids story.com/self care, that will take you to be able to download free on demand video and accompanying workbook that will help you at that starting stage of slowing down that we talked about. So if you're like, oh, this sounds interesting to me of a car. Sure. I already know how it start to slow down. This is a great place to start.

Samantha Spittle 43:21
Great. Thank you so much. Well, I look forward to having more conversations and of course staying connected because you know, you can find us both on Instagram because I love getting to see your stuff. So thank you again.

Rachel Nusbaum 43:34
Thank you for having me. I've loved our conversation. So much fun.