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Tap to send me your reflections ♡ Depending on the stories we each carry, Mother’s Day can stir deep and complicated emotions. In this tender episode, I share that I was recently invited to write an article for The Gloss on the aspects of Mother's Day, that don't always get acknowledged. It inspired this episode and I include an invitation to write an unsent letter as a way of exploring the truth of your relationship with your mother, whatever shape that truth takes. This isn’t ab...
Tap to send me your reflections ♡
Depending on the stories we each carry, Mother’s Day can stir deep and complicated emotions.
In this tender episode, I share that I was recently invited to write an article for The Gloss on the aspects of Mother's Day, that don't always get acknowledged.
It inspired this episode and I include an invitation to write an unsent letter as a way of exploring the truth of your relationship with your mother, whatever shape that truth takes.
This isn’t about sentimentality or simplifying what may be layered with loss, distance, confusion or grief. Instead, it’s an act of profound compassion - a way to gently honour what lives within you.
I share guidance from Letters of Love, reflections from my own experience of writing to my mother, and finish with a piece from My Darling Girl - a reminder that, no matter what our story has been, we can learn to be a loving presence for ourselves.
If this day feels tender for you - or for someone you love - I hope this episode offers a soft place to land.
BOOKS
Letters of Love - a journaling practice for wisdom & connection, published by Inner Work Project, available everywhere
My darling girl, vol. 1, only available direct from Henny Flynn
***
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A space to settle in and listen, and see where the episode takes you. This inspiring, reflective podcast is an invitation to travel deeper, with compassionate self-enquiry.
Henny shares insights from her own life, alongside practices that help us connect with our inner wisdom, explore our relationship with change and find a greater sense of flow. Henny believes we all hold our own answers, so there are no one-size-fits-all solutions here. This is a space to be with what’s true for you, and to grow from there.
If you’re drawn to slowing down, listening in, and exploring what it means to live with greater authenticity, this podcast is for you. Guided by psychology, mindfulness, therapeutic coaching, flow journaling, and everyday compassion, we explore ideas that help us step further into our inner worlds, in order to shape the changes we seek in our outer worlds.
Speaker 1: I was invited
recently to write an article for
an online magazine, the Gloss,
and it was all to do with
Mother's Day and the fact that,
like many other annual
celebrations, for many of us the
sense of celebration might not
be quite so present.
Welcome to the Henny Flynn
podcast the space for deepening
self-awareness with profound
self-compassion.
I'm Henny, I write, coach and
speak about how exploring our
inner world can transform how we
experience our outer world, all
founded on a bedrock of
self-love.
Settle in and listen and see
where the episode takes you.
I'd like to share with you how
the article begins and it's
titled writing the unsaid how a
letter to your mum can bring
comfort on mother's day, and
that really gives you the clue
to the practice that I'm
offering up, inviting you to
consider and see whether it's
something that feels like it
might be useful for you.
The article begins for many,
mother's Day is a time of
tenderness.
While the world seems filled
with cards and bouquets, for
those of us whose mothers are no
longer here or whose
relationships are complex or
estranged, the day can feel
dissonant, isolating, even
painful, can feel dissonant,
isolating, even painful.
Each year around this time, I'm
reminded of the messages we're
surrounded by, ones that suggest
this is a day for celebration,
togetherness, uncomplicated love
, and yet so many people carry
unspoken stories, stories of
grief, longing, confusion,
regret.
Stories of grief, longing,
confusion, regret.
The truth is not all
mother-child relationships are
simple and not all mothers are
still here.
Even the term mum can hold
different meanings for each of
us and, of course, we all know
the truth in those words, words.
Maybe we know the truth because
that's our personal lived
experience, or because we see it
in loved ones, friends who
maybe have a more complicated
relationship with their maternal
carer, their mother, than you
do yourself.
Or perhaps you see that a
friend, a loved one, has lost
their mother and you have the.
Of course, it's not just in.
You know, these days of the
annual round of, you know
special, special moments to
celebrate specific people or
things, that these feelings,
these experiences are present.
But events like Mother's Day
can really spike that feeling
within us, maybe triggering
sadness, loss, grief, anger,
frustration, whatever it might
be.
Sadness, loss, grief, anger,
frustration, whatever it might
be.
And it's one of the reasons why
I included a practice of writing
to our mothers and writing to
our fathers too.
We'll come to them another day,
maybe as part of this practice
of writing letters of love, and
you know, the really important
thing here is that these are
letters of love, but not the
rose-tinted variety, not the
let's pretend everything's okay,
kind things okay kind.
