From Heartbreak to Healing: Tessa’s Leap from South Africa to Ireland

After a painful heartbreak, South African medical doctor Tessa found herself searching for more than just a fresh start—she was searching for herself. In this soul-stirring episode, she opens up about the unexpected path that led her to Ireland, the emotional weight of leaving home, and the slow, powerful process of rebuilding a life in a new land.

Through laughter, vulnerability, and truth, Tessa reminds us that sometimes the most life-changing journeys begin when everything falls apart.

🎧 Tune in as we discuss:
✨ Healing through heartbreak — how a fresh start in Ireland helped Tessa rediscover herself
✨ The quiet courage of leaving home and beginning again, far from everything familiar
✨ Building community and connection as an international in a new land
✨ Navigating identity shifts, evolving values, and the beauty of unexpected friendships
✨ The emotional highs and lows of working in medicine across two very different health systems

🔔 Don’t forget to subscribe for more expat stories!

★ Support this podcast ★

What is The Galway Gal?

Have you ever dreamed of packing up and moving abroad? Join a spirited Southern gal turned expat as she dives into the journey of building a life in a new culture. Through heartfelt stories, interviews, and a healthy dose of humor, explore the ups and downs of finding community, adapting, evolving, creating a new life far from home, all while staying true to your roots. Whether you’re an aspiring globetrotter, solo traveller, digital nomad or just curious about life on the other side of the world, this podcast will leave you laughing, reflecting, and inspired to explore the beauty of embracing new cultures.

- Tessa, you've been here for five years now.

- Yeah.

- I'd ask you, what brought you to Ireland?

- I anticipated this question,

and I thought long and hard about whether I'd answer truthfully

because I know in our storytelling evening,

I said that kind of the sense of adventure brought me to Ireland.

But I think actually the truth is,

I know you came here for love

and your previous guest also said she moved to Ireland for love.

But I actually think I definitely moved to Ireland

after a terrible heartbreak.

And I think I was trying to escape

kind of escape a heartbreak in South Africa

and forging you start and luckily I did.

But yeah, so I think that is ultimately why I left

and why I came to Ireland.

I know it's good for it.

- Yeah, most people see a similar story,

I moved here for love and you actually moved here

to get away from heart break.

- Yeah.

- I think I forged a new start.

- What can I, I guess I can,

what I asked, what has actually kept you here in Ireland?

- Yeah, that's an interesting one.

So I really loved being here my first couple of years.

I learned so much, I guess about myself.

I was traveling a lot.

I really enjoyed that aspect as well.

My family live in the UK

and quite a few of my friends live in the UK as well.

And so really, I guess what kept me in Ireland is

that I kind of foresee a future here,

kind of future in the side of the world.

And I really, yeah, enjoyed myself.

I feel very safe and secure here.

I've loved my new lifestyle here.

And so I think it's where I really see myself going forward.

- In originally, you're from South Africa, correct?

- Yeah.

- So it's a long journey talking about different climate,

different types of things.

I guess a different way of life as well.

How have you been able to kind of acclimate

to living in Irish country?

- Yeah, so the way that's an interesting one

and actually, I think it pays a much bigger role

than people actually give a credit for.

So for myself, definitely, I can feel such a difference

at around this time of the year,

this spring time of the year when the days get much longer.

And I just feel like a completely new person

and kind of back to my old self, as I would say.

So I don't think one actually realises

how much the weather affects kind of the psyche

and all of those type of things

because I can really feel very miserable

in the long cold dark days in winter.

And even when it just, even if it's light,

but it just rains for two weeks,

it really does get you down

and somehow the locals just seem to cope with it.

But I feel like I cope with it a little bit less well.

I don't think I've coped that well with the weather

or a climateising to it.

But you do learn to enjoy other aspects of it.

You learn to, I guess, make hay when the sun shines

and enjoy the long evenings during summertime

because they really are amazing.

When it only gets dark at 10 p.m.,

it's like those are really a fun, special evenings.

And then sometimes you just have to embrace the cold dark evenings

at Christmas time and enjoy those kind of snaggy moments

with the chocolates and all of those kind of things.

And just being so far from home,

is there a way that you feel like you've probably made

any kind of connections

or we've had an opportunity to build a community here

with maybe other South Africans

and maybe other international.

