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with Basma Awada
0:00:00
You're listening to locally produced programming created in KUNV Studios on public radio. KUNV 91.5. What's up, everybody? Welcome to ROFL.
0:00:12
ROFL. The show about motivation and being yourself.
0:00:17
That's right.
0:00:18
What does ROFL? Reach out for love. Show about motivation and love. Being yourself. How do you be yourself? Let's find out. My vibes off today. You're sleepy. Yeah, well, I told Wesley right before the broadcast that I haven't slept for a whole day or two.
0:00:41
Also, sometimes most cogent thoughts come together, is when I am tired enough but still going that it kind of, it becomes like a new form of energy. It's like a second wind or a third wind, but it's kind of like the filter is gone. It's like I've rebooted in safe mode, but I wouldn't call it safe mode, I'd call it like chaos mode, goblin mode as some people say, just because my instinct like snap of a finger thought is not like messed up, but is some of the most like cut to the quick, almost like hurtful thoughts sometimes.
0:01:22
No, I definitely agree with that for myself because sometimes I have no, I mean, I naturally have no filter. I just always randomly say things and then I don't really think about the consequences until like later when they hit me and then I'm like, oh, I probably shouldn't have said that.
0:01:40
I saw some meme the other day floating around that was like, me not talking, aw man, I'm being awkward. Me talking, aw man, I'm being awkward.
0:01:48
Yeah, basically, that's what my friends always used to say. I wonder what it would be like to go and like get you drunk or something or you just drinking once.
0:01:57
That would be fun.
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I just always say random stuff. But I don't really like that about me though, at the same time, that I'm so random, but people like that about me.
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Nah. No, see, I was gonna say, you should just like, let that, let your freak flag fly as this thing goes.
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No, because the thing is, it's so easy for me to be that loopy person versus the smart person.
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You can be loopy and smart, have you not met like scientists? No. Have you not seen Back to the Future?
0:02:21
Wait, what do you mean?
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Like what do you mean by, because I think that your version of loopy is different than my version of loopy.
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I mean probably, but like what do you mean? Let's go off of your definition.
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My definition is just like I've had people straight up tell me, oh you shouldn't act like this because you look like you're not educated. And then, yeah.
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Like you come off like you're not educated.
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I come off as uneducated or I come off as I'm acting stupid because they know I'm educated and then or I just come up.
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That's just because they're intimidated by your brilliance.
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I'm not even that smart.
0:02:57
See, that's how you know you're smart though. It's like a smart person is not going to be like... The Catch-22 is like the smartest people will...
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No.
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They will just kind of come off and just be like, like, yeah, I'm kind of dumb. Oh, I'm not like really stupid and like... You take the wind out of your own sails kind of, but that's usually a mark of intelligence is not really having, at least all the time, like not operating from just like sheer ego, you know?
0:03:21
What? Well, that means, wait, well, if I think I'm not smart, that means I'm smart.
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You saw the TikTok.
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I'm smart.
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You saw the TikTok.
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I know.
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I'm glad you-
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Wait, but if I think I'm smart now-
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Then I'm dumb. That's exactly it.
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When you said that, I was like, oh my God, this video I saw on TikTok.
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That's exactly it. We saw the same one.
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So funny. I was just like, yes.
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And we don't have each other added on TikTok, but apparently we see the same stuff on the FYP.
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Yeah, on the FYP.
0:03:48
That's helpful. But yeah, what were you gonna ask me?
0:03:50
If you found yourself in a situation that you, like last time we were talking about what you liked. Now we're talking about when you found that thing that you liked, what were you going through? What was that thought process? Because in my, for example, I'll give you an example. In my life, when I find something I like, it's just so natural, or I find things I dislike. Like for example, one day I was playing a game on TikTok, or not TikTok, like a snake game called Slither.io. And so I just started playing that game, and I was just like, I was bored that day. I was like, ah, those...
0:04:26
I mean, why else are you playing Slither other than you're either bored and trying to kill time?
