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How to stop doubting yourself and trust the f**k up - a podcast about unbecoming all the things you thought you needed to be. Here’s to loving all parts of you & leaving NONE of you behind.
Abby: [00:00:00] All right, well welcome everybody to this week's episode of I Saw The Sign. I'm Abby Hambell, and we're here with a fabulous Fallon Jaye this week we've just been talking through some different [00:01:00] topics that we wanna talk about, and there are many, but one that felt very present this week is this, and this really came, was inspired by, um, a client call I had last week where, The client was telling me about something that she had come to wanna change or fix about herself, and oftentimes we see this with, with different clients where sometimes the things that they come to change are actually, it's something that maybe somebody else in your life is telling you is.
Is wrong or different or, you know, not the way that they are. So that means maybe it's something wrong about you. And so we are curious about discussing, because as you guys know from our, our tagline in this podcast is we love all parts of you and we want all parts of you to be expressed and, and open and seen and [00:02:00] witnessed.
And, and so what are the parts. What are the, the things that you might be, you know, the things about yourself that you might be making bad or wrong right now that actually might be your greatest gifts and strengths. So that's what we're gonna dive into today.
Fallon: So good. We can all relate to this. And it comes from, like you said, from maybe what other people have told us about ourselves, but it also just comes from the inner dialogue and the comparison of like, so and so is like that. I'm not like that. I should be more like that and therefore I need to fix something within myself.
And we do it subtly, we do it, we do it often and we do it in subtle ways. We do it in louder ways.
Abby: Yeah. You know, and I just, as you were talking, I remember it just reminded me of this time in my corporate life where, I don't know if I've mentioned this on the podcast before. I may have said this to you before, personally, but, um, [00:03:00] but one of the things that I remember my boss saying to me is he's like, you need to, he's like, when you're giving a presentation, you need to speak up.
Like you need to be louder. You need to like project your voice, you know? And. Completely against like
Fallon: If you know Abby, that's not happening.
Abby: So I'm not like the, uh, you know, the, the blustery like salesman who like, Projects loud in the, you know, as I'm giving a presentation, a sales presentation, which is what I was doing, or when I'm just presenting to a group of people, it's, you know, and this is something that in my human design has come up so often is that like my voice is very, it's low, it's very soothing.
It's meant to kind of draw people in in that way. It's not loud and commanding. It's, that's literally the opposite. And, but I kept being told, and this was of course, You know, something that he was telling, telling to me before [00:04:00] I, I had done all of this work and knew anything about, you know, human design or any of this personal growth work that I, that I've done over the last several years.
And so I thought to myself, I'm like, okay, well I guess I need to be louder. I guess I need to work harder to be practice more. And it's like, I remember I. You know, practicing my presentations and like recording myself on my, my phone and just trying to be louder, trying to project more and it's just no.
Fallon: Well, and you projectors don't have that defined throat, so. not, like, if we just knew if we would just bring more human design into corporate corporations, the world would be a better place. But yeah, I am. Um, I have a friend who is a projector that as a male, and he talks so quiet and I find myself like leaning in and he also knows that he does it.
He is like, well, I mean, that's also part of [00:05:00] why I do it, is I want, I want to know that people are gonna come in and listen and I'm, yeah.
Abby: Right, right. Um, so yeah, so that's just one experience that I have that, that I remember and thinking, oh, well I guess this is something I need to change, or really need to work on, or, and, you know, and maybe I would've paid somebody to help me fix, you know, quote unquote.
Fallon: Ooh, there's a topic. Yeah. Where, so there's, there's differences, right? And, and Abby and I were talking about in the coaching world, we're seeing this so much. And it's, it's been brought to the light quite a bit this year of paying a coach to kind of fix you versus paying a coach to walk alongside of you reminding you of who the fuck you are.
