Episode 15: How Gen Xers are Reinventing Retirement with Shelley McIntyre

Show Notes

In this episode of The Real Retirement Show, hosts Yasmin and Kathleen explore the evolving concept of retirement for Generation X. Special guest Shelly McIntyre shares her insights on how Gen Xers are breaking away from traditional retirement models and creating vibrant, purposeful lives post-career. With extensive experience in coaching, Shelly offers practical advice on dealing with change, embracing new opportunities, and building a strong support network. Tune in to hear real stories, expert tips, and a deeper understanding of what retirement means for today's Gen Xers.

00:00 Rethinking Retirement: Gen X's New Approach

01:21 Welcome to The Real Retirement Show

02:04 Introducing Shelly McIntyre: Reinventing Retirement

02:56 Gen Xers' Unique Retirement Challenges

06:52 Navigating Corporate Loyalty and Personal Identity

13:15 The Role of Grief in Life Transitions

16:30 Planning for a Vibrant Future

31:37 Finding Your People: Building a Support System

36:44 Final Thoughts and Connecting with Shelly

About Shelley McIntyre

Shelley coaches post-corporate GenXers who want to design intentional and vibrant third acts. After a long career in technology and corporate strategy, Shelley pivoted to coaching, inspired by seeing smart people get in their own way. 

Shelley believes it’s never too late to reinvent yourself and reclaim your identity from corporate narratives. 

Through her coaching, she offers potent insights into change, grief, and identity, equipping clients to navigate life’s transitions with self-compassion. 

Shelley taps into her love of the arts and making stuff to create unique, transformative coaching experiences.

LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/shelley-mcintyre/

Website: https://shelleymcintyre.com/

Elizabeth Kupferman's "Ladder of Trust" series: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yE_Vo8HTTI4&list=PLu8p59ShPS96xgDL1XFr6iYUJo_VTr0c7 

Real Retirement Video Podcast: Real Retirement - YouTube

Creators and Guests

Guest

Kathleen Mundy

Guest

Shelley McIntyre

Guest

Yasmin Nguyen

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Shelley McIntyre: they grew up
with that model, watching their

parents get older, watching
their.

Grandparents have a very clear
like now we stop moment and I

think there was an assumption as
Gen Xers came up that, that

would be something that would
happen to them as well.

And then I think they started
grappling with the.

I don't want to go on cruises,
but I don't want to golf.

So what does that mean for
retirement for us?

If we don't want to do the
things that our parents did.

so then they had to go into this
innovation moment of, okay, if

we're throwing out that script
of retirement means moving to

the villages in Florida and just
having dinner parties and

golfing, if we can throw that
out.

Then what opens up for us
because there's no precedent,

we're inventing this, and we
have to keep being vibrant and

healthy for this extended
lifespan that we have.

So what do we get to do?

It's not like a, what do we have
to do now?

What do we get to do?

And I think that's a big shift
and a change of conception for

Gen Xers.

Yasmin Nguyen: Welcome back to
the real retirement show.

My name is Yasmin here with my
cohost Kathleen, whether you're

retired or thinking about
retirement, we delve into the

multifaceted world of retirement
beyond the finances.

This isn't your typical
retirement discussion.

It's a vibrant journey into what
retirement truly means in

today's world.

We bring you real stories from
real retirees and experts

discussing real challenges,
surprises, joys, heartaches, and

the myriad of emotions that come
with retirement.

From addressing family dynamics
to mental and physical health to

finding purpose, we tackle the
issues that truly matter to

retirees and those thinking
about retirement.

Our special guest today is
Shelly McIntyre.

Shelly coaches post corporate
Gen Xers who want to design

intentional and vibrant third
acts.

After a long career in
technology and corporate

strategy, Shelly pivoted to
coaching inspired by seeing

smart people get in their own
way.

Shelly believes it's never too
late to reinvent yourself And

reclaim your identity from
corporate narratives.

Through her coaching, she offers
potent insights into change,

grief, identity, equipping
clients to navigate their life

transitions with self
compassion.

Shelly taps into her love of the
arts and making stuff to create

unique, transformative
experiences.

Coaching experiences shelly.

