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★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★In the oral tradition of storytelling, Echoes in the Dark, delivers classic works of gothic fiction weekly. Hosted and curated by Ms. Rae (an award-winning educator, actor, and literary analyst) the collection of stories spans popular works by authors like Edgar Allan Poe as well as lesser known works by authors such as Guy de Maupassant. Each story is followed by a literary analysis.
If you’re looking to enjoy more classic literature, struggle to find the time to read, hate reading, or just love listening to stories, then this podcast is for you.
A Note on Content: While these stories are generally appropriate for listeners aged 12 and up, classic Gothic literature frequently explores themes of murder, romantic affairs, and "tortured souls." Stories are performed exactly as written in their original historical context.
If you are looking to learn more ways to boost your literary analysis visit:
Speaker: Welcome to Echoes in the
Dark, a podcast dedicated to the
oral
Speaker: tradition of storytelling.
Speaker: If you're looking to enjoy
more classic literature, struggle to
Speaker: find the time to read, hate
reading, or just love listening to
Speaker: stories, then this podcast
is for you.
Speaker: At the end of each story,
I'll share my analysis on the
story's
Speaker: deeper meanings.
Speaker: The Outsider by H.P.
Speaker: Lovecraft is a short story
that was originally published in
Speaker: in the pulp magazine Weird
Tales.
Speaker: Lovecraft ushered in a new
type of horror stories that were
cosmic.
Speaker: However, this is a gothic
tale.
Speaker: It is not going to be uh
cosmic horror.
Speaker: The entire story is told in
first person limited.
Speaker: If you want to follow
along, you can get a copy on my
website,
Speaker: betteressaywriting.com.
Speaker: The Outsider by HP Love.
Speaker: Unhappy is he to whom the
memories of childhood bring only
fear
Speaker: and sadness.
Speaker: Wretched is he who looks
back upon lone hours in vast and
dismal
Speaker: chambers with brown
hangings and maddening rows of
antique books,
Speaker: or upon odd watches in
twilight groves of grotesque,
gigantic
Speaker: and vine encumbered trees
that silently wave twisted branches
Speaker: far aloft.
Speaker: Such a lot the gods gave to
me, to me, the days, the
disappointed,
Speaker: the barren, the broken, and
yet I am strangely content and cling
Speaker: desperately to those seer
memories when my mind momentarily
threatens
Speaker: to reach beyond to the
other.
Speaker: I know not where I was
born, save that the castle was
infinitely
Speaker: old and infinitely
horrible, full of dark passages and
having
Speaker: high ceilings where the eye
could find only cobwebs and shadows.
Speaker: The stones in the crumbling
corridors seemed almost hideously
Speaker: damp, and there was an
accursed smell everywhere as of the
piled
Speaker: up corpses of dead
generations.
Speaker: It was never light, so that
I used sometimes to light candles
Speaker: and gaze steadily at them
for relief.
Speaker: Nor was there any sun
outdoors, since the terrible trees
grew
Speaker: high above the topmost
accessible tower.
Speaker: There was one black tower
which reached above the trees into
the
Speaker: unknown outer sky, but that
was partly ruined and could not be
Speaker: ascended save by a well
nigh impossible climb up the sheer
wall,
Speaker: stone by stone.
Speaker: I must have lived in this
place, but I cannot measure the
time.
Speaker: Or anything alive but the
noiseless rats and bats and spiders.
Speaker: I think that whoever nursed
me must have been shockingly aged,
Speaker: since my first conception
of a living person was that of
something
Speaker: mockingly like myself, yet
distorted, shriveled, and the king,
Speaker: like the castle.
Speaker: To me, there was nothing
grotesque in the bones and skeletons
Speaker: that strode some of the
stone crypts deep down among the
foundations.
Speaker: I fantastically associated
with these things with everyday
events
Speaker: and thought them more
natural than the colored pictures of
living
Speaker: beings, which I found in
many of the moldy books.
Speaker: From such books, I learned
all that I know.
Speaker: No teacher urged or guided
me, and I do not recall hearing any
Speaker: human voice in all those
years.
Speaker: Not even my own.
Speaker: For although I had read of
speech, I had never thought to try
Speaker: to speak aloud.
Speaker: My aspect was a matter
equally unthought of, for there were
no
Speaker: mirrors in the castle, and
I merely regarded myself by instinct
Speaker: as akin to the youthful
figures I saw drawn and painted in
the
Speaker: books.
Speaker: I felt conscious of youth
because I remembered so little.
Speaker: Outside, across the putrid
moat and under the dark new trees,
Speaker: I would often lie and dream
for hours about what I read in the
Speaker: books, and would longingly
picture myself amidst gray crowds in
Speaker: the sunny world beyond the
endless forest.
Speaker: Once I tried to escape from
the forest, but as I went farther
Speaker: from the castle, the shade
grew denser and the air more filled
Speaker: with brooding fear, so that
I ran frantically back, least I lose
Speaker: my way in a labyrinth of
nighted silence.
Speaker: So, through endless
twilights, I dreamed and waited,
though I
Speaker: knew not what I waited for.
Speaker: Then, in the shadowy
solitude, my longing for light grew
so frantic
Speaker: that I could rest no more,
and I lifted entreating hands
through
Speaker: the single black ruined
tower that reached above the forest
into
Speaker: the unknown outer sky.
Speaker: And at last I resolved to
scale that tower, fall though I
might,
Speaker: since it were better to
glimpse the sky and perish than to
live
Speaker: without ever beholding day.