Yeah, so I definitely feel that it's been easier

to make friends with other international people

or even other South Africans

than I've personally found it to make friends

with Irish locals,

which is not to say that the Irish locals haven't been

exceptionally friendly because they have

and they've been amazing.

But I do think when you're older,

friendship circles are already formed

and so it's a lot easier to kind of make friends

with people who I guess are also outsiders.

I was very fortunate where I originally worked,

which is up in letter Kenny in Donegal.

There's quite a big South African community there

and so I made some great friends there

and I'm still in contact with them,

although most of us have moved on to different places now

but we still keep in contact.

I've made a few kind of other international friends as well

which is really great.

It means that there's always a bed

in a few different countries in Europe

and it's really a great part of traveling and relocating

I think is making international friends.

A part of that journey of making international friends,

how do you find it maybe keeping in contact

or sort of holding on to friendships

that you might have had back home?

How's that been for you?

It's always difficult holding on to friendships back home,

especially at this stage of life.

I think when everyone's got something different going on

and I think as you know families demand a lot of attention

and it does change friendships quite a lot.

So I think those aspects make it difficult.

I'm very fortunate in that two of my very best friends

that I grew up with currently in Linden

and so I see them very regularly.

We still keep in good contact the majority of the friends

but definitely it's not any distance

that changes a friendship or changes friendships.

I think the commonalities change as we get older.

I don't know, you sometimes start to wonder

if you'd be friends, if you hadn't been at the same school

when you were younger, these type of things

which are not nasty things, they just,

you think about them but ultimately I'm very fortunate

that I have a great group of friends

and it seems that no matter how long time passes,

we'll always be able to reconnect

and I think that's the most important thing.

It's just that you can have periods of time

where you kind of lose grip on that original friendship

but I think the people who were there

from the very beginning kind of will always be there.

You're seeing the dynamics have probably changed

a little bit obviously because of space and time

but as far as the connections,

I guess no matter where you are,

and they're always pretty solid.

- Yeah, I think for the majority of things,

I think if there was any kind of big issues,

they always, the people you would at least want to know

what want to be involved first and foremost

or you know would support you

or you know you could go to, I think,

other than your family, I guess.

But yeah, definitely friendships change

and it is really hard.

There's things that you just don't have in common anymore.

Even small things like your Netflix is different.

Even between, yeah, even I guess between here and the UK

when I talk about my friends in the UK,

your Netflix is different.

So you're watching different TV programs,

you're looking at different content on Instagram.

There's just the fashion is different,

the seasons are different.

So it's just so difficult to, I guess, keep up

and stay on the same page and just stay relevant to each other,

I think.

- Would you say some of your friends that you've made here

kind of have been, I'd say, I don't know,

I'd say promoted to kind of being friends

that you would consider close friends,

like some of your friends back home,

even though you probably didn't go to school with them

or things like that.

But there's some friendships or bonds

that can be made that can kind of grow into something.

- Yeah, I think definitely there's

friendships that you make as you're, when you're older,

also different friendships.

Like I think you can sometimes share different things

with those, with those friends.

And as I said, as I, as you know,

I had quite a conservative upbringing.

So those are kind of, that was a very core,

I guess, foundation in my group of friends.

And so making new friends who didn't have that foundation

has been quite eye-opening to me.

And I guess I've made friends that maybe wouldn't have had

the same kind of conservative background I had.

And then we could have different conversations,

which has been really fun and really an enjoyable experience

as well.

I've really enjoyed that.

So it just opens your worldview tremendously, I think.

- For sure.

I grew conservative too.

So I would be kind of of the same kind of, you know,

meeting people, I would say that probably be a little bit

more liberal and challenge some of the things

I would have been raised to believe.

And I think it is good because you said it opens up conversation.

It allows you to see a different perspective.

And just let you know that the world probably isn't just

so black and white.

- And isn't as evil as you thought it was.

- And I know people are so good people

in all of these type of things.

- Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

Would you say you're still kind of honed on

even though you've traveled, you've lived in different places?

Would you say you still hold on to some of those

conservative values though,

even living in the world you live in today

and the environment that you live in today?

- That's an interesting question.

That's very interesting.

Yeah, I would say no.

And yes, I think I've,

I would definitely not consider myself conservative

when I was a lot younger.

