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Welcome to The NICU Translated Podcast, where we break down the complex world of the NICU into clear, relatable insights for families and the professionals who support them. Hosted by Mary Farrelly—a certified NICU nurse, doula, and educator—this podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the NICU with confidence and compassion.
Whether you’re a doula looking to better support NICU families, a healthcare professional seeking deeper understanding, or a parent preparing for or living through a NICU journey, you’ll find actionable tips, evidence-based guidance, and heartfelt stories to inspire and empower you.
Each week, we’ll explore topics like:
-NICU 101: Terms, diagnoses, and medical equipment explained.
-Preemie care basics and developmental milestones.
-How to advocate for your NICU baby with confidence.
-Emotional and trauma-informed support for NICU families.
-Insights from NICU professionals and families who’ve been there.
With episodes featuring expert advice, list-style guides, and real-life interviews, The NICU Translated Podcast is here to equip you with the tools and knowledge to make the NICU journey less overwhelming and more empowering.
Subscribe now and join our community dedicated to bringing more joy and less trauma to the NICU experience—because the NICU is only the beginning.
Let’s navigate this journey together.
Mary Farrelly (00:00)
it can be incredibly overwhelming to figure out all of this.
tangled web of post-NICU support. So the fact that you are starting to offer this service to help families navigate and figure out this piece of the puzzle is such a gift because it is incredibly complex to kind of go through the different systems, think them through, and be constantly tweaking. It's almost like you're making a recipe and you're adding a little bit in here and be like, we need to take this away here. And you're stirring the pot and trying again, tasting the soup and be like, quite right. And that's okay.
Shayna Abraham (00:30)
Yeah
Mary Farrelly (00:32)
the recipe right on the very first try. But, so say you have a provider or a service or somebody that you've realized you've trusted your gut, you've had that conversation with yourself, your partner, you've kind of thought through your options and you're like, okay, we don't want this person or this service on our team anymore.
Hi everybody, welcome to this next episode of the NICU Translated Podcast. Today I have another super exciting guest on the show, Ms. Shayna and she is going to talk to us about both her NICU journey and her experience as one of the recent cohort graduates of NICU Doula Academy and all the incredible work she's gonna be doing with supporting NICU families
I'm so excited to have you here today, Shayna
Shayna Abraham (01:50)
I'm excited to be here.
Mary Farrelly (01:52)
So let's just start maybe at a little piece of your, who you are and your NICU story and kind of like what brought us together and recording this podcast today.
Shayna Abraham (02:04)
So my daughter Charlie was born at 29 weeks, four days. So we got entered into this very special club of folks, very surprisingly. And we had no idea what this journey was going to look like. We spent all of the holiday season in the NICU. We had 112 days between two NICUs, a level
three and level four NICU. I didn't even know there were levels of NICUs, much less that we were gonna get to transition between them. And as a result of that extended stay, we also met over 200 nurses in the NICU. We met, I don't know, countless doctors, specialists. And what I really began to learn about this journey was not only did I
have no idea what we were getting into, but really the journey doesn't end when you leave the NICU. It's just beginning. Professionally, for the last 20-so years, I have worked with families to help them create plans when adolescents and young adults aren't thriving. And so I had a lot of skills around case management, advocacy.
working in difficult situations, working with lot of different types of specialists. And so when Charlie entered this world, those skills kicked in almost immediately. And so one of the pieces that I had really kind of figured out relatively early on is that my role is going to be as her advocate.
And so that brought me to finding everything I could about how do I do this both effectively, efficiently, and also from place of being educated. And so I have a master's degree in counseling psychology. I also had the amazing fortune through actually a post that you had made on the Goalgetters site on Facebook.
To find Mary's NICU Dula program and I am so beyond grateful for that because it gave me some of the education piece that I felt like I was lacking in my own journey. And from that I have created Beyond the NICU, which is support for families in that first year after they discharge out of the NICU because what we have found in our journey is in the NICU everything comes to you.
and everybody is right there and you're kind of in this fishbowl, which is fantastic and helpful. And not to say without challenge, there are definite challenges. But when you're home and you're by yourself and you are sitting there and ruminating on all of these decisions that you are supposed to know how to make, that's where I felt just completely alone. And so wanted to create something for families so that they have the support that they need.
in that first year post discharge.
