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As we round the bend toward the conclusion os season 26, one we call Domo Arigato, it’s time to hit the food court with Chopping Mall! We’re talking about how 80s this movie truly is, milking bulls, the readily available explosives in this, and vent freak-outs. Join us, won’t you?
Pick Six Movies is a movie podcast where each season we select six movies, all related to a single theme. We examine the history of the people in front of and behind the camera, try to make sense of how and why the movie was made, then discuss each one in way too much detail to see if they are any good.
Pick Six Movies is hosted by Bo Ransdell and Chad Cooper, two life-long friends with a shared passion for discussing things they barely understand in an attempt to make each other laugh.
Chad: And welcome to Pick Six Movies, the podcast
Chad: where each season, we select six movies all
Chad: related to a single theme, and then on each
Chad: episode we take a look at the people who
Chad: made one of those movies to answer the
Chad: question⦠Huh?
Chad: Then, on top of that, we give you a full
Chad: review of the movie, from start to finish,
Chad: to see if it's any good, and more often
Chad: than not, the movies we review on this
Chad: podcast are genuinely awful.
Chad: I'm Chad Cooper and, along with my lifelong
Chad: friend and podcast co-host, mr Bo Randstall,
Chad: this season's theme is Domo Arigato,
Chad: featuring six movies where robots are up to
Chad: all manner of unexpected hijinks.
Chad: This is episode 5, and boy do we have a
Chad: doozy of a movie for you with Shopping Mall.
Chad: It's everything you want in an 80's slasher
Chad: movie Young adults stranded alone, this
Chad: time in a shopping mall, with a murderous
Chad: killer.
Chad: This time it's three robots and they stalk
Chad: down the young adults one by one and they
Chad: kill them off until the movie ends.
Chad: And you turn it off and you never think
Chad: twice about it for the rest of your life.
Chad: Doesn't that sound delightful?
Chad: Of course it does.
Chad: But enough of my gibber jabber.
Chad: Let's get Mr Bo Randstall in here to
Chad: explain to us how Shopping Malls destroyed
Chad: the America of yesteryear, only to set the
Chad: stage for this terrifyingly terrible
Chad: slasher film.
Chad: Oh, and there's gratuitous nudity, both
Chad: male and female, and I guess there's robot
Chad: nudity, cause they don't wear clothes.
Chad: Can robots be naked?
Chad: Rosie the robot on the Jetson she wore a
Chad: maid's costume, so I guess if she took it
Chad: off she'd be naked.
Chad: You know what Robots can be naked?
Chad: Listen to me.
Chad: Gibber, jabber on.
Chad: Let's just get Mr Bo Randstall in here to
Chad: talk about Shopping Mall before I prattle
Chad: on a little bit more.
Chad: Bo, do that thing, you do.
Bo: Elizabeth King once wrote If capitalism is
Bo: America's religion, the mall is its church.
Bo: The American urge to consume has been bored
Bo: into us through decades of advertising and
Bo: culture.
Bo: Who doesn't love that feeling when a new
Bo: box from Amazon shows up at your door?
Bo: It's a dopamine hit of satisfaction, a
Bo: release of pleasure on account of you
Bo: having more stuff.
Bo: We got rid of the mall and made the stuff
Bo: come right to us.
Bo: An advancement in consumerism, but not so
Bo: much in the world where malls had a
Bo: different intended purpose.
Bo: See, malls weren't supposed to be just a
Bo: place to go and spend money.
Bo: They were supposed to bring us as a society
Bo: together.
Bo: Cue the music fellas.
Bo: It sounds like an introduction.
Bo: The guy who first devised the idea of the
Bo: American shopping mall wasn't some guy in a
Bo: boardroom eager to put all the things you
Bo: can buy in one handy place.
Bo: Nope, it was a Vienna-born architect by the
Bo: name of Victor Gruen, a socialist of all
Bo: things.
Bo: Gruen had noted that people were fleeing
Bo: urban areas in a wake of industrialization
Bo: and he was worried that these suburban
Bo: spaces where the population was flocking to
Bo: would, in his words, create a quote
Bo: feminized space where the only people who
Bo: could possibly live were women and children,
Bo: on account of there being nothing to do but,
Bo: one presumes, bake and clean the house and
Bo: play in the vast stretches of empty spaces.
Bo: Gruen saw this as a problem of society, a
Bo: need for a place where people could come
Bo: together and share in cultural experiences.
Bo: These buildings, in Gruen's mind, would be
Bo: state-owned facilities where people could
Bo: come and mingle, exchange ideas.
Bo: It was a blast of old-fashioned Greek
Bo: democracy, positioned squarely in suburban
Bo: centers.
Bo: So in the 1950s, just as World War II
Bo: provided another boost to the urban flight
Bo: and a rush to the suburbs, gruen began
Bo: building his shopping malls.
Bo: It was a dream that would become, for Gruen,
Bo: a nightmare.
Bo: By the time the 1960s rolled around, there
Bo: were 4,500 shopping malls littering the
Bo: landscape of the suburbs.
Bo: Their presence on city planning,
Bo: infrastructure and the very economies of
Bo: suburban communities cannot be overstated.
Bo: They became cultural centers, sure, but not
Bo: an exchange of ideas as Gruen hoped.
Bo: They were monuments to capitalism and
Bo: consumerism, a place where one could
Bo: compare one's life against another's and
Bo: buy all the things that would fill the gulf
Bo: between the life you had and the life you
Bo: wanted.
Bo: In a 1986 issue of Consumer Reports, this
Bo: shopping mall, as an invention, was named
Bo: one of the 50 greatest consumer innovations
Bo: in history, right up there with antibiotics
Bo: and personal computers.
Bo: In 1985, a law professor at the University
Bo: of California in Los Angeles penned a
Bo: letter attempting to sway the New York
Bo: Court of Appeals to lift a ban on
Bo: pamphleteering in malls.
Bo: The court decided that this sort of thing
Bo: was disruptive to all the shopping and
Bo: buying and food courting.
Bo: But this professor argued that the mall had
Bo: become essentially a town square and some
Bo: amount of disruption in all that.
Bo: Shopping was important and even necessary
Bo: for the betterment of democracy.
Bo: Gruen would have been proud.
Bo: This was what he wanted all along the mall
Bo: as city center, a place where ideas are
Bo: debated and exchanged.
Bo: But not everything was rosy with the advent
Bo: of malls.
Bo: I mean, it started as a way to subvert the
Bo: feminization of suburban culture, already a
Bo: fairly sexist idea.
Bo: But then came the racism.
Bo: Yeah, you knew that was coming.
Bo: Most of the flight from urban areas to the
Bo: suburbs was from your old pal the Caucasian,
Bo: a phenomena known as white flight.
Bo: So more white people than any other
Bo: demographic were fleeing the city,
Bo: percentage wise.
Bo: And it also helped if you could afford a
Bo: car to get to said mall, which required
Bo: reasonable and steady income, something
Bo: white folks had more than their fair share
Bo: of when compared with other groups,
Bo: especially in the 50s and 60s, and the jobs
Bo: opening up in the suburbs.
Bo: Yep, you needed cars to get to them too,
Bo: and basic access to the malls isn't the
Bo: only thing that was inherently problematic
Bo: when discussing race.
Bo: If someone in the black or Hispanic
Bo: community did manage to make it to a mall,
Bo: they reported high degrees of racial
Bo: profiling by mall security 65% of black
Bo: people and 56% of Hispanic people believed
Bo: that they were profiled when entering
Bo: stores and malls.
Bo: According to a 2004 Gallup poll and if you
Bo: needed more proof, barneys of New York and
Bo: Macy's were so guilty of it an
Bo: investigation was called and both stores
Bo: locations were found to practice high
Bo: degrees of racial profiling in their
Bo: anti-theft practices.
Bo: That could explain why, during the Black
Bo: Lives Matter protests of 2015, the largest
Bo: mall in the country, bloomington,
Bo: minnesota's Mall of America, was chosen as
Bo: a site of a large scale protest, as if to
Bo: say here in this place, we do not feel we
Bo: are being respected or treated with basic
Bo: human dignity.
Bo: But, of course, nothing can last.
Bo: Malls fell victim to the one constant
Bo: change.
Bo: Online shopping hit consumers and consumers
Bo: loved it.
Bo: All the stuff.
Bo: None of the walking and shopping and
Bo: shutter being around other people.
Bo: You can have whatever you want dropped on
Bo: your doorstep and you don't even have to
Bo: look at the person who brought it to you.
Bo: The final nail in Gruen's utopian ideal of
Bo: the mall Get rid of all the interaction and
Bo: leave behind the raw consumerism.
Bo: Between 2008 and 2009, malls posted losses
Bo: of 6.5% in sales.
Bo: And suddenly malls were closing, at least
Bo: 15% of them Giant edifices that once
Bo: contained hundreds or thousands of people
Bo: now empty, some left abandoned so that
Bo: nature herself began its reclamation of the
Bo: spaces.
Bo: By 2022, that number was more like 20-25%
Bo: of all malls in this country were closed.
Bo: These are haunted places, these empty and
Bo: abandoned malls.
Bo: To look at the internet, to see some of the
Bo: images, is like looking at sets from some
Bo: post-apocalyptic film.
Bo: Before he died in 1980, gruen said I am
Bo: often called the father of the shopping
Bo: mall.
Bo: I would like to take this opportunity to
Bo: disclaim paternity once and for all.
Bo: I refuse to pay alimony to those bastard
Bo: developments.
Bo: They destroyed our cities.
Bo: It is perhaps fitting that, in the wake of
Bo: his demise, so too did the mall die.
Bo: And yet there is life in the old girl yet,
Bo: or perhaps a resurrection, as befitting our
Bo: Halloween season.
Bo: Local communities have, in some places,
Bo: bought up the old private malls and turned
Bo: them into communal spaces, places where
Bo: local hospitals have satellite centers or
Bo: community colleges or cultural centers.
Bo: For some of these same communities, for
Bo: whom the traditional mall meant profiling
Bo: and disenfranchisement, there is also the
Bo: rise of the Mall Walker, a punchline shore,
Bo: but also a pretty remarkable thing Elderly
Bo: citizens, who are often left behind in the
Bo: need for community as friends and relatives
Bo: die or lose touch or simply don't want to
Bo: be around creepy old people.
Bo: These elderly citizens can go to these
Bo: mostly abandoned malls where there is maybe
Bo: one anchor store holding on an orange
Bo: Julius and then a whole wing devoted to a
Bo: trade school or something.
Bo: They can walk these malls with others like
Bo: them, people still looking for ways to be
Bo: active and to be social.
Bo: Alexandra Lang, who has studied the rise
Bo: and fall of the mall as an institution,
Bo: says about this phenomena quote the mall in
Bo: its quiet early hours provides affordances.
Bo: Most cities and suburbs cannot Open open
Bo: walkways, consistent weather, bathrooms and
Bo: benches.
Bo: A 2010 study found.
Bo: Quote spatial practice often exceeds the
Bo: conceptions of designers and managers,
Bo: transforming malls into community space.
Bo: This is particularly true in declining
Bo: inner suburbs, where poor and racialized
Bo: communities depend more heavily on malls
Bo: for social reproduction as well as
Bo: recreation and consumption.
Bo: It's just a fancy way to say that the malls
Bo: have become actual places of community.
Bo: Again in keeping with our Halloween season,
Bo: gruen had to invent his monster, watch it
Bo: die and then return as the thing he
Bo: intended all along.
Bo: And given the cultural obsession with malls
Bo: in the 1980s, it's no surprise that someone
Bo: would make a horror movie set inside one.
Bo: Someone would expect the king of B-movies,
Bo: roger Corman, to jump on such a thing, but
Bo: you'd be wrong.
Bo: It was his wife, julie Corman, that hitched
Bo: her wagon to the mall craze.
Bo: Julie Corman had a deal with Vestron
Bo: Pictures, one of the great B-movie studios
Bo: of the 80s, to make a horror movie that
Bo: takes place in a mall.
Bo: She turned to a writer-director inside the
Bo: Roger Corman stable to bring her vision to
Bo: life a guy by the name of Jim Wynorski.
Bo: He talked extensively about Wynorski on the
Bo: episode On Return of the Swamp Thing way
Bo: back in season 5, episode 2.
Bo: A movie Wynorski also directed.
Bo: If you don't recall that one or didn't
Bo: listen to that episode, first of all, shame
Bo: on you.
Bo: The short version is that Wynorski is a
Bo: great, a weirdo, with a penchant for large
Bo: breasts and making everything from cheap
Bo: sci-fi movies to cheap skin flicks.
Bo: He's made a career for himself and that's
Bo: something.
Bo: But make no mistake, jim Wynorski is not
Bo: what you would call an auteur.
Bo: Still, at the time of Chopping Mall's
Bo: inception, wynorski was a go-to guy in the
Bo: Corman world, having written movies like
Bo: Forbidden World and Sorceress and
Bo: Screwballs a porkey's knockoff for Corman
Bo: and he had recently written and directed
Bo: the movie the Lost Empire, which IMDb
Bo: describes thusly seeking revenge Officer
Bo: Angel Wolfe, her Native American friend,
Bo: wide star oh boy, and Outlaw Heather
Bo: infiltrate a fortified island where an
Bo: undead wizard in his evil cult forced
Bo: captured women to take part in gladiatorial
Bo: tournaments.
Bo: So you kinda know what you're getting with
Bo: this guy.
Bo: But he did work fast and on a budget, and
Bo: that goes a long way with Roger Corman and
Bo: Julie.
Bo: Corman pitched the concept to Wynorski who
Bo: said he could write a script on the cheap
Bo: if he'd also be allowed to direct.
Bo: Corman agreed Julie that is and Wynorski
Bo: was off to the races.
Bo: He enlisted the aid of a buddy, steven
Bo: Mitchell, a guy he knew from the horror
Bo: convention circuit.
Bo: The two bonded when they kept running into
Bo: each other at conventions for EC Comics,
Bo: the pre-code horror comics that are truly
Bo: wonders to behold.
Bo: It was Wynorski who said that they all to
Bo: do robots in a mall and went on to say he
Bo: was inspired by a 1954 film called Gog, in
Bo: which malfunctioning robots hunt people in
Bo: an underground base where a space station
Bo: is being built.
Bo: Others are quick to point out that there is
Bo: a made for TV movie from 1973 called
Bo: Trapped, aka Doberman Patrol, a movie that
Bo: is very similar to Choppie Mall, only
Bo: substituted Doberman Pinchers for robots.
Bo: Regardless of how it was inspired, wynorski
Bo: and Steve Mitchell put together a story in
Bo: about 24 hours.
Bo: Julie Corman dug it and passed it along to
Bo: the suits at Vestron and, despite the fact
Bo: that there wasn't, you know, a real script,
Bo: they gave it the green light.
Bo: They did write a script, believe it or not,
Bo: which took another month and change to get
Bo: done.
Bo: And, lest we forget, jim Wynorski is kind
Bo: of a creep.
Bo: So when it came to casting the movie, he
Bo: led his dick, lead the way.
