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What if you’re not lost, just living in a part of the story no one talks about? Holding Patterns is a podcast about the in-between. The messy, undefined seasons of life where nothing quite makes sense. Hosted by Ashton Arnold, a deeply curious traveler who is carving out a life beyond the conventional path. Ashton leads guests through the kind of conversations that get honest, intimate, and are rooted in what it actually means to be human. This show is for people who’ve felt unsure, off-course, or like they’re making it up as they go. Each episode features a conversation with someone who has built a life outside the typical script, unpacking the moments where success felt out of reach. From travel and relationships to money and mental health, nothing’s off-limits. Holding Patterns is here to remind you that you’re not behind, you’re not alone, and you’re allowed to figure it out your own way.
Welcome to Holding Patterns
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Ashton Arnold: [00:00:00]
Ashton Arnold: Hi, I'm Ashton, and this is Holding Patterns. This is a podcast about the in-between moments of life, the ones full of uncertainty. I've spent the last couple years living abroad, starting over, and spending more time in these holding patterns than I care to admit. However, I've found that these moments aren't something to rush through.
They actually shape the majority of our lives.
Meet Lexi Sullens
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Ashton: So this is a place to talk about them and to hear people's stories from the in-between This week on Holding Patterns, I have my best friend, Lexi Sullens, as the guest, which I am so excited about. I've been trying to have her on from the [00:01:00] very start, and she's currently living in Madrid, Spain, so that time difference is quite difficult, but we made it happen.
And this episode is such a fun mix of some story times about all the different adventures we've had over the last couple years, and also obviously diving into Lexi's specific holding patterns she's been through. And we also talk about the concept of holding patterns from an educational, more academic perspective, because that is Lexi's background.
She is a teacher and a two-times master's student, and she is just the best friend a girl could possibly ask for. She makes me laugh until I cry. She's one of the most supportive and uplifting people in my life, and I think that very much carries through this episode. We met studying abroad in Sevilla during COVID, and five years later, we are still together navigating our [00:02:00] way through life.
Some of the different conversation points we have throughout this episode is about the difference between linear and cyclical time, why uncertainty, not the waiting itself, is usually the hardest part. And I think the overarching theme of this episode is learning to trust the process even when you can't see where it's leading.
I am so excited everybody gets to have a look into her brain and hopefully has a few laughs during this conversation. So here is Lexi Sullens.
Lexi: feel like I'm, like, pretty low energy and I need to be, like, sound like I'm excited to be here. So excited to be here.
Ashton Arnold: so unhappy to be here.
Lexi: No, I'm so stoked. I'm so excited. Eee,
Ashton Arnold: bestie time on
Lexi: so [00:03:00] excited
Ashton Arnold: It's funny 'cause I feel like I know too much about you that it's makes it harder to interview
Lexi: Yeah
Well, I talk about you so much that, I feel like I'd, it would be really weird to be like, "Oh, let me just ask this person," like even to my friends. we just, like, know each other so well
Our Abroad Meet Cute
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Ashton Arnold: I guess where we could, start is just how we know each other.
Lexi: Okay
Ashton Arnold: And we could tell the story together.
Lexi: Okay, I would love that. Let's tell the story together of how we met
Ashton Arnold: Let's tell our love story.
Lexi: Okay. I remember you from the, from like the information session even before we went
Ashton Arnold: What?
Lexi: Yes.
Ashton Arnold: I don't know that.
Lexi: Yeah. Like,
Ashton Arnold: Wait,
Lexi: I remember you asked like really good questions during the information s-
Ashton Arnold: I didn't know this.
Lexi: Wait, no?
Ashton Arnold: No, you've never told me that.
Lexi: No, I remember... I think we all had to say like where we were from, and then you asked like really good like pre-departure questions. And [00:04:00] I was like, "Those are things that I didn't even think about." You were so prepared for abroad. Maybe I should back up. We met while we were studying abroad.
Ashton Arnold: Oh yeah, we didn't even see
that. Wow, that's actually really sweet. Thanks.
Lexi: yeah, which I feel like is a good representation of who you are.
Ashton Arnold: Oh my gosh, that's really cute. Yeah,
Lexi: Yeah
Ashton Arnold: we met, yea- five years ago now.
Lexi: Oh my gosh
Ashton Arnold: Even though, when I say five, that actually doesn't feel like enough.
Lexi: No, I feel like it's more like 10 in my head
Ashton Arnold: Yeah, I feel like I've known you my whole life.
But also just 'cause we've lived through... A lot has happened in the last five years, so it, I feel like that makes time feel different 'cause, like, we've just lived through a lot of change together.
Lexi: Yeah, we met, like, through COVID, and also,
like, think that our abroad experience was so unique. Like, I think that most people who study abroad don't get as [00:05:00] close with the people that they're around as we did
Ashton Arnold: Yeah, we got really... Well, okay, we'll, we'll go there. We're jumping ahead. So
my first impression of you was at the airport, the Miami Airport. That's
Lexi: Oh my gosh, I forgot about that.
Ashton Arnold: that's the very, very first time I remember meeting you. Also, 'cause I think you were dressed really nicely, and I was like, "Oh." I
Lexi: Wait, really?
Ashton Arnold: I think you were wearing... And I was, like, in my, my bitch braids and a dress. Remember? You all told me that I looked like a little child.
Lexi: remember that at all.
I
remember meeting you, but like very vaguely
Ashton Arnold: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's my first impression of you.
Studying in COVID Spain
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Ashton Arnold: But, yeah, so as L- Lexi kind of saying,
Um, we studied abroad in COVID. we went in February of 2021. So it was
Lexi: On Valentine's Day
Ashton Arnold: On Valentine's Day, and it was pretty much up until the moment we left, the program could get canceled at any moment. Like, it was so uncertain. But, then it, if that says anything about the people that actually went through with it, [00:06:00] it was, people who really wanted to be there, to be abroad, which I feel like is, is rare because you have program...
I mean, everybody goes abroad,
Lexi: Yeah
Ashton Arnold: for a lot of different reasons. But to go when we had to go and the restrictions we were under, like, we... You know, if you've ever been to Spain, you know that Spaniards, the party don't start till like 10:00 PM. Like, you're not eating dinner until 10:00 PM, and we had to be in our houses. You could
Lexi: At 6:00, right?
Ashton Arnold: Well, no, everything closed at 6:00, but we had to be,
Lexi: Oh, yeah
Ashton Arnold: curfew was 10:00. we could not leave the house. So,
Lexi: It's crazy
Ashton Arnold: we had to wear masks outside walking. I remember that was a big thing, 'cause in the US we, you only had to wear masks indoors. But like in Spain, it was walking around anywhere you had to wear a mask.
Lexi: Yeah, that still makes not a lot of sense to me. No offense, Spain, love you, but
still is really weird.
Our Spain Orgin Stories
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Lexi: did you originally want to study abroad in Sevilla?
Ashton Arnold: Yeah. Yeah,
'cause I remember yours was different, but I always [00:07:00] wanted to do Spain Well, so Lexi and I both had some sort of Spanish study. I was doing Spanish minor. Was yours a minor or major?
Lexi: Mine was a major.
Ashton Arnold: But with education, right?
Lexi: yeah, I double majored in educational studies and in Spanish. Like, it really focused on literature, I would say more so than, like, the language itself.
