Journey to the Sunnyside | Mindful Drinking & Alcohol Health

Master life coach and recovery specialist Colleen Freeland returns to explain why drinking less often starts long before the first drink.
We talk about nervous system regulation, emotional goal setting, the biphasic effect of alcohol, and why arriving at the evening less depleted can change how much you want to drink in the first place.

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Creators and Guests

Host
Mike Hardenbrook
#1 best-selling author of "No Willpower Required," neuroscience enthusiast, and habit change expert.

What is Journey to the Sunnyside | Mindful Drinking & Alcohol Health?

Exploring the science of drinking less, from alcohol cravings and habit change to moderation, naltrexone, and building a healthier relationship with alcohol. Whether you're sober curious, cutting back, or thinking about quitting, this podcast meets you where you are.

Journey to the Sunnyside is a top 1% podcast reaching over 500,000 listeners every week. Through expert interviews, neuroscience research, and real stories, we cover what actually works — mindful drinking, behavior change, medication-assisted approaches, harm reduction, and more.

Hosted by Mike Hardenbrook, #1 best-selling author and neuroscience enthusiast. Brought to you by Sunnyside, the leading program for changing your relationship with alcohol. Start your free trial at sunnyside.co.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in our episodes do not necessarily represent those of Sunnyside. If you're concerned about your drinking, please consult a medical professional. This podcast is not medical advice.

Speaker 1:

Master life coach and recovery specialist Colleen Freeland returns today for another conversation about what really drives over drinking. We talk about nervous system regulation, emotional goal setting, the biphasic effect of alcohol, and why arriving at the evening less depleted can change how much you want to drink in the first place. Colleen, thanks for coming back today.

Speaker 2:

Good to be back, Mike.

Speaker 1:

Alright. Let's get into it because on your website, it says get happy, not sober. That's a big claim. Why don't you tell me about that? Why'd you put that on the website?

Speaker 2:

Okay. So get happy, not sober. That condenses my methodology, my physio my my philosophy all into four little words. Because here's the thing. Your brain will help you get whatever you think you want.

Speaker 2:

And so you gotta be real careful about what you want because that is what your dopamine gets tied to, the story you're telling yourself. I mean, this is this is neuroscience. Okay? So we're kind of talking get happy, not sober. But the bottom line is whatever you focus on, your brain then decision trees.

Speaker 2:

Yes or no, more or less. And so if you set the goal to be sober, first of all, why would anybody do that? Well, short of, like, medical issues or the disease model, the only people who decide they don't ever wanna drink again, usually do so from a place that alcohol has hurt me. I've hurt myself. I can't trust myself.

Speaker 2:

So the decision to get sober is fueled by something being wrong. And so sober is right. Sober is better. And the reality is you don't know how you're gonna feel sober. I did three years of sobriety.

Speaker 2:

And besides the the the obvious amazing improvements I made within a few weeks, you know, from not being shit faced drunk all the time, pretty soon, I was back to being my old self. And the longer I lived sober, we talked about it in the last episode, the more I started to feel like not drinking, air quotes, is not really a purpose in life. Like, that's not really an accomplishment. You're not doing anything. And so where my tagline comes in is if you set the goal on something that fills you with purpose and meaning, also, brain science here.

Speaker 2:

The brain can't imagine the absence of a behavior. Like, we all have an idea of what it means to be sober, but that's from movies and characters and what that looks like. I mean, we all know what it looks. You you order a club soda. But beyond that, the brain can't imagine that for yourself.

Speaker 2:

There's no feeling attached to the absence. An intrinsic motivation is fueled by the pursuit of something feeling good. So like I said, in the beginning, not drinking checked all the boxes. But within a month, two months, you know, my perfectionistic all or nothing you know, now I'm so productive. This is you know, my clients are high achieving, very productive women who often think they just wanna quit drinking so they can be more productive.

Speaker 2:

But, really, you think that they don't have an off switch when it comes to alcohol. The reality is alcohol is their off switch. It's the only way they know how to shut down their brain and give themself permission. They don't know how to give themselves permission to relax because from the time they were little people, relaxing meant you were falling behind or letting something slip. You know?