Speaker: In the dank twilight, I
climbed the worn and aged stone
stairs
Speaker: till I reached a level
where they ceased, and thereafter
clung
Speaker: perilously to small
footholds leaning upward.
Speaker: Ghastly and terrible was
that dead, stairless cylinder of
rock,
Speaker: black, ruined, and deserted
and sinister with startled bats
whose
Speaker: wings made no noise.
Speaker: But more ghastly and
terrible still was the slowness of
my progress.
Speaker: For climb as I might, the
darkness overhead grew no thinner,
and
Speaker: a new chill, as of haunted
and vernable mold, assailed me.
Speaker: I shivered as I wondered
why I did not reach the light and
would
Speaker: have looked down had I
dared.
Speaker: I fancied that night had
come suddenly upon me and vainly
groped
Speaker: with one free hand for a
window embracer that I might peer
out
Speaker: and above and try to judge
the height I had attained.
Speaker: All at once, after an
infinity of awesome, sightless
crawling
Speaker: up that concave and
desperate precipice, I felt my head
touch
Speaker: a solid thing, and I knew I
must have gained the roof, or at
least
Speaker: some kind of floor.
Speaker: In the darkness, I raised
my free hand and tested the barrier,
Speaker: finding it stone and
immovable.
Speaker: Then came a deadly circuit
of the tower, clinging to whatever
Speaker: holds the slimy wall could
give, till finally my testing hand
Speaker: found the barrier yielding,
and I turned upward again, pushing
Speaker: the slab or door with my
head as I used both hands in my
fearful
Speaker: ascent.
Speaker: There was no light revealed
above.
Speaker: And as my hands went
higher, I knew that my climb was for
the
Speaker: knots ended.
Speaker: Since the slab was the
trapdoor of an aperture leading to a
level
Speaker: stone surface of greater
circumference than the lower tower,
no
Speaker: doubt the floor is some
lofty and capacious observation
chamber.
Speaker: I crawled through carefully
and tried to prevent the heavy slab
Speaker: from falling back into
place, but failed in the latter
attempt.
Speaker: As I lay exhausted on the
stone floor, I heard the eerie
echoes
Speaker: of its fall, but hoped,
when necessary, to pry it open
again.
Speaker: Believing I was now at a
progenus height, far above the
accursed
Speaker: branches of the wood, I
dragged myself up from the floor and
fumbled
Speaker: about for windows that I
might look for the first time upon
the
Speaker: sky and the moon and stars
of which I had read.
Speaker: But on every hand I was
disappointed, since all that I found
were
Speaker: vast shelves of marble,
bearing odious oblong boxes of
disturbing
Speaker: size.
Speaker: More and more I reflected
and wondered what hoary secrets
might
Speaker: abide in this high
apartment, so many eons cut off from
the castle
Speaker: below.
Speaker: Then, unexpectedly, my
hands came upon a doorway where hung
a
Speaker: portal of stone rough with
strange chiseling.
Speaker: Trying it, I found it
locked.
Speaker: But with a supreme burst of
strength, I overcame all obstacles
Speaker: and dragged it open inward.
Speaker: As I did so, there came to
me the purest ecstasy I have ever
known,
Speaker: for shining tranquilly
through an ornate grating of iron
and down
Speaker: a short stone passageway of
steps that ascended from the newly
Speaker: found doorway was the
radiant full loom, which I had never
before
Speaker: seen save in dreams and in
vague visions I dared not call
memories.
Speaker: Fancy now that I had
attained the very pinnacle of the
castle,
Speaker: I commenced to rush up the
few steps beyond the door, but the
Speaker: sudden veiling of the moon
by a cloud caused me to stumble, and
Speaker: I felt my way more slowly
in the dark.
Speaker: It was still very dark when
I reached the grating, which I tried
Speaker: carefully and found
unlocked, but which I did not open
for fear
Speaker: of falling from the amazing
height to which I had climbed.
Speaker: Then the moon came out.
Speaker: Most demonically of all
shocks is that of the abysmally
unexpected
Speaker: and grotesquely
unbelievable.
Speaker: Nothing I had before
undergone could compare in terror
with what
Speaker: I now saw, with the bizarre
marvels that sight implied.
Speaker: The sight itself was as
simple as it was stupefying, for it
was
Speaker: merely this.
Speaker: Instead of a dizzying
prospect of treetops seen from a
lofty eminence,
Speaker: there stretched around me
on a level, through the grating,
nothing
Speaker: less than the solid ground,
decked and diversified by marble
slabs
Speaker: and columns and
overshadowed by an ancient stone
church whose
Speaker: ruin spire gleamed
spectrally in the moonlight.
Speaker: Half conscious, I opened
the grating and staggered out upon
the
Speaker: white gravel path that
stretched away in two directions.
Speaker: My mind, stunned and
chaotic as it was, still held the
frantic
Speaker: craving for light.
Speaker: And not even the fantastic
wonder which had happened could stay
Speaker: my course.
Speaker: I neither knew nor cared
whether my experience was insanity,
dreaming,
Speaker: or magic, but was
determined to gaze on brilliance and
gaiety
Speaker: at any cost.
Speaker: I knew not who I was or
what I was or what my surroundings
might
Speaker: be, though as I continued
to stumble along, I became conscious
Speaker: of a kind of fearsome
latent memory that made my progress
not
Speaker: wholly fortuitous.