These are letters of love that
are that deep, true, wise,
mindful, present love that we
all have access to but that can
sometimes feel like it evades us
.
And in this practice of putting
pen to paper, I do recommend
it's a handwritten exercise,
although if that's not available
for you, then obviously doing
it as a voice note or, you know,
sort of typing it out on a
screen, also has huge value.
We approach it the best way for
ourselves.
There are no rules, but when we
do this act, when we put these
words down in whatever way feels
right for you, we're able to
express what perhaps has been
unsaid.
We may be able to open up a
gateway, a portal to something
which perhaps has been sitting
within us.
Sometimes I find um sort of
particular memories or or
stories that we're holding can
feel almost like a, like a thorn
, um, you know, in our skin, and
and actually this act of
journaling in this way, these
unsent letters of love, can be a
very delicate, very careful,
very mindful way of gently
removing that thorn and then
allowing that wound to heal.
Now, of course, this really
depends on your story, your
experience, and we always go so
gently, with endless tenderness,
when we're so gently, with
endless tenderness, when we're
um, tending to a practice like
this.
I, in the book, I talk about
finding a peaceful place.
I also offer up a meditation
practice, and if that's
something that you'd find useful
, then, um, you know, either, uh
, get hold of a copy of the book
or you can see my meditations
that I share on insight timer.
They're completely free, you
can access them.
You just need to download the
app, um, and so we begin by
really settling ourselves, um,
maybe getting a lovely, warm
drink, something that we really
enjoy, finding a really
comfortable, peaceful place to
settle so that our nervous
system knows that this is a safe
space for us, and getting your
journal or, you know, a lovely
piece of paper, maybe a piece of
writing paper, even a pen, that
you really enjoy using, and
just beginning, and beginning
with a term of endearment,
whatever feels available to you
that feels true, true, you'll
see.
If you have a chance to take a
look at a copy of Letters of
Love, of the book that I've
written, there is one particular
letter that I share where I
don't begin with the term of
endearment, because it just
didn't feel true to me to be
able to do that.
So we really really listen to
what feels most true for us and
if you can begin with the term
of endearment, um, that can help
to set the um, the tone of how
we continue to write, um, and it
may be that you notice feelings
that don't feel like love, and
and that is okay too we let the
words come without rules,
without expectations, and if we
notice that we're slipping into
anger, shame, blame, frustration
, all of those very human
emotions, we allow that to be
there.
And then we ask the question
how can I bring more compassion
here?
And if you've been to any of my
journaling events, you'll know
that that's a question that I
return to again and again.
You know it's such a useful
tool to help us, whatever we're
journaling about, actually, and
particularly, I think, in these
more sort of complex or delicate
times having something like
that sentence how can I bring
more compassion here?
We write it in the page of our
letter or in the page of our
journal and then we see what
follows, and it just helps us
respond to that question again
with our deepest truth, and one
of the things that I note about
myself, but also about others,
when they use these practices,
is that it is astonishing how
much compassion we each hold
within us if we only ask it to
speak.
So if you do try writing a
letter of love to your mum or
your mother this Mother's Day, I
invite you to hold yourself
gently and, if things feel
tricky, pause.
Take a moment to resettle, to
calm back, maybe.
Take a few breaths, have a sip
of your warm drink, get really
comfortable again and then see
how that feels for you.
And maybe you need to take a
longer pause, and that's okay.
There is no time scale here.
You can return to this as and
when you wish and, of course,
one of the most fundamental
things I've already mentioned is
that it remains unsent.
So if your mother is still
alive, there is not.
This is not a letter that is
sent to her, although maybe
become something that where
there are aspects of it that you
feel it would be useful in some
way, helpful, loving to share,
but really the essence of the
letter is that it remains unsent
.
It is for you, it is an
energetic expression rather than
a material expression of
something out into the, into the
world.
Um, and I think it's one of the
reasons why it's so important
that it remains unsent is
because when we know this as we
are writing, then we're able to
write without constraint.
We're not writing in such a way
that we're anticipating what
the reader will say or think or
feel or do.
We're simply able to write the
fullness of our truth and,
through that, validate our
experience of it.
And a letter of love like this
can be a way to honor that truth
.
And you know, I think one of
the other things that I say in
the book actually is that, you
know, writing in this way it can
stir some very deep feelings.
So we honor those feelings too,
and rather than trying to push
them away, you know, a beautiful
practice can be to really
gently put them inside a bubble.
You might even want to kind of
imagine a bubble and the words
or the feelings, the emotions
inside that bubble.