Speaker 2:

So, like, I know what it looks like to think you're relaxing because you have a glass or a bottle of wine in your hand. But the reality is my nervous system was just still go, go, go, go, go. My brain was three steps ahead of my body. I wasn't happy. And then, of course, I remove alcohol, get the dopamine hit of, checking that box, I'm not drinking anymore, and then fall right back into my old habits that had caused me to need alcohol in the first place.

Speaker 2:

Alcohol was my coping mechanism to cope with the fact that I was operating on a deficit. I never slowed down. I never made time for myself. I was the last person on my priority list if I even made the list, and then I wondered why I wanted to drink my face off at night.

Speaker 1:

Maybe that sentence is put there to make somebody pause and think because we all wanna jump into proactive mode, and they wanna everybody wants to jump into, okay. I I think I wanna change my drinking. Are you thinking about this in a way of, I wanna change the story around your drinking? Drinking.

Speaker 2:

Yes. I mean, that is one thing that has to change. But deeper than that, it's not about the alcohol, Mike. It's like you have to change the story of who you are. You have to decide how you wanna operate.

Speaker 2:

And I know for most of my women, they they they wanna address the drinking because it's officially limiting them. They have so much potential. But the reality is none of us are actually afraid we're gonna get to the end of our life, and we drank too much. We're afraid we're gonna get to the end of our life, and we didn't live up to our full potential. And what happens in midlife is that the longer you operate in survival mode and checking your emotions at the door and performing, you know, burning the candle at both ends, that's not sustainable.

Speaker 2:

You can do it for ten, maybe twenty years, but then you start to break down. And it's not your physical health that goes first. It's your mental health. There's much more negative fee negative thinking and, you know, just making excuses as to why you don't have time, and it's never your turn. And it's, like, always just one thing after another.

Speaker 2:

It's just life feels like a shit show, and then you're using alcohol to cope. And you you have to understand that the strategies that got you here aren't gonna get you there. And the mistake women make is thinking that if they remove the alcohol so they can be more productive, that that's gonna take them to the next level when really, no, it'll just get you to the loony tune in a little bit sooner because you're removing the one coping skill that actually gives you a little break in relief. And, yes, you're overdoing it, and that's not good. But it's not all bad or all good.

Speaker 2:

It like, I teach women to ask the question, instead of how is my drinking hurting me and listing all the reasons, you know, it's not good for my health. I'm gonna get cancer. I'm gonna get dementia, or it's hurting my relationships. No. No.

Speaker 2:

No. No. Is your drinking helping you? Because until you understand that there is a reason why you're doing what you're doing, then you can't learn anything about how to do that better.

Speaker 1:

I love your approach of peeling back a couple layers and looking at different levels and not just addressing it head on because much of our actions aren't directly equatable from service level. We just we think we do it for this reason or that reason, or if I fix this, it'll fix everything else. And I know when it comes to change for you, a lot of it has come comes down to state and not about discipline. And most people think that their drinking comes down to decisions. You know?

Speaker 1:

I didn't couldn't say no to the bar or, like, I decided to go this route home in front of that liquor store. But you teach us more about state, and it's more about your nervous system. Can you walk us through that?

Speaker 2:

Yes. And I want to just kinda caveat. It's not that my approach isn't about making decisions. It's about making upstream decisions. When you are deciding to not go into the liquor store, the fact that you're there and wanting to go to the liquor store because there's a gap between how you feel and how you wanna feel, then the battle's kind of already over.

Speaker 2:

You can use willpower to win the battle. That's fine. But you have not identified the problem. And so what where I talk about the state, you know, imagine if you made the decision when you get up in the morning to not check your phone for fifteen minutes and to intentionally cultivate an emotional intention for today. I choose my I choose my emotional outfit every day.

Speaker 2:

Some day it's peace. Some days it's abundance. Some days it's confidence. But I choose my word that it is like a bull's eye on the tree. That's my goal.

