Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
"A LOT with Audra" is the podcast for women juggling big dreams and full lives. Each episode, host, Audra Dinell, Midwestern wife, mom and neurodivergent multi-six figure entrepreneur encourages women to embrace their many roles holistically by living a values-based life with confidence and joy. Through candid discussions, practical strategies and inspiring stories, this podcast is your guide to designing and achieving success without losing yourself in the process.
Ep56
===
Introduction: Embracing Aging with Grandma T
---
[00:00:00]
Audra Dinell: [00:01:00] I have been saying for years that I am not afraid of aging. I'm actually excited for it, and that's because of this woman. Today my grandma is on the podcast and she has shown me that life doesn't shrink as you age. It clarifies my grandma represents what happens when you keep choosing life through decades.
Grief, joy, routine, reinvention, love. It is such a treat today to bring to you Grandma T. That's my intro. Alright, thank you. Do you like that? I
Grandma T: do.
Audra Dinell: Good. I like it's Grandma T. Grandma TI know it's gonna be podcast with grandma T today. Okay. Okay.
Reflecting on Past Decades
---
Audra Dinell: So when you think back to your thirties, forties, or fifties, what in those decades did you think mattered that.
You know, doesn't matter now. I think in
Grandma T: my thirties what didn't [00:02:00] matter was my twenties. Oh, I
Audra Dinell: love
Grandma T: that. It was just, you know, just a lot of drama and trying to find my ground. And then in my thirties, because I did so much crap in my twenties, I decided it's time to take care of myself. And that's when I started developing more of a.
Looking at personal development, reading about it, seeing therapist, and then in my forties I had it. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Forties are the best. I think I've told you that many times.
Audra Dinell: Well, and that's why I wanna have you on because, and when I was pitching this idea to my team, I was like, y'all, here's what I wanna talk about next year.
They know I've been obsessed with turning 40 and I said. You know, I'm obsessed with this because my grandma always talked about the forties were such a great decade. She'd done all this foundational work and life was just good. And they were like, are you gonna have your grandma on? And I was like, I'm gonna have my grandma on.
So I had to trick you on New Year's Eve and give you a [00:03:00] little champagne and then ask you, and you said yes.
Grandma T: Yeah, I noticed that.
Audra Dinell: So yes.
The Importance of Being Present
---
Audra Dinell: Thinking back to all of our conversations over the years about how much you loved your forties, really has inspired me to continue to embrace every decade. But I love what you said because I think regardless of what like new season a person is entering in to, what I heard from you is the past doesn't matter.
Like start. From right where you are today and build on that. Like if you have some things in your past that you regret or some unhealthiness in your past, or ways that you wish you would've acted differently, that's okay you have today. And just kind of start fresh and build something different.
Grandma T: Yeah, it's like learning from your mistakes. You've gotta learn from 'em. Try to live in the moment. If you're obsessing about the future, if you're regretting the past, [00:04:00] you're not growing. And I think it's vital to continue on fertilizing and growing.
Audra Dinell: I like that you used fertilizing because you're a gardener.
Grandma T: Yes. I, am
Audra Dinell: So how did you learn from your mistakes?
Grandma T: Hmm. I suppose I learned what didn't matter, you know? In the twenties, even in in my thirties, there's a lot of things that didn't matter that I thought was important at the time, and I've learned to direct more focus on my health, mental health.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Grandma T: Than. Looking back in the past.
Audra Dinell: Yeah. I feel that shift in myself now.
The things that I cared about deeply in my twenties and thirties, like I've just felt this shift of like trying to let go of some of the things that probably don't matter as much and clinging on to what I think is lasting.
Grandma T: Mm-hmm.
Audra Dinell: And you're so good at being present.[00:05:00]
That's one of my favorite things about you.
Grandma T: Yeah. Thank you.
Audra Dinell: So how did you get like that?
Grandma T: You know, I had a lot of history in, sales. That's what I did most of my life. Mm-hmm. And when you're in sales, you've got to be present.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Grandma T: You've got to hear what the people across from you are saying and read into it almost like. Therapy, but then I do the therapy on myself and what I heard and how that can relate back to the people I'm in front of.
Audra Dinell: So when you were in sales, you would be present and try and actively listen, try and read between the lines a little bit, and then you'd go back and reflect by yourself. That
Grandma T: was
Audra Dinell: put better than what I did. Well, just trying to recap, because ILI like that lesson too. Mm-hmm. Everyone is in sales in one way or another, right?
