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Pull up a seat at our table, where badass women from all walks of life—fashion, beauty, design, music, philanthropy, art, and more—come together to share honest stories, serve truths, and dig into the realities of modern womanhood.
Johanna Almstead:
Hello everyone and welcome back to our new season, fall 2026 with a new episode today, a new guest, and I'm so excited for you guys to get to meet her. I am menu planning for her and although it is fall and although we are kicking off our fall season, I am still basking in the glory of the farmer's market and our own garden and some really seriously gorgeous produce that is still happening. So we're going to kick it off with just a bunch of delicious veggies, like a crudité. I'm going to do a homemade green goddess dressing. I'm going to do these ginormous cucumbers that I have from my garden, peppers, zucchini, carrots. I'm also going to do, I just went to the fish store this morning, the fishmonger, and they had gorgeous oysters. And so oysters are summer to me. Oysters are kind of all the time, even though I know you're not supposed to eat them all year around, but I'm holding onto that.
So I'm going to do some oysters with a really tangy mignonette, which is red wine vinegar and a little bit of shallots. I'm also going to do a cocktail sauce with really tangy, fresh horseradish in it. So we're going to do some oysters and some crudité to start and I'm going to do, I think I'm going to serve that with a little bubbly [inaudible 00:01:40], just like a nice little light bubbles. And then, for dinner, I still have gorgeous corn. So I'm going to make this delicious creamy corn pasta with fresh basil, also from the garden. And on the side, I'm going to do a gorgeous fresh tomato salad. I'm not even going to put cheese or anything in the tomato salad. I'm just going to do some nice little purple onion, a little olive oil, some fresh herbs, a little vinegar and salt and tons of cracked pepper and just let the tomatoes sing because it's so delicious. And I'm going to do a big old crunchy bread with that, so you can kind of dip up the juice from the pasta, dip up the juice from the tomato salad.
And I'm going to serve a chilled Oregon Pinot Noir with that, just a slight chill, just delish. For music, I've been very into the Parcels lately. So I'm going to do a little bit of Parcels. I'm going to do a little Babe Haven, maybe some Nick Drake. I also recently started listening to Everything But the Girl Again and it's so good. So I'm putting that on the playlist for tonight.
My next guest is really a force to be reckoned with. She is bright. She is positive. She is tough. She is wise and she's gone through some stuff. I cannot wait for you to meet her and to hear her story. And I know that it's going to be a really important one for you guys. So let's dig in.
Hello everyone and welcome to Eat My Words. I am really happy to be here today and to introduce you to my next guest. She truly is a reminder that your entire life can change in an instant. My guest today's journey took her from the glamorous world of magazine publishing to the minds of young people in New York City. Her story is filled with some pretty intense challenges, some major pivots and many moments of resilience. She began her career as an editor for publications like New Woman, More, Marie Claire and InStyle Magazine. She's now a licensed speech pathologist and is the co-founder of LGR Learning Group. She's also worked as a clinical supervisor at Pace and Touro Universities where she works with graduate students pursuing their master's degrees. And we're going to get into all that happened on the road between those two things. She is a mother. She is a friend. She is a wife. She's an advocate. She's a tennis player and a beloved member of her community.
Jessica Saslow, welcome to Eat My Words.
Jessica Saslow:
Thank you. I'm so happy to be here.
Johanna Almstead:
I'm so happy to have you here. Thanks for taking time out of what I know is a very busy summer and a very exciting time for you. And I'm so excited to hear your story today and to share it with all of our listeners. Your story is so moving and so-
Jessica Saslow:
Oh, thank you.
Johanna Almstead:
... I really want to get into it. I always like to start by saying to you, where would you say your journey began.
Jessica Saslow:
Where would my, I mean, I guess in childhood. My journey is not made up of a before and after a major event. I think probably, I guess, in childhood. Where'd you grow up? I grew up outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. So first a small town called Glenside and then my parents moved to another town called Riddle. Philadelphia is a very amazing place to grow up and live. I went to the same high school as my parents. It's a very close-knit community, can sometimes be a little insular, but it was a great place to grow up and I was surrounded by family. People who are from Philadelphia often do not leave Philadelphia, hence my attending the same high school as my parents, went to a public high school, went to Syracuse University.
I always joke when it gets so intense and I have my own kids who have just graduated from college that I don't remember applying for college being a thing. We picked a couple schools, filled out our applications by hand. I remember using whiteout on my college application.
Johanna Almstead:
Totally.
Jessica Saslow:
And there was not the drama that it is now.
Johanna Almstead:
Like hiring special advisors and consultants.
Jessica Saslow:
No, none of that existed. I think at one point I had a math tutor, which is ironic because now I tutor kids of all ages. I had a math tutor, who was Russian and I had to go to... It was a different world. I think looking back on my experiences of childhood and having raised two children who are, again, both out of college, I had a very happy childhood. Went to college, didn't think that much about it, didn't know anybody. There just seemed to be so many more possibilities with you meet people, you make friends. It was certainly a simpler time, but I would say things were pretty smooth for probably the first 30 years of my life.
I went to college, had some boyfriends, met my husband, who I actually went to college with, but we had reconnected after college, got married, had a baby, had another baby. And then, we experienced some stuff that I think altered the rest of my life in good and bad ways. I think that's where the pivoting starts.
Johanna Almstead:
That's where the pivoting starts.
Jessica Saslow:
Yes, that's where the pivoting starts.
Johanna Almstead:
Let's go back a little bit because you made your way to New York, right?
Jessica Saslow:
Made my way to New York City. I was an English major in college and I wanted to work for a magazine. That was my dream. It was all I wanted to do. That was actually a major at Syracuse in the Newhouse School. I was in the College of Arts and Sciences. I found some random internship and then got a job at Fairchild Publications, which was, aside from W Magazine, a publishing company that produced mostly trade publications, so went to certain businesses.
My first job was at a magazine called Salon News, and it was a magazine that went to people who owned beauty salons throughout the country. I had the greatest editor in the world. I was given so much freedom. I really learned how, I think, to write. I've always been a good writer, but it was the concept that if you can write, you can write about anything. I mean, I was like 23 years old and writing articles about how to increase your sales through offering more nail services. I didn't know anything about that. I mean, I liked getting manicures, but it was a great learning experience. I made friends there that I am still friends with to this day. And that first job enabled me to get a job as a beauty editor.
So that's something that really does not exist anymore. Magazines don't really exist the way that they did before, but I would write on things that were happening in the beauty industry. I would write for the consumer. So it was more articles like New Year New You, how to do the date night makeup look, what are the new skincare treatments. I would say the biggest difference between what we did and what the influencers are doing now, and no shade at all, is we really had to know what we were talking about. It taught me how to do research. It taught me how to conduct an interview.
That first job at Salon News, I would present something to my editor and she would say, "This is not good enough. You have to call them back and ask more questions." And that's the worst thing in the world that you could possibly do. So I would do things to avoid, let me make sure I get everything right the first time because the last thing that you want to say is, "I know that you gave me your time and we set up a time to talk, but I didn't ask the right questions and I didn't get enough information, so I have to get you back on the phone." So anything to avoid those things, it taught me to be prepared, which is something that I use in my job and my work that I do now. And it taught me to be way more detail oriented and also way more thoughtful about how I approached certainly my work life, which hopefully transitioned into my personal life as well.