But I think as I'm getting older,

I'm definitely earning on the more conservative side,

which is quite interesting.

But there's many aspects of me that aren't conservative at all.

And I would generally consider myself quite liberal.

But as I'm getting older,

there's certain things that I personally see

quite black and white,

which I feel has nothing to do with the way I was raised.

So I think that's an interesting question.

And one of that's kind of, I guess, comes up.

- Yeah, yeah.

I know, sometimes you think like some things

I would've grown up on and like,

oh, yeah, I don't know if I really understand

the world to be that way,

but you're right, probably growing up and like,

oh, maybe I can see why someone would kind of lean towards

a certain side.

I mean, again, just being accepting

of different beliefs and ideals,

but still kind of having your own core belief.

- I think it's also difficult these days

because I think everyone's trying to force you,

or not you, everyone's trying to force you

so black and white into conservative or liberal.

There's, it's very difficult to just be like,

well, just kind of in the middle or,

you know, so I also don't wanna label myself

as anything on that front because I don't think

I really fit into either of the categories

and I'm prone to change and I have different views

and different issues, I think.

- I think in America, we'd say you're more moderate than

if you're not considered liberal, yeah.

We're not gonna get into politics.

- No, not in politics.

- Not in American politics, especially.

Actually, talk about your work here

and what you're doing and maybe hard you get into

the career path that you chose.

- Yeah, so I'm a medical doctor and yeah,

I got into, I wanted to be a doctor when I was very young,

actually after I watched quite a big humanitarian crisis,

I think it might have been the tsunami or something like that

and I decided I wanted to be a doctor.

So I studied medicine, which was really interesting

and fun and rewarding in South Africa.

I did my internship and community service there as well,

which was some of the best days of my life,

actually in hindsight, I really enjoyed it.

Yeah, and it was hard, it was really tough as well.

There's a lot of things that I think about in hindsight

that I'm just like, oh my god, that was terrible.

But yeah, I opened up many doors and one of them

was the opportunity to travel.

So I moved to Ireland on a work visa to work as a doctor

and yeah, that's what I'm doing.

In general surgery now, I do quite a lot of teaching

as well, the medical students.

So I really enjoy it and yeah.

- I'm sure it's very rewarding career path for sure.

- Yeah, it's ups and downs.

- It's ups and downs is a career path, I think.

But yeah, I think it's definitely something I love.

And it's also very different working here

to working in South Africa.

So that's been a great opportunity for me to just learn

a different way of, I guess, the way the system works

and all of these type of things.

I just see the resources that people have over here

is insane compared to what we have, I guess, in South Africa.

So all of these things have been great eye openness

and great learning opportunities for me.

- Would you have sort of, I guess,

the similar kind of social, I don't wanna say,

is it social welfare, like are the insurance no?

- No, so I think, so in South Africa,

there's a very well established private sector,

which is insurance, I guess, would be like the American system.

And then there's a public sector, which is the public sector,

but it's not the HSC or NHS here are much better run

than the public sector in South Africa.

So you would still rather be in the HSC or the NHS

than in the public sector in South Africa.

So which, I don't know if I should say that one,

the camera actually, but like, yeah.

So, yeah, it's not ideal.

But the system here is great.

- The American one.

- The American one.

- The American one.

- Yeah, the system here.

I know there's a lot of complaints about it,

but it works very well from my experience.

And for the majority of cases,

patients get great care and great treatment.

I think in comparison to somewhere like South Africa

where there is no welfare system,

where patients are really, it's a really shocking system.

So I think that's been a great learning curve as well.

- Would you see yourself doing medicine outside of Ireland

or anywhere else?

We're able to see this perspective

and that you like it.

Would you be open to doing it anywhere else?

Are you happy with working like you said

with the HSC or the NHS system?

- Yeah, look, I would be open to any kind of opportunities

and career growth, it's always important.

I don't think I particularly want to go back

to working in medicine in South Africa.

It's just very different.

I would certainly prefer to stay in a system like this

as it goes for now, but yeah, I would enjoy learning

somewhere else.

And on the flip side also, and I do encourage all my SHOs

and my interns that if they have the opportunity

to go to a place like South Africa, they actually should

and do a couple of months as an elective there

because it's a really great place for exposure

and hands on learning and you really get a great training

that's tough.