We are so excited to have you
here.

Thank you so much.

for being with us

Shelley McIntyre: Happy to be
here.

Thanks for having me.

Yasmin Nguyen: shelly, i've been
super excited about our

conversation today mainly
because i'm a gen xer myself and

when I was looking at the
statistics I didn't realize that

there are over 65 million gen
xers in the u.

s.

And then another 7 million in
canada, and so this is Becoming

an important topic that we're
starting to hear a lot about

these days.

And so I'm curious, Shelly, how
did you get inspired by working

and focusing on this particular
generation?

Shelley McIntyre: Well, first,
just my own lived experience and

seeing a lot of, resources and
media around Aging baby boomers.

And yep, it's a really huge
generation.

And yes, all of those issues are
relevant.

And then people would like skip
over Gen X and then talk about

the millennials.

And I was like, Hey, you know,
uh, 65 million of us.

It can't possibly be a forgotten
generation.

And where are the resources for
aging Gen Xers?

And where are the books and
where are the courses?

And I just didn't see them.

And it got me more interested in
seeing what my cohort was up to

and trying to figure it out.

Because.

What we're heading into is so
vastly different from what our

parents experienced and what the
boomers are experiencing, too.

Kathleen Mundy: this is going to
be really interesting for me

because I have a Gen Xer as one
of my kids and sometimes it's

difficult to understand how
certain conversations find kind

of common ground because there's
a different, absolutely a

different outlook.

So I'm excited about this as
well.

Yes.

Not just for a personal
approach, but certainly there's,

I quite frankly didn't know
there was so many.

I'm shocked.

Yasmin Nguyen: and I've noticed
at least from my peers as well

too, there, there's a certain
unique experience that us Gen

Xers are having as it re, as it
relates to this concept of

retirement and.

That and what's coming up.

And I'm curious, Shelley, what
are some of the things that

you've noticed that Gen Xers are
uniquely experiencing that may

be different from some of the
boomers, or maybe the

millennials that are a little
bit further away from retirement

Shelley McIntyre: Well, first
their financial reality is

different.

a lot of Gen Xers are looking at
their own finances and thinking

I can't just stop like my
parents did.

So they need to get creative to
have some kind of income stream

as they head into their later
years.

So financial reality is one big
difference from the boomers.

they might share that reality
with millennials who right now

can hardly buy a house.

so that is changing very
rapidly.

And another is that they still
feel so young and vibrant.

And not, I'm not saying that the
boomers don't feel young and

vibrant because I think many of
them do.

But, I don't even know if I feel
like a full fledged adult yet,

and I'm about to be 55.

So, the idea of stopping seems
ridiculous to a lot of people in

this generation.

They still have a ton of energy,
they have creative spirit, they

feel connected to pop culture
and everything that's going on.

And so heading into, a life of
leisure.

Seems off brand for the Gen
Xers.

Kathleen Mundy: that's an
important point, but many of

these Gen Xers were also raised
with the idea of career loyalty.

And as they experienced multiple
economic downturns, job

insecurity, shifting retirement
landscapes, how has that shaped

their view outside of the
financial aspect?

Shelley McIntyre: Oh yeah, so I
think a lot of the Gen Xers have

the experience, the lived
experience of learning that

loyalty in the corporate world
flows only one way.

And that's from employee to
employer.

And the party that benefits in
that scheme is the employer.

They go through these layoffs.

And they have these jolts of
realizing, Oh, all of my loyalty

didn't pay off.

It wasn't actually valued in the
end because these are economic

reasons that companies are doing
shufflings and restructurings.

So if my loyalty doesn't count
for anything, who else could I

be loyal to?

Like if I have this.

The spirit of loyalty in my
heart.

Could I turn that around and be
loyal to who I am at my core as

I make my decisions for the
future?

Kathleen Mundy: Wow.

I understand my daughter more
now.

Shelley McIntyre: Say more about
that.

Kathleen Mundy: I've been asking
her about retirement and she

quite frankly is your age.

And she, what I hear is, Oh no,
the company needs me.

And I'm thinking, my gosh, I
don't know that the company is

needing you to the extent that
they couldn't live or manage

without you.

