Wifey Wednesdays

A healthy, Christ-honoring marriage doesn’t begin with learning how to love your spouse better—it begins with learning to love God more. In this episode, we look at Colossians 3 and consider what it means to make Christ our life, allowing our relationship with Him to shape the way we love, serve, forgive, and care for our husbands.

When we put our spouse in the place that belongs to Christ, we place impossible expectations on them. But when we seek God first, His heart begins to shape ours—and we become the wives we were created to be.

Our marriages are beautiful gifts from God, but the gifts were never meant to replace the Giver. Love God. Love your husband. In that order.

Subscribe to Woven Grace!
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Creators and Guests

Host
Emily Hatfield
Author, Podcaster, Ladies Speaker

What is Wifey Wednesdays?

Wifey Wednesdays: A show for women that focuses on the Titus 2 principle: learning to love our husband and our children, and being the keepers at home that God intends for us to be. Wifey Wednesdays, hosted by Emily Hatfield, is released every Wednesday.

Hello and welcome to Wifey Wednesdays, a podcast for women who are seeking to be the best wives they can be - I’m your host, Emily Hatfield, and this is the show where the plan is always to do things God’s way, especially our marriages.

If you have been listening to Wifey Wednesdays for very long — and listen, I have been doing this podcast since the time when I had to explain to people what podcasts even were — maybe we were still playing Oregon Trail, really not sure. Anyway, if you’ve been listening to Wifey for long, then you know that the entire premise that this show was founded on was…how can I be a better wife? How can I be a wife who models her life after Christ?

Now, from there - whew, haven’t we come a long way. You guys have seen me through so many seasons. Newlywed, a move (or two or five), pregnant, new mom, postpartum depression, mom with a NICU baby, preacher’s wife life, grief life implosion…there’s just been a lot happening over the last 12 and a half years that you’ve somehow been putting up with me talking. But wow, 12 and a half years of Wifey Wednesdays. It’s a lot. And it’s changed so many times. Because not only have you seen me through many seasons of externals additions and losses and moves and all of that - but you’ve also probably noticed that my interests have changed, my Bible study habits have shifted. 12 years ago I’d never read through the entire Bible. Now that’s something I prioritize every year. 12 years ago I had zero clue at the struggles and trials — I didn’t have the ability to have the compassion I have now because I hadn’t experienced nearly enough in my life to even know how to help others. But I have learned a lot in the last nearly 13 years. I have grown. I hope you can see Christ more in me now than when we began this adventure.

BUT, as I mentioned, my interests have changed. And while the last few seasons of Wifey Wednesdays have mostly been Bible studies about following Christ and giving our entire hearts and lives to Him, it hasn’t been very Wifey-centric. We haven’t touched a lot on our marriages. Mostly, that’s because our audience is wider than just wives, and I’m so thankful for that. However, I don’t feel that I am giving Wifey Wednesdays all of the attention I’d like, or really doing a great job of ministering to those who might come to this for encouragement in their marriages.

This season, though, I’m changing that. Mostly because — this is going to be the last season of Wifey Wednesdays, and I want to end in the way we began, really focusing on marriage and how we can honor Christ in this role that we find ourselves in.

And listen, at the end of this episode I’m going to tell you a little bit more about what’s coming — don’t think you’re getting rid of me that easily. I’m not quitting podcasting, I’m just shifting gears. I am prayerful that it will be a little more accessible and beneficial to a wider net, and really encapsulate the interests I have in deep Bible study.

Today, though, we’re going to be actually talking about something related to Wifery! I know, I know, pull yourself back together from the shock. But we can’t wrap up this podcast without bringing it full circle. I don’t want this to feel like one more collection of marriage tips — I want this to be a lasting Biblical framework for marriage. Something that can be kept to pass along to others when they get married, or when they’re in a season of struggle. Something I can share with my own daughter one day.
I want to closely tether this season to Biblical texts, not just my ideas for marriage, because you definitely shouldn’t just listen to whatever it is I feel about marriage. I still feel very new to this whole marriage thing, even though we’ve been married for 15 years at this point!

