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Art of Spousing is for marriages that what to move from being mundane to becoming masterpiece relationships. Hosts James and Lisa Duvall share truths and lessons learned from their 30 years of marriage and over a decade of teaching, coaching, and speaking on marriage.
James: Hey friends, welcome to the podcast. Can you believe we're standing on the edge of a brand new year? 2025 is right around the corner and we're so excited to spend today helping you dream and plan for the best year of marriage yet. Now, if you've been listening for a while, you know that 2024 was a big year for us, but also a challenging one.
Lisa's mom, who has dementia, moved in with us about nine months ago, which brought both beautiful and really hard moments, right? And on top of that, I transitioned out of 30 years of invocational church work to launch a new company. So it's
Lisa: 2024
James: been a whirlwind,
Lisa: has.
James: but through it all, we've learned so much about leaning into each other.
Staying connected and also trusting God to guide us through the unknown. And that's what we want to talk about today. How to use the lessons of the past year to create something even better for the year ahead.
Lisa: I love that. And it's so true. There's so many lessons that we know that we learned from this last year, but there's probably some lessons that we learned from this last year that will be even uncovered as we move forward, but we're moving forward in strength.
So this episode isn't just about setting resolutions or making to do lists. It's about getting intentional about who you want to become as a couple in 2025. I love that idea. Here's what you can expect today. We'll reflect on the past year, dream about the future, and set some goals, some realistic goals, And talk about letting go of anything that's holding you back. By the end of this conversation, of course, we hope, and we know that you're going to have practical tools to start the new year with clarity and purpose.
James: Hello, and welcome to the artist spousing podcast. We're James and Lisa, and we're excited. You're here with us.
Lisa: If you're just tuning in, our goal is simple to help turn your marriage into the masterpiece it was meant to be. We know that strong marriages don't just happen by accident. They take work, intentionality, and a whole lot of grace.
James: So each week we bring encouragement practical tools and a little bit of fun to help your relationship grow and thrive Let's dive into today's conversation
I want to make sure, you know, about the weekly practice every Monday, we send out an email with a short thought and a practice that you and your spouse can implement during the week we also give updates on new podcast episodes and upcoming events and promotions, you can sign up for the weekly practice by texting the letters AOS to the number six, six, eight, six, six, again, Text the letters AOS to 66866.
You'll be prompted for your email address. And next Monday you'll receive your first installment of the weekly practice.
Lisa: Before we start looking ahead to 2025, let's take a moment to reflect on 2024. It's so easy to rush into new goals without pausing to think about what you've learned, but reflection is where growth begins for us. One of the biggest lessons, we learned this year was letting go of control.
We had ideas of what we were gonna do, and it all got derailed, right? When life gets overwhelming, and trust me, there were plenty of overwhelming moments. This year, it's. Easy to tighten your grip and try to fix everything yourself. But when you step back trusting God, he was at work. Even when we couldn't see the full picture, things started shifting.
But our natural response is definitely, I don't know about you, James, but mine is definitely to control it or be frustrated. I can. Yeah. Those moments of surrender didn't just deepen our faith, but they brought us closer together to each other. Like letting go taught us to lean into each other in ways we hadn't before and strengthen our relationship.
we want to encourage you to, to reflect on your year, maybe ask yourself these questions. What was one thing we did well as a couple in 2024? Where did we face challenges and how did we grow through them? And the last question to ask is how did we see God's hand in our lives this year?
So a few minutes to think about those questions that Lisa just asked. Maybe you realized you did a great job prioritizing time for each other, even in the middle of really crazy seasons. Or maybe you struggled with communication, but you learned some new ways to connect that helped you get through those tough conversations.
James: And don't forget to think about the moments when you felt God at work. Maybe there was a time when an unexpected opportunity or a gift showed up just when you needed it. Or maybe you experienced peace in the middle of a decision that could have been, stressful.
Lisa: Right. So take 10 minutes to write these things down.