Abby: And to bring the safety to you that allows you, that draws out all of these strengths that. [00:06:00] Maybe right now being as you know, flaws or things that are hindering your, you know, quote unquote progress or whatever. So,
Fallon: Yeah. Yeah. And um, really holds the vision of who you absolutely already are as you're walking into that, and like you said, and then doing the nervous system work so that your body feels safe to become more of you, because that's fucking scary sometimes. Um, and it reminds me, I had a client call yesterday and.
Something she's has said on our last couple calls, and she's in business partnerships and obviously married, not obviously, but she's also married, and she's like, I'm just not good at partnership. I'm like, you, you are, but you are learning a lot in the process and you think that the learning of how, who you are in a partnership and what it's bringing up within you means you are not good at it because the lessons are tough.
But there's no, why are we making it mean that you're not good at it? Because you're [00:07:00] experiencing obstacles and you're learning more about yourself and your patterns and what is for you and what is not for you. None of that is making you bad at partnership. It is absolutely growing you into more of where you want to go and who you wanna be.
And I got a text last night from her. She was like, I cannot believe how much better I feel. I'm like,
Abby: Yeah.
Fallon: That's the power of being in somebody else's presence that is not willing to fucking enable the part of you that you're gonna make bad and wrong. We're not gonna enable that in you.
Abby: No. No, and it's, yeah, it reminds me of the client that I had last week who was just like, you know, I really wanna be better at. Relating to people, and I'm like, okay, tell me more about what, about an example of how, how you're thinking about this. And she's like, well, people, people will come to me and they're just so open and I just, you know, they share all of these things and.
And I'm [00:08:00] just in awe of that. Like, I wish I could be that open and that, um, you know, able to share back with people. And the more she went on to describe how people come to her and how they describe her. And she's like, you know, people always tell me I'm so easy to talk to and they love talking to me because I make them feel so safe and all of these different things.
And she's like, and I just, I can't believe it. And, um, And I was like, so what I'm hearing you say is that you are a beautiful, safe space for people to come and share and be totally vulnerable with. And what makes you think that you need to do the same that you need, like they're coming to you for this beautiful gift that you have.
And what if that is. One of your biggest strengths that you are just somebody who is a safe place for people to come in and share with and be open and be vulnerable because that there are not, you [00:09:00] know, there, that's a huge gift. Not everybody can do that and hold that space and she's, she was just like, yeah, what if it's, what if that I don't have to do anything different?
I was like, yeah, what if you don't have to do anything different? What if it's just, you are a, you are a superwoman at holding space for people, and that's a gift and that's something you need to come here to fix with me. Something you get to recognize and own and be like, yeah, fuck yeah. I don't, don't, I, can I get to, you know, pick and choose who I wanna share, whatever I wanna share with, but like I can be this for other people and that's beautiful.
So,
Fallon: And I don't have to reciprocate that to be of worth for them to continue to come back
Abby: Exactly.
Fallon: and trust me. I mean, yeah, I love all of this. I love that. She was like, yeah, so she's gonna get to start to integrate and [00:10:00] embody that more like you said, that ownership.
Abby: Mm-hmm.
Fallon: Because we all need those people that are really safe for us to just like, I, I know that you and I experience this a lot cause we are also that of like, people that come in and like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry I just word vomited all over you.
I barely even know you. I, I, it's like, it's okay. There's just some people in this world that we know that you're, you're gonna come into our, our field, our aura and instantly feel okay to open up. And it like your client, it's a gift. And if, yeah, and then we have our own people that we do that with, and it's just, it doesn't have to be the same ones. Yeah. I love this your sweet client.
Abby: I know and so, yeah. I'm just curious if there are, for our listeners here, if there are, um, Things or things about yourself or things that you see in other [00:11:00] people even that, like, I wonder if you, especially in other people, if you're seeing things in other people that you might think are a problem or that may not be, or things that you see within yourself that you feel like you need to change or to fix,
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: if there's an opportunity.
For you to look at that as one of your greatest strengths.
Fallon: Yeah. And, and how do you wanna reframe that? And it's up to you to reframe it or reach out to Abby and I and set up a session and we'll help you reframe this perspective. And we'll also give you tools on how to get your body on board with believing the reframe because everything happens in the body.
