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You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest into the lives of others. Find out more at youcanmentor.com or find us on social media, you can mentor. On today's episode of the You Can Mentor Podcast, Derrick Sire and I, we're talking about the mentor is the program. We're talking about who the mentor is that matters so much more than what they teach, the words that they say, anything like that.
Speaker 1:We're gonna break down the five reasons why the person matters more than the program. We're talking about the environment that the mentor creates and how you can't give what you don't have the power of consistency showing up no matter what about how just kids are watching. They're always watching, so much more than we think. And then, just the power of a trusting relationship. Kids don't care what you know till they know that you care.
Speaker 1:So tune into this podcast. Join our Youth Mentor network. Find out more at youcanmentor.com. Join our newsletter. We got stuff coming at you each and every week.
Speaker 1:Follow me, Zachary Garza on LinkedIn, or you can mentor at you can mentor on Instagram. Guys, just know that we love you and that we're for you and we believe in you. You're doing good work. Share this with your staff, your volunteers, your mentors, and just know more than anything that he who calls you as faithful, he will surely do it. And that's why you can mentor.
Speaker 1:Enjoy the episode. Welcome to the Youth Mentor Podcast. This is your boy, Zach. Yeah. Derrick.
Speaker 1:Derrick, say hi.
Speaker 2:Your boy. I like that. That's a nice little intro. You switched it up this time.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Sometimes I do that. You know?
Speaker 2:I enjoy it. Think I think one
Speaker 1:thing that's fun, and I was actually asking myself this question this week. Am I too old to sound cool? Like, you boy, b o I? Like, I found myself saying you boy a couple... Yeah.
Speaker 1:And hey. Look. Like, we've had the conversation. Am I too old to wear my hat backwards? We've had that conversation.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:But I I I don't know if I'm just insecure. I don't know what the deal is. But, like, I found myself this week, someone said something funny, and I was like, hey. Hey. And I was like, can I still do that?
Speaker 2:Yes. You can.
Speaker 1:I'm like, it's me. So, like, I don't wanna change me. Like, this is who I am. Yeah. I'm 43, about to be 44.
Speaker 1:But I still wear my hat backwards. I still say, you boy. You still say,
Speaker 2:Hey. Just don't do six seven, bro. Just don't just, you know, let... Let's let them have that one. Let's let them have that one.
Speaker 1:I, and if I'm being totally honest with you, I I still dab. I mean, we've talked about the dab, but I can't help... The baby dab is so fun. It's just... You know?
Speaker 1:Alright. Well, what are we talking about today, Derrick?
Speaker 2:We are talking about mentors being the program. They are the brand. Mentors outside of curriculum, outside of content, mentors, they are the bread, they are the butter, they are they are the meal, they are not a snack, my friend. They are the reason that if it works, it'll work. So we want to really focus in on that today.
Speaker 1:Okay. So look, like, straight up. Okay. We are entering into a season in society, in my opinion, IMO. IMO, Derrick.
Speaker 2:You still hip. You still cool.
Speaker 1:Alright. Where... And look. I'm all about curriculum. I'm all about training systems.
Speaker 1:I'm all about programs. Programs are a good thing. But at the end of the day, these kids more than ever, I feel like, are looking for this one on one connection. They are
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:They are hungry. Guys, if if you out there haven't looked at the statistics on kids and their desire to engage into faith, forward conversations, into the deeper things. Right? Like, there was a day whenever I was younger, whenever kids didn't wanna hear what you had to say in regards to maturity, faith, Jesus, religion, spirituality, those days are gone. If if you look at some of the data, it is students are hungry and us mentors, we are unequipped.
Speaker 1:We are still acting as if they don't want to hear what we have to say, but they do. They do, Derrick. They want to hear what we have to say. And so more than ever, you know, we're talking about health, character, consistency, and more than anything, just the presence that comes with a mentor. Kids Yeah.
Speaker 1:More than ever, they don't really, have time for the pizza parties and the games and the let's go out and let's, you know, capture the flag. Like, all of that's great, but what keeps them coming back are the conversations that we think potentially that they don't wanna have.