Reflecting together is such a simple step, but it can help you start the year with clarity and gratitude. And James, even as you were just rattling through some of those things for us to think about, I could think of examples this past year. And when we begin that way, it's very encouraging.
James: That's right. You know, even if 2024 was full of struggles, you made it here and that's we're celebrating, right?
Reflection isn't about perfection. It's about honoring the journey and learning from
Lisa: I love
James: Yeah. So let's shift gears and talk about the future. Great. When most people think about New Year's resolutions, they focus on to do goals, things like losing weight, saving money or exercising even more. Right? But here's what we've found.
The most meaningful growth in marriage doesn't come from just doing more. It comes from being intentional about who you want to be. So instead of asking, what do we want to do this year? Ask at the end of 2025, who do we want to be as a married couple? What kind of people do we want to become? What kind of marriage do we want to have?
Lisa: I think it's important to take time to reflect this.
Take a minute to do this. So, do you want to be a couple that's more connected where communication feels natural and you're truly in sync with each other? Or maybe you want to create more space for fun and adventure, reigniting the spark that you've lost in the busyness of life. It's important to consider those things.
Or maybe you want to be the couple that's more patient and supportive, building each other up instead of tearing each other down. I love this idea. So here's some questions to get you started. How do you want to show up for each other this year?
what kind of couple or example do you want to be for your family, friends and community? What values do you want to prioritize together? and what is the next step to move toward that reality?
James: You know, one way to stay focused on who you want to become is by picking a theme or word for your marriage in 2025. You know, a lot of people do this for themselves and we've done this for ourselves over the years. where we find one word that we kind of focus on for
Lisa: live into
James: you live into that word, right?
But what if you did this for the two of you as a couple? What if you were to sit down and kind of go, what's the word that we want to live into as a couple? the word should capture the heart of your vision, whether that's, you know, we want to be more unified, we want to have more adventure. We want there to be more peace in our marriage or something else that resonates with you Go ahead and write it down put it somewhere.
That's visible to both of you Maybe you want to save it as a screensaver on both your phones or put it on the side side refrigerator Do people still do
Lisa: Do people
James: I'm, not sure
Lisa: don't know. Magnets don't seem to work for, uh, in our house. I
James: don't know either. but just let it be a reminder of what you're working towards together
Lisa: know what, James? I'm sad to say, we've never done that. We've never had a couple word. We always have our individual
James: Where we're going to this year
Lisa: We're going to, and we're going to live into it. Mr. Duvall. That's it. Yeah. When you focus on what you want to be, it becomes easier to align your actions with your vision. That's where real transformation begins. So if I want to be a wife who's patient in the moments where stress comes, I'm going to think, and I'm going to have strategies.
patient. If I want to be a person who speaks life over you, I'm going to Look for ways to intentionally do that. And in the moments that I want to speak death over you, guess what? I'm going to have a, I'm going to have a plan. I'm going to have a plan to do something opposite of that. but we need to connect that vision to action, becoming a couple.
You want to be, doesn't just happen. Just like I mentioned, it takes intentional steps. Think of it like building a house the to be goal is the dream. You can see the finished picture in your mind, but the to do goals are the tools and materials that you need to lay the foundation, put the walls up, add the finishing touches.
Without action, the vision just stays that. Yeah. It's just a vision.
James: That's right. this is where a growth mindset comes in.
You know, the actions you take together, The investments that you make in your relationship are what help you stretch and grow into the couple that you're called to be. So whether it's communicating better, creating more time for connection, or even learning how to navigate conflict, growth requires intentionality.
You know, growth doesn't happen by accident. Nothing grows by accident. The only thing that grows by accident, weeds, right? It takes purposeful planned actions to create real change in our marriage. And that might mean, you know, stepping out of your routine, you know, trying something new or even making a bold investment in your relationship.
Lisa: I love that. Think about what small specific actions that will help you move closer to that vision. For example, if your goal is to be more connected, maybe you schedule regular date nights or commit to unplugging during meals.