And she's worked so hard.

her entire life and she's
youthful as you are.

And she, yeah, that pop culture
really resonated when you

mentioned that, because that is
who she is.

And now they're looking at
buying a home in Florence,

Italy.

And she's just, she's got so
much enthusiasm, but energy as

well.

And yet I worry.

there's you don't have to be old
to help to have health issues,

and she has a little bit of
that, but now that you've said

that, you know, it makes me
ponder what our next

conversation might be.

So I, that's really interesting.

That's very helpful.

I appreciate that.

Shelley McIntyre: Yeah.

Yasmin Nguyen: along the same
vein, Shelley, how do you help

guide?

clients that have that loyalty
mindset and how do you help

them, having those conversations

Shelley McIntyre: I think the
first thing is to acknowledge

that when we step away from
something with this strange

sensation that our loyalty
wasn't valued, we've been

discarded.

When we're talking to people who
have been through a big

transition, let's say they've
gotten laid off or they've left

a job that they were very.

Loyal to for a long time, they
go through a grieving process

and acknowledging that it is
actually grief that they're

experiencing is a really
important first step because

they've experienced a loss of
autonomy of feeling really good

at something and a lot of
relationships and that's like a

triple whammy loss.

Those are the three.

Core pillars of what we need to
feel content as human beings.

So we really go back to
foundation, like the foundation

level when I work with clients
of what did you lose?

What are you going to miss?

What are you not going to miss?

And who are you now?

Who are you now outside of the
context of that corporate world?

Because we all like, I used to
call it work drag.

we have this persona.

That we adopt and maybe our
eyebrows are a little higher and

maybe we speak in a lilt at work
that we don't use with our

friends outside of work.

So can we start dropping the
mask even though that mask was

very protective, can we start
disintegrating it a little to

get back to who we are at our
core before we try to embark in

something new?

Because if we bring the mask
with us to our next activity, we

won't have fully processed
what's happened.

We won't have fully gone through
the grieving process that we

need to.

and we'll bring some of that
baggage from the old world into

the new world.

And that's not helpful, because
your pain waits for you.

It'll come up at some point.

So you might as well start
dealing with it as soon as

possible.

Kathleen Mundy: when you're
talking about how they see

themselves, what kind of
limiting beliefs do you see that

they have most often?

Shelley McIntyre: Well, one of
them.

and this really goes for people
who are leaving corporate is

that their value as a person is
connected to a title or status.

Or a company.

And if they are, if they don't
have that VP title anymore, or

they're not affiliated with some
fancy consulting firm, then

they're just taking up space.

So I see that as a real limiting
belief that they need to figure

out their value outside of.

Their corporate identities,
which is all made up anyway,

right?

All the titles are made up all
the status, all the hierarchy.

It's all made up.

So when they can figure out that
it was all made up and that just

by.

Being alive on this beautiful
earth, they are valuable human

beings and can do a million
things.

Then the world opens up to them.

So that's one limiting belief.

another is I'm too old to start
over and age ain't nothing but a

number.

And What is 55 to me now looked
really different than 55 for my

mom.

we look at like statistics of
who's starting up the most

successful businesses and it's
people in their forties and

fifties.

Those are the ones that are more
likely to succeed because people

are coming in with experience
and wisdom.

Yasmin Nguyen: Shelley, you
mentioned a little bit earlier

about the losses that people
experience.

And I believe in our Previous
conversations, you mentioned you

had a background in grief.

Is that correct?

Shelley McIntyre: Yeah, after I
left consulting, I was really

looking for where meaningful,
important conversations were

happening.

Because I felt like in
consulting, we were skipping

over the important stuff a lot
of times.

And when I went out and started
doing some research about these

important conversations, I, Very
quickly found the death care

community and people who are
working in death care innovation

and funeral directors and grief
coaches and I was like, oh, hang

on a second.

I think there's a connection
here So I decided to leave

consulting and the first thing I
did was get training as a grief

coach to really fully understand
how grief Beyond death works and

how You know, the process that
grievers go through as they

grapple with losing something
important to them, whether that

was a person a relationship with
somebody who's still living,

it's all the same.