So, well, no, that's interesting to hear.

And that's a nice perspective.

You see, to see the difference and to probably give you that balance.

- Yeah.

- In the way you approach, I guess, healthcare.

I wouldn't talk to you about just going back to your family.

Your parents are in London, you say it, right?

- Well, no, they're not talking about you.

- Oh, no, I mean, sorry.

- They're in the UK.

Most international people that live abroad,

they probably wouldn't have their family

so close to their doorstep.

Do you think that's made a difference in your experience?

I would say of moving abroad and...

- Yeah, I think it's been really helpful in quite a few ways.

So, one of the ways in which it's been helpful is that

quite a lot of young people in South Africa are immigrating

and I think certainly some of my peers

don't want to immigrate because they don't want to leave

their older parents alone.

And I even see this, we discuss it quite a lot in Ireland

as well, the kids want to go to Australia

but they don't want to leave their older parents by themselves.

So, and which it is a tough thing to do.

And so, I feel quite fortunate that my parents

kind of went ahead of me and us as siblings.

So, they didn't ever leave that stress on us.

It was like they're going first

and then it was up to us to do the rest.

So, there was no concern of leaving the elderly parents

at home, not that they're elderly, but, you know,

so that was the one positive thing.

And then it was really helpful having them over here.

So, I came over during COVID.

So, the first month or couple of months we couldn't travel

but then there was the common travel area

between the UK and Ireland

and my parents actually came and helped me unpack

and they brought over a bunch of kitchen things

and it was really helpful and I guess a bit cushy.

They could just kind of help the burden

or like decrease the load a little bit.

So, yeah, made a big difference.

And I guess they also just know the way things work

a little bit better and help me set up,

so help me set up some of the basic things I needed to do.

And then I guess also it's just nice having your family

so close and like your own bedroom, like my own,

like I just go home and my parents make me tea in the morning.

And you know, so, yeah, it was definitely helped

with the burden a lot and also just I guess my mum and I

would message quite a lot and have,

and you know, when we could have carried each other

because it is tough as you know, sometimes especially

in those long rainy days and then we can both

sympathize with each other.

So, no, that's for sure.

Like you say, I can definitely understand

like your parents are getting older.

Like you want to be there for those years,

you want to be able to help them out.

Just that even my own experience, my parents, I mean,

luckily it's like, you know, probably nine hour total flight

to get back home from me to Houston.

I know, South Africa could be like what?

- Yeah, 12 to 13 hours.

- 12 to 13 hours, yeah.

So nice to have them in close proximity.

And I think now to a technology face time

and you know, has made it a lot easier, made it a lot helpful.

It's a kind of like ease that, but yeah,

I think, you know, it is nice to have them as so close.

- Definitely, I know, you know, we spoke,

well, I spoke about having such a familiar childhood,

I mean, everything, I knew everyone,

we were very like a close knit community

and very much in each other's space and in each other's business.

But there are, there are pros to that situation

and I think there are pros to having parents

who really love and care about you

and ultimately having, being able to go abroad

and knowing that you have support

and knowing that you can, you're not gonna fail miserably

and you know, have to catch the next flight back

or something like that.

Like you just have that support.

It makes a huge difference, I think.

And even just having that support of someone saying,

you can do it like it's only another year

or it's only six months, till Christmas.

Or it's just these small things make a big difference.

- No, no.

I actually feel that I'm actually a lot closer to my parents.

- Yeah.

- Even though we're a lot farther away,

but there is something about like just, yeah,

that distance that is like,

even from my time living in New York that I feel that,

yeah, me and my mom, we used to butt heads growing up

but like now she's like my best friend.

- Yeah, no, I call her every day.

Same with my dad too, you know,

it's like, it's brought us a lot closer

and it's nice too that they can come visit

and yeah, help to kind of decrease that time.

I just wanna go back to the expat experience

'cause yeah, five years, it's a long time.

You know, when you think about it being in a place

so far from home from like, you know, what you know.

And if someone is just thinking about moving,

not saying even if they're here for like school

to learn English or something,

is there any like little piece of advice you can share

to maybe help make that experience maybe a little bit more

sweeter or for island specifically?

- Island specifically or anywhere in general

if you have something you could share

that might have helped you in those early days.