If your vision is to be more adventurous, maybe you plan one fun getaway or try something new together every quarter. Or if you want to be more patient, here it is, practice pausing before responding in conflict or sharing one thing that you're grateful for. All of these goals without an action step, will just be a wish or a dream.
James: That's right. You know, sometimes growth requires stepping out of your routine or making a bold investment in your relationship by, you know, dedicating specific time or space or resource to focus on it together. that might look this year like attending a retreat together or going on to a marriage conference or planning a weekend getaway just to talk about your relationship.
But if you're ready to go deeper, you know, you need to invest some time, focus and resource into your marriage. And one of the ways that you might think about doing that is to consider doing a two day marriage reboot with us. You know, we've talked about the marriage reboot. It's designed to give you and your spouse the time, tools and coaching.
To realign your relationship and build a specific plan and vision for your future. It's a chance to step away from the busyness of life and work on your marriage with fresh intention. So if you want to find out more about the marriage reboot, we love to talk to you about it. You can schedule a call with us and hear more about it.
there's actually a link in the show notes that you can do that
Lisa: Yeah. James, you and I recently were working with couples in a reboot and they wanted to have a stronger physical connection. Not necessarily sexual connection, just the physical connection. They had drifted away from physical touch. the goal wasn't to be laying on the couch snuggling every night.
The next step was be intentional about holding hands, but that's going to build. So the key is to start small because progress happens. one step at a time and builds on top of each other. Yeah.
James: you know, as we think about stepping into 2025, it's important to recognize that sometimes moving forward means letting go of things that are in our past. there might be habits, mindsets, or frustrations that we've been carrying that are holding us back in our relationship. Philippians three verse 13 through 14 says that forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead.
I press on. Towards a goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Yeah, I
Lisa: I love that. Letting go isn't about forgetting or pretending the challenges aren't real or not still there.
It's about choosing not to let them control your future. Philippians reminds us it's about straining forward, pressing on toward the marriage you want to build together and the grace for each other and the hope for what is ahead. Ask yourself these questions. What one habit. is not serving your marriage.
Maybe it's zoning out on your phones at dinner instead of talking, so maybe that isn't serving you well. Mm-hmm . Put your phones in another room. It could be avoiding hard conversations because they feel uncomfortable. Right. Actually, maybe get a tagline that, or a, a starter conversation of like, Hey, these are something I wanna avoid, but I wanna be closer to you, so let's talk about it.
another question? Is, is there something you're holding onto that you need to release? It may be a frustration over something your spouse forgot to do, something that snowballed into resentment,
or maybe it's an unrealistic expectation. Who doesn't have those?
You've been holding on on how your spouse should behave or how they should respond.
The last question is, Are there distractions pulling you away from what matters most? It's a great question. Being too focused on work or hobbies that leave little time for connection. Maybe it's an overloading of your calendar with commitments, leaving no margin for quality time.
Those are three great questions to ask. What one habit is not serving your marriage? Is there something you're holding onto that you need to release? And are there distractions pulling you away from what matters most? Take time to write those down and, be ready to release and pray over them together.
You know, James, there's this, idea. I as believers, we understand that this is that there is fruit in our lives, the fruit of the spirit in our lives. And so when we have good roots and we're connected to the vine, we actually produce good fruit.
James: we're
Lisa: Well, Unintentionally sometimes and or intentionally, there's actually bitter roots in our life that produce bitter fruit.
And so the truth is that, holding on to resentment or holding on to expectations that aren't stated or unrealistic, or you're not willing to come to the middle and collaborate on or holding on to a habit. that isn't serving your marriage well, all of those are bitter roots that will produce bitter fruit.
And again, we're really used to that, and that concept of strong roots and you have good fruit, but the opposite is true. And so literally there's an easy step to actually pray through together of recognize what the bitter fruit is. Maybe it's a tone that's irritated and judgment. Yeah. Yeah. So, recognize it.
