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You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest into the lives of others. Find out more at youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You can mentor. Today on the You Can Mentor podcast, I'm with my man Derrick Sire from Reverb Mentoring Restore OKC.
Speaker 1:We're talking about how everything in life has an opportunity to become a teaching moment. Has there ever been a time whenever you've been hanging out with your mentee and he said something like, man, I don't care, or this is stupid, or calm down. It's not that serious. We talk about how to approach that from a mentor's perspective and how to enter into the conversation with humility, curiosity, how to be self aware, and then how to gain awareness of how you're feeling, how the mentee is feeling, the awareness of the room, expectations, consequences. We talk about how mentors can break down any situation to help mentees see the value in any moment, to help them become their best self, become more like Jesus, all of these things.
Speaker 1:Things are important, and everything is a teaching moment, and that's what we talk about today with Derrick Sire. So enjoy it. Share it with your team. Share it with your mentoring friends. And remember, you can mentor.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the You Can Mentor Podcast. This is Zach, your tallest mentor friend, and I'm here with Derrick. Derrick, say hello.
Speaker 2:Shortest your shortest mentor friend.
Speaker 1:That's not true. There's other mentors who are shorter than you.
Speaker 2:What what movie was that with Andre the Giant? Oh, no. It wasn't Andre the Giant. It was Arnold Schwarzenegger, and
Speaker 1:they were twins. It was called Twins.
Speaker 2:What's it called?
Speaker 1:That's what the movie was called. It was called twins. Yeah. Think I'm Arnold Schwarzenegger, and you're Danny DeVito? Is that what you think?
Speaker 2:Danny DeVito. Absolutely. You look
Speaker 1:a lot different than Danny DeVito.
Speaker 2:Just a little bit. Just a little bit. I I think it's
Speaker 1:the hair.
Speaker 2:I have more hair than he does.
Speaker 1:Yes. 100%. It is the hair. Hello, Mentoring Friends. Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 1:Derrick and I have some really important things to talk to you about today. Isn't that right, Derrick?
Speaker 2:At least we think that they're important, of course. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I, like, wonder how many times in my life have I thought that something's really important and people are like, that's not what what? What are you talking about? Just That
Speaker 2:was for you. I That was just for you.
Speaker 1:I think I'm more important than I than I think I really am. That is what it comes down to.
Speaker 2:So what happens when you you you think you're important and then you come to a realization that you're not as important. But then people tell you how important you are, and then we're back at the beginning, like, I'm important because people tell me that I'm important. That's a vicious cycle. Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's a cycle. Filled with pride. Different levels of importance. We don't need to talk about this. Okay?
Speaker 1:All I know is if you're a mentor if you're a mentor, you are important, and the work that you're doing is important. And let me just say this. This is called You Can Mentor for a reason. Alright? You might think it's just playing basketball with a kid, helping them with their homework, going to pick up, you know, something from the grocery store, getting some ice cream, but it's so much more than that.
Speaker 1:Because what you see as an unimportant moment, this kid might be talking about in fifty years. Absolutely. Which oh my gosh. I didn't even mean to do this. I didn't mean to do this.
Speaker 1:It goes into what we're talking about today, Derrick.
Speaker 2:It's almost like you do this for a living. It's like you've done this before.
Speaker 1:I didn't even mean to do that, and it flows so nicely. Okay? So today on the podcast, we are going to talk about how moments are important. Absolutely. How these these things that we do are important and how everything in our mentoring relationship, everything that your mentee experiences can be a teaching moment.
Speaker 2:Every day. Absolutely every day.
Speaker 1:And, Derrick, you talked about how some of these kids, you know, they might have a dismissive attitude towards life. Can you just kinda speak more to that?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. I think, the the more that I mentor, just over time, right, I think you get some of those kids that, really lean into mentorship. They wanna be around older people.
Speaker 2:They realize that there's a wealth of knowledge and information and experience and access hanging around this older person. But then you get other young folks that tend to be on the other end of the spectrum, and they they don't find value at all in that connection. And, I actually did a six week session, with one of my mentoring groups here called I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.