Speaker: I passed under an arch out
of that region of slabs and columns
Speaker: and wandered through the
open country, sometimes following
the
Speaker: visible road, but sometimes
leaving it curiously to tread across
Speaker: meadows, where only
occasionally runes bespoke the
ancient presence
Speaker: of a forgotten road.
Speaker: Once I swam across a swift
river where crumbling, mossy masonry
Speaker: told of a bridge long
vanished.
Speaker: Over two hours must have
passed before I reached what seemed
to
Speaker: be my goal.
Speaker: A vulnerable ivy castle in
a thickly wooded park.
Speaker: Maddenly familiar, yet full
of perplexing strangeness to me.
Speaker: I saw that the moat was
filled in and that some of the
well-known
Speaker: towers were demolished,
whilst new wings existed to confuse
the
Speaker: beholder.
Speaker: But what I observed with
chief interest and delight were the
open
Speaker: windows, grotesquely ablaze
with light and sending forth sounds
Speaker: of the gayest revelry.
Speaker: Advancing to one of these,
I looked in and saw an oddly dressed
Speaker: company, indeed making
merry and speaking brightly to one
another.
Speaker: I had never, seemingly,
heard human speech before and could
guess
Speaker: only vaguely what was said.
Speaker: Some of the faces seemed to
hold expressions that brought up
incredibly
Speaker: remote recollections.
Speaker: Other were utterly alien.
Speaker: I now stepped through the
low window into the brilliantly
lighted
Speaker: room, stepping as I did so
from my single bright moment of hope
Speaker: to my blackest convulsion
of despair and realization.
Speaker: The nightmare was quick to
come, for as I entered, there
occurred
Speaker: immediately one of the most
terrifying demonstrations I have
ever
Speaker: conceived.
Speaker: Scarcely had I crossed the
sill when there descended upon the
Speaker: whole company a sudden and
unheralded fear of hideous
intensity,
Speaker: distorting every face and
evoking the most horrible screams
from
Speaker: nearly every throat.
Speaker: Flight was universal, and
in the clamor and panic, several
fell
Speaker: in a swoon and were dragged
away by their madly fleeing
companions.
Speaker: Many covered their eyes
with their hands and plunged blindly
and
Speaker: awkwardly in their race to
escape, overturning furniture and
stumbling
Speaker: against the walls before
they managed to reach one of the
many
Speaker: doors.
Speaker: The cries were shocking.
Speaker: And as I stood in the
brilliant apartment alone and daze,
listening
Speaker: to their vanished echoes, I
trembled at the thought of what
might
Speaker: be lurking near me unseen.
Speaker: At a casual inspection, the
room seemed deserted, but when I
moved
Speaker: toward one of the alcoves,
I thought I detected a present
there.
Speaker: A hint of motion beyond the
golden arch doorway leaning to
another,
Speaker: and then with the first and
last sound I ever uttered, a ghastly
Speaker: elation that revolted me
almost as pliantly as its noxious
cause.
Speaker: I beheld in full frightful
vividness, the inconceivable,
indescribable,
Speaker: and unmentionable
monstrosity which had, by its simple
appearance,
Speaker: changed a merry company to
a herd of delirious fugitives.
Speaker: I cannot even hint what it
was like, for it was a compound of
Speaker: all that is unclean,
uncanny, unwelcome, abnormal, and
detestable.
Speaker: It was the ghoulish shade
of decay, antiquity, and desolation,
Speaker: the putrid dripping anelon
of unwholesome revelation, the awful
Speaker: bearing of that which the
merciful earth should always hide.
Speaker: God knows it was not of
this world, or no longer of this
world,
Speaker: yet to my horror I saw in
its earthen away and bone revealing
Speaker: outlines, a leering,
abhorrent travesty on the human
shape, and
Speaker: in its moldy,
disintegrating apparel and
unspeakable quality that
Speaker: chilled me even more.
Speaker: I was almost paralyzed, but
not too much so to make a feeble
effort
Speaker: toward flight.
Speaker: A backward stummer which
failed to break the spell in which
the
Speaker: nameless, voiceless monster
held me.
Speaker: My eyes, bewitched by the
glassy orbs which stared loathsomely
Speaker: into them, refused to
close.
Speaker: No, they were mercifully
blurred and chewed the terrible
object
Speaker: but indistinctly after the
first shock.
Speaker: I tried to raise my hand to
shut out the sight, yet so stunned
Speaker: were my nerves that my arm
could not fully obey my will.
Speaker: The attempt, however, was
enough to disturb my balance so that
Speaker: I had to stagger forward
several steps to avoid falling.
Speaker: As I did so, I became
suddenly and agonizingly aware of
the nearest
Speaker: of the carry-on thing,
whose hideous hollow breathing I had
fancied
Speaker: I could hear.
Speaker: Nearly mad, I found myself
yet able to throw out a hand to ward
Speaker: off the footed apparition
which pressed so close when in one
cataclysmic
Speaker: second of cosmic
nightmarishness and hellish
accident, my fingers
Speaker: touch the rotting,
outstretched paw of the monster
beneath the
Speaker: golden arch.
Speaker: I did not shriek, but all
the fiendish ghouls that writ the
night
Speaker: wind shrieked for me as in
that same second there crashed down
Speaker: upon my mind a single and
fleeting avalanche of
soul-annihilating
Speaker: memory.
Speaker: I knew in that second all
that had been.
Speaker: But in the cosmos, there is
balm as well as bitterness.
Speaker: And that balm is nepanthe.