Speaker 2:

And remember, your brain will help you get whatever you think you want. So if I want peace, I'm not gonna walk into an argument with somebody who I'm gonna have the same argument we've always had. Like, that would be dumb. So what if you are setting the agenda for your days, choosing your emotional intention for the day? Then midmorning, you take a three minute break, and you go to the bathroom without your phone and enjoy going potty.

Speaker 2:

Then around lunchtime, you sign off from your laptop. You go, and then you enjoy a meal. Maybe you make some eye contact with another person. Maybe you laugh at a joke. You you return to a state of regulated.

Speaker 2:

So you're pulling out of the dopaminergic go go go cortisol dump adrenaline spike dopamine sensations, and you come back into center. Then maybe you do that again in the afternoon, and then you walk through the door, and you think, you know what? Maybe a drink sounds good tonight. I'm gonna go lay down on my bed and do a five minute full body reset. I'm gonna check-in fully.

Speaker 2:

What do I feel? What do I need? You may still get up from your bed in five minutes and be like, cool. I'm gonna go pour some wine and make some dinner. But the version of you who had a five minute break and a bathroom break and a lunch break and started her day with an intention is much more closer to that baseline regulation where your nervous system is not so far out of whack, the the version of you who pours a drink, way different than the hot mess who opens her eyes, hits the ground running, runs a twelve hour marathon, and arrives in the evening and and has no check-in and starts drinking.

Speaker 2:

Like, the the regulated version of you drinks differently. She may not even wanna drink. You lay down in the bed, and you're like, I think I'll just skip it. I just wanna go to bed. It would feel so good to just, you know, go do dinner and come back to bed.

Speaker 2:

Like, you're giving yourself an option. You're remembering that you have options. And when you're in survival mode, fight or flight, you don't remember that you have options because your brain is running a pattern, and it's called solve this problem and keep going until it's done, and it's never done. And that's why you drink like somebody who who who is never done. You're never done.

Speaker 1:

I can totally relate. So I like this idea of upstream, going upstream for your decisions. And I think you you gave us these examples, but if you were to just say that concept, is it about creating space in a pause, sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively going upstream to these decisions? What what is that premise behind?

Speaker 2:

The premise is being able to be in your body. You know, about half of the time, and maybe it's 40%, and maybe it's less for for really intense thinkers, I am a person that lives in my head, which means I don't check-in with my body. And here's what you need to understand about the difference between a need and a want. If I'm having a bad day and you're like and we've talked. You're like, Colleen, what do you need?

Speaker 2:

I'm like, I need a bag of money. I need more people doing more stuff for me. I need my house to sell. I need my puppy to be potty trained. I need, need, need.

Speaker 2:

No. No. No. No. Your body lives in the present moment, and so the litmus test, all of your needs can be met right now.

Speaker 2:

So it's actually pretty simple. You need more or less water. You need more or less quality food. You need rest. You need movement.

Speaker 2:

You need connection. You need sunlight. You need music. You need playfulness. All of your needs can be met now.

Speaker 2:

And so getting out of the brain that is living three steps ahead of you or three years behind you and coming into your body reconnects your circuits. Why do people over drink? Here's a story for you. I once drank an entire bottle of wine. I was just gonna have one glass before husband came home.

Speaker 2:

And pretty soon, I'd finished the whole bottle, and I didn't feel anything. And so what did I do being a drinker? Of course, I had a breathalyzer in my purse. I mean, don't judge. And I took a breathalyzer because I thought somebody's watered this down.

Speaker 2:

I don't I'm walking around in four inch pumps, you know, finishing housework and putting on dinner and listening to music and talking. I felt nothing. I blew into that breathalyzer. I was more than twice the legal limit. Because because that's what high achievers do.

Speaker 2:

We train ourselves to ignore every signal from our body. I can go ten hours without having to pee either. I can forget to eat, or I can eat and never stop eating. Like, both things are true. We when you live in your head, you have to turn off the signals from your body.

Speaker 2:

So this this question that you asked me, the more you practice this is a practice. This is a way of living. Coming back in and feeling your hands and feeling your toes and feeling the experience in your body and checking in and seeing your inbox. Wow. That guy pissed me off.