Speaker 2:And I'm like, how many times do y'all say that? Like, I don't care. When you get in trouble, I don't care. Suspend me. Your mom threatens to take away your phone.
Speaker 2:Like, I don't care. When you go to class and they say, you know, you're gonna get a f or a zeros, I don't care. They threaten you to kick you off the football team. You don't care. Police officers are around.
Speaker 2:You don't care. Like, I hear this so much that I'll just focus for the next six weeks on, if you don't care about all these things that everybody else says is important, what do you care about? And they they begin to open up, with some of those things. But I think for the sake of our conversation today, it's like when you have an individual that does not care, they don't care about a lot, and then you pair them with, an an adult, a mentor that cares about everything, that has learned over time how important even the smallest things are, I think that's an opportunity. That's a mentoring moment.
Speaker 2:It's a mentoring opportunity to increase the value of life and our experiences on one end, and maybe on the other end, maybe calm down the seriousness a little bit, meet in the middle, of course, when we learn from each other. But I think that's an opportunity for this older wisdom sage experience to kind of increase the importance and value of life and living on the other side.
Speaker 1:So, like, so often, I also have experienced these kids. Don't care. That's stupid, man. You need to calm down. It's not that big a deal.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And
Speaker 1:I think the, maybe the natural response will be to get frustrated. Yeah. You just don't understand the importance of life. You know? You're and that obviously probably isn't gonna get you too far as a mentor.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:But I think that there is an opportunity here. What would it look like for us to teach our mentees that everything we do, everything we experience matters to some degree?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. I've told this story a bunch. And, you know, my dad, I believe next to Jesus, my dad was one of the greatest mentors that that I've had personally. As as a son, you know, father son, that relationship was a very dynamic one.
Speaker 2:But also, getting to see him with people that were not his kids, I was also mentored to that aspect as well. And I tell this story all the time. I was outside my house and playing basketball, and I was tasked with doing a few things when I got home from school, in elementary school. I was walk I was a latchkey kid, so I would walk home. I'd go in the door, I'd lock it behind me, change clothes, get a snack, do my chores, do my homework.
Speaker 2:Once I did all those things, I could then come back outside and play with my friends, essentially till my parents got home or it was time to eat dinner or whatever it was. And so my dad put this basketball goal above our garage, you know, our garage probably stands maybe eight feet tall, seven feet tall, eight feet tall. So right above it was an eight and a half foot, nine foot basketball goal, and I would just shoot on it all the time. And if I was really good, I'd be able to shoot the ball in the goal. It would hit the back of the rim or no rim at all, and the ball would spin out of the net and come back to me.
Speaker 2:If I was really good, really good, I'd go, I'd make it, the ball would just come back to me. But if I missed it, it would go to the right or to the left, or if it was a hard miss, it would go past me back down the driveway. And I was not really good at basketball at that time, and and so I missed a lot. And so I'm chasing this ball all over the yard, my neighbor's yard, down the street, in the driveway. And so my dad comes home one day, just the end of the day, had his briefcase with him, and he normally he would do this normally, he would do this.
Speaker 2:He would set his briefcase on the porch, and he would rebound for me. And I wouldn't have to chase the ball as much. In fact, he would just tell me to stay right there. I'd stay at the free throw line, and he would chase the ball, and he'd give it back to me. And one particular day, before he went in the house, was like, man, you get up so many more shots when you have other people rebounding for you.
Speaker 2:And I remember this moment of, like, the skies parting, like, it was like the sun shined down, and I thought about the importance of having being a part of a team and having other people around you. When you mess up, they give the ball back to you and you get another shot. You don't have to scuffle to make up for your mistake of missing, but you get so many more shots up when you have people around you that are rebounding for you that are passing back to you. So this is a mentor moment that like, it's one of these things. If I'm if I'm talking to a mentor and I'm trying to get up their mentoring chops and they don't know what to talk about, and they feel like they can't salvage these moments, they can't bring the moment back to be a teachable moment.