Mary Farrelly (04:57)
So first of all, I think it's so funny that you remembered that Jenna Kutcher, podcast host herself, brought us together inadvertently. That's so funny. I remember that, making that first connection. that's just one of those beautiful things that social media gets a bad rap for sure. But the...
Shayna Abraham (05:02)
Hahaha!
Mary Farrelly (05:16)
potential community that I can build even through my own experience on Instagram and on Facebook all these like little micro connections on the webs that we build online is Really? You don't even realize that they're forming these incredible relationships and it's so exciting So with your work as a NICU Doula on the new program that you're offering tell me a little bit about how you are envisioning marrying your own lived NICU experience and your
are already incredible thick deep background in advocacy and support and coaching families through difficult transitions. What is your vision for this work?
Shayna Abraham (05:55)
So really what I'm looking at is how to support a family as they're building their team, as they are figuring out their schedules and the bumps in the road, as they are navigating natural transitions that are going to occur. For example, when you leave, when we left the NICU, we were given a sheet of paper that had 15 appointments scheduled for us.
I was immensely grateful for the fact that somebody took the time and scheduled those appointments. The downside was they didn't consult me or my schedule. They didn't consult the reality of the driving distance. We are located in the San Francisco Bay area and traffic is a real thing. So there are traffic patterns that weren't considered. There was, there were no preferences.
that we were asked for. And so those are the type of decision points that I really want to help families know how to navigate because I felt as though they did this great service for us and I don't want to look ungrateful or not appreciate the work that somebody else put in. The flip side was for us going into San Francisco is
a minimum of an hour each way. So when seven of those appointments were in San Francisco on different days at different times with a baby who did not at that point enjoy being in a car, that was a lot of effort to do when we had options that were no joke, four blocks from our house. So these, it's a huge difference. It's a huge difference. And
Mary Farrelly (07:22)
That means a big difference.
Shayna Abraham (07:27)
At the point that we were leaving the NICU, I had no way of understanding that I could ask for that. That I could advocate for, is there somebody closer to my home? Is there a way that we can make this work? The other thing that we found is there's a lot of systems that we got entered into by way of having a preemie. And understanding and navigating those systems has become, I wouldn't say a full-time job. It's a part-time job though.
to know which of those services are going to pay for which of her services. And when you have, which we've had now a handful of times, a mismatch in service providers and understanding how do you kindly, but forcefully let go of somebody. That has become a skillset that I have mastered in a way that I never thought possible.
first time that I knew just from my own gut experience that one of our providers was not a good fit for me or for Charlie. She had definitely gone rogue. She was bringing in skills that were way, way developmentally beyond where Charlie was at and then frustrated that she wasn't doing them. And it was just kind of this wild situation. She would come late. She would lie about.
when she was there, when she wasn't there. It was just very clear to me we were not a good match for each other. And we had a neurology appointment and our neurologist, I mean, it was so simple, but it was so powerful. Our neurologist just simply said to me, do you feel like you need her on your team?
And in that moment, I mean, it wasn't even like a thought in my head. The absolute truth was no. But at that point, I didn't realize that we could say that. In retrospect, I kind of laugh about it it feels like obvious that if somebody isn't serving you, your family or your child, that you would let them go.
Mary Farrelly (09:04)
Mm-hmm. ⁓
Shayna Abraham (09:23)
the way the system is set up and having people who are trained medically who are authorities in working with these infants, it didn't feel obvious. And so those are some of the examples of the moments where I want to help empower families to make the choices that are most appropriate for them and for their babies.
Mary Farrelly (09:43)
I love that. I feel like the there is this feeling in this culture almost as like sometimes as women that we have this like people pleasing tendency. We don't want to be the troublemaker. We don't want to cause a problem. We kind of want to trust authority to a certain extent. This is very generalization. But I feel like especially when you have a baby that is another person that you are now the voice for as a parent, it can be really hard to navigate those relationships and
even sometimes that provider might be really really nice you might really like them as a person but you might not mesh with how they're structuring the medical advice or as you said like the realistic expectations or just how they practice medicine. medicine and healthcare is just filled with people taking care of people and people of different personalities, background, biases, experiences, all the things that they're all bringing to
Health care that they are delivering whether that is inpatient in the NICU setting or outpatient and beyond so what in your opinion are some signs of like what's a ⁓ good provider? What are those like we can go into like what are the the things that you look for that maybe? Trusting your gut that it's not a good fit But what are some things that families especially should look for when they're trying to add people to their care team?
