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A podcast for women doing a lot and craving more soul alignment — motherhood, business, healing, relationships, growth — trying to do it without running themselves into the ground.
We talk about:
* intuition & energy
* nervous system regulation
* trauma healing
* self-compassion
* emotional processing
* entrepreneurship
* motherhood
* creating routines that actually support you
* staying connected to yourself while juggling real life
This is about learning how to feel energized, grounded, cared for, emotionally honest, and fully alive.
Your soul called - are you ready to answer?
Welcome to Your Soul Called. A podcast for those feeling like there's something more. More alignment, more purpose, more peace, more connection, more joy. I'm Nicole your host. Each week we explore the invisible things that shape our lives.
Nicole:Our intuition, our energy, our emotions and the lessons we came here to learn. Through personal stories, meaningful conversations and practical tools my hope is that every episode helps you trust yourself a little bit more, love yourself a little deeper and remember something your soul has always known. So without further ado let's dive in! Hi guys welcome back this is episode 13 the stories we tell ourselves. I don't know if you've ever thought about the stories that you're telling yourself about your life but that's what we're going to talk about in today's episode and we're going to dig into how they could be serving you or how they could be messing you up and making your life miserable.
Nicole:The reason I was thinking about this was this is something I've been doing a lot for myself lately but I caught myself doing this this morning so this morning I was making breakfast for my kids as usual and I was making lunch at the same time because two of my kids now need to have home lunch every day. I'm toasting bagels and I'm also making sandwiches turkey and cheese sandwiches with bacon because I wanted it to be extra fancy and good. I'm slicing up lettuce all pretty because I feel like that's better. I'm putting all this effort into it right and it's timely because I need everything to happen at a certain time the bagels need to come out toasty and the cream cheese needs to go on and I need to get it while it's hot. And there's all these rules that I created for myself that it needs to come out in this certain way and it needs to be presented in this way and everything needs to be perfect.
Nicole:Right? And I like my life this way. I like to make things a little extra special. And then as I'm doing all of this I mean all of course it's also extra work and extra stress and I made things a little bit chaotic because I'm trying to do too many things at once. Then my husband comes down you know after washing his face and doing the things he does in the morning and then he starts making eggs and a smoothie with 20 different ingredients.
Nicole:He's doing this in my space and our kitchen is not very big so I'm realizing that I'm getting annoyed because he's doing all these things for himself and I'm thinking like why is this bothering me so much Is it because he's not helping me? Is it because I need something from him? Is it because he's in my space? And I don't think it's that because most of the days I prefer to do all of this. Like, I wanna do it because I do it better.
Nicole:And my kids like it better when I do it, but then he comes downstairs and just makes himself a smoothie. And I'm like, Ugh, like, why is this bothering me? And I'm thinking about this and I'm realizing that it's it's not necessarily that he's taking care of himself. It's because I haven't taken care of myself because I haven't put myself first in the way that I'm seeing him put himself first and I'm getting jealous I'm getting irritated and it's because I need to feel more cared for I need to feel more prioritized because deep down on some level I don't feel like my needs are important. My needs come last is what the feeling is and then I started thinking about that statement like that's really just a thought that I decided my needs come last and that's a story that my mom tells herself something that I grew up with it's a story that a lot of women tell themselves.
Nicole:It's a story that society has given to us over and over again and it makes us as women feel like we need to do it all and it makes us feel at least it makes me feel a little bit bitter that it's our job to just remember all the invisible things the birthdays the presentation dates the vacations the PE days the Christmas cards the dog vet appointments, the permission slips, the birthday gifts. It's our job to take care of breakfast and lunch before we take care of ourself. But is that really true? And who put those, you know, who put all of that on me anyways? Like, why am I doing all of this?
Nicole:Are these really duties and rules that were put on me or did I choose them for myself? You know, I put these expectations on myself? Maybe I learned it from my mom and from my grandma and you learned it from your aunties and whoever you've been around, right? But there are also plenty of women who don't believe these things, who don't live that way, who decided that story wasn't for them. At any moment, we can decide that story is not for us too.
Nicole:And what if the shift isn't changing all the things we're doing? It isn't getting someone to help me more or to acknowledge me more, to pay attention to all the things I'm doing and prioritize me. It isn't getting more support. It's about giving this support to yourself. And if I'm feeling irritated and bothered with him making himself a smoothie and me having to do the lunch, then maybe I should have done something for myself first.
Nicole:Maybe I should have made myself a coffee first maybe I should have put on a cute outfit that made me feel like I wasn't sloppy first before I started doing the things and if I am gonna do the things like make breakfast and make lunch and do all those things why am I doing that? What's in it for me? That's what I've been paying attention to lately. It's like if I'm gonna choose to do all these things why am I doing it? Why am I putting in this effort?