Speaker 2:I tell them everything has the potential to be a teaching moment. And as a mentor, and you're trying to get these moments you're trying to milk these moments for lessons, that means that our awareness has to increase, about offense.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Rebound the misses, don't you?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Good. Such a good story. I tell it all the time.
Speaker 1:And, like, how I mean, I think it's so important for our mentees to surround themselves with positive influences. People like you, you know, people who are tuning into the podcast, mentors, of course. And one of the things that we want to teach our mentees is how to appreciate life and all that life throws at you and that everything can be a teaching moment. So how can we as a mentor, you know, come in, relax, non anxious? And whenever a mentee says something like, I don't care.
Speaker 1:You know? That's stupid. How can we engage them in that and kinda break down the moment, break down the situation to help mentees see value that might actually help them become a better version of themselves?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I kind of alluded to it a little bit.
Speaker 2:I guess I can elaborate a little bit more on the first part, which is kind of that increased awareness. And then the second part is once I become aware, how do I read the moment? And so I'm currently working with the city of Oklahoma City with some of its leaders, and we're talking about awareness being a very vital and primary component of leadership. We talk about these five levels of awareness. Number one, being self aware.
Speaker 2:This self awareness is like when I come into a space, am I tired, am I hungry, am I irritable, am I thirsty, is it the beginning of the day where my energy is high, Is it the end of the day where my energy is low? Am I excited about this connection? Do I feel competent and confident and comfortable discussing these things in this space? Do I know these people? Like, all these different ways that we can be self aware in the moment, I think is really important.
Speaker 2:The next thing is being other aware. Am I aware of who's in the room, my relationship with them, who they are and what they do? Just being other aware. Are they tired? Are they irritable?
Speaker 2:Like, being other aware. And then the next three just kinda comes with expectations, being able to navigate consequences, and being able to read the room with multiple people and all those things going on. So first of all, as a mentor, as I'm coming into this relationship, I'm coming into this moment, I gotta first make sure that I'm aware of how I'm feeling, how my day is going, and then I wanna be highly in tune to the other person. Are they talking less than they, normally do? Are they talking more?
Speaker 2:Are they excited? Are they avoiding eye contact? What's their body language like? And initially, when we have these relationships with our mentees, we'll probably have an elevated sense of awareness because we wanna catch all those things. But the more we hang out with them, I believe that awareness will begin to kind of taper out because they'll become normal, and we won't have to be so in tune to everything that's happening.
Speaker 2:So the very first thing I think is, we have to increase our awareness, not only with ourself and others, but the situation, our expectation, and the consequences when we meet or we don't meet those expectations. Do you have any follow-up on that before I go to reading the moment?
Speaker 1:Man, I just think that that's so important. Like, number one is mentors. You know? If we're gonna come in and be the most impactful and effective mentor as possible, we have to first be aware of how we're doing. You know?
Speaker 1:Yes. Yes. And I think so much of that comes from preparing beforehand. You know? Am I taking a couple minutes unwinding from what's going on at work, unwinding about what's going on at home?
Speaker 1:Am I coming in fully present, fully in tune with myself so I can give my mentee what he or she needs? Yeah. But then also, it's like, hey. That first minute that you hang out with them can actually tell you a ton.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 1:Are they excited? Are they smiling? Are they laughing? Are they down? Are they quiet?
Speaker 1:And this is really where you're coming in as a as a detective. Right?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You're real curious. Okay. What's going on with them? Okay. It seems like, yeah, he had the math test yesterday.
Speaker 1:I wonder how he did. He has a basketball game tomorrow. I wonder. You know? Are things okay with the girlfriend?
Speaker 1:Are things okay at home? You know, you're you're kinda feeling all of this out. Yeah. But I think this is real important. You said room.
Speaker 1:Okay? So if I'm hanging out with my mentee and he's surrounded by all of his friends and we're at a McDonald's, Right? Mhmm. And it's loud, and it's like yeah. Like, it's probably not the best time to be like, hey, man.