Speaker 2:

Wow. She made a funny face at me. Like, all of these things that are happening kind of subconscious level, and you're just blowing through a 100 miles an hour, the body keeps the score. It remembers, but you're not ever clearing it. I call it emotional hygiene.

Speaker 2:

You know? It's like just like you go to the bathroom every day, you and then you flush the toilet, you gotta kinda unpack and check-in. Do I wanna be upset about that, or do I wanna let it brew in the background? Do I wanna let it go? Like, we are emotional creatures, not high producing performance machines that are just q four and analytics and all of that.

Speaker 2:

Like, we have emotional needs, and our biggest emotional need is just to be seen and noticed. And so taking a practice on where you notice yourself for, like, two or three minutes a couple of times a day. You don't have to go on a ten day silent retreat. You just have to practice coming into your body because what we're all doing is we're kinda running from our own feelings. And we don't wanna address our feelings.

Speaker 2:

We don't know how to address our feelings because we're told that any feeling on the lower half of the bell curve, negativity, fear, shame, guilt, resentment, frustration, that makes us bad people, or it's inconvenient. And so we just stuff it down, and then we wonder why we feel like we're living in a pressure cooker. It's because all that energy are is being held in our bodies. You just gotta take the time to release it. And that's why, like, in my program, this is not something you can listen to this podcast, and you can understand what we're saying, but this is actual physical skill.

Speaker 2:

Just like I couldn't tell you how to fly a helicopter, and then you would go fly a helicopter. You gotta have a coach somebody telling you how to get out of a tailspin, how to handle the turbulence. Like, these are felt experiences. So if you want you're using alcohol to relax and calm down. It's because you don't know how to relax and calm down.

Speaker 2:

That's it. It's not deep. It's not there's nothing wrong with you. You've just trained yourself to ignore that you're not relaxed, and now you need alcohol to mute the signals of discomfort. That's it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. The methods aren't so complicated. Maybe the history and the way you've built it up in your head definitely could be complicated. And, you know, before I move on from something that you said there is that so much is held in the body. And in my own experience and more recently, I was feeling some more anxiousness at high pressure different high pressure circumstances in my life, and I sort of felt this, like, trembling in my my body.

Speaker 1:

You know? Like, it it was a stage fright, but, like, at an extreme level. Not not real extreme. But, anyhow, I did some inner work. I did some breath work.

Speaker 1:

I did some more healing, and those feelings were definitely emotions. And who knows how long they've been there, but they definitely processed through my body in in that similar kinda shaking feel as the energy. And it took about three sessions, but, you know, that has since released. But those emotions drive the behavior. The behavior then fuels more shame, which then fuels more into your body, more thoughts that aren't serving you, and then on and on and on that you know about.

Speaker 1:

Now I wanna talk about emotion here as it relates to actual habits and actions because you have some opinions around, like, emotions versus, let's say, drink counts. You know, let's say I'm gonna have two drinks and then you fail. What's your approach to that? Instead of, like, setting your your account that you might fail, what approach do you prefer?

Speaker 2:

Okay. So, basically, I want you to think of an iceberg. And tip of the iceberg, what you can see above the water, that's behaviors. That's observable behaviors, things you do or don't do. Beneath that is your thoughts, then lower below the iceberg is your feelings.

Speaker 2:

Below that is your beliefs, and at the foundation of the iceberg is your identity. You don't think, feel, believe, or do or not do anything that doesn't align with your identity. So the only identity that goes with, I'm only gonna have two drinks, the in terms of, like, that's an emotional decision. I mean, I only usually have two drinks. Like but I don't really think about that.

Speaker 2:

That's just, like, probably if I guess that's at the average. But only so so the identity is operating the program in your nervous system, how you see yourself. And so if you're the type of person that has to say, I'm gonna stop at two drinks, then you identify as somebody who's gotta watchers, who's gotta pay attention because you're not the type of person who can control yourself. You're the type of person that overdoes it. And that that thought doesn't feel good in your body.