Speaker 2:So yeah, and the reason I think that's so good is because, you know, in a in a world where we feel like they're being disconnected and they're they are in their phones and technology, The thing about technology and them being in their phones is that the world is coming to them, and so they're seeing so much more kids these days, they're seeing so much more than the kids of the previous generation. Generation, you think about the exposure of the following generation, like I have seen and I probably know a little bit more about the world than my parents did, and my kids know more about than what I did. Why? Because social media, at the click of a button, at the scroll of a screen, all this information is being brought to them, and they are looking for reliable resources to explain and to position and posture what they're seeing and for it to make sense. And as a mentor, we have a really cool position in their lives, we have access in a way that other people do not, in order to make sense of things, and our secret weapon, our belief, is faith.
Speaker 2:And so if we had access, and if we have a desire and the willingness to engage them in their curiosity, to double down and sit line of sight in those questions, even though we may not know, I think if we create that environment, we create this culture of curiosity, then we actually become the content, right? We talk about the curriculum and the workbooks and the metrics and we got grants and we got a report out and all these different things, but we actually become the content, relationship and connection becomes the content that draws them in the most.
Speaker 1:We become the content.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Man, we are cooking this morning. I don't know. I don't know what you had for breakfast, but
Speaker 2:Turkish tea, my friend.
Speaker 1:You and your Turkish tea.
Speaker 2:I know. I love it so much. We talk about this.
Speaker 1:Okay. Hey. So look. Alright. So we are the content.
Speaker 1:We are the program. The mentor is what matters. Today, let's talk about five reasons why that is true. But first, I wanna ask us a question. Alright?
Speaker 1:I I just wanna paint. You know? I'm gonna pull out my paintbrushes. I wanna do my best Picasso, and I wanna paint a picture inside of your head. Oh, mentoring listener.
Speaker 1:Here we go. Alright. Cue the music. Eric. Imagine two mentors.
Speaker 1:Alright? We've got one guy or gal who shows up. They've got the perfect curriculum, perfect questions, all the right answers, but they're distracted. They're impatient. They're hard to trust.
Speaker 1:The words coming out of their mouth don't necessarily match what the mentee is experiencing. That's mentor number one. Mentor number two, maybe they don't know what to say. Maybe they're a little bit awkward, but they show up each and every week, and they listen. Like, they...
Speaker 1:They're locked in making eye contact. They keep their word. They own their mistakes. They apologize. So much more is caught than taught.
Speaker 1:This mentee is watching this mentor with, you know, at at work, maybe with their family, with their neighbors, their friends, and this mentor genuinely loves the kid right in front of him. Which one do we actually think is doing the mentoring? Now I think that we know the answer. Right, Derrick? I think we do.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah. I think everyone does. Okay? It is mentor number two.
Speaker 1:But so often, we... And I too. I'm I'm I'm just as guilty that... I mean, hey. I'm I'm the one who has books over here.
Speaker 1:Right? Mhmm. We put so much time into curriculum and training and systems and resources. But at the end of the day, they're not being mentored by those things. They're being mentored by a person, by words, by eye contact, by presence, by Yeah.
Speaker 1:A human being. So let's start off, Derrick. Five reasons why the person matters more than the program.
Speaker 2:Well, I think number one, we have to make sure that we know that kids experience the person before anything else. We come with this material that we have, and we've been given all these resources and all those different things, I think that we have to understand that the first thing that comes through the door isn't the curriculum, it's not the workbook, number one thing is the person that comes through. Did they come through on time, or are they consistently coming through, are they listening, are they present, are they available, it's these things that you said earlier that a lot more is caught than is taught. And so before the material even lands, before the content is delivered, before the wisdom and the words and the nuggets and all those different things, there's another human being that comes across and sits there, it's present, And so we have to understand that the mentor comes through before the material.
Speaker 1:And man, just the small things that we might not think about, smiles, laughter, this like entering in with joy. Right? Like, hey. I am I am happy to see you, and it is blatantly obvious.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And if you think about our kids, right, for so many of our kids, they might not ever feel that way. You know? Perhaps they're in a home where, you know, mom is so busy just trying to make ends meet that she doesn't have the margin to be able to give this kid the time and the attention that they desire. Potentially, they're in an... In a school where it's it's a big school.
Speaker 1:The teachers have so much going on. Yeah. And there there isn't one person who's giving them this this one on one focused, hey. I am here for you. I love you.
Speaker 1:You matter. You are worth my everything. Yeah. I am going to give that to you. That is remarkably powerful.
Speaker 1:That could transform a life. A kid might not remember what you taught, what you said, but they're always going to remember how you made them feel. Yeah. And so that's a that's a big deal, Derrick. The kids experience the mentor before they experience the material.