Shayna Abraham (10:53)
.
I think first and foremost, somebody that you connect with, somebody that you trust, somebody that when you're talking about your most vulnerable moments, you feel like they are going to support you, listen, hear you without judgment.
hands down, that's the most important. For us, one of the things has been, I do a ton of research and find all of these different modalities, or I might find, Charlie has cerebral palsy. And so I have found different 3D printed chairs and kind of just newer technology than what is generally
accepted or what is generally kind of recommended. And having a care provider that doesn't think, my gosh, here's that, you know, pain in the butt mom again, but really willing to explore has been really truly what I needed. Somebody that I can join with somebody that's not judgmental. The other piece is not all days are good days.
Mary Farrelly (12:05)
Mm-hmm.
Shayna Abraham (12:05)
and to find a team that can support you on those days that are.
Hard is critical.
Mary Farrelly (12:11)
Yeah, they're really a true partner. In a relationship that doesn't feel good, it usually has that feeling of you're being steamrolled or you don't have a voice or your opinion doesn't count or you're, you you are labeled in your head, whether it's explicit or implicit that you are that difficult mom or the patient, why can't they just, you know, follow these point blank recommendations?
But those the true magic in medicine is collaboration and mutual respect whether it's with a family whether it's it's a doula whether with it with it's with another health care provider like a doctor and a nurse having a conversation everyone brings their own lens their own experience and Together that's when the most powerful Magic in medicine happens. That's when those those breakthroughs are happening in
The provider is hearing, hey, I didn't know about this new product, this new procedure. I'm humble enough to accept that I don't know everything right now, but I'm excited to learn from you as a parent too. those are green flags, shining bright green flags in bringing those people in because they are entering a really vulnerable part of your life. There is this trust there that really, as you said, has to be there. Otherwise, you as a parent just will never be able to
Shayna Abraham (13:16)
you
Mary Farrelly (13:30)
feel safe and safety is a fundamental need of all humans. is, it's as the parent you need to feel safe and as a parent in your own care and your own experience and you have to feel safe in your child's care as well too. So you mentioned that
There are unicorn providers like this and they are out there most people as we've we've talked about this before Most people go into healthcare medicine to do good like people want to Help people they want to change lives. They want to save lives But not everybody is going to be a good fit and you know, everybody's personalities are different So and we always want to assume positive intent, but sometimes it's just not a good fit So you mentioned some of the kind of red flags before but are there any other things that
Shayna Abraham (13:51)
Absolutely.
Mary Farrelly (14:16)
you can say to a family that like might help them trust their gut feeling that this person or provider or team or even facility is not a good fit for them and their child.
Shayna Abraham (14:27)
I think before I answer that, there's one other critical piece about green flags, and that's watching your kid.
Mary Farrelly (14:32)
Yes,
Right.
Shayna Abraham (14:34)
Because our first neurologist, who is somebody I love dearly.
the first outpatient visit we had with her, she literally laid down on the table with my daughter and was at her level, was just talking to her. It's a picture that I had, I mean, literally we took a picture because it was so moving. But watching how your child responds, that's going to tell you everything you need to know. If that aligns with your gut?
you have the unicorn. absolutely hold on to that person.
Mary Farrelly (15:06)
I love that babies know they know they don't have lived experiences and biases. are pure unfiltered love and intuition. I feel like puppies and babies, they just know whether you're a safe person or not. I think trusting their opinion and you know, it's their health care too. So I think that that is an incredibly valid way to assess.
Shayna Abraham (15:10)
Yeah
Absolutely.
Mary Farrelly (15:32)
whether that person is the right fit for you too. And if you are a healthcare provider listening to this podcast, even just thinking through like it is those little moments of connection. We're all super busy. There's boxes that need to be checked. There's charts that need to be filled out. But it's those human connections that the pauses and where you're really just being a person and not a medical provider first, a human first and then a person that's.
whole point, right? Like that's why we do what we do and there's nothing better than those moments. So in turn...
Shayna Abraham (15:59)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think it also
goes right into the red flats because there's like a handful and I want to be clear, when we met with over 200 nurses in the NICU, there's only a handful that I was like, please, can we have somebody else? There was a doctor in the NICU and I swear he was afraid of Charlie.
Mary Farrelly (16:08)
Yup.
