How to Overcome Fear & Create a Positive Mindset

Show Notes

In this episode, Dr. Benjamin Ritter explores the concept of fearlessness and how to overcome fear to reach our full potential. He defines fearlessness as the ability to take action without being held back by doubt or lack of confidence. 

 

To manage fear, he suggests strategies such as interrupting the fear cycle and challenging our beliefs. He differentiates between healthy risk-taking and recklessness in pursuing our ambitions, highlighting the importance of self-awareness, accountability, and maintaining a positive mindset in becoming fearless. By adopting these approaches, individuals can break free from the constraints of fear and achieve their goals.

 

Chapters

 

00:00 Introduction: Unleashing Fearlessness

04:44 Differentiating Healthy Risk-Taking from Recklessness

10:48 Making the Thing You Want More Important than Fear

25:28 Fearlessness in the Workplace: Being Authentically You

32:32 Conclusion: Taking Small Steps to Overcome Fear

What is The Executive Connect Podcast?

This is the Executive Connect Podcast - a show for the new generation of leaders. Join us as we discover unconventional leadership strategies not traditionally associated with executive roles. Our guests include upper-level C-Suite executives charting new ways to grow their organizations, successful entrepreneurs changing the way the world does business, and experts and thought leaders from fields outside of Corporate America that can bring new insights into leadership, prosperity, and personal growth - all while connecting on a human level. No one has all the answers - but by building a community of open-minded and engaged leaders we hope to give you the tools you need to help you find your own path to success.

Melissa Aarskaug (00:07.884)
Welcome to the Executive Connect podcast. Did you know the average person spends four years of their life worrying? Are you one of the many people with high potential that is paralyzed by fear? Are you ready to take the next step to reach your full potential? Dr. Benjamin Ritter specializes in fear and how to harness it to lead us to our best lives. Welcome Dr. Benjamin.

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (00:41.692)
Thank you so much for having me. I was just reflecting on how I have not felt fear from a conversation or an interview in a very long time, especially if it's virtual. But in person, then I got some stories for you.

Melissa Aarskaug (01:00.044)
I love it. Well, that's a great first statement. So tell me from your perspective, what does it mean to be fearless?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (01:10.332)
To be fearless, maybe that you are not being held back from anything that you actually really want to do. It's about having no limits. It's about never doubting yourself. It's about being able to make the most of situations. And a little disclaimer, it's not about actually not doubting yourself, but it's not allowing doubt to hold you back from taking action. And so generally being fearless is that you do what you want to do without being held back by... the unknown or a lack of confidence or just anything in general. You take action.

Melissa Aarskaug (01:48.908)
Even when you're really scared, I find, you know, you mentioned in person being fearless or being fearful when you're in person. I know when I first had to speak in front of people, I was so scared. I thought I was going to shake and fall off the stage and forget all my words. And so thinking about strategies and how they help bust through fear that one may have. What strategies have you found to be the most effective in managing fear and stepping out of your. your comfort zone to bust through those fears.

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (02:23.74)
So generally interrupting the fear cycle, but I'm going to say something. It may or may not resonate with some people yet, but if it doesn't listen to it again. So when I would go like maybe speak in person at an event to do pretty regularly, and some of them are more important to me than others, and I sometimes get this response. And I think it was very similar to the response that I got when I went to get surgery for the first time at the doctor's office. I would just all of a sudden, start shaking. My legs would start shaking. My arms would start shaking. I'd be sitting there and I'm thinking to myself, I don't feel afraid. I don't, I don't feel, I don't feel like I'm not going to do this, but my body is responding to the situation that it's in. And I think it's very important to like create a distinction between is this something you're going to do, but still feel uncomfortable doing it.

and your body is just generally going to react to it. Cause there's certain things we can control and certain things that we can't control. We can control if we're taking action and going through something that we think is important to us. We can't control at times our physiological responses to fear or to something that we're uncomfortable with. And with exposure and with some other strategies, we generally can like reduce the impact of that fear, but it's important to just at least kind of distinguish between we can...

There are certain things we can do and certain things that we can't do based on just like working through things with our thoughts and interrupting the fear cycle.