And I think we discount.

this aspect of grief when we're
going through transformations or

transitions, grief is part of
every single one.

Even a marriage, like even
getting married, even good

stuff.

You're losing something.

you're, losing a piece of
autonomy.

You're losing your old routines.

You're losing the house that
bugged you, but you were still

so familiar with it.

There's something that's
changing that we need to look at

really clearly and say, I miss
you, I love you, I forgive you,

I want to apologize for
something, like there's a little

process that we can all go
through in order to be ready for

what's next.

Yasmin Nguyen: Wow, that's
really profound, Shelly.

you've really helped expand the
impact of grief because so often

we think of grief as losing
someone.

And especially, folks in the
boomer generation, really it's,

so many of us are losing close
friends and relatives as well.

But what you've expanded, this
impact of grief to our, not only

our identity, but so many other
way and areas, it's such an

important perspective to, to
notice how, we have an

opportunity to honor and to let
go of, experiences and

relationships and things in life
that, have, moved to the next

stage.

Shelley McIntyre: Yeah.

Yeah.

And there's this myth about
finding closure.

we never find closure.

People are always with us.

These situations have become
part of us.

They get wired into our DNA into
who we are.

We can find a sense of
completion.

With jobs and people and
situations and places.

but the idea that we're going to
just close it out and move on.

It's not a thing.

It's not a thing.

Everything is all always stays
with us.

Yasmin Nguyen: Shelly, when we
think about the planning process

for Gen Xers, what have you seen
to be the most important things

to consider when planning this
particular phase?

Shelley McIntyre: number one is
always what aspects of your

health have you ignored for the
last little while, because.

When people are coming out of
the corporate world or a long

career, they might shake
themselves off and realize, Oh,

my knees are shot or I've have
forgotten to exercise for the

last 10 years.

if we're rebuilding the
foundation of a house here, we

have to start with the core,
the, your body.

so planning starts.

at home and your first home is
your body.

So I always ask about health and
then also for the planning and

the foundation building aspect,
we go back to core values and

the essence of who you are and
what strengths that you're

bringing, because people need to
be shored up a little bit in

this time of transition before
they can even start planning

something new.

They might be smarting from
losing a job and feeling like

they don't have a lot to offer
the world heading forward.

So we need to build up those
stores, before they start going

off and planning.

So health, your values.

your essence of who you are at
your very best.

And then who are the supporters
around you who are going to help

you through this?

Because that social circle also
needs to be there.

And A lot of people have this
rude awakening after they leave

careers that they don't hear
from their work friends anymore.

And that is another loss.

They thought these people that
they worked side by side with

for years and years were their
close friends.

And as soon as they leave the
job, it's crickets.

That's a super difficult moment
for people when they realize.

Oh, I've been neglecting my
friends outside of work because

I had been relying on my work
people for that social

interaction that I needed
through happy hours and hanging

out at the office and, the water
cooler conversations.

All that's gone now, and they
have to rebuild that social

network as well.

this is all part of the
foundational work that needs to

happen before you can start
figuring out, Oh, I'm going to

start a company, I'm going to
write a book, I'm going to do

whatever I'm going to do.

Yasmin Nguyen: Yeah, that's so
common for people to focus on,

what am I going to do in
retirement versus the

foundational?

piece that you talk about, which
is the physical piece, and then

also the emotional and the
relationship components there.

and then exploring, what is it
that I'm going to do?

So it's backwards in some ways.

Kathleen Mundy: Okay, I do have
a question.

What was the biggest
misconception about Gen Xers

retirement that you wish more
people understood?

Shelley McIntyre: think there
was a misconception that it

would look really similar to
their parents retirement because

they grew up with that model,
watching their parents get

older, watching their.

Grandparents have a very clear
like now we stop moment and I

think there was an assumption as
Gen Xers came up that, that

would be something that would
happen to them as well.

And then I think they started
grappling with the.

I don't want to go on cruises,
but I don't want to golf.

So what does that mean for
retirement for us?

If we don't want to do the
things that our parents did.

And so then they had to go into
this innovation moment of, okay,

if we're throwing out that
script of retirement means

moving to the villages in
Florida and just having dinner

parties and golfing, if we can
throw that out.