Speaker 1:How's it going with mom? Or, hey, man. How's it going with your faith? And, like, all of his friends are
Speaker 2:like, hey.
Speaker 1:Duh. You know? We got basketball game. Yeah. And, you know, right.
Speaker 1:So just like I think it's real important for us as mentors. We always talk about, like, asking the right question or saying the right thing. But if you say the right thing at the wrong time in the wrong place, that's actually the wrong thing. And so and I think that this takes a lot of, trust. This takes a lot of faith that because for me, I'm like, oh, man.
Speaker 1:This kid just said something, and I want to address it because I'm fearful. If I don't address it, it's gonna lead to something really bad. Mhmm. It'll hurt this kid. But if I can have faith, okay, Lord.
Speaker 1:They just said this, and I wanna correct it. But I know this isn't the right time because he's with his friends, and he might embarrass him. And he has a game in two hours. Okay, Lord. I'm gonna release this to you, and I'm gonna let and and I'm gonna trust that we're gonna talk about this later at some other time.
Speaker 1:So, Lord, would you bring up this situation again at the right place at the right time where we can have a a good conversation about this that can actually teach my mentee something.
Speaker 2:So good.
Speaker 1:Now you said self others room, which I just talked about. But tell me more about expectations and consequences because I'm not quite sure what that means.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So if I am aware of the expectations between my mentee and I, I'll give you an example.
Speaker 2:I, created this habit of paying for meals when, I would connect with my my mentee. And and that without me saying, sliding across a peep piece of paper, writing an agreement of every time we meet, we will eat. Without even doing that, I created an expectation. And so one time, I met with my mentee at a food place, and I had already ate before I came. The food place just happened to be convenient, a convenient location to where he was.
Speaker 2:I said, meet me there. We sat down, and he was looking at me, and you could tell he was trying to lock in, but he was also, like, looking at the counter, like, you know, like, at the menu. Like, people were walking by with food, and and he was like, are we gonna get some food? And I was like, oh, I I already I already ate. This is across the street from the house.
Speaker 2:You can walk over without mom, you know, worrying about where you're gonna be. And he was like, oh, man. Like, I didn't I didn't eat thinking I was meeting you so we could eat together. So the expectation was my mentor is going to feed me because that's what we always do. The consequences, had he not said anything and had I not done it, is broken trust.
Speaker 2:And so the next time we met, he probably there probably could have been some anxiety or some anxiousness about, should I eat before I go, or is it rude to ask for him to feed me? Does he think that I can't afford my own you know, like, the the the consequences when expectations are not met. However, the consequences I know consequences carries a negative connotation, but the consequences of meeting those expectations as well can can boost the connection, boost the morale, boost the trust. And so if I'm aware of the expectation and I'm aware of the consequences of either meeting or not meeting those expectations, that can go a long way as it pertains to relationship development and increased or decreased awareness.
Speaker 1:It's fascinating. I like
Speaker 2:It's like showing up to a game. I met one of my mentees was used to me showing up to home games, and One time I didn't show up, thoroughly disappointed. I mean, he was, like, almost mad, like, upset, like, hey, where were you? And I was like, oh, was hanging out with my family. You didn't come to the game.
Speaker 2:I had a game today. Yeah. How'd you do? How'd you play? Did you play well?
Speaker 2:He didn't wanna talk about it because he's so used to me coming to the game that because I did not come, he no longer after that, he said for him, it's easier for me to not expect you to come and and see you than to expect for you to come and you not come. And so when we're talking about these expectations and consequences as it pertains to my awareness, their awareness, our awareness of this room and this space that we share, I think not only being self aware, other aware, and aware of the room, but the expectations that we both either agree to or that we've kind of set based on behavior and then the consequences of meeting them or not meeting them, I think is really important.
Speaker 1:That's a great point. And I think maybe I mean, I'm not trying to add to your five points of awareness because, you know, I don't wanna get hit up on that copyright infringement. But what if it's awareness of history? Mhmm. Like, if I like, me being a kid who doesn't have a dad around, you know, I've got those abandonment issues.