Speaker 2:

And so working at the behavior level is is a surface temporary thing that doesn't really get to the the program that's running your identity, which is why I teach emotional goal setting. So let's say you are in the early phases, and you're I'm gonna address this drinking. I don't wanna drink so much, and I'd like to get happy, not sober. How would you set a goal that actually has a side effect of you drinking less? Well, okay.

Speaker 2:

So I'm going to the party. What is it that I wanna feel at that party? Why am I going to that party? First of all, you might find out that, oh, your mother-in-law's hosting it, and you're obligated to go, and that's why you would be drinking your face. Well, don't you step one, stop tolerating situations you don't actually have to tolerate, and then you need alcohol to cope with them.

Speaker 2:

So that's the first thing. But let's imagine you wanna go to the party. Then the behavior related to the emotion might be, I wanna feel more connected. I'm gonna set the goal to ask every person there three new questions. I wanna feel grounded and present.

Speaker 2:

I wanna feel interested in what other people are saying. Because if you're focusing on two drinks, then as the liquid falls in that second glass, your anxiety's rising because now you're running out. There's a scarcity mindset. Whereas if you're focused on things that if these things were true, then I wouldn't need or want or even be thinking about how much I'm drinking, that's that's the work that's the get happy, not sober part. You wanna set a goal that your brain can imagine and that there's something in it for you.

Speaker 2:

Telling yourself no is negative, and it's restrictive, and that doesn't feel good. You're not it's not about saying no to alcohol. It's about saying yes to yourself. What do you want more of at the party, not less of? So these are kind of the thought reframes, the different ways to think, different perspectives that go with the get happy, not sober, forward tagline.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. I can totally see that as far as shifting that that approach, especially I actually had a visual in my mind as, like, you're saying as the liquid's going down, almost like a battery going out, you know, at a party, and you're like, there goes my fun meter as it goes down and down and down. What about something that you I we've talked about before that I think some people have heard, some people may not have heard, and that's the biphasic effect. Is this something that you kinda combo with that to be in the moment and to realize and and really not be in that scarcity mindset?

Speaker 2:

Well, yes. And I'm gonna be honest. Knowing this doesn't detach the habits of emotion you feel about wanting more. But, man, it goes a long way to understand that alcohol is a biphasic drug, meaning small amounts and large amounts have opposite effects. Nobody who relaxes with a Xanax takes another Xanax every five minutes.

Speaker 2:

It's just culturally with alcohol. Alcohol's a liquid and different alcohol contents. You know? And, also, who taught you to drink? I learned to drink at a frat house by a hazing specialist.

Speaker 2:

So my brain was programmed to think more alcohol means more fun. When in reality, if you understand that alcohol, there's a biphasic line. This is scientific. Point zero five five blood alcohol level is where once you cross that line, you move from buzzed to intoxicated. And don't do don't do this with the breathalyzer.

Speaker 2:

Learn to feel the line, my friends. Like, your body will tell you, you know when you're buzzed, and you know when you're crossing the line. You do if you pay attention. It's there. But the bottom line is when you move into phase two, the negative side effects start to compound.

Speaker 2:

So your body because alcohol is a depressant, your brain has to release cortisol so you don't get so relaxed you forget to breathe. And that's why if you over drink, you wake up in the middle of the night. The buzz wears off from the alcohol, but your cortisol levels are still jacked. And now you wake up rethinking all of your life's decisions and worrying and all of this, and now you're not sleeping. But that's because of the cortisol, not the like, the alcohol has actually worn off some of your system, and now you're just you're you're you've got really high anxiety because of the cortisol because your brain is kinda counteracting the effects of the depressant because you can't get so relaxed, you forget to breathe.

Speaker 2:

And so if you understand and want to, you have the desire to enjoy alcohol, and then you need to learn to drink like a grown up and understanding that more than two drinks in an hour you you think of your buzz like a bucket. Once it's full, it's full. And we do mindful drinking experiments in my program where we have one drink. And even the heavy daily drinkers are shocked because we all have one drink, and then we all switch to a nonalcoholic beverage, and then we ride it out together. And they're like, oh my god.