So overall, fear is a feeling. And that's all it is. It's information. It's defined by your thoughts based on the fact that you believe that this thing is something that you're supposed to be afraid of. And oftentimes, we misrepresent the feelings of fear as danger instead of just defining them as an occurrence of something that's happening and just information about a situation that we want to do something about. And so the simplest thing I can say about how to manage fear is to...

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (04:25.948)
believe and accept that the threat that you feel from fear, at least that initial response needs to be challenged and you need to just double check and just go, okay, I understand this is what I think. Let's explore why that is before we decide not to take any action.

Melissa Aarskaug (04:44.428)
Yeah, that's a great, fantastic point. So how do you differentiate between actual healthy risk taking, like taking a job out of your comfort zone, from actually being reckless in pursuit of your ambitions?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (05:01.308)
Well, I'm not the one to judge if you're being reckless. And generally nobody is other than yourself or the people that your life impacts. So let's see if I cannot judge your actions. I cannot say that it's bad to be reckless or to, you know, because I have my own aversions to risk. I have my own risk preferences and the things that I feel that I'm comfortable doing, maybe things that you aren't comfortable doing. And so I kind of want to move away from this idea of how do we know if our actions are right or not? Well, how about...

Does it relate to something that you want to accomplish in your life? And do the things that you want to accomplish then relate to the values that you believe that you represent, like who you are at your core? And if so, and you're holding yourself back from those things, then that fear, you might need to question it. So generally what we want to do is take a look at our goals and take a look at our values and say, am I doing everything that I can? Am I being intentional to achieve these things? Or am I holding myself back from something?

for that we might say is fear. Like, for example, I can't tell you how many clients that I work with that are afraid for applying to certain jobs because they doubt that they're good enough. But those jobs relate very much to their own career goals. And applying for a job in itself has a very low success rate. So that action would not be serving them. And so we can look at actions like that to say, based on your career goals, based on your values of who you are and how you want to show up in the world is the thing that you're holding yourself.

Is that like, are you holding yourself back from those things?

Melissa Aarskaug (06:36.14)
So would you say that's a mindset shift with people or You know, how do you address that? So not applying for a job that continues to come up and people don't take it for example Because they don't think they're good enough or maybe they're only you know, 50 % of the way qualified is that kind of a You know, do you have to do mind shift work with them or help them? You know?

develop the skills to feel comfortable with applying for the job. Maybe the job calls for other credentials that they don't have. How do you address that for people that won't or haven't applied for jobs?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (07:16.604)
Yeah, well, everyone's different. And so that's the power of coaching. Coaching says, here's this thing you think is important. So they're like, let's say we've done a bunch of work. We've gotten clear on who you are, what you believe is important and what you're working towards. Awesome. So we have your goals. We have your values. We know it's important to you. We have clarity. Now we go, great, go work, go do it, go hold yourself accountable, go try to achieve the things that you want to achieve. And then you find out, well, a week's passed and you haven't done anything. Okay. So it's not knowing what to do that's the issue.

What else might it be? And so at times it can be, I don't believe in myself enough. I don't think I have the skills. I don't have the skills to do the thing. Maybe it's just a knowledge gap, but often it could be that your environment isn't, isn't set around yourself to serve you. And it could also just be that you're afraid. You're afraid of changing something for whatever reason. And so then depending on where you are as an, as an individual, we have to dive into those reasons and figure out what they are because generally some, if you're not doing something, something's holding you back.

and you peel back the layers until you figure out what that thing is that's holding you back. And oftentimes when I work with clients, kind of have this little quote, we've made shirts around it, it says, feel your feelings. So you're feeling something great. Instead of reacting to it, take a step back, feel whatever you're feeling, go inside your body, see where, what is your heart racing. Okay. So they just recognize those things. Don't judge them, recognize them. Now think about your thoughts. Now what are you thinking about? What is actually going on in your mind? What are all the phrases and words? And so often in fear,

We go, I'm afraid, stop, run. That's it. But instead we should go, I'm afraid, why? And then you go, why? And you go, why? And you think about your thoughts. You're feeling your feelings, thinking about your thoughts. And this is the big one. It's don't believe your beliefs, which means I'm labeling this thing as fear. This thing that is terrible. It's going to destroy my life. It's going to hurt me. I'm going to be in trouble. I'll go, hold on a second. What if that wasn't true? What if we could challenge that and say, I want to achieve this thing. What's a different belief I can choose to then make progress towards it?