So trade magazine and then, I finally got into consumer magazines. I think maybe Ladies Home Journal was my first stop or, oh, I'm sorry, it was New Woman Magazine, which is a magazine like many of them that do not exist anymore. And from New Woman, I went to Ladies Home Journal, if I remember correctly. And then we worked on the launch of More Magazine, which was a groundbreaking magazine for women over 40. And that seemed so old to me at the time.
Johanna Almstead:
Totally. Totally.
Jessica Saslow:
And then, I went on to Mary Claire, which was probably my favorite magazine experience, and that is when I had my daughter. So I took some maternity leave. I went back part-time and then, that situation didn't work out for a couple reasons. And then, I was home with a very young child and I loved being a mother, loved taking care of my daughter. It was almost easier than working in some ways. I felt like I was missing a work experience. I remember being jealous of people at Starbucks because they had a job and I didn't. So from there, I sort of segued to some part-time work and was freelancing at different magazines. And then, eventually, I was getting a little bit older, a little bit closer to that More age, though not quite there. I had bosses who were like 25 years old and really great at what they did. I sort of felt like I had aged out of that environment.
Johanna Almstead:
I mean, I think that's a really real thing, particularly back then in the media and the fashion and beauty space. It was very hard to become a mother and working a grownup a little bit in those. It was a very hard time and it was a very hard schedule, I think, too for people who were trying to build a family or trying to do something other than work all the time at a magazine.
Jessica Saslow:
Yes.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. So I want to back up a little bit too. I just want to ask this question because I always love it, is when you were growing up in your happy childhood in Philadelphia and going to Syracuse and doing other things, did you have a picture in your mind of what having it all or what success would look like?
Jessica Saslow:
I don't think we thought like that back then. I always joke with my friends that when I was in college, nobody asked me if I liked it, no one asked if I was happy. You just sort of did the things. I also have my parents as an example who lived their life very similar to the way that they had grown up. So I guess that was the goal, but without any attention paid to it. I am not one of those stories where I grew up in a small racist town where I was dying to get out and see the world. I didn't really question it, not because I wasn't intellectually able to. That thought process, either I didn't know it was available to me or I wasn't unhappy enough to think I don't like this, how am I going to make the change. I just went with the flow, not in a passive way. I mean, I'm certainly intelligent enough to contemplate what I want out of my life, but there didn't seem to be as much emphasis.
And Johanna, I know you're a little bit younger than I am on what are your dreams, what do you want, what makes you happy, that was not part of the conversation.
Johanna Almstead:
It was kind of like what do you do next.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah
Johanna Almstead:
You follow the path.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah, exactly. Follow the path, not in a you follow the path because you must follow the path. I guess if there were not any big hiccups, you just followed the... Had I been involved in something that really made me unhappy, I think I probably would have considered it a little bit more, but-
Johanna Almstead:
You were cruising. You were cruising along.
Jessica Saslow:
... I was cruising. Everything was going fine. I mean, what was the, the biggest step I remember... I love playing tennis and we joked about it. I don't know how good I am, but it does bring me joy. But one of the biggest disappointments that I had was where I grew up, you either played field hockey or lacrosse. So field hockey, and I think I took on tennis at some point, but it was field hockey or lacrosse. I was the worst runner in the entire world. I could not keep up with these sports and every single person made every team that they tried out for in high school, except for me. I did not make the lacrosse team, I couldn't do it. I couldn't run. I couldn't catch the ball. I couldn't throw the ball. I couldn't cradle all the things. So I remember that being a disappointment, but there were no huge hiccups. But as amazing as that was, I think not having to overcome challenges left me somewhat unprepared for things in my twenties.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. So let's get to your twenties.
Jessica Saslow:
Okay.
Johanna Almstead:
So you had your baby. How old were you when you had your first baby?
Jessica Saslow:
I was 30 years old when I had my daughter. Yeah. So I got married probably at 29, met my husband maybe 27, 28. We moved in together. We got engaged. We got married, had a baby a year and a half after we got married. Now, I'm creeping into my 30s, but just about... There was a guy that had broken up with me when I was in my twenties, and I remember he wasn't such a great guy, it wasn't like this big devastation, but I remember being very surprised by the emotions that I had about it and not really knowing what to do with the anxiety, the disappointment, the rejection. So I think that that was probably the first time that it came up that if you don't exercise that muscle, your coping skills may need a little bit of work.
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah. I think about that actually a lot as a parent now because I have little kids still and their lives are so easy and I worry about their lack of coping skills, right? Like what happens when something bad happens or hard happens?
Okay. So you had your baby, you missed working, so you did some part-time working and then you had your second baby how much later?
Jessica Saslow:
I did some part-time working. I had my second baby. I went to work. My kids are three years apart. They're both summer babies. I went to work with a friend, for a friend, which was fun, but it was at that point I really, really wanted to go back to work and I felt like I need to learn how to do something. I'm too old to start at the bottom and work my way up. And this was before company loyalty and working hard went completely out the window, but I felt like I needed to learn a skill. I was talking to my best friend from college who said to me, "You should look into either speech language pathology or occupational therapy or physical therapy because..." And she's a psychologist. She said, "I make referrals to these people a hundred times a day. They're really cleaning up. They're doing well." So I looked into some graduate programs and physical therapy looked like too much science, which I didn't think I would be good at, but I probably would have been fine.
So I decided to do speech therapy, which was a challenging, but also such an amazing experience in and of itself. So I couldn't just apply to graduate school. There were a bunch of prerequisite courses that I needed to take. So I took the pre-reqs at a bunch of different schools. I applied to graduate school. I got into a graduate school and then I went to school full-time. I was not working at the time, but I went to school full-time with two kids.
Johanna Almstead:
And your kids were little then? How old were your kids?
Jessica Saslow:
My kids were little, so elementary school aged. I had a great babysitter that would pick them up from school on days that I was in grad school, and it was not that hard. I remember thinking that it would be sort of daunting and someone gave me the advice. I was looking at the time, how much time do I have to invest in this and someone had said to me, "The time is going to go by whether you do something with it or not. So the time is going to go by and you will have a graduate degree or the time is going to go by and you won't." So that put an end to the time argument for me.
Johanna Almstead:
I love that. That's so simple. It seems sort of silly, but it's so simple.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah, it was-
Johanna Almstead:
You could either end up with a degree or not, so you decide.
Jessica Saslow:
Exactly. Exactly. And it felt very manageable the way that they had the program set out and there were certain days that I had to be there and certain days that I didn't. The biggest challenge at that point was I got my graduate degree at Touro University, which is an Orthodox school. And the biggest challenge is that they follow a completely different calendar than my children did. So I was working Christmas break. The expectations were... There were tons of days that we got off, but they didn't really jive with the rest of my world.
Johanna Almstead:
So it's been interesting to listen to you tell your story already because you keep saying how easy everything was.
Jessica Saslow:
Okay. That's good.
Johanna Almstead:
I love that because I think it's obviously from a perspective of what you've gone through since. So I would love to kind of get to the big hiccup if we can because you basically have said things were easy, they weren't that hard. Nothing was that hard.