Speaker 1:You know? So I'm always you know? Yeah. I'm I'm in my mid forties, and I still do this. You know?
Speaker 1:It's just like I'm always on the lookout for how someone's gonna hurt me.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 1:And so if my kid has abandonment issues, then, like, I should probably be aware of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And knowing that, like, hey. Like, if I don't show up or if I you know, if there's something that he thinks or she thinks that I'm gonna do and I don't do, that's probably that has a larger impact maybe than it should because of their history. Yeah. So what a great opportunity for me to know that, to be aware of that so that I can be extra aware extra keen on communicating. You know?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So, you know, if a guy like you invite me to go to the movies and I don't show up, yeah, you might be upset for a second. But if I ditch my mentee and don't talk to him, like, it could have huge implications.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I think just, like, being aware of kinda their their history, their hurts, their wounds Mhmm. And how it's just like, hey, man. Like, I might not have to communicate like this with everyone, but I for sure need to with my mentee because of their history, because of their past. So
Speaker 2:Yeah. And I and I think if if we were to do, like, you know, two a two b, I think that awareness of their history or their past goes under, like, other aware, like, being aware of them. And this is where having access this is where we steward access well. I think there's some awareness that we can observe, but there's also some awareness that they give us of, like, I don't like being called that or this makes me nervous or I don't you know, like, they'll give you some information so that you can become more aware of who they are. And this is one of the reasons that I love, like, mentee profiles.
Speaker 2:You know, when you ask these questions, as as almost like an intake form, or an application, or whatever you do to formalize their participation with your program and you give that to the mentor, the mentor is coming in with some awareness versus zero awareness. Or I'm trying to, create a profile of awareness based on the five seconds that I've known this kid, the shoes they're wearing, what their hair looks like, how tall are they, do they have what kind of backpack do they have, do they wear glasses, are they you know, like, I'm trying to put this profile together versus being handed something that gives me a head start of awareness on that kid. So I think definitely being other aware allows us to be able to navigate those expectations and consequences a little better.
Speaker 1:That's great. That's a great point. And I you know, so often I get the question like, well, how should we match up our mentee mentors? Do we, you know, just match them up with anyone, or do they have to have a ton in common and things like that? And just, like, having that mentee mentor profile is think it's a fairly easy lift that can actually go a long way.
Speaker 1:So Absolutely. Absolutely. Okay. So we talked about as a mentor, you have to be aware. You know?
Speaker 1:You gotta be aware of self, others, room, expectations, consequences. I would say that, like, in order to be aware, obviously, you have to have some sort of humility, have some sort of margin, right, to kinda take a second and chill and observe yourself, observe how you're feeling. You have to be really curious to understand the mentee, understand what they're going through. And then it is like, once once you have kinda entered into the moment with your mentee and something happens, you know, let's say everything's going right. You know, you're in a good spot.
Speaker 1:They're in a good spot. You're in a in a good environment where you think that you can, you know, talk deep or you feel like the Lord has opened up a door Yeah. Then, like, let's talk about how everything can be a teaching moment. Everyone can be your teacher. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And just how us as mentors, we really can just kinda give a different perspective on appreciating life, appreciating hardships, and really seeing everything as a potential teaching moment that can help you become your best self. Yeah. So I'll ask this. You know, how can a mentor break down a moment or a situation walking side by side with their mentee, not in, a coming down kind of way, but in, hey. Like, let's together, let's see the value in this moment.
Speaker 1:What can we learn from this moment?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So this was this was, you know, point number two.
Speaker 2:I thank you for bringing that back up of, like, when we're talking about increasing our ability to connect with as mentors, increasing our ability to connect with our mentees. Well, number one is awareness. The second one is being able to navigate those moments. And, you know, I think the older that I get, the more that I find moments in everything. One of my one of my favorite mentees or mentors of all time, I call him my master mentor, Weldon Cubic.
