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Veterans know how to lead. The lessons we learned in the military form the foundation for bigger successes in business, entrepreneurship and community.
Host John S Berry, CEO of Berry Law, served as an active-duty Infantry Officer in the U.S. Army, finishing his military career with two deployments and retiring as a Battalion Commander in the National Guard. Today, his veteran led team at Berry Law, helps their clients fight some of the most important battles of their lives. Leading successful teams in the courtroom, the boardroom, and beyond, veteran leadership drives the firm’s rapid growth and business excellence.
Whether building teams, synchronizing operations, or refining tactics, we share our experiences, good and bad, to help you survive, thrive and dominate.
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[00:00:02.02] - John S. Berry
When was the last time you were betrayed?
[00:00:05.21] - John S. Berry
Welcome to Veteran Led. I'm your host, John Berry. As a leader, no matter how great of a leader you become, you will get an undeserved knife in the back, and it will hurt. This unexpected betrayal may come from a mentor, a business partner, a trusted team member, a family member, even a spouse. The fate of the great leaders is betrayal. Hopefully, the backstabbing you experience will not be as fatal as it was for the great Julius Caesar. Remember, Brutus stabs Caesar out of jealousy. But in many cases, we never learn the true motive behind the betrayal. For some of us, it drives us crazy. In the military, stories of betrayal are common folklore, whether it's Jody, you know Jody, the guy that waits around for you to go on deployment and then he starts dating your spouse, or the stories of betrayal about the Blue Falcon who came in and took credit for your project, or even worse stories of betrayal, where the senior noncommissioned officer was ripping off junior soldiers and abusing her rank. Now look, some of you may you have been thrown under the bus at a staff meeting which caused you to get blamed for a failure, resulting in you not getting a promotion you deserved.
[00:01:38.05] - John S. Berry
Or maybe you were passed up for promotion because a Blue Falcon, aka buddy ******, took credit for the work you did. Or if you own a business, one of your rising stars whom you've been mentoring, tries to incite a coup to take your best people, start another business, and compete with you. Your long-time trusted business partner may steal from you, and your spouse may have an affair with one of your employees, in which case both have betrayed you. There are only two stories as old as time, and those are stories of grace and betrayal. If you're going to lead, you're going to get a knife in the back, and it will hurt. But even Caesar knew that that would be his fate. That was common back in his day. That jealousy, and several other reasons, could lead to betrayal. Now, that knife in the back creates holes, and sometimes it fills with loneliness. But that is when real friends show up. Sometimes your best course of action after a betrayal is to give the outward appearance of ignoring the betrayal. But internally, you remove that person from your life. No one needs to know why, no one needs to know the circumstances, and you can even be friendly, but you can never trust that person again.
[00:03:16.05] - John S. Berry
That's okay as a leader, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Now, other times, you may need to go public and call out the betrayal. When that betrayal could have catastrophic consequences, you may come to appreciate H. L. Menken's words from over a century ago. "Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats." That's a strong quote, but it reminds us that sometimes after a betrayal, the easiest thing to do is to go on the defensive. But Menken I can suggest that our nature is to go on the offensive. As I personally reflect on some of my recent betrayals, I smile with gratitude for the friends who helped me take the knife out of my back. After a recent betrayal this year, I received a small gift from Mike Mogill, the CEO of CRISP. After he learned what had happened, he sent me this K-bar knife with my name engraved, and he wanted to let me know that was going to help take that knife out of my back and that I had the support. I always appreciate friends that stand by you when you're going through your worst times and do it in a way where they don't burden you, but they want to send the message that they care.
[00:04:44.04] - John S. Berry
Another one was Tony Goins, a former Marine who listened with confidentiality and provided sage advice. Then Channing Walker, who didn't just ask, "How are you doing?" He had people call me and when I was out of the state, he tracked me down and said, "I am going to meet with you. We are going to talk about this." He wanted to make sure that I was okay. I think that's really important because anybody can call and say, "How are you doing?" But it's another to say, "Are you working? Are you eating? Are you exercising? Who have you been talking to? What's going on in your life? I am going to see you." Channing Walker, a great Veteran and a great friend. And then Freddie Kim, who not only came to see me after the event, but then, as a headhunter, reminded me that anyone can be replaced, and in fact, they can and should be replaced with an upgrade. And my longtime friend, Jenn Gore, who showed me a much bigger future and so many more opportunities after the betrayal. She reminded me that sometimes, betrayals give us freedoms that we've always had, but that we didn't ever take advantage of because in our own mind, we weren't free.