Bo: Dana Kimmel, an actress known at the time
Bo: for Lone Wolf McQuade and who would later
Bo: go on to be in Friday the 13th, part 3, was
Bo: originally cast as the lead, but she quote
Bo: did not want to do anything that was sexual,
Bo: and so she got bounced from the cast.
Bo: Enter Kelly Maroney, who had a huge run as
Bo: a young woman on Ryan's Hope, the old soap
Bo: opera, and then landed the role of Cindy in
Bo: Fast Times at Richmond High.
Bo: She would be best known for cult movies
Bo: like Night of the Comet, chopping Mall and
Bo: Not of this Earth.
Bo: Wynorski wanted to date Maroney and cast
Bo: her because he wanted to get it wet, and
Bo: also Maroney was quote game for anything
Bo: Generic white guy dudes.
Bo: John Toleski and Russell Todd were cast as
Bo: Mike and Rick respectively, and Tony O'Dell,
Bo: aka Jimmy from Karate Kid 1 2, plays Ferdy,
Bo: the nerdy hero of our movie.
Bo: And much love, as usual, to the Queen of B
Bo: movies, barbara Crampton, who was still
Bo: early in her career at this point, but not
Bo: that early.
Bo: She was already the woman who was eaten out
Bo: by that decapitated head and reanimator one
Bo: of the truly shocking moments in film
Bo: history.
Bo: And she would of course go on to be in
Bo: movies and television until this very day.
Bo: She is currently on a run of the Young and
Bo: the Restless, while appearing in indie
Bo: movies all over the place, and is doing
Bo: voice work for video games, recently the
Bo: character of Mom in the zombie co-op
Bo: shooter Back for Blood.
Bo: Is there anything she can't do?
Bo: Oh, and you'll probably recognize some
Bo: character actors in the mix too, like Dick
Bo: Miller and Paul Bartell and Mary Warnoff,
Bo: the latter couple featured in the movie
Bo: Eating Raul, a cult movie if ever there was
Bo: one.
Bo: And Dick Miller was not only a Roger Corman
Bo: staple he's been in pretty much every B
Bo: movie worth a damn in the past half century
Bo: or more.
Bo: So the movie was intended to be shot at the
Bo: Beverly Center in Los Angeles, but that
Bo: cost a lot of money and this movie didn't
Bo: have a lot of money.
Bo: So they shot some exteriors there and then
Bo: they filmed all the interiors at the
Bo: Sherman Oaks Galleria, which was also the
Bo: mall used in Fast Times at Richmond High
Bo: and the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie
Bo: Commando For the furniture store.
Bo: The production took over an empty space and
Bo: made their own store, which doubled as
Bo: storage for all the equipment during the
Bo: day when the mall was open.
Bo: The shooting of the movie took about 20
Bo: days and for better or worse, shopping Mall
Bo: was ready to unleash on an unsuspecting
Bo: public.
Bo: Only it wasn't called Shopping Mall at
Bo: first.
Bo: It was called Killbots and it was
Bo: test-marketed to audiences in March of 1986.
Bo: The test screenings went poorly and the
Bo: movie was, part of the expression, chopped
Bo: down and given the new title Shopping Mall.
Bo: When it finally did make its way to wide
Bo: release, the movie was met with decent, if
Bo: unexceptional, business and critical
Bo: reviews that landed somewhere south of good,
Bo: though.
Bo: Some critics found some fun with the film,
Bo: even if they admitted that it was no
Bo: cinematic achievement.
Bo: But it was on home video that Shopping Mall
Bo: found its audience, one that would inspire
Bo: a DVD release in 2004 on the back of some
Bo: really good VHS sales and rental numbers.
Bo: Maybe it was the poster, maybe it was just
Bo: the silliness of it all, maybe just the sun
Bo: shining on this particular dog's ass on
Bo: this particular day, but Shopping Mall was,
Bo: after a while, a success.
Bo: But does this consumer concoction have any
Bo: fire in the bellies of its robotic security
Bo: guards, or is this one big not topic?
Bo: To find out, let's get chat in here to ring
Bo: up the damage on this.
Bo: Jim Wynorski, jim, ladies and gentlemen,
Bo: birdies and suesies, it's 1986's Shopping
Bo: Mall, and welcome back everyone to yet
Bo: another episode of Pick Six Movies, this
Bo: one not content with just referring to the
Bo: 80s all the time on account of us being old,
Bo: we're going to watch a movie set so firmly
Bo: in the strata of the 1980s.
Bo: It is chock full of malls and big hair and
Bo: slang and crappy effects, really colored
Bo: clothing and gratuitous nudity that is both
Bo: a trademark of the 1980s and our pal Jim
Bo: Wynorski, who of course directed this.
Bo: So Shopping Mall is a movie that I feel
Bo: like has been sort of always with me in
Bo: some weird way.
Bo: Like I don't think it's a great movie and
Bo: we'll talk about all the reasons why no,
Bo: it's clearly not, but it feels like that
Bo: friend you have.
Bo: That you don't really have that much in
Bo: common with, but you've always been around
Bo: them, and so you're just sort of weird.
Chad: You got some weird friends, man.
Chad: I don't know anybody like this movie.
Bo: Oh, I know a lot of people that are like
Bo: the living embodiment of Shopping Mall.
Bo: When I watched this movie.
Chad: It reminded me that there are certain films
Chad: that were made in the 80s that really
Chad: captured the essence of the 1980s, like you
Chad: mentioned in the intro Cameron Crowe and
Chad: Amy Heckerling's Fast Times at Ridgemont
Chad: High.
Chad: Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing captures the
Chad: 80s in a certain way.
Chad: All the John Hughes films you know just
Chad: across the board.
Chad: But I also think that those movies are
Chad: separate from movies that were made in the
Chad: 80s that define that generation of
Chad: filmmaking, like Rambo or Indiana Jones
Chad: films fall into that.
Chad: Ghost Busters and Terminator and Back to
Chad: the Future and all of the unlimited slasher
Chad: movies that were cranked out during that
Chad: particular decade.
Chad: You know, I just think that certain movies
Chad: were able to just capture the essence of
Chad: that decade without trying to recreate a
Chad: certain moment.
Chad: But I think that Shopping Mall may be one
Chad: of the most fantastic time capsules for the
Chad: 1980s ever captured on film Because it's
Chad: got so much of the mall culture and it's
Chad: got a slasher film component to it and it's
Chad: this techno disaster type nightmare.
Chad: It feels like the 1980s just shit out of
Chad: film.
Bo: It has all the trappings of the 1980s.
Bo: It's not trying to be a time capsule, which
Bo: kind of makes it a better time capsule.
Chad: It's the opposite of Wonder Woman 1984.
Bo: That's a great example in a horrible movie.
Bo: I would rather watch shopping mall than
Bo: Wonder Woman 84.
Chad: It's more authentic and genuine and it's
Chad: shorter and it's more entertaining and, if
Chad: you like it, there's a lot more nudity,
Chad: both male and female.
Bo: This is true.
Bo: Say what you will about shopping mall, it
Bo: is fairly equal opportunity.
Bo: I mean, it's certainly more exploitative
Bo: with the women, I guess.
Chad: but you see as many male nipples as female
Chad: nipples.
Chad: This is nipples a nipple.
Bo: I guess that's right.
Bo: When was the first time you saw this movie?
Bo: Three days ago?
Bo: Oh really, you had never seen this before.
Chad: No, this one never came across my radar.
Chad: It always just looked a little too bad and
Chad: I don't know why.
Chad: I mean, I'm surprised that you and I never
Chad: watched this together, but I had never seen
Chad: it.
Chad: For those who don't know, there were
Chad: certain people in the 1980s children who
Chad: were just like, left to their own devices
Chad: and just figured things out and there
Chad: wasn't a whole hell of a lot to do Like,
Chad: and going to the mall was one of them.
Chad: Tv only had three stations.
Chad: They all showed the same thing News, game
Chad: shows, soap operas, syndicated garbage.
Chad: In the afternoon, local news and then three
Chad: hours of programming and that was it.
Chad: Yeah.
Chad: You had one station of PBS that showed you
Chad: stuff to learn from, and then you had one
Chad: wild card of a UHF station, if you were
Chad: lucky, and that just showed a bunch of
Chad: public domain cartoons and public domain
Chad: movies and cheap pay to play trash, like
Chad: there was nothing to do but get in trouble,
Chad: watch that crappy TV or go to the mall.
Bo: And that's assuming you had a car to get to
Bo: the mall.
Bo: Otherwise you're just roaming the
Bo: neighborhood, completely unsupervised, with
Bo: a stick and ill intent.
Chad: And if it was near New Year's Day or Fourth
Chad: of July, you were blowing things up with
Chad: fireworks.
Bo: Boy.
Bo: Those were the days.
Chad: Well, there are also maybe one or two movie
Chad: theaters in town.
Chad: This is how bad it was.
Chad: Remember when they turned that 7-Eleven
Chad: into a video rental store.
Bo: Oh sure.
Chad: It went tits up.
Chad: I'm in that video rental store and I'm
Chad: standing there looking at the movies to
Chad: rent and the movie Mannequin it's on the
Chad: shelf and I'm thinking about watching
Chad: Mannequin and I pick it up and then I turn
Chad: around and I look over at the marquee for
Chad: the shitty movie theater in our hometown
Chad: and they're showing the movie Mannequin.
Chad: Now, this was not one of those late to the
Chad: game dollar theaters.
Chad: This was full price movie theater and they
Chad: had eight screens at the time, like they
Chad: built that out.
Chad: But I was like how in the hell is there a
Chad: VHS copy of Mannequin available for rent?
Chad: And they are still showing this movie on
Chad: the big screen.
Bo: Probably wasn't legally obtained, is what I
Bo: would suggest.
Bo: I don't know.
Bo: That was what the shitty cam version of
Bo: Mannequin.
Chad: My point here just being, is that movies
Chad: during this era?
Chad: I don't know that.
Chad: I have a point here yeah.
Chad: I don't think I do.
Chad: Oh OK, when was the last time you went to a
Chad: shopping mall?
Chad: Let's talk about that for a moment.
Bo: I walked into a shopping mall within the
Bo: past two years.
Chad: It's been a decade since I've walked into a
Chad: shopping mall proper.
Bo: The only reason I did is because the child
Bo: I was with legally was taking you to the
Bo: cops.
Bo: Oh no, no, wanted to get some Chinese from
Bo: the food court, oh, and so we were going to
Bo: that.
Bo: But we walked into the mall and she said I
Bo: don't like this place.
Bo: And I said I don't either.
Bo: And then we turned around and left.
Bo: So I was in the mall once in the past
Bo: decade for about 38 seconds and that was it.
Chad: I go to one of those outdoor shopping
Chad: epicenters, kind of like a Lowe's and a
Chad: Target, and then everything else is just
Chad: stitched together.
Chad: It's it's not encased in a giant building,
Chad: but back in the day going to the mall was a
Chad: thing to do.
Bo: Again, this is before the internet, when
Bo: you could just look at all the porn you
Bo: wanted.
Bo: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, there's one
Bo: on the what.
Bo: Now, oh boy, I'll tell you what.
Bo: Let's take this offline.
Speaker 3: But I've got something I think you're
Speaker 3: really going to like.
Bo: Yeah, I mean you could walk in the place
Bo: with 20 bucks, hit the food court, maybe
Bo: buy a cassette tape or go to the movie
Bo: which was attached to the mall, and all of
Bo: that for a relatively inexpensive amount of
Bo: money and that blew your afternoon and you
Bo: had nothing but time.
Bo: You had no sense of mortality or how quick
Bo: all this goes by.
Bo: So, you just blew time hanging out watching
Bo: people go by and sipping an oversized
Bo: orange, julius.
Bo: In a lot of ways it was kind of wonderful
Bo: and in a lot of ways it's very sad.
Chad: Let's talk about this movie.
Bo: Oh yeah, please Out of the gate Bo.
Chad: I awarded this movie one very enthusiastic
Chad: star for its opening credits, of which
Chad: there are none.
Chad: Kudos to you, chopping ball.
Bo: The movie we go right into a dude breaking
Bo: the window of a jewelry store.
Chad: But it's a fake opening, like a James Bond
Chad: or Indiana Jones or something, but I was
Chad: like, hey, they're getting into the movie.
Bo: That's fine.
Bo: Those are real things that happen.
Bo: This is just a movie made by the security
Bo: company, but it's this thief swiping a
Bo: bunch of jewels yeah, he's a burglar.
Chad: He's wearing a little black hoodie.
Chad: I wish his shirt would have been white and
Chad: black striped, but then that would imply
Chad: that he got busted by the cops or a bandit
Chad: mask.
Chad: That would have been good.
Bo: One of those that ties at the back of his
Bo: head.
Bo: That would have been pretty good this
Bo: jewelry he's stealing.
Chad: It's clearly costume jewelry that costs
Chad: like 18 bucks retail.
Chad: The dude would have made more money by
Chad: carefully cutting out the window paint of
Chad: glass that he smashed and selling that on
Chad: the streets.
Bo: I buy most of my glass.
Bo: Just I've got a guy.
Bo: Let's just say that Sure.
Chad: Everybody's got a glass guy.
Chad: Why would you pay retail for that?
Chad: That's just foolish.
Bo: It's a fine question.
Bo: I've never done it.
Bo: Hey, you need glass.
Bo: I got glass.
Bo: Do you think they have the overcoats?
Bo: Yeah, Like what do you want?
Bo: Do you want?
Bo: You want some stained glass?
Bo: I've got.
Bo: Plexiglass, I've got security glass.
Chad: What do you need, buddy Huh.
Bo: My glass guy.
Bo: You live in a hurricane zone.
Chad: I got that covered.
Chad: See that right there.
Chad: That's a federal tax stamp.
Bo: It doesn't get more legal than that.
Chad: So back to our movie.
Chad: Yeah, our bandit stealing this jewelry
Chad: Right and then a four foot tall kill by on
Chad: treads rolls up behind this bandit and says
Chad: stop right there and surrender your weapon.
Chad: And this kill by clearly looks inspired by
Chad: short circuits, johnny five and our own
Chad: heartbeats crime buster, only 80% cheaper
Chad: and about 60% smaller.
Chad: This bandit turns around bow and starts
Chad: firing his pistol at the kill by left and
Chad: right.
Chad: He just empties his chamber and he's like,
Chad: yeah, he runs off and the kill by gives
Chad: chase and then fires a taser into the back
Chad: of this bandit, rendering the bandit
Chad: unconscious and then the end flashes on the
Chad: screen.
Bo: I was like, wow, this is going to be the
Bo: shortest episode we've ever done.
Chad: It was awesome, wasn't it?
Chad: You're like is that it?
Chad: And they're like oh crap, this is just a
Chad: head fake.
Chad: And I like that.
Chad: It's listed as a secure Tronix production.
Chad: Uh-huh Like, what are we doing here?
Chad: And then it cuts into this real to real
Chad: projector, showing that this is a short
Chad: movie about a mall robbery at night and
Chad: it's being shown to a small audience of
Chad: people in folding chairs sitting in a real
Chad: mall at night through meta.