Speaker 2:We've talked about him several times on here. He call them he calls them mentoring moments, and it can be absolutely anything. In fact, sometimes it feels like a game to us to, like, figure out how can we take the smallest moment and make it a a mentoring moment. We have we're we're such storytellers, and we wanna make sure that we kind of, like, sidestep or come, like, not as linear or direct as a mentee would expect us to come, but we always have these ways to approach something with a lesson that we hope makes it a a bit more memorable. So you talk about being in a moment with your mentee and trying to make this moment memorable and bring a lesson and kind of juice it for everything that it's worth.
Speaker 2:I think there are some are some ways that we can engage those moments. Number one, I think, as a as a mentor, it's very, it's wise of us to be able to identify that every moment does not have to be a moment. It can be a moment, but it doesn't have to be a moment. Right? It's like, if I was playing catch, with a glove and a and a and a ball, and we're playing catch back and forth, and I keep seeing this kid throw the ball a weird way.
Speaker 2:And I play baseball, and I could I could make this a moment of like, hey, man, you know, you've tried something several times, and it hasn't been working. How about you try something different? You know, like, I could make it a I could make it a very teachable moment, or or I could just play catch. I could just play catch with the kid and let that be the moment. The quality time, the exchange, I could let that be the moment.
Speaker 2:Go ahead.
Speaker 1:I was playing ball with my kid. And, you know, I'm a big sports guy. I'm a former coach. And, obviously, I think I know everything. And my son, one of my kids just throws a baseball weird.
Speaker 1:And I was like, hey, dude. Like, do you want me to, you know, teach you how to throw a ball? And he was just straight up. He's like, dad, I don't want you to teach me anything. I don't want you to coach me.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:I just wanna play catch. Yes. Yes. Yes. I just wanna have fun.
Speaker 1:Yes. And I'm like, That's interesting. Like and and if I'm being honest with you, Derrick, and this is a funny story, but, like, there's also something kinda deep in there. Like, if I ask the question why, like, I do have a tendency to make everything a teaching moment.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 1:And it kinda drives my kids crazy. And but it's it's based out of fear. It's because in my head, I'm like, if my kid throws the baseball like that, some kid's gonna see him and some kid's gonna make fun of him, and I don't want him to do that.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 1:I don't want him to experience that. So I'm gonna fix him out of fear that I'm gonna protect. I'm gonna do this. Yeah. Like, yeah, that might happen.
Speaker 1:That might not. But how like, it's a it's a fear. It's a I I I am operating out of fear instead of out of a faith. Like, man, if we just have fun right now, that's kinda not enough for me. You know?
Speaker 1:Yeah. I don't know, man. It's weird. So
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. But so when when when we're in those moments, even just being in the moment without teaching a lesson, sometimes that is the lesson. I I can tell you how many times I've been hanging out with my mentee, and he has been describing what we do to someone else. And he's like, you know, like, he teaches me a lot and he shows up for me, but sometimes we just get together and have fun.
Speaker 2:Like, we just hang out. And I think, to me, I want that to be a part of our experience as well. So when we talk about five ways to engage, you know, the moment, number one is the moment is just a moment. It's not a teaching moment. I think number two is the moment speaks for itself.
Speaker 2:Right? So, I know sometimes a mentee will something will happen just out of the moment, which leads me to number three, which is mean they'll speak for the moment. So either we're having fun and that is the moment, or the activity teaches that kid something without me saying anything, or that kid will bring up something that they learned and they'll share it with me. Of course, opportunity number four is I tell them what I hope that they learned out of this moment. And then sometimes, you know, this is number five, this is the last one.
Speaker 2:I think based on what's going on in our life that the the moment will will shine bright based on what I'm going through. So I know one of the things talking about playing catch, my son and I, who's a soccer player, were kicking a ball back and forth. And, you know, I'm like, hey, man. Put some some some spin on it. Keep it low.
Speaker 2:Keep it high. You know, send it far. Like, I'm doing all these different things because I wanna see him do all the the different stuff. And at at one point in time, he was like he was like, dad, can you just be dad and not coach? Can you just be can you just can you just kick the ball with me and and not try to coach?