[00:06:02.17] - John S. Berry
So sometimes that betrayal can free you up from a toxic relationship, a bad relationship, a bad partnership. Sometimes it's the best thing that can ever happen to you. But one of the toughest muscles that we have to develop as leaders is the muscle that says, this isn't my fault, because as leaders, we want to experience that extreme ownership. We want to say, if anything happens in our world, it's because we caused it. But the reality is, we don't control everything. And while sometimes if you are betrayed, you may have earned it. There are other things that are beyond your control, and you have to give yourself grace, and sometimes you have to give others grace and forgive them and move on. But that doesn't mean that you ever trust them again. And so sometimes it's important to step back and understand that you may have had nothing to do with this betrayal. It was what was going on in the other person's mind. But that doesn't mean that you're ever going to let it happen again. You owe yourself better, you owe your team better and your organization better that you will not let someone ever, ever betray you or the organization again.
[00:07:19.04] - John S. Berry
Now, sometimes you just have to harden the **** up. I remember my dad told me this when I was about 16 years old. I was headed to New Mexico Military Institute. He said, "You know, in military school, time will go by so fast. You're going to graduate before you know it." He said, "But there will be minutes that will seem like hours." For those of us that have served, you can remember being in the front-leaning rest thinking that you'd been in this position for hours because it hurt so bad, or you've been in PowerPoint presentations that were so boring, it seemed like every minute of that presentation lasted over an hour. That's just the way life is. The most painful, monotonous, and boring things seem to take forever, and yet when you're having a great time with your friends, it happens fast. But it all comes to pass. I think one of the hardest questions that people ask themselves after a betrayal is, am I enough? The real answer is, no, you are not enough. None of us are ever enough. But, that is the wrong question. The question is not whether you are enough, but where do you stop?
[00:08:49.04] - John S. Berry
Do you stop after a betrayal? Or do you chase the call of H. L. Menken to spit on your hands, hoist the black flag, and to start slitting throats? Now, I'm not being literal, and I am not advocating violence because that will end poorly. No betrayal is worth going to prison. Let me say that again. No betrayal is worth going to prison. I say that as someone who in the past defended people charged with crimes, and some of them were crimes of passion, where people were really upset and they felt betrayed, and they went out and they got revenge. That's usually a bad idea. I remember that Mafia saying that revenge is a dish best to best served cold. Or as some people would say, the best revenge is to live an even better life. But the one thing that you cannot do, that you must never do, is allow that betrayal to defeat you. Do not let it allow you to devolve into violence where you do something that you will regret. Do not let it lay you on the ground immobile. Do not let it steal your fire, your passion. Because in the end, we will all be betrayed again and again.
[00:10:03.09] - John S. Berry
And that is part of being a leader. That is part of being a giver. That is part of being vulnerable and putting yourself out there. But if you don't have the guts to do those things, you're not really leading. But to Menken's point, getting in touch with your primal drive to overcome that betrayal can be important. Sometimes that betrayal forces forced us to grow and develop and face uncomfortable situations in ways that we had never imagined and that we would not become the people or leaders that we are had we not faced that betrayal. I recently watched the series about Billy Joel. At one point, his manager had stolen something like $90 million from him. And while Billy Joel could have fought for it, he said, no, I'm just going to go back and keep playing music, and I'm going to make that money back. And it made Billy Joel an even better performer because it made him do more. It made him go to the next level. I think for a lot of people, being pushed to that next level is a gift. It's a great gift. The betrayals that happen to us are often the spring board for the greater, better future.
[00:11:18.08] - John S. Berry
I remember seeing a recent quote, and I don't know who gets credit, but the quote goes something like this, "Betrayal reinforces the importance of resilience. The power of forgiveness, and the strength to move forward with grace." Now, my father told me a story about a relative who learned that his wife was having an affair, and she left him for the other man. My dad asked that relative, "Did you ever see the man again who stole your wife?" He replied, "Yes, I did." My dad "What did you do? Did you hit him?" And the relative said, "No. I shook his hand and I thanked him for getting that person out of my life." You see, every betrayal creates a scar. But that scar is an opportunity to become even better, to become an even better team member, mentor, business partner, parent or spouse. Every betrayal is an opportunity to become an even better leader.
[00:12:40.17] - John S. Berry
Thank you for joining us today on Veteran Led, where we pursue our mission of promoting veteran leadership in business, strengthening the veteran community, and getting veterans all of the benefits that they earned. If you know a leader who should be on the Veteran Led podcast, report to our online community by searching at Veteran Led on your favorite social channels and posting in the comments.
[00:13:03.05] - John S. Berry
We want to hear how your military challenges prepared you to lead your industry or community, and we will let the world know. And of course, hit subscribe and join me next time on Veteran Led.