Ashton Arnold: yeah.
Lexi: Yeah
Ashton Arnold: that's kind of what led us both Spain. And, yeah, I always... I knew I didn't wanna do Barcelona because I wouldn't speak Spanish, and I knew people who had studied abroad in Barcelona and they told me, like, "You're, you're only gonna speak English there, and it's really fun and it's a great party."
But, I had got really lucky with talking to people older than me who had studied abroad, and I got to ask a lot of questions. I met a couple people who studied abroad in Barcelona, and I met one my business fraternity who had studied abroad in Sevilla, and we talked about it for a long time, and she was like, "You can go visit Barcelona and it's amazing
Lexi: True. Then we did it.
Ashton Arnold: Well yeah then we didn't but [00:08:00] eventually we got there
Lexi: Eventually we got there. We did Costa Brava together.
Ashton Arnold: Yeah eventually we've checked a lot off the bucket list together But
Lexi: We have
Ashton Arnold: But your your first go was Salamanca right
Lexi: My first go was with South America, but
Ashton Arnold: Oh right
Lexi: with COVID restrictions, everything was, like, on the level four. like, you know how the US has, like, the entry thing. They wouldn't allow anyone to study abroad in South America, and so then I quickly switched to Salamanca. Salamanca program got canceled, and then Sevilla was, like, kind of my only option.
But looking back on it, I think that Sevilla was, like, the best place to study abroad. I think Salamanca would've been cool too, but Sevilla has, like, that really unique, like, Andalusian, cultural aspect
Ashton Arnold: yeah I think when people ask me about Cause I'm jumping the gun but we both have lived in other places in Spain too
Lexi: Right. Right
Ashton Arnold: but when people ask me like where to live versus where to go abroad and stuff I always say like
I think [00:09:00] Sevilla is a really good place to study abroad because get culture and it's enough of a city that there's a lot going o well there wasn't a lot going on for us But there
Lexi: Right.
Ashton Arnold: on and you There's a good airport and it's connected and the the architecture It's just a beautiful city
Lexi: It is a beautiful city. I still haven't been back since we fini-
Ashton Arnold: that's insane
Lexi: I
Ashton Arnold: been back so many times I have been to Yuri's Bar so many times
Lexi: want to go back before I leave, but I'm... Now I'm jumping the gun. Um, but at the same time, I think that it was such, like, specific beautiful memories that I'm scared that not being there with everyone will make me really sad
Ashton Arnold: Yeah but but I'm
Lexi: Yeah
Ashton Arnold: gonna add this input into it that now So Lexi's been living in Madrid for the last two years
Lexi: Mm-hmm.
Ashton Arnold: We uh we also lived in Spain together uh f four years ago now Oh my [00:10:00] God So Lexi's been in and out of Spain for the last since you graduated But um
Lexi: Yeah
Ashton Arnold: and now it's coming to a close But of that being said I think it could be a really like serendipitous way to close your chapter of Spain of where it started
Lexi: It's true
Ashton Arnold: little sad but I think it would be like sentimental in a very beautiful reflective way But
Lexi: Maybe I should go.
Ashton Arnold: I
Lexi: think about it for sure.
Ashton Arnold: Yeah
Lexi: I'll-
Ashton Arnold:
Post Grad Plans and NALCAP
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Ashton Arnold: So you we met abroad in Sevilla then we both went back to university for our last year and then
Lexi: Mm-hmm.
Ashton Arnold: what happened in our last year of university
Lexi: Okay. So
After university, I knew that I wanted to teach English in a Spanish-speaking country. I had studied abroad in Ecuador my fresh- the summer of my freshman year, and I knew that I wanted to go back to Ecuador.
So I applied for a Fulbright and, [00:11:00] like really wanted to do that, but I knew I ne- had to have a backup plan. And so my backup plan was moving to Spain again because I loved Spain. And then I did not get the Fulbright, still an amazing program. I applied again, actually. Did not get it again. Fulbright is not for me, and That's okay.
Ashton Arnold: person if you got the
Lexi: I would... Exactly. I would be a different person, and I would have not met and had the same beautiful experiences that I have had. I don't think I'm someone who's like, "Everything happens for a reason," but I do think that things play out for a bigger picture. Maybe I'll put it that way.
Ashton Arnold: Yeah
Lexi: so I signed up for NALCAP, the North American Language Cultural Program, where you can teach English in Spanish public charter language schools,
Ashton Arnold: And
Ashton Arnold: We
about the NALCAP because
when we were in Spain we met we became good friends with [00:12:00] this group of they were from everywhere
It was this group of people who had who were basically two years older than us living in Spain teaching English during COVID and that was at least my first introduction I think yours to learning
Lexi: Yeah
Ashton Arnold: Like had you known anybody before who had done it
Lexi: No, and honestly, I would say that, like, you really honed into what they were doing, and then kinda I learned. And you will remember this, because, like, I called you all the time when I was, when I was figuring everything out, and you were like, "Oh, all..." Uh, you were already always two steps ahead of me when it came to, like, the process of now NALCAP.
And so I just felt like you were, like, the expert on it
Ashton Arnold: it's so funny to look back on because I I remember you were going off to the Fulbright but I forgot that that was more of your focus And I remember
the world was just opening up from COVID again I was back at college having so much fun and I just had like found myself that's so cliche but I just really I remember coming back from abroad and I just felt this different energy around [00:13:00] me I felt like people I felt myself differently people were receiving me differently Like it was just this newfound confidence I think And I had wanted to study abroad my entire life and our thing kind of got hijacked by COVID the whole idea of what abroad is and traveling and all of that we didn't get to do We had such an amazing experience but it still felt like something was like left I look back on a lot of my life and there's always been like this one singular person or somebody who is just like this I don't even know them that well but they opened this tiny little door for me to go into the next one And
Lexi: Yeah
Ashton Arnold: I met at NALCAP I latched onto that I remember I got back to college and everyone was applying for jobs and I was like Uhuh
Lexi: I
also feel like, with our age too, that even if you had the very amazing opportunity of studying abroad, it still felt like we l- we lost like a y- that year and a half to like find ourselves
in, college. Like, it still [00:14:00] felt like there was just some like growth to be had,
Yeah I
be done, and I think that we needed like more time to figure it all out
Ashton Arnold: Yeah absolutely That year was a lot but yeah we uh we both ended up for NALCAP This program if you've never heard of it before you basically apply through the Spanish government You put preferences of where you would like to go
Lexi: you get to put, like how big of a city you want. So you can s- pick like a small rural town or you can pick over like 100,000 inhabitants
Ashton Arnold: Yeah right And so we which we look back on and we didn't put the same number one cause
Lexi: No
Ashton Arnold: try something new and I wanted to go back to Andalusia I really I can't reme I think I like really wanted a beach or I wanted more nature because I remember in Sevilla I didn't have enough nature Like that was the one thing living there Anyways we
Lexi: And you wanted a airport. You wanted a good airport.
Spain Round Two
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Ashton Arnold: I did
Lexi: safe to say we both got our placements We [00:15:00] decided to go and even though we weren't going to the same place so I ended up in Malaga and Lexi went to Donosti
Ashton Arnold: which are basically the complete if you don't know where those are in Spain complete opposite parts
Lexi: For the people on audio, for the people on audio, I'm putting my fingers together and I'm separating them as far as humanly possible, and that's where we were.