Speaker: And the supreme horror of
that second, I forgot what had
horrified
Speaker: me.
Speaker: And the burst of black
memory vanished in a chaos of
echoing images.
Speaker: In a dream, I fled from
that haunted and accursed pile and
ran
Speaker: swiftly and silently in the
moonlight.
Speaker: When I returned to the
churchyard place of marble and went
down
Speaker: the steps, I found the
stone trap door immovable.
Speaker: But I was not sorry, for I
had hated the antique castle and the
Speaker: catacombs of Nephrinka in
the sealed and unknown valley of
Habdolt
Speaker: by the Nile.
Speaker: I know that light is not
for me, save that of the moon over
the
Speaker: rock tombs of Ned, nor any
gaiety save the unnamed feast of
Nictocris
Speaker: beneath the Great Pyramid.
Speaker: Yet in my new wildness and
freedom, I almost welcome the
bitterness
Speaker: of alienage.
Speaker: For although Nephanthi has
called me, I know always that I'm an
Speaker: outsider, a stranger in
this century and among those who are
still
Speaker: men.
Speaker: This I have known ever
since.
Speaker: I stretched out my fingers
to the abomination within that great
Speaker: gilded frame.
Speaker: Stretched out my fingers
and touched a cold and unyielding
surface
Speaker: of polished glass.
Speaker: So that was The Outsider by
H.P.
Speaker: Lovecraft.
Speaker: And I love that this
appeared in a magazine called Weird
Tales
Speaker: because it was a weird
tale, but for me, it really did not.
Speaker: Disappoint.
Speaker: It had all the elements
that I look forward to in Gothic
literature.
Speaker: We've got dark shadows and
spooky old crypts and churches and
Speaker: graveyards and castles.
Speaker: Yum yum yum.
Speaker: Um it was did a really good
job of being descriptive.
Speaker: And that's what we want in
a good story is describing what is
Speaker: heard, what is seen, what's
around.
Speaker: He really stretches it out.
Speaker: And even though it's a
short story, I feel like uh
Lovecraft really
Speaker: packed a lot in.
Speaker: Okay, so so many things
came to my mind when reading this
story.
Speaker: The first one, just the
first part of the story, this idea
of
Speaker: being young or of an
unknown age.
Speaker: Like, I don't even know how
old I am, but I must have been young
Speaker: at some point.
Speaker: And growing up in this
environment where you don't even
fully
Speaker: remember anybody, but you
do remember that there were
countless
Speaker: books.
Speaker: And so your way to escape
was to just read.
Speaker: Your entertainment was
reading.
Speaker: And there must have been
somebody there to read to.
Speaker: There must have been
something, but it just made no real
impression.
Speaker: This all very much reminds
me of being an immigrant or being a
Speaker: homeschooler or being in
maybe even a religious community in
which
Speaker: you are separated from
society.
Speaker: Now, the title of this
piece is The Outsider.
Speaker: And so this brings the
question: what does it mean to be
an outsider?
Speaker: What does it mean to be
separate?
Speaker: And Lovecraft really gives
us some different examples,
different
Speaker: ways in which this person
is an outsider.
Speaker: So one way this person is
an outsider is that they are there's
Speaker: no one, there's no other
people around, right?
Speaker: Um the vague memory of some
older person, there must have been
Speaker: somebody, but that is
certainly one way to be an outsider.
Speaker: And what I think of um, you
know, the homeschool community and
Speaker: then religious groups that
do not want for their children to be
Speaker: exposed to popular culture.
Speaker: Um, I've certainly worked
with families that send me a message
Speaker: saying, hey, just so you
know, my child will not understand
any
Speaker: references to pop culture.
Speaker: And we don't celebrate
holidays, we don't celebrate
birthdays.
Speaker: And so while this is great
for um that particular family's way
Speaker: of living when it comes to
that child's ability to socialize
with
Speaker: other children, it's very
difficult.
Speaker: It's very difficult.
Speaker: That child doesn't have to
have knowledge of uh Taylor Swift or
Speaker: Beyoncé or Minecraft or
anything of that nature, but the
idea
Speaker: of um not trying to shield
that child from any exposure um does
Speaker: put them at a severe
disadvantage.
Speaker: It's one thing to say, hey,
uh, we don't partake, we don't
listen,
Speaker: we just want to, you know,
listen to whatever music we
personally
Speaker: make in our house.
Speaker: Cool, that's fine.
Speaker: However, when that child
gets to socializing with other kids
outside
Speaker: of the house, are they able
to comfortably carry on a
conversation
Speaker: or are they feeling
overwhelmed by all the things that
they don't
Speaker: know?
Speaker: Um, which in and of itself
is fair, right?
Speaker: You go somewhere new, you
learn something new, that can be
overwhelming.
Speaker: But if you're trying to
shield your child, prevent your
child
Speaker: from being exposed to
anything other than what you as the
parent
Speaker: has provided, that's where
I feel like we are crossing a line.
Speaker: Um yes, it one would say
it's the parent's responsibility to
shield
Speaker: the child from anything
that is dangerous or might harm
them.
Speaker: And so a parent deems that
uh knowing about Harry Potter or
knowing
Speaker: about um, I I think I had a
parent withdraw a child from a class
Speaker: because I had the child
read an Edgar Allen post story.
Speaker: And I'm like, this kid is
of age in which they would be
reading
Speaker: the rating in in school.
Speaker: So what's the problem?
Speaker: But um every family's
different, right?
