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While our homes are unique and people are complicated, there is a simple equation that calls us to holiness and produces great happiness. In today's message, Pastor Tim Glende discusses "Me first makes a mess but you first makes us blessed".
The episodes are the weekly sermons from 922 Ministries (St. Peter and The CORE) of Appleton, Wisconsin.
Happy Holy Home
Week 1 - St Peter
Pastor Tim Glende
Welcome again to week number one of Happy Holy Home.
It used to be the dream of every little girl.
Meet Mr. Right? Like the Ken and Barbie dolls and the doll house, as you envisioned, not only meeting him but that day you would be dressed up all in white and walk down the aisle and say I do. After which you would purchase the home of your dreams, with the white picket fence and have the 1.93 kids and live happily ever after.
That's why Disney's made billions. For every princess, she has Mr. Right? So, Pretty Woman still plays on TBS and TNT, like, 200 times a year. Because everyone just can't wait to see Richard Gere climb the ladder and Julia Roberts get whisked off into the sunset living happily ever after.
There's not a person in our country, probably in the world who would say, they don't want a happy home, I happy. Happily ever after love story and family, right? We want a happy home where our kids are safe and they feel loved. We want a happy home where our spouse is blessed. Where love is present. Where communication is good.
But there's not a single one of you here. Who would say, I want an unhappy home.
Neither would anyone out there?
And first, as Christians we would add the word. Holy.
I've only talked about a happy home, it's one thing, but a holy home is something we would want to have on a daily basis. A place where forgiveness Is offered where sin is confessed. Where the communication is, it's not just about how did your day go and what you saw in the news. But where the truth is spoken in love for the goal of building one another up.
Like all the aspects of Holiness that the Bible describes that could be a blessing to our home to something. I think each and every one of us would say Pastor I want that. We long for that. Can you give us Insight on that? That's goal number one of the series.
And, to also understand that we live in a broken world where God's Perfect Design has been ruined and broken by sin. That also affects us like everyone might want a Happy Holy Home. The reality is so many things in our world today are getting in the way of that happening.
So many things are happening that are causing it to be impossible. And in fact, the home itself, I happy, Holy One, the happily ever after is really not the desired goal of so many young girls are. Proving young boys who grew up in to men.
Like a stats, don't lie.
Like there are less marriages today than there were. Twenty years ago, even though the number of Americans and our population has gone up by 50 million. Mostly due to age expectancy 300,000 less marriages.
Did you know the number of people who cohabitate live together before they're married, outnumbers the people who are married In our world today.
Why is that? We're going to talk about it next week, but I would pitch to you that the dream of a Happy Holi Home, is that many people in our world today did not grow up in Happy Holi Homes.
They grew up with an alcoholic or someone verbally abusive as a parent.
And grow up with both parents, they may never experience the Happy Holi Home with Mom and Dad. They never met Dad or Mom.
Maybe they are now in a home that is broken. They have steps in halves and all sorts of blended. Which is really hard.
And I think that's another why for this series?
Like we need to know what God lays out and wants us to hear in order to have the Happy Holi Homes. And let’s also be honest and transparent, but in today's world, it doesn't always happen.
And I said this at the beginning, I gave you the disclaimer, not every week is going to apply to you directly, but it will indirectly.
Because there are some weeks that will be applied towards those who aren't married, but you all know people who aren't married. Your groups are filled with people who aren't married, you have kids who aren't married, And we need to talk about these things. And if church is not a safe place to talk about these things,
I don't know where else we can do it. So, I hope you're willing to join us on the journey. See what God says, about a Happy Holy Home to address the issues that caused the Brokenness and I know search for some of you, this will be really hard because they will hit home. And I want to be very honest with you. We're going to walk as cautiously as we can. We're also going to speak as honestly as we need to. So if we hit home and it's hard, don't take it personally, come and talk to us because we'd love to help. Okay. Now, for today, where I want to take you, Is what God gives for us and what God sets up for us as the centerpiece for the home. And we have to go back to the beginning to see that when God in his perfect world created everything day. One day, two day, three day four day, five, and a six, it culminated with this creation of Adam and Eve, man and woman. And at the end of chapter 2, where we get that bigger broader view of day, six in creation of human life, we get God's institution of marriage, And you know why God instituted marriage?