Chad: Indeed, I think if I was the head of secure
Chad: Tronix, I would have had some real life
Chad: bandits go rob these people's stores during
Chad: the mall presentation and then, when they
Chad: went back to work, they were just like we
Chad: were robbed.
Chad: We need killbots to protect our crummy
Chad: merchandise.
Bo: That guy was right.
Bo: You know, secure Tronix is one of the
Bo: unsung heroes of filmmaking of this era.
Bo: Not only did they do, obviously, the
Bo: killbot safety video, they also did
Bo: breaking away the bicycling epic.
Bo: And they really yeah, they did the original
Bo: credit kid.
Bo: Those were both secure Tronix films, but
Bo: then they went under.
Bo: Just you know bad deals.
Chad: This blonde woman wearing a very smart
Chad: looking suit and glasses.
Chad: She takes the stage and she says ladies and
Chad: gentlemen, that ends our fake out intro to
Chad: the movie.
Chad: Here is the head of development for secure
Chad: Tronix unlimited Incorporated International,
Chad: a division of global common, its parent
Chad: company, omega Corp.
Chad: Mr Dr Stan Simon oh, by the way Chad, worth
Chad: pointing out.
Bo: We've got our cameo here by Paul Bartell
Bo: and Mary Warnoff.
Chad: Oh, they're showing up.
Chad: They're going to be here.
Chad: Another cameo.
Chad: The woman making the announcement is Angela
Chad: Ames, who had some small parts on Cheers
Chad: and Night Court, but she was the woman who
Chad: was getting her baby's photos made at the
Chad: opening of bachelor party.
Chad: When Adrian's Med and Tom Hanks come in and
Chad: they do that impromptu photo shoot with
Chad: their head all around her large cleavage.
Bo: That's her.
Bo: Oh, bachelor party holds up pretty well.
Bo: Oh, almost certainly not.
Bo: Chad Everything.
Chad: I remember about it is problematic at best.
Chad: Guy putting his wiener in the hot dog bun
Chad: and that old lady yanking on it.
Bo: I'm just thinking of the list of shit that
Bo: they tout as being acceptable yeah.
Bo: An appeal for the party itself yeah.
Bo: None of that is okay.
Chad: I want to say, though, whenever I use
Chad: paprika in the kitchen, the words thank you.
Bo: Thank you, you made me the happiest spice
Bo: in the whole wide world Always comes out of
Bo: my mouth.
Bo: I have the same problem.
Bo: I do the exact same thing.
Chad: It's paprika.
Chad: So Dr Stan Simon.
Chad: He comes up on stage and he says hello,
Chad: people of the mall, full disclosure.
Chad: The doctor in my name is followed by a
Chad: question mark and legally must be
Chad: pronounced doctor Stan Simon.
Chad: And yes, that's my Christian name.
Chad: My parents were high on PCP when they named
Chad: me.
Chad: Let me introduce you to your new security
Chad: team, the protector 101 killbot series 2000.
Chad: And then there's these three killbots
Chad: behind him sitting on the stage.
Bo: And that's the point where Paul Bartell is
Bo: like they look like the three stooges.
Chad: And then he says I don't know that one in
Chad: the middle has an unpleasant ethnic quality
Chad: which is the one genuine laugh of the movie
Chad: for me.
Chad: I couldn't tell if this movie was self
Chad: aware or just terrible, and after watching
Chad: it twice but I'm still not sure.
Chad: But I think it's just terrible.
Bo: Paul Bartell and Mary Warnoff wrote their
Bo: own dialogue for this movie.
Chad: That doesn't mean it's not racist.
Bo: They're both satirists to one degree or
Bo: another and they're kind of reprising the
Bo: roles from eating Raoul and those
Bo: characters are very aristocratic, racist,
Bo: close minded kinds of characters.
Bo: So I think it's just in keeping with that
Bo: character.
Bo: I don't think Paul Bartell actually
Bo: believes that.
Bo: You know, that robot had an unpleasant
Bo: ethnic quality.
Bo: I think he was just goofing.
Bo: I don't think that's directly racist.
Bo: But also, all these people are dead.
Chad: There's no way to know.
Chad: Doctor Stan Simon stands up and says so,
Chad: are there any questions?
Chad: And this one dude stands up and he says yes,
Chad: what do your machines do Besides kill
Chad: people?
Chad: I was like kill people what I judge jury
Chad: and executioner for some handsy kids at a
Chad: Spencer's gift.
Bo: But let me just stop you right there.
Bo: They don't kill, they just incapacitate.
Bo: They fire sleep darts or something.
Bo: They've got sleep darts, they've got the
Bo: tasers.
Bo: They've got laser beams that shoot out of
Bo: their faces Once they identify a suspect,
Bo: they alert the police.
Chad: Plus, getting into the mall now is almost
Chad: impossible because we have steel doors that
Chad: lock from midnight till dawn.
Chad: Come to think of it, the killbots are
Chad: unnecessary since we have those no steel
Chad: doors.
Chad: Forget that last thing I just said.
Chad: You're going to want the killbots.
Chad: You can't get the steel doors without the
Chad: killbots.
Chad: It's a package deal, pete.
Chad: That's how it works.
Bo: You're buying the killbots.
Bo: The steel doors come with the killbots.
Bo: You can't get the doors and no killbots.
Bo: That's the I say.
Bo: On the cake is Paul and.
Chad: Mary, the satirist from the racist side of
Chad: town he lanes in.
Chad: He's like maybe we could use one of the
Chad: restaurant.
Chad: Get rid of the people we don't like.
Chad: And I'm like, based on that ethnic quality
Chad: comment earlier, I know what kind of people
Chad: you're talking about.
Bo: Another guy in the crowd site how they got
Bo: to tell who's a good guy and who's a bad
Bo: guy over here.
Chad: And then Dr Stan Smith says I'm so glassed,
Chad: you asked total stranger who I've never met
Chad: before.
Chad: Wink, wink.
Chad: All employees have to do is show their name
Chad: badge and they won't be shot with sleep
Chad: darts or confused as mal debris or
Chad: electrocuted.
Chad: And then Dr Stan Smith calls the Kilbot
Chad: control room and he says bring Kilbot
Chad: number one online.
Chad: And Kilbot number one comes online and
Chad: scans Dr Stan Smith's badge and it says
Chad: thank you, have a nice day.
Chad: And then the guy in the audience goes yeah,
Chad: follow up question.
Chad: Well, what if the bad guys get another
Chad: employee's badge?
Chad: I mean, couldn't they just run around
Chad: causing all kinds of crimes and they just
Chad: flash somebody else's badge?
Chad: Unfortunately, I'm not taking any more
Chad: questions.
Bo: Don't worry, nothing could possibly go
Bo: wrong.
Bo: Possibly that's the first thing that's ever
Bo: gotten wrong.
Chad: And then we get the movie's title chopping
Chad: mall, and we get this montage of vintage
Chad: 80s mall culture with the opening credits,
Chad: which is arguably a waste of time, but it
Chad: does help to establish the footprint of
Chad: where this movie is taking place.
Chad: So, counselor, I will allow it, and he
Chad: gives us a little entertainment along the
Chad: way, because we start off, we see a kid go
Chad: into an elevator he's eating a big ice
Chad: cream cone and then a bunch of adults rush
Chad: in and the door is closed and they open and
Chad: the kids covered with chocolate ice cream
Chad: all over his face and shirt.
Chad: How or why did that happen?
Chad: I have no idea.
Bo: That's a pretty good gag.
Bo: We see a couple of kids making out on a
Bo: bench and this old couple see him and
Bo: they're like I don't have some of that.
Bo: And they start making out a little bit,
Bo: let's clarify old couple.
Chad: These people are in their 80s.
Bo: They're of the Koala Chlamydia age, where
Bo: they are in some kind of assisted living
Bo: facility that is just running wild with
Bo: syphilis right now.
Chad: They're doing a little like teeth swapping
Chad: yeah that's sexy.
Chad: We see a guy stealing about 50 LPs.
Chad: Those are large record albums for our
Chad: younger listeners and they're stuffed up
Chad: under his shirts.
Chad: It's obvious that he's stealing these and
Chad: he's wearing a button-up shirt.
Chad: I'm like this is a rookie mistake.
Bo: Yeah, that's not great.
Bo: Honestly, when CDs first came out, they put
Bo: them in the long sleeves.
Bo: That was a real anti-theft deterrent, I
Bo: mean for some people Chad.
Chad: Our friend Ben, who's probably stolen more
Chad: things than anybody I've ever known in my
Chad: lifetime.
Chad: Two things he stole that I was always
Chad: impressed with.
Chad: One was he went into a store that was
Chad: called TGNY.
Chad: It was a precursor to Walmart, like a local
Chad: five-in-dime chain.
Chad: He and another guy went into this TGNY,
Chad: went back to the sporting goods store and
Chad: just picked up a canoe and walked out with
Chad: it.
Chad: Wow, that is impressive, Thinking no one's
Chad: gonna stop me if I walk out with a canoe.
Chad: They're gonna think I paid for it.
Bo: And he was right.
Bo: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chad: And he lived probably close to a mile, and
Chad: they carried it back to his house.
Chad: Another fun fact he lived nowhere near a
Chad: body of water.
Bo: But he had a canoe.
Chad: He also stole full-body cow costume from a
Chad: Coach House gifts in a shopping mall by
Chad: stuffing it down his pants, which is
Chad: impressive.
Chad: And then he proceeded to put on that cow
Chad: costume, wear it to a high school football
Chad: game and jump down on the field, and what
Chad: the write-up report said from the vice
Chad: principal was that he was down on the field
Chad: simulating masturbation with cow outage.
Bo: Yeah, how do you nod, I don't know, when
Bo: you're milking yourself in a cow outfit.
Bo: I posed that question to you.
Bo: How do you not seem like you're
Bo: masturbating Any?
Chad: lawyer worth a nickel can say do you know
Chad: what masturbation is?
Chad: Yes, these are udders.
Chad: This isn't masturbation, right?
Chad: Sure, they look similar, but, sir, you need
Chad: to go spend a little bit of time with 4-H
Chad: Can you milk an udder and a penis?
Bo: Yes, the answer to that is clearly yes, but
Bo: just because the motions are the same does
Bo: not mean they achieve the same level of
Bo: inappropriateness in public or even
Bo: satisfaction.
Chad: You'll have to go ask the cow in the bull
Chad: to get that answer.
Chad: During this montage in the mall we do see a
Chad: kid in a video game arcade playing and then
Chad: this guy rolls up who's clearly a pedophile.
Chad: So the kid leaves and then the pervert
Chad: takes over playing the kid's game.
Chad: Which wasn't that an awesome opportunity
Chad: when you were in an arcade.
Chad: And then some kid's mom comes up.
Chad: You know, billy, we gotta go.
Chad: And then Billy leaves and you take over, or
Chad: a pedophile rolls up and scares the kid
Chad: away.
Bo: Yeah, but you get that full play.
Bo: Yeah, that was the best man.
Chad: Like hey, you want to take over my game?
Chad: Hell yeah, I will.
Bo: You just saved me 25 cents buddy Also,
Bo: there's a gag where a woman is navigating
Bo: the crowd at the food court with this tray
Bo: of food.
Chad: Yeah, How's that gonna end, Beau?
Bo: Oh, not good Chad.
Bo: We see a guy holding a bunch of boxes.
Bo: He dumps them on the escalator.
Bo: When he sees some babes with sashes and
Bo: bathing suits coming down the other side,
Bo: hey, you want to be in a movie.
Chad: You got a bikini.
Chad: Oh, you got high heels.
Chad: Tell me more.
Chad: Put on this sash.
Chad: You're gonna be in the movie.
Chad: All right, you know how to milk a cow.
Chad: You know how to milk a bull.
Bo: As we've discussed twice now on this show,
Bo: Jim Weynorski is a great A-Cream and I am
Bo: sure that your impression of this is far
Bo: closer to the truth than either of us would
Bo: care to do.
Chad: Yeah, and I just want to go on record and
Chad: say I was shocked at how reserved this
Chad: movie was with its creepiness Although no,
Chad: we'll get into it in a minute but the
Chad: majority of the nudity takes place in one
Chad: of the most strange environments, with all
Chad: types of comings and goings going on, pun
Chad: intended.
Bo: There's a real like polyamorous vibe to a
Bo: lot of this, so the woman navigating the
Bo: tray of food, like this whole bit, ends
Bo: with her just getting to the table and then
Bo: totally whipping it and dumping the food
Bo: all over somebody else at the table.
Bo: It's a real tin chocolate cream pies.
Chad: Whoa, if you get that reference, you're old.
Bo: As a wise man once said, there are as yet
Bo: undiscovered tribes in the Amazon.
Bo: Who could see that?
Chad: joke coming.
Chad: We get to a restaurant in the food court
Chad: where all of the walls are covered in cross
Chad: promotion of other terrible slasher and
Chad: sci-fi films.
Chad: One assumed that were produced by Roger
Chad: Corman or members of his family.
Chad: And here we meet two of our movie's four
Chad: female characters, Allison and Susie.
Chad: They are working as waitresses in this
Chad: restaurant.
Chad: Allison is our movie's final girl and Susie
Chad: was gonna call her the waitress.
Chad: To keep all of this straightened until they
Chad: one by one get killed.
Chad: I like how they're shouting out all that
Chad: make them up diner.
Chad: Speak to this fat chef who's working in an
Chad: open kitchen.
Chad: He looks like if chef by RD's life went
Chad: terribly wrong in every way.
Chad: He's openly smoking and he's wearing this
Chad: t-shirt that looks like a used diaper, Just
Chad: smeared with shit.
Bo: This was at a time when a short order cook
Bo: was expected to be smoking as he cooked, it
Bo: looked disgusting and unshaven and it is
Bo: the culinary embodiment of the line ah, you
Bo: can barely see dim nipples.
Bo: Like if you could take that line and shove
Bo: it into a cook's outfit.
Bo: It's this guy, it's this human being.
Chad: Allison drops a plate.
Chad: This gives both she and Susie a chance to
Chad: bend over and give us a little exposition
Chad: as they're cleaning up the mess.
Chad: And Susie says tonight's the night, you
Chad: gotta come to this party.
Chad: I set you up, this really cute guy.
Chad: And then chef boy RDUI shouts out hey, come
Chad: on, take the food.
Chad: The wallet's hot.
Chad: I'm not gonna go take out a break and do
Chad: the drugs and the walk in the cooler which
Chad: he does have a terrible Italian accent,
Chad: which was surprising.
Bo: And Susie, by the way, is warning Allison
Bo: about this fat customer that likes to get
Bo: handsy.
Bo: And the way she puts it is yeah, that orca
Bo: beaches here every week, which is wow that
Bo: is really rough.
Chad: The scene does end with him shouting out
Chad: more butter, Poor.
Bo: Allison.
Bo: It's up dropping a dish and that's where
Bo: Susie is, like I forget what chef boy RDUI
Bo: has to say.
Bo: You should come to this party that we're
Bo: gonna have.
Bo: We'll get to that.