And I wanna share another, we have some time, um, Another story really quick with, I was remembering as we were talking a client, I don't know what, quite a while ago, and she had started antidepressants cuz she just couldn't get out of this dark space and she had [00:12:00] so much shame around starting them. Like she's spiritual and she does all this work and. You know, whatever that means for everybody, right? But a lot of personal development. And she just felt like, I shouldn't need to go on these. Like I should have the tools to do the thing. And I'm like, okay, I am hearing a lot of shoulds. And I'm like, what if this is the absolute next best step for you? And it doesn't have to be forever, but what if this is the gift to give you reprieve to find your way through?
And she just started to bawl and she was like, I never thought of it like that. I've only thought of it as my weakness, and you just now made this my strength. Anything, right? We, we don't have to shame wherever pa and she's off antidepressants now and she's amazing and feels great, but, but maybe she wouldn't have been here where she's at now if she wouldn't have let herself go into the thing that she made bad. You know, and it's like [00:13:00] we, we've heard that it's not as prevalent now, but we've heard that of like people starting therapy, like there's so much resistance around it or working out because it's uncomfortable or. You know, and I think that another place too, in speaking to this, that we hear a lot of comparisons that we make ourselves bad and wrong is with our bodies and our body image and comparing it to others.
And I was even just with a friend a few days ago, and we were talking about like our breast size and how we both are like, have like small, small cups of breasts and boob jobs and like, you know, just kind of ex like just talking about how. How like, and we're both in our, she's in her late thirties now.
I'm in my forties. And how in your twenties that in thirties even, or potentially forties and fifties, I don't know. That can like really become a thing that you compare and make yourself not enough as a woman
Abby: Yeah,
Fallon: and.
Abby: that's, I think you hit the nail on the head with, I mean, as one of the biggest things that women struggle with, that [00:14:00] is something that we make bad or wrong about ourselves, like every day. Not even once in a while, but there's those subtle, you know, things that we say to ourselves or. Maybe you, you don't catch yourself saying it.
Cause I think most people don't catch themselves thinking something because it's just there.
Fallon: Autopilot.
Abby: Mm-hmm.
Fallon: Yeah, but you, you know it, you can catch it in the sensations in your body when you're starting to feel a little bit closed or nauseous or ins, just the insecurity in general. Go back, what the fuck was I just thinking? What was I just observing? That shifted my focus enough that I am now, my body's now responding to that with some contraction that doesn't feel good.
Because contraction can serve us, but in this, in this instance. And so, yeah, that's all, that's for me is always a practice. I know it is for you too, um, of like, oh, I'm actually [00:15:00] not bad or wrong. Like I am built very athletic. I am not meant to have a large chest. I am meant to have big, strong legs that have really gotten me through some shit in life.
And like, it's up to me as, it's up to Abby, as it's up to you as the listener. Nobody can reframe this for you. You cannot have about your body, about your gifts, about things that are actually your strength, that you're making a potential weakness or bad or wrong, or not enough. You've gotta be the one to decide that your your own biggest fan.
You've gotta be the one that sits down at your journal and rewrites the new belief and then integrates it in the body. And every time you veer from that, you say, no, no, no, baby girl. That's who we used to be. I love you cuz we're not leaving any of us behind, but this is now the direction we're going.
We're not believing that anymore cuz that's a choice and it's just, it's ongoing practice. But it will, it works. It absolutely works.
Abby: Yeah, it's just always just [00:16:00] remembering to shift into that new state of being that new belief system, and that's, you know, what? Helps at first is having somebody like, you know, fall in her eye to, to bring those things to the light because it can be difficult in the beginning to notice what you are thinking, um, until you get more practice at the noticing and the tuning into the body.
And that's obviously what we talk about so much on here. Um, but then once you have that foundation down, Then you get to go forward and, and apply that, you know, to your body and also to every area of your life. And that's what makes this work so powerful and so magical is because once you have that kind of basic, um, basic, but I don't wanna say challenging basic, but just takes practice, like anything to [00:17:00] put into, put into play, and.