Speaker: So, yes, it is the parent's
job to protect, shielding that child
Speaker: from things that are bad is
definitely one thing, but taking it
Speaker: to a point where you are
removing that child from anything
that
Speaker: in general is deemed
harmless by the rest, the majority
of society
Speaker: um that might be
educational and a lesson for them,
right?
Speaker: So, okay, let's take drugs.
Speaker: You want to show your child
from drugs, great.
Speaker: Your child goes to a
friend's house and that friend is
doing drugs.
Speaker: But, or okay, maybe the
friend's not doing drugs.
Speaker: That's that's probably a
bit of an extreme.
Speaker: Okay, your friend goes to
your child goes to a friend's house
Speaker: and they are the the friend
mentions wanting to try a drug or
Speaker: something about, hey, so
and so um was talking to me about
this
Speaker: drug, and I was like, don't
do that, that's not cool.
Speaker: Would your child know what
to do?
Speaker: Would your child know to
say, hey, why is that not a good
thing?
Speaker: Be curious, ask more
questions.
Speaker: Would your child cover
their ears and run away and be like,
no,
Speaker: you can't talk to me about
drugs?
Speaker: That's evil.
Speaker: Um, would your child know
to stand up on their own two feet
and
Speaker: be like, yeah, I don't do
drugs.
Speaker: That's not a part of uh my
lifestyle.
Speaker: And I hope it's not a part
of yours either, friends, or I'm
glad
Speaker: you told that other kid not
to do that.
Speaker: Um or would they just feel
so isolated and outside that they
feel
Speaker: like they can't have
friends outside of the home in the
community?
Speaker: So being isolated in
education is one way of being an
outsider.
Speaker: Now, another way that
Lovecraft shows us being an outsider
is
Speaker:language.
Speaker: So we have this character
who says, I never bothered to speak.
Speaker: And to be fair, who was
there to talk to?
Speaker: Who was there to talk to?
Speaker: Like you don't even
remember anybody around.
Speaker: Who am I gonna talk to?
Speaker: And that reminds me of
immigrant communities, children, and
even
Speaker: parents.
Speaker: I think of immigrant
elderly parents who move to the U.S.
Speaker: in order to help their
child raise the grandchildren.
Speaker: And that immigrant parent
does not speak English in the
household.
Speaker: Um the grandchild may not
be interested in learning their
native
Speaker: language or tries not to
speak the language of their
grandparents,
Speaker: right?
Speaker: And so that grandparent is
trying to communicate with their
grandchild.
Speaker: And as that grandchild gets
older, often they shun, they will
Speaker: really reduce the interest
in being able to speak that
grandparents'
Speaker: language.
Speaker: And I have talked to
parents of children, these parents
who have
Speaker: moved to the US to give
their child a certain kind of life.
Speaker: Maybe it was even for, you
know, uh my husband's job had us
come
Speaker: here.
Speaker: And for these parents to be
really sad because their child just
Speaker: wants to speak English, and
their child doesn't want the parent
Speaker: to speak to them in the
presence of their friends, because
that
Speaker: child is embarrassed by
their parents' accent.
Speaker: And that really breaks my
heart.
Speaker: Um I get it, teenagers and
even preteens, because actually I'm
Speaker: thinking of somebody whose
child is a preteen.
Speaker: Um they will do and say
things because they feel that they
can
Speaker: and the other person will
still love them.
Speaker: But they don't realize in
that moment just how heartbreaking
and
Speaker: how uh cruel it is to say
to somebody, I love you, but can you
Speaker: not talk to me and be near
me because you're going to cause me
Speaker: pain and suffering by
embarrassing me with your accent?
Speaker: So we have language as a
way of being an outsider.
Speaker: And this idea of um being
someone who causes pain and
suffering
Speaker: is something else that
Lovecraft brings up.
Speaker: And we're gonna come back
to more ways of being an outsider,
but
Speaker: I just want to touch on
this real quick, which is is it
better
Speaker: to be an outsider than to
cause suffering to others?
Speaker: So, again, that parent who
knows their child is embarrassed by
Speaker: their accent or the
grandparent who knows that the child
is embarrassed
Speaker: that their grandparent
can't speak the language.
Speaker: Um, you know, a lot of
times that parent or the grandparent
will
Speaker: just accept that that is
their child's request.
Speaker: They love that child, and
so they will drop the kid off at
school
Speaker: from a distance in order to
not cause that embarrassment.
Speaker: Even think of economic
divides where a child might be
embarrassed
Speaker: that dad who um lost his
job and so had to sell his car.
Speaker: Now he kind of has an old
beat-up car.
Speaker: Or um mom, who maybe just
got back from rehab and is getting
back
Speaker: on her feet and has really
just been struggling after the
divorce.
Speaker: Um and so maybe her car is
beat up, or um, she works a couple
Speaker: of jobs and she's wearing
that nurse's uniform.
Speaker: Hey, grown-up, you don't
have as much money as the other kids
Speaker: at this school.
Speaker: You don't have a fancy car
like the other families.
Speaker: Your hair and nails aren't
done uh the way everyone else
expects.
Speaker: I don't want to be seen
with you.
Speaker: I don't want them to know
that you're my parent.
Speaker: So can you drop me off at a
distance from the school?
Speaker: Don't drop me off right in
front of the school.
Speaker: Can you drop me off a few
uh, you know, a half a block away?
Speaker: Or can I take the bus
because I just don't want to be seen
around
Speaker: you because you're an
embarrassment.