I mean, if you're an entrepreneur, you have things to sell in your business. If you're an HR leader, you know you're selling your company and your benefits [00:06:00] and the culture. I mean, we're all selling something, or sales is a skill that I think we can all benefit from.
I didn't realize that you're so grounded and so present. I didn't realize that that came from your vocation.
Grandma T: Some of it was personal development, some of it was dealing with friends and family.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Grandma T: And how judgment didn't work.
Audra Dinell: Mm. And how
Grandma T: being present and understanding worked better.
Audra Dinell: Yeah. And I always say I see that in you with our kids, that we can just show up as we are with our. Real challenges and real struggles and real joys and just don't feel that judgment from you.
Grandma T: Yeah,
Audra Dinell: so I love that.
Grandma T: I look at my grandkids as I do my golf game. I've told you this before, you know, I play golf.
I hate keeping score because I'm enjoying golf [00:07:00] before in my forties. I had to keep score. I had to be better. I was a workaholic. I played that hard when I was playing golf or whatever. I was involved in sports or cars or whatever. But now when I golf, hey, I remember the good shots. Mm-hmm. I forget the bad shots.
Mm-hmm. And I don't keep score anymore. And I do that with my grandkids and I do that with other people. I try to remember and focus on the good.
Audra Dinell: And the rest, eh,
Grandma T: just let it go.
Audra Dinell: I love that and I see that in you so much. I never realized how much judgment was connected to presence in the way that you just connected it.
Mm-hmm. If you're busy judging, it's hard to be connected and present. That's true.
Surprises and Growth in Different Life Stages
---
Audra Dinell: Was there a season of life that surprised you in a good way?
Grandma T: Every season of life has a surprise that you can look at in a good way. [00:08:00] The current is family for me. I. Worked in Atlanta. I lived in Florida for a while. I was a once in a while, grandparent parent, and this season in life, it surprises me how much I like family and being around family.
Audra Dinell: Yeah, I
Grandma T: don't know.
If you look at other seasons in life, I think in my forties. I did a lot of leadership. I did a lot of volunteering, like I worked at the, OR volunteered for the Atlanta Convention of Visitors Bureau, and I learned a lot about that. I got involved in politics in 96. Went to the first Democratic convention, went to the debate with all the democratic candidates for president.[00:09:00]
I got really involved in community, so that was kind of surprising for me. It was like my mind came open.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Grandma T: You know, it's like there was so much more in life than what I was seeing in an involvement and it was a pleasant surprise.
Life Transitions and New Beginnings
---
Audra Dinell: So what listeners don't know that I'm wanting to connect is you were.
Born and raised in the Midwest for the most part. And then in your forties, and actually in fact, you started your motherhood and marriage before you decided to go back to school and get a degree. And then in your forties you moved to Atlanta, Georgia and spent a couple of decades in the south, mostly Atlanta.
Yes. And surrounding areas. Yeah. Working in sales and. At one point you, you were in your fifties at this time, I believe you decided you'd [00:10:00] dedicated yourself to a craft. You had made the money, now you wanted to pursue your passion, and you quit sales and opened up a landscaping company. Right. And you were quite successful.
You landscaped for some celebrities even in that area, right? I remember. Yeah. Thinking That's so cool. Yeah. And then you chose in your mostly retirement to move back to the Midwest to be closer to family, so that's been just a high level version of your life journey. Right. And so what I hear you saying is once you moved out of.
Your bubble of the Midwest, the expansion you got was just mind blowing.
Grandma T: Yes. I could feel it. I could feel the growth just mentally and energetic.
Audra Dinell: And I felt that too. When I left my bubble and expanded and moved to someplace new, [00:11:00] I felt the same. I just felt there's so much to discover. There's so many different ways that people do things.
Mm-hmm. And I think travel can get. Us that too. But there's something special I think, about having to build a whole life outside of your bubble that really stretches you to examine the way you have been living and what's available to you.
Grandma T: Right? I don't think, when I moved, I thought about looking back and examining.
But I did have to because I knew nobody, I didn't even have a job when I moved to Atlanta.