Jessica Saslow:
It didn't seem that hard. So one of the things that you have to do when you get your degree in speech language pathology, you have to do one year under supervision. You get paid for it, but you do not fully receive your license to work as a speech language pathologist, which you are required to have for a number of different things until you do this, like there's a certain amount of hours for supervision. I think it works out to nine months if you work part-time, but it's a set number of hours you have to work under supervision.
So I looked at a bunch of different settings. As an SLP, you can work in all different kinds of places, so schools and doing early intervention through different agencies. So the job that I had where I was under this supervision was at a skilled nursing facility, otherwise known as a nursing home in Brooklyn. And I loved it so much. Again, the greatest supervisor in the world. I have been so fortunate to have such amazing people mentor me, whether it was editors or supervisors or coworkers, but I had this great supervisor. It was an area that I really knew not too much about. So I was working with the older population, a lot of dementia, a lot of dysphagia, which is swallowing issues, a lot of cognitive rehab. So working with people who had had strokes, working with people who had had traumatic brain injuries, and I got a little taste of all of this in graduate school.
So it's about maybe six months into this experience, working with adults, thinking that I knew all of this stuff. I went to sleep one night. I had to be there early in the morning and I wake up to my doorbell ringing and it is-
Johanna Almstead:
And you're in New York City at this time?
Jessica Saslow:
I'm in New York City in my apartment with, my kids are sleeping and my husband had gone out that night. So I wake up, it's probably about 1:30 in the morning, just when I'm hitting that deep sleep cycle, to my husband's assistant, because I was not reachable on the phone saying, "You have to come with me to the hospital right now. Your husband has been taken to the hospital and they're not sure what is going on." I said, "Where is he?" I actually did not go with her and went into sort of like automatic mode. She said, "I will stay here with the kids. You have to get to the hospital." I called my in-laws, I think, to come in and relieve her. I took a cab to a hospital that was very, very close to me. I live in Lower Manhattan. I went to Downtown Hospital, which I probably could have walked to more quickly, went into the emergency room and my husband was having a stroke.
Johanna Almstead:
He was like currently-
Jessica Saslow:
He was having a stroke like having a stroke-
Johanna Almstead:
... as you walked in?
Jessica Saslow:
... as I walked in, as I walked in.
Johanna Almstead:
Oh, Jesus.
Jessica Saslow:
And lots of things I had to-
Johanna Almstead:
And he was how old? Can you say how old?
Jessica Saslow:
He was 46 years old.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. Not something you expected to happen?
Jessica Saslow:
Not something I expected to happen. Not something that I expected to happen. And one of the protocols with the stroke is there is a, depending on which kind of stroke it is, there's a drug that they can administer to break up a clot if the stroke is caused by a clot, but you have to sign off on it because there are all kinds of risks involved. So because I was not at the hospital and was not reachable, I couldn't sign off until I had gotten there. They administered this medication and it did not break up the clot that was causing the stroke. So they said he needs surgery. I rode in an ambulance with him to New York Presbyterian Cornell on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. They rush him into surgery and I am left in the waiting room in the middle of the night waiting for a word about what is going on.
Some of that night is so crystal clear to me and some of it's a little hazy. I don't remember, I wasn't weepy, I wasn't crying. It was kind of like an out-of-body experience. And so he did have a blood clot that had led to the stroke. They performed surgery to remove the clot, but then he was in the ICU.
Johanna Almstead:
So this was emergency brain surgery?
Jessica Saslow:
Emergency, well, not brain surgery in terms of... So they go in through, it's called a thrombectomy where they go in through your groin and thread something up through your body to break up the clot. And then once the clot is relieved, they look to see has normal brain flow been restored and how much damage was done.
Johanna Almstead:
And wait, can we just pause for one second?
Jessica Saslow:
I was going to say I was going to do a little bit of mini stroke education, but go ahead.
Johanna Almstead:
First, I just want to go back. Your husband up until this point was like a perfectly healthy 40-something year old man, right?
Jessica Saslow:
Perfectly healthy 46 year old man, yes.
Johanna Almstead:
No previous heart conditions, no previous brain conditions, nothing that you would never be told to be on alert for this. Because I think this is important for people to know that, not that we shouldn't all walk around being terrified that we're going to have a stroke, but that this can happen overnight, right? Literally overnight.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah, it can certainly happen overnight. There were a few days prior to this, there were two things that obviously I know hindsight is 20/20. There were two signs. The first one was he had a cough for weeks and weeks caused by, I think it was allergy season for him. So spring is when he gets allergies. The stroke happened in June. So he had this cough that would not go away and was coughing and coughing and coughing. One of the theories, and I don't want to get too far ahead, is that perhaps he had coughed a tear into his carotid artery. The other thing was a few days prior to the stroke, so maybe five or six days, we went to something at my son's school that required us to walk a couple flights up to his classroom. And he said, "I feel weird. I don't know, just something feels off." So he had a concierge doctor come to his office. At the time, he was the general manager of a record label. So there were all kinds of perks that came with the job who gave him some cough medicine, basically said that he was fine and there is no blame placed on this whatsoever. Why would you possibly be thinking that someone is about to have a stroke when they say, "I feel weird and I also have this cough." There was nothing that was indicative that he should get further testing or imaging or anything along those lines.
And just the point that I was going to make before is that there's two different kinds of strokes. One that is caused by a blockage. So the blood, which carries oxygen does not get to the brain. That's called an ischemic stroke. And then there is a hemorrhagic stroke when something bursts in the brain. I'm giving you the simplest explanation that I possibly can.
Johanna Almstead:
Stroke for dummies.
Jessica Saslow:
Exactly, stroke for dummies. So something bursts in the brain, sometimes it's called a brain bleed, and that also affects the brain's ability to get oxygen, which is required to function in the right way. Is that a good, any questions?
Johanna Almstead:
No, that makes sense.
Jessica Saslow:
That makes sense? Okay. So that was what. It's a little bit about strokes and a little bit about how we got to my husband's being in the ICU.
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah. Okay. So then what happens next?
Jessica Saslow:
What happens next? He's in the ICU. He gets transferred to just a regular room at some point. He is coming to and he can't speak.
Johanna Almstead:
Right. Literally no words?
Jessica Saslow:
Not even a word. Not even a word. I think he could say, "Um, yeah," and that was it. He couldn't speak, and he also was having a very hard time understanding, I think, where he was and what was going on. All 100% normal, but he physically was fine. So there may have been some issues with loss of sensation or loss of mobility, but that resolved itself very quickly. And then, I was left with a husband with, so the technical term, which is a speech and language disorder, is he had aphasia and still has aphasia. Once you have aphasia, you never do not have aphasia, but I had a husband who could not communicate. And the irony that this was now my field of study and practice is certainly not lost on me.
Johanna Almstead:
I imagine so. The world works in mysterious ways.
Jessica Saslow:
Yes. So there were a few other medical issues. He went to rehab for about a week and then they sent him home.
Johanna Almstead:
Whoa. How long was he in total between the hospital and rehab? How long was he-
Jessica Saslow:
Probably about two weeks.
Johanna Almstead:
Wow.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah. And in the rehab, he was getting speech therapy, physical therapy and occupational therapy. He was discharged immediately from physical therapy and occupational therapy really focused more on cognition, then fine motor movements, which is usually how some people think of occupational therapy, handwriting for kids or being able to fold laundry, get yourself dressed, do snacks.