0:04:31
Right, right. And then I'll have... Okay, so I'll get to the second part later. But like, the first part is, I was playing Slither, and then I decided, oh, you know what, I'm just going to record myself talking to myself and just post it online. And then it goes viral. And then I'm like, what?
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Wait, it did?
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It did, yeah.
0:04:47
Oh, wow. Viral like how?
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viral like I have 200,000 followers and 20 million likes and over like something.
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Was this on what platform?
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On tik tok.
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Oh, wow.
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Yeah, I was just like, what people like my snake videos, but then when it comes to things I like, like naturally enjoy like my singing. Yeah, I don't know how to talk about that with people.
0:05:09
I'm just like, because you're I think that maybe that comes from like the fear of being automatically judged.
0:05:14
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Well, yeah. Well, I think like this, like an internal thing, though. Yeah. Because it's not something that I used to think about as a kid. I was, oh, no, I was just like, Oh, judge me, bro.
0:05:23
I don't. Yeah, no, little kids are weird like that, like the best way. Like, I kind of wish that in a lot of senses that as we grew up, like, I wish it was easier. And also that our society at large kind of reinforced that, like, it's okay to just kind of be goofy and weird and like love the things you love unabashedly and unashamedly. Yeah and when you get older you have to lose that. Yeah they say that you have to like yeah because it's like. You don't have to but you just find yourself. It's like getting old is inevitable but like growing up is
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optional. I mean I definitely agree with that it's just easier said than done, right?
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Yeah, exactly. I'm not trying to say like...
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No, no, I know.
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Trust me.
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We know.
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Yeah, yeah, we know.
0:06:08
Go check out our last broadcast. I might be able to say some stuff pretty succinctly, but that doesn't mean that it's not easy. Like knowing and doing are two different things completely. And if you're like me and you have executive dysfunction, the problem with you is literally, or me rather, is literally that you know and you have trouble doing. Like connecting the the the right the rear part of the brain with the front part of the brain to make everything
0:06:30
Right come together. And the thing is I find that you and me share a lot Wesley is that you I think that you also Delve into psychology growing up. Thank you. I want to understand why things are going this way
0:06:42
Yeah, well, I had problems to solve at home. I was like, why am I waking up and like having a bunch of racing thoughts. How come, how come when the sun goes down, I get depressed? Right. When I realized it's really weird. So like, I've been working intently working on like, my mental and emotional health and like my therapy and healing journeys for, well, I don't, I'm bad with like, numbers and stuff. But like, basically, yeah, pretty much basically, that's why I have a journalism degree. I'm not good at math. I saw you with your calculators over there. I don't have a calculator. Calculating. She's lying. She's lying. So I told you. So we were talking before this broadcast and I forget what it was, but I replied with a SpongeBob quote because of course I did. It's very on brand for my brain. We were laughing about it. And I said half of my brain is SpongeBob quotes and the other half is Simpsons
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quotes.
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Do you feel like if you ever have these moments where you don't want to share certain quotes, cause you're like, if I tell these quotes to people, they're going to be like, why, why do you even watch or think like
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that? Yeah I really don't care. Because like I have those thoughts. Yeah. Oh I
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want to tell people this story but it's too crazy I can't tell people this story.
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Sometimes it's not even that it's crazy it's that it requires them to kind of already be familiar with whatever your frame of reference is. So if you have a thought and it connects to like something that you would have think you would think or assume that you would get judged for because like whatever. Right, right. We're 28 years old but we're like the reference has to do with like SpongeBob. And so you're thinking on the outset you're like I don't want to bring it up because you know it's like related to SpongeBob and we're like almost 30 and like who's you know who's doing that like we're grown.
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It's more like there's people out there who have not seen SpongeBob. Oh yeah they're either not seeing it.
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Which is crazy to me.
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Or they just like don't like it. I'm like what? I understand if you don't like Spongebob
0:08:28
after season after season 3 in the first movie. Who are you people?
0:08:34
RIP Steven Hillenburg. I was asking you, when you come to these situations where you have to find your quote-unquote happy place and kind of like enjoying what you're doing. Yeah. Like how do you find those situations? Because for me it's kind of like it just happens.