You know, God designed Adam and Eve on day 6. God looked at this world, he understood that in this world, it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make her a helper suitable for him. Doing life together is better than doing life alone. God created Adam and Eve to be the centerpiece of his creation, The Pinnacle and Crown of his creation and then brought them together in the ultimate Foundation of human life and the ultimate closest relationship. This world has to offer marriage. The centerpiece, the foundation.
And here's the thing I want you to hear as we get into this and we talk about God, giving us a plan, a blueprint for what a Happy Holy Home looks like for husband and wife. I want you to see a few things in this verse and take away. A few important points about this taking place in Genesis 2, first God recognized, it wasn't good and he made a helper suitable for him. That verb, that term, that word literally means corresponding to not one better than the other, not one with better talents or skills than the other, not one inferior to the other, but corresponding to, man, and woman differently gifted, uniquely blessed, brought together created to be a blessing to one another. Understand that when we get to later God's action plan for us now has some words that are going to be hard to hear but they don't diminish that point equal in the eyes of God, equally as valuable and equally as important and gifted. Man and woman.
And here's the thing about that. After God was done after he made it all. Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. I can't see Adam but I visualize at it in my head going. Wow. Happy. A man God done with day 6. He rested on day seven. He said it is very good. In other words, everything was holy. Adam and Eve. The ones who truly knew what? Happy Holy Home felt like and look like they're in the garden. The antithesis, the end statement is and they were without clothes and they felt no shame. Like happy and holy. And you flip the page.
And everything shattered.
Like Adam didn't step up, Eve listened up to the moment when they both ate it from the tree. Shame and blame were littered all over the place.
And there was anything. But unholiness in their actions.
And there was a whole lot of hurt. And they weren't happy.
And I say that because we live in that world still today, a Happy Holy Home will not be a perfect home. But here's what God has to offer for you. And for me, if you're married and here today, if you will, one day, be married or get married again for the people, you love in your life even though you might never take another marriage vow, because you're done and past that for your kids, your grandkids, the people that you love it, is possible by God's grace, and God's blessing to experience a Happy Holy Home, even though it won't be perfect.
I promise you that. I want you to hear that. And I pray that you'll listen up so that you can see that and know what God, lays out to find that and the path to it is going to be simply this, I need you to understand.
A holy home. Will lead to a happy home.
Because so many people in this life, make this sinful mistake. They linked all of their happiness to their spouse, like we’ll just be happy if my spouse gets it, right? If this takes place in our marriage, if your happiness is dependent on any person outside of Jesus Christ, you are doomed. That's why you need to have a holy home. I know what God says about it so that you can have Holiness which leads to happiness. But before we get to that, the Apostle Paul says something about what this will take, it's in 1st Corinthians 7. It's in this crazy chapter in the Bible. If you read, 1st Corinthians, 7, everything I just said about, God designed marriage. God said, it's not good to be alone. God gave Adam Eve. Excuse me.
And the Apostle Paul in 1st Corinthians 7 says, if at all possible, don't get married. And you be like, what? Think God had said, it's not good to be alone. Why would Paul say such a thing? He goes over and over again? If you were married, if your widowed don't do it, if you're single, don't do it. If you're married, well, you're married. And here's why the Apostle Paul says this. He says this about marriage, a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world, how he can, please his wife and his interests are divided. A married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world, how she can please her husband? Paul's point on singleness is if you can live a single life, if you never get married, you get to devote all of your time, your energy, your focus, your gifts, your strength, in your life, in your relationships at work to one person and one person only. His name is God.
Like your goal is to glorify God, to please God the minute you get married, The minute you take on that, Earth, our relationship, your goal in life, this side of Heaven, God still first. But your spouse is next on the list and the Apostle Paul knew this to be true.
But I so want my wife to be happy. I pray that as she sits over there, she's going. I want you to be happy too, honey.
But, you know, that kind of happiness takes your time, your energy, your effort, your focus, it takes a lot. Marriage takes work, hard work, a lot of work and when you're married, God recognizes a lot goes into it.