Speaker 1:And there... There's so much stuff about this in the bible. Right? It's, you know, it's about love. It's about, your presence.
Speaker 1:It's about showing up and not just talking about the gospel, but actually, like, trying to trying to be the gospel. And, yeah, man, it's a big deal.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You talked about this margin right in this this busy lives that we all live, and I feel like the longer we live, the busier life gets. But but there are there are a few things that you've you mentioned as far as safety, as far as like, you know, proving that you actually care about them. Talk about showing up on time, you know, creating safe spaces. Do you keep your word?
Speaker 2:Can they trust you? These are all things that are vital to relationship development that's outside of the content, outside of the curriculum, right, it's like these intangible things that we may not put as much value on, but what ends up being the most valuable to them. They're in a classroom with 30 other kids, they're on a football team with 60 other kids, they're probably in a home with two, three other siblings, they are at a church with 500 folks. And so you think about the margin in everybody else's life, where they have to share space, they go to a job where there are 50 other employees, maybe at a McDonald's or a Wendy's, you know, it's like they're on a public transportation system where there's a 100 other folks, they're in a school with a thousand of the kids, and this is one time a week, for this hour, for this ninety minutes, that it's all about them, they're the only ones in this space, and so we talk about outside of the curriculum, outside of the material, outside of the content, can you sit across from another human being and make them feel seen, valued, heard, appreciated?
Speaker 2:Can you make it a safe space for them? Can you care about them? Can you lock eyes? Can you positionally place yourself in a way that's important, can you greet them, can you remember those things, their name, things about their family, things they're interested in, outside of the material, outside of the content, outside of the curriculum. It's the mentor that matters, that becomes actually the most important piece of the mentor relationship.
Speaker 2:That's the piece that is number one.
Speaker 1:And I think about the person of Jesus. Right? Like, yeah, he gave the big speeches, but the stories that I remember the most, you know, he went to the woman at the well. He met with the centurion. Like, it's...
Speaker 1:Is these, like, one on one offs where it's like, okay. Like, I'm actually gonna prioritize this this one connection.
Speaker 2:And Yeah.
Speaker 1:Almost, you know, almost in every way, the person leaves transformed. And so Oh
Speaker 2:my gosh. Zachary, so good. Can can we just go down? I know we... We're we're already...
Speaker 2:We're only on point number one. But you think about these moments in the Bible where Jesus calls a person by name. It's like in this in this in this moment of this house being filled, the ceiling rips open and the four friends lowers the man on the mat, and then in that moment, he becomes the center of Jesus' attention, right? You think about the man sitting next to the well, he's been sitting there for a really long time, Jesus looks directly at him and says, Pick up your mat and walk. You think about the time where Mary and Martha, they're sitting at the feet and all this different, like Jesus had this uncanny ability and knack to know when to isolate from the noise and speak to a person and everything that was going on.
Speaker 2:Peter, come out of the boat. John, the one who I love. Like he just had this ability to just zero in Lazarus, come out. Right? He just had this ability to to focus in on a person.
Speaker 2:And that's really, really important not to neglect the group or our duties or responsibility, but also knowing when it's viable for that one on one moment to take place.
Speaker 1:Man, that's so good. And now I just feel like, you know, we're so distracted. Like, I mean, I can't get off my phone for more than five seconds, and I'm a mature adult for the most part. Your boy's a mature adult. Hey.
Speaker 1:Dab on them. But, I mean, I'm just like, man. Lord Jesus, help us.
Speaker 2:But Yes.
Speaker 1:So important. So important. Alright. Number two, you can't give what you don't have. You know, you just...
Speaker 1:Speaking of maturity, you can't give what you don't have. And guys, just like straight up, you will create who you are. And, you know, your words and your actions, they have to line up. If not, your mentee is not gonna care... Carve out a thing you say.
Speaker 1:And so just this comes from your relationship with Jesus. This comes from your own personal walk. This comes from, you know, you putting yourself in spaces and different kinds of places and friendships that are helping push you towards the person of Christ, that are helping you look more like Jesus. Man, God cares way more about who we're becoming than what we do, which
Speaker 2:You know what?
Speaker 1:That's crazy. That's so crazy to think about.