0:08:50
I was going to say, for me, it's the same. And also just kind of letting my intuition lead a little bit. Like for a good example, getting my degree from Greenspun, there's so many different avenues you can go in the degree while you're getting it. Because there's print, there's TV and broadcast, there's radio, there's marketing. All of those are part of journalism to a degree.
0:09:12
Right, right.
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Exactly.
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There's like different branches. Yeah, exactly. And it's hard for sometimes to just choose one.
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Yeah, exactly. So like I started focusing on print because like I can write and then I realized radio was part of it obviously and I was like, ooh, but I like music and I like that.
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Right.
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And then I kind of juggled both. I did an intro to everything, all of them because, you know, why not?
0:09:36
No, I can actually tell. I was thinking about you literally at the beginning of this broadcast too. I was like, every single time I talk with Wesley, he's got a little bit of information on every single topic. Yeah. Which gets me to think that you've delved into almost everything trying to find what you like to do. And so you have a good, or you've worked in journalism and just learned about things, but in general, I can tell you do a lot of research.
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I just gather information, man. My brain is just kind of like a sponge and it'll just soak up information. Whether or not it's actually useful or like I can I can put it together for good use. Great you know all this stuff and like whatever and then I have to go and push it towards. Or you're expected to do something. Exactly like an expectation that is not my own that's not like set by myself. Right. Or or the second I have to like monetize a habit I like have no interest in doing it just because it becomes soulless.
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That is something I hear from a lot of people. Yeah. For me, it's kind of like, obviously, okay, if you start monetizing something, that's like the perfect opportunity for you to grow yourself as an artist, grow your brand. Only because I studied economic economics. Oh, I know. Yeah. So now like they've engraved that in my head, like when the opportunity presents itself, go, go, go. But even now, like with my TikTok, I literally don't make money off of it.
0:10:56
I have so many opportunities. And I would hazard a guess that you would have more fun not making money than having the pressure of, I like it outside of the profit motive, but then I have to do it for the profit motive. So you introduce a stressor, you introduce kind of like like it's just like you don't want to be like your thing because it's not the only thing
0:11:20
that you do or that you like or that you well actually that's actually not for me and you know this cuz like I do too many things at the same time this is true that's not though that's not the thing that stops me the thing that stops me from making money off of it is just the thought of me working for money. Like, I don't know how to explain it. Yeah. Because to me, anything I do is just like an art, which obviously I would, I'm grateful, I'm blessed to make money off of it. But I feel like some people are just born with this business mentality where they, they just naturally make money for no matter what they do. Like, I can't tell you how many times I've done things for free. And I'll be overqualified by like way, way above.
0:12:02
And they're like, they're practically expecting to pay you and you're like, nah.
0:12:05
Yeah, exactly. I'll be like, no, don't worry about it.
0:12:07
I'm the same way. The thing is, I really don't, if I like what I do, I don't want to take money from you, because like, it doesn't sit right with my soul, I don't know.
0:12:18
But then later I do think about it, and I'm like, am I a failure? You know what I mean?
0:12:24
Am I a failure because I didn't exploit people for money?
0:12:27
No, it's not even about exploiting.
0:12:28
I know, I know.
0:12:28
I'm just no, but you're bringing up a really good topic because there are situations like think about all these tick talkers out there that are like getting donations, the profit motive and does it actually matter?
0:12:39
Right.
0:12:40
So if we're, the answer is no. The, well, the thing is, if you're working, you deserve to get paid. That doesn't mean just because someone else is getting paid doesn't mean you shouldn't get paid. So that's something I'm trying to teach myself. It's a very difficult mentality to get into because it doesn't come natural to me. No, because you just give. You're just a giver. I know, but I want to be the receiver so that I can give more.
0:13:06
Right? Yeah, I know. Seriously.