And so each person, depending on the situation, we can talk about maybe even applying for jobs as an example, will require different strategies depending on what the person's struggling with.

Melissa Aarskaug (09:24.428)
Yeah, I love that. I know one of my mentors that I've had as a very young, young, I would say child, but I was eight. He would tell me, now what's the worst that could happen if you, you know, take your, you know, training wheels off your bike and you fall. Like he used to tell me all the time when I was younger to try things and go and think about what's the worst thing that could happen. And if I was comfortable with the worst thing, then I should kind of pursue whatever it was.

that I was fearful about or sliding jumping off the high board or Dive board as a kid. I'm like that's too tall What if I you know hurt myself and so I always learned that I had to consider What's the worst case scenario and going back to your example like the job? Okay, so so what if you apply and you don't get it, you know apply again What's the worst case that you applied for the job and they said no? But what's the best case you get the interview, right? So do you have?

do you and your arsenal of tools is that, you know, do you have any specific tools that you suggest people use in order to take bold actions to whatever they're trying to achieve, whether it be a job or, you know, maybe asking a girl out on a date. It could be something completely not professionally related. It could be something personally related as well.

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (10:48.54)
Yeah, what you have to do is just basically make the thing that you want and the strategy that you're going to use try to get there more important than the fears that you have. And the what's the best thing? What's the worst thing is a very good example of something that you can do. You can go. You can basically say if this thing is going to work out, like, for example, if I get selected for this job, is that more important to me? Is it going to change my life in a positive way? And is that more important?

than the discomfort I feel from potentially getting an automated rejection letter in an email. So that's a great strategy you can use. So understanding kind of what you like the understanding the actual fear, which is understanding your feelings and your thoughts and your beliefs, and then putting into perspective the thing that you potentially could achieve. So really detailing that out. Generally, we're generally when you're working through fears, if you focusing on the pillars of self leadership,

can be very impactful. So you can do exercises for creating clarity, exercises for creating confidence and exercises to make the environment around you like you're more in control of the situation that you are in. It's more, it's oriented towards whatever your goals are. And so within the situation, such as applying for jobs, I think it's a little simple, but why don't we go for it? The clarity is, okay, so does your current job allow you to live your values personally? So we've identified your values, we've explored, aligned and defined them.

Let's say no. So that's a big one right there. It's to say, okay, what I'm doing right now is not how I want to be defined in the world. That's a huge desire. But now we want to say, well, okay, so how might I want to actually achieve these values or show up in the world professionally? Well, maybe you're working at a company you don't believe in and a job that you don't believe in with a leader that is toxic and not helping you grow as an individual. Maybe you have coworkers that you don't really get along with.

Maybe the organization itself has terrible boundaries. And so then you go through, okay, what are my goals? I want to work at a place that has positive boundaries. I want to work at a place that has this and this and this. So you define your goals. And generally, if you know which way you're going, it's much easier to act in a way that aligns to that. If you don't know where you're going, this is generally what happens with people in fear. They actually have, you get stuck. You listen to the fear because the fear is a greater voice than the fog of ambiguity that you have about how you're living your life.

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (13:09.66)
So once you maybe you can do some exercises about defining your goals, your direction, what potentially is needed to actually move in that direction. Another one is just believing in yourself and confidence. So maybe you don't apply to that job because you're telling yourself on a daily basis, I'm not good enough or I don't deserve a job like that, or I'm not qualified for something like that. And if you fully believe that you're not going to take action. So then if this is what's holding you back, we go through and start doing some reframing. As you mentioned, I think you mentioned that word prior.

which is, okay, if you think you're not qualified, let's explore why you are qualified. Let's explore all the reasons why you might be a good fit for this role and bring a benefit to this organization. And then you have to then emphasize those beliefs on a daily basis through a couple of different strategies, something as simple as a post -it note, something as simple as an alarm with you speaking it to yourself. But generally when you are re -emphasizing beliefs, it needs to happen regularly and it needs to, you need to have supporting reasons or else you're not going to believe it.