So, as we begin this last season today, I want to talk about how marriage begins with the Maker.

What is the first and greatest command? Jesus said it is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and the second is like it - you shall love your neighbor as yourself. Loving God in the way that we ought is the primary command of our lives as Christian women. Entering into another covenant, like marriage, is going to be a huge part of our lives - but it can’t be the biggest.

A healthy marriage doesn’t put your spouse first. A healthy marriage is built on Christ first. It is built by people who are seeking to love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. People who are striving to love Him fully and submit to Him fully. Our relationship with each other in marriage, it is going to flow from that initial relationship.

Colossians 3:1-4 is such a powerful section of scripture to me. Paul writes: “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.”

What is Paul getting at here? Christ is your life. You died, and your life belongs to Him. You set your mind where He is. You focus on where He is and what He’s done. Everything about you points to Him…flows from your relationship with Him.

Doesn’t this include our marriages?

There is a way to become self-seeking in marriage. There is a way to become caught in the trap of thinking only of your own interests. The longer you are married, the easier I think that becomes. You allow little things to embitter you. You start thinking that you deserve this or that based on all of these things you’ve done, or things you bring to the table. You start seeking what works best for you, what’s most convenient for you, what’s in it for you. You focus on your energy level or interest level when it comes to intimacy, instead of considering their emotional, mental, physical health. You can start getting that martyr mentality when you’ve been home with the kids all day and then, he gets home, and you’re still having to do all the things and are unable to turn off your day job because they’re with you every single moment it seems. But all of these things — focusing on how it’s affecting me, focusing first on what I need or desire — these can become harmful to our marriages. But before they become harmful to our marriages, they become harmful to our own spiritual lives. When I am making things about me, I am not setting my mind on things above, where Christ is. When I am consumed by what I want and need and desire and deserve, I haven’t made Christ my life. I am my own god. I am my own boss.

A healthy marriage begins when I take myself off of the throne in my heart and allow Jesus to occupy that place. I let His compassion shape my responses to my husband. I allow His tender care to shape how I interact with my husband after a long day. I allow His example of suffering to remind me to bear up under certain things that work my nerves or irritate me to no end, because I know that those things are nothing in comparison to what my Lord went through to secure my salvation. When I will see my husband through the eyes of Jesus, I will care for him ahead of caring for myself. I will seek his best spiritual interest. I will do all that I can to show him God’s love.

If I want to have a healthy marriage — and, let’s be honest, we can’t control half of our marriage — so, if I want to be a healthy wife in my marriage, then what I can do is love God more than I love my husband. And we’ve been saying that tagline for years, right. There’s a reason it’s in that order — love God, love your husband. We cannot love our husbands the right way if we don’t love God far above that. If I want to be healthy within my marriage, I have to devote myself to the Lord and truly make Him my life. When I will do that, His heart will shape my heart. His words will prick my soul. His truths will guide me into righteousness. And when I am shaped by my gentle, loving Shepherd, I am going to be a better wife.

But listen, you can take all the self-help classes and apply all the marriage tips and tricks, but if you leave God out of your heart, you aren’t going to have the marriage He desires for you. If you do everything you can to honor and love your husband, so much so that it pushes God’s place down a few notches…you aren’t going to have the marriage God desires for you. Our marriages are meant to reflect the beauty of our God. The greatest gifts God gives on this earth, I believe, come in marriage. Intimacy and trust and respect and bringing children into the world…oh there are just so many amazing things God gives us through our marriages. May we never take our eyes off of the Giver of these gifts just because the gifts themselves are so great. Life is going to be crazy, and our marriages are going to go through some seasons…but if we can keep our Maker on His rightful throne, then our marriages will not only survive the hard, they will thrive. They will grow. They will blossom. They will endure. Not because we somehow figured it out, but because our Blesser is working through us and refining us.