Ashton Arnold: So true so true so true But somehow we managed to see each other pretty much every single month that we lived there
Lexi: Yeah
because we got there in October and I came to see you like Instantly.
Ashton Arnold: we did Oktoberfest first
Lexi: Oh my gosh, I forgot about that. I can't believe that that was the same time
Ashton Arnold: I know we did so we've done so much We lived a lot of life together but yeah we we were in it together and I remember I got to Spain before you and I was in Spain two weeks before the program no like a month before the program started but
Lexi: Yeah.
Ashton Arnold: before like I was just by myself basically in Spain and that was two of the hardest weeks of my whole life it was it was bad I don't deal with [00:16:00] depression a lot but I couldn't get out of bed I was staying in this woman's apartment that I found on Facebook she was great though She was great She picked me up from the airport She was so nice
Lexi: The things we'll do for an adventure
Ashton Arnold: Yeah and I I stayed in this woman's house for a week while I was trying to find housing cause you go go to Spain without housing cause you'll get scammed if you do something online
yeah I couldn't get out of bed and I remember just like wanting you to be in Spain Like
Lexi: Yeah
Ashton Arnold: even gonna be in the same place but I was like Just to be in the same country and
Lexi: have someone on the same time zone is so comforting
Ashton Arnold: And I remember there was such a sense of relief once you finally got there we were opposite sides of the country but it was like Okay Lexi's here
Lexi: Yeah.
Ashton Arnold: here
Lexi: Yeah, absolutely
Ashton Arnold: together which was so nice and we had the most amazing travels that year
Lexi: We did. What was your favorite?
Ashton Arnold: Of all the things we did
Lexi: Yeah, you have to pick. I loved [00:17:00] Finland.
Ashton Arnold: I might have to say our our dinner in
Lexi: Pff. I mean, that was, that's something I'm gonna carry with me to my grave. I want that on my epitaph
I think it's so integral to our friendship.
Ashton Arnold: cause it's so funny
well this is just gonna be us telling stories the whole time
Lexi: Perfect.
Ashton Arnold: bestie time on the podcast
Chef’s Table Dream Dinner
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Ashton Arnold: and I when we lived in Sevilla together because of lockdown we would get home and we would watch TV
Lexi: Yeah,
TV
we quickly bonded over our love our love for food Yes.
If I'm with Ashton, we're going to eat
All the things. That's
Ashton Arnold: cause I have a gluten and dairy allergy
Lexi: And we somehow make it work
Ashton Arnold: we still make it work and so we got on this show if if you know you know Chef's Table
And there's this episode with the Roca brothers
Lexi: Yeah. It's in the pastry season, if anybody wants to check it out.
all you need to know is that
Jordi Roca's [00:18:00] nose is the thumbnail
Ashton Arnold: so we watched that episode and we were like We are going to this restaurant cause it's in northern
Lexi: Ciao
Ashton Arnold: And we c we couldn't travel so we were like fantasizing of like oh at the end maybe maybe travel restrictions will open up and we'll go or
Lexi: You have to book this restaurant a year in advance, by the way
Ashton Arnold: so when Lexi and I decided we're gonna go back to Spain together for a year ass went online a year
Lexi: Mm-hmm
when we were in our first h- holding pattern, We made this reservation July 11th, for the sake of the story,
Ashton Arnold: And Lexi and I put our minds to something
Lexi: Be scared.
Ashton Arnold: anything that comes out of our mouth when we talk about together it's happening
Lexi: were broke, broke as a joke
Ashton Arnold: yeah it was the end of our year we had traveled and spent like every dime to our name and we still made this happen
Lexi: It was so wonderful. I remember,
we're, like, trying to be adult.
Like, we were, like, dressed up in, like, the most kid [00:19:00] adult way that anyone has ever dressed up.
Ashton Arnold: Yep
Lexi: our hair looked really nice. I remember I wore loafers. That's a crazy thing to wear to a restaurant.
Ashton Arnold: Oh my
Lexi: We looked like goobers. Like we just looked like straight up goobers
Ashton Arnold: and we came up cause we were so embarrassed by how broke we were that we came up with this whole story that we're like We just graduated grad school
Lexi: Yes
Ashton Arnold: And w and then like a year later I feel like we're watching The Bear and it's like the Michelin star episode where they they know like every detail of every person that walks in that restaurant And like they already knew that we
Lexi: We were broker than jokes. 'Cause they, like, stalked us on Instagram and they were like, "Wow, these girls have very beautiful Instagrams. Ain't no way that they can afford to eat here."
Ashton Arnold: But we
Lexi: I took one, I took the first bite, and I was like, "Yeah, this is where I'm supposed to be in this moment"
Ashton Arnold: That was a beautiful And we like ended up in Girona at this flower festival that we didn't even plan for and it literally was like Tangled
Ashton Arnold: cause it's this [00:20:00] medieval town and there's flowers
Lexi: Yes
we went on like a Dali tour. We went to like Figu- I don't know how to say it. We went to Dali's hometown,
Ashton Arnold: there's you our Spanish major Spanish masters okay we're getting so caught up in stories we
Lexi: Okay.
Ashton Arnold: about you so people
really don't They just know that
Lexi: So we're best friends?
Lexi’s Hometown and Family
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Ashton Arnold: so Lexi where are you from I am from a small town an hour and a half outside of Nashville, Tennessee called McMinnville. Shout out McMinnville.
Yes McMinnville
It's very quaint. Um, we have a lot of rolling hills, and as I've grown older, I've grown to appreciate it more and more each time I'm back. As Lexi's brother likes to equate it to if you've ever seen the Hannah Montana movie
Lexi: they actually filmed part of the Hannah Montana movie, like, in one of the, like, b- main rivers that, like, everyone goes to in the summer. So yeah, basically
Ashton Arnold: Just picture Hannah Montana and that's Lexi
Lexi: That's me.
Ashton Arnold: so [00:21:00] tell us a little bit about your family and how you grew
Lexi: Okay. I would love to. I think something that's really important about me is that I named my little brother after London Tipton. that's probably not the first thing that I was supposed to talk about, but I think that it, like, really shows, my personality in a way that
Ashton Arnold: Yeah Yeah it does
Lexi: it's like a fun fact that you're like, "Hmm, that checks out."
Ashton Arnold: I have two very hardworking parents, and they, like, really instilled that in me as I was growing up. My mom is an educator, and she's also an artist in her own right, and my dad was a basketball coach, and he's also a mechanic.
Lexi: So both of my parents have, um, very layered parts of themselves, which I really love. I feel like that was really instilled in me as a person, is that, like, you don't have to be just one thing. You can be, you can be whatever you want to be as long as you have, the drive and the ambition to get there.
and I would say that that kind of, like, speaks to my brother and I, too. my brother's very multifaceted. [00:22:00] He is... He's amazing. He's like one of my best friends. I could talk about him all day long. I could talk about anyone in my family all day long.
I feel v- very grateful to have, a s- such strong people in my life to look to. And as I've gotten older, I've learned more about them, And their stories have kind of driven me to find something that you're passionate about and go after it.