Johanna Almstead:
Put your socks on, tie your shoes.
Jessica Saslow:
Exactly. Exactly. Those are known as activities of daily living. So do you need support in order to do those things?
Johanna Almstead:
And he could do all those things?
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah, he could do all those things. Yep.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. So I want to just check in on you in this moment, right-
Jessica Saslow:
Okay. Well, thank you. Yes.
Johanna Almstead:
... because this is not a very long time. This is only two weeks of your life, right? Two weeks fly by. I just was on vacation for two weeks, that flies by. You went to bed one night. Two weeks later, your husband is coming home a different person. What was going on with you in those two weeks?
Jessica Saslow:
I think a lot of shock and a lot of tears, but also full like let's-get-this-fixed mode. Certainly trying to support my kids in the best way possible.
Johanna Almstead:
How old were they when this-
Jessica Saslow:
My son was graduating fifth grade and my daughter was graduating middle school. So during this time, there were two graduations, which I went to, I think, with my mom. And they were also set to go to sleep-away camp.
Johanna Almstead:
Which was probably a good thing?
Jessica Saslow:
It was an amazing thing. It was an amazing thing. They were packed. They were ready to go. There was a conversation with, they had seen my husband in the hospital. They knew what was going on. We decided it was best for everybody if they, and the camp that they went to was like a big warm hug and it was not their first summer and they had tons of friends there. And I was in constant contact with the camp director and everybody was looking out for my kids. And it really allowed me to focus on the work that needed to be done at home. And the work that needed to be done at home was I think just recovering from the shock of it all, putting certain things in place.
I have read so much about this, not just my experience, but experience of other people who have been through something similar where you are just in like go mode, what do I need to do to. And again, I keep saying, what do I need to do to fix this because I think that is how we are almost programed to handle things. Acceptance comes much later, but it was, let's fix this, let's fix this, let's fix this. I was also running against this deadline. One of the things that they will say to anyone who has experienced something very similar, and they still say it to this day, and this is the most maddening thing in the entire world, is he's got three months to make progress and anything that doesn't happen within that timeframe, that's the best that you can hope for.
Johanna Almstead:
Geez. No pressure there, huh?
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah. No pressure there. No pressure there.
Johanna Almstead:
Don't fuck up up your husband, please, in these three months.
Jessica Saslow:
Exactly. It's an issue with our healthcare system also. This is not just the message that doctors report, this is how insurance companies run. So this is when you are approved for services like speech language pathology or physical therapy, if you do not show progress, if you do not show, then you're discharged. And if you are on a government-run plan or even privately-held insurance plan, if you're not making progress, you cannot continue with services. So there's a whole-
Johanna Almstead:
System.
Jessica Saslow:
... There is a whole system. There is a whole system put in place that reiterates this idea that you make progress or you are done. It has to be meaningful, it has to be measurable. And then, if it doesn't happen in that timeframe, too bad.
Johanna Almstead:
You're screwed.
Jessica Saslow:
You're screwed.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. I want to talk a little bit about things that were helpful to you and things that were not helpful to you around this time. I think we can talk about it for life also, but I also feel like it's so important because, I mean, listen, we could do 17 episodes on what to do if somebody in your family has a stroke, which I think we'll touch on a lot of it, but I really want to get down to the human care of you and the human care of your family. And you had said something to me when we talked about the worst thing someone can say to me is this. I want to talk a little bit about that, now that was happening because you're a woman in shock, right? You're a mother, you're a wife who's losing part of her loved one, her partner who you may not even know that that's happening, and you are a citizen in the world trying to function. And you have this added pressure of knowing how bad this is because of your profession, but also this time clock that's ticking about this progress.
So I want to just talk a little bit about in those weeks around that and around that time, what were some of the things that people did that were helpful? You don't have to say the things they did that weren't ,if that feels too personal.
Jessica Saslow:
I think it's such a personal thing and there's so much dedicated to what to say or do to somebody who is going through. But my number one, I mean, it could make me cry just even thinking about it, the number one thing that people said to me that was so hurtful was, "I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through." And to me, I have spent so much time on this one statement, even after the fact when I wasn't so raw, but I don't interpret that statement as anything other than... Am I allowed to curse on the podcast?
Johanna Almstead:
Of course.
Jessica Saslow:
Okay. Anything other than your shit is so bad that I can't even go there, better you than me. I know people mean well when that is something that they say, but if anybody takes anything out of this podcast, I would just want someone to consider how that lands.
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah. I definitely have said that to somebody. I know I have. In my head, I thought I was being empathetic like I'm trying to imagine, but I can't. Now, I get it, I get what you're saying-
Jessica Saslow:
Trying to imagine and can't is like, I can't imagine it because it's that bad.
Johanna Almstead:
Right. No, that totally makes sense now. Yes.
Jessica Saslow:
Right. So that's my big one. The other one is being told, "You're so strong." It's a tremendous amount of pressure. It doesn't leave-
Johanna Almstead:
You're like, "Fuck you, I don't want to be strong."
Jessica Saslow:
I don't want to be strong. I don't want to be strong and I'm not necessarily strong. And when someone says that you're strong, it doesn't allow you to not be strong.
Johanna Almstead:
Right.
Jessica Saslow:
So you're so strong and you have to be strong.
Johanna Almstead:
Right. And you have no choice is the part.
Jessica Saslow:
You don't have any choice and it's not being strong, it is literally just trying to survive.
Johanna Almstead:
It's just keeping your head above water.
Jessica Saslow:
It's keeping your head above water. And what if you can't keep your head above water? What if you can't?
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah, like what happens if I'm not strong?
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah. What happens if I'm not strong? I wasn't strong. I was just doing whatever I needed to do to survive. I think those are completely different things. There are plenty of curled-up-in-bed moments where I just can't face this and breakdowns, but I know it is meant as a compliment, but I don't think it's strength. I think it's to me to have somebody say, "I see you."
Johanna Almstead:
I see how hard this is.
Jessica Saslow:
"I see how hard this is. I see all that you were doing" is such a different sentiment to me than, "You're so strong." That's how I took it personally, but it's not strength, it's survival.
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah. Two different things.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah.
Johanna Almstead:
Also, I have a couple experiences with that and it's like, "What's my other option? Am I going to just like fall apart and let my family fall apart and not take care of my children and not take care of my husband and not take care of the things?"
Jessica Saslow:
But you should be allowed to fall apart also.
Johanna Almstead:
Right, right.
Jessica Saslow:
It's okay, it's okay to fall apart.
Johanna Almstead:
Right, right. Yeah.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah. What's your other option? I guess unless somebody is in physical danger, what's your other option? You're just trying to keep it all together and keep it all going. I think that I don't know if strength is the right adjective for that.
Johanna Almstead:
What do you want people to say to you?
Jessica Saslow:
What did I want people to say to me? I guess, "I'm so sorry. This sucks."
Johanna Almstead:
This is so hard.
I mean, my son and I used to go in my closet and shut the door and just scream like, "This fucking sucks." That's it. I think just to, "This sucks."
To acknowledge actually what's happening.
Jessica Saslow:
Yes, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what you're going through." Along those lines like, "I want to be helpful," not, "How can I help? I want to be helpful." You can either tell me something that's helpful to do or I can do something that I think may be helpful.