Nicole:Is it because it's what I need to do? Because somebody has to do it? Or am I actually getting something out of it? For example, why do I spend fifteen minutes tidying the house every morning after the kids leave? Is it because I'm the mom and that's my job?
Nicole:Because I used to feel like, well, somebody's gotta do it. I guess it's me. Like, I guess it's all on me. That was a common thought that I had all the time. It's all on me.
Nicole:But when I reframe this story lately, the reason I've been thinking that I'm doing this because it's a choice I get to decide if I want to clean the house or leave it messy. Nobody else really cares except me. So what if it's because I love having a clean house? It makes me feel good. It makes my energy feel clear and clean and spacious and relaxed.
Nicole:A clean home makes me feel calm. I like feeling calm. It's the same exact action fifteen minutes cleaning the house, but I'm doing it for me. I'm not doing it for them. They don't give a fuck if the house is clean.
Nicole:Honestly, they don't. It's me. I like it that way. I do it for me. It's the same exact action just a different story behind it.
Nicole:When you start noticing the things you're doing for you and you feel like you're doing more things for you, you just feel better. Here's another example. Like talking to my mom. I feel like I need to talk to her every couple of days. Why do I do it when I'm tired and exhausted and I know that the conversation probably isn't going to be a joyful, loving, fun conversation.
Nicole:You know, it's not going to fill my bucket. I mean, might, but it's probably not. I used to feel like I was doing it because it was my duty. I was a bad daughter if I didn't call her, if I didn't check-in on her, if I didn't return her calls. Even if it's not the utmost ideal, I would do it because I felt like it was my duty.
Nicole:But now, I've sort of changed the story behind that and I've noticed that why do I call her? Because even when she's complaining, I love her. I do. I love her. Even when she's catastrophizing about the storm that's hit us and she's gonna have to come to my house and bring the dog and all this crazy stuff that's happening in her brain and she wants to catastrophize and complain about it there's a part of me that really loves connecting with her connecting with her crazy self because I like feeling connected to my family.
Nicole:Maybe on some basic level I'm choosing that connection because it serves me too. So again, it's like the same action calling my mom but it's a different story. Whenever I shift the story from I'm always last I don't matter everyone else is more important to me I get to choose what I prioritize. I get to ask myself what I need. I make decisions that support me.
Nicole:That's when everything starts to change because now I'm noticing where I was forcing myself to do things and I start paying attention to the decisions that I'm making and I notice that I have a choice. I start asking myself more often why are you doing this? What do you need? How do you feel? Do you actually want to do this?
Nicole:If the answer is yes, then great! I'll do it! But I'm doing it for me and I make sure I'm really clear on why. I'm not just forcing myself to move through the motions to do it because it's my duty. I'm figuring out why I'm doing it, how it prioritizes me, how it fulfills me, And I stop making it mean that I'm sacrificing myself.
Nicole:I start finding a part of it that serves me. Like taking the kids to practice. I have three kids, three boys, and they are big on sports. Each child is on two sports teams and that means that we have a lot of practices. So every single day I am driving kids from place to place to place to place to place basically from like two to 7PM I'm driving kids to practices and picking up dropping off from school to practice to practice to practice.
Nicole:Do I love driving? No. Do I love feeling like an unpaid Uber driver? Well, that's one way that it could be viewed, but that is not the story that I've decided to tell about this experience. To me, being the mom that gets to connect with my kids in the car is really important.
Nicole:Those are the times that I get to have some of the best conversations ever. This is the time that I actually get one on one time with my kids because I don't often get that. We're usually all together and when I get one on one time that's really special. Sometimes one of them will tell me something that's been on their mind that I would have never otherwise heard. I like to make drives super fun and I have this thing that I do where I ask the kids questions funny questions during car rides and I'll ask chat GPT ahead of time like give me 30 fun questions to ask my nine, 10, and 12 year old boys in a fifteen minute car ride.
Nicole:ChatGPT will give me all these questions that are super fun! Things like, If you could relive one really fun day that we've had, which one would it be? They'll tell me stuff that totally surprises me and melts my heart because it's stuff that I didn't even remember. Or it might be a question like, if our dog could talk, what's the first thing she'd complain about? They crack me up!
Nicole:They're like super cool, funny humans, little humans. I get to connect with them in this way that I otherwise wouldn't if I wasn't driving them around all the time. It's so fun and special that I get to see these little sweet sides of them that I otherwise wouldn't get to at home because everyone's busy doing their own thing. The story has changed from I'm a kid uber to I'm creating incredibly special moments with my kids moments they'll remember forever. Or here's another example making homemade meals most nights.