Chad: The movie cuts to Kilbot control room where
Chad: some technician is just hanging out.
Chad: And then the movie cuts to the city skyline
Chad: where bolts of lightning are striking earth
Chad: with such force and frequency I thought we
Chad: were on some planet from the Dune series.
Chad: And then one of the bolts I mean it's like
Chad: kapow kapow one bolt strikes the mall and,
Chad: like Frankenstein, our monsters come to
Chad: life, but in this movie the monsters of the
Chad: Kilbots and they directly bypass that stage
Chad: of benevolent kindness and they just go
Chad: straight to murdering, rampage as part of
Chad: this particular narrative.
Bo: This is a storm equivalent to the one that
Bo: sets off the horrible, fine chain of events
Bo: in the movie Poltergeist.
Bo: It is lightning, and when everything is
Bo: going wrong Also the nerd here watching
Bo: over the Kilbots when the lightning hits
Bo: also smoking.
Chad: Yeah, because it was the 80s and that's
Chad: what you did in every movie and you looked
Chad: at pornography, because he's looking at a
Chad: playboy or penthouse or something and
Chad: unfolding it and he's giving it a va va, va
Chad: boom, and then one of the Kilbots just
Chad: comes over and, using its pincher claw,
Chad: kills this nerd technician.
Bo: It just goes right through the center fold
Bo: and grabs the guy by the throat question
Bo: mark.
Bo: When he falls down he's got a bloody neck,
Bo: but it's real unclear as to how this
Bo: particular murder happens.
Chad: I love how this movie doesn't give any real
Chad: reason as to why any of this is happening.
Chad: I mean, it's like in short circuit, the
Chad: robots got electrocuted and that's what
Chad: brings them to life.
Chad: This just jumps from A to Z so fast, Like
Chad: there's never a moment of well you know,
Chad: sir, if the Kilbots were to get a surge of
Chad: electricity, it could potentially cause
Chad: problems with their safety software.
Chad: Like none of that.
Chad: Like you're in a movie called Chopping Mall.
Chad: What do you think these idiots want to see?
Bo: No bullshit, Cut the credits, and even the
Bo: nerdlinger will get to in a little bit.
Bo: Ferdy, his character should be the one
Bo: that's like oh, I think I see what happened,
Bo: that lightning hit the antenna.
Bo: No, no, no, none of that.
Bo: Like you said, we're not fucking around
Bo: here.
Bo: The movie's called Chopping Mall.
Bo: Let's get to some chopping, chop, chop.
Chad: So we cut to our three male leads in this
Chad: movie who work in a store that's called
Chad: Furniture King and they sell housewares and,
Chad: as the name implies, furniture is a bunch
Chad: of couches and lamps and TVs and whatever
Chad: the film crew could scrounge up from the
Chad: local Goodwill store.
Bo: And yeah, you know this is a real Goodwill
Bo: kind of put together situation.
Chad: There's Mike, who's the douchebag of the
Chad: bunch, and then there's Greg I'm going to
Chad: call him the sensible one.
Chad: And then there's Ferdy, who's the nerdy one.
Chad: That's easy to remember, cause Ferdy rhymes
Chad: with nerdy and every male in this movie has
Chad: a female counterpart.
Chad: So Greg, the sensible one, he's paired with
Chad: Susie, the waitress from earlier.
Chad: Mike the douchebag is paired with Leslie,
Chad: the sexy one and I'm using that term
Chad: loosely and then Ferdy gets paired with
Chad: Allison, our final girl, and then later
Chad: we're going to meet Rick and Linda.
Chad: Now, none of that matters, but we are going
Chad: to try to keep it all straight, as the
Chad: killbots, one by one, murder these people.
Bo: They're giving Ferdy a little bit of grief
Bo: just because he's a nerdlinger and they're
Bo: like hey, we got some beer for the party,
Bo: but we need a place to have it and Ferdy,
Bo: our nerd because of you know, nerdy is like
Bo: geez guys, I don't know if we should host
Bo: the party in my store over here because,
Bo: hey, this is my uncle's store and I'm a for
Bo: a big promotion maybe.
Chad: But Ferdy doesn't even look like a nerd.
Chad: He's a handsome dude.
Chad: He's just wearing glasses and he's not
Chad: terribly tall, but there's nothing about
Chad: him that like you didn't have some white
Chad: tape that you could stick in the middle of
Chad: his glasses.
Chad: How is that not there?
Bo: More than that, Chad.
Bo: It's that we're going to take off the
Bo: glasses and suddenly we're dealing with a
Bo: hunk and a babe, and it's that in space
Bo: Like Ferdy is the most competent put
Bo: together person in the entire film and is
Bo: treated like he is the biggest doofus.
Bo: But that's also a very 80s kind of trope.
Bo: But they don't do it well here, well, no,
Bo: well, I mean you've shown me anything
Bo: that's done well in this movie.
Chad: Mike the douchebag says the fridge is full
Chad: of beer.
Chad: Rick and Linda bringing the food and we've
Chad: got clean sheets.
Chad: And I was like clean sheets, what's going
Chad: to you, oh God.
Chad: So then the movie cuts to our fourth couple,
Chad: the aforementioned Rick and Linda.
Chad: They are in a truck and the truck's on the
Chad: side of the road having car trouble and
Chad: they're on the way to the mall for this
Chad: party boat.
Chad: And this feels like a scene from what I
Chad: would classify as a in the woods camping
Chad: horror film.
Chad: But we're not.
Chad: We're in this urban California shopping
Chad: techno horror film.
Chad: Cause here, arguably, you're setting up why
Chad: the truck won't start later in our movie.
Chad: It's had a little trouble here, it won't
Chad: turn over later.
Chad: But here none of this matters.
Chad: It doesn't matter that they're in the truck,
Chad: doesn't matter that it won't turn over.
Bo: None of that, just have them show up at the
Bo: mall.
Bo: There is so much unnecessary backstory in
Bo: this scene.
Bo: Not only do we get the fact that the truck
Bo: is hard to start, we get the fact that
Bo: Linda is the one who fixes it, because
Bo: she's the really good mechanic Don't matter
Bo: later at all.
Bo: Right, they're married, but they have all
Bo: this money suck in the new business.
Chad: R and L automotive and the R and L are in a
Chad: heart.
Chad: That's cause they're in a heart.
Bo: Also don't matter.
Bo: The guy's kind of reluctant to go.
Bo: But then Linda shows him a little lingerie
Bo: that she was like.
Bo: Well, I guess I won't have anywhere to wear
Bo: this.
Bo: His eyes bug out like a cartoon wolf and he
Bo: puts the pedal to the metal to get to the
Bo: shopping mall.
Bo: But all of this stuff is completely
Bo: unnecessary to the film, yeah Just have
Bo: them show up at the mall.
Bo: Yeah, and one wonders if there is not some
Bo: version where the fact that she's a good
Bo: mechanic and he's not somehow it has
Bo: something to do with something when it
Bo: comes to this movie, but it never
Bo: materializes.
Bo: It's a real check-offs mechanic that
Bo: doesn't ever go off, I guess.
Chad: So Mike the douchebag goes into a women's
Chad: clothing store to check in with Leslie the
Chad: sexy one, and he sneaks up behind her and
Chad: just grabs her breast with both hands.
Chad: Oh sure, classy, typical Mike the douchebag.
Chad: And then Mike says, hey, I can't wait for
Chad: tonight.
Chad: And then these two just start violently
Chad: making out in the store.
Chad: She is an employee of this place and she's
Chad: just sticking her tongue down the throat of
Chad: this guy, not just an employee.
Bo: The employee of her father, who may
Bo: question, mark owned this clothing store.
Speaker 3: Because he just comes out and is like hmm,
Speaker 3: yeah, how about you leave a little room for
Speaker 3: the Holy Ghost?
Chad: Would you mind removing your hand from the
Chad: front of my daughter's Calvin Klein
Chad: dungarees?
Bo: Sorry Dad, I was just excited because we're
Bo: going to Susie's birthday party.
Speaker 3: Very good Lock up and I'll keep an eye on
Speaker 3: this riff-raff.
Bo: Allison's dad is on the phone with her at
Bo: the mall and why she has to call her dad to
Bo: say, hey, I'm thinking of going to this
Bo: party being held here at the mall for some
Bo: reason.
Chad: I thought all of these people are in their
Chad: mid to late 20s.
Bo: Oh, absolutely.
Bo: Everybody in this movie absolutely looks
Bo: like they are old enough to drive, vote and
Bo: be drafted.
Chad: Rent a car, possibly adopt another person.
Bo: In fact, for a while there I thought Susie
Bo: had adopted Allison.
Chad: Well, she gets off the phone with her dad
Chad: and she's like I love you, daddy.
Chad: And then the movie pans out and we see that
Chad: Allison and Susie are in a locker room
Chad: where they're changing clothes, and it also
Chad: appears that there are showers for the mall
Chad: employees to use.
Chad: But I worked in a couple of malls earlier
Chad: in my life.
Chad: This is 100% made up.
Chad: This does not exist in the real world of.
Chad: Maybe it's a fancy California mall.
Chad: I don't think so.
Chad: I think that the director was like anybody
Chad: want to be in a movie.
Chad: Take it top off, walk around over here.
Chad: We're in the shower scene at the mall, are
Chad: you sure I have to do?
Speaker 3: this, Mr Woodhouse.
Speaker 3: Hey, you know how to milk a cow.
Chad: You know how to milk a bull, you like to
Chad: ride escalators?
Chad: You like to ride anything else when you
Chad: going?
Chad: Hey, come back here, sweet cheeks.
Bo: Allison tells Susie hey, I'm going to go to
Bo: this party.
Bo: Of course Susie is very excited by this.
Bo: On their way out, susie borrows a bunch of
Bo: hairspray and makeup.
Bo: Then they head back inside the store
Bo: because they're going to the furniture
Bo: store in the mall.
Bo: I'm like, why go out in the first place?
Chad: We hear over the loudBo the mall will
Chad: be closing in 10 minutes.
Chad: And then outside there's more lightning
Chad: strikes.
Chad: Back inside, at the Kilbot Observatorium,
Chad: the night shift technician shows up to take
Chad: over for that guy who likes spank books and
Chad: is now dead, by the way.
Chad: What did the daytime tech do?
Chad: Because the Kilbots don't work during the
Chad: day?
Chad: Labor ain't cheap.
Chad: But fire that guy, Increase your margins.
Chad: Kilbot Incorporated.
Bo: It's just there to make sure that lightning
Bo: doesn't hit the panel.
Bo: Yes, so.
Chad: Uh-oh, the new guy comes in and the day
Chad: shift guy isn't there.
Chad: And the night tech is played by actor
Chad: Garrett Graham, who I know as the guy that
Chad: was terrified of red cars in the Kurt
Chad: Russell movie Used Cars, written and
Chad: directed by Robert Zemeckis and co-authored
Chad: by Bob Gale the two people who brought us
Chad: Back to the Future.
Chad: That's a pretty good movie.
Chad: You've never seen it.
Chad: I mean it ain't great, but it's pretty
Chad: funny.
Chad: You can see hints of Back to the Future in
Chad: the finale of that, like the race against
Chad: time and how it all comes together.
Chad: I was like I can see how they built on this
Chad: a little bit.
Bo: This same actor is also the titular bud in
Bo: Chud too, but the Chud.
Chad: He was the voice of Jay Sherman's nutty
Chad: adoptive father on the animated series the.
Chad: Critic he did a bunch of voice work.
Chad: He didn't just disappear into drugs and
Chad: alcohol and bull milk, not like I'm
Chad: planning to.
Chad: This other tech comes in and first techs.
Chad: Nowhere to be seen.
Chad: Did the Kilbots just clean up all of their
Chad: carnage and porn Again.
Bo: It's like the player character in the game
Bo: Hitman just dumping a body in the nearest
Bo: dumpster.
Chad: I'm like there's gonna be a lot of blood,
Chad: but maybe not.
Chad: Well, they have a vacuum attachment.
Chad: Tech number two sits down and starts
Chad: reading a book that appears not to be
Chad: pornography.
Chad: The book's title is it Came from Outer
Chad: Space, which, now that I think about it,
Chad: that could be erotic fiction?
Bo: I guess it could be.
Bo: You say it like that, wouldn't that be?
Bo: It Came in Outer.
Chad: Space, or on Outer Space or with Outer
Chad: Space.
Chad: There's a whole series in the it Came
Chad: series about.
Bo: Is there a box that I can buy so I could
Bo: just read it cover?
Chad: to cover.
Chad: There is, but if you're gonna get it, get
Chad: the illustrated version worth every penny.
Bo: They come pre-stuck together and with 3D
Bo: glasses.
Chad: Oh, that is handy.
Bo: So he hears the robot's power up but it
Bo: does a real like psychic out where he looks
Bo: over and he's like huh and they're all
Bo: powered down, and then he looks back and
Bo: they're dum, dum, dum, dum dum.
Bo: Yeah, and then the pincher comes out again
Bo: and the phone rings and the door closes,
Bo: and then, finally, the killbot fires this
Bo: like hook into the back of this dude's neck
Bo: and down goes, garrett Graham.
Bo: All right, yeah so long, but the chud.
Chad: We cut to the party over at Furniture King.
Chad: This whole place is about the size of a
Chad: high school classroom and all four of our
Chad: couples are just drinking Paps Blue Ribbon
Chad: out of the can, like you do.
Chad: There's a bunch of white guy dancing going
Chad: on to the song Street Walking by Sylvia St
Chad: James, the title music track to the movie
Chad: Street Walking about Times Square hookers
Chad: that came out in 1985.
Chad: And I thought are the four people in this
Chad: movie just jamming out to the soundtrack of
Chad: Street?
Bo: Walking.
Bo: A good song is a good song.
Bo: It doesn't matter where it came from.
Bo: If you could dance to it, it works.
Bo: Yeah, yeah, like Judgement Night isn't a
Bo: great movie, but the song Judgement Night
Bo: is fantastic.
Chad: Ferti's in the bathroom of this furniture
Chad: store, trying to look less nerdy or less
Chad: handsome, I couldn't tell.
Chad: He gives a breath check in the palm, like,
Chad: and he gives a little couple of
Chad: bonacoblasts to make his mouth ever fresh.
Chad: Then he heads out to find three of the four
Chad: couples drinking and making out.
Chad: And then Ferti gets thrust into the arms of
Chad: Allison, our final girl, and it's one of
Chad: those.
Chad: Why do birds suddenly appear every time you
Chad: are near and they're just.
Chad: They're looking at each other like I'm in
Chad: love.
Bo: Yeah, why died and everything.
Bo: And meanwhile back in the store proper they
Bo: turn around and Greg and Susie are totally
Bo: making out in front of God and everybody.
Bo: I am not a public display of affection kind
Bo: of person, as a Mm hmm, and certainly not
Bo: to this you know what?
Chad: buckle up.
Chad: It's going to be a bumpy ride.
Chad: We cut to the outside of the mall and the
Chad: killbots are just patrolling around.
Chad: The mall is now closed, and over at
Chad: furniture king, this party is really going
Chad: strong.
