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Cinema PSYOPS is a weekly film review podcast where we experiment on an impressionable mind to find out why physical wounds heal, but Cinematic ones don't.
There is very little time or point in an explanation. To be blunt,
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10 years.
Man 10.
10 years.
10 years Man
10 years.
10 years.
10. 10 years.
10 years.
What is the most likely way humanity will be wiped out? Maybe it's something from
or us. Although the way the world ends might be because
of you. And if this is the case, you wouldn't have any control
over it. The global temperature rise underscores a chilling
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seem to be listening. A recent study has suggested that one third of annual
deaths due to heat are directly related to global warming.
On top of the initial flash of thermonuclear light,
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effect of the wind, all the buildings coming down, and more fires
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or more square miles.
Timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing
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Cinema Psyops. A breathtaking scientific revolution
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able to devastate humanity. It's man returning
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Whether it's a dream or some advanced computer game you are playing right
now, when it ends, you would be what causes the end of the world.
Please do us all a favor. Continue dreaming or playing this game of
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years. 10 years.
Hello and welcome
to the 482nd
consecutive week of Cinema Psyops. I'm your host,
Cort, the guy that is really stoked to talk about the pic
from my co host Matt this week. Yeah. Idle Hands.
I kind of wish I could have done this movie. Yeah.
So a little, kind of behind the scenes,
there was a little event that would happen at Matt's
home and I was over there to be part of the celebration,
which is a very rare thing. And we were talking
and chit chatting and everything like that. And you actually brought up, why didn't I
choose Blazing Saddles for myself and why did I pick Idle Hands?
And I was like, horror comedy. And you were nervous that I wasn't gonna
take care of Idle Hands. Well, no. How about this? I was never nervous.
You weren't gonna take care of it. I was more nervous because I didn't think
you liked it. Yeah. If that were the case,
then over these two, I probably would have picked Blazing Saddles. But my thing was
like, I'm not dealing with all that racism in my notes. I don't want that.
I was like, that's why I let. All the clips do the talking. It's like,
I'd much rather fucking just do Idle Hands. That's my. The reason I
made the choice. And yes. And by the way, the event at my house was.
Everyone wants to know. I know this part. I'll let up my. Just to let
everyone know how old I'm getting. My son turned 21 years old.
So that was his 21st birthday party that he was at for all of
five minutes. It was nice. Yeah. He talked
with people. That was nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The real party for him was
hanging out with his friends. It wasn't anything to do with the people that showed
up. We really just had people over just to hang out with us.
But also it was because they wanted to at least say happy Birthday. That's why
I was there. Yeah. Yes. That explains to everyone why I was
actually there. I was there for his son's birthday.
That's about it. But I understand your apprehension
thinking that I didn't like this movie because it's more comedy than
horror. But I have always viewed it as that. This is a comedy
movie with horror elements in it. This is not a horror comedy.
No, this is not a horror movie. This is. Yes, it's a comedy
that has a few elements of horror in it. Yes.
And it is parodying a lot of different types of horror films,
100%. And while this came
out and I wasn't really as big on it as other people may have been,
just because it is primarily a comedy with some horror elements in
it, doesn't mean that I dislike it. You know, this is. This is like a
more of a so I Married an Axe murderer kind of a film where.
Again, exactly. Comedy with. It's a little gory. It's gorier.
It has fun with the gore. Right. And as far as
it being gory is really a low level of gore for
someone of my. Yeah, not to you, but to anybody maybe,
who just thinks they're gonna watch a comedy that has a little bit of horror
in it. It is gory to them, but it's played for laughs.
The gore is there. It's splat stick is what you're getting at,
which is Sam Raimi. And as a matter of fact, this is
primarily a knockoff of Sam Raimi jokes turned into
a comedy. Like, that's the only negative thing that I would say about it is
like, it borrows very heavily from Evil Dead style. Come.
Or its hilarity. Particularly the comedy in Evil Dead 2
with all the possessed handshit. Yes, that's true.
And I'd almost put it almost kind of like a
Shaun of the Dead. Maybe Shaun of the Dead's little more horror than comedy,
but it's kind of like that. Yeah, yeah. It has that feel to it as
well. As far as various other films that try to mix horror and
comedy together, this is far more superior and far better
at what it does for mixing the comedy horror elements than
some contemporary films that try to do something similar in this timeframe.
Agreed. So I'm just. Have we covered
that enough now? Yes, I'm just. What I'm getting at is there's plenty of
things to like about that. So once we start covering it and I
start savaging things, just know that I do actually enjoy the film.
There you go. All right, so on the pirate radio edit
up first, we're going to have featured in the soundtrack to Idle
the Vandals with My Girlfriend's Dead immediately following this.
This will keep you quiet. Oh, you have reached the voicemail
box of Matt.
About a real prank. I just wanted to call. Leave your
voicemail, man, and let you know you're going to do a gun bastard. And if
I see him, I'm going to shake it right in a nutshack. If there's cort
do, we're just going. To do a podcast with Tony and we'll
skip to the future without you hand in hand
with. Come on, Tony, stay away from Channel
H. I just want to call,
apologize. I know I can do the
same now.
Hi, man. This is Counselor Dan. Oh. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I was thinking such
crash course for
me last night. Who was? Even Tony. I don't know what the hell I'm talking
about. Being so confusing. Intended in the world.
Everything has gone so well. I'm apologizing.
I don't want to blame him, but he.
I got to admit, the Vandals is one of my favorite punk bands. I love
their wicked, twisted sense of humor. Particularly this song,
My Girlfriend's Day. Yeah, it is good.
And it's. I don't even. I don't even know it. I'm like, yeah, all right,
this is decent. This is fucking funny. Yeah.
And it is actually quite, quite apt for the film Idle Hands.
It's that same style of humor. So let's get into the actual film. This is
broken into thirds. So the first third of Idle Hands. The film
opens on a typical 90s teen scream credit
sequence set to an industrial score as it finally starts moving
in on a house in a Steadicam John Carpenter style,
while something finds its way inside of the house and then finds its way towards
its inhabitants in our first clip. Did you blow the candles out
downstairs? Uh,
yeah. Look at this. A Thanksgiving
cornucopia made out of pie plates and spackle. What the heck is a
cornucopia? It's like a horn of plenty. Oh, dear.
Can it wait? We just finished decorating for Halloween.
You? Well, no.
Good luck. Just a
prank, that's all. Anton. Anton. A little
scooter would never do something like that. We're calling
him that baby name. Anton would not. Not scooters behind off the couch if the
house was on fire. God knows he didn't help me with the Halloween decorations.
Did you? I heard something downstairs. The dog's out in the yard.
It's probably just a cat. The mom
screams because the words I am under the bed were written on their ceiling
during that clip. And then at the end of the clip, Fred Willard scoots
his ass out of the room and the camera stays with the mom as she
is the victim of a cheesy cat scare and then decides to
calm her nerves by knitting with some really big fucking
needles. I mean, that kind of happens where she starts knitting, the cat scares her,
and then she continues knitting. But really, do we really need to write that
down? I could have just said it like I just did there. Yeah,
might just. Did we just get to your inner. Monologue a little bit?
Yeah. Good job. We hear her husband get murdered
as she takes the cat with her to check on what happened? She first
checks on her son's whereabouts and then back downstairs to check on what happened
with her husband. She finds that the candles are still burning and blows them
out. Then slips on the floor, grabs a flashlight, notices she
is covered in blood and screams. She runs back upstairs.
While looking to warn her son and save him. She's screaming his
name at the top of her lungs as she tries to then make a call
for the police. The phone is snatched out of her hand to the floor and
then when she reaches for it, she is dragged under the bed while squishy
noises are made and blood flies everywhere. Some folks would consider that
gory. I would just say a little blood flies everywhere.
Well, still then he grabbed the cat too.
The film cuts from this to Anton, the laziest slacker
of all time, being woken up by the hungry cat and not noticing anything
wrong in his house. Being a completely selfish little shit that he
is, he makes himself some food and sits his ass down in front of the
tv. After firing up an insane amount of incense sticks
to scratch his nuts and then his neck with a back scratcher, he then fires
up the TV and he attempts to fire up a bull. In our
second murder in Bolin, a special report.
Four bodies have been discovered to date and the killer is still at.