Speaker: I don't want people to know
where I come from.
Speaker: I come from you.
Speaker: I don't want them to know
that.
Speaker: Ooh, the thanks, the
thangs, kids be doing.
Speaker: It's a lot.
Speaker: It is a lot.
Speaker: Um, okay, so other ways to
be an outsider separate from the
isolation
Speaker: of uh education and the
isolation of language disability.
Speaker: So uh notice that the bats
and rats are noiseless.
Speaker: Noiseless.
Speaker: That's very interesting.
Speaker: And so this reminds me of
being someone who has a hearing
impairment
Speaker: or is a part of the deaf
community, or even someone who might
Speaker: be on the autism spectrum
or um have a myth not not have all
four
Speaker: limbs, maybe they're in a
wheelchair, this disability
separating
Speaker: you from what you feel is
what everyone else has can do,
right?
Speaker: So this the Lovecraft
mentions how um the rats and bats,
they
Speaker: they are definitely
visible, they are definitely there,
they are
Speaker: definitely making noise,
and yet the sound is not hurt.
Speaker: And I think of my friends
in the deaf community, and my
friends
Speaker: in the community of those
who are blind or visually impaired,
Speaker: and how instantly when
walking into spaces, once it is
known that
Speaker: they are a member of this
other community, they can feel like
Speaker: an outsider.
Speaker: Now, um, you know, ideally
that space will welcome them in a
way,
Speaker: but so I worked at this
school, which um was a bilingual
school,
Speaker: so it was ASL and English,
and I really loved working at that
Speaker: school, but I felt terrible
that I struggled to make sure the
Speaker: teachers who did not speak
English felt included because I
didn't
Speaker: speak sign language.
Speaker: I didn't, and so I noticed
that the teachers would bring their
Speaker: students to my room in
order to uh have their dance lesson
of
Speaker: the day, and the teachers
just kind of tombed out because they
Speaker: didn't feel like they were
included, and I really had to try to
Speaker: find a way to invite them
to be a part of this, to want to be
Speaker: a part, and you know, if I
could have learned ASL within a
week,
Speaker: I would have done it, but
that just wasn't possible.
Speaker: Um and what we did find a
way to kind of bridge the gap and to
Speaker: uh I did my best in order
to help those teachers feel more
included,
Speaker: but how frustrating must
that be?
Speaker: Because this is your school
that you've worked at for years, and
Speaker: for an hour out of the day,
you're not being able or permitted
Speaker: or allowed to share your
ideas, your thoughts, your input.
Speaker: You know, um do we do we
have a translator there for the
entire
Speaker: time to translate
everything?
Speaker: And what and oftentimes
there would be someone in the room
who
Speaker: um was bilingual to assist
with any translation.
Speaker: But I also have to think,
well, what questions am I going to
direct
Speaker: to them in order to help
them feel a part of this and felt
help
Speaker: them uh have agency and
understand that their contribution
matters?
Speaker: Like, am I doing something
here that I would do or would not do
Speaker: if I were just in a room
with other teachers who were able to
Speaker: um hear me and speak to me
in English.
Speaker: And that's that's that is
something.
Speaker: Um because for the most
part, a lot of times, I might direct
a
Speaker: few questions towards that
other teacher in the room, but most
Speaker: of my attention is is on
the kids.
Speaker: Like that's mostly where
it's at.
Speaker: Um so yeah, there's that.
Speaker: Okay, so that is my comment
on disability as an outsider.
Speaker: Also, you know, think of
that person who's in a wheelchair
and
Speaker: wants to go to the school
dance and sees the dance floor is
crowded.
Speaker: You know, do they get on
the dance floor anyway?
Speaker: And do their friends kind
of hang around them and they dance?
Speaker: Does the friend who wants
to go dance with the cute boy um
have
Speaker: to balance the desire to go
dance with the cute boy or to stay
Speaker: with their friend who's in
the wheelchair to make sure their
friend
Speaker: feels accepted and not like
an outsider?
Speaker: So, yes, disability,
language, education, upbringing,
these are
Speaker: all ways in which Lovecraft
says you can be an outsider just
based
Speaker: on these things, right?
Speaker: Um now, also in terms of
education, someone who goes to a
school
Speaker: where it's taught from a
very specific worldview.
Speaker: So the person who goes to
an ultra-orthodox school or a
Catholic
Speaker: school or a Mormon school,
um, or even a wild and free
wilderness
Speaker: educational institution,
when it comes to integrating,
socializing
Speaker: with others, there there's
a gap.
Speaker: There is a gap because
there's this whole realm of things
that
Speaker: one simply does not know.
Speaker: Going from a school and the
projects to then being on campus at
Speaker: Yale or Harvard.
Speaker: And yeah, maybe it's all on
scholarship, which is totally fine.
Speaker: That's not the issue.
Speaker: The issue is understanding
how you relate to other people when
Speaker: you feel like all those
other people seem to have a lot of
money,
Speaker: or maybe they don't have a
lot of money, but when they're
speaking,
Speaker: it feels like they're
speaking with words that you don't
understand.
Speaker: Um, speaking of words,
there were a lot of big, beautiful
words
Speaker: in this story.
Speaker: Someone was like, what is
that?
Speaker: And I and I I really had to
like force myself to like, wait, I
Speaker: I do know that word.
Speaker: I I think I've read it in a
book years and years ago.