Speaker 2:You know, as I was as I was my as a young person, my my faith was being formed. It was so important for me to not only see who someone was. In church and in the pulpit, and with the microphone in their hand, but it became just as important for me to see them on the golf course, on the basketball, in their home with their wife and kids. It became important to me to see the work that they did and how they were as a professional, because I think sometimes we disassociate the two, right, it's like we learn how to isolate who we are in a moment, instead of letting our yes be yes and our no be no, right? And so when we think about who we present to a mentee and they say, I wanna be like that, We say something is valuable, they say we want to be like that.
Speaker 2:Well, then they get the opportunity to not only hear our words, but hopefully the next invitation is for them to do life with us as well. And so you get to see, not only do I have it here, as I'm telling you, but you get to actually see that I have it in other spaces as well. So when we say I can't give what I don't have, I not only have it in words and idea and the concept, but I actually try to practice it in my life as well. Now, the first part that we talked about, as far as the mentor being the content, it's not that I'm perfect, it's not that I won't make mistakes, but I invite you into the space so you can see me be human as well, and see me try to do and be the best that I can be. So when I say be patient, you have to see me actually being patient.
Speaker 2:When I say being kind, you actually have to see me being kind, because far too often, we have adults that will say one thing and do another. Well, they'll tell you to do something and they'll do another. They'll say, do what I say and not what I do, right? We've heard that a lot. And so in mentorship, not only is it about saying, but it's also about example, so that you can see that I'm actually giving you what I have and what I have is good.
Speaker 1:Man, it makes me think about, you know, sometimes I like to go to the gym, you know, as you can tell by my huge biceps I
Speaker 2:work on. Tell, bro. I can tell. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And
Speaker 1:and just like, you know, if someone's gonna be my trainer, but they don't look the part... You know, like, I have a trainer who's, like, obese and they can't run a mile and they can't bench press a 100 pounds, I'm like, hey, man. Goes. Thanks so much for giving me all of your instruction, but I don't know if you're worth emulating. Well, the same thing can be said about us.
Speaker 1:Be a person worth emulating. And, guys, this character development, you know, being humble, being patient, being self aware, apologizing, asking questions, all of these things, that is the work that you have to do away from your mentee. Like, this is formation. This is spiritual development. And it doesn't matter if you're 14 or if you're 40 or if you're 84.
Speaker 1:May we always try to become... May we always be taking steps to look more like Jesus Christ. Because, you know, out of the heart, the mouth speaks. And so may our hearts be filled with goodness.
Speaker 2:Have you seen have you have you seen the movie, Maverick? The top Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Of course. I've seen it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Of course.
Speaker 1:I hope so.
Speaker 2:Hope so. If not, I'm about to ruin it for everybody.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's a little bit.
Speaker 1:Hey. Look, dude. People have had, like, three years to see it. If they haven't seen it yet, that's... I mean, that's on them.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And
Speaker 2:so he shows back up, right? And there's all this lure around him. There's this, you know, the hype. And normally, you know, it's kind of in these spaces, there's some respect that would be given based the accomplishments, your reputation procedure type of thing. But it wasn't until they actually saw them do it, where the respect came.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes! It wasn't actually until they saw him do it. It was like, okay, all right, now he's shooting down everybody, now he's doing the thing, he does the, it wasn't until they actually saw, conceptually, he said a lot of things, he gave him a time, he gave him some goals to meet, but it wasn't until they saw him, listen, it's not to say that the information you're giving me is wrong. I had a lot of people who look like one thing tell me to do another, right, we give the example of the fitness instructor, I've seen a lot of people, you know, my dad smoked cigarettes, he was like, son don't smoke cigarettes. You know, there are lots of people that do it in so many different ways, but there's something that validates your claim as seeing you do it.
Speaker 2:It's like, you can, tell people all the time, I tell these kids, I say, I'm a hooper bro, I hoop, that's what I do. And they be like, nah, and then I get out there and they're like, okay, okay, now everybody wanna pick me up Zach, everybody wanna pick me up now. This is something about actually seeing you do it as a mentor, it's one thing to say it. It's another thing to do it. This is why we cannot give what we don't have, man.
Speaker 1:Alright. So straight up. If you had to compare yourselves... No. We have to go there because you make claims on this podcast, Derrick, and we have to validate these.
Speaker 2:I'm bringing my tennis shoes on Monday.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh. If... What NBA player does your game resemble?