Johanna Almstead:
I'm going to guess is helpful.
Jessica Saslow:
I guess maybe helpful. But I do want to put a little bit more of a positive spin because I compiled a list before we spoke and some of it made me laugh. Things that people did that were helpful. My sister-in-law sent me for Botox and paid for it.
Johanna Almstead:
I mean, that is my favorite fucking thing ever. I would not have though of that.
Jessica Saslow:
Do you know how helpful that is? I had another friend who said, "My nanny's sister is available. Can you use her for anything?" I said, "Yes. Can she just come do the laundry and not talk to me? I just want someone to do the laundry." That was incredibly helpful. So these are things that were helpful to me. And then, we can talk about where everybody is now, which is amazing. My husband had a friend, who came and took him out to dinner once a week-
Johanna Almstead:
Oh, brilliant.
Jessica Saslow:
... when he could not hold a conversation.
Johanna Almstead:
Oh, I love that friend. That makes me want to cry.
Jessica Saslow:
That's the most beautiful thing in the entire world. It was like a weekly standing date and people were amazing and extraordinary. And before my son went to camp, somebody loaded up his iPod with all the songs that he wanted, which was something that my husband had done. I needed graduation gifts for my kids for those two graduations and they just magically appeared. There were moments that were so hard, but there was also such beauty and such generosity of spirit.
Johanna Almstead:
How people showed up.
Jessica Saslow:
Exactly, how people showed up.
Johanna Almstead:
You said also in your list when you sent it to me, this idea of people still including you and your husband in things.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah, I mean-
Johanna Almstead:
I hadn't even thought about that, that you wouldn't be, but I guess there were times when you weren't.
Jessica Saslow:
I don't think it was, especially in the beginning days, I don't know that we were an easy couple to be around. I was shellshocked. He could barely speak. We weren't fun guests at a dinner party, but-.
Johanna Almstead:
But you still wanted to be invited.
Jessica Saslow:
I also wanted to go. I mean, what am I doing if I'm not going? We're at home by ourselves. So it was being included, meaning extending the invitation and being okay with us being there.
Johanna Almstead:
And being a little bit of a mess, like being not perfect.
Jessica Saslow:
Exactly. Right. And not judging that, but just being present, showing up. That to me is such a gift. Anytime I get an invitation now, I always say, "Thank you for including me," because I am happy to be included, whether it's something that I want to do or don't want to do. I think just including somebody who's going through something when they might not be the most fun guest is a terrific thing.
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah, it's funny. I think about that a lot. We host a lot here and we had friends who were new friends. I was friends with the wife, but we didn't really know the husband yet. We hadn't really hung out as a couple very much. We had invited them over for dinner and she was like, "Well, that happens to be the day that we're burying my husband's mother. She died this weekend. She was very, very old." I was like, "Okay, do you want to come? If you want to come, then come." She was like, "Really?" I said, "Yeah, come. Bring your mess. We're good with the mess. We'll feed your mess. We'll water your mess. We'll drink your mess. We'll do it. Bring your mess." I think that that's something that actually bonded us as friends very much, but it was also just like, it felt nice to be the place where people can bring their mess also, and that people are going to love you in your imperfections.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah. We were a mess. We were a mess. We were a bit of a mess. So that meant more to me than anything. Also, people just, like I said, with the gifts, people just doing the thing-
Johanna Almstead:
Without even asking.
Jessica Saslow:
...without even asking, without even asking. I could give you a ton of different examples, but I think people doing the thing without asking and not... When you ask somebody how you can be helpful, again, another thing, if you read anything about grief or caregiver support, when you say to somebody, "How can I be helpful," you are actually giving that person more to do.
Johanna Almstead:
You're giving them a task.
Jessica Saslow:
Then they have to think about it and then they have to manage it. So anything that could have taken things off my plate, there was a lot to arrange, speech therapy and occupational therapy, getting him back to work, dealing with insurance, making the phone calls.
Johanna Almstead:
It was interesting to me because now, so overnight or over two weeks, you become a caregiver. But you become a different kind of caregiver than what a lot of people are, right? It's not so much the physical. You're not wiping anyone's butt, you're not cleaning syringes, you're not changing IVs, you're not doing anything like that, you're doing mental load. Your entire caregiving role now is essentially mental load, number one, for two people, and also the rest of your family, already on top of the normal mental load of being a working mother, so you have that and then, it's like admin and it's logistics and it's executive functioning. It's a lot of that stuff, right?
Jessica Saslow:
Yes.
Johanna Almstead:
And so can we talk a little bit about you had to shift into that mode and you're taking on the entire navigating the health stuff, navigating the therapies, navigating his work, navigating insurance. How did you even know where to start, I guess, for people who are in this situation?
Jessica Saslow:
Okay. I'm very type A, and I am also the oldest daughter, so I love that shit. The hardest-
Johanna Almstead:
You were born for this.
Jessica Saslow:
Exactly, I was born for this. The biggest challenge there was losing my partner that I made decisions with, so not having a team member to... And this is not one tragedy is worse than another, but had it been a child, I would have had my husband there with me to help shoulder the emotional toll of it all and make some of those decisions. So it wasn't the doing all the things. I could do all the things. I'm pretty good-
Johanna Almstead:
You're good at that.
Jessica Saslow:
... I'm good at that stuff. I would say it was the decision making and not only the decision making, but the decision making and explaining why I had to make certain decisions that my husband was not quite ready to discuss. A major example is sending my son to private school. So I had one kid that went public school the whole way, and that was the plan for my son also. So he was about to enter public middle school, and not that I was more concerned about him than I was about my daughter. My daughter was actually going to a high school where my sister had worked and had a big role in the administration. So I knew that she was sort of taken care of. I felt like I needed a little extra support for-
Johanna Almstead:
You needed more eyes on.
Jessica Saslow:
I needed more eyes on my son. I needed more eyes on my son because I didn't have the bandwidth for all of that. And I wrote a letter to a wonderful, beautiful, very progressive private school in my neighborhood that we had actually toured, I think, for my daughter, just looking around to see about private schools, public schools. We chose not to for financial reasons. And I wrote a letter to the director of the private school and I said, "Here's what happened. Please find a spot for my son. I don't care if he is going into sixth grade, if you want to hold him back for a grade. I need some help. I need him in a place other than where he is headed."
Johanna Almstead:
And this was in July, like you were doing this right before school?
Jessica Saslow:
This was at the end of July when the school year starts in September, and he did. I got a beautiful response. I mean, talk about wonderful things that-
Johanna Almstead:
Angels. Talk about angels.
Jessica Saslow:
Angels. Angels, yes.
Johanna Almstead:
Angels. And so you had to navigate that whole decision and your husband probably wasn't ready to even talk about it.
Jessica Saslow:
By the way, break the news to my husband that not only did I put our son in private school, but it costs $60,000 a year.
Johanna Almstead:
Just a little chump change.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah, just letting you know. Which was, this was not totally out of the cards for us, but it certainly made-
Johanna Almstead:
Was not something you had planned on.
Jessica Saslow:
... it certainly made a dent. And we didn't know if he was going to be able to keep his job, not keep his job. So that was one of those like, fuck it, whatever the money is, this is what we need to do.
Johanna Almstead:
This is what we have to do.