Bolin has been gripped with fear as the killings have spread from a local postal
route to the bowling alley and now to our own Burger Jungle.
With Halloween only one day away, Bolin officials have
set a 9pm curfew for all teenagers.
Where's your key test and alert eyes? We'll find that
girl.
Yeah. Hey, what's up, man? What's up with you? I'm dry. So?
So why don't you bring me over a dimer? This ain't Domino's, you lazy bitch.
Come over here and get it. Come on, man. I'm comfortable. Comfortable.
Hello.
Sup, Anton?
Nice outfit.
Yeah, if your mom had teeth, she wouldn't suck dick so well.
What's your point? Sup, Anton?
How's it going, brother? Nice boxers.
Massachronic. Oh, I'm sorry, man. This bong's cash,
so I came all the way over here. You said you was holding. I didn't
say what I was holding.
That's messed up, man. I hear if you combine nutmeg and
oregano, you can get pretty wasted. Anton, all you do is smoke pot and watch
TV all day. Don't get me wrong. That's what life is all about. But don't
you think you should have some ambition Like a goal. I mean, my dream life
would be to lie around all day in bed and watch TV while some
hot bride delivers me food and shit. Yeah, until your parents kick your oily ass
out. I haven't seen my parents in a couple days.
Maybe they're dead. Party at Anton's. What are you doing? I'm just saying, with the
killer on the loose, you can't rule out murder. What killer? Don't you watch the
news? I hate that fucking show. Oh, man, our little town is in
the national spotlight. Local mailman, iced. Barmaid at the bowling alley,
iced. And don't tell me you haven't heard about the Feldstein twin. What? They got
caught jerking off in the milkshake maker again? Iced times, too. Last night
when they were working the drive thru at the Burger Jungle. Damn,
Anton, here comes your woman.
He's got serious problems.
Molly's lived across the street from you for, like, what ever.
Why don't you go tell her about your disturbing obsession with her? You could start
by telling her your name. Yeah, man, she's waiting for you. No, and she's not
waiting for me. Would you stop being such a puss and go, like, ask her
the day? Well, if you've been to school in the last six months, you'd know
about it. Halloween thing in the gym, 9:00, curfew. No trick or treating allowed,
dumbass. Dance is the only option. You guys going? Hell no. Can you
see us dressing up in some stupid ass costumes? Grooving to Hansen and
Jewel? What do we look like? Total losers, man?
See your point. Oh, man, she dropped her
lyrics book. Hey, she's gonna catch you reading that shit over her shoulder in biology
class. Her songs are badass, man. She's like a powder, son. Go bring
it back to her. Be like a knight in shining armor. All.
Yeah, she'd be all grateful. She'd invite me in, she'd offer me a drink.
I'd accept that. She'd rip your clothes off and make. Sweet love
to you Red shoe, Diary style.
All right? Could happen. Just go talk to her,
man. Maybe she'll think you're funny or something,
you know? What, you think I'm going to.
Hey, you want to borrow some pants, chief? For first impressions
and all? Your bud think
he's gonna do it? No. So you
gotta reach.
Dude, you're getting cheesy poops everywhere, bro. You gotta open your mouth,
man. Ooh, looky what I
found. I thought you were dry. I guess not.
Fire me up.
There is a shit ton of visual jokes that you miss out on in that
clip that you just have to be able to see them to get the jokes.
One of them is like, right after he says, what do you think? We're like,
do we look like losers or something? He scratches his balls and then sniffs
his fingers. And I forget what the other guy does. The other guy's just kind
of sitting there staring blankly into the world. Right. And then that's just basically
like, you know, are we going to look like a couple of losers? And then
they immediately do, like. It's that kind of visual gags that they throw into this.
And Seth Green and the other kid are really good at doing those things.
They're like, the whole way through the movie. And they are the highlight of
this film. Like, for sure. Yeah. They're the thing that make you want to watch
this movie. Yes, they. They are.
They're definitely going to be the two who are going to make you laugh the
most. And for me, especially, the biggest reason, but why I
wanted to watch this movie, why I love this movie. When I was younger,
in my early 20s when I first saw it. That and Jessica Alba.
Well, yeah, of course, Jessica Alba. One of the visual gags
includes them hitting a tit bowl or bong of some sort to
smoke the weed that he finds, which is a ridiculous amount. He finds like a
quarter or more that he just happened to forget he had.
Like, right after the friend leaves. Like, clearly they are just lying
because they didn't want to sell his lazy ass any more weed. Yeah. Or I
don't even think it would have been selling. I think they would have been expected
to give him. And his. Anton's bowl
is his inhaler. Yes, we do see that. Which is really
fucking funny that he was able to hide a bowl as an inhaler. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. And then as
we were mentioning, they were hiding the stash from Anton. So they go ahead and
smoke that bowl at the very end of that clip, and they cut from that
scene to the lyric book on the ground. When Anton picks it up,
he gives it a sniff, which is really fucking creepy
nowadays to see. And then he flips through it, feeling that
whole creep vibe even more that he really has right now. He then
brings her back her book and is shocked as she is leaving
and bumps into him as he goes to knock on the door or up towards
the door or muster the courage or. Or what have you. He basically just
throws the book at her and runs off like a fucking coward. And then the
film Cuts from that to some jail in Beaver,
Utah, in our third clip. And you're quite certain that this is the right
man? Well, I'll tell you,
Sister Liquor, that's L cure. Debbie's fine.
All right. Sister Debbie. He's right here.
It's gone. Sit.
Missed it again. Where did it
go?
Beaver.
Bowman.
Wait a minute. Wait. Wait a minute.
Holy.
Don't move. Roll over.
Roll over.
Anton. Tobias. You got a reason for prowling around this neighborhood?
Yeah, I live here. Since when is it against a lot of grocery shop?
Hey, I know you guys. Yeah, you guys were seniors when I was
a freshman. Yeah, let's talk about high school. Anton.
Yeah, you and all your stoner friends zipping around on your skateboards.
Thought you were too cool for us, huh? Did you ever even once invite
us to get high behind the gym? You were dorks
either. You guys holding? What? Look, I'm desperate. I mean,
I know you guys didn't get in the evidence room, so I was thinking,
you asshole, you're trying to score from a cop. That's it.
Complete personal effects search. Yeah.
What the hell is this? Stupid. That's an asthma inhaler. Don't you know anything?
Empty your pockets, boy. Hey, nice try, but they're not even my pants. Let's go.
All right. George found a new home.
Ah. What we here,
Officer? Smells like marijuana
to me. Write it up, Ruck. What? It's empty.
Hey, I know my rights. You can't cite me for possession of a baggy.
Littering. Maximum fine.
$200.
All right. It's a bold choice to have
such screen accurate police officers that are
so accurate to who they would be in real life in the middle of this
fantastical comedy. That's so far. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they. They're really.
They're playing it, man. I mean. I mean, the pathetic person
that didn't get what they wanted in life, abusing their power
later whenever they're given some authority over another, that just
is just too accurate. It's too realistic. It's too believable.
It's how it is. And no matter how ridiculous they try to
portray it here in this film, it just feels even more believable.
Which is sad and pathetic. Yeah, it really is. But while it
is sad and pathetic, it's real.
So during the clip, you actually hear the nun connects the murder sites and to
find a pentagram as she takes off. And. And a very unique Airstream rv,
which I was really loving most. Airstreams are
the type that get towed behind another Vehicle. It's a very rare
one that they actually can drive themselves as a full fledged RV and still
be the shape of an Airstream. So this thing was really cool and I need
to know more about it because it's just very strange.
I must know more. They cut from this
to the pigs harassing Anton, to Anton watching
music videos and rolling up his littering citation.
Using oregano and nutmeg mixed together,
which. Don't fucking do this. It doesn't actually get you high. No,
it will make you gross. Yes. He thinks he hears something and mutes the tv
and then he mutes his dog by grabbing its snout. Then goes right
into smoking the nutmeg and oregano, coughing and nearly vomiting as
he tries to clean out his mouth with dish soap and water. Also,
don't fucking do this. Yeah, no, that's also gross and will
get you sick and you will die. He makes a sandwich with bologna
and mayo, not noticing there is blood all over the knife that he is trying
to use until it is too late. And he takes a bite out of the
sandwich and. And gets a bloody taste mixed in with that. He notices the
cat playing with a dismembered eyeball and hides behind the dog. On his
way up the stairs to check on the strange noises within the house. He runs
upstairs to hide under the blankets with the dog in what looks like his parents
bedroom. Turns out that that is exactly where it is. As the alarm freaks
him out and he sees the under the bed message and runs
down the steps smack dab into the scarecrow decorations.
They all fall down together to the ground, revealing that it is in fact his
parents corpses hiding in the American gothic scarecrow kind of thing they made.
He screams, then realizes it's them. So he runs out of the house
to vomit before his friends run smack dab into him. And that
is the start of our. What's the
matter, chief? Bad shrooms? You got a fever?
I'm gonna show you. All right.
Whoa. Oh man. Yeah.
I love this video. I didn't think they could show it anymore. Yeah.
Damn.
Hey, D. Someone killed my parents. Who's the best part,
dude?
Oh, yeah. Shake him, baby.
Hey, hey, look.
Hey. You see? Huh?
Mr. Guys. Ms. T.
Is this like some kind of Halloween gag or something? I mean,
your parents always go all out.
What the fuck are you doing, man? That's my dad. Come on, cpr,
man. I saw it on Baywatch.
Hey, check it out.
A clue.
Ant. They were killed by ants? Please don't be stupid.
Do you have like an evil Ant.
Holy shit.
Are those ears? Earrings.
They're both left. You know what
that means, Al? Twins.
The killer was wearing your shirt.
The killer was wearing me.
I'm the killer. I'm going to call 911.
What's the number?
Hi. Yeah, there's something wrong with my friend. I think he took some nutmeg
or something. Yeah.
Beck. Yeah, buddy. I would remember
something like that, you know? Yeah. I'm not the killer.
Okay. You know. Yeah, I know. But, I mean, if O.J. could get
off, then I'm sure. Do you want
your beer? Oh, thanks. You sure?
Whoa,
Mick.
Mick. Mick. Hey,
Mick. Mick, talk to me,
man. I didn't do it.
Okay, okay, I did it. All right? But it was an accident.
I can't believe you told me to smoke that.
Okay, Anton, I have to leave now.
Yeah, that's probably a good idea.
The hand goes full massacre mode on the other friend as his dumbass
runs down to the basement. They discuss how Anton's hand is acting on
its own. And the friend darts up the stairs. Stairs. Just as
the possessed hand tosses a saw blade like a murder Frisbee and
beheads the stoner friend whose head and body fall backward
down the stairs. The final word to pass his severed head's
lips is cool. As he finally dies. That is the
end of the first third of the film. Yep.
Jesus. That's the end of the first third of the film. That's our break.
Oh, yeah. Yes. All right. I mean, wow. That's.
That was a cool ass scene. I love the beer. No, thanks,
Claire. I. I think he got bad nutmeg.
Love that. Yeah. My friend, I think he smoked some nut or
he took some nutmeg. Yeah. He just said, yeah, there's something wrong
with him. Classic. It already makes me laugh.
Funny. So I. I'm in love with this movie. It's just hilarious.
So I. I have no notes right now. Just great
stuff. I do love the. Come on, man. I'm comfortable.
Yeah. This takes the 90s slacker
as hero and turns it into a really nice parody for
it to be turn horror. Because as far as even slacker standards
go, Anton is a bit much like. They even set that up to
where his friends. Who are these two guys that are like. I guess they're
brothers or at least they are constantly living together anyway. And they're.
They're just. They're just best friends because you see in the very beginning goes.
And if your mom had teeth, she wouldn't dick so. Well. What's your
point? Okay. They're always hanging out
together. And they are very clearly the typical 90s slackers.
And even they are like, anton, you are fucking lazy.
Right? Like, he. He only had to walk across the street
to go see if they had weed and he was going to try and mooch
off of them. He's clearly been mooching off of them for a while and
they like him, so they let him mooch off of them. Right?
For them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah. But even they think
he's too lazy, right? Like, he never goes to school even,
Right. They basically made it sound like he hasn't been to school in
months and his parents haven't done anything about it and have just basically
let him be. Like, he is such a lost cause.
His own father is just like, we need to get him out of the house,
not just off the couch. Yeah. And he hasn't even, like,
failed out of high school yet. And his own father, like, how fucking worthless
do you have to be to make Fred Willard talk shit about you? Right?
Yeah, right. It's Fred fucking Willard, and it's weird to see Fred Willard
dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. But, like, if Fred Willard
is talking shit about how fucking worthless you are, you are fucking worthless.
Because he always plays characters that love everybody.
Yeah. He's the nicest dude almost all the time. Right? And he's even that
in this. Like, you can tell. Like, he loves his wife so much he's willing
to do all this bullshit decorating because it makes her happy.
And yet his own son is a worthless piece of.
And he can't contain his rage for his own son for 10 minutes.
And talking about him, I mean, if. Your son's that lazy,
you know what? You could tell the mom probably babied him forever.
So he got away with everything. And the dad just probably didn't care enough to
step in until now. It's too late. Right? He always wanted to make the wife
happy because happy wife, happy life. Right. So he just let her be the out
of him. And now it's too late and he's regretting his choices.
And then it's really too late because they become Halloween decorations for
the first third of the film. Yeah, Right. Although they really
do up it for the Halloween decorations. It's real nice. And it really
does add to the movie that it's Halloween as well. Adds to the spooky
why it's a great Halloween movie to watch. Yeah. I would have watched it
during Halloween even if it weren't for this. So. Yeah, I definitely agree with you
there? All right, why don't we move on to the next third, Right? Hell's yeah.
All right. So the middle third of the film starts. Starts with Anton is traumatized
by what his hand has just done, returning to the comfort of his
couch and trying to figure out what is going on. The evil hand wants
to watch horror and Anton is trying to watch just regular cartoons.
There is a classic struggling with his evil hand in an attempt to control
the remote fight that's going back and forth. When it seems Anton wins
the battle. The evil hand grabs the cat by the tail and spins it around
several times to toss it out the window in a humorously
low long distance that it tosses it. This shocks and
angers Anton who immediately runs to check on the cat. The eager to kill
evil hand immediately rings the bell annoyingly at Jessica Alba's
house until she answers the door in sexy pajamas. And that
is our next clip. Aren't you a little old for ding dong
ditch? Sorry about your bush problem.
What were you doing out there anyway? The thing.
Jesus, look at you.
Yeah, I was looking for my cat.
We got in a fight. You sure got your ass kicked.
I did okay. So you ran
and hid in my bus.
Molly, I shouldn't be here. I'm not
myself today. In fact, I'm someone completely
different. You're so shy. It's okay. I get it. So why don't
we just skip this chickening out, sneaking around stage? No, you don't
understand. I'm Dean.
Look, do you want to come inside for a second and talk? Me? Yeah,
me. Okay.
You never gave me a chance to thank you earlier. That book is really important
to me. So nothing
cooler than a chick based guitar player. Especially one that writes her own lyrics.
I mean, you read them? Uh, I couldn't
help looking in the book. Amazing. You know, look, I even got my favorites memorized.
Devil girl with nothing to lose. She got wind in her hair
and gum on her shoes. Huh.
I was like 13 when I wrote that. Oh, wow. You're amazing.
Thanks.
I should not be here. Molly. Safer in here than on
the streets. Don't you know there's a killer out there?
That's what I'm saying. That's exactly what I'm saying. I'm dangerous.
Oh yeah? How dangerous?
I'm a kid. I've done stuff, you know.
I'm impressed. I never would have thought
you'd have the balls to just grab me like that.
The clip ends with them getting it on and the possessed hand is getting
super rough with her so he ties it up, she says he is kinky.
And they continue to fool around. So the film cuts from that to Vivica Fox
on her way to kick the shit out of the evil in our
sixth clip. Move it,
people. Let's go. Some of us are on serious missions
here. There's evil out there. And I got kick it's
ass.
Shit. My parents are home. Well, I have to pick this up
later, baby Snakes. Because my parents might take offense to some dirty, bloody boy
thing in their dock. Tomorrow. Yeah. You want to see me again?
Come by around seven. The curfew's annihilated most
of our options, but maybe we can swing by the dance. Yeah.
I thought she said the streets weren't safe.
I'll protect you. Dearly beloved,
we're gathered here today because you're all dead. And it's
my fault. Mom?
