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Collection of tracks for demonstrations
Introduction to Microaggressions: LGBTQ+
Brought to you by Assemble You.
It's time to work on YOU. So sit back and listen to practical, actionable advice to accelerate your progress.
In this track, we'll cover:
What a microaggression is
The sometimes subtle but always harmful nature of microaggressions
Microaggressions specifically experienced by LGBTQ+ people in the workplace
And finally, practical guidance for fostering a more inclusive workplace through more considered use of language
LGBTQ+ stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning. The '+' is an inclusive symbol for people who don't fit into traditional categories of gender or sexuality. This track will specifically cover microaggressions relating to LGBTQ+ individuals, but it's important to note that homophobia, racism, transphobia, sexism, and ableism are related. The discrimination LGBTQ+ people face is compounded by other factors such as class, ethnicity, disability and the associated lack of inclusivity in the workplace. Sexual orientation and gender are just two elements of a person's identity.
As Shelley Zalis, for Forbes, explains:
The term microaggression dates back to the 1970s, when it was coined by psychiatrist and Harvard professor Chester M. Pierce, MD, and primarily referred to issues around race. In recent years, it's evolved to describe acts of subtle bias and discrimination towards marginalized groups of people, in areas such as race, gender, sexual orientation and those with disabilities.
The key takeaway is that microaggressions are slight, subtle, and sometimes undetectable to outsiders. What's crucial to remember is that their impact is far from "micro". They're commonplace and sometimes flippantly delivered, but that doesn't undermine their significance and capacity to cause harm. They "can lead to a hostile work environment, decreased productivity, feelings of being devalued and excluded and can even fuel mental health challenges". As Dana Brownlee, in their article for Forbes, explains, "they're easy to miss if you don't know what you're looking for". They're seemingly harmless, might appear complimentary, and might be framed as inoffensive questions. They are actually expressions of discrimination. Dana Brownlee goes on to remind us that "there is no litmus test for microaggressions. What is considered a microaggression will vary by person, situation, level of relationship, delivery tone, history, context and other factors".
An example might be getting somebody's name wrong. In some contexts, this is entirely understandable and a legitimately harmless mistake that we've all made. But if there are two gay men in the office, who share very few similarities other than being openly gay, and you get their names confused regularly, then this could be validly considered a microaggression. In this case, if you're not making an effort to get somebody's name right and view them as their own distinct person, you're perhaps revealing your own bias that you don't respect their individuality.
Perhaps you've heard someone assume a woman has a partner who's a man. Or they've said something like "I didn't expect you to have a boyfriend" to a man. These comments perpetuate the assumption that being straight is the default and being anything else is inherently remarkable.
Similarly, a microaggression could be mentioning somebody's gender identity or sexual orientation when it has absolutely no relevance to the point you're making. Say you want to point one colleague out to another colleague, and you say, "Alex is sitting over there, he's wearing a yellow hat today, so you'll easily notice him. He's got a boyfriend, by the way". You might think you've mentioned his partner without judgement, but why are you saying it at all. What are you hoping to indicate to your colleague about Alex? Perhaps you are unintentionally communicating that you think being gay or bisexual is a notable characteristic to share with the team. You'd be highlighting that it's somehow someone's predominant trait and sets them apart from the rest of the team.
Max Siegel, trans DEI consultant and influencer, talks about microaggressions and people asking questions in the workplace. “The first piece of advice that I give people is consent. We often hear consent talked about in very different conversations, but I like to bring it into workplace conversations. So someone comes up to me, is like “can I ask you a question”? and I'm like, “oh, God” because usually it's something weird. If someone comes up to me and says I have a question about pronouns, do you mind if I ask you about it? I'm like “yeah, sure”. You know, this is my job. I talk about this all the time. The question is being asked with respect, I've been asked for consent, I'm fine with it. There are some people who absolutely will not want that at all, but it's very, very personal. So I think there has to be a consent question there. And it's also about how that question is framed. Because if somebody is asking me to effectively justify my existence and justify the fact that I've been able to access hormones or that I'm able to live openly as a trans man, that is where I draw the line. I will not defend myself. I will not defend my existence”.
Be mindful, too, of your capacity to out somebody who is trans or not straight. "Outing" is when you disclose an LGBTQ+ person's gender identity or sexual orientation without their consent. This is fundamentally disrespectful of somebody's privacy but can also be incredibly dangerous. If you are unsure whether someone is out to another person, assume that they are not unless you are explicitly told otherwise. If you need to discuss someone’s gender identity or sexuality to someone else, confirm that they are comfortable with you doing so. For example, a transgender person who is transitioning whilst at work may wish for the HR team to be made aware, but may not want any other colleagues to know.