Audra Dinell: Oh, I didn't know that
Grandma T: part. Yeah. Well. I applied and got a job, but it wasn't a career job. It was a job. Got it. And I had no friends. I knew nobody in Atlanta. I had to be out there. I had to be present, as you said, and develop friendship and work ethics and everything new.
And in Atlanta at the time, it was very transient. A lot of people [00:12:00] moving into Atlanta for the first time. And a lot of people are looking for friends, unlike. Wichita, you grew up here and you know a lot of people from growing up there. People were anxious and ready and willing to learn new people.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Grandma T: Or get to meet new people. Get to meet new people, and I was very fortunate. I, I had three groups of people. I hung out with the professionals. The partier and the The stables.
Audra Dinell: The stables. Oh, I love that. The stable
Grandma T: couple stable people.
Audra Dinell: Yeah. The adults. The
Grandma T: adults. You
Audra Dinell: had your adult friends?
Grandma T: I did,
Audra Dinell: yeah.
Grandma T: Yeah. I had no children, even though I did ask them if they wanted to move and neither of 'em wanted to come with me. I had two kids, but yeah.
Audra Dinell: Have two kids.
Grandma T: Yes, I have two kids.
Audra Dinell: Yeah. But back then, yeah, they were in their. Twenties. Twenties, okay. Yeah. And this was the nineties. This was before internet, right?
I mean the big internet boom, right? Right. It [00:13:00] was, yeah, it was. Yeah. So you just had to make friends the old fashioned way by literally showing up, showing up, networking. And you know, that's how I did it when I moved too. I was so invigorated to know no one in the markets I was living in, essentially. I mean, Corey and I moved together, so I'm grateful for that.
But especially Colorado, I remember driving in that first night and knowing we had to get some groceries for our apartment and walking into the Safeway and thinking, I am going to run into no one. I know. From here on out until I meet people. Mm-hmm. And get to know them. And so yeah, I had to do the same, I had to network and join clubs and there were so many different.
Avenues. Mm-hmm. You know, we use to make new friends in a new market,
Grandma T: and I think even at my age, that's what we've gotta do. I'm not doing it as much as I'd like, but I'm starting it.
Audra Dinell: Well, and we're keeping you busy as the [00:14:00] professional executive grandma assistant to the children's. True.
Grandma T: Yeah. That is a good job though.
Audra Dinell: But yeah, you've recently joined, you became a master gardener, right? So you're building community there. Mm-hmm. And will continue as you volunteer. But yeah, you still have to put yourself out there. Mm-hmm. No matter. No matter what age.
Pursuing Passions and Integrity
---
Audra Dinell: So was there, what got easier as you got older?
Grandma T: I'm sorry?
Audra Dinell: What got easier as you got older?
Grandma T: in my forties. Acceptance of myself.
One thing that was important to me in the forties. Was integrity. I could look back and see that I didn't have integrity when I was younger, but when my forties integrity was so important, not only personally, but in my work. I remember there was one time, I believe the woman that owned the business I was working at, I was selling a turnkey accounting solutions and she said they could do this, this, and this.
Well, [00:15:00] guess what? When I sold it and saying that it didn't work, I had to quit that job. It wasn't, it was my word to a customer saying, this is what we're gonna do for you. And when we didn't.
Audra Dinell: I had to leave. Yeah. I think it's interesting that the thought that we can build character traits no matter what age.
You know? Right now with my kids being six and nine, I am constantly planting seeds and hoping to develop their character. Not everyone gets that. And we can take ownership and agency and decide I'm gonna develop integrity in myself. Mm-hmm. Or more integrity, or I'm gonna live with more integrity as a 40-year-old.
Right. [00:16:00] Do you, did you ever battle feelings of like, I'm late or I'm too old for this, or anything like that?
Grandma T: No,
Audra Dinell: and I don't hear that in you, and that's why I asked is because I feel like so many people battle that lie, that story of, oh, well I'm 40, I'm 50. You know, it's too late for me.
Grandma T: Oh, no. As you mentioned earlier, in my fifties, I opened up a landscape company.
I got a business degree from Wichita State while I was in Atlanta. In the evening, I got a horticulture degree, and when I opened up my business as a landscaper, I never worked another day in my life. I loved it. I would wake up at whatever, four o'clock in the morning. I always say my bladder woke me up at four.