I have a question for
Yeah. Tell me
Childhood & Teaching
---
Ashton Arnold: what did you always wanna be when you grew up
Lexi: This is so embarrassing
Ashton Arnold: Saved This is so embarrassing.
Oh God What
Lexi: I think I've grown a lot since like maybe who I was in high school and in college in terms of like politically, my political interests
I wanted to be, I did wanna be a teacher.
Like, I had like the whole like teacher set up in like my playroom. But there was a really extended period of time where I wanted to be a cop
Ashton Arnold: I didn't know that
Lexi: Yes, I was obsessed with the show Rookie Blue, and I was like, "That's gonna be me"
Ashton Arnold: Do you just really like [00:23:00] authority Is that why Like you wanted to
Lexi: Oh my gosh. Don't psychoanalyze me like that. No, but I think that I think I've always had like a very strong moral compass. Like, I think that
know what I think to be right and wrong. And although that, that is not what everyone else sees to be right and wrong, which is something that I'm learning as I get older, I think that part of me was very like, "This is good, this is bad.
This is right, this is wrong." And so I think that that's maybe what that spoke to, the, the
Ashton Arnold: That makes sense So you wanted to be that when you were younger but then as you mentioned you said you also always wanted to be a teacher and that's where life has taken you But where did
interest stem from
Lexi: I think my mom's an educator, my aunt is an educator. I mean, it's, it's just part of my family, and it's, like, kind of undeniable. Like I said, my dad was a coach. both of my grandmothers said that if they ever had the opportunity to work, they would've been teachers, [00:24:00] too. they unfortunately were not...
They didn't have access to higher education, and so they stayed at home and raised very amazing children. yeah, I think that teaching has always been, part of who I am, and I just, like, see the world through a teacher's lens, whether that's my own decision or not. Now it is my own decision, and it's truly, like, what I'm passionate about and what gets me going.
Ashton Arnold: you mentioned earlier that you studied that college and then we went back to Spain and we did the year in Spain but what did you do after
Lexi: I actually went into college wanting to be a political science major. and then I took one Foundations of Education class my- the second semester of my freshman year, and I c- remember calling my mom after the first class, and I was like, "Yeah, this just feels right.
I think I'm gonna do this for the rest of my life." Like, it was so weird. There was, like, something that was happening at my alma mater, um, with whether or not they [00:25:00] should do To Kill a Mockingbird as a play, and then the same question came up in the education class. And not to be woo-woo, but it was like, it was like a sign that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
I loved, like, those little...
what are they called?
Ashton Arnold: it well in The Alchemist book they're called omens so there's your omen. That was my omen.
First Teaching Job Reality Check
---
Lexi: but yeah, from there I moved to Spain and I was... I taught English both at a public school in a small town called Beasain. Beautiful, beautiful mountain town. I also taught English at an academy, over the summer and throughout the, like, spring semester.
And then I moved home I thought that I was going to come back to Spain,
Lexi: yes,
were hoping that Ashton was coming to País Vasco, and then she didn't. but that's okay. Everything
It worked out the way that it was supposed to. So I moved home, and I was just going to be a long-term substitute at [00:26:00] where I went to high school for five weeks, and then I was gonna move back to País Vasco. in that five weeks there were, like, some administrative things.
They moved the old English teacher to admin, and then there was now an opening to be an eighth grade English teacher. Mind you, I am qualified to teach Spanish.
Ashton Arnold: Yep
Lexi: necessarily qualified to teach English, even though English teaching has been my job for longer than Spanish teaching has been, but that's okay.
yeah. So I stayed around for a year. It was a boarding school. I worked on campus. it was, like, my first real job post-college,
real stakes, A lot of realness
job
Ashton Arnold: teaching at a boarding school living at the boarding school
Lexi: Living at the boarding school. I was living, like, a 15-minute walk from the girls' dorm that I worked in, but I lived alone, which was pretty isolating. It's also, like, a very small town. It's, the population is, like, 500 people. It was really isolating.
Ashton Arnold: It's a [00:27:00] tough year
Lexi: Yeah, it was a tough year. I mean, they're my first group of students. I will always remember them. They made such an amazing impact on me, and I still keep up with, like, a lot of them, and I'm so, so, so proud of them and so happy that the school gave me the space to explore, like, my first year full-time teaching and the opportunity to work in the dorm, because the experience was amazing.
But I don't know if I was... but I don't know if that was the, the time that I was supposed to be there
Ashton Arnold: Yeah Well it was a stark contrast from the year we had in Spain traveling and n not a lot of work we didn't work that much to then mean the sa similar thing happened to you that happened to me of having this idea that you were going back to Spain and going back to that kind of similar life and then it a all changed really quickly
Lexi: yeah absolutely
Ashton Arnold: so tough year but you're who you are because of it now
Lexi: I think in the, the boarding [00:28:00] school community, they always say, like, "Boarding school is not a job, it's a lifestyle." And I think the transition of travel and explore and
teach when you want, work a little bit here and there, pure freedom to, to the job, to the lifestyle of boarding school was a very stark contrast.
And
I don't know if I was ready for that,
Ashton Arnold: Yeah And then what came after the year in Tennessee
Back to Spain for Grad School
---
Lexi: Yeah, so around February I was like, "I think I really wanna be back in Spain." I miss the culture, I miss the people, all of the things. And so one way to get back there was to go to grad school. And so I did a language program through Middlebury, which is, like, a small liberal arts school in Vermont.
It's beautiful. and you can do the program in two ways. You can study four summers and get your master's in Spanish linguistics, pedagogy, or just, like, general [00:29:00] Spanish, like literature and language. or you can do one summer in Vermont, and then you spend a year or two semesters in Madrid and a summer in Argentina.
And I was like,
That one."
Ashton Arnold: Yeah
Lexi: I wanted to go back to South America. I knew I wanted to experience a new place, and I wanted to be back in Spain. And I really liked Madrid when I came to visit when I was living in Basque Country. so I decided to do that. I grew a lot,
in that year.
Yeah.
Ashton Arnold: So that was last year
Lexi: That was last year. And then I was like, I did this master's in Spanish, and then I was like, " So I probably should have done a master's in education," because education is, like, more my speed, but I didn't know that at the time, and all you know is what you know in the moment. So I decided to do a master's in international education and bilingualism, which is very much...
has been my passion. I think that, like, shows in the work that I've produced since being in this master's. I'm much more aligned and happy to present it to [00:30:00] the world.
So,
Ashton Arnold: And how did you find like just for anybody who maybe is hearing you talk about your path how did you even find these master programs How did you afford two masters in Spain can you talk about more of the logistics and nittygritty side of what the past two years have been like
Lexi: Yeah, absolutely. so the master's at Middlebury was definitely more expensive than the master's in Europe because It's a US program.
you get a diploma from the, from the US,
and I applied under the assumption that I would be teaching Spanish, and that was what my letter of motivation was all about, And so fortunately, I got a scholarship to go to Middlebury. That's not the same for everyone.
I think if without the scholarship, my master's probably would have cost around 70,000, which is in stark contrast to what my master's now costs, which is 5,700 a year.
Ashton Arnold: Yeah so because I got that really wonderful scholarship, AndWhen I was working at the boarding school, I had no [00:31:00] expenses.