Speaker 2:Keep in mind, I'm not a soccer coach. I'm just, you know, I'm just because we've kicked this ball back and forth like this a really long time, I am personally getting bored with just kicking the ball. So kick it a different way, and he thought I was trying to do something else. But I think the reason that his perception thought that I was trying to coach him is because I'm always trying to coach him. Right?
Speaker 2:And so I think his situation, our situation, our connection brought out something that I wasn't intending to bring out. Dad, you're always trying to show me something. You're trying to show me how to make pancakes, how I flip it too early and it's mushy on the inside, how to put on my socks, how to keep my room clean, how to not forget my shank guards, how to do homework, how to talk to girls, how to read my bible, how to know, like, I'm I'm always and so when in a point where I was just trying to have fun, it felt very familiar and based on our relationship, that's what naturally came out of the moment. And so as a a mentor, trying to identify what's happening, when my awareness goes up, and I'm trying to figure out what's happening with this moment. Are we just having fun?
Speaker 2:Is this an opportunity for this activity to just go and and let it speak for itself? Or do I want to ask my mentee, hey. What are you learning out of this moment? Or am I gonna take advantage of the opportunity and let this mentee know what I'm trying to get him to learn out of this moment? Or will life reveal something along the way?
Speaker 2:I think the moment will bring out of us what needs to happen if we're aware enough and in tune enough and curious enough to pay attention to it.
Speaker 1:That's good, Derrick. I really like that, man.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:And I just think it's out. No. No. No. Please.
Speaker 1:You know, the moment can speak for itself. The mentee can speak for the moment. The mentor can speak for the moment. Life can speak for the moment. Sometimes there's a life lesson.
Speaker 1:Sometimes there's not. And just I think this is part of being spirit led as a mentor. I mean, coming out like what I said earlier, saying the right thing at the wrong time, right thing, wrong place, those things matter. And Yeah. I mean, so so many of the mentors that I talked to, they they want the a plus b equals c.
Speaker 1:They want the tell me what to say, tell me when to say it, tell me how to say it. And I'm just like, yeah. Or you can just, like, you know, be in a place personally where you can be led by the spirit, where you can hear that still small whisper Yeah. And allow that to guide your mentoring relationship. I know it's hard, and I know that's nuanced.
Speaker 1:And I get that that's it'll be different with every kid. It'll be different every week. But I think that there is this, like, this letting go of how your connection with your mentee is gonna go this day and just allowing the Lord to kinda have his way. And that's, you know, that's scary. That's unfamiliar.
Speaker 1:That's releasing control, which I think is Yeah. Probably pretty biblical. But I have just found that, like, most of the time when I come in with an agenda and I'm like, man, today we're gonna talk about this, It usually doesn't hit. It usually doesn't land. But if, like, I'm just aware of these moments, and I'm like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:There's a door open here. Like, my Mentorian maybe just didn't make the basketball team, or my Mentor mighta just had his girlfriend break up with him or failed a math class or had a huge success. Yeah. And if I'm aware and open and, you know, kind of flexible enough to be able to kind of pivot and be like, oh, wow. Like, it seems like this door might be opening.
Speaker 1:Lord, what do you want me to say here? And then just kinda see what happens. That's that typically is where those big moments happen. So Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I think that's that's one of those things you talked about coming with a a game plan. I tell I tell mentors, you know, train. Like, I think there's a sweet spot between not having a plan at all and planning the lord out of your plans. Right?
Speaker 2:I think there's this sweet spot of, I'm curious about I have these general curiosities and interests in this human being that I could probably go through all of those, and it could fill our time up. I could ask them about grades and sports and home life and their faith and I generally that stays at the forefront of our mind when it comes to this relationship. I can go through and ask those questions. I can share from my own lived experience based on my interest or what I know that that person is going through. So, essentially, if all else fails, I can just be human and connect with another person.
