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Lessons Learned with Komal is a place to explore life's greatest lessons. The ones we've learned, and those we are still in the process of learning. Episodes are a mix of interviews and personal reflections from Komal. Lessons Learned is a space for you to chew on life's lessons, big and small, and hear from the people we admire most in the world.
so I don't usually record my essays for audio or video
but this summer I have been contemplating bringing my podcast back
and this felt like a nice
fun way to start being on camera again
and using my voice and sharing the essays that I take time
and sometimes hours to write and edit about life
and the lessons that I'm learning
and the integrations of the education around positive psychology
ambition and coaching that I take in every day
so this is my V1 my husband
Mitch
will be so happy because he's been wanting me to do this for so long
cause he knows how much I love interviewing and podcasting
and diving into questions
and how I process so much of what I think through saying it aloud
so without further ado here's this week's essay
what if it's not procrastination
here's what a crab apple tree
and recovering from caregiving helped me understand
I heard a crabapple fall from our tree in the backyard
a soft thud accentuated the sounds around me
it was one I hadn't heard yet this year
I first met her this year in March
when I came back home from Alberta
after helping care for my father for two months
as he was airlifted from city to city
and hospital to hospital
after slipping on the ice and needing three brain surgeries
the tree was barren in March
but I noticed buds attempting to come to life
it's how I felt it's likely how my dad felt after being discharged
shortly thereafter
each of us was beginning an unplanned journey of our growth discovery
recovery blooming and eventually harvest
remembering how to bloom
as the season progressed
our apple tree bloomed more than I remember her ever blooming
so many beautiful white flowers emerged
every time I caught a glimpse of her I was in awe
I found a photo of this exact tree 6 years ago
at the top of the pandemic
she was cute but much smaller
this year she's so big she shades our entire patio
when I sit beneath her in my swing
I feel held under her canopy
and engrossed in the patterns of the woodpecker marks
that litter her trunk and branches
seeing her beauty
I felt called back to cultivating more of that beauty around me
and pulling it out of my mind
when I'm recovering from burnout
overwhelm or trauma
like I have been in a seemingly perpetual state of the last many years
I find that witnessing and creating beauty
helps calm my nervous system
in this season that meant tweaks to our outdoor space
a place we lovingly call our retreat
and redecorating my office
I wanted our spaces to feel reflective of our growth
wisdom care and ability to hold our people
our home in the summer becomes akin to a clubhouse
our friends come and go
we host various parties and gatherings to fill our senses
and bring our communities together
and to leave an imprint on this land
of the memories that will carry for decades to come
I can almost hear all the laughter and the joy and the last 8 weeks
and everything that they have held as I write this
under our crab apple tree
cut the excess
as the flowers fell from her branches
the apples started to grow
we gave her a good trim as she's grown
her bangs would hit our heads
and with that trim
she somehow stood taller just like we could beneath her
my own culling across my life was swift
unexpected but necessary
I distanced myself from relationships
where I felt I was giving more than I was receiving
stopped filling space with my need to perform and entertain
I allowed myself to do less and be less to the people who
for whatever reason
I felt a compulsive need to keep trying to shapeshift for
to get love that didn't actually exist
I called my library my wardrobe
my schedule
I called the things that had cannibalized my attention and pacified me
from the frictions of my life and my own curiosities
I noticed peace I noticed new ideas
I noticed a better understanding of my own taste for books
movies people
subject matter
and I started actually inhabiting the life I had built for myself
but never got the chance to actually enjoy
I started doing things I've longed to do for years but never did
rebuild
when I spoke to my dad yesterday for our daily touch base
he shared how he went back to the gym for the first time
and went back to the weight machines he used to visit regularly
I was smiling so big he's getting stronger
his recovery has been truly incredible to witness
I also spent the last three months in the gym
it's the upside of having a bestie
who loves fitness and wanted more fun in her routine
and of me being a bestie that's always a good time
apparently very strong
and always down to push herself past her own perceived limitations
with the right company
over a boozy brunch in the spring
my last one before abstaining to prep for our next IVF retrieval round
we decided we'd hit the gym together as regularly as we could
three months later we go together two to three times a week
occasionally with our guys
and I work out here at home too
I'm consistently lifting heavy again physically after the last 4 years
I'm getting back there mentally again too
unexpected harvest
over the spring and summer
I've grown and ripened
just as these crab apples have grown and ripened
I understand discernment better
not everything that can grow alongside you should
I've taken the time to know myself
and to let the people I choose really know me too
this season was deeply uncomfortable
where nature makes it look easy
this journey of paying attention well enough to notice who I am now
had me in a chokehold of not doing enough multiple times
even still I didn't force anything
I tried trusting the process of my life unfolding
and as I heard the thud of that crab apple this morning
I realized I was ready to drop too
back in your inbox
standing taller with more wrinkles
from experiences I've endured and the wisdom they've left behind
and with stronger roots in the life I've built
choice after choice
I have a life and life's work I truly adore
and feel ready to keep intentionally building both
and sharing them here with you
you may not love the season you're in
and might be trying to rush to the next stage
but just like nature takes its time and happens on its own time
so does our own processing
recovery and evolution
tune in and realize
what you think is procrastination may actually be ripening
how fun is that I really enjoy recording these
I hope you enjoy the photos from this week
these are from our backyard
and our beautiful crab apple tree being in full bloom
and then the crab apples growing
and this photo at the end of me on my swing under the crabapple canopy
was just a few days before I wrote this essay
I also want to share with you a prompt for the week
for you to reflect on and journal on
what changes when you realize
your ambition may be less about forcing yourself
into a future you think you should want
and more about creating the space and time to notice
what's actually ready within you to emerge
externalized ambition and goals we think we should have
versus pausing and slowing down and noticing
the things we actually want to be doing
and need to be doing in a specific season
I also want to share a little bit about the lessons Learned community
this is if you become a paid subscriber
we get to hang out and plan once a month
every month
I meet live with our paid subscribers on zoom for 75 minutes
and we plan out the next four weeks with intention
confidence and with community to help you follow through on your goals
I lead us through my monthly planning prompts
and an opening reflection prompt
to help you unwind your mind
you write reflect
and state on the page what you're committing to in your personal life
your work
and for your creativity and wellness for the next 4 weeks ahead
we commiserate and share and every month we do it again and again
again because repetition creates the change that we are looking for
repetition and accountability and support
the women in this group are ambitious
hungry for more and ready to build and
protect a life that actually reflects who they are today
the outcomes they've achieved have been amazing
and it's been such a joy to witness and watch together
I'm an expert facilitator
coach host and a very nerdy planner
and this process is what's helped me navigate a lot of life
and a lot of success over the years
and helped me survive this summer and the spring and the recovery
I've been in
want in make sure you upgrade to paid
our next session is on Monday
September 14th at twelve PM I hope I'll see you there
and thank you for listening in
if you've made it this far on audio or video
it's been such a pleasure to read this week's essay for you
audio essays
I like that I'll see you next time