Dad. What can I say? I mean, you brought me into this
world. You put a roof over my head. You fed me until I killed
you. So I guess if you look at it that way, I. I haven't been
a good son. But I'm really, really, really sorry.
And wherever you are, I just want you to forgive me. Because I'm
gonna try to change.
Mick. Guys. You guys
were the greatest. I mean, I'm never gonna forget the way we sat around
all day, watched TV and got really stoned. And all
those other times where we just. I guess that's all we
did. Amen.
Over here. Anton, help me. Come on,
man. I can't breathe down here.
Anton. Anton,
can you hear me? Mick? Yeah, man, Mickey. Now get
me out of here. You're dead. No, I'm not.
You cocked me on the head pretty good. I must have been unconscious. Tank.
I know, fucker. Now dig me up.
Stay where you are. Vic. Nick.
Please don't kill me.
Hey, watch it, man.
What'd I take last night? That dream was intense.
Intense.
Dude, check it out. Yeah, I'm watching.
See, guys, that's fine. Thank God. You. Because I just.
I had this crazy dream that I, like, kill.
Hey.
Oh,
hey. Sorry about that thing with the shovel. You're dead.
Easy, tiger. Undead, actually.
You said you were just unconscious. You lied to me. Hey, you killed me,
all right? Try and keep this thing in pursuit. Yeah, I was a little bitter
about the whole getting killed by my best friend thing. But I've had time to
get over it. So why are you here? We need a
place to kick it. Don't be selfish, Anton. No one else's parents are dead.
No, no, no. No, not why. Why are you here? Here? I mean, what are
you? You guys like flesh eating zombies back from hell, Ready to exact revenge?
Is that it? Why would we go to hell? Duh, we're not bad. It's not
like we're good or anything, but. At least you don't go around killing people.
Yeah, I didn't kill anybody on purpose. Okay? Okay. Yeah, well,
we weren't in hell. I mean, there was this big bright white light at the
end of a long tunnel, right? And there were all these chicks, voices and
that music. Music? Yeah, kind of uncool music. Like Enya and
these chicks, voices, they were saying, come to us. Come towards the line.
Woo. So what happened? I figured,
fuck it, I mean, it was really far.
Go.
Anton, I've gotta ask. What's with the hand?
It doesn't obey me at all. It's the only thing I can come up with
is it's gotta be possessed. Do you
guys know anything about Satan or evil or.
No. But we know somebody who does.
Did you know them well? Not really.
You? Yeah, they were great.
I just feel really bad, you know. Cause I
was always so mean to them. Like this one time
they asked me to go out on a double date. And I
thought they were. Cause there's only one to meet, right?
So I told them to go blow each other.
Wow. Did they?
Oh, the way you treated them, the guilt must be making you feel like shit
inside, right? Ready?
You still in high school? Yeah, me, I got out about three years
ago. Frank, I need your help.
What, are you playing a little two ball there, bud?
Look, I gotta talk to you. This is some serious stuff going on.
Hey, Anton, can't you see him getting a little action over here?
Oh man, I can't believe you cock blocked
me like that. I thought we were buds. Randy,
wait. I didn't mean to mess you up. Randy, this.
I need your help. Hey,
Randy.
Hey, who are you? Noob, drive through
duty. Excuse me.
Sorry. Break time. All right. Yeah,
yeah. Give me the big five with the Spicy Safari fries, the African
Apple turnover and the Raspberry Rainforest Shake.
Slap some extra mustard on that Jungle Burger for me, will you? Tell me everything
you know about the devil. Anton,
are you out of your mind?
He doesn't have satanic music all the time. You must have picked up something on
the guy. Look, it's just music.
Like Mozart and that other.
Let's keep it clean. Who, Beethoven?
Yeah, yeah, that's the guy. Look, it's just like their music. Only you
gotta know something. I'm desperate. Oh, man.
Here.
It's my hand, okay? It's, it's. It's. It's like it's got a mind of its
own. It makes me do things I don't want it to do. Oh, yeah,
man. I used to be like that. Get into all kinds
of stupid. Look, the trick is to keep yourself
busy. That's why I'm always working on the Ford.
Keeps me out of trouble. Idle hands are
the devil's playground. Keep my hands busy.
Yeah, that actually makes sense. Thanks, Randy. You're the coolest.
They cut from this to Anton knitting and watching a Rob Zombie video with his
undead homies in our seventh clip. What are you, like knit
now? Don't take this the wrong way, Antonio, but you look really queer doing
that. Randy broke it down for me.
Idle hands are the devil's playpen. So I'm thinking, you know,
keep my hands occupied, right? Oh, man, that saying's
not literal. It's more like,
you know, metaphorical. Right.
This is the noise complaint. Hey, ain't this
the Tobias residence? Holy shit. It's Anton.
He's the killer. I better call for backup. You crazy? And let
the vets get the credit? Think about it. If we color them ourselves,
we'll be heroes. Yeah, but we can't go in there without a warrant. Missing the
Bill of Rights. We got just cause.
Freeze. Yeah, freeze.
Guys. Guys. What do I do?
I think I
was gonna say I think you should do what the officers tell you, but now
I changed my mind. Yeah, man, you should just kill them.
They're alive. They are not. You just shot one through the head. They're morgue
meats. Look, guys, I don't want to kill
anybody. Out. Hey, you don't want to go to jail though.
Jail. That's it. That's exactly it.
They'll throw me in one of those rubber rooms. I won't be able to hurt
anybody else. Cuff me.
Okay, Just drop the
knitting needles. That's probably not a good idea. Why don't
you just cuff me? Okay, Drop the knitting needles and put your hands
on your head now. I can't. Okay, put down the knitting needles,
Anton, and come quietly. Cuff me. Put the knitting needles down now.
Just cuff me. Put them down. Cuff me. Put them down. Cuff me.
Put them down. Cuff me. Put em down. Cuff me. Put em down. Cuff me.
Cuff me.
Go. Go. Buffalo.
Stop. I didn't do it, okay? It was
my hand again. It's like didn't help at all.
Well, yeah, man. I told you that saying was more like metaphorical.
I can't keep doing this.
Those are my mind. Get your
head. I think we should probably state
that this whole movie, Idle Hands being the Devil's Play thing that it's based on,
it was a metaphor for people masturbating if they get too bored.
Yeah, and a slacker spends their whole day masturbating and bored.
Because that. That's the dream of being a slacker, right?
I don't know. I don't know about being bored if you're masturbating. That sounds
like it. Right. Well, like the parts where you have to take a break to
catch your breath and then replenish your fluids before you can go again.
That's where you. Yeah, true,
true. All right. That I get. Yes. The end of the clip starts
a sequence of Anton trying to cut off his hand after it heroically
murdered two police officers. Yes. I put those heroically.
I just love that. That's good shit. Good job. It saves Anton and they
shot his friend for no reason. Come on. Yeah. No, that's true. You're right.
You're right. How dare those cops. Dirty fucking bad pigs.
Anton tries to cut off his hand after it heroically killed two policemen.
The undead slackers get up to help. And that is our eighth clip.
No way. Whoa. It's the only thing I can think of.
Well, wait. Once that hand is gone, how are you gonna cut off the other
one? Oh, the left one's a keeper. I mean, I. I guess it
wasn't idle enough. Are you sure?
Yeah. I mean, I use it for a lot of things. You know, I.
I light up, I change the remote, I relieve a
little tension. This is the answer. I know
it. Those things won't even cut my bagel.
Shit.
Nick, grab the electric carver.
Oh, look at me. Look at me. I'm Leatherface.
Thanks, Mick.
I'll just use this one.
I can't watch.
You missed. Stop.
Bite down. Don't cut me,
man.
He screamed like a girl.
What the hell you doing?
I gotta stop the blood flow. Don't you ever watch er?
Look at that nasty thing. That's gonna be infected for sure.
You got any antiseptic, Anton? I don't know.
Well, Pinup's got some in a first aid kit in his house.
Ooh, and burritos. He'll be okay, buddy. We'll be back
in a sec to fix you up. Anton.
Catch on the flip flop.
This was all Evil Dead 2 stuff. The severing of the hand and all of
the jokes that follow after it is Very much Evil Dead 2 stuff. Including the
way that he's making noises whenever they're cauterizing the stump. Exactly.
Yeah. Of course, the undead friends leave and then
when he goes to try to locate his severed hand,
he notices that that limb is now missing and there
is only a note left behind in its blood stating,
bad move, ant Anton where it used to be. This starts
a sequence of Anton looking for the severed hand when Jessica Alba's
character arrives in what is less clothing than
what is worn in a Victoria's Secret ad at the time.
And also, thank you movie for that. Yeah, I was gonna say let's. I don't
know. I'm not gonna complain. She is supposed to be an angel, I guess,
but it's basically just a bustier type of lingerie with
like the flowing gown, nightgown, negligee thing.
And you see later, her best friend who she meets at the dances, dresses like
a devil, right? And she's wearing some ch. Cheap ass angel wings and then somewhat
of a halo with that as an excuse, but it's basically just a
lingerie dress thing that she's wearing. Yes, again, not complaining,
just stating that's how she's dressed. But yeah, no one's complaining. We're just stating
things. We're stating facts. These are truth facts. Anton wrestles
with the severed hand and tries to kill it by tossing it into his microwave
and overcooking it while he tries to calm Alba and tries to buy
some time. She is cross because she does not want to miss the
band at the dance. And he is watching with glee as the
hand burns and distorts inside of the microwave. She decides to come inside, so he
darts to the door to greet her. There is dialogue. I don't want to write
anymore. So that's our ninth clip. Wow. You look incredible.
Thanks. But you should have called. If you needed more time with your costume,
fine, but I hate waiting. So what are you supposed to be anyway?
I'm a fast food employee that cut
off his own hand. Cute.
Hey, Anton. Anton.
Anton. We're back. Anton. We got antiseptic
and adhesive bandages. The ouch free kind.
Anton. Microwave for three minutes
and enjoy. They're just really starting to get on my nerves.
Ah. Ow.
What are you doing? Yeah.
Whoa. You, this way. Easy.
Yeah, that's better.
Wow. Thanks, man.
Oh, gross. Maybe we should clean it first.
Hey, yeah. And while we're at it, we can clean the whole fucking house.
This ain't our mess. Whoa.
Look, I can't go with dancing, okay? I'M sorry.
My. My parents,
they're gonna be home in a few minutes and if they see the mess I
made during my costume, they'll kill me. Look, I won't be too
long and I'll meet you there.
Is something wrong? Look, you need to go there. You need
to go now. And you can't stop for anything till you're inside with everyone else.
Okay? You wouldn't stand me up, would you?
Not a chance, baby. Snakes.
Okay, I'll get the next one.
Oh, shit. I burned my tongue.
Oh. Oh. Ew. That's disgusting. I bet
I can fix that for you. Hold still.
That's better. Burrito.
Burrito. Wait, wait.
Don't open it. Don't open it. No.
Well, I'm sorry, man. There were only two. No. Will you let the hand out?
Well, we brought you first aid kit. Where did it
go? What? You mean the hand? Of course I mean the hand.
Try looking up your ass.
Hey, foxy, you looking for a
ball? Cause I could help you find one that's the right size for
you. What the hell?
Try and keep up. I'd be happy, happy to keep up with you,
sweet thing. Hey, don't you guys have a dance to go
to? Oh, that's right. We gotta do our costumes.
You coming, Randy? No, no. I think I could find
myself a ride. All right.
So what brings you to Bowen?
You don't want to know. No, seriously,
I'm interested. Really?
Yeah. Okay, here it goes.
I come from a long line of Druidic priestesses sworn to fight a certain evil
force that possesses the laziest fuck up it can find.
It will kill as many people as possible and then drag
a free soul into the netherworld. That's some weighty
shit there. Yeah, here's the kicker. I actually
have the one thing that can stop this from happening.
I just need to find the poor bastard whose hand is possessed.
Weird. Hey, earlier today, this guy,
Anton, he told me that his hand was doing stuff that he didn't want it
to do. Don't you fuck with me,
mister. He's up there. Kitten, I'm telling you the
truth. This guy was freaked. Show me where
he lives.
Left. Turn left.
Guys, guys, we gotta go to the dance.
The hand, it's after Molly. You know, we should check out
the dance. I bet you I'll win best Costume. And chicks dig winners.
I'll probably hook up. Yeah. Cause severed heads are one of the top
ten big turn ons. Anton, it's killing
me to see you this stressed out, man. I mean, you cut off your hand
in the interest of who knows how many others. So it's not your problem anymore.
So what I want you to do is take a little Anton time,
okay? Just relax and kick back,
my man. No, no, no. You know what?
Not this time, okay? I'm through with that. I mean, all I do
is I sit around all day. I veg out, I watch tv, I smoke pot.
No, no, no. No Kevin Costner speeches, all right? Let's just.
That's him. They're getting into my Ford.
Wait here. He's dangerous. Wait.
Don't let him steal my board. Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
It's lucky. Shit.
Couldn't be automatic. You want me to drive?
No, just. Just shift for Santa.
Wait,
what was that? Who cares?
Hey, get back here.
That resurrection at the end of the clip takes us through the middle third
of the film. So we are now two thirds down. And this is going to
take us right to the end at the next. Yes. Anything to add
or you just want to get and. Oh, yeah. No. Yeah. So have we gotten
to the scene where they get to the school yet? No, they're not at the
school. Going to be after the start of this. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, because that's.
That's the scene we really need to talk about anyway.
So. Yeah, the head gets out. They. They figure out a way to get
the. Their way around. I like how they. They stick the guy's head
on the tapes. It. He's like, oh, I burnt my tongue. As if they're both
dead. Not being the worst thing. Well, once your tongue
is burnt and you're dead, it's not going to heal. So if he loses taste
buds or if he can actually taste anything. Yeah. He's going to not
be able to taste anything now for the rest of his life because he burned
it with a burrito. They must be able to taste things because,
you know, they're in these burritos. But I love when
it's like the head gets out. You let it out. What we made. We brought
you a first aid kit because where to go? Have you tried looking
up your ass? Yeah. Total slackers
from the 90s. This is basically how we were at
that age, because this movie was. They were our age at this. At this time.
Yeah, the movie was kind of directed at our generation.
Yeah. Yeah. At that time. Yeah. Like they were trying to sell this shit to
us and it worked really hard for you. Yes. And I
loved it. Just the fucking so far. I'm still in love
with this Movie. I have no problems with it whatsoever.
It's just. It's a fun movie for me.
There are a few pieces of, like, homophobia in there with
some of the things that the friends say to each other, but that is the
time for. Sure. I cut it out for the show. And if it was in
any of the clips, I cut it out, and then I just don't acknowledge it
whenever we're talking, talking about it in the notes. That's kind of the only thing
that I was kind of a little cringed at. But it's really not as egregious
as some of the other ones. It was just typical hetero kids trying
to tease each other as if being gay was a bad thing. That's just basically
how it goes. And that was the time for sure. Late night. That was the
time that unfortunately, those insults flew everywhere.
Yeah. And the fact that it persisted well into the 2000s and got even worse
when everybody was trying to be Edge Lord with it and their humor. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. Not. Not the best,
but. But it. You. It's not nearly as
bad as some films from that time, so.
No, it's significantly better than a lot of the other ones.
It was almost like. And the characters that are behaving like that are the dumbasses
when they say that shit, too. Yeah, yeah. They're like the kids who you're not
supposed to. It's the characters you're not supposed to quite like. Yeah. All right,
well, I can move on and finish this if you're ready, man. Let's do it.
All right, so the last 30 starts with the couple that left the
bowling alley to go to the dance making out hot and heavy in a car
while the severed hand crawls around the outside looking for its way inside to kill
them. The couple in KISS makeup decide to open a
window because their makeup is running. But that really thank
you, movie. We're not quite there yet. But, yes, it will be a
thank you movie. Just to say that when they open up the window to
make the makeup not running, the thing that's causing the makeup to be running is
the fact that you're rubbing your faces all over each other. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,
you're not doing your makeup any favors here. Yeah.
Unless you're using a rubber mask grease paint,
white and scorched cor cork for your blacks on your
face paint for when you're doing kiss, it's gonna run no matter what. And even
then, if you're rubbing your face on shit, it's gonna run. And this has been
your makeup tutorial with corks. But anyway, they open
up the window that allows the hand to get its way in.
The lady pops her top. And once again, thank you movie
for that. Yeah, that's. That's. That's a hell of a top
pop top right there. The dude gets loving up on them
titties as we all pretty much wanted to the minute they were popped open.
Then the severed hand joins in, making me feel even creepier now
from making that last statement. And then kills the girl when she notices the
hand and screams. The idiot slackers arrive and find the couple dead
there in the car. And that is our 10th clip. It's here.
Okay, you guys go in the dance. Protect Molly. I'm going after that fucking hand.
What a waste. I thought you didn't like Curtis. I'm talking about that
ass. Well, at least he died happy.
Molly, what's bugging you?
Just thinking. And I know who.
Bo. Just thought he'd be here by now.
He'll be here. Just put me
in a wheelchair. I'm going to go get some punch. You want some?
Okay. I'll be right back. Control my fingers. I can't control my brain. Control my
fingers. I. Wow. You guys look great.
Wow. Who did your makeup?
I guess Anton did. Based on my design, though.
You want to dance? Hell, yeah. Okay.
No, no. We're supposed to find Molly. Quit being such
a skirt. We'll look for while we dance. Come on, there's plenty of chicks here.
Careful, it's on kind of loose. Cool.
Look, don't put me on hold again. I want to talk to your supervisor.
What? Well, yes, of course.
No. What's taking so long? Is this the supervisor?
What do you mean my credit card is no good? Well, you must have
the wrong number. No,
it's 8468.
Yes. Yes.
Okay. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, that's good.
Okay, I think. I think you've been a bad girl.
And I want to spank you with my ruler.
Oh, yes, that's nice. That is nice.
Well, now I'm hot. Ah, I'm hot.
Thank you. Got me so hot. It's. It's like I can
feel you touching me.
I can feel you touching me.
Finger. Come on. We got a
financial. Yeah, yeah. And kick his ass.
Are you Anton? Look, if you're a teacher, we're gonna have to discuss my attendance
record some other time. Cause I gotta. Thank God I found you. My name is
Debbie Lure. I know what's happening, Anton. I can stop it.
Really? How?
Die yeah, fuck him up,
Debbie. The host of evil must die.
Isn't that knife a little extreme, kitten?
You're not going anywhere, you evil hosting buckstick. Nobody touches my
board. Come on, Debbie, give him what for.
Wait, wait. I'm not a host, okay? Look,
the evil was in my hand, all right?
I cut it off, okay? Oh,
shit. You let it loose. That was probably
a mistake. No kidding. And now it's after my girlfriend.
You got a girlfriend? I gotta stop, all right? It's out for blood. Oh,
that ain't all it's out for. If your girl's the one it's after,
then at midnight, it's taking her to hell.
Hell, yeah. It's not even nine o'clock
yet. We got some time. No,
it's actually six minutes till midnight.
Druittine. Druittine.
Right, let's go. Mommy doesn't have.
Oh, God. That's disgusting. Come on,
man. You're. You're dead. You know, think about it.
It's. It's. It's illegal.
Everybody go home. There's a cycle killer here.
I caught up my hand and it's going to kill you all. Get off the
stage.
But no, it's true. His hand killed us yesterday. Yeah,
it sliced me up real good. While you out there.
Out of here, kid. You had your fun.
Now it's time.
It's weird. I don't harbor any serious resentment or
issues with the band, the Offspring, or Dexter himself.
However, watching Dexter get his scalp ripped off in
this movie is one of my favorite things that the Offspring has ever done.
See, I like the band the Offspring. I like the music. But,
yeah, that was still fun to watch. I just. Like I said, I don't.
I don't. I don't dislike them. I've seen them in concert before because
my wife likes them and wanted to go, and I went with her, and that
was a lot of fun. I've never hated them, and I don't. Like I said,
I don't have any animosity towards Dexter, but watching him get his.
Fun to see. Sometimes it's fun to see someone get their head ripped,
their scalp ripped off. That's the highlight. I get it. It's the highlight of his
career and the band's career, as far as I'm concerned. For me personally, that's like.
It never gets any better than that. Yeah. And again, it's not. I think their
music's actually really good, so maybe that's more important. But that's just
me. Yeah. It's not with any malice that I say that. It's just that it
doesn't get any better than that to me. I don't know why. Yeah. All right,
so the end of the clip has Dexter from the Offspring getting his scalp ripped
off, which is the pinnacle of their career for me. And the Hand dance
came by the hand. You are such an asshole sometimes.
All the time, baby. All the time. That starts a sequence
of all of the kids panicking at the disco and trying to flee
the gym and escape. The Hand drops a light scaffolding on some
of the kids and murders them. And then the rest really start to run
off. Jessica Alba's friend grabs her and forms a
plan in our penultimate clip. God, did you see
that thing? I had to get Anton. No, screw him.
I mean, he'll be fine. Um.
Come on.
You want to go in there? You want to stay out here and get killed
and. Or trouble? I was
going to get some. I really doubt it.
So Pinop's a lot more creative than I thought he was. I mean, he's actually
kind of cool. And that he had that costume. Maybe we
should go a little faster. I don't know if he did it or.
Wait, wait. Go.
Shit. We're trapped in here. Oh, my God. It's going to get
me. No, it's going to get me. It's not going to get you. It's not
going to get you. What about the blade?
I mean, we can't go through there. We'll be. Boris, give me your shoes.
What are you gonna do? Oh,
no. It's too far. I can't drop
that far. We're gonna die in this vent.
I'm not gonna die. We're gonna die here. The rats are gonna eat us and
nobody's gonna find us.
Oh, God. Okay, we're good.
Be careful. All right, let's go.
This would be a lot more comfortable if your ass wasn't so wide.
This is dumb. Well, Anton needs our help. The best thing about being
dead is zero responsibility. That's Tanya. Let's save her.
Come on. Hurry up.
She needs me. She needs you like a fish need.
Okay, this sucks.
Tanya, grab the cord and come down. I can't.
I can't. I'm scared. Do it.
Tonya, come on. I can't. It's here.
It's in here. I know it. Why'd you
pull the rope up? I didn't pull the
rope up.
Tanya, where are you? I can't see. You gotta talk to the.
Please, just jump. Just jump.
Grab the block. Get it off.
Get off. Get Off.
Shreds her up real good. As you heard at the end of the clip,
Alba's friend in the devil costume is killed by the hand when it pulls up
the rope, hangs her by it, drops her through the fan, and then pulls
the shoe out, making the fan start up, dragging her back
up by pulling the rope back up into the fan, which shreds her.
Yeah. Alba runs off. Oh, go ahead.
That's some shit. Alba runs off in fear and
is knocked as she flees to the art room. We then
see Anton makes it to the art room and the stoner friends in the
air ducts find Tanya's remains. They make some really off color
jokes about it. Yeah. As they do throughout the whole
movie. Anton fights with his evil hand that puts on several puppets
in the art room to hide and attack him. That made it actually a little
bit scarier because they're more like dolls and was a lot creepier than just the
mutilated hand. It really kind of turned on you there. Yeah. But it's
also some genuinely funny stuff because every new puppet is just absolutely hilar.
Is that. It's rock. Yeah, yeah. Just when Anton gets
the chance. Go ahead. No, no, that whole scene,
because yeah, it's like. It's a whole bunch of different puppets
too. You're just like, good God. Oh, buddy. And it's in the dark. It's one
of the more suspenseful parts of the movie, to be honest. And it's some genuinely
funny too, because it's. It's creepy and funny at the same time.
And just when Anton gets the chance to destroy his severed
hand, his friends drop in from the ceiling and let it get away.
Once again, they bicker with each other about it. As we hear Jessica Alba
scream for help. She is tied to a car being lifted towards the ceiling
to crush her. And Anton struggles to untie her before
her untimely demise. They wrestle with the severed hand in the puppet
holding the lever up to crush her. Seth Green gets distracted
and finds a shot bong. So the undead guys will get even more distracted
as they go and get high. Anton takes a hit and Alba throws a
fit about it. Justifiable. So she says, you're getting high with
your friends now when you should be trying to save me. Or something along those
lines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't believe you're getting high with your friends.
Yeah. And then Anton uses that. Anton time.
Yeah. Anton uses that giant hit to hot box
his severed hand inside of the puppet, which has it get all dopey
as it lets Go. And drops to the ground. It stops the
car press from crushing her as
it falls to the ground. Anton tries to get the lever to lower
the car and the hand attacks as he goes to do so.
Vivica Fox tosses the knife as the hand lunges
and it stabs the hand, sticking it solidly to Seth
Green's character's chest. Popping in an anticlimactic poof
with Green's wonderful comments in our final clip.
That's it? That's it. No explosions? No hellfire?
No. I mean, no. I'm glad everybody's alright, but yeah,
that was weak. Well, my work here is done.
Time for the ritualistic sex. You coming?
You are a pistol.
I'm still up here.
Thanks. Nick your butt.
Come here. Ah. As usual,
marijuana saves an otherwise disastrous day.
Hey, I never got a hit. Light me,
Anton. Sweet Jesus.
Okay, that wasn't my fault. That thing should have come down a lot slower.
What? What the hell? Hey, don't forget my bomb.
You did not make that bomb. Uh huh. I arc welded it and shit.
You don't even take auto shop. Fuck. You coming,
Anton? I can't even believe
it. You blew off heaven to kick it with me.
You are the coolest. Are you kidding me? You taking care of
me beats the shit out of heaven, let me tell you. Really?
Dr. Johnson. Time for your meds,
guys. You blew off heaven too? No, we're your
guardian angels. Oh, poor thing.
He's out of his mind with delirium. Visiting hours are over.
Oh, oh, oh. I'll see you tomorrow.
Okay. So the deal
is we're supposed. To monitor you and make sure you don't revert back
to your evil ways. But you're seeing fine now.
Let's hit the snack master in the hall. All right. You want anything,
Antoine? Yeah, give me some crunch nuggets. These things are awesome.
Hey, thanks you guys.
Hit the light,
Vic. What do I come calling me Vic?
Hey, you're right hand on screams like a girl.
Think we should tell him we painted that on the ceiling?
Fuck it. Hey, let's go walk through and nurse. Watch it.
Some of them are guys. And with
that they roll credits. Cinema PsyOps 10
years. 10 years. All right,
so that is the end of the film. Yes. Good film.
Good film. Yeah, I definitely think it
for the way that times have changed from when that was released.
It definitely still holds up. There's a few things that are a little creepy.
Like the way that Jessica Alba's character really wanted to
be manhandled and got turned on. By it.
Yeah. Little problematic that, like, he just grabs her without
any kind of consent or, you know, forethought, and that's what she's been waiting for.
But yeah, that's not. That's. That. That could be a
little. Yeah. And then having that and then having her basically just
be like this. Red flag warning. Ignoring constantly
in a state of male gaze disrobe for our viewing
pleasure made me feel a little guilty and uncomfortable. Not that I didn't
still enjoy seeing her like that. I'm just saying,
like, just a little bit about that felt a little.
A little rough to watch. It was a little bit for the male gaze.
Yeah. But that was also very Norma normal back in those times.
Yeah, absolutely. 100%. You are not wrong. That is
just how it was. And we were privileged that it was like that.
And we weren't complaining then. No, no, yeah,
yeah. We just allowed for it
to happen. What we should basically say is that
now that you don't want that to be the case anymore, we completely
understand and support that and have no argument as to why you shouldn't.
No, that is your decision and we just support
it. Ah. We can move
on if you want. I'm ready to just close out this episode.
Story time. All right, we're going to take the break now. We're going
to play from the Offspring, the song Beheaded, which was featured
very prominently in Idle Hands. And when we come back,
we'll have my story.
Cort. It's Matt, man. We gotta do something about Dan.
I. I made it across the line. He got the pictures.
I got drunk. I was pissed. I was in the bunker.
So I sort of took all the. Stills and all the.
The cameras are inside the sex spot. So it's really,
really up close in person, personal stuff. And I. I took them
all and I. And I sent them to a man. And I don't think Dan's
in a good way, man. He told you about Coy yet apparently
he has a troll or something
that lives under his big toe and he calls it Chloe. I mean,
we got problems, man. We had a lot of problems with dad,
and we got to do something about it. All right. Call me.
Yeah. So they did play that song during the show.
That was in the dance. That was part of it right before it got interrupted
by Manton. And if you listen to the lyrics, it kind of fits. It's about
a guy going psycho and beheading people and doing nasty things with bodies.
So. Yeah. Yeah. And I just. Yeah, it's.
Go ahead. No, no, go Ahead. I was gonna say I'm just delaying time until
my story.
Story time.
Story time. Okay. So I
just finished the first cycle of my therapy
sessions. It's my story time. Oh, yay.
You getting another tattoo or. Well,
earlier this week, about Tuesday,
I got notice that my therapist had an opening
that. You mean your tattoo artist, right? Same, same.
Anyway, my therapist had an opening because one of his
previous sessions was canceled. And my normal. My normal
appointment time was once a month. I would go on a Wednesday.
And so it just so worked out that he was telling me on Tuesday that
I have a Wednesday opening. It was a cancellation. If it'll work for you,
we can get your sleeve done before Halloween. And that was kind of
like the little thing that he dangled there. I bet you we could get your
sleeve done in the time that we have allowed. And so it became kind
of a bet because we have a lot to work to do on my sleeve
in our therapy sessions. Right. So, yeah, we still had a lot to get done.
So I took him up on the offer, and I basically said,
well, I got to see if I can get it. Get the day off,
because I'm currently migrating website material around
from one server to another, but that means it has to be integrated
from one website to another, which means Translating, you know, JavaScript to
TypeScript and ASP. Net pages to Angular
Componentry. That kind of stuff, you know what I mean? Like,
not great stuff. Not boring stuff. Not terrible stuff to
do for a programmer, but stuff that you have to do and you have to
get done and in a very short amount of time. So luckily,
I was ahead enough to where I basically reported to my boss and told
him what's up? And he was like, yeah, you're going to have the day.
So I got it approved. And so this last Wednesday, I went in
for my therapy session for the final round of this course,
and I got the coloring done around my Bat
Pack tattoo. The Bat Pack, for those in the know,
or. Well, for those that don't know, is Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee,
and Vincent Price. There's a famous photo of them because they all shared,
like, birthdays really close to around each other. And actually, John Carradine
was kind of part of this too, for the Batman. But because
they share birthdays around each other, there's a photo of the three of them kind
of posing together on one of these events where they're, like, you know, having dinner
together or what have you as older men. Well, my tattoo is them of
characters when they're younger men. But. But in that position of the
portraits, so that they're all sort of positioned as they were
in that bat pack photo. So it's a younger version of Vincent Price,
a younger version of. As the character in the bat, a younger version
of Christopher Lee playing Dracula in the Hammer
films of his Dracula performance. I think it's actually the Scars of Dracula
pose that I picked. Yeah. And then Peter Cushing as Dr.
Frankenstein, and I think it might be the Curse of Frankenstein is the pose
that we picked for that one. And so we didn't have color references
for all of these whenever he did them, and we had to decide how
to get the coloring done. So he took one reference of Vincent
Price from the bat that was colorized, that was done with all these
wild, like, psychedelic Technicolor swirl colors and
was like, hey, can we just do this across all of them? And I'm like,
yeah, let's do it. Yeah. All right. We were nervous
about it because he would have to translate and figure out where the shadows
would be, what colors, and all of that for each of the other faces that
weren't Vincent and Prices. And, you know, he was kind
of having a discussion with one of the other people in the shop about it,
and eventually, you know, they were talking about possibly drawing it out
to see what it might look like and kind of experiment before he did it.
And then eventually he was like, you know, I think I can just do it.
You know, I was like, I'm just going to do it and freehand it.