And the other piece would just be control. So you're never going to apply for a job if you don't have time to apply for jobs. If you're coming home at six, seven, eight o 'clock at night from work and you're drained because of your toxic boss and you're just going to say, ah, it's what's the point? I don't have time for this. I just want to eat. I want to watch some TV and go to bed. So then control is about changing your environment to be more supportive of what you're trying to achieve. So that could be creating boundaries. It could be developing relationships. It could be hiring a coach. So depending again on what's holding you back,

would then change the strategies that we would use for the individual that's struggling. But nothing, nothing is more powerful than convincing yourself that you have nothing to be afraid of, believing, changing your frame of reference, of fear, to information instead of truth.

Melissa Aarskaug (14:53.932)
Yeah, I love two things that you said. Possibly my two favorites is being self -aware and mindful. A lot of times people, I don't think know what their values are. They think their values are one way, and they're actually the other way. So I love that you pointed that out, because you can't really get where you're going if you don't know what your values are, like you mentioned with a toxic work environment. So I think.

Some self -study is key to breaking through and becoming fearless in whatever the tasks you are trying to achieve. And what about accountability? Do you think that having an accountability partner helps people bust through some of their fears?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (15:42.972)
Anytime you can have support towards what you're trying to achieve, the more likely you are going to achieve it. If it's hiring a coach or if it's setting a deal with a friend or it's attending a group, like with the job piece, it's go to a group every single week or attend a virtual meeting with these kind of job search networks that are online. Any time that you know that someone else is counting on you, not just yourself, and you can put that extra pressure on you, you're going to be able to probably hold yourself accountable. Now, it could have the opposite effect.

where you get embarrassed and you feel too much pressure. And so you distance yourself from those relationships that sometimes you see, but then you have to work through some of the other internal struggles that we've already talked about. Cutting, you know, accountability, it's not just that it helps you stay kind of committed to your actions, but generally it also surrounds yourself with more positivity. And oftentimes when we're afraid of something, we're reinforcing that fear through negativity, through people around us that have those beliefs, those negative beliefs about us.

through our own mental conversation that we're having on a regular basis. And so if we want to help motivate ourselves to take action, we also have to make sure that we have a good cheerleading squad.

Melissa Aarskaug (16:53.26)
Absolutely. You know, it made me think of something when you said that. A lot of times I set reminders for myself in my phone. Like I'd say calendaring them for something, I calendar them to myself about something I'm working on. So holding myself accountable or something I'm fearful about doing and reminding myself to continue to take bold steps in whatever I'm fearful about.

So from your perspective, do you have a personal experience or something that you can share with our listeners about maybe something you were fearful about and you pursued and achieved?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (17:37.148)
I think I was a little bit lucky because I had a lot of disappointments early on in my career that led me to be pretty fearless. So I wanted to be a professional soccer player and you can, you know, the percent chance that that's going to occur is pretty low. But for some, some reason I got it in my head that it was something that I needed to do, that it was my purpose and my passion. And so when I lost that, I was really left without any sort of identity of self.

I didn't really spend any time developing relationships and friends. It was pretty socially awkward at the time because I was focused so much on practicing and practice like three times a day. I didn't really watch TV, didn't go drinking and getting out with people, you know, just was kind of like pretty empty when I lost that because it was where I spent my time and what I believed I needed to spend my time on. And so I was pretty afraid of everything, like literally everything. But what's so

great at that point in time is I had a choice to stay afraid. I had a choice to be no one and nothing because I had nothing to rely on anymore. I lost my crutch or figure things out. And so I decided, and this is generally what will happen with clients when I start working with them when they're in fear mode, you turn away from fear, which is I'm going to lose something. I'm in trouble. Something terrible is going to happen to me if I do this thing.

And generally because you have expectations of what the outcome is going to be. And instead you put on your little sailor's hat or, or explorer cap and you go, I'm going on an adventure. And so I, I didn't have any expectations and I just said, I'm going to explore what it means to be social. I'm going to explore what it means to be confident. I'm going to explore a variety of different jobs that exist in the world. And I'm just going to go explore life because I've held myself back so much. And if you're able to accept the role of adventurer,

explorer to say, I don't have a map. I don't know where I'm going, but that's my map. My map is I'm going to wander and find things and see how they see what they're like. And if it doesn't work out, that's awesome. I learned something new. If you can do that and put, put on that cap and go on that adventure, you will have incredible experiences and just not have fear because, because fear then can't latch on to anything because you have no outcomes or expectations. And so.