And that bubble is a bubble of
kindness, it's a bubble where we
are holding ourselves and what
we are feeling with tenderness
rather than judging ourselves in
any way, and it is with this
most profound compassion for our
self and for the words that are
coming through, that we're able
at least my sense is that we're
able to then really receive the
benefit of this kind of
practice.
And, yeah, I think the other
thing that I kind of wanted to
share here is that in the book
in letters of love, I share an
extract from a letter that I
wrote to my own mother.
Now she died in 2015.
So gosh, yes, 10 years.
That's interesting.
It's interesting that here I am
talking about her and I chose
not to share my whole letter in
the book.
It was originally in there and
then, as we got closer to
publication date, I realised it
just didn't feel right, and the
reason it didn't feel right to
share the whole letter is
because I am one of four
children, I have three brothers,
and she was their mother too,
and so my grief and my memories
and my experience of being her
daughter they don't solely
belong to me in the sense that
there is also, I recognise,
entanglement from the
experiences that my brothers
have had and have, from the
experiences that my brothers
have had and have, and so
therefore I, through my deep
respect for their experiences,
chose not to share the whole of
that letter in the book, but
what I did share was this I want
to tell you that things are
okay, we are okay, that I have
survived hard things, that I
still love fiercely, that I
still laugh at the silliness of
life, that I remember moments in
your arms as a child that still
make me smile.
I want to tell you that I still
think of you and I know you
think of me still.
You know, I've read those words
so many times since I wrote them
and I think it was only reading
them out loud to you that
brought back the meaning that
fell onto the page when I first
wrote them.
One of the things that I wrote
in the article I mentioned at
the very beginning of this
episode was we see that our
grief, our experiences, our
stories can sometimes feel
entangled with others.
Being able to express the
uniqueness of our own feelings
in these unsent letters of love
gives us something we may not
find elsewhere a place where
everything that's asking to be
said is able to be heard.
So I offer up this episode,
this love, these words, love
these words to everyone who has
had moments of complexity or
sorrow, grief, anger, joy, love,
connection and compassion with
their mothers however we might
define that term, and whoever
the person is that we call our
mother.
I want to send so much love,
and I also.
As is often the way when I'm
feeling into an episode like
this, I turn to my first book of
my Darling Girl.
Me that they heard the poetry
that's in the my Darling Girl
books, written as though they
were letters from my own mother
to me, and so that felt resonant
as we were talking about
mothers here, and, and I know,
when the books were first
published, I was overwhelmed by
the number of messages I
received from people saying that
they felt that it was their own
mother's voice that was
speaking to them, and I pulled
the book off the shelf.
I opened it at random just to
see.
Well, what does the part of me
that writes my Darling Girl,
what does she have to say to
offer us as a piece of wisdom
for this moment?
This Mother's Day, my Darling
girl, think of all the happy
times.
Think of frost sparkling in the
trees.
Think of leaves softening your
step.
Think of sand beneath your toes
.
Think of sun on your skin.
Think of cold biting at your
cheeks.
Think of sweetly scented rooms.
Think of hands held in yours.
Think of hugs that warm your
soul.
Think of kisses, light as air.
Think of friendships, love and
care.
Think of who you've been with
and where.
Think of every happy moment,
minute, hour, day, month, year.
Think of this life and all the
times there have been when your
heart has sung and your cheeks
have ached with smiling.
Think of the constants.
There have been, the threads
that flow through all these
times.
Flow through all these times
and remember that, in truth,
there is just one, one constant,
one thread, one person who has
always been in the center of
this happiness you, of course.
My love it's you.
And so for me, that poem, that
piece, was a reminder to to
myself that I am my own parent.
I am here to love myself
through everything that life
offers me, and I find that
deeply comforting.
I find that deeply comforting
to recognize that we are able to
be here for ourselves in a way
that perhaps wasn't always
available for others to be there
for us in the past.
And I say that with the utmost
love and respect to every mother
, every father, every brother,
every sister, every friend,
sending you so much love, so
much love, much love.
And if you want to get hold of
either of those books letters of
love, which is this journaling
practice for wisdom and
connection.
It's full of guidance.
It's got lots of really
beautiful prompts, um, and and
some some of my own letters are
in there too.
That you can read or not read
Depends entirely on what you
prefer.
Then I'll put a link to that in
the show notes, and I'll also
include a link to the first
volume of my Darling Girl too,
although I have a feeling I'm
incredibly low on stock of that.
So if you do want to order,
there might be a little bit of a
wait.
Okay, okay, oh, so much love
Sending a hug and a wave.
Thank you.