Chad: And killbot number one drives by but
Chad: doesn't do anything, and then killbot
Chad: number two comes online and starts to
Chad: patrol its level of the mall.
Chad: And then all the killbots are out and
Chad: they're rolling around in the mall, which,
Chad: by the way, this mall has carpet Gross.
Bo: Imagine how disgusting that is One of the
Bo: reasons they have the killbot, because, as
Bo: we saw with all the blood in the office,
Bo: they're also constantly vacuuming.
Chad: They're like the proto Roomba.
Bo: They're just Roomba's with a homicidal
Bo: intent.
Bo: Hold on.
Chad: Invention idea Tie a gun to the top of your
Chad: Roomba to protect your house and keep it
Chad: clean All right.
Bo: Quick note make movie called Roomba side
Bo: Termo.
Chad: Roomba no the.
Bo: Roomba nader, now Roomba with a view.
Bo: That's the more romantic one.
Bo: Roomba cop.
Bo: Roomba cop is not bad.
Bo: Hey Sleazebag, roomba, hey Sleazebag.
Bo: I'm stuck on this small wooden ledge
Bo: separating the hallway from the bathroom.
Bo: How about you?
Bo: Give a Roomba a hand, will you?
Bo: Can you fly Roomba?
Chad: We come back to furniture king, and things
Chad: have escalated quickly because Rick, you
Chad: know one of the two married people.
Chad: He's presumably just naked in a bed bow
Chad: that is for sale to people in this very
Chad: tiny furniture store, and his wife, Linda.
Chad: She sachets out wearing her panties and bra
Chad: combo.
Chad: Keep in mind, this furniture store doesn't
Chad: have separate room, it's just one big room
Chad: with furniture in it and the size of a
Chad: 7-Eleven.
Chad: And then Linda comes out, she leaps onto
Chad: Rick and then these two start grinding.
Chad: The camera just slowly pans over and here
Chad: are Greg and Susie who are on a couch.
Chad: That's just right over there, Bo, it's
Chad: right there.
Chad: Reach out your fingers, you can touch.
Chad: Greg says hey, you smell like pepperoni.
Chad: She's like why would you say that?
Chad: And he's like don't worry, I like pepperoni.
Chad: Let's get naked and have sex on this couch
Chad: that someone might buy tomorrow, While our
Chad: friends have sex over there on that bed
Chad: that someone also might buy tomorrow.
Bo: One of the weirdest moments in a movie
Bo: filled with a lot of weird little moments
Bo: is as Susie is stripping.
Bo: She starts humming some inappropriately
Bo: peppy tune as she is stripping.
Chad: I think she's humming Street Walking,
Chad: street Walking.
Chad: Sure probably, so Got to be home street,
Chad: street walking, then the camera keeps
Chad: panning.
Bo: Yes, let's keep going.
Bo: What else is happening?
Bo: And now Mike and Leslie are also on a
Bo: nearby couch with a sheet thrown over them
Bo: and they're getting into some uncomfortably
Bo: close fucking.
Chad: As the camera pans over, it goes past a box
Chad: of better cheddar snack crackers.
Chad: I was like, do they still make better
Chad: cheddar snack crackers?
Chad: Because our house is a Cheez-It's household,
Chad: we also certainly partake of goldfish brand
Chad: cheddar crackers as well, but not so much
Chad: the better cheddar crackers.
Bo: Oh look who's fancy, While we have goldfish
Bo: in our house we don't know anything about
Bo: better cheddar.
Chad: What does that say about me?
Chad: We're panning across these three couples in
Chad: various states of dress and sex and I'm
Chad: like, hey, is that better cheddar crackers?
Chad: They still make those.
Chad: Hold on, let me get an internet.
Chad: Well, they do.
Bo: I just not been looking.
Chad: Oh my God, no to self by better cheddar
Chad: crackers.
Bo: Yeah, sure that camera is uncomfortably
Bo: close to her nipples, but I've got
Bo: important information to sort out here
Bo: which is can I and, more to the point,
Bo: should I invest some time and money into
Bo: getting some better cheddars in my mouth?
Chad: Is that a can of melon flavored Hawaiian
Chad: punch in the background?
Chad: I believe it Do.
Chad: They make that?
Chad: They do, but you have to buy direct from
Chad: the manufacturer.
Bo: Oh my God, that's a 64 ounce bottle of Ecto
Bo: Cooler.
Bo: Hang on a second oh, oh wait, you can make
Bo: your own.
Bo: Guess who's having better cheddars and Ecto
Bo: Cooler this weekend?
Chad: The movie eventually pans over to Ferdy the
Chad: nerdy and Allison, our final girl, and
Chad: they're innocently watching the 1965 black
Chad: and white movie Attack of the Crab Monster,
Chad: which may or may not be an intentional
Chad: choice, as our three kill bots also have
Chad: pinchers on their hands, like crabs.
Bo: Chad.
Bo: Let me just say here is why it's an
Bo: appropriate choice.
Bo: Roger Corman owned it and it was free to
Bo: put it in the movie.
Chad: I was just trying to give credit where
Chad: credit wasn't due.
Chad: In this movie, something scary happens and
Chad: it causes Allison to jump into the arms of
Chad: Ferdy because she needs a big, strong man
Chad: to protect her.
Chad: And in the background you see a socially
Chad: distant orgy taking place.
Chad: These three other couples are full on
Chad: having sex in the background.
Bo: Absolutely.
Chad: Just think about how uncomfortable it is to
Chad: be in the real world, around people making
Chad: out, you know, like at a party or if you're
Chad: in a movie theater, like you've been
Chad: somewhere and you see like this is awkward.
Chad: Imagine that times three and they're having
Chad: sex Like that's insane.
Bo: I would be slowly pulling the sheet back to
Bo: reveal them in totem, Just to get a look
Bo: like hey, if you're going to be fucking
Bo: around me, I want to see the full.
Chad: I'm leaving.
Chad: I'm like I'm out of here.
Chad: I don't want the smells to start to mix.
Chad: I might throw up.
Chad: I've got my camera out.
Bo: My phone is recording this.
Bo: I'm arranging lights around them.
Bo: I'm going to turn this into a real, like
Bo: only fans kind of situation.
Chad: Ferdy offers Allison some wine and she's
Chad: like Ferdy, are you trying to get me drunk?
Chad: And Ferdy's like no, I just thought to a
Chad: nice girl like you might be thirsty.
Chad: You know this is my uncle's furniture store
Chad: and you know Greg set me up with you and
Chad: you know I wouldn't tell about this sex
Chad: orgy going on to anybody because I didn't
Chad: anticipate he'd set me up with someone as
Chad: pretty as you.
Chad: Please don't tell my uncle.
Chad: And orgy happened in this building.
Chad: And then in the background, one of these
Chad: women just starts having a very loud orgasm
Chad: like you do yes, or maybe it was one of the
Chad: guys who just really gets high pitched
Chad: whenever someone milks the bull.
Chad: Then Ferdy says hey, allison, maybe I
Chad: should take you home.
Chad: The mall's security gates are going to be
Chad: closing in about an hour.
Chad: And then the film cuts to the TV screen
Chad: where we see the finale of Attack of the
Chad: Crab Monster and the words the end, making
Chad: it the second time in this film that the
Chad: filmmakers gave us the viewing audience and
Chad: out to turn off this movie or leave the
Chad: theater and go about our more productive
Chad: lives.
Bo: But we didn't know.
Bo: And then we cut over chat to legendary B
Bo: movie sable, Dick Miller.
Chad: He was in Heart Beeps.
Chad: This is a heartbeaps reunion though it kind
Chad: of is.
Chad: You're right.
Chad: We got Crime Buster Junior and we got those
Chad: racist weirdos through a house party in
Chad: Heart Beeps and we got Dick Miller.
Bo: It's practically Heart Beeps too, and,
Bo: honestly, a hundred percent more
Bo: entertaining.
Bo: It's a prequel to Heart Beeps.
Bo: This is how that couple rose to prominence
Bo: and got that fancy house.
Chad: That's right, and it's also how they
Chad: recognize the robots.
Bo: That's it.
Chad: Dick Miller.
Chad: He's a janitor in this and he's mopping the
Chad: floor of the mall with a liquid that
Chad: appears to be spoiled chocolate milk.
Bo: Yes, some other janitors roll up on them
Bo: and they give him some shit about a thing.
Chad: They're drinking, bo, they're drinking
Chad: beers walking around the mall, I was like
Chad: is that what happens when the mall closed?
Chad: Then what happened when I worked at the
Chad: mall?
Chad: Just, people are having orgies in the
Chad: furniture store and the janitors walk
Chad: around.
Bo: Mold janitors are their own breed man.
Bo: They are the greasers of the mall just
Bo: living on by their own rules.
Bo: One time I was hanging out, you might have
Bo: been part of this.
Chad: I was hanging out with you, or our friend
Chad: Ben, the one who stole stuff all the time.
Chad: Somewhere I don't know where these came
Chad: from, but somebody had a handful of
Chad: pornographic magazines and we're like 16,
Chad: 17.
Chad: I was like what can we do with these?
Chad: It'd be pretty entertaining.
Chad: So we tore out the centerfolds from them
Chad: and we went to the mall I tell this story
Chad: because I feel sorry for the janitors who
Chad: had to take care of what's going to happen
Chad: and we went into the public bathrooms and
Chad: we took the centerfolds and we creased them
Chad: up the middle and set them up on the back
Chad: of the toilet.
Chad: Were you part of?
Bo: this shenanigan?
Bo: I don't think so.
Chad: And we set them up on the back of the
Chad: toilet.
Chad: But before we did all of that, we went into
Chad: the makeup section of a larger department
Chad: store and we filled up our hands with white
Chad: lotion and took it all in and then we
Chad: proceeded to just spider web this white
Chad: lotion all over these centerfolds in the
Chad: toilets, propped up and then left and just
Chad: laughed our asses.
Bo: It's funny, because like lotion really
Bo: looks.
Bo: Nothing like cum.
Bo: My.
Bo: God, maybe you're doing it wrong, I don't
Bo: know.
Bo: It's more red because of the blood Wait.
Chad: It's pink.
Bo: Right, it's got to kind of a pinkish frothy
Bo: quality.
Chad: And then, and you know what happened the
Chad: very next day, when I looked at the
Chad: headline of the local newspaper in our
Chad: hometown it read Bull milkers strike again
Chad: at local mall bull milkers terrorizing
Chad: society for the past 40 years.
Bo: The janitors are giving some shit about
Bo: getting locked in the mall overnight at one
Bo: point or something.
Bo: Yeah, again, it's like this tease of a
Bo: backstory that is unnecessary and not
Bo: filled in enough, so you're just left
Bo: wondering like so what happened to Dick
Bo: Miller.
Chad: He got locked in the mall and they had to
Chad: let him out the next day or something.
Chad: I don't know.
Bo: There's a whole movie that we just don't
Bo: ever see.
Bo: About this, it's like home alone.
Chad: just less entertaining, it's the draft
Chad: script of career opportunities involving
Chad: Dick Miller running around a mall screaming
Chad: hello, can you get me out of here?
Bo: I don't have my medication or the first
Bo: draft of die hard, like we have no idea it
Bo: could have been anything.
Bo: And he says, yeah, I'll be out of here at
Bo: 10 minutes, don't you worry about it.
Bo: And they're trucking off and he's just
Bo: seething and muttering to himself, as I
Bo: assume Dick Miller did a lot in real life.
Chad: And then a killbot rolls up, knocks over
Chad: the mop and bucket full of thick brown
Chad: liquid and the killbot says may I see your
Chad: identification badge please Like?
Chad: Oh, such polite killbots, your parents
Chad: would be so proud.
Chad: And then Dick Miller before he can show his
Chad: badge, the robot fires a wire into the mop
Chad: water and then it electrocutes Dick Miller
Chad: to death.
Bo: At first it just knocks the bucket over,
Bo: now he bumps.
Chad: He bumps into the bucket and then it fires
Chad: the electrodes Right.
Bo: So it kind of sets up the whole thing.
Bo: But before it fires the electrode, Dick
Bo: Miller is giving it some shit for like, oh,
Bo: you knocked over that bucket, Stupid robot
Bo: can't do nothing.
Bo: And then it fires the thing and just zaps
Bo: him and he collapses like smoke curling out
Bo: of his mouth, which leads to a visual gag
Bo: of Leslie back in the furniture fuck store
Bo: saying boy, I sure could use a smoke.
Chad: I guess I didn't catch that either time I
Chad: watch this, but I'm proud of myself for
Chad: saying that.
Chad: Mike the douchebag is then sent down to go
Chad: buy her some cigarettes from the vending
Chad: machine, but before he leaves, leslie says
Chad: oh, mike, hurry back.
Chad: And she pulls the covers down, exposing her
Chad: breast, which, by the way, during this
Chad: whole scene, mike the douchebag was topless
Chad: as well.
Chad: As I mentioned earlier, there's a lot of
Chad: nipples in this movie, you know.
Bo: I feel like they just got done fucking and
Bo: her just showing a breast.
Bo: Is it the inspiration that I think she
Bo: thinks?
Chad: it is.
Chad: I think he left because he didn't want to
Chad: sit there and listen to her.
Bo: Yeah, Well, and he tells her like hey,
Bo: there's a pack of camels by the register
Bo: and she's like you know, I only smoked
Bo: Virgin lights.
Bo: He's like, ah, Christ, all right.
Bo: So he grabs his badge, just in case he runs
Bo: into a kill, and he finds the cigarette
Bo: machine which, by the way, a buck 25 for a
Bo: pack of smokes in 1986, chad, that an eight
Bo: year old could purchase that a five year
Bo: old could purchase.
Bo: Nobody was looking, nobody cared.
Chad: Oh, those were the days, man I found a pack
Chad: of candy cigarettes in a store not too long
Chad: ago.
Chad: I bought them, gave me my kid smoke up.
Bo: He's like this looks terrible.
Bo: Well, how about these?
Bo: It's real cigarettes.
Bo: Try that.
Chad: He's by the cigarette machine and then a
Chad: payphone behind him rings and Mike answers
Chad: it and he says no, Jamal, there are no
Chad: messages for you.
Chad: And he hangs up and all I could think was
Chad: what was the other part of this
Chad: conversation?
Chad: Hi, this is Jamal.
Chad: Are there any messages for me?
Bo: Oh, thanks, Click another movie that is
Bo: happening outside the borders of the movie
Bo: we're watching that.
Bo: I am kind of curious about the Dick Miller
Bo: movie.
Chad: Whatever's going on with Kilbot control
Chad: room like a real Rosencrantz and
Chad: Guildenstern, like it's some sort of
Chad: anthology that's just dancing around the
Chad: fringes of this particular film.
Bo: Who is Jamal?
Bo: Why does he have this guy's number?
Bo: It's all told out of order.
Bo: Like Pulp Fiction, you just cut back to
Bo: John Travolta sitting on a toilet in the
Bo: mall bathroom.
Bo: You're like wait a second.
Bo: What's going on again?
Bo: I thought he was already dead.