My brain kept me awake, but I didn't mind it. I loved it, you know? Sometimes when I had to quit work I was frustrated [00:17:00] 'cause I really wanted to finish what I was doing or I enjoyed it so much and I think that's, you know, that's why I went in and got the Master Garden Gardeners certificate is 'cause I'm gonna do something I love and meet new people.
Audra Dinell: So how old were you when you got your degree from Wichita State?
Grandma T: I was,
Audra Dinell: 28. Okay. So you were nearly 30 when you got your degree right? After having kids. Right. So you had two, were they middle schoolers, teenagers high schoolers, high school. Okay. You had two high schoolers, got your degree at 40.
You moved across the country at 50. You started your first business. Mm-hmm. And in your late seventies, you became a master gardener. That's right. And so many other things in between that we could talk about. I mean, lots of mm-hmm. Lots of moves. But I just love that you have always embraced life. I have [00:18:00] never seen you act like it's too late to do something that you wanna do.
And that, that is probably what inspires me.
Grandma T: That's good. The only thing that's too late, and I don't wanna say it's too late. It's a shift. It's a shift in what you can do and what you can't. I no longer can climb a tree. Yeah. Or have the muscles I did when I was managing my landscape company. So I've got to do things differently and smarter, but that's my only limitation is the physical.
But I do have. Several. I have one son and grandson in-laws that I can,
Audra Dinell: can you help me a bit? And you can just look out the window and see one of your mini grandkids climbing a tree at any time. I'm sure that's true. My son included.
Wisdom and Reflections
---
Audra Dinell: So were there versions of yourself you had to let go when you moved to Atlanta, when you [00:19:00] were getting into your forties to become who you wanted to be?
Grandma T: Yes, I let go of hesitation. I let go of worrying about. How it looks or what other people might think. You just gotta let that go and move on. You've gotta look inside you in what counts and what makes you happy. Without stepping on toes, it would not make me happy to hurt other people's feelings. You know? But what made me happy is sometimes I felt like wearing flannel shirts and sometimes I felt like wearing pearls and silk.
Audra Dinell: Why do you think people have such a hard time? Letting go of the hesitation of what other people think
Grandma T: that that's has to be an individual problem.
Audra Dinell: You never battled that
Grandma T: A little bit, but not enough to change the direction of my life where I was going. I didn't want to [00:20:00] wear blue jeans to work at the time I was in the corporate suit, and when I was going out afterwards, that's when I'd put my blue jeans on when I was going out two stepping or something like that.
So it mattered to me too. Look professional. Mm-hmm. When it was in the right place. When it's not in the right place. It doesn't matter.
Audra Dinell: Context.
Grandma T: Yeah.
Audra Dinell: Yeah. What do you know now that you wish women, let's just say me. Mm-hmm. What, what do you know now that you want me to know as I'm turning 40 this year? Oh, enjoy the ride.
Grandma T: Mm. And I think I would touch back on. Don't judge yourself so much. Mm-hmm.
Audra Dinell: I knew you were gonna make me cry. I'm gonna cry this whole podcast season.
Grandma T: Yeah, I know. Because you do worry. You worry about your children and what other people might think and, [00:21:00] but. Going personal. You are more of a, the matriarch of the family.
Everybody looks up to you. All the nephews and nieces from two to 18. You are the one you show up in your present with them and they acknowledge that.
Audra Dinell: Well, thank you grandma making me cry.
Grandma T: Hmm.
Audra Dinell: Okay. If you could give your younger self one kind truth, not advice, just kindness, what would it be?
Grandma T: You know, I struggled with this question without being too personal, but the thing I come up with is. I'm not responsible for other people's actions like my father.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Grandma T: Or my mother. [00:22:00] Mm-hmm.
Audra Dinell: Or my brother. Mm-hmm.
Grandma T: And I, from what they've done doesn't mean I'm part of it. It's not in my blood, it's, it's not in my veins.
Hmm. My brother had done something horrific and spent time in jail.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Grandma T: And I did not see him for years. And I finally forgave him. Mm. He found God.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Grandma T: And I asked him, I said. How do you feel about your past? And now he said, I've asked God's forgiveness, and I've asked Jesus's forgiveness, and I feel like I've been forgiven, and I move on from that.
From that, I learned to forgive him.
Audra Dinell: Hmm. Gosh. You were just a ball of wisdom. See, and you didn't know what you were gonna talk about on this podcast?