- Yeah, I think for me actually the early days

aren't the difficult days because the early days

are still exciting.

It's, you know, for me even going to Tesco was so much fun

because there was all the chocolates I hadn't seen before

and all the biscuits I hadn't seen before

and all of these new things.

So those days were still fun, you know,

it was like wow, everything's new and I was exploring

and I was doing all of these fun things.

It was kind of like a year or two years down the line

where I actually felt like, oh gosh, I'm really in the trenches

here, you know, so I think perseverance is good

and I think I guess also having small things to look forward to

especially if it is something like lung winter days

that are, oh short winter days that are getting you down

having the next summer holiday booked

or doing these type of things is really helpful.

And I think if you can, I also found joining less,

so I joined a few gym classes, not the actual gym,

which, well I did join, but like actual classes

where there were lots of other people around

and I've got involved in the community there.

Yeah, I think if you can get involved in the community

and find something you enjoy and get involved in that

I think is important.

And then I think something else is important

that I would advise is just learning about the culture

or where you're living.

So learning about the history of where you're living

and trying to really understand why things are maybe different

and you know, 'cause things for me that really,

I guess some things that upset me was that

the roads were so poor or the infrastructure wasn't great

or these kind of small things that you know

kind of irritated me, but if you, I guess learn,

I don't know if you kind of understand the culture,

the community that you're in a smaller area,

these other things that, and then enjoy that for what it is,

you know, especially being in the countryside

you just have to start enjoying a slower lifestyle

instead of rushing after the big smoke that you don't have.

Just, yeah, enjoy what is there, 'cause there is a lot there.

And now that the smaller narrow roads was something

that I found hard to get adjusted to

and I didn't think about it when I came

where I just was like, oh my gosh,

like the roads are so small,

it was always so terrified, like, you know,

oh my goodness, it's so much,

it's someone gonna hit me 'cause our roads are so big

and even trying to learn how to drive on the opposite side.

- Are you into, yeah.

- Yeah, you know, because we drive on the opposite side

of the road and the car.

- Oh yeah, so you had to do that.

- I had to learn too, like,

luckily I was still able to drive on my American license

for the first year, but it was still,

like, it was very difficult.

I remember the first time my gun car,

it was very scary, but, you know, that's the part,

that's the challenge.

You have to face those fears too,

like you said, immerse, become a pilot culture.

My husband made me watch probably like two or three

Irish movies, "Talking Mineries" before I moved here.

And, you know what, I'm actually grateful

that I did watch it 'cause I didn't even know

like this, you know, what went on in Ireland.

- Yeah, so it's fascinating.

- It is fascinating.

And I was just like even taking me up to Belfast

and seeing, you know, what happened with the north.

Like, there's, so there's a Northern Ireland

and there's a Republican Ireland, like, I didn't know that.

- Yeah.

- You know, I didn't know too much about that either, yeah.

- Yeah, so I think that is very valuable advice

because, yeah, you're moving somewhere,

and obviously you wanna still have your own,

you know, identity and keep your traditions,

but you still kind of need to, like you said,

immerse yourself in that culture

and just kind of, like, persevere.

- Yeah, there's a lot to say for persevere.

(laughs)

- Also, I guess the other thing is, is that one thing,

one lesson I've really learned is,

the grass is not greener on the other side,

and you just have to take the pros and cons

and weigh them up for yourself.

And rarely there's negatives to being here

and there's negatives to being where I was from

in South Africa, and there's pros to being in South Africa,

like amazing weather.

And there's negatives and there's pros being here.

So you really just weigh up what's important to you

and what is most important to you.

And that kind of realigns to you

or when you're feeling, you know, down or all of these.

And if you really can't persevere,

then that's the decision you make, I guess.

- I think the community part is too as big also

because it can get lonely even though I had my in-laws

and stuff and my husband's friends, but it wasn't,

I guess you could say it wasn't the community I built

for my own, like going to the classes

or going to events where you would meet people.

And I think that's gonna kind of help you out too,

creating those bonds, creating those friendships.

No, but honestly, I really appreciate your time

coming today.

- Thank you for having me.

- Great conversation and you had so much

well of information to share.

I wish you the best of luck with everything.

- Thank you very much.

- And I hope to see you soon.

- Yeah.