Nicole:This is something that I used to feel like was kind of a burden. Do I love the prep work? No. Do I love the Sam's Clubs runs that take three hours because you have to buy so much food because they eat so damn much? Do I love?
Nicole:No. Do I love thinking about meals in the morning and figuring out what I need to defrost? Not really. BUT I love having a cozy home. I love the smell of dinner after practice.
Nicole:I love the kids faces when they're like, Oh, enchiladas! When they come home. I love creating that cozy warm homey feeling that we all get to have together you know in the evening. So the story changes from everything's on me to I bring the cozy and warmth into our home. And this doesn't mean that I have to do everything, that I have to stick to it, that I have to make homemade meals every night.
Nicole:Like, that's not it. It doesn't mean I can't help ask for help or call my husband and be like, hey. I'm fucking tired. Go pick up a pizza. Like, I can definitely do that, and I do do that.
Nicole:But when I do decide to make home cooked meals, which is most nights, I'm doing it for me. I love creating a cozy warm home. And if I'm telling myself that story, I feel good about it. I don't feel like, oh, this is one more thing I have to do. It's all on me.
Nicole:I just cleaned the house. Now I have to cook the meals. You know? I don't have that victim mentality. I'm like, yeah.
Nicole:This is like this beautiful family that I created, and I love having this cozy space. And we're so lucky and blessed that we get to experience this together. So sometimes the choice isn't do I do this or do I not do this? Sometimes it's what does this mean to me? And one of the other places I've been experiencing this a lot lately is with money.
Nicole:So we're in this process of like building a new home from the ground up. And we're in this season of a lot of money going out and not balancing with the money coming in, and it's freaking me the f out. Like, I've never felt so much fear and panic and stress and worry and overwhelm. And for a solid few days, I was just in panic. Like, I was doing all the things that I teach you guys to do.
Nicole:I was processing my emotions. I was feeling the fear. I was taking care of it. I was supporting myself, all of that, but I was still feeling this underlying current of panic. And I couldn't explain it, I started really paying attention to, like, questioning what what is the story running in the background here?
Nicole:Like, why can't I move this emotion through my body? Eventually I realized that the story underneath it all was like money is leaving, the reserves are shrinking, the bank accounts are draining, danger, danger. I need to fix this. I need to fix it now. I'm responsible.
Nicole:What if I can't? Oh my god, we are hemorrhaging money. That was on repeat in my brain and it felt very true. When this is the story you're telling yourself, of course your nervous system is going to panic. Of course, every time you look at the numbers, think about the numbers, it even crosses your mind, your body goes into fight or flight.
Nicole:That's what was happening to me. Because my brain wasn't just seeing the money leaving, it was seeing danger. It was seeing something's wrong. It was seeing you're not safe and you need to fix it now. This story wasn't serving me and also it wasn't true.
Nicole:I needed to come up with a better one. I needed to feel supported. I needed to feel cared for. Needed to feel safe. I started thinking about this like what better story can I tell myself?
Nicole:Not where I pretend like everything's perfect because obviously that's the situation. There's more money going out than there is coming in. I don't need to pretend there's fake numbers or say we're so abundant, we're so abundant. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying like what is a better story that is true that supports me?
Nicole:So I came up with a story that felt better, that made me feel safe and it's like whatever the numbers show me I can respond. I'm neutralizing it you see taking the danger out. I also decided I don't have to figure it all out today I can figure it out week by week. I can figure it out month by month. I'm stepping into a new era, new life.
Nicole:It's big. This is a transition period for me and I am worthy of this new life that I am building. I know how to make money. I'm good at figuring things out. I figured out hard things before and I'm supported.
Nicole:I can handle what comes next. Now that feels very true to me. I'm not just spewing out, you know, words that you know, I'm abundant. I'm abundant. I'm abundant.
Nicole:I'm not doing that. I'm saying no matter what happens, I can handle it. No matter what happens, I'm gonna have my back. I'm good at figuring things out. I don't have to figure it all out today.
Nicole:I will figure it out as it happens, and I know I can do that. I know that I'm good at it because I've handled hard shit before. So in this story, I step into a place of power. I start to support myself, and it's totally believable and totally true. And the more I root to this new story, the more I get a handle, I get a grip on everything going on, and I don't make it mean danger.
Nicole:I don't make it mean that I'm not safe because what's the truth? When I ask, what is it true? Like, no. I'm not gonna die. I'm not gonna go into danger.