Then what opens up for us
because there's no precedent,

we're inventing this, and we
have to keep being vibrant and

healthy for this extended
lifespan that we have.

So what do we get to do?

It's not like a, what do we have
to do now?

What do we get to do?

And I think that's a big shift
and a change of conception for

Gen Xers.

Kathleen Mundy: You bring up a
good point.

And Shelly, just expanding on
that, can you relate a story for

us, for me specifically, because
I'm trying to understand my

daughter.

when you were working with
someone, can you just give us

some idea of what their story
might have been and how it

unfolded with your guidance?

Shelley McIntyre: Yeah, I work
with a client who was running

her own design business for over
20 years.

And, running your own business
can be really exhausting.

And everything is on you.

You're the provider of all of
the work.

And she was just getting burned
out.

And She wasn't like old enough
to retire yet.

She's still Gen X.

She's still got a lot of working
years ahead of her, but she

needed something dramatically
different to happen.

And as we dug into like her
value system and her identity

and what, if she could wave a
magic wand, what would she be

doing instead?

And she was just like, all I
want to do is ride my bike and

dance because she was a amateur
ballroom dancer.

She had started dancing when she
was 48 and it's all she wanted

to do.

Her work was annoying her.

She wanted to set it aside.

And so we started what if you
could do that?

what if we could work toward you
spending all your time riding

your bike and dancing?

And she realized in the course
of our work together, Oh, I have

all this experience as a graphic
designer and a writer.

I know a lot about dance.

I'm an excellent researcher.

And she thought.

Do I need to like, maybe I
should share my knowledge with

others.

And she ended up writing a book
about how to get into ballroom

dance for middle aged women,
essentially.

And it was everything from how
to do the makeup to where to buy

the shoes to etiquette on the
dance floor.

Like this whole guide, we worked
together for a year over the

course of her.

Conceiving of this book and
publishing it,

Kathleen Mundy: Wow.

Shelley McIntyre: it was a great
exercise for her because she

really got to dive into what she
truly loved, what brought her a

lot of energy and passion and.

the funny thing about it is that
once she was done with the book,

it ignited this new energy for
the business.

And so now she's taking the
business in a slightly different

direction where it's not all on
her anymore.

She's bringing in help.

She's getting people on board to
work with her so that she can

optimize the time that she's
spending on the business and

ride her bike and dance more.

things are not going to unfold
as people expect, but if they're

willing to cast off some
narrative of how it's supposed

to go and try stuff like get
squishy and creative and weird.

All these new avenues open up
for people where they don't

expect them to.

Kathleen Mundy: Quite frankly, I
think what you're, you've

touched on is an amazing void.

For a lot of people, how do we
help them?

How do we give them the tools,
the framework, you probably have

found some of those that are
very helpful in this

transformational period that
they're going.

Can you reflect on some of those
for

Shelley McIntyre: Yeah, really
the core ones that I use are a

values exercise.

I really like the Brene Brown
values explorer exercise that

and I take.

almost every client through it,
where they really get down to

the core set of values.

and Brene has a great kind of
bonus exercise that she calls

the BS detector, where you look
at these values and you say, how

do you walk the walk of the
values?

Like, how do you actually, it
can't just be an idea that you

like.

How do you live it?

because personal values aren't
just ideas, they're tie breakers

and helpers to when you have to
make major decision in your

life.

can you choose the side that
reinforces your values?

And if you do that every time,
you're going to end up in a more

authentic life.

Life that feels where you feel
the most like yourself.

So that values exercises one, an
essence exercise that my coach

did with me on our very first
day together that I now do with

all of my clients is.

we are, we don't necessarily,
we're not the best self

reporters of our essence like
the qualities that shine through

when we're working at our best,
who knows about that?

The people who love us.

Our closest friends are family
members.

So we go through this exercise
where you, as the client, you

ask other people in your life,
how would you describe me when

I'm operating at my best?

And what the clients find just
through the asking is they get

this mirror back of this.

Beautiful side of them where
their friends and their family

members are saying, you are so
generous and thoughtful.