Lexi: So if anybody's interested in boarding, boarding life, it's a wonderful way to save money and teach, because I saved
every penny
Ashton Arnold: when I hear you talk about it it's so similar to
Work Life Tradeoffs
---
Ashton Arnold: like the lodge and shift work that I've done cause you live at work Like your whole life is work You don't have outside of work which therefore you don't have a lot of expenses because of that But at what cost
Lexi: Yeah, 100%. Like, you give up so much of, of your self and,
I mean, I gave up honestly, like, my physical health I think would, was the thing that I gave up first, which is a shame. I think if I were... But I think that you have to grow and learn those things
Ashton Arnold: yeah you have to have periods Like that to even know Oh this is what it feels like if something's not right in your body Like it actually can really impact your physical health when you don't even realize that it's a mental issue or Yeah
Affordable Masters Abroad
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Lexi: 100%.
Ashton Arnold: it You
do basically you went back for a second [00:32:00] master's cause you wanted to but also you could it's a lot cheaper if I think most people know that but if you don't a master's in Europe Spain I don't know if it's all of Europe but it's drastically cheaper than getting it in
Lexi: much cheaper. I don't know about public universities because mine is a private university, but even still, private universities are more expensive typically, and my master's, like I said, was only 5,700. yeah, if you're interested in getting your master's abroad,
Ashton Arnold: And how does that work for you
Degree Recognition and IB Path
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Ashton Arnold: Because you said you got the first one from a uh US university so that translates well if you wanna go back and work in the US What about the second master's that is from a Spanish institution How does that work for you recognition or that that degree in itself like wanting to go and work in the US
Lexi: I don't know exactly how it works, But I can speak a little bit about my experience. So when you are transferring a US de- degree to [00:33:00] Spain, you have to go through this equivalation process.
You have to get it, recognized in Spain. From what I know and through my experience, I won't have to do that moving into the job that I'm going to move into. and it might be different for other jobs, I'm not quite sure. But m- the school that I will be working at recognizes it as a, as a degree and
as legit.
Ashton Arnold: when you were like I'm gonna get a second master's in Spain Did you think about that was gonna translate for you in terms of career
Lexi: 100%.
And also my, my master's now gives me the certification. I was just listening to, one of the latest episodes before we started recording this, and she was talking about how she was a student, an IB student, and my master's actually gives me certification to be a IB teacher, which is really wonderful.
and so being an IB teacher, I can go teach kind of anywhere.
Ashton Arnold: to point out this like through line for you because our backgrounds where we grow up the people we [00:34:00] meet influences how we live our life cause you only know what you know
Lexi: Yeah
Ashton Arnold: you have this really unique perspective of the fact that your mom taught and you went to a boarding school which is a very I know it's more prominent on the East Coast than and you're not necessarily East Coast but boarding schools aren't as big of a thing in the West
Lexi: Yeah
Ashton Arnold: know of very many of them in the West but that's a very unique experience you were very integrated into this world And so I think for you when you looked at like postgrad or you looked at education as a whole it never was just like the only option is to just go and teach at a high school or teach at a middle school Like you had this wider expanse of knowledge of what being a teacher and educator could be which I think is a really wonderful perspective and I think I love that you get to share it cause to hear from somebody who like this is how maybe you go and teach at one or an IB school or this is the route to get there
Lexi: Yeah, [00:35:00] absolutely
I was talking to a really clo- close friend of mine that was thinking about being an educator, and I think that being an educator in the US is very interesting because we have a very big private, privatized education system, and then we also have the public system.
all of my formation in college was revolved around the public system, but everything that I've ever seen and ever been a part of is the private system, and so I feel like I have like a really good grasp on how both systems, work. I would s- I'm gonna speak a little bit to independent schools just a bit more because I think that that's where I can speak to the most.
But public schools are so important. they're what keep American education going.
but for people who are interested in maybe like something that has, that is similar to what I have experienced, I would just say that if you can find a school that believes in you, and you can express your passions, that is like where you can flourish
And so I think really you just need someone to see something in you first, and then you can go do [00:36:00] whatever you want to do at a school. that's been my experi-
Ashton Arnold: I think that's true in any career
Lexi: Yeah true.
Ashton Arnold: you need somebody to believe in you a little bit
Lexi: That's the thing too, is I like, I think it's so unique to education, but that's not necessarily true.
But as I was saying before, what I have seen is through work is education or family-run businesses. So I really don't have like a bigger... I don't know.
Ashton Arnold: that's your lived experience
Lexi: Right. Exactly.
Ashton Arnold: Well thank you for sharing that I think it could be helpful for people who wanna go down that path or are interested in it to
Lexi: Yeah
Ashton Arnold: for me to learn about
I
don't know anything about I mean I know
your path but I don't know the kind of logistics of it So
we've talked about that we kinda wanted to like go into the whole concept or
Lexi: Yes
Ashton Arnold: patterns and
like these temporary s uh states of life and
I feel like this is a good transition since we're talking about education and this is like what Lexie's passionate about [00:37:00] And you've said that you really wanted to talk about the education perspective r in regards to a holding pattern
Lexi: absolutely.
yeah, I would love to share.
Teaching Philosophy and Slow Learning
---
Lexi: So I, I kinda wanna go back and, like, think about something that I learned on my first day of my master's,
I had a professor, and she, like, drew a line on the board, and then she drew a spiral on the board, and sh- we were talking about how people, um, perceive time. And so, and Ash and I have talked about this multiple times, some people think of progress as only, like,
as linear progression
and so she started talking about time and this idea of, like, chronos, which is chronological linear time, and then, like, chronological thinking, meaning, like, things will happen when they are meant to happen and, like, we're in this circle of life. and so when Ashton presented the idea of the podcast to me, I was like, "Oh, my gosh, like, this feels so much about what I wrote my master's thesis on," which is, like, [00:38:00] slow education, that students will learn when they're meant to learn things.
But trying to push them towards a finalized goal often leads to them not making meaning of what they're actually learning, but instead
they're just more focused on the outcome rather than the process itself.
Ashton Arnold: Yeah And the whole concept of education is the process not necessarily the outcome
Lexi: Yeah, absolutely. And I think that many people can look at education for different, through different lenses, and I think that I have, like, a very specific lens of education is, is to create, like, curious, communal people that contribute well to their society. And some people might see it in a different way.
They might see it as, like, education is for governmental expansion, or education is for economic, for the economic workforce. But the way that I see it is for, to make people curious and compassionate, and that's, like, kind of my educational philosophy [00:39:00] and my teaching philosophy.
And so
Ashton Arnold: it's also who Like that's
Lexi: Oh. you
Thanks.
Ashton Arnold: that's how you are in the world That's how you carry
yourself in the world too so it t makes sense that that's your philosophy
Lexi: Thanks, dude. That's so nice. Oh my gosh.
But I think of it, I, I like owe that to so many of the educators who, who have kind of taught me that. Like, I had an amazing professor, and he writes really, really good work. So if you're an education nerd like me, go look up Zachary Casey on Google Scholar and read all of his stuff.
But he really, um, we did like a lot of narrative writing in an education class, and you would reflect on, like, these moments of crisis that you went through and what you learned through them. Um, and so I think that reflection is, is so important to education. And also, it, it refers back to that careological thinking of like, you will learn what you're supposed to learn in the moment, and like trust in that a little bit instead of like [00:40:00] seeing it as, "I have to write this paper."