Bo: Any of you fucking Kilbot smooth?
Bo: I'll accept it.
Bo: Cute.
Bo: Every last mother fucking one of you.
Chad: So after he hangs up the phone, a Kilbot
Chad: rolls up and says show me your
Chad: identification.
Chad: And Mike pulls out his ID and shows it to
Chad: the Kilbot and he says flat two correct and
Chad: not two.
Chad: And it's this jumbled reference to the day
Chad: the earth stood still.
Chad: And then the Kilbot just shoots Mike with a
Chad: sleeping dart.
Chad: It's real.
Chad: Oh, there comes the day.
Chad: And then out comes the claw.
Chad: So you're like oh, mike's eating it.
Chad: Leslie decides to get up and put on a shirt
Chad: and she walks out into the mall and she's
Chad: shouting out for Mike.
Chad: She's like Mike, mike, mike the douchebag,
Chad: are you there?
Chad: And then the movie cuts back to Ferdy the
Chad: Nerdy and Allison, our final girl, and
Chad: they're still on couch watching TV while
Chad: Rick and Linda continue to have sex in the
Chad: bed behind them.
Chad: And Ferdy's like what's up with these two?
Chad: All they do is fight and have sex.
Chad: Like when were they fighting?
Bo: Somewhere around the time that Vincent Vega
Bo: was taken.
Bo: Uma Thurman out on the date.
Chad: And then Allison says to Ferdy, thanks for
Chad: not trying to have sex with me, you're one
Chad: of the good ones.
Bo: No, I'm just homosexual, that's okay.
Bo: I feel like you don't know what that means.
Bo: Of course, you do you silly, so do you want
Bo: to blow job?
Bo: Or no, no, no, you don't understand I.
Bo: I'm just not attracted to women, because
Bo: I'm not attracted to women either.
Chad: We have a lot in common.
Bo: How about I just sit on your lap and wiggle
Bo: around and see what happens?
Bo: Nothing, nothing is going to happen.
Bo: You're silly.
Chad: Anyway, we come back to Leslie, who's going
Chad: to the cigarette machine and she's wearing
Chad: her Playboy Bunny brand panties with the
Chad: little Playboy Bunny ears on the ass.
Bo: She goes to the cigarette machine.
Bo: Doesn't see that Mike is just leaning
Bo: against the wall on the other side of said
Bo: cigarette machine?
Chad: Yeah, his legs are sticking out in the
Chad: light.
Bo: I mean, these are clearly Mike shaped legs
Bo: and finally she notices she's like oh my
Bo: God, Mike, and she pulls him forward and
Bo: she sees that his neck is slit and starts
Bo: pumping blood out.
Chad: She takes off running and in a killbot
Chad: shows up and gives chase, not even giving
Chad: her a chance to show her ID, and this
Chad: killbot bow starts firing pink Star Wars
Chad: brand laser beams at her, but it's Star
Chad: Wars stormtrooper level accuracy.
Bo: Well, it's moving, you know that's fair,
Bo: and so is she.
Chad: So, yeah, that's that's hard, but it does
Chad: shoot her in the ass, which is pretty down
Chad: she goes, but she makes it back to
Chad: Furniture King as all of her sex loving
Chad: peers look out the front window and bow.
Chad: What happens next.
Bo: This thing fires a laser beam at her head
Bo: and it explodes like a watermelon with an
Bo: M80 shoved in it.
Bo: It is pretty great.
Chad: It's like scanners, I mean yeah, when
Chad: you're watching this movie because nothing
Chad: like this has happened so far it kind of
Chad: feels like a modern day PG 13 film like, oh,
Chad: they're going to pull their punches in her
Chad: head, boom.
Bo: Just blows up.
Bo: It's pretty good.
Bo: And then we see another killbot coming down
Bo: the hallway and everybody in the furniture
Bo: store is freaking out.
Bo: They blast through the glass doors and just
Bo: start shooting up the place.
Chad: I like that the second killbot blasts blue
Chad: Star Wars brand laser beams and the first
Chad: one has pink colored Star Wars brand laser
Chad: beams when they're shooting them around.
Chad: That you could hire these killbots for a
Chad: gender reveal party, like, if they shoot a
Chad: pink laser and you kill somebody, it's a
Chad: girl.
Chad: If they shoot a blue laser and they kill
Chad: somebody, it's a boy.
Chad: Isn't that fun?
Bo: And it would be about as safe as your
Bo: regular gender reveal party.
Bo: We only had one exploding head in this
Bo: gender reveal party, not a wildfire that
Bo: displaced thousands.
Chad: I listened to a podcast called the Decoder
Chad: Ring and they tell the secret history of
Chad: things and why they happened.
Chad: And they did one on gender reveal parties
Chad: and it all started with a single patient
Chad: zero of a woman who made a cake and did a
Chad: gender reveal at her home and it was
Chad: published in this soon to be mommy magazine
Chad: that was subscribed to by pretty much every
Chad: obstetrician's office in America.
Chad: And they did this one little feature story
Chad: and because every mom to be read about it,
Chad: it just took off no pun intended like
Chad: wildfire.
Chad: And the interview with the woman she was
Chad: just like I regret ever doing that.
Chad: She's like this is all my fault, the more
Chad: you know.
Bo: Sort of like the guy who invented the
Bo: shopping mall of like.
Bo: I unreservedly reject the fact that I
Bo: invented this.
Bo: I fucked up.
Bo: I am so sorry.
Bo: Yes, my bad.
Bo: I was trying to do something good and I
Bo: fucked up.
Bo: Isn't that how most things go?
Bo: That is the title of my autobiography.
Bo: I was trying to do the right thing and I
Bo: fucked up.
Bo: I was telling a kid today at school because
Bo: I mold young mindshad.
Bo: They were like man, I keep trying to do
Bo: good and I always get my own way.
Bo: First of all, that's good self-awareness.
Bo: Second of all, welcome to life where you're
Bo: just constantly trying to do the right
Bo: thing and do good and you just end up
Bo: fucking it up for yourself.
Bo: I mean, I put it slightly less profane than
Bo: that.
Bo: But I told him like hey, that is 100% the
Bo: rest of your days.
Bo: Get used to that feeling.
Chad: Back in our movie the Killbots.
Chad: They blast through the front doors of
Chad: furniture King and everybody.
Chad: Inside are remaining six living humans.
Chad: They all rush to the back room.
Chad: It appears that they're safe for a moment,
Chad: and then Ferdy tries to call for help.
Chad: But doesn't he know that phones don't work
Chad: in horror movies?
Chad: No, that's not going to happen.
Chad: So then suddenly it's midnight and the
Chad: whole mall goes on lockdown as the metal
Chad: doors closed on this facility.
Chad: And I thought I can end this movie right
Chad: now.
Chad: Just start pulling fire alarms.
Bo: That's a great idea, and you're done.
Chad: The phones don't work.
Chad: Yeah, keep pulling fire alarms.
Bo: They'll show up, but instead Chad.
Bo: What happens is that Allison is like hey,
Bo: how about we all get up in this air duct?
Bo: And the plan is, chad, we're going to climb
Bo: through the air ducts, take that to the
Bo: parking level and get in the cars and get
Bo: out of there, which isn't the worst idea or
Bo: fire alarms.
Chad: But are the fire alarms in the air duct?
Chad: We'll go find them All right, have at it,
Chad: ladies.
Bo: Also the kill box shed, who are outfitted
Bo: with some sort of plastic explosive.
Bo: Yes are about to blow open the door.
Bo: Apparently, that's just a bonus you get if
Bo: you order three.
Bo: Yeah, you also get the plastic explosives.
Bo: You got the security door.
Chad: You got the three kill box.
Chad: Now you got an option.
Chad: Do you want different colored lasers?
Chad: No upcharge.
Chad: Yes, pink and blue.
Chad: Got it All right.
Chad: Now another question Do you want focused
Chad: laser functionality, a lot like what you
Chad: see in your supermans that have?
Chad: That's a yes.
Chad: With that you're also going to get the
Chad: plastic explosive squirts.
Chad: A tiny little of dollop, kind of looks like
Chad: somebody milked a bull.
Chad: Then they fill it up with a long wire,
Chad: knocks down a door.
Bo: Aren't they try to prevent doors from being
Bo: knocked down?
Bo: And you're viewing this the wrong way.
Chad: A criminal taken off the streets is a
Chad: criminal that is not on the streets.
Chad: They're not called kill bots on accident.
Chad: We sell them is that?
Chad: They're just going to patrol and call the
Chad: cops?
Chad: They're going to murder everybody.
Bo: I don't know why I would want it, then why
Bo: wouldn't you?
Chad: want it.
Bo: Because we have just regular people come to
Bo: the mall, have you ever seen someone killed
Bo: in front of you?
Chad: and then you get a murder boner.
Chad: It's the greatest feeling in the world.
Bo: I love other brochure.
Bo: They've got bullet points of why you should
Bo: pop these killbots, additional security
Bo: security doors if you buy two multicolored
Bo: lasers murder psychological aphrodisiac.
Chad: What does that mean?
Chad: Oh, you'll find out, buddy.
Chad: You want these things in action.
Chad: Man, it's going to be high noon.
Chad: You know what I'm saying.
Bo: Oh my God, I love it so much.
Chad: It's also crazy how close we are to the end
Chad: of this movie.
Chad: It's almost over.
Bo: So the guys end up having to run while the
Bo: girls are in the ducks because the killbots
Bo: blow their way into the place.
Chad: Jesus, it's the killbots.
Bo: Feets don't fail me now and the girls are
Bo: starting to really sweat it out in the
Bo: vents and Suzy is having a good old
Bo: fashioned freak out in there.
Bo: Where he's like oh my God, my boyfriend
Bo: needs me.
Bo: And they're like Suzy, what the fuck are
Bo: you talking about?
Bo: We're almost out of here.
Bo: All we got to do is keep going and we're
Bo: going to get out of here.
Bo: Oh man, those robots must turn on the heat.
Bo: They know we're in here.
Bo: Yeah, Suzy, shut the fuck up, William.
Chad: Chill out, baby, chill out, all right, be
Chad: cool, be cool.
Chad: Be cool like Fonzie.
Chad: What's Fonzie?
Bo: like Suzy.
Bo: Cool correct.
Bo: A.
Bo: Mundo.
Bo: Meanwhile, the guys are hoofing it to Peck
Bo: and Paw Sporting Goods.
Bo: I get it for guns.
Chad: See Heston Second Amendment.
Bo: Emporium Right Hunter S Thompson shopping
Bo: mall.
Chad: It's very subtle and so they end up having
Chad: to bust the glass to get in in this place
Chad: is just ceiling to floor with automatic
Chad: weapons and shotguns, ammunition all open
Chad: to the public, like you can just take it
Chad: off the shelf, load it up and start
Chad: murdering people.
Chad: Like from a modern perspective, it is
Chad: shocking that there are this many guns and
Chad: bullets.
Chad: But what's even more shocking is this was
Chad: probably pretty accurate.
Bo: Absolutely.
Bo: I also like the fact that there are several
Bo: propane tanks that you can use, because you
Bo: know why would you want a gun without an
Bo: explosive of some kind?
Chad: This feels like a level of from Left 4 Dead
Chad: 2.
Chad: Yes, you know, chopping mall like oh, I get
Chad: it.
Chad: So it's zombies and robots Interesting.
Bo: And so Rick is like we're going to send
Bo: those fuckers a Rambo Graham.
Bo: And you're like, oh right, 80s, Of course
Bo: everybody had a Rambo joke.
Chad: How awesome would it be to get a Rambo
Chad: Graham when?
Speaker 3: he's like I heard it was your birthday,
Speaker 3: another day older.
Speaker 3: I want you to know that death is coming and
Speaker 3: there's nothing you can do.
Speaker 3: Maybe you're wondering do you get to win
Speaker 3: this time?
Speaker 3: Yeah, they drew first, but will you get to
Speaker 3: win this time?
Speaker 3: Happy birthday, jeanette.
Bo: All right, do you get to make a wish this
Bo: time?
Bo: Yeah, you do, because it's your birthday.
Speaker 3: Let's just remember to survive a birthday.
Speaker 3: You got to become a birthday.
Speaker 3: I don't know what that means, but a happy
Speaker 3: birthday, deborah, all right.
Bo: Then Richard Crita shows up in the corner.
Bo: He's a birthday machine.
Bo: We made him that way.
Chad: You ever go to cameo and look at how much
Chad: celebrities are hawking their whatever
Chad: broader personality and voice and whatever
Chad: to people?
Chad: Not one time Chad.
Chad: It's an awesome game.
Chad: You got to go in, get somebody you know and
Chad: love and you just start throwing out names
Chad: and figuring out how much they charge for a
Chad: cameo.
Bo: Although I've never been on the website
Bo: cameo once, and I'm not.
Bo: That's not saying that there's anything
Bo: wrong with it.
Bo: I should.
Bo: I just never have.
Bo: But someone I know got a cameo from the
Bo: kids in the halls Kevin McDonald, uh-huh,
Bo: and it was fucking epic.
Bo: Kevin McDonald went all in on it.
Bo: It wasn't just a I'm going through the
Bo: motions, he went full Kevin McDonald on it
Bo: and it was a thing of beauty.
Chad: But you're recording like a minute.
Chad: Oh here, all right, right now ready.
Chad: Dean Norris from Breaking Bad Uh-huh.
Chad: How much is he charging for a cameo?
Chad: Do you think a hundred bucks, 200 bucks?
Chad: Okay, all right.
Chad: John O'Hurley from Seinfeld and some game
Chad: shows and, I'm sure, something else.
Bo: What's he charged?
Bo: Oh okay, All right.
Bo: John O'Hurley 150 bucks, 200 bucks.
Chad: Fred Stoller.
Chad: Remember Fred Stoller, the state of
Chad: comedian.
Chad: What's he charging?
Bo: 250, 35 bucks.
Bo: What you can't afford.
Bo: Not to get a cameo from Fred Stoller at
Bo: those prices.
Chad: It is one of the best games ever to go
Chad: through and just look at these people and
Chad: to see like who is so not desperate for
Chad: cash.
Chad: I get it Like this is doing Comic-cons
Chad: without having to go anywhere.
Chad: Joel McHale 250 bucks is the going rate
Chad: right now.
Chad: What?
Chad: Yeah, that's not terrible.
Chad: The guy who played one of those twins,
Chad: lewis Moncada I don't know which one of the
Chad: twins he was he's a hundred bucks to wish
Chad: people a happy birthday.
Chad: Dave Foley is charging a hundred bucks from
Chad: the kids in the hall.
Chad: I saw him do one where he did the full
Chad: soliloquy of being the worst doctor in the
Chad: world.
Chad: That's fantastic.
Chad: When I search for Dave Foley, mick Foley,
Chad: professional wrestler, came up.
Chad: His is a hundred and forty nine bucks.
Chad: It's crazy man.
Chad: It's a blast to go through and play.
Chad: Who costs more this person?
Chad: That person Is Henry Rollins on there.
Bo: There's no way but hold on.
Bo: No, all right, that makes sense.