0:13:08
It's like people sometimes want to do the most, but can't and it bothers me. But I mean I'm going to. One
0:13:17
day I'm going to. I mean I won't go into details but you know exactly where I'll be going with this but like our... Capitalism. I was gonna say our society is built for the worst among us to rise to the top. Well
0:13:29
that's you know every single time you mention that like I always think about it more and more but I don't think that's the way it's got to be. It doesn't have to be, but that's the way things are set up. Yeah, a lot of things are set up like that. I agree. We should be able to break out of it. We should be able to do a little bit of disestablishmentarianism. I think that the interesting part is, what I've learned about finding your happy place, when you find something that you're truly like, passionate, passionate about, and that you really enjoy, and then you find yourself doing it and then you might leave it or do something else and actually not get paid money or not grow, quote unquote, grow from it. Like sometimes I'm not getting upset with it, I'm getting more competitive with it. So like, I'll be like, okay, cool. They did that, I did this, but theirs is better. I applaud them and I'm really happy for them and everything, but I'm going to do it too. So I start getting super competitive. I'm going to let you have your happiness, but also I'm going to have the best video
0:14:33
of all time. No, but I hate that about myself.
0:14:37
I only do that because it's like a game. It's not even something that I'm genuinely finding for myself. I'm finding I'm always looking outside to find my inner happiness.
0:14:51
That's called external validation.
0:14:52
Right, exactly.
0:14:53
And the thing is, that's the wrap up of this whole thing, is that when you guys find that internal happiness where you don't actually have to prove yourself to not just anyone but also yourself, that is when you protrude happiness. Like you give out all this happiness.
0:15:10
You don't mean protrude, you mean exude. Exude happiness.
0:15:14
That word, yes.
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I got you. I have the prodigious lexicon.
0:15:18
Thank you.
0:15:19
Yes, you do. I won the kindergarten spelling bee.
0:15:21
That's true, actually.
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I did.
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We did talk about that, though.
0:15:24
What, that I won the kindergarten spelling bee?
0:15:26
No, we talked about you having a very broad vocabulary.
0:15:28
Oh, yeah.
0:15:29
No, that's ridiculous.
0:15:30
You really won a spelling bee, though?
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I think I'm hyperlexic.
0:15:33
You were actually a spelling bee kid?
0:15:35
That's cool. Yeah. So kindergarten, you had like the whole this is back in Washington State So we have like the whole the whole school of it was like one of those K through six schools And we like had the whole All the kids who wanted to compete like in one room. What was the hardest word you have to spell?
0:15:52
I don't remember. I just remember that I want you spell okay. I'm gonna test you right now. Okay. Can you spell? Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious I could but like I'm gonna why do I have to do that right now? Oh, you don't have to. Sorry. I see this is my competitive side.
0:16:07
You're like, do it.
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Just do it.
0:16:09
Oh my God, I have to say something before I leave. Okay, you guys know how I was taking 21 credits and they said my max is 22. Well, I kept fighting to take 24 because I was like, guys, come on. I already got my master's. This is not that big a deal. I can study. I know what I'm doing.
0:16:24
I've already proven I can handle all the suffering. I can do this. Just let me suffer. I'm choosing. I'm choosing
0:16:26
Well, anyways, be a little Getting super unwell for like a week and I was super fatigued or something And then spent all this time saying I can take it. I can take it
0:16:36
I know you're like I can't the thing that happened was like after I got sick. I was like
0:16:41
Alright, literally the day before. All right, I give up. I'm just not gonna take the class I'm just gonna leave my classes the way they are because I got messages from the VPs, like the top dogs and the whole, the whole, the CEOs, I don't know, you know what I mean?
0:16:57
Just the programs, yeah.
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They were telling me that I'm not allowed to take more than 22 credits. But I decided, I was like, man, because I had an inner voice telling me I should get into music theory. And I'm already halfway in the semester. And my teacher and my director are really pushing me. They're like, you can do this. We know you can do this.
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You can't be a master at something and not suck at it first.
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But well, that's the thing. It's not something that, oh, we can talk about this later about being naturally good at something.
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We'll talk about this. Oh, yeah.
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I know that kills a lot of my motivation. If I'm not like instantly good at something, I'm like, you know, no, actually, you'll be happy.