And I want to write that on your hearts. If you are married, do not rest on your laurels, if your marriage is good. Some of you need to up the ante when it comes to the work. Terry and Aaron, this is a perfect week for you because you're getting married on Saturday like you should never get any of this wrong.
And some of you are gonna get married in the future, you're thinking about it, you might be dating very seriously right now. I want you to understand this and I want you to see the things we're going to talk about the work. God calls husbands and wives, to have a Happy Holy Home. But don't minimize the work. Romantic love wears off very quickly.
The kind of work. It takes an action plan. God lays out is the key to success, for Happy Holy Home.
And here's what we're going to do. I'm going to give you sections from each of those, three New Testament books where God speaks to husbands, and wives in the things that he says are to be in play. The things you are to do, the roles, responsibilities, the actions for a Happy Holy Home. Going to give you the verses first and then I'm going to follow them up with some take aways. So, please take notes as we give you some explanation, and hopefully, a take away for you in one way or another, an application. I'm going to start with the guys first. First from 1st Peter chapter 3, one of those sections, husband's in the same way, be considerate as you live with your lives and treat them with respect. Colossians 3 is another section. If you're looking for a where to go to talk about husbands and wives, husbands love your wives. And do not be harsh with them. Ephesians 5, you heard before, husbands love your wives. Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her. Holy cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a Radiant Church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
Each one of you, last verse also, must love his wife as he loves himself. Three verses, three sections of scripture, five takeaways write these down ladies. I want you to write them down and hold onto them to pray for your husband, or maybe your future husband, or the husbands of other 922 members husband's. I want you to write these down and really think hard about these and how you're doing in and creating a Happy Holy Home right now, where you might be lacking, what you want to take to the next level, 5 things, for your H Cubed, Happy Holy Home action plan. The first one is this, did you catch it be it. Now while some of these are the same, this one is not one that God said to wives be considerate. And being considerate as more than opening the door, when you came in at church this morning, dudes being considered as more than letting your wife come up to communion first before you like, don't just walk up, let her out and let her up. I learned that the hard way while I was dating. Sorry, honey. Being considerate is actually this by definition not causing hurt. Or inconvenience.
Not causing hurt.
Spiritually, physically or emotionally. Not causing hurt or inconvenience putting obstacles in their way, spiritually, physically or emotionally. Like husband's, I want you to take an H3 action plan oath like doctors take. Like you know, when doctors get their white coat, when they get their eventual coat they make an oath to do no harm. That's what that word means, husbands.
And you know what, I think that resonates with me better than be considerate. Because I think God is literally saying, guys, you have the spiritual lives and well-being. Your hands of your wife, and your kids and your family.
Be considerate of that, do no harm.
And then he said, respect her. And ladies, listen up because later on you heard it in the words that God speaks to wives respect him. And I know you might have in your mind with idea of what respect is, but respect, literally is a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something. To hold in high or special regard.
Again, I'm going to confess something. My wife told me yesterday. That she's only really seen me smile over two things. My granddaughter and my new car.
And I thought about that last night, this is not. And as I’m preaching this morning, Mike, I probably don't give her the impression often enough, that she's far more important than my new car, which is pretty nice. And my granddaughter, who is pretty awesome.
Respect her and respect him. Put them on a pedestal. See them as a precious gift from God. And God made your spouse uniquely with gifts and talents that are blessing to you. Respect that, elevate that. And then he says this to husbands, don't be harsh and this one's unique, God doesn't say it to ladies so husbands don't be harsh. In other words by definition, a harsh person is difficult to endure. Difficult to endure. The opposite. If you look it up in the dictionary is easy, gentle light. If all these are to be an image of Jesus, which God says, husbands, you are to be visible. Jesus, in your home. You know what Jesus said, my yoke is easy. And my burden is light. And when you make your spouse's life, not easy by your harsh words or harsh actions, you're doing harm. Don't be harsh. Got says don't be harsh.
And the last two. Go hand-in-hand, sacrifice & love.