Speaker 2:If I come in with this very stringent thing it's almost like have you ever seen a politician that has five answers and no matter what you say, they're gonna all go back to these five talking points? And I think sometimes as a as a mentor, we have this game plan in mind, and no matter what you say you know, that's interesting that you were talking about tacos. I was talking to the lord about fasting the other day. You know, it's like, we we go no matter what, it's all gonna come back to what we had planned to come talk to talk about anyway. And I think sometimes when we get so stringent in that way, we don't give room for the Holy Spirit to move.
Speaker 2:And I honestly believe that if we come pliable and ready and accessible to heaven, that the Bible reminds us that his ways are higher than our ways, that his thoughts are higher than our thoughts, that he's constantly working because we love him and we are called according to his purpose. He's working all these things for the best possible outcome. We're reminded that he has a plan not only for our lives, but the life of his mentee, and that it's good and it's prospering, that we get to partner with heaven to ensure that all these things come to play. And I believe that we can listen to the holy spirit and come with a game plan, but I believe we also have to be flexible and pliable and open and aware and willing enough to allow things to pivot so that that kid gets the most out of that time and not that we feel good about what we brought to the table instead.
Speaker 1:It's both and. Love it. Man, absolutely. I concur, sir. Okay.
Speaker 1:So just to, wrap this up. Right? Like, whenever you're coming into your mentoring relationship, make sure to create margin. Take a second beforehand. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Become self aware. Enter in with humility, curiosity. Whenever you receive your mentee, whenever you all start hanging out, you know, sometimes they might bring out this, I don't care. That's stupid. You know, calm down.
Speaker 1:But we as mentors, we don't react in judgment. We don't react in fear. Mhmm. But we are curious knowing that everything we do matters to some degree. And Yeah.
Speaker 1:There might be an opportunity here to teach our mentee something about what they're experiencing and how everything can actually be a teaching moment. And so Yeah. Just being open and aware that these moments you know, sometimes the moment speaks for themselves. Sometimes it's the mentee speaking for the moment. Sometimes it's the mentor.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it's life. But just knowing that God is going to use, you know, one of my favorite verses. I mean, it's essentially what you just said. Like, God causes all things to work for his good. And Yeah.
Speaker 1:That doesn't mean that all things are good, but it means that he can cause all things to work for his good. And so maybe there's something that you and your mentee experience. Maybe it's good, maybe it's bad, that can cause that God can cause it to work for their good. And Yeah. Just us being spirit led and just be, alright, Lord.
Speaker 1:Is the door opening here? Is there something that you want me to say? Yeah. And then being obedient to that. So that's good.
Speaker 1:Love it.
Speaker 2:Wow. You wrapped that thing up quick, boy. That was nice.
Speaker 1:That's why we're twins. That's why Arnold, Danny DeVito. I mean
Speaker 2:And we know which one is which. We know. We should we should see our podcast like like this. Like
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh. You're ridiculous. Alright. I'm out of here. Thank you for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast.
Speaker 1:Great to be with you. Check out youcanmentor.com. Check out Derrick at Derrick, how can people find you?
Speaker 2:Derrick's on our all platforms, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn. You can go to mylifeof ourlifeoflist.com, which is where I host my book and my trainings. You can go to Revert Mentoring, which you'll find out more about Mentor recruitment training, increases spaces for mentors and mentees to connect.
Speaker 1:Sire, s I e r. Is that correct? Absolutely. Yes, sir. Love it.
Speaker 1:Man, you got almost 4,000 followers on Instagram? Do Dang, bro.
Speaker 2:I never looked at that.
Speaker 1:Alright. Alright. You guys have a great day. Share it with your mentoring friends. We love you.
Speaker 1:You can mentor. Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor Podcast. Our vision is to raise up and invest in mentoring leaders who will launch and grow thriving mentoring ministries. We do that by equipping and encouraging faith based leaders through relational connection, Christ centered resources, and collaborative gatherings. Check out our books, come to the National Christian Mentoring Gathering, and engage with our network and cohorts.
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