Repent, James. I'm so sorry. I every time you take the trash out, I have judgment, you know, whatever. But I'm actually repenting of that thing. Then I'm releasing it. I'm going, I'm praying. This is a prayer. God help me release that. I'm giving that to you. I'm going to believe the best in James.
And then it is reckon it dead. We reckon it dead is that we're actually cutting that root off that bitter root. We're going no longer. Is that lie or that expectation going to rain and rule over us? And then in the spirit realm, we've actually cut it and we're going, we're going to live into the spirit realm.
Stronger fruit of that. And then after you reckon it dead, it's kind of like when people are baptized, they go into the water, and then they're brought back up to life. It's resurrected. And there's new life, new communication, a new spirit of freedom in your relationship. So those, five things have just, they're ours as your fingers recognize, repent, release, reckon it dead, and resurrect a new life and just praying that together and owning it.
You will be surprised what God will do in your life and how it will start shaping your behavior moving forward.
James: Yeah, it's interesting how many couples that we meet with and talk with that have allowed offenses and unforgiveness to, create these bitter, uh, fruit in their life
Lisa: And leave it like a lie, like our, our marriage is always going to be this way.
You're always a bonehead and I'm always over emotional. That's just the way we are. That's a lie.
James: right, and so really moving into 2025 if you want something different you have to do something different and I think dealing with those Those bitter fruits those those roots that we've allowed bad habits bad ways of viewing each other and judging each other You No, it doesn't serve us, right?
So we got to remove those sayings and move on from those sayings. I love that. It is
Lisa: that's, I love that it is true. And so once you pray through that, that doesn't mean that you still don't have work to do. You still have work to do, but that that's really a first spiritual step and, moving towards strength.
James: Yeah. And when you let go while it's holding you back, then you create space for something new and beautiful to grow in your marriage.
Right? You know, even the best goals will fall apart without connection and accountability. So life gets busy, distractions creep in, and suddenly those big dreams that you've created for 2025 feel out of reach.
Lisa: That's why regular check ins are so important. Here are just a few simple ways that you can start doing that or ideas to get you started brainstorming. Schedule quarterly marriage check ins. Block out every three months to sit down together, talk about how you're doing, what's going, what's going well.
Are you still aligned with your vision? What's working, what's not working, but go on and put it on your calendar so that it's there. And, You get to that and this hasn't gone by and that you didn't have that check in. So the second is create weekly connection moments. This doesn't have to be complicated.
It could be simple 15 minutes every Sunday evening or Saturday morning, whatever works for you. Sharing the highs and lows from the week. You know what really went great this week James is when you supported me and had dinner Ready last night. Thank you actually for doing that and then What didn't work is some of our communication in around what's going on with my mom.
Can we tweak that? So it's like it's a touch point to actually know that we're it's not gonna carry on a bad habit Isn't gonna carry on but we're also not gonna carry on offense or any of that
James: And I think weekly's a great goal, but I mean, if you could do it daily, it's even better,
Lisa: Yeah, you keep a clean slate.
I love that. Um, we actually do that because then our week touch points are usually just really logistics Yeah, celebrate small wins every step forward matters Come on now every step forward matters and it should be celebrated. Did you finally have that tough conversation you've been putting off?
Celebrate that. Did you stick to your date night commitment for the month? Great. Acknowledge that and actually, um, celebrate those things. 'cause they give momentum of moving forward and strength.
James: that reminded me of one of the things we teach about the gap and the gain. Sometimes we don't take time to actually look back and celebrate how far we've come. So whatever goal it is, whatever you're trying to be, whoever you're trying to become in Sometimes it can be
discouraging because the gap keeps moving.