They're the Ephesians 5 words: husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Jesus came down from his Heavenly home, made his home here on Earth, gave up his life on the cross. Sacrificed it so, that you and I might have a happy home in heaven. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
In other words, in this world where God designed 2 amazing people, unique people, helpers corresponding to our God calls husbands to be spiritual leaders in their home. He says, love your wives as Christ loved the church. Sacrificing, Jesus, put you first. And put himself under and then God calls in that same section two, husbands to love their wives. Not eros, just simply be attracted to your wives, not friendship: love your wife when she loves you and does something nice for you and don't love her in order for her to do something nice in return, like friendship. Love is, both are needed in marriage, but husbands love your wives. God says this uniquely. Do you love your wives? Sacrificial. Selfless, Love for the unlovable. Ladies, I'm going to tread very lightly, but there are times when you are unlovable not as often as I'm unlovable. And guys are but you're unlovable. You do things that hurt.
And guys, that's not a reason to ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever, ever, ever ever, ever stop loving your wife as God has called you to.
Because Agape, love is love for the unlovable. It's Jesus' love for you that you want you to model in your homes. Love them, when they are lovable.
And that's a pretty big list.
God says, when you strive for that kind of holy home you will find happiness.
Ladies, here's what God says to you in those sections wives submit yourselves to your husband's. As you do to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. His body of which he's the Savior and the wife must respect her husband at the end. And it's 12:45 from Colossians wives, submit yourselves to your husband's, as is fitting to the Lord 1st Peter 3, wives in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands. So that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives for lit. On your list, ladies. But the one that's found in each and every one of those sections, I need to talk to you first. And it's this for a Happy Holy Home. God says, wives submit. And I know there's some of you right now whose hearts are racing and you are flaming and you would like to make eye contact with me and take me down. Cuz that word, you don't like.
Here's what I want you not to like about that word, the 21st century way of defining submission,
I no longer use those words in marriage ceremonies because I know brides have friends. Even though they understand them, who will go what in the world are you just promised to do? Because the world is so undermined that word submission in our world today is MMA WWE. Submission holds where I impose my will on you. I coerce you to tap out to give in, to cave.
Husbands, if you ever misuse this word and say, God tells you to submit. Ladies, I give you permission to go back and say, but the Bible says do not be harsh.
And respect and be considerate. Those are two opposite things. I need you to see that in here that ladies, and here's what I want, you understand about the word submission as God calls husbands, to be spiritual leaders, and put themselves under sacrifice for your wives goddess. Simply saying that word submission, be willing to put yourself under, that's what the word means. It's a military term. Put yourself under God's calling husbands and wives to do the same thing. Put yourself under, if you've been in pre-marriage class Terry and Erin will tell you this, I just keep going down as far as you can get to the bottom of the ground, like the deeper, you can dig that hole of putting yourself under, you will have a happy home. When you put the other person, first, When you love them like Jesus loved you. Willing to put yourself under not because they deserve it. I don't deserve my wife to do it. God calls her to love the unlovable to and I'm way more unlovable and far more often unlovable. But God says, still do this. It will brush you. You will thrive when you do it.
Do the same thing. God called you to respect him.
I'm just going to say it. I mean in this area. Emotionally resilient, dudes need respect from you. Because we're just really weak and crumble when you don't put us up there, I don't know why. But it is a blessing to you, to your partner, your spouse, your husband when you do it ladies. Like treat them with respect. And I need to say this one because it goes hand-in-hand with submission, but I want to highlight it. Be subject to your subjects of, I think, oftentimes it's your mind, but here it's highlighted in that section, wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord, as the husband, is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church.
Ladies, can I ask you? Encourage, pray for, encourage and pray for, speak to your husband being the spiritual leader in your home? And let him lead.
When the biggest things you can do is undermine his leadership from a spiritual perspective.
Encourage him, pray for him. Call him out to do it, speak it and love, but your home will be blessed. Your kids will be blessed. Your foundation will be blessed. If you let him take the spiritual leadership in your home, And dude, I need you to step up and I apologize to so many of you ladies who, in these terminologies, you did this and a man failed you. He did not put you first. That's not the way it's supposed to be. They might have hurt you and done things to you that are horrible. They might have exercised authority over you in a lordship way and not a servant way, I apologize.