Speaker 2:My favorite player in the NBA, I have two for two different reasons, number one, hands down, is Dennis Rodman, I have a story about this when I was younger, I had Dennis Rodman poster on my wall, my dad told me, he said, son, you are slow, you are fat, and you are short. He said, you're gonna have to do, in order to get on the court, you're gonna have to do everything that no one else is willing to do. He says, I need you to do three things, I need you to set the hardest picks, I need you to get every rebound, and I need you to use all your fouls. That was my goal when I played basketball when I was younger. He said, you're slower, you're fatter, you're shorter than everybody else.
Speaker 2:In order to get on the court, you need to do something that nobody else is willing to do. This is what I need you to do, set all the picks, the hardest picks, get every rebound, and I need you to use all your fouls. And I went from 10 on the bench, to eight to six to breaking into the starting five. Bro, listen, Dennis Rodman was my guy. He was the epitome of doing everything that nobody else wanted to do.
Speaker 2:My second favorite player is Baron Davis, he's also short, he's fat, and he has a game where he will pull up and shoot at three, and he will come and dunk on you. And he... He's like an unassuming guy. That's what my top two favorite players.
Speaker 1:And he's kinda got that booty. I like He he can Listen. He can kinda move some people out of the way.
Speaker 2:Yes. Yes, bro. That's my favorite... The woman. If I ever meet him...
Speaker 2:Baron, if you... If you're listening to this podcast, bro, if you please call me, reach out to to to the project. I wanna have lunch. Don't know where you at in the world, bro, but you you might want one of my favorite people.
Speaker 1:Man, all of these people who are tuned into our podcast, you know, who don't like basketball, they're like, I'm gonna go listen to, you know
Speaker 2:Oh, no. Stay with us. Yeah. With us.
Speaker 1:Alright. Alright. Number three. Okay. So number...
Speaker 1:We're a mess. Number one, the kids experience the mentor before they experience the material. Number two, you can't give what you can't have. Absolutely. Number three, consistency usually matters more than having the perfect thing to say.
Speaker 1:Alright. We're talking talking about building trust. Yeah. Trust isn't built in a short time. You know?
Speaker 1:It it is not one conversation. It is multiple time and time and time. It's showing up whenever you said you would. It is remembering the thing that they told you last week. It's calling them back.
Speaker 1:It's texting them back. It's, you know, staying when things get weird. Yeah. And it's just being faithful. And so, man, may we as mentors be consistent in all that we do.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You think about the the the most familiar faces, they usually carry some sort of weight, whether it's negative or positive. I heard another mentor say that this generation, this next generation will go to whoever wants them. And I don't know why that resonated so deeply to me. This next generation will go to whoever wants them.
Speaker 2:Who's willing to show up, who's willing to be in their face, who's willing to support them and encourage them and correct them and love, who's willing to cheer, who's willing to those people, those who. And we often see some of our kids choose people who aren't the best for them, but those people show up the most for them. Men, that's so good. Our kids oftentimes will choose not who's the best for them, but who shows up the most for them. Who's the person that is consistent, these are their friends, these are whatever positive or negative influence, it's the people who show up.
Speaker 2:There's so much value and visibility and consistency. Who's in front of their face, who's on their phones, who's showing up to games, who's meeting them at their house, who's picking them up, who's eating meals with them, who's that? I wanna be one of those guys. I wanna be one of those because I know consistency wins the day.
Speaker 1:And I know that this doesn't make sense, but if you're a mentor or if you have a mentor in your organization and they're, you know, kinda weird, maybe they're kinda awkward, maybe they they don't know how to talk to kids and they're not quote unquote cool. You know? They're not wearing a backwards hat. They're not dabbing on people. You know?
Speaker 1:If they can show up. If they can show up. I promise you time and time and time again, that is going to break down the walls, and that kid will open up. It doesn't does not matter how cool you are. Alright?
Speaker 1:No more. I'm just not cool enough. That is not an excuse that works because if you show up, I promise you, over time, the kids will come to you. It's Yeah. Like the pied piper.
Speaker 1:Like, the only thing that they want is your attention. That's the only thing that they want. And they might not ever say it, and they might be like, oh, man. And you can't trust their words because they're kids. Alright?
Speaker 1:But you just gotta know that when push comes to shove, they're gonna look for the person who they can trust to show up, that they can trust to be there, that they can trust, that they can count on whenever stuff starts hitting the fan. Yeah. And if you can be that person, then I promise you that the Lord will use you in ways that you can't even fathom because he's so much more concerned about our faithfulness than us being cool and having a backwards hat.
Speaker 2:So My goodness. Yeah. Okay. Let's keep me pushing.