Today, I wonder how we can reorient our lives around Christ. I wonder how we can focus more on our Savior than we do on our spouse? It’s difficult, because we see our spouse regularly, and chat with him regularly, and do many things together. But hey, maybe there’s something to that if we’re wanting to grow in our relationship with Christ and make Him our life — can we dedicate more time to Him, chat with Him more frequently, spend more time worshiping Him and communing with Him?

I want to have a healthy marriage. I want to have a marriage that honors Christ. I want to grow even closer to my husband with each passing day. I do that by seeking Christ more than I seek anything else — by setting my mind on Him instead of myself or my spouse. When I will give my full attention to Christ, who is my life, then I will be ready to be the wife I am called to be. But only then. It isn’t fair to try to put my husband in the place of Christ. He will fail every time. He can’t meet every need. He won’t do everything perfectly. He won’t care for me exactly how I need. But Jesus? He will. He does! We must rely on Him fully, and first. We cannot place things on our husbands that were meant for Christ to bear. Instead, give your heavy laden heart to Christ, and then let your husband bear some of your load, too — but ultimately, know that Jesus has it.

Ok, so I know this is long, but give me just one more thought before we shift gears.

Think back to the very first marriage. What went wrong?

Ultimately, Adam and Eve chose themselves. Adam chose to keep peace with Eve instead of God — otherwise, wouldn’t he have told her not to eat that because it wasn’t what God wanted? And Eve chose to lead Adam toward her interests instead of toward God’s commands.

What God had wanted for their marriage was for them to seek Him — hadn’t they been enjoying their walks with God in the cool of the day? But suddenly, their decision to choose self left them separated from God.

When we choose to make our marriages about us — either simply about us as the wife, or just focusing on us as husband and wife — when we aren’t focused on God, things can go sideways real fast. Instead, may we always be seeking God first and foremost in our marriages. May we be seeking to imitate Him. May we love the things He loves and love in the way He loves.

So, as we begin this final season, let’s just resolve to love God most. To seek Him daily. To make Christ our entire life.

Now — I know, I know, who can even believe that Wifey Wednesdays is coming to an end. I would be super sad if I weren’t super excited for what’s next.

In January I will be beginning a podcast called Woven Grace: Tracing God’s Faithfulness Through Scripture.

This will be a study through the entire Bible, looking at ways the Old and New Testaments intersect and tell one complete story of our amazing God. The goal will be to help listeners see the Bible as one beautifully woven story of God’s faithfulness — equipping them to study Scripture with confidence and delight, and ultimately, to come to know and love their Savior more fully.

I am praying that this will be a beneficial podcast.

Many of you know that I write pretty regularly for the Motivation Proclamation Facebook page. I am going to be continuing to write, but we are probably going to be moving that under the title Woven Grace as well. And, in addition, add in a substack to go a little deeper into the topics that a weekly podcast just can’t cover.

In January, we’ll begin in Genesis, so go ahead and get in your mind that you’re gonna read through the Bible with me next year. And also, go ahead and subscribe to the podcast and the substack so that you’re ready when things officially kick off.

Like I said, this isn’t goodbye — it’s just pivoting to something that I am very passionate about, and that hopefully can help just one soul come to know Jesus.

And, hey, the Bible talks a lot about marriage, so we’re probably not going to be leaving all of the Wifey themes behind!

But really, thank you - thank you for listening to this podcast for so long, thank you for the encouragement that you always are — just thank you. And thank you for bearing with me as we transition away from this work that I’ve loved and benefitted from for more than a decade…a show that has given me some of greatest friends and dearest mentors. I am just so grateful for all of you and the ways you have loved me through these wonderful, long, hard, joyful, heartbreaking years. God has been faithful, and I am grateful for the gifts He has given me through Wifey Wednesdays.

Now, we’ve got a whole season to get through before goodbye, so, until next time remember - love God, love your husband.