Jessica Saslow:
Yes, exactly.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. I want to pause here for a second because I feel like we haven't even talked about, you started to just allude to it a little bit, where was your grief during all this time? Was there a grief? Was it a trickling thing? Was it a falling off a cliff thing? Did you even realize what was happening? As you're talking about all this, you're losing your partner, you're losing your strategist partner, your parenting partner, you've gone through this trauma, he's gone through this trauma, your kids have gone through this trauma, where in the world were you finding a place to allow for the grief?
Jessica Saslow:
My grief was, there were many levels to the grief. My biggest grief was for the life that I had had, like gone. So I had to grieve what we had-
Johanna Almstead:
You thought was going to happen.
Jessica Saslow:
... and what we are building. I had to grieve, and this is called ambiguous grief where it's not somebody's dead and you feel really-
Johanna Almstead:
Sad.
Jessica Saslow:
... you have to grieve them. So I was grieving for the life that I had. I was grieving for the person that I had married who is still a wonderful person, but different than that person. And there are friendships that I grieved. I think I also grieved my former self, like who I was before. I think this made me harder.
Johanna Almstead:
Well, and that self who just at the beginning of this interview kept saying how easy everything was.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah, it was easy.
Johanna Almstead:
I didn't think too much about it.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah. It was easy, I didn't think too much about it. I miss my husband and he does too. We've had very honest conversations with this. I love the person that he is now, but I do miss who he was then. I miss how I had the ability to be carefree or what I thought were big problems. You should still think that you have problems. There's nothing worse than anybody who thinks everything is perfect. But the grief is in the missing what was lost-
Johanna Almstead:
From what could have been.
Jessica Saslow:
... from all of this.
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah. What are you most proud of about how all this has happened? What are you most proud of? You've done so much. What are you most proud of?
Jessica Saslow:
What am I most proud of? That we have remained a family unit, that we have two amazing kids that have certainly had their lives affected at a very early age. And I am proud that we have all used this experience to become more empathetic, I think, in some ways, more grateful for certain things. So I think I am most proud that we're still standing.
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah.
Jessica Saslow:
How's that?
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah. Okay. How do you nourish yourself to keep standing?
Jessica Saslow:
I have a wonderful, beautiful therapist. I love physical exercise. I love to do things that make me sweaty and exhausted and give me some sort of release. I think spending time with my friends, laughing, which I wish I could do more of. I work mostly with children now and I love my time with them so much. First of all, they're not my children, so.
Johanna Almstead:
You get to give them back after an hour.
Jessica Saslow:
Exactly. I get to give them back after an hour, but I think just appreciating the little ones for who they are because I don't think, even before this happened, I feel like as a mom, I spent a whole lot of time screaming at my kids and I think worrying over the wrong things when it's such a, I don't know. I like kids much more now than I did. So I think that they bring me joy, working brings me joy. I mentioned we have a great financial planner. We have always wanted to have a second home outside of New York City. I have the pretty flowers behind me, but when I say it is a cottage, a teeny-tiny little place to change your bathing suit, so this home brings me such joy and having somebody work with us to figure out how can we afford this, how can we do it, having a place to go that is outside of New York City has been amazing. And also we have a very big community here. So I think community brings me joy also, so being involved in communities.
Johanna Almstead:
And we talked about the fact that you felt like that community outside of New York was super important for both you and your husband as a place for you both to thrive outside of the grind of New York and that was a very strategic move on your part.
Jessica Saslow:
I mean, the beach is my favorite place in the entire world. We go to the beach now. I'm so happy when I'm here. Even when I'm in New York City and I can't get out here much, and my husband and I both say it's like we walk in the house and we're like, "Ah, yes." I'm very into signs and things feeling right or not feeling right. When we looked at this house, we had looked at a bunch of, and this just speaks to how even after all that we've been through, my husband and I are so very connected in many ways, we looked at a bunch of houses with the broker. This was right before the pandemic. It was March of 2020 and he showed us a bunch of houses and we walked into this house and the broker says to us, "Ugh, I don't like it. This, that, and the other." And he was not overly opinionated. He was like, "I don't like this house. I don't like it for you." And we looked at him and at the same time we were like, "This is our house."
Johanna Almstead:
I love that.
Jessica Saslow:
He was like, "Okay, then let's get it for you."
Johanna Almstead:
My realtor said that about my house too. She said, "I don't know why you want to buy this house." And I was like, "Don't worry about it. Not your problem."
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah, don't worry about it. It's like we just looked at each other. We were like, "No, this is our house." I was cleaning up photos at some point. I actually had a picture of this house because before it was bought by a contractor, who did some renovation, it was up for auction. It was foreclosed upon and it was being sold by the bank. I didn't have the cash to buy it, but it was like a picture that dated back years and years.-
Johanna Almstead:
No way. Of the same house?
Jessica Saslow:
This is the weirdest. Yeah, of the same house.
Johanna Almstead:
Whoa. That's creepy. I love it.
Jessica Saslow:
It's wild, right?
Johanna Almstead:
I love it.
Jessica Saslow:
So yeah, that was. What else brings me joy?When my husband was in the hospital, I think one of the first things I said to my kids was, "Dad had a stroke. He's in the hospital, but we can get a dog," and we did.
Johanna Almstead:
Nothing like a shiny new object.
Jessica Saslow:
Nothing like a... Well, they had given me PowerPoints and we need a dog and I was like, "Ugh, no." Anyway, we got a dog, who has since passed, who was the greatest thing that we did for the family. Everyone's favorite. I actually have a new puppy right now who I'm looking at, look out the window, which is good. She's looking out the window instead of eating the molding, which she also likes to do. But yeah, so I'm most proud of, I think, that we are still a family unit.
Johanna Almstead:
And you're still finding joy.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah.
Johanna Almstead:
What is something that you once believed about yourself that you no longer do?
Jessica Saslow:
Hmm, that's a hard one. Something I once believed about myself that I no longer do?I think what I once believed about myself is that everything would be super easy and just work out.
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah.
Jessica Saslow:
And I don't believe that that is true of, I would caution anybody who holds that.
Johanna Almstead:
Too tightly.
Jessica Saslow:
... holds that thought. Just a little warning, I think nobody gets through without getting their ass kicked.
Johanna Almstead:
I hate to say that because I don't want to be negative, but I always sort of say no one escapes it, right?
Jessica Saslow:
No, nobody escapes it-
Johanna Almstead:
It comes for you one way or another. And again, I'm one of the most positive people on the planet, but what age has taught me is it's coming for you one way or another.
Jessica Saslow:
But that's life. That's not like you're getting yours.
Johanna Almstead:
No, you're not.
Jessica Saslow:
That is life, like that's how it works.
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah. Okay. We're almost done and then we're going to do a lightning round of questions.
Jessica Saslow:
Okay. Okay, good.
Johanna Almstead:
But I want to think about this because you have achieved so many dreams and now you have your dream cottage and you have a new puppy and your kids are doing well and your husband's doing well. What are you dreaming of next for yourself? I know you weren't raised to dream like this. I know you didn't do it back in Philly, but what are you dreaming about now?
Jessica Saslow:
I guess making some money and working a little bit less, so working hard. And what am I dreaming of? I would love to replace, not replace it, but I think one of the things that has come out of this experience is to like you got to live your life in the moment. So dreams can be awesome, but they can also be someday. So I guess what I am dreaming of is trying to-
Johanna Almstead:
Live those now.