Your joy about things really
shines through when you love an

idea, you want to tell everybody
about it.

So they get all of this material
back.

And I take that and mung it down
to five words.

Five essence words and then that
becomes another guide for us as

we're working together if you
could you know, you've got this

conflict or you have this
decision if you could show up as

the full creative generous
caring joyful person that you

are What would you do next?

And it's a reminder, like we, we
go through these cycles, right?

Where we have days or weeks or
months where we're feeling like,

Oh, I'm not worthy.

This is, I'm not good at
anything.

And that essence is a touch
point.

remember who you are, and not
only who you are at your core,

but what other people see and
you have received evidence for.

This is an evidence based
approach.

So we can't just write off our
essence.

If we can embody that essence in
these moments, choose on the

side of our values.

We're going to be on a better
path.

Yasmin Nguyen: That's such a
powerful process, Shelly.

it goes counter to so many
decades of work in life where

we're in this reactive,
responsive to our environments

and expectations.

And here we've carved out this
space and time to do some deep

reflection to know who we are
and where we are and based on

our values to then determine
What to do next, what our

alignment is and really getting
that important clarity.

And it sounds like that's a
process that you really help

take people through to, to
determine what their North star

is in many ways.

Shelley McIntyre: Yeah.

And it's, it's not a one player
game here, right?

When we do the essence exercise,
that's inherently relational.

It's not just who am I alone in
my room?

Who am I when I'm with you or
when I'm.

With you because it's different,
right?

when people reflect on who we
are at our best, one person, one

of my friends is going to report
certain things about me that she

experiences and another former
work colleague is going to

reflect back really different
aspects, but they're both true,

I think that's another
misconception.

We have all of this media about
being your authentic self,

right?

So we're awash in kind of this
pressure to be authentic and

everybody has to find their
authenticity and bring your

whole self to work.

We have multiple authentic
selves.

We contain multitudes.

There is not one true way to be.

I am my authentic self with my
brother, but I'm also my

authentic self with my friend
Carol.

My personality is slightly
different.

What we talk about is slightly
different, the way that we

operate in the world, but
they're both true.

So I think This pressure that
people get to bring your

authentic self to each situation
and be that one authentic

straight line person is not true
because we have authenticity in

so many different relationships.

But understanding the core of
that, if we can tap into our

essence and our values, can put
us on alert for when

inauthenticity is creeping in.

Or we're finding that mask is
going back on and our eyebrows

are raising again and we're,
operating a foot out from our

faces.

It helps us ground back into
that foundation that spawns a

hundred authentic selves.

Yasmin Nguyen: That's a really
important distinction.

Thank you for sharing that
Shelley.

Kathleen Mundy: That's so
impactful.

I can't believe how much I've
learned through our

conversation.

and I'm wondering, if you could
give Gen Xers a piece of advice

to prepare for this journey that
they're about to be on at some

point in their life, what would
that be?

Shelley McIntyre: find your
people.

Really, this is not a solo
adventure.

We all need support people
around us.

It's not who you used to work
with.

I'll tell you that right now.

It's not them.

maybe you made a friend that
will continue through that, the

transformation that you're about
to go on.

But it's more likely the people
that you have outside of work,

let them know.

What's going on with you?

Be honest, because putting on a
brave face and just hunkering

down and getting through is not
helping you, get the support you

need.

And it's not helping your
friends understand how to

support you and be there for you
because they want to.

gather your people.

and nurture those relationships,
proximity and consistency are

friends here.

So it's, it might sound
counterintuitive as a planning

step, but paying attention to
your support system and paying

attention to your health is
ground zero for that.

Yasmin Nguyen: Shelley, as
people are looking for.

their people, is there anything
in particular that they want to

be mindful of to at least be
able to identify and notice

that, Hey, this might be one of
my people.

Shelley McIntyre: Yeah, there's
a tool that I often use called

the ladder of trust.

And that was created by a
therapist named Elizabeth

Kupferman.

And It's a really handy tool
where there is a ladder between

you and everybody else, and as
you climb the ladder, when you

rise, you're going up in
intimacy and the way you climb

that ladder is through behavior
only.

Never words.