Bo: I don't know why he would ever do that, but
Bo: I would also love I can't imagine that he
Bo: would do it.
Chad: The most expensive cameos that are out
Chad: there right now Kevin O'Leary, the guy from
Chad: Shark Tank.
Chad: He wants $1,500.
Bo: Oh go fuck yourself, Okay yeah.
Chad: He took the words out of my mouth on that.
Chad: There's a bunch of iced tea.
Chad: He wants 600 bucks.
Chad: Nope, robert England, 500 bucks.
Bo: I get that one.
Chad: Don Johnson 500 bucks.
Chad: No, it's crazy man, but the bad thing is is
Chad: that once you go to cameo and you noodle
Chad: around for a little bit, all of your social
Chad: media and targeted advertising across
Chad: websites is going to be 100 percent cameo
Chad: for the next six months.
Bo: Yeah, that's fine, you're going to use that
Bo: money on bullshit anyway.
Bo: Why not get Eric Roberts to tell you what a
Bo: good job you're doing?
Bo: That's why I need Kevin McDonald is I just
Bo: need Kevin McDonald to give me a pep talk,
Bo: and whatever he's charging, it ain't enough.
Bo: And then every time I'm feeling a little
Bo: blue, chad right, you know, you're an evil.
Chad: Evil Y boy right or just like.
Chad: Hey man, I know you've had a really rough
Chad: time your illness and your family having
Chad: financial problems but I got you a two
Chad: minute video recording of Ernie Hudson
Chad: doling out some pearls of wisdom.
Bo: Great, great.
Bo: He's the best Ghostbuster, but he didn't do
Bo: nothing.
Bo: But he's still Ghostbuster.
Bo: Let's finish this.
Chad: Oh yeah, yeah.
Chad: They're all strapped up with guns and ammo.
Chad: They've got like crisscross ammunition on
Chad: their chest.
Chad: It's all ridiculous.
Bo: Just firing bullets wildly into the air,
Bo: chad.
Bo: That's how they draw the attention of the
Bo: killbots.
Bo: And sure enough, one comes around the
Bo: corner and they get in a good old fashioned
Bo: gunfight.
Bo: Where it's shooting lasers, they're
Bo: shooting bullets.
Chad: The bullets don't really have much of an
Chad: effect.
Bo: They throw a propane tank at it, yeah, and
Bo: then they shoot that and the thing goes up
Bo: like a Roman fucking candle, yeah, and
Bo: you're like, oh, that's one down, two to go,
Bo: but don't get so confident.
Bo: But first we got to cut back to the beds,
Bo: where Susie is still freaking out is like
Bo: Greg needs me and they're like Susie, would
Bo: you shut?
Chad: the fuck up.
Chad: That's it, I'm leaving.
Chad: And so she just kicks through an air vent
Chad: and drops down into one of the stores, and
Chad: Allison and Linda they follow suit.
Bo: It turns out they're in a Sherman Williams,
Bo: I'm guessing paint store, and then the guys
Bo: decide, hey, we need to go get somewhere
Bo: those propane tanks that worked pretty good,
Bo: we need some propane or some butans.
Bo: One of them and Greg's like wait, I've got
Bo: an awful, evil, wonderful idea.
Bo: While he's taken off, susie is determined
Bo: to go find the guys and the girls decided
Bo: like well, we're going to arm up to yeah.
Bo: And so they're grabbing anything that they
Bo: can use for a weapon.
Bo: And then you see Chad, one of the kill bots,
Bo: just kind of backs into this little alcove
Bo: and powers down like he, he, he, they'll
Bo: never.
Bo: So while that thing's hiding, the guys are
Bo: trying to pry open this elevator.
Chad: Yeah, it's a stuck elevator.
Chad: I'm like what's your plan here?
Chad: To get inside and be trapped?
Bo: We'll get to that.
Bo: And then nerdy Ferdy is like hey guys, do
Bo: you think that the kill bots can read our
Bo: minds?
Bo: And they're like what?
Bo: No, what are you talking about?
Bo: He's like I don't know.
Bo: I guess they could just do lots of stuff,
Bo: and I was wondering if they could do that
Bo: too.
Bo: But you just shut up.
Bo: You're not helping anything.
Bo: Linda then shows them how to make some
Bo: Molotov cocktails out of gas containers and
Bo: rags, which seems self-evident to me, but
Bo: everyone seems real surprised.
Bo: Like a combination of gasoline and rags.
Chad: Huh, I like that these gas cans are full of
Chad: gasoline and on the store shelf of a mall,
Chad: yeah Well this is the same.
Bo: All that has like fully armed M16s and
Bo: explosives.
Bo: Allison stashes a road flare down her shirt
Bo: in the midst of all this, which will come
Bo: into play later.
Chad: At least the movie's phoning that in and I
Chad: was like what is the name of this store?
Chad: Like Pyromaniacs are us, yeah.
Chad: And when she tucks it into her bra you're
Chad: like, oh OK, I get it, we're going to.
Chad: And I just want to say this reminded me a
Chad: little bit of that first toy story, but I
Chad: absolutely adore that movie.
Chad: And when Woody takes the matchstick and
Chad: puts it into his pistol holster and you're
Chad: like, oh, he's going to use it at the end
Chad: of the movie.
Chad: And when he strikes it to light, that
Chad: rocket and that car immediately blows it
Chad: out.
Chad: It's such great writing, it's such a head
Chad: fake to lead you down this alleyway and
Chad: then to just sucker punch you in a
Chad: direction you don't see coming.
Chad: I adore that.
Chad: It's pretty good, original toy story, good
Chad: movie and I will happily debate that.
Chad: I think Toy Story 2 is a superior film.
Bo: Hmm, it's good, it's good.
Bo: I think the whole original trilogy is quite
Bo: good.
Chad: I saw that fourth one.
Chad: I don't remember anything about it.
Bo: As far as I'm concerned, Toy Story ends
Bo: with all of those toys holding hands and
Bo: writing that shoot down into hell.
Bo: That is where the movie ends for me.
Bo: I stop it right there.
Chad: You just turned it off and you're like well,
Chad: there we go.
Bo: That is the end of the toys, and a fitting
Bo: end.
Bo: They all told each other how they felt
Bo: about each other.
Bo: They had some closure in their
Bo: relationships and then they all died, and
Bo: that's fine.
Chad: My son came to me and asked me what would
Chad: happen if you left a crucifix with the Toy
Chad: Story toys.
Chad: I was like I don't know.
Bo: That's interesting.
Bo: You're going to walk in and it's going to
Bo: be upside down.
Bo: That's for begin season.
Chad: I'm sure he read these online.
Chad: He came to me and he said if one of the Toy
Chad: Story toys died, and then Andy comes in,
Chad: like is he just playing with a corpse?
Chad: Like do they get rid of it?
Chad: You're all about valid questions.
Chad: I like where his head's at and you know
Chad: what.
Chad: Like father likes son, what happens if you
Chad: take one of those real dolls and throw it
Chad: in the Toy Story?
Bo: room.
Bo: Well, it's a pregnant.
Chad: It has a Mr Potato Head son I read a story
Chad: on the internet the other day about this
Chad: guy who came into a house and he was an EMT
Chad: or something like that, because a dude had
Chad: died in the house and they took out his
Chad: corpse because they knew he was dead
Chad: because of the stink, I'm sure.
Chad: But then the guy who was the EMT or the
Chad: cleaner or whatever, he eyed a real doll in
Chad: the house and he got arrested trying to
Chad: break into the house not once but twice to
Chad: steal this real doll.
Chad: And he did steal it and I'm sure he had sex
Chad: with it.
Chad: But I was like you know what.
Chad: He came up with a plan and he executed on
Chad: it.
Chad: Good for you, perverted weirdo.
Bo: Oh, back in the movie Chad, the kill-bot
Bo: that we thought was blowed up.
Bo: Not blew it up at all, it just gets itself
Bo: back up and is like, oh boy, that sucked.
Bo: Where are those punks?
Chad: It's like every car in Grand Theft Auto
Chad: Just wiggle your stick left and right and
Chad: suddenly we went from being flipped over to
Chad: back on our wheels.
Bo: Ferdy the nerd ends up wiring the elevator
Bo: to work while Greg and Rick are making more
Bo: bombs from these propane tanks.
Bo: But even though he's got it working, he
Bo: can't get it to go up or down, but he can
Bo: open and close the doors of the elevator,
Bo: which seems like a real half measure to me.
Chad: Sure, that's not what we need it to do, but
Chad: go on.
Bo: The girls are going to find the guys and
Bo: the kill-bot that was hiding out,
Bo: hee-hee-hee, comes out of the alcove.
Bo: Susie screams and it goes chasing after her.
Bo: The guys hear this, but while they're
Bo: coming to see what the ruckus is, allison
Bo: tosses one of her Molotov cocktails, but
Bo: the robot just drives through and starts
Bo: firing its lasers again, and so the guys
Bo: are kind of chasing after the sounds of the
Bo: screams, and then Susie falls and, rather
Bo: than even remotely attempt to get up right,
Bo: just lies there and is like no, no, please
Bo: don't shoot the gas can in my hand, which
Bo: is, of course, exactly what the kill-bot
Bo: does, yeah.
Bo: And then Susie is mysteriously replaced by
Bo: a stuntman on fire, yes, who tries to get
Bo: up, and it's kind of gruesome, though, like
Bo: the fact that you see ostensibly Susie,
Bo: although this looks nothing like Susie.
Chad: It's like a 250 pound man who's working for
Chad: scale and a sandwich.
Bo: It's like me in a burn suit.
Bo: Just like slowly get up like oh Christ.
Bo: Oh boy my back will help here.
Bo: We're knocking off for lunch, after this
Bo: right, the cupcakes for anybody.
Bo: Were you concerned that?
Chad: the mall is now on fire.
Chad: I mean, earlier I was talking about pulling
Chad: fire alarms for funsies and to keep you
Chad: alive.
Chad: Here there is a full blown ring of fire six
Chad: to 10 feet across, burning this carpet that
Chad: is completely made of combustible materials
Chad: and a burning corpse beside it.
Bo: Well, I wasn't as worried because ground
Bo: chewing gum just shoved into a carpet
Bo: doesn't burn.
Bo: It's actually flame retardant and so, given
Bo: the amount of just trash and gum and snot
Bo: and semen like all just soaked into this
Bo: carpet, it's not going to burn for long,
Bo: it's going to burn itself out pretty fast.
Chad: For what it's worth it's flame.
Chad: Special needs.
Chad: Oh, I'm sorry.
Chad: Please try to keep up with the times.
Bo: Right, I come from a different generation,
Bo: chad.
Bo: You're right.
Bo: You're right and honestly, I'm glad you
Bo: said something because I want to learn, I
Bo: want to be better.
Chad: I know you do.
Chad: I know you're always working on you,
Chad: because if you're not working on you, how
Chad: are you going to be able to help other
Chad: people work on themselves?
Chad: 100% yeah.
Chad: What are we talking about here?
Bo: Oh, yeah, so now we're down to five.
Bo: Susie dies horribly.
Bo: As far as deaths in this movie go, it's the
Bo: head kidding blown off, mm.
Bo: Hmm, but that's quick.
Bo: This one's slower because you hear
Bo: screaming for a while and it's pretty
Bo: gruesome, and the guys show up, pop off
Bo: some shots and then they finally just start
Bo: running again because the killbots are just
Bo: firing lasers left and right.
Chad: But they do.
Chad: 80s action hero running gun style.
Chad: Yeah, like it's run, run, run, run and then
Chad: turn around like with one arm and like
Chad: Right.
Bo: Yeah, linda, ferdy and Allison are on the
Bo: second level and they lure one of the
Bo: killbots chasing them into the elevator,
Bo: which the guys end up closing the doors
Bo: using their wiring rig, and then Rick pumps
Bo: the elevator with propane, leaps to the
Bo: second floor and the folks on the top floor
Bo: start shooting, but it's Allison who ends
Bo: up having to like, give me that with one of
Bo: the guns.
Bo: Yeah.
Bo: And shoots the tank, which explodes,
Bo: sending it hurtling the elevator as a whole,
Bo: hurtling down the shaft and, one presumes,
Bo: killing the killbot or at least putting it
Bo: in the garage.
Chad: Right or on a level that doesn't have an
Chad: escalator, can ride up stairs.
Chad: The kryptonite of killbots.
Bo: Everyone looks at Allison.
Bo: She's like my dad's Marine what do you want
Bo: me to say?
Bo: And they're like I don't know, but that
Bo: sounds like another movie I would like to
Bo: see, based on half uttered phrases in this
Bo: movie that allude to something more
Bo: interesting outside the frame.
Chad: The team goes back to the restaurant where
Chad: Allison and the late smoldering Susie were,
Chad: where Susie used to work, and Greg is
Chad: drinking another beer, trying to forget the
Chad: smell of his one true love melting into
Chad: that carpet.
Chad: And then Rick and Linda they're at a table
Chad: contemplating life and Linda says according
Chad: to my calculations, provided we survive the
Chad: night, we're going to be in hack to this
Chad: place for the next 85 years.
Chad: Does Linda think they're going to have to
Chad: pay for all the damage they've done?
Bo: What a dummy Rick says well, we're going to
Bo: have to raise our rates and all of this
Bo: makes no sense.
Bo: Like the mall is on the hook to you.
Chad: Right.
Bo: Like you are the one who is about to get a
Bo: really sweet payday.
Bo: Like, if you can survive the killbots, you
Bo: are never going to work another day in your
Bo: life.
Chad: Greg, who's a little drunk.
Chad: He's like why did you leave the air vents?
Chad: You're safe there.
Chad: And Allison's like whoa, whoa, whoa.
Chad: Gregorino, this was Susie's idea to leave.
Chad: Plus, she kept filling up the air vents
Chad: with her post sex farts.
Chad: She told me that she holds them in when you
Chad: do do it and she lets them out afterwards
Chad: and they're rancid.
Chad: She once told me her sex farts made her
Chad: throw up.
Bo: It smelled like eggs, but not real eggs
Bo: like those egg products that some people
Bo: use.
Bo: That's what it smelled like only rotten.
Chad: I know what they smell like.
Chad: She thought she was hiding under the covers,
Chad: but I can always smell it.
Bo: And also it was her dumb idea to come out
Bo: of the vids of the first place.
Bo: Greg, we would be in the parking lot and
Bo: away from here with the police on the way,
Bo: if it weren't for Susie freaking out dummy
Bo: because of you, greg 30 times in.
Chad: Hey guys, wait a minute.
Chad: The master computer is on the third level.
Chad: If we shut that down, it'll shut down the
Chad: killbots, according to the screenplay.
Chad: And then Greg, he's all licked up and he's
Chad: like a computer.
Chad: Let's go crash the fucker worth pointing
Chad: out.
Bo: They only think there's one killbot left
Bo: because they're not aware that the second
Bo: one has gotten up yet.
Chad: I'm glad you brought that up, because that
Chad: doesn't matter, doesn't?
Chad: It's not like they kill the next one.
Chad: They're like shoot, we're safe.