Speaker: So that's the one really
good thing about these stories is
that
Speaker: back in the day, authors
really enjoyed using words and
language,
Speaker: and stories were a way to
boost your education, build your
educational
Speaker: level, boost your
knowledge.
Speaker: You know, when you think
about it, someone stops going to
school
Speaker: and they start working,
they tend to kind of only learn
whatever
Speaker: it is that they're working
on.
Speaker: And so escaping with a good
book really allowed one to continue
Speaker: to learn about other
things, like big words.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So all of that is just on
what does it mean to be an outsider?
Speaker: And then we come to the
question of is it better to be an
outsider
Speaker: than the cause suffering?
Speaker: Which we did talk about
that the the parent at a distance,
but
Speaker: I just want to focus on the
um our narrator going to the house,
Speaker: that castle, and entering,
and then seeing, oh my goodness,
everyone
Speaker: is screaming and fleeing
and running out of here.
Speaker: What on earth has caused
this?
Speaker: Should I run too?
Speaker: And then, of course,
realizing, oh, I am the cause of
this pain
Speaker: and suffering, right?
Speaker: The look in the mirror,
that um hard, glassy surface at the
end.
Speaker: Just knowing that being an
outsider in and of itself is causing
Speaker: someone else pain and
suffering is a heavy, heavy burden.
Speaker: And I think of um, you
know, immigrant families where maybe
one
Speaker: of the parents um is not
born in the US and maybe they came
to
Speaker: the US as a child illegally
or something of that nature.
Speaker: And so having to then go
back to The country that they were
born
Speaker: in, but they hadn't been in
in like 20, 30 years.
Speaker: Having to leave just to
ease the pain on their family, just
so
Speaker: that their kids and their
spouse don't have to stress out
about
Speaker: that parent being deported.
Speaker: That's a lot.
Speaker: That's just a lot.
Speaker: And this story was written
back in 1926.
Speaker: But all of these things,
all of these lessons, thoughts that
Lovecraft
Speaker: brings up, they are still
ever so relevant today.
Speaker: Would we recognize our
loved ones F return from dead?
Speaker: A lot of times when someone
dies, there's this mourning.
Speaker: Oh, and I I I have talked
to people who are like, oh my gosh,
Speaker: I wish they were still
here.
Speaker: I miss them so much.
Speaker: If they came back, would
you welcome them with open arms?
Speaker: Would you recognize them?
Speaker: If they weren't the same,
would that be okay with you?
Speaker: In general, if a
decomposing body um steps into one's
happy home,
Speaker: that is not like a oh my
gosh, I'm so glad you came back from
Speaker: the grave.
Speaker: Um, let me get you a cup of
tea.
Speaker: Can you drink tea?
Speaker: How are you feeling?
Speaker: That's that's usually not
an invitation for a conversation.
Speaker: And death is definitely a
part of life, but I feel like the
story
Speaker: really planks out um the
unrealistic relationship people have
Speaker: with death.
Speaker: Because there's this idea
that when you die, you shouldn't
have
Speaker: died.
Speaker: Like you shouldn't have
died.
Speaker: Even if you died of old
age, oh, you know, you were eating
poisonous
Speaker: mushrooms, of course you
were gonna die.
Speaker: No, you shouldn't have
died.
Speaker: There's this idea that one
should not die, that just should not
Speaker: happen.
Speaker: And people should be in our
lives as long as we want them to be
Speaker: in our lives.
Speaker: So this also kind of goes
back to the idea of well, if you're
Speaker: an outsider, do you get to
say how long you're in someone's
life,
Speaker: or does the other person
get to determine it?
Speaker: Such big lessons, you guys.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: The desire for something
more.
Speaker: Our narrator starts, you
know, escaping through these books
and
Speaker: kind of longing to get out
of this dreary environment that
they're
Speaker: in.
Speaker: And this also takes me back
to those strict religious
communities
Speaker: where after a while
someone's like, you know what?
Speaker: I think I want to see what
else is out there.
Speaker: I just I'm curious.
Speaker: And to be fair, even I
would say even not strict religious
communities,
Speaker: because I've met people in
like rural Indiana who have only
known
Speaker: that town, lived in that
town, and then the next town over,
I've
Speaker: met people who were just
like, Yeah, I used to live in that
town,
Speaker: and I needed to get out.
Speaker: It just, you know the same
people all your life.
Speaker: So the very best I could do
was to move to the next town over.
Speaker: Um, this coming from
someone who has lived in many, many
states.
Speaker: Uh, but yeah, it is
definitely a thing to just only live
in your
Speaker: community that you're born
and raised in, to only be part of
that
Speaker: community.
Speaker: Even educationally, wanting
to know more than what you know,
this
Speaker: is something that a lot of
people really struggle with.
Speaker: I want to know more.
Speaker: I want to know what the
moon looks like, what the moonlight
might
Speaker: feel like if it feels like
anything.
Speaker: And so I really love the
description of this great effort to
get
Speaker: beyond where one is.
Speaker: And then, of course, that
that stone slab, I was like, oh my
gosh,
Speaker: you're gonna be trapped in
a room with dead bodies.
Speaker: I was very much worried
about that.
Speaker: Um, but that stone slab
falling back into place and being
like,
Speaker: oh.
Speaker: So oftentimes we will do
things, we will take a risk and hope
Speaker: that we can get back to
wherever it was we were.
Speaker: But once you take that
leap, once you take that risk,
there's
Speaker: no going back.
Speaker: Things will never be the
same.