And stay consistent with it. Um, but once you do that, it's like things just begin to change and you begin to look at life differently and you are somehow this totally different person and you don't know how you could ever have thought these things about yourself before that.
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: And there are some, there are some things, you know that will be a little more sticky.
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: to stick a little, but man, I look, I look back at Abby at 30 and I'm like, damn, who was she?
Fallon: Mm-hmm. Oh my gosh. It is so true. Love her. Love being part of us. Love.
Abby: and got me here
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: and I love, um, but it's, yeah, but it's crazy like how just over time after you've been doing the work, Oh [00:18:00] damn. Everything is different now.
Fallon: Oh damn. Yeah, and it's OK too. I wanna speak to ok like it is for me. I'll speak for myself. It does feel hard sometimes, like it do. It does. Sometimes it's like, fuck, this is so hard. But life is not always meant to be in my experience and. In my experience, this is a belief I can hold or I don't have to hold it, but I believe that we can do hard things.
It's like lifting weights. It's like anything that's uncomfortable, it's going to feel hard, but it's, is it hard or is it uncomfortable and and they usually often go hand in hand, but you can just acknowledge that like discomfort. I don't have to make discomfort hard. I can just acknowledge that I have to hold myself in the discomfort of this new practice, of this new change, whatever it is.
Um, but we were born to do discomfort. We, we know that. I mean, look at the way we're born, like the literal birth process a baby is, [00:19:00] that is full of discomfort. Can you imagine? We can't remember it. I mean, consciously, so like we're born to do, be uncomfortable, we're okay in that.
Abby: It reminds me of, I think this was a moon almonds. Thing that I posted, um, post earlier in the week on Instagram, but it was something to the effect of like, you're here to experience all of it, you know, the joy, you know, take it in and it's all part of the experience, the discomfort, um, you know, the stumblings along the way, all of the things.
And that's just something to leave you with, I guess, as, as we kind of close out the episode, is that. There are always gonna be things and you know, we'll probably dive into more of some of the things that Fallon and I have been going through over the last, you know, couple of weeks.
Fallon: Woo.
Abby: You know, one of the topics we talked about before, this is what to do when it feels like everything's falling [00:20:00] apart.
Fallon: Who do I wanna be through this falling apart?
Abby: Oh my God. When it feels like it's just fucked and you're like, why? I. Happening like this,
Fallon: When you, that's when your beliefs are really challenged. The, the, the belief of like, this is happening for me. This is like, like is is it? So yeah, that'll be. I know I was flipping off the universe the other day. Um, I was like, what the hell, man? Yeah. So that's gonna be a great episode if you can't tell already.
Abby: Once we processed a little bit more, then we'll be ready to.
Fallon: Yeah. Yes. Um, so share with us. You know what, what epiphanies you've had. I'm like, oh man, I have been making this bad or wrong, but actually I'm really good at this and I'm gonna choose to let myself be okay in this gift and shine in this gift. Because that is a lot of the fear too, is that you're gonna shine too bright. Baby girl, like shine, woman shine. And if you have [00:21:00] nobody in your circle that wants to see you shine right now and you can feel it, you reach out to Abby and I because we will cheer you on. We want to see you shine. There's nothing that lights us up more than a woman on her stage.
Abby: Yes. Love it. I often describe that feeling, um, as my heart is exploding into hearts and stars. Wait, that doesn't make sense. But either way, it's. I'm so excited. I'm just like, oh my God, love stars everywhere. I just get so
Fallon: yes, yes.
Abby: so. We wanna just, we wanna share that with you and yeah, so look at, look at it. If there's any way, any places that you're thinking you need to quote unquote, fix or change, ask yourself how they might be your biggest strength, your biggest gifts.
Fallon: Perfect ending. Thank you, Abby.
Abby: All right. Well thank you for listening. We love you [00:22:00] and we be back next week.