Jessica Saslow:
... Yeah. Just be as present as I possibly can and have the experiences that I want to have now while I can have them and while I can enjoy them before I need my knee replaced or. Yeah, I'm dreaming of implementing all of the things that I want to do immediately.
Johanna Almstead:
I love it.
Jessica Saslow:
Yes.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. That's a great segue into our lightning round of silly questions.
Jessica Saslow:
Okay.
Johanna Almstead:
This is just don't overthink this. This is just for fun.
Jessica Saslow:
Great.
Johanna Almstead:
I just think it tells lots about people.
Jessica Saslow:
Okay.
Johanna Almstead:
Favorite comfort food?
Jessica Saslow:
Trader Joe's oatmeal.
Johanna Almstead:
That's a new one.
Jessica Saslow:
It's perfect. It comes frozen in these little vacuum-sealed packets in two minutes and then you [inaudible 00:56:20]. Yeah. Trader Joe's oatmeal is the most comforting, perfect food I know. I always have like 10 of them in my freezer.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. Okay. Trader Joe's, do you want to sponsor this episode?
Jessica Saslow:
Trader Joe's oatmeal, yes, exactly.
Johanna Almstead:
What was your first paid job, the first time you ever exchanged labor for money?
Jessica Saslow:
I worked at a gift store called Sensations that sold crap.
Johanna Almstead:
Amazing.
Jessica Saslow:
Yes. And I wrapped packages and yes, that was my first paid job.
Johanna Almstead:
I sold crap. What is something you're really good at?
Jessica Saslow:
Making decisions.
Johanna Almstead:
What is something you're really bad at?
Jessica Saslow:
Holding my tongue.
Johanna Almstead:
And you're a speech pathologist, so this is a good question, what is your favorite word? Today, it just can be today. It doesn't have to be forever.
Jessica Saslow:
My favorite word today, doable.
Johanna Almstead:
Doable. Ooh, I like it.
Jessica Saslow:
More of like a response. That's doable. That's a great thing to say. That is an awesome response. Yeah, doable, I would say.
Johanna Almstead:
Doable. I'm going to layer that into my lexicon.
Jessica Saslow:
Inline with the receiving end of doable. That's doable.
Johanna Almstead:
I love that. It's funny. I remember reading a parenting thing where it was like, when you can say yes to something, say it enthusiastically. That makes me think of that like that's doable. "You want to go get ice cream?" "Doable."
Jessica Saslow:
There you go, doable.
Johanna Almstead:
I'm going to do that.
Jessica Saslow:
It's doable.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. Least favorite food, like not crossing your lips.
Jessica Saslow:
Cantaloupe.
Johanna Almstead:
Oh, interesting.
Jessica Saslow:
Smell, consistency, all of it.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. Least favorite word?
Jessica Saslow:
I think it would be a phrase and that would be at least. That goes back to the other stuff that we had talked about, like at least he didn't die, at least... I've actually stolen this from a friend, but I'm going to say least favorite phrase because there's nothing good that is coming after at least.
Johanna Almstead:
At least he didn't poison you in your sleep.
Jessica Saslow:
Exactly. Yeah. At least. I don't like that.
Johanna Almstead:
I like that. Do you have any hobbies?
Jessica Saslow:
I love yoga. I love to play tennis. I would say being with my dog. I am a really good housekeeper in a way that brings me joy. I love fixing things around my house, watching YouTube videos.
Johanna Almstead:
Oh my God, do you want to move in with me?
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah, maybe. Every now and then, I'm like, "Okay, I'll call on the expert." I'm like, "I tried. I can't do this one." I'm not a good decorator, I'm not a good cook, but I love the housekeeping aspect.
Johanna Almstead:
You're like a handy-woman.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah. No, it's just organization and keeping things orderly.
Johanna Almstead:
Ala type A. I like it.
Jessica Saslow:
Yes.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. Best piece of advice you have ever received?
Jessica Saslow:
It's okay to not always be doing something, you can be still. Twofold. It's okay to not always be doing something, which is never the message that we get from our parents and society, and that creates a whole bunch of problems. And the other one is, courtesy of my therapist, you don't have to accept that assignment.
Johanna Almstead:
Ooh. Ooh.
Jessica Saslow:
Maybe that's the best piece of advice that I ever received, you do not have to accept that assignment. When somebody asks you to do something really shitty, you don't have to say yes. That's different than saying no. You don't have to accept that assignment.
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah, it's not your assignment. I started a new one that's sort of ala that is, I'm unwilling to experience that.
Jessica Saslow:
I love it. That's phrased so beautifully.
Johanna Almstead:
Just not something I'm willing to experience at this time, but thank you for the offer.
Jessica Saslow:
Thank you for thinking of me. Right.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. I also just wrote down, you can be still because whoa, you just said that and that's like, I need that as a bumper sticker.
Jessica Saslow:
You can be still.
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah. Okay. This is going to be a good one. If your personality were a flavor, what would it be?
Jessica Saslow:
Very tart Granny Smith green apples-
Johanna Almstead:
With a little crunch.
Jessica Saslow:
... with all the white dots. A little crunchy, a little sour.
Johanna Almstead:
Little juicy, like it.
Jessica Saslow:
But also firm.
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah, no mushy. No mush inside.
Jessica Saslow:
Hence, my hatred of cantaloupe. That one was so easy. Least favorite food, cantaloupe, always. Always forever.
Johanna Almstead:
Not a hesitation.
Jessica Saslow:
No.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. Last supper. You're leaving this planet and this body, but it's not sad, it's celebratory. You've done all the things. You've graduated to the next realm, whatever that is for you, what are you eating tonight?
Jessica Saslow:
Pepperoni pizza.
Johanna Almstead:
Are you drinking anything with your pepperoni pizza?
Jessica Saslow:
I would say maybe a glass of Pinot Noir because I feel like that goes really well with pizza.
Johanna Almstead:
Nice.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah.
Johanna Almstead:
Is there a specific pizzeria you're getting your pizza from?
Jessica Saslow:
No. Maybe like the cheaper, the better. I love a good cheap slice. I'll go take a pepperoni slice from Joe's.
Johanna Almstead:
I mean, a pepperoni slice from Joe's is heaven on earth. It's the best fucking thing ever.
Jessica Saslow:
It wouldn't be my first one.
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah, I know, me too. Been there. Okay. This is a good one because you did say that holding your tongue is hard. Have you had a moment in your life where you've had to eat your words?
Jessica Saslow:
Too many to mention.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah, too many to mention. And then, it has really, I worked very hard on, and I don't know if it's just me, I certainly know many people like this. I think my first instinct is to be negative and to say something negative. And when I don't say the thing, I am so excited. Very often nothing good comes from saying the thing, especially if it's a negative thing, so I think pausing. And then, there was something that I was taught when my children were toddlers is it's okay to say, "Let me think about that." So I would say the more I use let me think about that or the more I pause, the less I have to eat my words. The times when I feel most regretful of things that I have said were things that were probably unkind about other people that I don't even really care about.
Johanna Almstead:
Right. It doesn't do you any good.