Nicole:I could always sell the house. You know, worst case scenario, I could handle it. But I'm going to step into this uncertain scary place from a place of power because it's me. It's me that's handling this, and I'm good at this shit. So remember that.
Nicole:You know? Of course the fear is gonna come up. It's gonna keep on coming up. But now instead of letting fear tell this story about how I'm doomed and I'm gonna crawl up in a ball and hide and, you know, I'm gonna feel it running through my veins. I'm gonna like not be able to handle it that's not the story that's true because it's me and I'm gonna have my own back so I remind myself that I'm safe I'm safe because it's me.
Nicole:Because I can handle big scary things because I've handled big crazy fucking things before. And then I will run through the proof. Well, there was this time. Remember when that boyfriend did this and you handled that like a fucking pro? Remember when that business partner did this to you and you handled that like you know?
Nicole:And I'll go through the proof of all the the reasons why I'm good at this. Why I'm not the kind of person that rolls over and gets trampled on. I handle shit. I'm good at this. I can figure this out.
Nicole:And then I get to a place because I have all this proof from before and it's all true. These are all real things that I have handled, that I have gotten through, and they're big things. I have overcome some big things, and I'm sure you have too. Go through them. What are all the things that you have smashed, that you have handled like a pro.
Nicole:You are not meant to shrink and go small. Always figure it out. You always handle it. You always crush it. This is just the next growth point.
Nicole:You're not one to roll over and give up. You always figure it out. Once I slowly step back into that strength, into that power, and remember who the fuck I am, I'll have this deep knowing that I don't need to know exactly how this is going to work out. But I know that I got this and I know that I can handle whatever comes. Maybe you're in a tough spot right now like I kind of am and maybe there's something happening in your life that feels overwhelming.
Nicole:Maybe you're feeling fear or panic or resentment or loneliness or like everything's on you and maybe the situation itself does actually need to change and it's not just like a story change shift It's not just changing the story. Sometimes we actually need to change the actual situation, but the story we're telling is always really important too. It's the resentment, it's the little things, the exhaustion, the fear that show up that make us pay attention like hey we can take a different perspective, can view this differently. The resentment will tell you that you need more support. Exhaustion will tell you that something needs to change.
Nicole:The fear will tell you, there's something to pay attention to here. Something needs extra care. Something needs extra love. Like start paying attention to what you need. Get curious.
Nicole:Ask yourself what is actually happening here? What is the story I'm telling myself about what's happening? Is that story true? Is that the only possible interpretation? Is there another way I could see this?
Nicole:What am I making this mean about me? What am I making this mean about my future? And what do I actually need right now? Ask yourself this all the time. What do you need right now?
Nicole:I like to put my hand on my heart and be like what do you need right now? What do you need right now? Take a deep breath and maybe it's reassurance, it's safety, maybe it's acknowledgement, maybe it's rest, maybe it's help, maybe you need to make a change, Maybe you need to let someone in and share how you're feeling. Or maybe you just need to tell yourself a new story. Because sometimes the situation doesn't actually need to change.
Nicole:The kids still need to get to practice, dinner still needs to be made, money still needs to go out, life is still happening. But you change. You change the way you meet the situation. The meaning you attach to it changes. And then suddenly what once felt like it's all on me.
Nicole:It's all on me. That was like on repeat for me for years. It's all on me. Poor me. It becomes I am here.
Nicole:I have choices and I get to decide what matters to me. Today if there's something in your life that's making you feel heavy that's bringing up fear, resentment, overwhelm, pause for a second and ask yourself what's the story I'm telling myself right now? Is it true? Not a story that ignores reality, a story that bypasses your feelings, but a story that gives you your power back. Create a story around the situation that gives you your power back and remember you get to decide if you want to do it or not and if you're going to do it you may as well step into your power around it and do whatever you're going to do for yourself.
Nicole:Do it because it fulfills you. Do it because you want to do it. The story you know that you're deciding to carry or that you have been carrying pay attention to what that is and if it's not serving you anymore let it go choose a new one choose one that is serving you that gives you your power back, that makes you feel supported. Do this daily in the little things and in the big things. The more you do this, the more you're realize that it's never been outside of your control.
Nicole:You don't need more people to acknowledge you, you don't need the situation to change, you don't need to achieve that thing that you feel like will complete your life. All you need is to feel supported loved and cared for and to choose the circumstances and experiences in your life because you want them, because they're for you, because this is your life, because you're living it, because you're special, because you deserve it, because this whole life experience is yours and you can live it however you want. Stop giving your power away to everyone and everything around you and take it back. Alright guys that's what I have for you today. I hope you found it helpful and I will see you again next week.
Nicole:Bye for now!