Shayna Abraham (16:29)
You could just sense it when he walked in the room. He was timid. He would walk up to her. She would have a response. It was typically not warm and loving. he would almost like you could almost see him like getting anxious. And, you know, it's those responses that also tell me long term, you are not somebody that we need to be part of our team.
Mary Farrelly (16:49)
Mm-hmm.
Shayna Abraham (16:49)
If a provider tells you you are not a good fit, trust that. So an example of that for us was Charlie has a VP shunt. She had a revision surgery. She was over, it was, we had been out of the NICU for, I don't know, six or eight months at that point and went into the PICU. We were in a different hospital that we were less familiar with. And the nurse that was assigned to her post-op
told us she didn't like babies. As you're caring for my one and a half year old baby. And I knew in that moment, I was like, no, you don't get to stay with her. I went to the charge nurse. I let her know this isn't somebody who wants to work with babies. I appreciate that you are in a bind because you only have so many nurses that can be assigned in different directions. But please make that change.
Mary Farrelly (17:18)
Hmm.
Baby.
Thank
Shayna Abraham (17:39)
So it's taking things at face value is important.
Mary Farrelly (17:42)
Mm-hmm.
Shayna Abraham (17:42)
If your intuition is telling you this isn't a good fit, it doesn't matter what the reason is, you don't need to justify it. It's not a good fit and that's okay. I think the other piece is asking what the solutions can be. So even in an outpatient setting, Charlie has appointments five days a week. There's a reality of navigating times that she needs to sleep.
Mary Farrelly (17:50)
Mm-hmm.
Shayna Abraham (18:05)
that she needs to be in transit because not all of these appointments are in our home, where we need to be, how we need to do these things, and I want her to have a joyful life. So thinking about what actually works for your schedule and your family is as important as the schedule of your provider. Now, we have exceptions to that, right? Our neurosurgeon, when he tells me he has availability, we take it because I don't know when the next time.
Mary Farrelly (18:14)
Mm-hmm.
Shayna Abraham (18:31)
will be able to get on his schedule is. But for weekly appointments, for routine appointments, I will advocate for things that work around her nap schedule. I will advocate for things that work around our schedules and other things that just are part of our lives. ⁓ I think the other piece is really looking at, and this is, we're in a time where this is ever changing.
Mary Farrelly (18:46)
you.
Shayna Abraham (18:55)
Looking at what your funding sources are has to be a reality, especially when you have as many different providers and different systems as there are in many states. And so if something doesn't work for you or your family from a financial perspective, asking what your options are. Can you look at a different provider? Can you look at a different system? Is there something that is covered by insurance or
whatever additional supports in your state there might be because it gets really expensive really quickly.
And I think making it work, you know, sometimes that means saying no to a service. If you don't feel your child needs it, and that has come up for us as well, we have a person who is kind of a, title is infant developmental specialist, which initially I was like, I don't know what that means, but I'll take all the help I can get. So we, we tried and.
Mary Farrelly (19:34)
Mm-hmm.
Right.
Shayna Abraham (19:54)
This person was kind of the generalist on our team to make sure that we were implementing things in our home to support all of the various therapies that she was receiving. Except, like I mentioned before, they went rogue and they had their own agenda. They had not read any of her treatment plans. They had not read any of the documentation. And I get it. There's a lot, but it's there for a reason. And so it really didn't serve us.
Mary Farrelly (20:14)
Mm-hmm.
Shayna Abraham (20:19)
And it sure as heck didn't serve Charlie to have another hour of this in the week. And so when those situations arise, it's okay to say no. It's also okay to say not right now.
Mary Farrelly (20:33)
Right, you don't need to have, do, I mean, it's nothing is forever. I feel like sometimes when we say yes to something, we feel like we can never say no, or vice versa if we say no to something and then we realize in a little bit, maybe I do want that service. You can have that, you can renegotiate and have it back too. families are, it can be incredibly overwhelming to figure out all of this.
tangled web of post-NICU support. So the fact that you are starting to offer this service to help families navigate and figure out this piece of the puzzle is such a gift because it is incredibly complex to kind of go through the different systems, think them through, and be constantly tweaking. It's almost like you're making a recipe and you're adding a little bit in here and be like, we need to take this away here. And you're stirring the pot and trying again, tasting the soup and be like, quite right. And that's okay.