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (20:03.228)
For about four or five years, I explored life. I developed who I was, my identity, my values, myself, my relationships, my friends, et cetera. And I've had a couple of mini journeys since then after that in different segments of my life, like my professional career and such. But after that, fear doesn't exist. Fear is not something that matters because if I start feeling afraid of something, I realize that if a path doesn't work out towards a specific direction I want to go, I just pick a different path.

That's what's so fun about being an explorer.

Melissa Aarskaug (20:34.892)
I love that you said that because I usually correlate it to shoes. So you correlated it to path. I always say, man, if that shoe didn't fit, I just try on another pair. So I'm going to go with your path. That one sounds better. And I love that you've kind of trained yourself to be comfortable with changes. And I wouldn't call it fear or failure.

I would say it wasn't so much fear, it was you were just setting out, like you mentioned, on an adventure to figure out who you were and what you were good at. And I think when you take it less, I'm not sure the right word, when you take it less serious and you're less serious about it and less difficult on yourself, I think it's easier to come out and learn more about yourself and say, wow, I tried.

You know, I was a soccer player and I actually really liked tennis and I'm pretty good at tennis and I think you make a really good point unless you try it and you explore something new, you'll never know what you are good at. And through that perseverance, you're able to find more about yourself and develop yourself and build confidence to bust through that fear, to get to whatever that goal is.

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (21:59.74)
This is funny that we're talking about fear because the example I'm going to use is about the book that I'm releasing this year called Becoming Fearless. And so to sort of publish a book, you query agents. Like you can self publish, you can hybrid publish, or you can find an agent that wants to sell your book to a publisher. And I was talking to someone the other day, like a publicist, and like, what stage are you in? I'm like, oh, I'm querying agents right now.

And I remember a piece of advice I received when I was sending out initial kind of queries to agents in the past. And it was, you haven't sent out enough requests until you can wallpaper your room and rejection letters. And I have 176 queries out right now. And I heard back no from a couple, but I also heard back a yes from today for more information. And life is like that. And applying for jobs is like that. I don't.

I don't care how many people say no, how many automated rejections I get. And I was on a phone with a client this morning and they were getting a little discouraged. And I say 99 % of the applications you send out are going to be no, because you're going to take one job and maybe some other ones you have some interviews for, but that's just the game you're playing. And the no's just mean you're getting closer to a yes. And this is a huge, it's like a huge sales advice too. It's every person you say no, you're eventually going to get a yes, but count how many no's it takes to get to a yes.

Because then as you're counting the no's, you're eventually going to get to the number where you get a yes. And the same is the same thing with life. It's the no's to show that you are actually taking action, that you're facing your fear. And if you're learning from those no's, if they're worth learning from, because a lot of the no's are just, it's just a data point. It generally doesn't have any sort of actual information you can take from it.

But eventually, if you keep going and you know it's going to work, you're going to get to your yes.

Melissa Aarskaug (23:48.876)
Yeah.

Melissa Aarskaug (23:52.588)
There's another point, fantastic nugget that you mentioned in there. I think it's your attitude, right? So if you have a hundred people reject you for a job, but you're only gonna take one job, so through the 99 rejections, what are you learning through the process? Who are you becoming? And those first 10 jobs that rejected you, maybe you decided, gosh, I'm not sure if I wanna be in that industry anymore. If I have to go through 20 interviews to...

you know, to get a job and, and, you know, rigorous things. I know some people have had many long interview processes and, you know, they've come out of that process saying, you know, I don't know if I want to work for an organization that it, you know, takes a year to get a job and 20 interview processes. And so I think you made two fantastic points. It's, it's what you learn through your process, through the process of, you know, rejection, if that's the right word, and then who you become and your

Attitude I think is another you know when you have your your mindset on being a professional soccer player And that's all your energy all your time Your entire being is in being that person and then all of a sudden you have to pivot You know you could have chose to two things you know to lay around and kind of feel sorry for yourself and realize your dreams and your life is over or you could really grab those reins get back on that horse

Go figure out who you are, what you're good at, and put it out there to the world. And I think that those are fantastic points that you've made through your journey through fear, being fearless.