So let's say that I'm making a
new friend, my new friend

Yasmin, and I say, Hey, do you
want to get coffee?

And Yasmin says, Oh yeah, coffee
sounds great.

I'll call you.

And Yasmin never calls me.

We have not gone up a rung.

we have stayed down here, but if
I think that we have gone up a

rung in the ladder of trust, and
I think, oh yeah, because Yasmin

said that he wants to get
coffee, we're better friends

now.

and then I might escalate, Hey
Yasmin, I know we didn't get

together for coffee, but how
about a movie?

And Yasmin says, Oh yeah, great,
I'll call you.

And I might think, Oh great, now
he wants to see a movie.

So we've gone up the ladder of
trust toward intimacy.

But Yasmin hasn't actually moved
at all, he's still down here.

If I start getting resentful
About Yasmin not showing up and

I'm feeling pain about that.

That's all on me.

The space between the rungs.

is pain, and I am responsible
for that if I have risen without

somebody else.

So if Yasmin calls me and says,
Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

I've been so busy.

Let's go to a movie tomorrow.

I bought the tickets.

See you there.

And he shows up.

up he comes.

So it, we rise through these
ladders.

And the goal isn't to have every
single person, at the top rung,

right?

We need people at every rung of
the ladder of trust.

Like you've got friends that you
see for coffee once every six

months and that's, and you have
other friends that you see

really consistently that you
play pickleball with, that you

hang out, that you go to a book
club with, and that's fine.

Trouble comes when we have these
imbalanced relationships where

we're giving a lot more than
we're receiving.

Or we're receiving and we are
actually like, they're great,

but they're a lot, right?

So paying attention to where
your relations, relationships

land on this ladder of trust.

Just keep an eye on it because
you it takes a long time to

really make a friend.

there's this great book called
platonic that talks about adult

friendships and the author.

The author says.

Through research that it takes
about 200 hours of time together

to really form a solid lasting
friendship.

200 hours is a lot of time and
Are you willing to invest that

in somebody who's going to go to
the top of that ladder with you,

or are you okay having people at
slightly less contact, slightly

less intimacy, but we need
people in our environments that

we see consistently that we talk
to on a regular basis, to get

through whatever transition is
coming next.

We can't do it alone.

Kathleen Mundy: Oh, that's
beautiful.

Yasmin Nguyen: Shelly, you've
shared so many incredible

insights and tools and, I'm
curious, how can our listeners

connect with you and learn more
about your work?

Shelley McIntyre: Thank you for
asking.

I mainly write on LinkedIn and
so you can find me.

I'm Shelly McIntyre on LinkedIn
and my website is

shellymcintyre.

com and I've started to post a
little bit on Blue Sky, but I'm

not totally there yet.

So LinkedIn and the website are
the primary.

Yasmin Nguyen: Great.

We'll make sure to include those
in the show notes so people can

connect with you directly then.

any final thoughts as we wrap up
our conversation today?

Shelley McIntyre: I love what
focus you two have on kind of

reinvention, the reinvention
aspect of retirement.

So I really love what you're
doing.

I encourage you to keep going.

And, the more Gen X folks that
we can all reach and say, we see

you, you are not the forgotten
generation, the better shape

we're all going to be in.

Kathleen Mundy: yeah, I'm almost
speechless, which never happens,

but, I am so I'm just so
thrilled that we had this

conversation.

you've provided so much deep
information and.

introspective, tools and thought
processes.

I've really appreciated it.

It's been a

Shelley McIntyre: Thank you so
much.

I really had a good time.

Yasmin Nguyen: yeah, thank you
Shelly for tying the bow and

bringing all the pieces
together.

Cause I think the initial
intention was to explore what

was unique about the Gen X and
you've definitely shared that.

And also you've also shown how.

Regardless of what generation
you're in, we all experience a

similar type of journey and
there are some valuable and

important opportunities for
support and guidance along the

way and that you are doing that
magnificent work that's really

helping so many people.

So I'm just so grateful that we
get a chance to share this with

everyone.

Shelley McIntyre: Thanks so
much.

Yasmin Nguyen: Awesome.

Thank you for taking the time to
join us today.

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