People may not intend to cause harm with their language. Someone might make a comment that they think is well-meaning. For example, saying to someone who is bisexual that you "never would have guessed they weren't straight". This comment specifically reinforces the idea that there is somehow one way to be bisexual and that your opinion on that is important. It communicates that you inherently believe someone's sexual orientation is your concern and that there is a correct or assumed way of being bi. It also implies being bisexual is negative, something to be hidden, and that they've achieved something by supposedly not giving it away in their behaviours. This is true of the statement “you don’t look trans”, too. Someone may consider this a compliment, but actually it implies a very narrow view of gender and that to “look trans” is inherently a negative thing. Dr Pragya Agarwal, in their Forbes article, explains, "as a person from a minority community in a workplace, this kind of instance can occur quite often even when there is no blatant and explicit discrimination or harassment". After all, discrimination is still discrimination even when it's carried out quietly and packaged politely.
And repeatedly facing this can be demotivating, exhausting, and damaging. Someone's self-esteem and confidence are likely to be impacted. This is likely to affect their general well-being and performance at work. Somebody may even feel unsafe if they are continually hearing derogatory comments. It can be incredibly stressful to have to absorb, retain, and report microaggressions. Plus, someone might face questions and doubt from seniors that a comment was offensive. Microaggressions within a homophobic or transphobic workplace culture can be harmfully passed off as jokes or banter. This overlooks how damaging they are, and encourages a culture where people are afraid to speak up as they do not believe they will be taken seriously. Max Siegel, a transgender speaker, DEI consultant & influencer, highlights how trans people “...are ignored and belittled when we try to speak up for ourselves, forced to shout over the din, only to be immediately [be] branded as unreasonable and uninformed”. In the workplace, if homophobic or transphobic abuse is minimised and individuals are expected to keep quiet about their experiences, when victims do speak up they are denigrated for causing problems. If this happens, the original issue remains unaddressed and an environment becomes even less safe.
So we've heard that microaggressions are manifestations of unquestioned assumptions, stereotypes, and biases that we hold. What ideas could you be maintaining and unintentionally promoting via your behaviours and the language you use? As Carmen Acton explores in their article for HBR, "when we choose to become aware of our shortcomings, we can use what we discover to inform our leadership style and correct (or avoid perpetuating) discriminatory behavior". What are your core beliefs about individuals who are LGBTQ+? What assumptions might you be making about them? And where are the gaps in your knowledge? These questions might feel uncomfortable to answer, but they reveal what you might be communicating to others on a daily basis. What you aren't doing or saying can be as important as what you are. Now's the time to scrutinise your own values. As Shelley Zalis phrases it, "many of us need to become a little more comfortable with being uncomfortable". That's the point at which we develop, grow, and reflect on what we need to do differently. And if you're actively and openly scrutinising your own behaviours, you're sending a clear message to your employees that progress is possible. A great phrase to approach this area is “respect before understanding”. We often react to things we do not understand with dismissal or fear, but sitting with our lack of knowledge and offering respect and kindness whilst taking the time to learn provides a much more worthwhile experience.
Perhaps you could also call out the microaggressions you hear. You can make clear that certain language is not tolerated in your workplace. You can hold yourself and others accountable for the stereotypes you are perpetuating. Importantly, remember to listen to your LGBTQ+ colleagues and trust what they are highlighting. You might not have noticed a microaggression, but they will be adept at detecting homophobia and transphobia through the experiences they've had. "Microaggressions are causes and symptoms of larger systemic and structural problems" so you must be vigilant to what your colleagues' words are indicating about the workplace culture. For someone who is already marginalised, advocating for themselves is incredibly difficult. If historically a community has not been respected or listened to, or has in fact been subject to violence and hate, it is hard to trust that they’ll be heard. Especially if previous reactions have been dismissive, belittling, and critical. This reinforces the value of a united, inclusive, and representative leadership team that is committed to challenging abuse. You can take the very first steps to fostering a more accessible and safer workplace today.
That brings us to the end of the track. Make a concerted effort this week to listen out for microaggressions relating to LGBTQ+ people and note their frequency. Start to check your own language. Do you often interact with people assuming they are straight? How might this impact your use of language? And remember to scrutinise what might be making you uncomfortable.