Shayna Abraham (21:21)
Yeah
Mary Farrelly (21:24)
the recipe right on the very first try. But, so say you have a provider or a service or somebody that you've realized you've trusted your gut, you've had that conversation with yourself, your partner, you've kind of thought through your options and you're like, okay, we don't want this person or this service on our team anymore. That's scary to have that conversation. It feels like you're literally breaking up with somebody and I know.
It can be hard even, you know, those middle school relationships and you're like, you don't want to break out with somebody. You want to like kind of be like, how about they break up with me? I'll just be like really annoying or I'll ghost them and I'll
Shayna Abraham (21:57)
You
Mary Farrelly (21:58)
just like kind of disappear. So I don't have to have that conversation. But what are your thoughts and suggestions for families to have a conversation from a place of advocacy and respect, but still have those kind of touchy conversations that literally might need to break up with a care team or a care provider?
Shayna Abraham (22:17)
I think it's important to be direct, to be kind, but to be direct, to go to that person and share, I don't think this is working. You can get as detailed or not as you feel comfortable. For us, part of the other piece is in navigating the system component. I have needed to go to the person, to the agency that person is from, and to our
case manager as well.
I have always gone to the person directly first and then gone up the chain of command so that there aren't any surprises. I think it's important. think for us, it's been scary. mean, you're talking to a person that if this was not my child, it would be, I think, a very different story. I am able to advocate for my clients and have for a long time.
But when it came to Charlie, it was like, I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. How come I have to do this? Is there somebody else I can outsource this to? don't like, you know, I agree with you. I am a people pleaser by nature. want to make, I want to find solutions. ⁓ but I think where it came down to was the discomfort of sitting with this every single week was more than I could bear. and.
Mary Farrelly (23:04)
Mm-hmm.
I don't wanna!
Mm-hmm
Shayna Abraham (23:28)
It was getting to a place of almost resentment for somebody wasting not even my time, but Charlie's time. It's like she would be better served doing anything else. So that was where I felt really strongly of just saying to this person, and I'm picking out one example, but we've actually had this happen with two different people in that same role. The second one.
Mary Farrelly (23:31)
Mm-hmm.
break.
Shayna Abraham (23:50)
specialized in autism, which Charlie has never been diagnosed with. And so it was a much shorter timeframe because it ⁓ was later in the time that we had had this team and everything and knew some of our her diagnoses. So it became clear to me when this person said, I just graduated college. I am really interested in working with kids with autism. And I have zero experience working with
Mary Farrelly (23:57)
Mm-hmm.
Shayna Abraham (24:15)
Charlie's diagnoses with hydrocephalus and with CP. And so I did give her two sessions because I wanted to see, you know, am I missing something? Is there some reason that this person has a skill set that we do need? But then I went to her directly and said, I don't think this is a fit. You have shared with me that your interest is working with kids with autism that doesn't fit for our family. And
Mary Farrelly (24:24)
Mm-hmm.
Shayna Abraham (24:40)
I didn't say it quite like this, the gist was, I'm educating you about cerebral policy, and that's not my role.
Mary Farrelly (24:46)
Right.
Shayna Abraham (24:47)
So in those scenarios where as the parent, are the expert, it also becomes really crystal clear that if you are looking to learn from this person or collaborate with them and they don't have the expertise, that's another one of those red flags to say, not for me in this time, because as a parent, you only have so much time and energy and educating
Mary Farrelly (25:07)
Mm-hmm.
Shayna Abraham (25:10)
somebody that is supposed to be coming in to help support you and your family. If that's not in that energy sphere for you, then I would say that's another one of those like, ⁓ it's time to say goodbye. As far as the systematic piece of it, I think this is another piece to know as you're getting set up with various systems and providers. Asking them, what are the protocols if we
need to change providers for whatever reason so that you're doing it the right way to ensure that you have payment covered.
Mary Farrelly (25:35)
Mm-hmm. ⁓
Brave.
Shayna Abraham (25:41)
So we just learned, Charlie, Charlie gets respite care and we are allowed to have two providers of our choosing every calendar year. But I happen to have a third person who wants to be a respite provider, which I'm super grateful for. But when I called the company that, they do all of the payment and everything for that, they said that we get two per year.
That was news to me. And so this is another one of those things just to have some knowledge about as you're setting up your home plan and to understand, okay, well, if I do have a third provider, what is that cost that you're telling me that I'm going to assume? In this case, it was $75. Totally worth it to have somebody else set up as a backup provider.