Chad: And then another one shows up, just two
Chad: more show up, and they're like well, how
Chad: about this?
Chad: They don't know that there are three total,
Chad: maybe there's, maybe there's 25.
Bo: Yeah, well, maybe because, chad, they saw
Bo: the colored lasers, they were like, okay,
Bo: they bought three because that's the three
Bo: package, right, and also I saw Dick Miller
Bo: with a murder boner.
Bo: So it's definitely the three killbot
Bo: package.
Chad: So the four remaining characters?
Chad: Is it four or five?
Chad: What do we have?
Bo: It was Greg Ferdy Allison and then Linda
Bo: and Rick.
Bo: Yeah, it is five, you're right.
Chad: They take off running through the mall and
Chad: the killbots give chase.
Chad: The team goes and hides in a women's
Chad: clothing store that has a metal door that
Chad: comes down like it's some Czech cashing
Chad: place in a questionable neighborhood.
Chad: And then the killbots start using their
Chad: Superman laser beams to cut through the
Chad: metal.
Chad: And then our final characters they're
Chad: inside arguing over whether or not they
Chad: should split up, which they probably
Chad: shouldn't.
Chad: But then they all immediately apologize and
Chad: say you know what, guys, it's been a
Chad: stressful day, with all the drinking and
Chad: exhibition, is sex, and now the killbots.
Chad: Plus, we saw one of our friends set on fire
Chad: and another friend bounced off the ground.
Chad: Oh wait, was Greg still alive?
Chad: No, greg gets knocked off the ledge by a
Chad: killbot and he got off the ground.
Chad: That's right.
Chad: So Greg's gone and he leaves the movie
Chad: pretty quick, as noted by the fact that I
Chad: just forgot that it happened.
Bo: So Kelly gets hit in the arm also by a
Bo: laser before they bring the shuttered out.
Bo: Yeah, you're right.
Chad: Are they wondering where Mike and Leslie
Chad: are at all?
Chad: Are they just assuming that they're dead?
Chad: They saw Leslie's head explode, but they
Chad: don't know where Mike is.
Bo: I guess they assume that Mike died in the
Bo: first place, or maybe they just don't care
Bo: for Mike very much.
Chad: I could see that Mike is a real douchebag.
Bo: Maybe he's alive, maybe he ain't.
Bo: Regardless, not our problem.
Chad: The killbots cut through the door of the
Chad: women's clothing shop and before they fully
Chad: enter, allison says if the killbots want
Chad: target practice, let's give them some
Chad: targets.
Chad: And she nods her head over to some
Chad: mannequins.
Chad: We cut to a bunch of mannequins that have
Chad: been set up as decoys, while the fellas are
Chad: just firing their guns at the killbots as
Chad: cover, and the killbots apparently cannot
Chad: discern between mannequin and man.
Chad: And apparently their laser beams bounce off
Chad: mirrors because one of the blue lasers
Chad: ricochets back and shoots one of the
Chad: killbots, making it go all higgledy
Chad: piggledy.
Chad: And then the killbots start spinning around
Chad: and firing laser beams all over the place.
Chad: And one of these shots hits Linda.
Chad: Down goes Linda Mike is she dead or alive,
Chad: who knows?
Chad: And then Rick's like Linda, my wife and
Chad: business partner, who wears sexy lingerie,
Chad: you bastard.
Chad: And then he jumps on this tiny little
Chad: service cart and goes at like top speed of
Chad: seven miles per hour and crashes into the
Chad: killbot and it explodes.
Chad: So Rick and Linda are now dead.
Bo: But Rick at least died destroying one of
Bo: the killbots, so that's not nothing.
Chad: It's like that scene in Austin Powers when
Chad: he's going to get run over by that slow
Chad: moving cart.
Bo: Now only Nerdy, ferdy and Allison are left.
Bo: Yeah, we're down to the final two.
Bo: And he's like it's time to find that
Bo: computer.
Bo: Let's split up.
Bo: It's Allison's idea to split up because I
Bo: think that she's worried that murder boners
Bo: are contagious, and so they wander around
Bo: and Allison gets spooked by some hardware
Bo: that falls out of the ceiling, and then
Bo: there's a comically full closet of duct
Bo: hoses and scrap metal that she opens up.
Bo: Then, finally, a killbot sneaks up on her
Bo: and she screams.
Bo: And then Ferdy comes running and he shoots
Bo: it in the face and it starts moaning about
Bo: like laser malfunction, my eye got shot,
Bo: I'm going to kill you, bitches.
Bo: And then Ferdy, out of bullets, now throws
Bo: the gun at him like he used to see in those
Bo: classic.
Bo: Superman movies.
Bo: Ferdy throws a fire extinguisher at it too,
Bo: and it catches it just throws it right back
Bo: at him and knocks over Ferdy.
Chad: Ferdy catches it like clunk.
Chad: I'm like, is Ferdy dead by getting knocked
Chad: over by?
Bo: a fire extinguisher, he's out for the count,
Bo: at least for a while.
Chad: Allison sees this and she runs off because
Chad: she's our last girl in the movie.
Bo: She bus into a pet store where she hides
Bo: under some puppy bitch, like one of those
Bo: bitches where you sit to hold puppies and
Bo: kiddies and whatnot that you might buy, and
Bo: the killbot is looking for her.
Bo: But she has pulled like some dog food bags
Bo: in front of her.
Bo: And it's being real sneaky.
Chad: Imagine reading this screenplay like you're
Chad: going to make this.
Chad: Oh yeah, you have backing.
Chad: You have financial backing to make this
Chad: movie.
Bo: Uh huh All right After she's hidden behind
Bo: all these dog food bags, the killbot comes
Bo: in and just starts bumping into aquariums,
Bo: knocking over aquariums filled with like
Bo: spiders and snakes.
Chad: It's real simple and doomed.
Chad: We all saw that movie last year.
Chad: We know how this goes.
Bo: That's exactly what I was going to say.
Bo: It is Kate Capschol.
Chad: Yeah, and of course they're crawling all
Chad: over Allison snakes and spiders and whatnot
Chad: until the shot when she gets out from under
Chad: the shelf, and then they're just fake
Chad: rubber spiders that fall off in hilarious
Chad: fashion Also hilarious in this moment, if
Chad: you ask me, the fact that when she gets out,
Chad: the killbot leaves with this like real kind
Chad: of sound you know cause the vacuum cleaner
Chad: function is turned on.
Chad: Sure, did you notice the name of the pet
Chad: shop?
Chad: I did not.
Chad: It's Rogers little shop of pets.
Chad: Oh sure, I think the hat to Mr Corman and
Chad: his directing of little shop of horrors,
Chad: the old black and white one, that's a good
Chad: movie, it's okay.
Bo: And you know that's also Dick Miller as
Bo: well.
Bo: I think he's in there somewhere, I'm sure.
Bo: And Jack Nicholson?
Bo: That's a bar bet you can win.
Bo: Is Jack Nicholson in little shop of horrors?
Bo: Yes, he is.
Bo: It's not a great movie.
Bo: It's interesting to watch.
Bo: It's a fascinating cinematic tidbit.
Bo: It's not a movie you're going to watch for
Bo: entertainment.
Chad: So Allison runs off and the remaining
Chad: killbot I think there's just one left comes
Chad: after and Allison decides to seek safety by
Chad: hanging herself off of the railing three
Chad: stories high in the air.
Chad: I kind of thought Allison was the smart one.
Chad: This is one of the dumbest things I've ever
Chad: seen in a movie.
Bo: Well, she can't hang on forever, chad, no.
Bo: And it's up slipping and crashing into,
Bo: like this big parasol that's been set up.
Bo: And while she's hobbling on the floor
Bo: crawling away, the killbot is heading
Bo: downstairs like haha, got you now Right.
Bo: And then she finds the flare in her boobs.
Chad: Oh yeah, what's this thing jamming me in
Chad: the chest?
Chad: For my three story fall Right and then she
Chad: just head first.
Bo: Chad goes into this paint store.
Chad: Uh huh.
Bo: The glass just head down, charges it like a
Bo: bull.
Chad: Well, she pulls her shirt over her head so
Chad: that she can protect herself as she uses
Chad: her skull to smash through this thing.
Bo: The hardest part of her body.
Bo: She starts just spreading paint and paint
Bo: thinner and stuff all over the place and
Bo: the killbot follows her in and she has done
Bo: an end around and slips outside and says
Bo: have a nice day, like all the killbot say.
Chad: Right, right.
Bo: And then just tosses the flare inside and
Bo: everything in the world explodes.
Chad: It's like a action hero walk away shot.
Chad: I mean the storefront just blows open and
Chad: so she's limping away.
Bo: And then you just hear, hey, and it's Ferdy,
Bo: he's alive, and he's like hey, nice shot.
Bo: And then they run into each other's arms
Bo: and nice shot.
Chad: She didn't shoot anything.
Chad: She threw a lens flare into the paint store.
Chad: Also, ferdy is holding a full toilet paper
Chad: roll that's soaked in blood.
Chad: I hope it's blood, I hope it's his blood,
Chad: it's something he just found in the toilet
Chad: stall like hmm, yeah, let's take this for a
Chad: little bit later, late night fun.
Chad: But yeah, they see each other, they rush
Chad: and they hug and then fade out the end.
Bo: Yep, there is some pretty good shot.
Bo: The shot of them hugging.
Bo: It's kind of a crane shot inside the mall
Bo: and it's one of the better shots of the
Bo: movie.
Chad: Hunter Buck says that that was from a guy
Chad: holding the camera with his hands while his
Chad: buddy held him off the railing wise legs.
Bo: Probably so.
Bo: We pad out the runtime with some sitcom
Bo: style action shots of the primary cast,
Bo: like turning to camera.
Bo: Hey, you caught me in the locker room again.
Chad: It's like the closing credits of police
Chad: Academy, Like they're all just like turning
Chad: around smiling at the camera.
Bo: What are we doing here?
Bo: They're into the movie, but Chad, all
Bo: things being equal, yes, this movie.
Bo: It comes in under 90 minutes.
Chad: It's the shortest movie we've ever reviewed
Chad: on this podcast Without in credits.
Chad: It is at 72 minutes.
Chad: It goes by in a flash.
Bo: There's a pretty good head explosion.
Bo: Mm-hmm.
Bo: The fire effects are pretty good.
Chad: It's silly, it's dumb, it's free on YouTube
Chad: and at least when I watched it, they left
Chad: in all of the nakedness and all of the
Chad: swearing.
Chad: So get while the getting's good.
Bo: You can watch this on any number of
Bo: streaming services.
Bo: If you want to pay a buck or two for it,
Bo: you can do it that way or just watch it for
Bo: free, like I did.
Bo: It's on Plex and Pluto and all those like
Bo: free streaming apps and stuff like that, so
Bo: you can find a decent copy of this to watch
Bo: just about anywhere and it's a pretty fun
Bo: movie.
Bo: It's not great.
Bo: But it's, it's an okay time and it's a
Bo: great party movie where if you have this on
Bo: in the background and you're having a
Bo: couple of beers with some friends and
Bo: you're hanging out kind of bullshitting and
Bo: you can just perk up like, oh my God, look,
Bo: it's her head just exploded.
Bo: Why are they all fucking in the same room?
Bo: I don't know.
Bo: This is all silly and weird.
Bo: It's got that kind of vibe where it's a fun
Bo: excuse to hang out and goof on a movie a
Bo: little bit and it's short enough that it
Bo: doesn't wear out.
Bo: It's welcome.
Bo: It gets to the killbots in plenty of haste
Bo: so you're not sitting around waiting for
Bo: the movie to get started because there's
Bo: just not enough runtime to dick around.
Bo: I think it's not a great movie by any
Bo: stretch, but kind of a good time for a B80s
Bo: horror techno thriller.
Chad: It is what it is and it ain't nothing more.
Chad: Yeah, I want to say that for the big finale
Chad: of this season, we are doing something but
Chad: we have never done in the history of Pixxx
Chad: movies.
Chad: We are going to review a movie that, at the
Chad: time of its recording, will be in theaters.
Bo: Oh, that sounds difficult.
Chad: Well, it's also going to premiere on a
Chad: streaming service.
Chad: We don't have to go see it in a theater.
Chad: Oh, that's much easier.
Chad: Right, I am speaking of the video game
Chad: turned cinematic event five nights at
Chad: Freddy's, a movie inspired by the popular
Chad: pizza chain entertainment franchises of the
Chad: 1980s, including Chuck E Cheese and show
Chad: biz pizza.
Bo: I like at least two of those things.
Chad: Have you played five nights at Freddy's?
Bo: A little bit.
Bo: I played the first game a little bit, yes.
Chad: I watched a full YouTube explanation of the
Chad: five nights at Freddy's canon with my son
Chad: and you talk about fanfiction.
Chad: That is just off the charts.
Chad: It's totally bonkers.
Chad: I don't know how much the movie is going to
Chad: get into that or what else, but my son and
Chad: people of his age like young teenagers.
Chad: I think this movie which no shockers.
Chad: Coming from Bloom House, I think there's
Chad: only three companies that make movies
Chad: anymore.
Chad: It's like Bloom House, disney and Paramount
Chad: and a 24.
Chad: That's it.
Chad: Those are the people making movies anymore.
Chad: Right now in Bloom House got their hooks
Chad: into this one and they're making a movie
Chad: and people are excited.
Bo: I'm mildly interested to see what they make
Bo: of this Again.
Bo: I didn't watch your fancy lore video, but I
Bo: know what I've seen of five nights at
Bo: Freddy's and it seems a little thin in the
Bo: way of story.
Bo: Oh, there's a lot going on.
Bo: Oh, is there really?
Chad: There's a whole backstory.
Chad: There's a feud between two different
Chad: pizzerias and kids start getting killed by
Chad: robots.
Chad: It's a real something as far as I kind of
Chad: try to remember.
Bo: Should I watch this Should?
Chad: I bone up on the no, no, no, no.
Bo: All right, look, I'll get it fresh.
Bo: In the words of one of our great newsmen
Bo: Fuck it, I'll do it live, and I'm excited
Bo: to watch this premiere just before
Bo: Halloween and I'm sure it'll be great, I'm
Bo: sure it'll be one of the best horror movies
Bo: I've ever seen.
Chad: It will be the second Bloom House movie
Chad: that we review this season and, to really
Chad: get you excited, it also has a PG-13 rating.
Chad: Oh yeah, so none of the blood none of the
Chad: good stuff is going to be in it.
Bo: Oh boy, that doesn't sound great.
Chad: No, it doesn't Not at all All right.
Chad: So anyway, as always, like great review,
Chad: you can reach out to us at PixSixMovies at gmail.com
Chad: gmailcom and we're here in there, or
Chad: whatever else.
Chad: Bo any final thoughts you have on shopping
Chad: mall AKA Killbots of the movie?
Chad: Get me out of this vent.
Chad: Yeah, I'll get you out of the vent.
Chad: Let me ask you a question.
Chad: You know I'm milkable.
Chad: He's like right escalated.
Chad: Well, she liked it right.
Chad: We're going.
Chad: Sweet cheeks.
Chad: Come back here.