Jessica Saslow:
It doesn't do me any good. I would say anytime I've had to eat my words when I have commented on someone that I have no business commenting on, and I think what I said was probably not kind. Yeah, not nice.
Johanna Almstead:
I feel you. Okay. If you could eat only one food for the rest of your life all day, every day, you don't have to worry about it sustaining you nutritionally, it's just magically going to.
Jessica Saslow:
French fries. French fries. Yes.
Johanna Almstead:
Do you like condiments with your french fries?
Jessica Saslow:
Ketchup and ideally mayonnaise, but mayonnaise only on good french fries, like from a real French place.
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah. Okay. You may have answered this already, but where is your happy place?
Jessica Saslow:
At the beach.
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah. What did you have for dinner last night?
Jessica Saslow:
For dinner last night, I had a sandwich on the beach. There was a party and there was a table of these great sandwiches. They were like little sandwiches cut into quarters and I showed up late to the party because I had a late client, but there was still plenty of food and that was what I ate, sandwich and chased it down with some cookies and then came home.
Johanna Almstead:
Sandwich and cookies on the beach?
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah. Nothing better.
Johanna Almstead:
That's the best.
Jessica Saslow:
That's what I had last night.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. That sounds dreamy. What do you wear when you feel like you need to take on the world?
Jessica Saslow:
Black.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. You are a New Yorker after all.
Jessica Saslow:
Yes, I am a New Yorker. I think if I needed to take on the world, I would say blouse, not a button down, and a beautiful pair of black trousers with shoes that I can walk in, so some kind of flat loafer, just because I spend so much time on my feet, like miles a day.
Johanna Almstead:
Yeah.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah.
Johanna Almstead:
Most memorable meal you've ever had?
Jessica Saslow:
I'm going to forget the name. There is an organic, what's it called when they serve food by the... There's this organic restaurant in the East Village, oh, Dirty Candy, is that what it's called?
Johanna Almstead:
Dirt Candy.
Jessica Saslow:
Dirt Candy, I would say it was there, Dirt candy. So it's all organic food presented beautifully, healthy, filling.
Johanna Almstead:
Isn't it vegan? It's like vegan, isn't it?
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah, it's vegan, but you would never know.
Johanna Almstead:
But delicious.
Jessica Saslow:
I would say that was probably one of my favorite meals.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. I feel like this is going to be a good one for you. Go-to coping mechanism on a bad day. Shit is going sideways, all systems are haywire, what do you do?
Jessica Saslow:
Ideally smoke a cigarette. I don't know what go-to coping mechanism.
Johanna Almstead:
I love that. You would not be the first on this podcast to have said that.
Jessica Saslow:
That's fine. That's fine. I would say that I don't know if I do that so much anymore, but that's probably my favorite coping mechanism.
Johanna Almstead:
I mean, I get it.
Jessica Saslow:
There's a whole theory that says that smoking just gives you an allowance to breathe.
Johanna Almstead:
To breathe. It forces you to take deep breaths.
Jessica Saslow:
So I don't smoke anymore, but that's a great coping mechanism, yes.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. Dream dinner party guest list.
Jessica Saslow:
Wait, I just want to go back, that or compartmentalization, which I think gets a bad rap, just like I'm not going to deal with this right now.
Johanna Almstead:
Right. Just put it on the back burner for a sec.
Jessica Saslow:
By the way, it's okay, it's all right to do that. So compartmentalization, if my mom is listening. Dream too, right?
Johanna Almstead:
That's a healthy one that I do.
Jessica Saslow:
Right.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. So dream dinner party guest list, dead or alive, famous, not famous, whoever?They're all going to say yes. You don't have to worry about them not knowing who you are and not taking your invitation because that stresses some people out. So who are you having at your dream dinner party?
Jessica Saslow:
Chris Martin, who I believe in some world I was meant to be with.
Johanna Almstead:
Wait, are we asking him to play music at this dinner party or we just want to hang out with him?
Jessica Saslow:
No, I just want to hang out with him.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay.
Jessica Saslow:
He could play music also. I would say my grandmother, my dad's mother, I would love to have. I'm trying to think of who are my, oh, my college friends.
Johanna Almstead:
Oh, fun.
Jessica Saslow:
So I think some of my favorite friends from college, some of my favorite friends now. And by the way, I have a very strong group from college. So not just them, but I would say my college friends that have gone the distance, my best friends since I'm too. I have this awesome cousin that I hadn't seen in so long and reconnected, I would love to have her there, my sister. I think a combination of friends and family and anybody who makes me laugh.
Johanna Almstead:
I love this party. This is fun.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah. More laughter, I think that's it. More laughter in my life.
Johanna Almstead:
Amen to that, sister.
Jessica Saslow:
I don't know, you know when you laugh really hard and you're like, "I haven't laughed like that in a long time, I wish I could laugh more."
Johanna Almstead:
Speaking of Chris Martin, going back to that for a second, do you ever watch Tiny Desk?
Jessica Saslow:
Yes.
Johanna Almstead:
Have you watched his?
Jessica Saslow:
I have watched his, yes.
Johanna Almstead:
Okay. Just wanted to make sure because I feel like if you need some joy in your life-
Jessica Saslow:
I will certainly revisit it.
Johanna Almstead:
... pull that up on YouTube. It is the most delightful and just so happy, and especially if you like him. Anyway, for those of you listening, if you need a little boost today, go watch that.
Okay. Lastly, this is my very last question for you.
Jessica Saslow:
Okay, okay.
Johanna Almstead:
What is one thing you know for sure right now in this moment? You don't need to know it tomorrow. You didn't need to know it yesterday. What do you know what's true for you today?
Jessica Saslow:
That everyone in my nuclear family is good today. Everybody's good. Everyone's good. I heard from everyone, we're all okay. That everybody is good today. When you ask a parent of a child who is going through something and those people are numerous and you say, "How is so-and-so?" They say, "Today, she is good." So something I know that is true today, everyone's good today.
Johanna Almstead:
Everyone's good today.
Jessica Saslow:
Yeah, exactly.
Johanna Almstead:
We'll take it.
Jessica Saslow:
It's noon-ish. Everybody's good today.
Johanna Almstead:
I like it. Let's go with that.
Jessica Saslow:
Yes.
Johanna Almstead:
Well, thank you so much for spending all the time with me.
Jessica Saslow:
Oh, Johanna, thank you. This was such a pleasure and so fun.
Johanna Almstead:
Oh, I'm so glad. And I know your story is going to be so important for people, so thank you so much for taking the time to share it. I know it's not always an easy one to tell, but thank you. I really think it's such an important one for us.
Jessica Saslow:
Well, thank you for giving me the space.
Johanna Almstead:
Wow, her story really, I think about her almost every day. Now, that story is really remarkable and it really does make you think about how your life can change on a dime in the middle of the night.
I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for joining us. We're so glad you're back. We're so glad to be back. If you're not doing so already, please follow us on social media. We're on Instagram and TikTok at eatmywordsthepodcast. And as always, we're grateful for you for missing us while we were gone, we're grateful for you tuning back in, and we can't wait to share what's ahead with you. So catch you on the next one. Have a good day.
This Eat My Words podcast was created, produced and directed by me, Johanna Almstead. Our sound editor is Isabel Robertson, and our social media manager is Isabella Boutros.