Don't give up on that. Being a reality in a possibility, encourage it. And finally love. Love the unlovable. Please do that. When I put them all together, when you think of those things, maybe you circled one for you to work on. If you remember, only one thing, remember this about that action plan? If you can do this in those ways, I guarantee you things will be so good. You'll have a happy Holi home. Here's your takeaway. Big summary of all those points. Me first. If in your marriage, me first, makes a mess. Like, if you don't do this dance, put yourself under if you don't respect, if you don't love it. If you're harsh that's me. First written all over it. Me first makes a mess but you first will make you blessed. It's all you first, all those words are put the other person. First respect them, Elevate them. You're under them. You first submit be subject to love you name it. All the words are literally with it. You first makes us blessed.
And there's some of you here right now. Me included, who have made a real mess of it. And you're wondering, can I really have the blessed?
Not without him.
Like a Happy Holy Home is impossible without those words you heard earlier from Mark chapter 10. Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.
You and I have made a real mess of it. Adam and Eve started the mess. Broken relationships have existed until today.
But Jesus makes you and I blessed.
You know why? Because the next verse the Apostle Paul said, Jesus has made you holy. He's presented you as holy in God's sight without blemish and free from accusation. Like the past is the past. If you've blown it, I get it today's a new day, a Happy Holy Home is possible because in the eyes of God, through the blood of Jesus, you have been made Holy. And that doesn't matter if you're single, or divorced, or widowed, not married currently married, will be married. Like your holy through the blood of Jesus. And a Happy Holy Home with Jesus is possible in a place that will thrive. Me blessed when you live, you first.
Which is why before I go, I need to speak to three different groups of you here. Today, I got an action plan for you. I pray that you would carry it out, a you first home is one that is blessed. I want to speak to three different groups. I want to start with those of you who are not married and never will be married again and you don't think this message applies to you. Can you do this for me?
Pray for the families and homes of 922.
The future generations who are looking for the Mr. Right? The woman of their dreams. Can you pray for us? And we will have a church family that has Happy Holy Homes. We need that. Can you do that? Take these words. Write them down. Maybe speak to your grandkids about that. That you want it for them. I can I put that on your heart. Happy Holy Home. Involve you. And our church will be blessed by you. And I want to speak to those of you who are not yet married and will one day be married. Even little you. Or Mom and Dad were going to speak to him. And those of you who are in high school and college right now and you're looking and you're searching, hear this and hear this well. To have that, to have a Happy Holy Home, you need to find someone who loves Jesus first. If they're beautiful, but they don't love Jesus be cautious. If you're dating, they need to love Jesus. It's impossible to do those things without the one who came to serve. Like, you can try. If you can get close, you can find moments of happiness, but not holiness.
Like look for a person who represents that. Parents. If your kids are in that phase, bring them back to this message, play it for them, Point them to it, watch it with them. This is what you need to look for. This is what they should be like if they're harsh with you. Now, what do you think are going to be like with you after
If they love themselves more than you why are you with them? Like, can I put that on your heart? And those of you who are married,
Three things. Some of you need to go home right now and own your mess.
There's not much Holiness and there's not any happiness. The time is now, it's a new day. Jesus came to serve, he loves you. You are blessed. Today's the day, like go home and say it. Honey, I'm sorry, I've failed, forgive me, I need to work on this. Let's work on this, today's the day, let's do it.
And some of you are in the middle. Like, it's not a mess. And it's not dying, but it's surviving. Like, I don't know why. Maybe you're stuck, maybe it's midlife crisis. Maybe there's something going on. Maybe work’s really hard, but can you go home and simply have a conversation and say, can we take this to heart today? What do we need to do to? Just get it going again. To be blessed and you first, And there are some of you who are here and I know this and I praise God for this, you are really rocking it at marriage.
Anyone raise their hand, don't do it.
Don't rest on your laurels. The devil's looking for a foothold. It doesn't take much for harshness when it creeps in and disrespect to follow and when this pattern gets blown up, do not rest on your laurels, keep doing it, stay rooted.
Because you first will make you blessed. Because Jesus put you first. He longs to bless your Happy Holy Home here because he knows in the home. When Jesus is there, we ultimately get to celebrate ended up there in the Happy Holy Eternal Home.