Mary Farrelly (26:23)
I feel like oftentimes in these scenarios, one of the things we talked about in NICU doula Academy and you talk about in birth and duel the world is that BRAIN acronym. So anytime you're making decisions in the NICU and after the NICU, you really sometimes have to feed it through the brain. So B being benefits, like what are the benefits of staying with this provider? Is it going to cost too much to break up with them?
Are we maybe like gonna give them another day or two? Maybe they were having a bad day and we need to have another trial period. Maybe it is a conversation of expectations of what you're hoping to get out of it versus what their thoughts are. Maybe there was a mismatch and maybe there is hope for getting through and evolving that relationship and growing into a different type of connection. Maybe it was truly misunderstanding or risk. As you said, there's so much time in the day. The risk of staying with a provider that is not a good foot is time, energy, money.
Time away from the the non-medical side of your life where you're just interacting and having fun and being like a family and a kid or Wasting time that you would be otherwise spending with a different provider who might have a different perspective Even just going through those first two steps a being what are the alternatives are they gonna are there other? Approaches that we could look at is there a different provider within this same practice could we do a different time of day or whatever it is I being that intuition like what does your gut say is this truly not a good fit because we
can also sometimes with those early acronyms talk ourselves out of our gut and be like it's not that bad it's fine we can make it work and sometimes there's some merit to there but truly if your gut says this is not a good fit it's it's time to go and I do I love that you also mentioned especially when you're talking about again people taking care of people having a conversation directly with that person rather than them going like not saying anything to them and then going to their supervisor and then having them switch
like that it never that doesn't feel good you don't want to blindside someone people really want to sometimes hopefully learn from why they're not a good fit it may be evolve in their own care practice for a future patient or client so having that conversation whether it's short or brief and sometimes I'll even say you know like thank you so much for your time I really respect your opinion and thoughts I always make sure that I get a second opinion or I just really don't think we're a great fit for right now and I just want to let you know that we're gonna
to
be exploring other paths or opportunities or whatever it is. You don't have to be like, you know, you can if there's like real grievances you can and should if you feel comfortable saying specifically like, you know, you're always late or I feel like you maybe didn't xyz path that I said or whatever it is clear feedback is always going to be
better in the long run, even if it feels a little squishy to say those words out loud sometimes. But it's a muscle that advocacy and the conflict navigation muscle is very real. And the more you use it, it becomes easier and easier to do. And it doesn't have to be that you're, you know, looking for trouble. It just means that you're trying to find that right recipe of who's on your care team, because everybody's time is valuable and especially your child's time.
So when you are looking to build a support team too, what advice do you have for families that are maybe right at discharge, they literally got out, they're looking at those 15 appointments on their list, what is the one next thing, what's the first thing that you think that they should do or think about as they're sitting home with their appointment list and their brand new baby and are like, eek, now what?
Shayna Abraham (29:56)
Breathe. Yeah. I think it's understanding what is the cadence of those appointments to.
Mary Farrelly (29:58)
Breathe.
Shayna Abraham (30:03)
Because I had no idea when we left the NICU it felt like we're gonna be seeing these people every day because that's what was happening in the NICU and that felt completely just overwhelming. And so I really had to break it down to even day by day, what are we doing today? What are we doing this week? I tried really hard not to get ahead of myself with it.
Mary Farrelly (30:20)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Shayna Abraham (30:29)
I
wasn't thinking, well, where are we going to be a year down the road? Also prioritizing who were the critical people on your team. So for Charlie, she's a neurology baby. All of our key critical folks are neurology, neurosurgery. We had GI, we had nutrition, we had, you know, PT, OT.
Mary Farrelly (30:37)
Mm-hmm.
Shayna Abraham (30:52)
I can even, you I can keep going with our list. But those were our key people. And so those were the appointments that I really prioritized was, okay, we need to make sure that those appointments are at times where she's going to be awake, she's going to be alert. We have the best chance of her showing up and being able to engage with those doctors. There were other appointments.
Mary Farrelly (30:58)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Shayna Abraham (31:16)
The other question that I asked a lot was, do we need to go in or can we do this virtually? Because that saved time in the car, which like I mentioned before, she was not a fan of at that point. And that also saved just a lot of time, right? Us getting ready, getting her ready, making sure we had, you know, all the things we needed for the appointment, but also
diaper bag and a stroller and the amount of brain work that took to get out the door was immense. so whatever I could do to simplify, that was the other piece that was really critical in that first week.