Grandma T: Well, yeah. I didn't wanna get too personal, but yeah.
Audra Dinell: Hmm. Okay. What do you feel most proud [00:23:00] of in how you've lived?
Grandma T: I try to be, the, the word keeps coming up, integrity and acceptance. As I mentioned to you before, accepting, getting close to 80.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Grandma T: It's been a little struggle.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Grandma T: But that's okay because if you don't struggle within yourself, sometimes you're not learning and growing. You know, there's been times when I'm, you know, approaching 80, I've thought, okay, I'm gonna get old.
I'm just gonna sit around and, and watch TV. And you know, and it's like, no, get old gracefully.
You know, work out when you can. Be involved when you can, and that's what I'm trying to do now with the master Garden class.
Audra Dinell: I would love to have your energy and your schedule and your activity and your amount of family when I'm 80, almost 80.
Almost 80, but I think that's really [00:24:00] wise because so often we bottle up these feelings because we don't wanna. Suffer. We don't wanna struggle. And it's just part of the journey. And if we don't let ourselves experience that feeling, it just sort of bottles up inside of us and leaks out in other ways.
Yes, it does. Instead of just accepting the feeling and then taking action based on who we wanna be, regardless of the feeling. Mm-hmm. But we. Except that it's there and we let ourselves feel it.
Grandma T: Something I was thinking about when you were talking, I forgot.
Audra Dinell: Oh,
Grandma T: well
Audra Dinell: that happens to me all the time. Okay. What is one thing you think women worry about too much?
Grandma T: I think they worry too much about what other people think. Mm-hmm. I think it's time to think about [00:25:00] what, you know, at whatever age. It's time to think about what is good for you and your family. What are your goals personally and professionally? And don't worry about if my goal is I wanna dig in the ground.
Coming from a professional corporate setting to digging in the ground, you know, I didn't care. My friends liked me for my personality, and I think that's what's important now, is to be present and be who you are and take that negative thought of, oh, I'm not looking good, or I've got this different that they won't understand.
Audra Dinell: You know, I never connected those two things for you, where you were this, you know, high powered corporate saleswoman and you left all of that to dig in the dirt. I never put it that way [00:26:00] in my head because I saw you leaving to start your own business. But there are non-glamorous parts of that. Mm-hmm. And I could see where ego could potentially get in the way.
I think that's really solid advice. Yeah. What do you think women need to worry about? More
Grandma T: saving for the future.
Audra Dinell: That's a good one. Yeah.
Grandma T: You know, instead of buying that $200 dress just to look good, put $200 into yourself fee. You know, pay yourself first.
Audra Dinell: Mm. But hopefully you have $400 so you can also buy the dress.
Okay.
Conclusion: Living a Good Life
---
Audra Dinell: As we wrap up, when you look over the life that you have lived so far, tell me what does a good life actually look like to you now?
Grandma T: Health. Without health. Doesn't matter what your age, you have nothing. I love the fact that you're [00:27:00] out walking, you're out exercising. You're in your forties.
Audra Dinell: Well, I'm still in my thirties.
Oh,
Grandma T: but going to be in the forties. Ain't going to be in your forties.
Audra Dinell: I've got a few months left. I have Write that out. Yeah, yeah,
Grandma T: yeah. Hang on to that. 39 Andra. Just hang on to it.
Audra Dinell: Three months in one day.
Grandma T: But just be excited about being 40.
Audra Dinell: Yeah,
Grandma T: just be excited. You know, it's a great period in your life.
You've got all the drama, all the things that aren't important, and now you've got you and your family and you've got the future. Just be happy with what you're doing now.
Audra Dinell: Thank you. Mm-hmm. Thanks for coming on today.
Grandma T: You're welcome.
Audra Dinell: Love you.
Grandma T: I love you too, baby.
Audra Dinell: Mm. Ugh, today just filled my cup. I was so grateful to have my grandma on the podcast, a woman who has inspired me my whole life. And I know once you listen, you are gonna be thinking, man, RA's grandma is cooler than my grandma.
So. Make sure you like the podcast, [00:28:00] subscribe, review, do all the things to help us keep this going. We absolutely love coming to you every single week, and especially this year, bringing you this wisdom. We would love to stay in your ears as long as possible, so thank you for sharing this with friends that you think might enjoy the episode.