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The Space for Sistas™ Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Dominique Pritchett, a licensed therapist, speaker and well-being consultant from Kenosha, Wisconsin and guests. We are a wellness podcast for Black women and teen girls who are ready to dream, decide and do what’s necessary to live well.This week it's Dr. Dominique jammin' solo! __________________________________________________________________________Let's stay connected! Is there a topic you’d like covered on the pod...
The Space for Sistas® Podcast is a weekly-ish chat with Dr. Dominique Pritchett and guests about all things health and wellness leaving you with actionable solutions to step into our most authentic selves.
Welcome to the space versus this
podcast.
We are a wellness podcast for
black women who are ready to
dream decide and do what's
necessary to live well.
I'm your host, Dr.
Dominique Pritchett.
And today it's me.
No guest.
At this stage in life.
When someone isn't aligned with
you.
And may not even like you.
It can be in your family.
It could be on your job.
It can be in your community.
It can even be in your
relationship.
Um, very, very passionate about
addressing this topic.
Adding a humanistic lens to it
because as a black woman, That
has been most of my career.
Being of the few or the only one
in many of the rooms I frequent.
It can get so, so lonely and I
know I'm not alone.
It has taken me all these years
to learn how to maximize that
position for so long, I carried
the weight that I had to be all
things to everyone.
Be everywhere for everyone.
Many times.
That position when it's not
aligned or when you're not even
liked, it is illuminated.
If you are that few or the only
one is magnified, you feel it,
you feel the pressure from it.
But let's talk about that room.
Because the room carries a lot
of conversation.
The room carries a lot of
weight.
I was a file, the walls, some of
these rooms, I imagined what I
would hear I can imagine what I
would see, what I will witness,
what I would feel.
The level of empathy I would
have for you, if you are that
person.
This room that we're talking
about, it requires a lot of
energy and effort to get out of
bed to prepare to show up.
To exist there.
It takes a lot of energy and
effort to speak up and elevate
your voice.
Many times we lower our voices.
We don't contribute.
Maybe due to experiencing some
microaggressions or not having
what we've shared a be
respected.
You can paint the picture of
this room who might be in there.
So one or few, or the only one
I'm here to share reality It's
not just when we're in a rooms
with folks that don't look like
us.
Oftentimes there are people that
look like us culturally.
Racially, and every other
similarity we may have to those
people, but I'm here to remind
you.
You still could be one of few or
the only one, even if those
people look like you sound like
you income from where you come
from.
This is why it's important that
we identify active allies and
accomplice.
When we know we have to occupy
those spaces.
It is dangerous to do this
alone, to be there alone, to
hold all of that weight alone.
Let's reverse that.
Uh, feeling like you have to do
it alone.
I get it.
Some rooms, they be private.
Other people may not be able to
be invited.
who in that room, can you create
that Alliance with who in that
room?
Can you share your experiences
with, because we bring that
stuff home.
We bring this stuff to our safe
Haven.
But here's the thing.
If you're one of few or the only
one.
At home, your community at
church, you get to define what
that identity is.
One of few or the only one, my
personal story.
Many places I frequent.
I've been the only black female
black woman in that space.
And when I, even, when I go
places.
With my friends, oftentimes I'm
one of few.
I've grown comfort in
understanding how to position
myself, to know when a safe.
And when it's not, but you have
to build that authority, that
agency knowing when to speak up,
knowing when it's no longer safe
for you to be there.
That room one, requires a lot of
energy and effort.
To this room may not always be
emotionally safe.
And what we talk about emotional
or psychological safety, we have
to talk about, emotional
intelligence that comes along
with it.
The spaces you're in, do they
allow you to make mistakes?
Are you allowed to have a
difference or shared opinion?
Do you feel like you can
regulate yourself and that
person can regulate themselves?
If there are disagreements.
The emotional intelligence part
is being able to regulate
yourself your emotions and how
you navigate the psychological
safety part is, do you feel like
you can be so damn human in
those spaces where no one is
expecting perfection from you?
You can show up as your
authentic self.
Within that emotional
environment.
Number three, as I alluded to,
does it allow you to make
mistakes?
As a black woman who is often
one or few, or the only one, in
many of the spaces I occupy.
At some point along my career, I
developed this sense that I
couldn't make mistakes.
Research shows, conversations,
show and reveal that black women
are scrutinized or held under a
different microscope than their
counterparts.
It is important that we realize
we can make mistakes.
We can.
A lot of times we carry past
traumas, past unhealthy
experiences and they may be
happening now, too.
Or even just the uncertainty of
new roles.
Can I show up and contribute?
Because in the past, I wasn't
always to do that.
What I am sharing with you.
Applies across industries.
It's not just those of us in the
mental health field or the
service professions.
Sometimes people can't put their
finger on it because they're not
using language.
That magnifies a person's
behaviors.
Whether they're aggressive.
I call them macroaggressions.
The common term is
microaggressions.
Are you.
Not giving credit when you are
contributing.
That sounds very familiar across
industries.
So this isn't just mental
health.
Number four, these rooms
pressure you to self edit.
Self edit or coat switching.
When you're editing who you are,
what you believe in your morals,
your values, just to say you fit
and you want to stay at that
table.
I get it.
That table is your bread.
That table is your livelihood.
If you're anything like me, I'm
my primary and backup plan.
If you're unsure of how to
navigate, navigate those spaces,
that is why if you're a woman
who identifies as black
African-American or of the
African diaspora, I need you in
that space.