Speaker 1:Let us not grow weary in doing good, Derrick. Let us not quit. Let's not quit. Let's not quit. Yeah.
Speaker 1:If you're a mentor, don't quit. If you're a mentoring organization, encourage your mentors. Don't quit. Yeah. God is working.
Speaker 1:I promise you. Alright? Speaking of that... Speaking of whatever we're talking about. Number four, kids are watching more than they are listening.
Speaker 1:They are watching more than they are listening. They are watching everything. Kids got, like, six eyes. They don't miss a thing. You might think that they're on their phone doing god knows what.
Speaker 1:They're not. They're watching you. They're watching how you carry yourself. They're watching the words that you say. They're watching how you talk to your friends.
Speaker 1:They're watching how you talk to your wife or husband or kiddos, and they are figuring out in their subconscious, is this someone that I wanna be like? Is this someone who I can trust? It's a huge deal.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And and the mentors who are not afraid of that, they actually invite those kids to watch. Actually invite them. Fact, you think about, for me, one of the greatest examples is somebody that says, as I follow, you follow me. As I'm pressing toward the mark of high calling, as I follow, as I press toward the mark, I want you to follow me.
Speaker 2:One, because a mentor like that is not afraid of the illusion of perfection, they're also not afraid of messing up, because they know what their intent is, right? It's not that we will ever get everything right, it's not that we're striving for perfection, but it's we're trying to do the best that we can do, we can be the best that we can be in that moment, on that day, with these people, in that scenario. And I think as we invite mentees to follow us, as we pursue those things, then they will see way more than we intended to teach.
Speaker 1:And I think this is something, you know, that maybe our generation might be able to carry more than generations of past, you know? Mhmm. Remember I was a kid, everyone was acting perfect. It's like, you can't watch me have a fight with my kid. You can't watch me have an argument with my spouse.
Speaker 1:You can't watch me get mad. You can't watch me get disappointed. It's like, put on your nicest shirt, smile, and say everything's great. But... And for some mentors, they're terrified.
Speaker 1:Like, oh my gosh. What if I have them over for dinner and what if me and my wife kinda start to get into it? Or what if my kid starts acting a fool? Or what if I say the wrong thing? Guys, when things go wrong, that is a fantastic opportunity to show your character.
Speaker 1:So be you. Be real. Like, I've gotten into an argument with my wife, with my mentee right there. And what an amazing opportunity that they get to watch me apologize. They get to watch me humble myself.
Speaker 1:You know? Yeah. I get to tell... Hey. How's it going this week?
Speaker 1:Coach Garza, actually, it's going bad. I lost my job. I had this thing happen at work. You know? My mom is sick.
Speaker 1:Like, be real. Be open. And give them an example of not just how to do the good things, but how to handle the hard things because we know that life is typically more hard than than not. Yeah. So you're teaching them how to be disappointed.
Speaker 1:You're teaching them how to have conflict. You're teaching them what to do when things go wrong and how to respond to life when it does not go how you think that it should go. And, guys, that's something that you're not gonna get on TikTok. That's something that you're not gonna pick up in a book. Our kids don't need someone who has all of the right answers.
Speaker 1:They need someone to show them how to live life in a real, authentic, vulnerable way. So...
Speaker 2:You know, some of these things, even even if they were in a book, even if they were on TikTok, because doing something conceptually is different than actually doing it, right? It's like, hey guys, be human in front of you, but doing it, hey, model apologizing, but doing it, knowing that the greater good is hanging in the balance, right, it's like I'm reminded of like, I used to be a soccer manager for my son's team, and I was passionate, like I was one of the parents that's like, I'm in the refs like, throw the card, like I'm that guy. And I had to like, my son, he asked me, he was like, hey dad, can a you dad and not a manager? Like I like when you're a dad and not a manager, and I was like, oh, can you just be on the side and just be chill, these are my words, not his. And it let me know that he was watching me even when I thought I was doing something good, like when I thought I was advocating on his behalf, when I thought I was being who should have been, he actually requested me to be something different that was best for him in that moment.
Speaker 2:And that's humbling, right? I to learn, And so by me meeting that request, I then had other players come up to me and express some of those things as well. And so it's very interesting when we think, even when we think we're doing good, even when we're modeling, that ebb and that flow, that learn, that given that get, it becomes very interchangeable, it becomes very symbiotic, it becomes very reciprocal when we share those organic moments with young people around us. Because I think it's very important for us to just kind of model what it looks like to be watched, right? It's like, you guys are watching me and I knew you were watching me, but I know you were watching me in that depth are are as that intense.