Speaker: And thankfully, our
narrator does say at the end, they
don't even
Speaker: want to go back down there.
Speaker: They're okay with not going
back down there because they never
Speaker: want to go back to this
place of not knowing and of just
being
Speaker: in this dreary environment.
Speaker: Careful what you wish for.
Speaker: So this narrator was
wishing to get out into the light to
have
Speaker: a change of environment and
gets that, gets that very thing, but
Speaker: then realizes that it's
causing pain and suffering, not what
they
Speaker: thought it was gonna be.
Speaker: And so, oops, maybe, maybe,
maybe we should have just been a
little
Speaker: bit more cautious.
Speaker: But taking the risk is
what's the most important thing, and
as
Speaker: mentioned, there are no
regrets in that aspect.
Speaker: Okay, swimming lessons, you
guys.
Speaker: So change is inevitable.
Speaker: We all change, and though
this body has changed due to
decomposing
Speaker: underground, um, it's
something that happens to all of us.
Speaker: Not the well, not
necessarily the decomposing
underground.
Speaker: I mean, you might cremate
it or something.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: But in terms of all of us
changing, it's going to happen.
Speaker: And will you recognize
yourself after undergoing a big
change?
Speaker: Will you recognize yourself
when you are no longer in your
regular
Speaker: environment?
Speaker: Maybe you are the best
actor, performer in high school, but
then
Speaker: when you go to college, you
are no longer the best.
Speaker: How will you cope with this
new you, this new identity?
Speaker: Another thing that comes up
for me in this story is are the
things
Speaker: you despise actually just
parts of you?
Speaker: So it almost feels like two
separate stories.
Speaker: We have this adventure of
getting out of the crypt or from
underground,
Speaker: right?
Speaker: And then we have act two,
which feels like act two for me,
going
Speaker: into this castle and
encountering the living, and
everyone runs
Speaker: away, and our narrator sees
himself in the mirror and is just
Speaker: like, oh my gosh, that's
disgusting.
Speaker: It's not speaking, I can't
barely look at it, it's grotesque,
Speaker: it's rotting, I see bone,
ew, ew, ew, and then that reaching
out
Speaker: of the fingers and touching
that realization, that thing that
Speaker: was grossing me out, the
thing that I wanted to run away
from,
Speaker: I think is me.
Speaker: And this is actually
something I think of a lot in my own
life,
Speaker: in terms of okay, I don't
like that way that person is
training
Speaker: this other person.
Speaker: I feel like that person is
very self-absorbed, very
narcissistic.
Speaker: Or that person seems to
shop a lot and have no control over
their
Speaker: money.
Speaker: These things that I'm
observing that I'm saying, ooh, I'm
I'm
Speaker: not a fan of that, that I'm
passing judgment on.
Speaker: Are these also things a
part of me?
Speaker: Like in my analysis, I'm
sharing with you some of my
experiences
Speaker: and some things about me.
Speaker: Does this make me
narcissistic because I'm mentioning
me so much?
Speaker: Or I may not spend money on
clothes that I can't afford, but I
Speaker: might buy an extra thing of
vitamins because they're on sale,
Speaker: and I feel like I need
vitamins to make me healthier.
Speaker: Is that me having control
over my money?
Speaker: I couldn't afford it, but I
have to have it.
Speaker: And so the very idea of the
fact that the things that you are
Speaker: repulsed by are actually
things within you is very powerful.
Speaker: Are they fixable?
Speaker: Well, in this case, no.
Speaker: This this goodness guy is
not like, and I'm gonna put my face
Speaker: back together.
Speaker: They're not fixable in in
this particular story.
Speaker: But the awareness is enough
to prompt change, the awareness is
Speaker: enough to have him be like,
I'm not gonna go after those people,
Speaker: I'm not gonna punish myself
for being who I am, but I am going
Speaker: to leave this place.
Speaker: Knowing your place in the
world is the last thing I want to
get
Speaker: to that I feel this story
brings up.
Speaker: And so our character or
narrator goes back to the
churchyard,
Speaker: goes back to the crypt, but
does not go underground, never going
Speaker: back to where I once was,
but also understanding this world
that
Speaker: I wanted to be a part of is
just not gonna happen.
Speaker: The place that I belong is
somewhere else.
Speaker: Now I ride with the mocking
and friendly ghouls on the night
wind
Speaker: and play by day amongst the
catacombs.
Speaker: So it's like, look, I want
to be out there with the living, but
Speaker: that's not gonna work.
Speaker: I don't want to be in
denial, underground, deprived.
Speaker: So gotta find another place
for myself.
Speaker: But I know that my place in
this world is amongst the
non-living.
Speaker: That's my place.
Speaker: I I can't I can't go back
to where I was.
Speaker: And there's a really good
line that he has in here.
Speaker: And I quote, and at last I
resolved to scale that tower.
Speaker: Fall though I might, since
it were better to glimpse the sky
and
Speaker: perish, than to live
without ever beholding day.
Speaker: And if there is any message
that one should take away from this,
Speaker: I think this is it.
Speaker: Lovecraft is saying, It's
better to try and fall and fail than
Speaker: to never have tried at all.
Speaker: That's a pretty important
message.
Speaker: So if there's something out
there in life that you're thinking
Speaker: of trying or you're wanting
to try, and it's not going to hurt
Speaker: you or others, give it a
try.
Speaker: Because that's what our
narrator did.
Speaker: I hope you enjoyed this
story and do come back for another
Gothic
Speaker: tale.