Instead like, "What, what this paper,
like, can get me to an end goal"
sort of.
know. I think about
a little bit too
much.
Ashton Arnold: No I mean I love
it so mu
it is like that is
If we're talking about
putting holding pattern into a more scholarly uh terminology or concept or essence That's it right there
Lexi: Yeah, absolutely
Ashton Arnold: whole point of this to me and
Ashton Arnold: I love the way you articulated that and hopefully that translates to anyone listening about if they're in a period a holding pattern if they're going to go through one in the future if they know anybody in one It's like know it's so simple to say Just like in the process Like the process is giving you everything that it's meant to give you But It's so hard for us humans and maybe again we only can talk about our lived experience and we're both American We both grew up within the structure of the [00:41:00] United States and we've had um been privileged enough to go live in other countries and kind of have a different perspective But if somebody has never left the US and never left their hometown or this goes for somebody who lives in Australia and has never left left the system of Australia I don't know how if they feel similar to us But the US is like fully on outcomes
Lexi: Mm-hmm.
Ashton Arnold: and achievement which we kind of were talking about yesterday Our two Yeah so we we had this conversation yesterday about achievement and about ambitionAnd how I think I've said in this podcast before of like I really want this to celebrate celebrate failure celebrate uncertainty and not success and that's it That's the whole thingOutcomes are everything Ambition is everything Achievement is everything And it takes away from so many other parts of life and these processes and these middle ground moments these holding patterns that are honestly I think more important than achievement than the [00:42:00] outcome
Lexi: 100%. there's a lot of talk in education about, like, feedback and reflection and, like, I was an English teacher, so, like, rewriting, and I would always tell my students, like, writing is an ongoing process. There's, there's always a better word that you can pick. There's always... You could put a semicolon, and it probably would've worked better than an and there, or there's always something that you can do.
But I also think that that's, like, a bigger picture for, people. when I was in my cultural competence class this past semester, she was talking about the unfinalizable self, that, like, we are never truly final. We're just constantly evolving and constantly changing into, who we want to be.
on the one hand, like, you are constantly, you're constantly learning from your past mistakes. You're constantly getting feedback. You're constantly working towards I don't wanna say it's a goal, but you're constantly trying to, like, reinvent yourself in a way or reinvent, like, what you're creating, and I think that that gets you [00:43:00] closer to what you're supposed to be doing.
And so I think that sometimes I look at my experience moving from the US back to Spain, back to the US, back to Spain, and now back to the US, and I see it as, like, this, this cycle because I think that I'm learning something new about the process every single time, and I don't think that that's like...
I don't know. I think some people might see it as, like, regression because, like, I haven't- put myself in, this beautiful box. But I think that in reality it's making me understand who I am a little bit more and making me understand the world a little bit more. But as you were saying, like, in the US we have a very specific idea of, like, what success, progress, all the things look like, and being able to explore outside of those bounds has been very, very fruitful and has allowed me to question it and challenge it, and it also allowed me to accept it for what it is, too, as we were talking about with
ambition
Ashton Arnold: [00:44:00] Yeah And I know this is a very privileged thing
Lexi: Yes, yes
Ashton Arnold: and talk about
and like I I totally recognize that and
again we only can talk about our lived experience This is our life This is the privilege that we have and like acknowledging that But I think we for me at least I'm I don't wanna speak for you but being able to leave the US has has been the only way I've been able to explore who I am outside of success and ambition
Lexi: 100%.
Ashton Arnold: And I think it's why I've had such this I don't even know the word but like block to wanting to come back t and live in the US is because of that right there the exploring outside of outcome and being in the US feels like it puts this these restrictions around me And they're it's no one's putting them onto me but it's
Right
conf conformity is so powerful
Lexi: Yeah
Ashton Arnold: is
so powerful and if you [00:45:00] are in an environment where everyone around you that is the goal that's the achievement that's how they live their life how how do you not fall into that as well It's almost impossible
Like so difficult and so yeah it's been again like a privilege but I also feel so grateful that I've had the chance to go explore who Ashton is outside of outcome and achievement And it's still there I'm not saying it disappears but
Lexi: We're still eldest daughters.
Ashton Arnold: Yeah
God we're still eldest daughters.
perfectionists
Uncertainty, Fear, and Growth
---
Ashton Arnold: and I'm gonna try my whole life to fight that but but I guessleading it back into you and your like own holding patterns I know you kind of just talked about how you view them now and how you appreciate the process and what it brings out in you But maybe that's how you see them now in the past like the holding patternswhat do you think the hardest part in those periods prior to maybe this perspective you had on them was Was it like fighting the uncertainty Was it
Lexi: Yeah.
Ashton Arnold: the whole [00:46:00] essence of outcome What do you think it was
Lexi: No, I think it's 100% uncertainty. I think that as we've talked about, we're both eldest daughters. and I, I like to have some sort of control
Ashton Arnold: Just a
Lexi: it lightly. I might be a little bit of a control freak. Um, n- first you have to know thyself in order to understand others, and I,
I,
Ashton Arnold: yep
Lexi: I know that about myself, that I can be quite a control freak, unfortunately.
Exactly, the first step is awareness. I really try to be nonchalant. I try to be like, "No, no- nothing matters." Unfortunately, everything matters in my brain.
Ashton Arnold: same girl
Lexi: but the uncertainty is 110%, and I, I contribute a lot to, like, where I am in this period of growth and how I'm understanding the world right now, because I know that it will eventually change, is that, like, change is the only certainty.
And so I think before, [00:47:00] before this moment in my life, I, like, didn't have a good grasp on that. I just... I, like I said before, I had, like, a very strong moral compass. This is right, this is wrong, this is good, this is bad. And so when something was happening or when something was coming up that I couldn't kind of put in that box and it was just in this in between, both in, like, physically I'm in between jobs or physically I'm in between opportunities, I, I, like, internalized it as, like, a mental of, like,
this is bad that I'm in this in between, and this
is not, this is not good.
Which now I think I'm like... I'm trying to not think that way. I think it's very, very hard to deconstruct
all of the ideas and kind
of put them...
like problematize them a little bit because
they're so ingrained.
Ashton Arnold: works
too
Lexi: 100%. and so I think that, yeah, uncertainty was, the biggest thing that really, really terrified me.
But [00:48:00] I think, like we just said, like, the first step is awareness. Like, someone hitting me with that idea that, like, uncertainty is so uncomfortable for so many people, and it, like, is why we do the things that we do most of the time. Like, I think that I can truly, like, get down to why I make most decisions because of uncertainty or why I believe most of the things that I do because of uncertainty.
Ashton Arnold: uh
a lot of times uncertainty equals fear And if we narrow down anything in our life I think it all comes back to fear
Lexi: Yeah
Ashton Arnold: And so if you're equating fear to uncertainty trying to avoid that at all costs then it also is that uncertainty or that those two things are dictating a lot of your life And again I'm not saying this from someone who has figured that out I'm just saying it from someone who has been able to observe it in me and in others But it can run your life in a in not a good way I think as well if you [00:49:00] don't have the awareness of it too So I think again yeah awareness is key
Lexi: Awareness is so important. Awareness is so important
Ashton Arnold: Yeah Yeah absolutely Well so what holding pattern do you think has been the most impactful for you thus far in your life
Lexi: All of them have been impactful for different ways. Like, I think that I've learned something about myself. I wanted to say betw- before we moved to Pais Vasco because I was working three jobs and, like, just, like, pushed myself to the, to the core before I could get to, to this next step.