You know as you get better the idea of where you want to be
Lisa: moves out in front of
James: out in front of you So we have to celebrate the small wins and look behind us kind of go look How far we've come we're not the same couple we were when we started and so 2025 when you look back at the end of the year, you're going to see yourself as a totally different couple
Lisa: That's so true, you know what 30 some years married I always get confused if we're married 32 years or 33 Okay, 32 years married. We still have communication challenges. So if we got really frustrated we're married this long Why do we still have this communication challenge?
Well, if we look back five years ago ten years ago We are so far advanced 30 years ago. We're experts. We're SMEs, subject matter.
James: years ago.
Lisa: I know. So, but nonetheless, it's finding that time. So, if your mornings are quiet at home, spend 10 minutes over coffee, connecting before the day starts. If the evenings are your time, take a walk around the neighborhood after dinner.
Actually, you could act, you know, reduce your calorie intake there, get your food and digest it. Yeah.
James: talk at the same
Lisa: That's right. But set a reoccurring date in your calendar. Whether it's a night out or something simple like watching your favorite movie together, show together, make sure you get a blanket, hold hands, and be cozy, and give priority to yourselves.
And don't forget to celebrate the small wins along the way. Progress is progress, and every step forward is a step
James: It really does matter. And here's the thing about accountability. It's not about nagging each other to stick to your goals.
It's about gently reminding each other of the vision that you've set for your marriage and supporting each other in the process. So those daily check ins, those weekly check ins are actually you holding yourselves accountable to the vision that you have for 2025. And you're not just holding each other accountable.
You're actually cheering each other on, celebrating those wins, like you said, Lisa, you know, celebrating the growth in each other. And the truth is staying connected doesn't have to be complicated. It's the small, consistent investments over time. I think we said that a few
Lisa: Yeah,
James: It's not these major massive leaps.
It's small, consistent investments over time that create the deepest levels of intimacy in our relationship. And when you're intentional about checking in you're building a habit of connection that will serve you and your marriage long beyond 2025.
Lisa: love it.
I love it. So the best year of your marriage isn't just going to happen. is by design, not by default. So it's not accidentally going to happen. It's about being intentional, taking small steps and staying connected. Take some time this week to reflect on 2024. Dream about what you want to be in 2025 and choose one or two actions that you
James: start this month.
Lisa: There are small, achievable things that you can do to make a difference.
James: That's right, and we're actually going to spend some time this week, you and I have actually doing this. We're going to, we have about four hours. Yeah, we have about four hour chunk of time set aside the
Lisa: to Look
James: I know.
Lisa: know. I didn't even know. You probably
James: it's on the calendar, but you
Lisa: calendar. Okay. I'll be there.
James: that's good as least as long as you show up.
That's
Lisa: That's right.
James: And here's the deal. If you're ready to invest in your marriage in a deeper way, we love for you to consider joining us for a two day marriage reboot. 2025 is a chance to step away from your business of life, refocusing your relationship and walk away with a fresh vision and practical tools to move forward.
And we're going to guide you through the process. And it's one of the most impactful things that you can do for your marriage in 2025.
Lisa: James, we're so blessed to be with people. We feel like we can really see light bulbs come on in people's lives in those reboots. It's so fun. I love it. So whether you're ready for a reboot or you're just wanting to start with small changes, remember this.
Every step you take forward, becoming the couple you want to be, is a step worth celebrating. Growth takes time, and the most important thing you can do is to keep showing up for each other. Just like I'm going to show up for our, uh, Just make
James: sure you put it on your wife's
Lisa: put it on your wife's calendar. Yeah. We'd love to hear your word for the
James: Yeah, we'd love to hear your word for the year as you, if you come up with
Lisa: with one.
We'll share ours
James: share ours too. Even if you have some marriage goals that you want to share with us for 2025, share them with us on Instagram at artistspousing, or you can email them to us at hello at artistspousing.
com. We'd love to stay connected on that.
Lisa: We'd love for you to do that. We can't wait to see how you're investing in your marriage this year. As a reminder, text the letters AOS to 66866 to receive your weekly practice email. We look forward to being together on the next episode. Until then. Bye bye.