Speaker 2:And so I think it's very important. Be organic, be fun, be whatever, you know, set the example. But I think no matter what we do, they're always going to get more than we intend for them to get anyway.
Speaker 1:Yep. I always think what's what's so funny is, like, even even the things that you're trying to teach them, they're picking up, like, totally different things. I'm like, that's not what I meant to teach you. I mean, that's that's good. But but...
Speaker 1:So I'm just glad you got something. Yeah. I know. Right? Alright.
Speaker 1:So we're talking about kids experience mentoring before the material. You can't give what you don't have. We talked about consistency. Kids are watching more than listening. And last one, number five, Cinco.
Speaker 1:Curriculum can help, but it's the relationship that carries it. It's the relationship that makes it worth paying attention to. Yeah. Yeah. And so, yeah, guys, just like, you know, a kid doesn't care what you know till they know that care.
Speaker 1:And That's good. It is, you know, it is it is such such a big deal. Just let's keep the main thing the main thing. And the main thing is building a a a safe environment where trusting relationships can be cultivated, and everything after that is secondary. Everything.
Speaker 1:I still can't tell you what my favorite teacher said. I, for the most part, can't even tell you what my mentor said, but I can tell you exactly how they made me feel. And I can know that I know that if I got in trouble, I could call them and they'd pick up. That's a that's a huge deal. So
Speaker 2:You know how I know that this is true? Because I can't tell you how many times my wife has said something that was absolutely true and absolutely factual, and I didn't receive it. And somebody else said the same thing, and then I gobbled it up, right? This is like how we know relationship can impact how we receive information. You know, on the other end, you know, my dad could probably tell me something that was absolutely preposterous, and I would just gobble it up, without even rationalizing, without even using any logic, I would just, because that's that's hisso.
Speaker 2:And somebody else would try to come up against it that didn't have that same relationship, and I wouldn't receive it, wouldn't even consider it. And so we know relationship is important as it pertains to the transfer of information. And so, when we're talking about building trust, being consistent, we're talking about becoming the content, we talk about availability, modeling behavior, all those different things, it's because we got something we believe they need, and we know that in order to put a little sugar on the spoon, in order to put some cheese on the broccoli, in order for them to get it, relationship has to be developed first. Trust has to be developed first. Consistency has to be developed first.
Speaker 2:Because if we don't have those things in place, it comes time to those hard moments, redirection and correction, they won't receive it as well without relationship.
Speaker 1:Gotta keep the main thing the main thing. You know? It's so good, Derrick. So good. Alright.
Speaker 1:Well, those those are our five things. Yeah. The main kind of question here, are we spending as much time developing the person, the character of the mentor as we are developing the program for the mentor? That's good. Be a person who's becoming like Jesus.
Speaker 1:Be a person who looks like Jesus. Do your best to create an environment where these kids feel safe, where trust can be built. And I promise you, it might take a while. Good things are gonna happen. The mentor is the program.
Speaker 1:Kids don't need you to be perfect. They don't need you to be impressive. They just need you to be there. They just need your presence. You will create who you are, and it's it's it's just so hard to beat faithfulness.
Speaker 1:It's so hard to be a consistent person who's showing up for this kid, who makes them feel valued, who makes them feel worth. And, guys, just know that, like, who you are will always speak so much louder than the words that you say. So it's good. Anything else?
Speaker 2:No. If if I say something else, we're go for another ten minutes. I'm a just
Speaker 1:That's a great that's a great point. You know? Alright. Thank you so much for tuning into the Youth Mentor Podcast. Share this with your mentoring friends, your staff, your volunteers, your board, your neighbor, your cat, whoever you want.
Speaker 1:Put that hat on backwards. Dab on them. Alright? Shout you, boy.
Speaker 2:You, boy. Check out the You
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Speaker 1:Join the network. Youcanmentor.com. Follow me, Zach Garza, on LinkedIn. Follow us on social media at you can mentor. Derrick loves Dennis Rodman, and we're out.
Speaker 1:Remember, you can mentor. Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor Podcast. Our vision is to raise up and invest in mentoring leaders who will launch and grow thriving mentoring ministries. Ministries. We do that by equipping and encouraging faith based leaders through relational connection, Christ centered resources and collaborative gatherings.
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