And so I think that, like, that showed me that f- maybe filling up my time and, like, pushing myself is a good way to get in between two periods, and then but I also was thinking about when I was, like, super isolated when I was living in Pais Vasco. Like, before I ma- I moved back to Tennessee to do the long-term sub position and I was, like, taking those Spanish classes, I was super uncomfortable.
it, that was, like, a really, really hard period of my life, too. So that one, too. I don't know. I, I think that [00:50:00] that is, like, kind of what I was going back to of, like, you learn something about yourself and about the world through most experiences you have or they're just, like, reiterations of, of beliefs that you've had.
So I don't know. I think that all of them have been important, which is,
like, a very, pageant
answer.
Ashton Arnold: Yeah yeah
Lexi: But, they have been
Ashton Arnold: we've kind of mentioned that time period you were back in Tennessee was really hard, and we talked about how it took a toll on your physical health, and I think maybe for people who might be going through a like that but they don't even, they might not even realize it, like what did that look like for you when you said that this period of uncertainty or what am I doing, like how did that take a toll on you physically
Lexi: I mean, I think that I, like, ph- physically saw it on my body. Like, I think that I felt very sluggish. I, like, didn't really, recognize myself in the mirror, for the lack of a better [00:51:00] term. Like, I just felt tired, and I was, like, trying to do supplements to help, and, like, they weren't really helping.
And and my vitamin D was really low, so go get your levels checked.
Ashton Arnold: Yeah yeah
Lexi: go get your blood work done. and I broke my foot, ankle, I don't really remember if it was my foot or my ankle, like, in that period, which really slowed me down.
And then I think that I just, like, started making excuses at some point, and I... One of my favorite things about myself is that if I want something, I, I'm gonna go get it, and I think I started making excuses for myself,
Which I think was, like, a good
indication that something else was going on
Ashton Arnold: when you look back on that time what were some of the the sunshine moments in that really dark period?
Lexi: Yeah. the people around me. I always wanna categorize this experience as, like, I learned so, so much, and I don't know if I was prepared for that learning, which is going back to what I was
Ashton Arnold: Mmhmm
Lexi: about a little bit earlier. I just don't know if I was prepared for that [00:52:00] time in my life.
But my mentor, for example, at the school, he pushed me so hard and, like, really made me want to, like, do well still in my job even if I wasn't feeling my best, physically and mentally. I called my friends pretty frequently. I think without them, don't know. My friends are my rocks. Um, fortunately, I was, like, about an hour away from my family, so I could go home and see them, and I saw my brother at school every day because he was a senior while I was teaching there.
So I think that really the people around me, and then I just wish... Honestly, I just wish that I had exercised more. Like, I think that I never really... I played sports, and I was a cheerleader, and I, I, like, I was active, and I always, like, liked, enjoyed walking, but, like, I never had to, like, push myself to exercise.
Like, I'd never... Like, I just could always, like, con- kind of sustain
how I was feeling,
Ashton Arnold: Yeah I was fine with that. And [00:53:00] then eventually, that was not sustainable anymore because I was becoming older, and things start slowing down, and X, Y, and Z. And so I think that I had to make time for it, and I've since made time for it, and I, I'm very grateful that I had that epiphany
Lexi: So I 100%.
Ashton Arnold: again you had to go through that to evenrecognize now the role that like exercise and movement plays in your mental health to this day. Like, this past holding period, which we've kind of mentioned, like, she is ending her master's and didn't have a jo- now you have a job, but didn't ha- didn't know what she was doing next.
Lexi: Mm-hmm.
Ashton Arnold: and the last couple months have been sitting with a lot of uncertainty
Lexi: 100%.
Ashton Arnold: But I
think because I've witnessed you go through so many
holding patterns like I've definitely seen you handle one a bit differently. I
Mm-hmm.
there's parts of it that uncertainty is never gonna be easy, so sitting in these periods is never, ever gonna be... What's the quote you just sent me the other day [00:54:00] about if you're uncomfortable
Lexi: If you're uncomfortable, that means that you're growing.
Ashton Arnold: Uhhuh
Lexi: Yes
Ashton Arnold: Right there Yeah So you've definitely been growing the last couple months,
but I do think that you leaned into exercise and movement more than you did, like, the past holding period you went through. And, I think with that like comes with reflection that you've been able to look back on, like, these other low moments in your life and been like, "Well, what helped me?"
Lexi: Yeah
Ashton Arnold: did
I mean the calling friends thing is always gonna be
there that leaning on your people. I think that's a through line for anybody. people people people People are everything in this life.
Lexi: People are everything. They are. And
I,
Ashton Arnold: are everything
Lexi: I love people and, like, h- what was I, what was I... Oh, everyone listening needs to go watch Last Meals episode with Christoph Waltz because this man was saying... I was like, "Banger, banger, banger." He, like, he was just, he was on fire, this guy. Like, just the way that he sees the world is so wonderful.
And, he was talking about personhood, and I think that [00:55:00] this is something that I, like, carry deeply with me, too, of just, like,
someone's personhood no matter the experience. Like, why is it that I, that they have to be a certain person in order for me to respect them? This is something that I, like, turn over in my head very, very often.
But, yeah, people are everything. I have, on my G-cal, I have two hours every Sunday blocked out that says call a friend because
Ashton Arnold: Yeah
Lexi: to. I have to.
Ashton Arnold: that's a great tool to use when you're going through one of these periods.
Lexi: Put it on the GCal.
Ashton Arnold: Yeah
Lexi: has been, I mean, Ashton, you introduced me to yoga, um, and really got me into it, and I think that the biggest thing that I've learned through yoga is just being present. I don't think that I was... I've- I have a really, really, really hard time with this "What's next?
How do I get to the next thing?" And I think too, the conversation that we were having about ambition of like, and progress. But instead, if I could just like live in this present moment and be happy
acknowledge [00:56:00] and be grateful for what I already have, like
it, it does, it fills your cup
Ashton Arnold: Yeah I notice such a difference in my life when I have a consistent yoga practice versus when I don't. And I don't have one right now because my life is unbelievably chaotic, and I am in a different hotel and city every single day, and my mental health is, like, really struggling for that.
Lexi: I'm gonna give you my Peloton login.
Ashton Arnold: oh my God I need Yeah it's just
like they always say that it's like, if you're too busy to do yoga, then you need to do 10 extra minutes. like
true It's so true But presence that's a reminder.
I'm glad you said that cause, uh, I need that right now too
Lexi: We all do
Ashton Arnold: yeahI'm in a period of like a lot of, uh, uncertainty right now and really, really uncomfortable, and it is such an effort to, like, be present.
it's even more of an effort... If you're in a good place, I think it's easier to be present 'cause you don't have to work [00:57:00] as hard to be grateful.
Lexi: 100%.