And then I immediately said, well, I trust you, man. I know you can do
it, so just go for it. Just freehand it. I believe that you can do
it. And so he did, right? Yeah. I'm nervous as
shit about that. But he does it, and we're getting up to about
half the session, and the there's people walking by saying things
like, this palette is really bold. This color palette is
very bold. And, you know, this is very bright. This is crazy bright
for some of the colors. I'm getting some comments about that, right? And they look
at the reference material, and they're like, wow, that's wild. And then they're all like,
oh, my God. How are you gonna translate it to these other people? And everybody's
mentioning the same thing that we were supposed to be nervous about while
he's doing the tattoo. And the entire time, me saying I trusted him was
100% true, because guess what? I didn't look at it until we had
to take a break. I just let him bold Move. Yeah. And then we looked
at it and looked at the colors and everything. And I'm. I already know
that the way that he has to do the coloring, I've seen this before where
because of the blood and the swelling of the tissue and everything else that's going
on, he has to plan ahead on how it's going to look, when it heals,
when he's doing it and packing the color in and just using the technique that
he knows that'll deliver that. And when I'm looking at it, I have to realize
that, yes, this is not how it's going to look. These colors are going to
be more muted and it's going to, you know, look more like the actual colors
because it's really puffy. I mean, he's been jamming color into
my arm for three hours into the small area, right. Like, the tissue
is swollen and bruised and saying,
fuck you. At this point, the skin, it's. It's bruised,
it's spongy. Yeah. It's not happy with us. But then we take
the break from that. We finish it up and I take a look at it
and the colors are looking insane. And it's not. It's not
looking good at this point because of the puffiness and everything. And I know I
just have to wait a couple days, so I do. And then he's like,
okay, you ready to do the musculature stuff? I'm like, yeah, let's see how much
we can get done. So he fills in all the spots where the stitching is
supposed to be. Like, my tattoos are supposed to be like, you know, I got,
like, the skin was removed and I have new skin I've collected from other people's
tattoos for my arms. And that's how my arms are, you know,
put back together. I guess you could say, well, we're doing the musculature and all
of that stuff that's underneath. The areas where the stitching is coming open
enough to reveal that stuff, and we end up getting it all done, but he
has to stay late to get it done. But he totally volunteers to
do it, and it takes another couple of hours. I was probably in
the chair for, I think, like, the max is like six hours is what he
normally does. And I think I was in the chair for about six hours,
maybe six and a half. We took a couple of like 15 minute, ish breaks,
but I was there for about seven hours before I left. And most of that
time was in the chair. There was maybe a half hour where him And I
took a break to go to the restroom, and that was it. Nice. Not bad
at all. Yeah. The sleeve is finished. And when I brought it home and the
wife saw all the bold colors, she was like, I don't think that looks.
And I'm like, well, look how swollen it is. Look how red it is.
Look how puffy it is. You gotta wait, like, I was like, you gotta wait
a couple days before you get a better idea. Let the colors get a little
muted and you'll see. And fast forward to when we were hanging out at your
house last night. When I got home after we left
from the garage bar, I, you know, was taken off my shirt sleeve
and cleaning my arm and everything just because. And getting ready to go,
like, just to be down for the night and, you know, chill out. And I
noticed that the colors had gotten muted on the tattoo and it's looking really,
really good. And it's healing up actually pretty nice. And that it's, like super itchy.
And I showed it to my wife, and even she was like, oh, okay.
I see what the colors are trying to do. Because instead of just seeing the
bold, like, all the color that gets packed into the top layers
once that stuff all leaks back out, now you're seeing what's actually going
to be there and how the gradients work with the wash and everything. And the
Technicolor swirl stuff that is showing up on all
of the three of the bat pack now actually looks pretty incredible, believe it or
not. Yeah. So there you go. Yeah, there you go. That's the
end. With that, my therapy session for my left
arm is pretty much complete. We have a couple of touch up things that
we have to discuss before we move on to the next portion, which I'm
going to be getting my chest tattooed next, I think.
Oh, all right. There you go. Jesus. I'm getting into some fun areas.
Yeah, that sounds painful to me. Yeah, we're going to work
through some stuff in those therapies. You're going to have a good time.
And with that, I'm gonna play the show Housekeeping. And immediately following that, from the
soundtrack of Idle Hands, we'll have the Living End with Second Solution
right after this. If you've decided you can't get enough of the show and would
like. Let me download all of those voicemails we mentioned from Dan last week
and I'm gonna put them at the end of the episode. Do we want to
talk about that? I mean, we might as well listen. All right,
I'll go ahead and I'll take a little bit of heat. I have sent
video to Dan of Millicent in the middle of robot coitus.
Orgy astronomy. Yeah, lots of them too. Like interactions.
And I'm talking about full blown all orgies. I mean,
all robots were involved. It more or less was a gang bang
kind of. Yeah. I mean, she was centered and he was mad.
Of her own volition, she broke it. Here. I.
I just took. I wasn't here. I just took the video from the play.
I just took the video. Right. Surveillance. Yeah. Against. Against my
better wishes as well. I may then have.
When I found out he had left you some voicemails.
Creepy voicemails, but voicemails nonetheless. Well, it was.
He was starting to leave you in the same country verse.
Yeah. He's now started leaving me voicemails threatening me
once again. I'm back in studio, no longer in the bunker because I
realized dan's all of 98 pounds soaking wet.
And if he comes up to me, I'm breaking him in half. I guess we
should probably mention that he's lost a lot of weight because of that illicit drug
use. Yeah, it's getting bad. And I'm. But he looks like Christian
Bale in the Machinist. Yeah, he's all
bones and bad bridge. It is really. It's sweaty. He has a smell to
him like he can't even sneak around anymore. You kind of know he's around.
But I kind of got a little miffed. I had to be in the bunker
last week, so I may have sent really blown up internal
pictures. We talked about that on the commentary we did for Street.
Yeah, I. I apologize. But I did go through with it. Well, I apologize
to you in case you got any more voicemails. Actually, he stopped calling
me. Okay. Then I figured because my phone's been blowing up constantly
with even more threats. And I'm gonna tell you right now. He had
this thing in his head where he was gonna steal me from you. Yeah,
it was really strange. Some of his voicemails to me were telling
me how he's gonna take my most precious thing away, which is you.
Yeah, he has. I don't think he quite understands.
We don't even like each other. No, I like if you stole him
from me, do I have to give you money?
So that was a living end with second solution. Matt's gotta get the fuck
out of here. I just realized what time it was and I was taking up
too much time talking the stories about how I just got my tattoos recently done.
Done a lot about your therapy. Yeah, yeah, definitely. So let's
go ahead and close this out, everybody. I hope you can kick the fuck out
of this week and make it your while you enjoy the band Lion Rock
with the song Rude Boy Rock on the pirate radio.
Dan, I know you're listening to this. If you come at me with this in
person, I'm going to knock you out. Or worse. Or worse. I'm going. You know
what, Dan? I'm going to knock you out and then I'll just throw you into
the same pit that Millicent fell into. Okay, if that's what you want. Dude,
he doesn't even know. That's the weirdest thing. Yeah, she's still alive.
Well, she technically now, but I mean, she was
shifted from the mortal coil for a bit. She was temporarily disposed
of. There you go. That sounds best. Yeah, that sounds bad. Listen,
also the thing I'm pissed about. Is all that plastic and duct tape I had
to waste trying to get rid of her. And then Igor goes and demands to
have her for himself. And you know, but he's doing a lot of good work.
He's taking care of her a lot better than he has Bun Bun. So I'm
happy. We have a really weird thing going on here. We're dealing
with like a soap opera level of drama in a world of mad
science and evil. And I don't like it. I don't either, man. I'm, I'm with
you on that. I just, I don't want to be a part of this.
We're getting it narrowed down. We're getting it taken care of. But Dan, I swear
to God, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm gonna beat the shit
out of you. We have more than enough evidence to put Dan away for a
very long time for this harassment and these threats. I have recordings that
I put out there where he physically threatened Matt's life.
Not much recording in progress right as.
We finish and I turn around. I haven't been paying attention to the Packer
game all day. Yeah, and we were down by two with two seconds left
and we just kicked a field goal. Right as I turned around, almost pissed myself
because I really did have to pee back.
I was like, oh my God. I screamed so loud like a girl.
It sounded like a high pitched whale and I almost peed.
You're good to go though, right? Yeah, let's get our on.
All right, so it's 482 and we gotta get idle hands down.
So let's do it. That. That should be easy. 3. We got.
We got over an hour and a half. Perfect. Three, two,
one.
Sa.
About your therapy. Yeah, yeah, definitely. So let's go
ahead and close this out, everybody. I hope you can kick the out of
this week and make it your bitch while you enjoy the band Lion Rock with
the song Rude Boy Rock on the pirate radio edit. All right. You should recognize
that song from the soundtrack. Yeah, it's great. I should have featured that. And I
gotta get you the out of here, so let's go ahead and do this.
Recording stopped.