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (25:28.828)
And just want to comment on also being an executive leader, cause I know we probably have some executive leaders listening and I work with a lot of emerging leaders. I work with a lot of kind of directors and VPs, people that are being considered for greater leadership positions. And I can't tell you how many of them be like, they accepted the role that they think they are based on their job title instead of act.

through kind of like the skills that they utilize, the skills that they have. So someone sitting in a meeting, not talking, not engaging, because they think it's not their topic or not their place, but they have goals of continuing growing in the organization, developing relationships, solidifying an executive brand. But for some reason, they've allowed themselves to be boxed in. And being fearless relates to just, are you showing up in a way that is authentically you?

and not a way that someone or some something that you believe you need to be. And in those moments, what's wrong with speaking up, challenging an executive's opinion, sharing your own calling on someone because they haven't been talking that much. And I think often we just because of fear or because of whatever beliefs we have, we stop being, we stop being the person that we know we want to be.

or are, and I hope, and you know, in terms of strategies, you could start small and say, okay, every meeting I'm gonna just make one comment or every meeting I'm going to ask one question. And, but you eventually start, you start kind of building momentum towards the actual executive brand or person that you want to be within the professional environment in your life.

Melissa Aarskaug (27:15.148)
I love that. I think that's another great nugget is holding yourself accountable. Okay, I have this call with all the senior leaders and I need to speak up about something, whatever it is and holding yourself accountable to do that is really key. And if you're in that role, there's a reason you're in that role and it's to grow that organization's business. And so leaning into that and...

and having an opinion is key, right? Or speaking up when they call on you. Or if not, speaking up about something you're passionate about, I think is fantastic advice.

Just kind of a couple, you know, we all have setbacks in our journey, you know, on this earth and we all have things that are out of our control and that have set us back or pushed us forward. I guess in closing, any top three takeaways for our listeners on what they can do today to become fearless or maybe any nuggets from your upcoming book you want to share.

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (28:24.284)
Yeah, well, first off, as I was thinking about this, as we were kind of hashing out that speaking up in a meeting kind of situation, we often get discouraged because we have a picture of who we want to be. And then we have the reality of who we are and who we are today is struggling with fear. Who we want to be is maybe this like person that's, you know, at a podium leading an all hands meeting across an organization. Well,

Maybe we just need to change our picture of like who we, who we think we need to be today. And so if you're struggling with fear and public speaking, well, asking that one question can be a huge win, no matter if your voice trembled or you thought that it did, or jumping in a meeting and, you know, sharing a comment in a, in the chat box with your video off is still a win. And so how do we just kind of alter our expectations a little bit and realize that dealing with fear and changing our beliefs and feeling comfortable in different situations is not something that happens.

overnight. It's something even my own journey, four to five years, that was not an understatement. And I was still, I had still other experiences after that where I was learning how to deal with certain aspects of fear. So we have to give ourselves a little bit of grace and then make sure that we understand that the path moving forwards has milestones. It has objectives. It has summits. It's not just all of a sudden you get transported into this idealistic version of who you are without fear.

Melissa Aarskaug (29:48.268)
I love it. You know, it made me think when you said speaking. I remember the first time I spoke, Dr. Benjamin, I had to start my speech with my back to the audience because I was literally trembling and I had the microphone and I turned my back to the audience and I said something. I forget to this day what I said to them and I turned back around and they started clapping for me and I think that...

that changed speaking for me. And because I was scared out of my mind to speak, even in a room with two people, nevertheless, this room had 50 people. But like you said, you have to push yourself a little bit and set goals and objections and really hold yourself accountable for who you want to become.

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (30:42.076)
Yeah. And that, that honestly is the key is knowing who you want to become, knowing what you really want to achieve. And I, and often the things that we say we want to achieve have not really been defined that thoroughly in our mind. And if a goal is just a little bit flexible or there's cracks in it and you think you have to do all or nothing to make it work, it's never going to happen. So I'd say,

Give yourself, figure out what those small steps are, but even before that, really create a picture of what you are working towards and why you're working towards it. And make sure that it's something that you truly want. Because often we just have a bunch of things on our to -do list or our, let's not be afraid in lists that don't really matter to us. Because life itself is still comfortable. And we have to find, we have to find what is going to make us the most uncomfortable to help us really actually create finally that real desire and accountability to change.