Speaker 2:

I really can still feel it. Yeah. Once again, you just aren't in the habit of feeling it, which is why intentionally retraining your brain in the context of alcohol is actually important part of the process. Like, I think I'm one of the only coaches that gives you drinking homework, but it works.

Speaker 1:

Or you teach true moderation if that's the goal of somebody that comes to you. And I think that is such a a big part of it. And like you said, it it's a really good awareness to know about it both from counteracting the negative effects that can come later, but also sort of, like, my own internal dialogue as I understood it would be more like, this is as good as it gets, buddy. But at the same time, I'd be like, that doesn't quite the voice would be like, hey. Shut up.

Speaker 1:

I'm gonna go have another one anyways. But it does create that pause. It does create that awareness that gives you more optionality in the moment to make better decisions that maybe you previously hadn't. Then couple it in with more self awareness and coming into it happier and engaging in in other ways.

Speaker 2:

Understanding how the brain works, what actually causes your brain to be rewired in a good way, the way you want, it's a positive experience. So for example, I teach a a strategy called delay, don't deny. You know? So you get home from work, give it five minutes, thirty minutes, one hour, just delay your first drink. But that's only 50% of it.

Speaker 2:

If you're not thoroughly enjoying those five minutes, thirty minutes, sixty minutes because you're looking forward to expanding your list of options of things that relax you. I'm gonna listen to some music. I'm gonna walk my dog. And your intention is to enjoy those things, not wait to drink, then you're at the positive experience. You're that's what your brain wants to repeat.

Speaker 2:

You gotta leave yourself wanting more, which is why to your question earlier, like, I'm only gonna have it two drinks. Really, you might as well not bother because what you're doing is training your brain to think that stopping at two drinks is hard and complicated, and the fun is over. Like, this is much more expansive. Like, the only negative goal that I ever sometimes play with in in terms of rewiring your brain is I'm gonna enjoy overcoming the urge to get another drink, and I'm gonna do it 10 times. And then if I do it 10 times and I enjoy that, I can get another drink after that.

Speaker 2:

Like, it's it's just how you're thinking about it. You know? Like, I wanna feel the urge. It's kinda like lifting a weight. Like, oh, I wanna I wanna watch myself.

Speaker 2:

I wanna watch that intensity, that urgency come over me. And I wanna be like, not today. You don't control me today. And then five minutes later, you gotta do it again because that's how the brain works. And so you just you can set goals like that, but you have to enjoy whatever it is you're doing, whether it's overcoming the urge or whether it's enjoying something else or whether it's connecting and being grounded, like, whatever.

Speaker 2:

If you aren't enjoying yourself, you're only doubling down on your brain's belief that this is hard and that you don't really wanna do it.

Speaker 1:

If you say it's gonna be hard, it's gonna be hard. If you say it's gonna be easy, maybe it'll be somewhere in the middle or maybe it'll still be hard, but you're at least doing it. And you yeah. Like you said, you have to keep practicing the practices. Like, it nothing ever goes away for anything, not just alcohol, but, I mean, you could talk about self talk.

Speaker 1:

Oh, did I say something stupid? Or did I eat something I shouldn't have? Or I should have done this and should have done that. Like, all of those things are not just isolated to alcohol. They come to us in every single day life.

Speaker 1:

So, you know, for me, I started focusing on the conversation and social situations. And so it wasn't that, like, I'll take these extended breaks, and it's not that, oh, I wanna avoid alcohol. It's just that I started doing that and focusing. And before I knew it, I'd just be like, nah. You know, take it or leave it.

Speaker 1:

And then all of a sudden, it's just it wasn't really consideration most of the time because I'm still focused on the other and and not thinking about the drink when I get to the party or to the to the social event, which, by the way, I'm, you know, I'm not going to those all the time now that I'm 47. But but nonetheless, you know, but but I definitely see those shifts happening in that if you focus on the positive, but if you're focusing on the opposite, it will be challenging. It will be hard. Okay. I want to let you give us a little bit of homework.

Speaker 1:

So if somebody wants to do some practices or some self talk, whether it's a nervous system practice that somebody could do or whether it's just a self talk thing that they could do, you know, for a couple minutes. Give the listeners some some homework today.