Mary Farrelly (31:41)
logistics.
Shayna Abraham (31:51)
And I think the other piece is having your community, whoever that is, if that's your family, if that's your friends, if that's your care team, if that's whoever it is to help. and sometimes I remember not knowing what I needed, but just even sitting in the room with me and making me feel like, okay, we got this. We are here was huge just to help me to feel like, okay.
Mary Farrelly (31:54)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Shayna Abraham (32:13)
I went from having this great team that had all the answers that just had us to being home alone and that felt like such a loss. I won't get into all of the brain science around it, but there is truly a neurochemical shift when you go home that happens that it's real.
you are feeling that loss. is a grief process that you are going through. And so whatever I could do to help bolster that for myself and make sure that I was in as good of a place as I could be, scared out of my mind and making sure that, you know, I could do all of the things that needed to be done. That was the other piece was really how do I bolster and make sure that I'm being taken care of?
so that I can take care of her.
Mary Farrelly (32:59)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, and that's really where the work of our NICU doula work can come in too, is being that person that has the evidence-based knowledge, has the trauma-informed care background, and gets the NICU experience and can be that kind of steady presence, emotional and practical and logistical support.
so that families do not feel alone because as you know, you go from a 24-7 nursing care, continuous monitoring, all the people. You have a question and then you can literally look over your shoulder and ask it and at home you're like, oh, ooh boy, it's me and now what? So I am just so excited that you have gone through NICU Doula Academy and are stepping into this role and again, bringing all of your lived experience in
in so many aspects and bringing it together to be able to help families and walk alongside them and so that they don't feel alone especially in this specific transition because it can be just a lot. And I also wanted to, I know you had a survey that you were hoping to share with NICU families to kind of gauge kind of where they're at in their experience.
Did you wanna talk a little bit about that too? And I'm going to be sharing the link and that survey in the show notes here too. So if you're a NICU family listening to this, I would love for you to fill out that quick survey to help Shayna build out different support resources for families too.
Shayna Abraham (34:23)
Yeah, yeah, thank you for mentioning that. I am very excited about this. what I have built is a post-NICU survey. And really what I'm looking for is to better understand what families' experiences are when they leave the NICU so that we can help build a team of folks, myself included, who are really educated in the families' experience. I know what my experience was. I know
what my friends' experiences have been. But my hope for this is that we can get folks from all over the world to fill this out so that NICU doulas, so that providers in this space can serve families better. And so we're just at the beginning of rolling it out, which I'm really excited about. But one of the other pieces that I want families to know because
This isn't just another piece of paperwork. We have plenty of those that we get to fill out. If you decide to fill this out and if you would like to see the results of the survey, I will also be providing those for families as well because the last thing I want to do is waste your time ⁓ and to do something that feels like it just kind of goes into the ether and you don't get to see the results.
Mary Farrelly (35:18)
I'm
m-hmm
Shayna Abraham (35:41)
That's the other promise that I will make to families is if you take the time to fill it out, I will take the time to share the results.
Mary Farrelly (35:46)
I think that the information that you're gonna get from that and the fact that we're sharing it and reconnecting back with families is going to be able to just create so many incredible resources and the work that your cohort of NICU Doula Academy and yourself is doing is just, it makes my heart so happy. When I started the program, I had dreams for it, but the expectation is exceeding reality. Like the work and the potential impact is...
but are really limitless and I get all the feels every time I talk to my NICU Doula people. So Shayna where can people find you and learn more about the work that you're doing and just connect with you too?
Shayna Abraham (36:24)
So my website is preparedabloom.com. It is in process. There will be a Beyond the NICU component to it, but that is still the best way to find me. You can find me preparedabloom.com on LinkedIn, on Facebook, on Instagram, all the socials. And by 2026, all of the Beyond the NICU pieces will be up there as well and a new sub stack that we're working on right now too.
Mary Farrelly (36:49)
I cannot wait. I am just so honored that you are one of the first guests in this podcast and one of the graduates of that the beta cohort of NICU Doula Academy and I can't wait to continue to collaborate and just see all the magic that you're gonna create. So thank you so much for joining me today and for those that are listening definitely reach out to Shayna if you're looking for more support or just a connection and until next time remember that the NICU is only the beginning.