Melissa Aarskaug (31:42.38)
Yeah, I'll give a plug to one of my favorites, Michael Jordan. I watched his biography and read some information about him on how he visualized for years and years and years making a basket and shooting baskets and doing the same thing and doing the same thing. But he spent a lot of time visualizing who he was and what he was becoming, even more so than he did actually throwing the basket.

And so I think that's a fantastic point is who do you want to become and what do you want to do and what are your values? And if you're not living, you know, I like to say your best life, it's up to you to make those changes and to persevere through that fear.

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (32:28.7)
and no one else is going to do it for you.

Even if you hire a coach, the person still can't do the work for you. They can do some of the things. But you're ultimately the one responsible. It might sound really simple, it's not easy, but it just has to come from a decision from you first.

Melissa Aarskaug (32:32.332)
Yep.

Melissa Aarskaug (32:50.444)
Yeah, absolutely. So now that I know that you're launching a book, that's great news. Congratulations. I love it. Any insider tips you want to tell us about this book or maybe teasers of what we could expect for your book?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (33:09.468)
Yeah, it's about, I think it's about 60 ish or 70 ish different tips related to becoming fearless that split into personal and professional. In the personal section, we cover things like mindset, overall your success, relationships, and then purpose, because purpose played a pretty big role in my life, especially in relationship to fear. And then the professional section, we cover job satisfaction, leadership presence, and career growth.

And in general, I thought these were kind of all the areas that fear tended to hold us back. And it covers a lot of the stuff we discussed today, but gives a little bit more kind of to do's and action items that you can use to start working towards this fear. I mean, there's even one in there about engage in meetings and like make the most of your meetings. It was kind of talked about today, which is one of the greatest mistakes that I see people make in the professional world. So they want to grow in their career. They want to make a difference. They want to be seen as an executive and they just stay quiet.

and they multitask or they're afraid of sharing their ideas when it's really the best place for people to actually get eyes on your talent and your skills.

Melissa Aarskaug (34:20.428)
He has a platform for you to share your, cause nobody's going to advocate for you. Maybe you have a boss that advocates for you, but sometimes you got to self advocate and share what you know so people know that you know. Otherwise you might get in a situation where people are either sharing your ideas and your strategies and they're getting the promotion as opposed to you getting the promotion. And so I love that and I'm shocked that so many.

executive leaders are fearful to apply for the jobs and speak up because they're in that role for a reason, right? To lead teams and strategies and businesses forward and whatever its mission is.

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (35:05.66)
It's pretty incredible. We, we tend to be our worst enemy in the workplace. I mean, I worked with leaders that also they're so checked out. They're so resentful of maybe their manager or leader or don't feel recognized enough that they just stopped taking pride in their work too. So what do you think happens when someone doesn't feel that they're in the right job and stops showing up and not, and doesn't take pride in their work themselves? So it just kind of builds on the cycle of negativity when it comes to work and takes away from their ability to actually feel satisfied at work.

Or they're so, they can't say no, they have no boundaries because they're afraid of what it means for their potential job security and their livelihood. So they do everything, but because they're doing everything, they're exhausted, they're drained and start making mistakes. And so guess what happens? And so fear in itself has so many negative implications when it comes to our success in the professional work environment, not just our personal life.

Melissa Aarskaug (35:57.516)
Oh, that's so good. I think our listeners are going to definitely love to hear some of the nuggets you gave us. Any closing thoughts or anything that we haven't touched on as it pertains to fearlessness that you want to share with the listeners?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter (36:13.82)
We try to change our whole life at once. I'm so unhappy with all these things, but each one of the things that we want to change if we're not doing it has some semblance of fear attached to it. And so you can choose to attack a little tiny bit of fear or all the fear at once. And you're going to be much more successful if you choose a little tiny bit of fear. So pick one small thing you want to take some action on.

practice. Practice what it feels like to explore your thoughts and to feel your feelings and to question your beliefs around it. Write stuff down. Be your greatest champion within this area and take a small action that's going to prove that you have nothing to be afraid of.

Melissa Aarskaug (36:52.012)
That's great. I love it. That's great advice. Dr. Benjamin, thank you so much for sharing your insights and your time with our listeners. Connect with Dr. Benjamin, get his book. I can't wait to get it myself. And that's the Executive Connect podcast. Thank you.