Speaker 2:

Well, I I think a practice is good. You know, women who come into my program, we don't even focus on the drinking. We tell them that in the interview. Like, we have a very counterintuitive approach. You're gonna have to trust the process.

Speaker 2:

You're gonna have to play chicken with your inside voice because often what happens, people will say, well, alright. I'm not focusing on the drinking, and I'm drinking more than I was. And I'm like, okay. How does that feel? You know, let let's get into it.

Speaker 2:

But the practice we have everybody start with is nervous system regulation. And what I've also noticed, just spoiler alert, is the wet the clients that have the most trouble making the turn are the ones that are actually the most self aware in a cognitive sense. They've got you know, they're licensed therapist. They're doctors. They've done coaching, lots of coaching programs.

Speaker 2:

They understand polyvagal theory and self directed neuro. So they can they can pass the test, but their brain's not plugged into their body. And it's almost insulting to them how simple this is. Like I said, it's kindergarten words. Your needs can be met in the present moment.

Speaker 2:

And so it's it's very it's very difficult for intellectual women who are very intelligent to surrender to the fact that this is kindergarten stuff. But we start with nervous system regulation. And without going too deep, you they we teach them to categorize the state of their nervous system green, yellow, which is stress, or overwhelm, which means I I don't even give a fuck. I can't anymore. So you go you go from regulated to moving too fast to then the brakes come on.

Speaker 2:

That's the freeze response. And their practices include starting the day with an emotional intention. Don't check your phone. Maybe you're doing a gratitude list or setting the emotional intention for the day. The the biggest bang for your buck in terms of of the analytics on your drinking, the biggest investment upstream you can make is two and three minutes at a time doing simple somatic work.

Speaker 2:

And here's the pro tip for those of us that are high strung a type a overachievers. When you sit down to relax for three minutes and you are not in the habit of relaxing, you're not going to be relaxed. You have to go through the discomfort not around it. So you have to relax about the fact that you're not immediately feeling zen and amazing. So just the practice of I'm gonna be relaxed about the fact that I'm relaxed.

Speaker 2:

The first step to being okay is to be okay that you're not okay. And so just learning and then and then observing. Like, wow. My women, they don't they're it's amazing. 40, 50, 60 year old women don't know how they feel.

Speaker 2:

That's it's there's a blind spot there. They they they they've never asked themselves these questions because it didn't fucking matter how they felt. And so it's very kindergarten to, well, what am I feeling right now? What do I need right now? Like, it it just seems almost insulting.

Speaker 2:

But if you can drop the intellectual smart girl and just attend to the child who's been running a race to win for years and decades and just it's okay. Like, soothe. A two year old having a temper tantrum, you can't convince the two year old to that to stop freaking out. You just have to make it safe for them to be freaking. And so the homework that I'm giving your listeners is two to three minutes at a time, two to three times a day, and then just start noticing how that subtly impacts your cravings, what you're thinking about, and how much you end up drinking.

Speaker 1:

I'm a firm believer that the most impactful practices, at least in my own experience and that I've seen with other people, it's not this hidden code or, like, secret password to change. It's actually seems so obvious that it couldn't be that good. And Yeah. I think that how do you feel right now? Like, you said that's, like, Kindergarten esque.

Speaker 1:

We think we know the answer to that, but then when you try to actually answer it, it's it's a little bit deeper than than you think. We think we're carrying the answer around. So okay. That is great homework for everybody here that wants to give it a try. Consistency totally is the key.

Speaker 1:

So as Colleen says, you can't go around it. You kinda gotta go in and through to get to the other side if it doesn't hit immediately. Well, Colleen, as always, it's just amazing to talk with you. Thank you for coming on and sharing. If anybody wants to reach out and learn more or say thank you, where can they go?

Speaker 2:

I have I have a podcast if they wanna listen. It's not about the alcohol. That's the title. It's not about the alcohol. Social media, I am the hangover whisperer, and my website is emotionalsobrietycoaching.com.

Speaker 1:

Thanks so much, Colleen.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, Mike.