Many of us have spent most of
our career trying to figure out
how do I navigate in this space
and not self edit, not coat
switch.
I'm a firm believer that self
editing in coat switching to
create a sense of belonging.
That's a trauma response that
you have developed from being in
so many environments where you
have lost sight of who you are.
If you are.
Not someone who fits those
characteristics, I guarantee.
You know, someone who could use
guidance, from someone who has
the art of storytelling to help
you get out of that self-editing
and show up as your high
frequency, true self.
Who has navigated tough, tough
spaces.
If that sounds like you could
benefit from that, if that
sounds like you are interesting
in being seen, supported and
psychologically safe.
You're invited.
You can come to the barbecue.
I want to share a few more,
things of how that room can look
to you and feel to you.
Many black women have described
leaving this room as defeated.
I want to invite you to take
this perspective.
You don't need anyone's
permission.
To have self-worth or to have
value.
We have got to stop looking into
and looking at other people as
though they can, they need to
give us that.
You don't have to like me in
that space.
You don't have to value me.
But we want to get to the point
where we will be respected.
That starts from day one.
This is why that code switching
and that self editing is so, so
dangerous because when we start
doing that, we are now teaching
people that we're okay.
With how they treat me, how they
talk to me, they're used to the
self edited version because
we've lost sight of our real
self in those spaces.
That's why it's important that
we cultivate spaces to learn, to
grow, to nurture each other.
I have developed many
opportunities, many pathways to
where I can bounce out of a lot
of those spaces.
And I have.
There is a difference of being
an advocate and showing up for
people who, whose voices have
been, uh, tone down.
I always say I don't give people
their voice.
I'm looking to advocate and
creates a spaces where you can
elevate your voice.
When we think about this room.
This room can trick you to think
that this is not an opportunity.
Within how we have come out of
those rooms, defeated, burnt
out, overwhelmed.
When we take a step back and do
an Eagle eyes view to what
opportunities can I.
Grab from this space.
What relationships can I build
from this space?
How can I change the status quo?
And create a paradigm shift.
A paradigm shift in the most
simplest form is an extreme
change or altering of something.
Perhaps it takes you.
To create self-editing and to
offer different perspectives.
Don't go along with the status
quo.
I teach my clients how to grow
comfortable with calling
behaviors out.
As a black woman.
Oftentimes we believe that we're
a token.
When we get invited to start
spaces where the token, if you
act like the token, you will be
the token.
Just because we're invited,
we're not naive to people's
agendas.
And if you don't feel good and
people say it all the time, Take
a step back and build your own
table, we have to learn how to
navigate in those spaces because
people have resources we need.
As I said, many of us can't
always walk away.
It's our bread is our butter and
it's our livelihood.
Lastly.
As you explore how you can,
unpack, discover.
For the opportunities in those
spaces where you are few or the
only one, this can be your
catalyst to pivot.
It took me burning out several
times, not nearly burning out.
Those were other places, but
officially burning out in places
where I was the only one rather
than a few.
I had to go through sexual
harassment.
And I say Hatoo, cause I was in
that position where I'm like,
okay, I got to pay off my
student loans.
I gotta pay my mortgage.
I gotta pay this.
I expose myself to repeated
instances of trauma and abuse.
As my speaking coach teaches
let's start at the top and not
the bottom.
And I want the same thing for
you as you.
Elevate your voices and discover
how can you use these
opportunities to pivot?
Allowed them to be the catalyst
of your pivot.
I'm a firm believer.
If these spaces are not safe for
you be working on your exit
plan.
Be smart about it.
Seek counsel seek coaching.
To get the guidance and how to
do that.
It took me having to experience
sexual harassment.
I went to HR who was a black
woman.
She says, SIS.
You gotta play the game better.
Be careful of making those
accusations they can really come
back and harm you.
Ah, y'all talk about somebody
that was like, well, who else
can I go to?
To wrap up that story.
It got to the point where I left
that company went somewhere
else.
They cleaned house and then
brought me back and they pitched
a good package.
I was like, oh, I am back to
experience.
None of that crap I went through
before.
But to get in the room.
I didn't ask enough questions.
And I've rushed.
The opportunity sound is so
great.
Be mindful of what sounds good.
Ask more questions in my line of
work.
As a therapist, I pride myself
in learning how and facilitating
the art of asking better
questions I should say.
The outcome of that experience
of working for that.
Corporate company is I ended up
settling a lawsuit.
For harassment and
discrimination.
I documented my experiences for
six years.
I didn't have to think what I
would eventually put in that
lawsuit.
I didn't have to think who said
what, when they said it at
stress to secured, we're going
to be exploring how to position
yourself.
In the event that you are faced
with unpleasant circumstances,
but not just that, but how to
position yourself to check in,
to monitor.
To prevent the stress from
getting to a point where you end
up in a lawsuit where you are
burning out, we're starting at
the top and not the bottom
towards better self care, better
stress management.
As you conceptualize what that
room is.
I just went through seven things
or seven ways you could leave
those rooms also how you can use
that opportunity as a catalyst
to pivot, maybe open your
business.
Write the book.
Right.
The story.
In everything else you may need
to find harmony.
I'm a firm believer people.
Get the energy and proximity to
me when it's deserving.
Don't wrestle with it, lean into
it, release it.
Thank you so much for listening,
please subscribe, download, and
share.
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sistas.