0:17:29
You'll be happy to know then that actually majority of people who are very good at something did a lot of work in the background. Then they just pretend sometimes most of the time they just pretend that they didn't. Basically the point is the day before because I got no's from all the top dogs I was like you know what forget it I just won't do it. Literally the next day all I heard my my director say was you know the Nike commercial but just do it that's all I'm gonna say. You know the Shia LaBeouf meme from last decade? That's all he said and then I was like all right I'm in and I literally went and like dropped one of my other classes just to get into music I don't know what
0:18:08
happened but now I'm in I think you've oppositional defiance you were like fine
0:18:12
I don't I've been really struggling with this so it's like sometimes these these choices that we make don't come easily to us no and it's something that you're really like oh do I go right do I go left do I go behind me do I go forward I don't know where to go and I don't know what's calling me. And then life all of a sudden... Like, I got sick, right? All my classes... Oh, my whole schedule changed randomly. And I was just like... And all my teachers... Everyone's understanding. And everything. And I'm just like, wait. What? What's going on?
0:18:40
You didn't feel like that energy was in the universe for you. And then suddenly it was like, boom, there it is.
0:18:45
Right. And it's not even like that's the end of it, though. There's always more. That's like...
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But wait, there's more.
0:18:51
But wait! You are not done yet.
0:18:53
There's more
0:18:54
Order now, I don't know. Sorry. I know that's a bad example and everything. No example I get you I'm bringing that example up because everybody always struggles with Finding a their way and if you if you know that someone else is experiencing similar thought processes where you're thinking to yourself All right. Well, I'm not happy now and I'm trying to find happiness, but no opportunities are hitting me or I don't know where to go and this person's saying this and that person's saying this. I'm not gonna lie, I had a voice in my head say, fight for music theory, literally. I just was like, fight for music theory. And it's the middle of the semester, everybody's against me, except for obviously my director and my teacher, they're like, yeah, get in this class.
0:19:32
We want you in there.
0:19:33
But like, it just-
0:19:34
It goes to show just the power of reassurance and also the fact that like we all need it like we can be the most like driven like right right like self-assured people and do all this stuff and like feel like we can and and will conquer the world and everything but we all still need reassurance we all still wrestle with with doubt and worries and fears and it's just like normal human behavior but yeah that you were able to like you had all these you felt like you had all this pressure that was like negative pressure but you had just enough of People like gunning for you and advocating for you and trying like hey You can do it like it's fine and the fact that that was reflected in like your head voice as like I mean in a lot of ways It's like all you really need to know is that is that like it already it's like you're saying having that like the you don't need the external validation You're you're creating it yourself. That's that part of your head voice. It's like no just do the music theory, right?
0:20:37
And and that's when you're working really hard on something and you feel like you're not getting the right support system They're actually those two are very aligned in how far you get in where you want to go Oh, I believe it and we can talk about more of that. I'm next next time I'm excited to hear it, but I really want to know though Wesley because I asked you this at the beginning of broadcast Did you find that happy? Equilibrium I guess
0:21:00
Yeah And I did pretty much like I always say just showing up Putting myself in positions to succeed and not because I did anything fancy or did anything impressive, but I just showed up. I did my best to listen, ask questions with intention and purpose. And biggest thing is realizing that everything takes time. I struggle a lot, like long-term goals, long-term planning, this, that, where I feel like I have to do a whole lot in a very short period of time to be able to make those strides, right? And we get in that mindset that we can force it, or that we have to be able to have this unreasonable amount of control.
0:21:59
What's your only human?
0:22:01
What's that?
0:22:02
You get tired and you break down what's wrong is that only human human by Christina Perry I think fall in my breakdown I'm Wesley in the
0:22:14
control room I don't want to be in charge of this. That's the end of the episode.
0:22:28
We're going to end it on that note.
0:22:30
Oh, I'm going to end it on that.
0:22:32
No! Alright, we're going to talk about coffee,
0:22:36
dark humor,
0:22:38
and working hard.
0:22:40
Thanks for watching ROFL, reaching out for love. If you want to check us out, please go to
0:22:46
BasMati at Instagram. BasMati at Instagram.
0:22:48
See you guys later.
Transcribed with Cockatoo