Ashton Arnold: you are in
these holding patterns where it just feels like
every part of your life is like in a f- dark wormhole, you have to work so much harder to be grateful and also to be present. I think it's a good reminder just to say it right now. It's a good reminder for myself right now,
Lexi: Yes
Ashton Arnold: going through
of as woowoo as cheesy whatever you wanna put a, the la- the label on it, it's you can find something every single day. Even if it's just the fact that like every single one of your bones works and is not broken.
Lexi: Yeah.
Like
your morn- morning coffee
tasted a little bit better.
Ashton Arnold: Like
Lexi: Yeah,
had my roommate last year and one of my bestest friends, she started this, like af- this was her New Year's resolution, was to get out her journal and write down three things that she was grateful for, like every morning.
And so, like for tangible ideas, 'cause I think a lot of, a lot of what I've realized as a teacher is that we think about so much in theory and like little can [00:58:00] we relate to practice. So like thinking about putting things in a Gcal and
like,
actually tangible things that you can do to, maybe work through some of these uncomfortable moments is like writing down every morning.
And it's so simp- I mean, it's like, it's like, okay, maybe you take a minute for each one.
That's three minutes of your day. Everybody's got three minutes. Don't scroll
for, for 45. Scroll for 43.
Ashton Arnold: It's so true and those are really good points and I love 'em.
terms of kind of future you, I from a best friend perspective I'm interested to hear what you would say. But, like, the version of, let's say 23yearold Lexi when you were coming out of that first year of Spain and, after college and all of that, what advice would you tell her now, of how to handle all this uncertainty
What would be your most like poignant piece of advice for her now?
Lexi: Okay, maybe two things. Maybe three things. not necessarily to do with holding patterns, but [00:59:00] if I could talk to my younger self and, like, with the wisdom, which is not a lot, but the wisdom that I have now. maybe the first thing that I've learned through getting my Spanish master's and learning and reading Spanish literature is, like, something that's come up very, very frequently is memory and, like, how memory is not necessary- necessarily reality.
'Cause I think so many times I get, like, I get so trapped up in the past and, like, what that means for who I am and what I need to be doing.
And so I think
that that would be the first thing of,
like, memory isn't reality. It's,
like, what we create it.
Ashton Arnold: Oh, okay. I
Lexi: That has nothing to do with a holding pattern
Ashton Arnold: No, but I really like that. Yeah
Lexi: Thanks.
Read, if anybody likes reading Spanish books, Los Girasoles Ciegos is amazing. So good. it's a collection of four short stories about the Spanish Civil War. Incredible.
So, so good
Ashton Arnold: You know what? You know how we were [01:00:00]
talking about the four questions I should ask at the end
of a
I'm kind of
thinking maybe one of them should be, like, give me
one book that you recommend
Lexi: Ooh.
Ashton Arnold: this time
period, one that you recommend,
one
you kind of already gave, but we could summarize them. You said watch the
Lexi: Yes.
Ashton Arnold: that, uh,
Lexi: Last Meals, Christoph Waltz
Ashton Arnold: And the book, what's the book you just said again?
Lexi: Los Girasoles
Ciegos.
And then what was the la-
do, do yoga Yeah, do, yoga
or, call a friend
Ashton Arnold: GCal, put the put
put the G Cal invite. Maybe I- all of all of those, but I kinda like that. I just sparked my brain
Lexi: Yes. pieces of advice.
Oh my gosh, I'm helping you make meaning right now.
This is my job.
Ashton Arnold: I love you so much. Oh my gosh. Oh, well, I'm so
Equal Seekers of Sweetness
---
Ashton Arnold: happy we got to do this.
Lexi: is there any fun stories that we should say, we should share? Like one that really [01:01:00] encapsulates our friendship
Ashton Arnold: God, there's so many. Um, we didn't even talk about that we have matching tattoos.
Lexi: Oh my gosh, we do have matching tattoos. Sorry, Mom, and to anybody who's listening to this that didn't know I have a tattoo.
Ashton Arnold: Oh, well, I can cut that.
Lexi: No. Ashton and I have matching tattoos. I'm, I'm saying it with my full chest 'cause it's who I am
Ashton Arnold: She's not gonna be ashamed of it.
Lexi: Uh, no.
Ashton Arnold: what our matching tattoo is
Lexi: I was explaining this to someone the other day, and they were like, "That's too sweet."
And I was like,
Ashton Arnold: Lexi's is on her back,
Lexi: "I can't really,
Ashton Arnold: it, "
Lexi: can't really."
Ashton Arnold: it's okay. Hers...
Yeah, we can't, we "
can't really
see it.
Lexi: sorry.
Ashton Arnold: this, but it has a
hummingbird
Lexi: it's a hummingbird.
Ashton Arnold: anyone listening to the audio, 'cause
I'm probably not gonna post this video, but, um, it's, mine is on my left bicep. Lexi's is on her back, yeah, you explain it.
Lexi: So it comes from a Mary Oliver poem, which I love Mary Oliver, and she wrote this p- I forgot what the poem was called. She wrote this [01:02:00] poem,
but the first line is basically how the hummingbird and the sunflower equal seekers of sweetness, and I think that that's kind of how I see Ashton, and maybe how she sees me, too.
That's definitely how I see Ashton, is that when I am with her, she is always trying to look for, like, the light at the end of the tunnel or, like, the silver lining and, I don't know, like, the break in the clouds,
kind of. That's,
I love you, dude.
Ashton Arnold: I'm gonna cry.
Lexi: and so I think that this is, like, a dedication to our friendship, and also I would say, like, the things that we have learned
being friends together is, like, be grateful
for, for what you have,
Ashton Arnold: Yeah, well, and It's in a postage stamp because our, pretty much our whole friendship has just been built, built around travel. Like, we've seen each other more in other countries than we've ever seen each other in the US, which
Lexi: Yeah,
is
never lived in the same place either,
ever.
Ashton Arnold: [01:03:00] except for where we met
Lexi: Yeah,
Ashton Arnold: months,
Lexi: true
Ashton Arnold: Yeah, which is just testament to our friendship, too. But,
I mean, I see you that, in that way, absolutely. And I just think we, we were talking about this, I think yesterday on the phone,
traveling with you and being with you, it do- it truly doesn't matter where we are. It's like, it just feels like magic.
we create
magic when we're together. I don't know
Lexi: I think it's 'cause we're both so open. Be open with your friends. Like, be vulnerable to say the hard, weird things, and I think
Ashton Arnold: We're not afraid... Yeah, we've had some, like, tough conversation,
tough moments together, which, equals, like, the depths of our friendship too,
Lexi: is intimacy or conflict creates intimacy
Ashton Arnold: Yeah, it totally... It does, though.
Conflict absolutely creates intimacy,
and It's not conflict where we call each other names or, like,
saying mean stuff
about each other at all. It's just, like, it's conflict.
But, And we're also both, like, very impulsive,We kinda really riley, rile it
up. [01:04:00] But that's really fun, so
Lexi: Oh yeah, we are very much
like, Should we do this?
Oh, we've already done it."
Ashton Arnold: Yeah,
Anyways, um, the, the sunflower
and the hummingbird,
equal seekers of sweetness. I love you so much.
Lexi: I love you, dude.
Ashton Arnold: Live from Madrid, everybody.
Lexi: Live from Madrid, it's Saturday night. Live from Madrid, it's Friday night.
Ashton Arnold: Oh That's a shout-out to my SNL love.
Lexi: