13. Protection, the Nervous System & How We Help People Move | Barb

Over time, I’ve come to see that insight alone doesn’t always create new movement. Something in the body has to feel safe enough to move.

In this episode, I share how my understanding of the nervous system has quietly reshaped the way I coach, not by adding complexity, but by recognizing when conditioned protective mechanisms are shaping someone’s inner climate and their ability to take action.

We explore how protection narrows perception, how awareness widens it, and why we don’t need a perfectly settled internal state to make meaningful decisions, have difficult conversations, or step into what’s next.

This isn’t about becoming a nervous system expert. It’s about helping truth become livable, and supporting people at the thresholds where choice actually happens.

Thank you for listening! For more information and resources, visit Barb's website and Aila's website.

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Most of the powerful, unguarded conversations we have as practitioners happen behind the scenes. This podcast was created to bring those conversations forward. It’s a space for real talk about client work, presence, creating powerful containers for waking others up, embodied change, and the ways we continue to grow and meet our edges as we guide others.

Barbara Patterson (01:11)
Hi everyone. Welcome back. This is Barb. And today I want to share something that has been reshaping subtly, but yet powerfully the way I work with people. And it's been an evolution over the last few years. And you know, like most of what we do, it started first within me. And that's, I want to talk about the nervous system and

what that has to do with waking people up to who they are. What does that have to do with helping people step into their work and lives in a way that has meaning for them, help them achieve, you know, their goals, their heart's desires. But I have to start with, you know, the caveat that I am not all of the sudden a nervous system expert. but

That relationship between the nervous system and our own ability and capacity to step into new expression or to be with the full range of our humanness, like no longer looks like a separate conversation. It is very much related to me or for me. And this shows up in places that I've seen adding in this

where my own realization around it has made a big difference is clients who have insights but aren't able to seem to shift their behaviors. They see a lot in a session but it doesn't translate into new actions for them. Or people that really...

Like there's one client, and this is true for many people I've worked with, but I'm thinking of one person in particular right now who is ready to make a big leap, in a clearer internal state, feels really ready and feels resourced and absolutely knows that this is the next step for her. But

That said, still can't seem to hit the go button. You know, I've seen this with the practitioners and leaders I mentor who, you know, can point others towards these powerful truths, but like me, maybe struggle with their own transitions or certain areas in their life around maybe their practice or relationships where they feel like they just keep repeating the same old patterns.

You know, and just overall people who really deeply understand consciousness and presence and awakening yet find themselves still avoiding hard conversations or decisions or again, like me feel kind of get lost in this trap of trying to look for the right answer or the most aligned answer.

And what I've started to see is that the nervous system introduces a missing piece of the puzzle for me. That insight, when insight alone isn't creating new movement, that's often because we're trapped in or looping in a protective mechanism.

And these protective mechanisms can be subtle. They can be really rational, really reasonable thoughts like maybe the timing isn't right now. Maybe I need to get some more information. You know, maybe I should wait for this date because I'll know more. Maybe I shouldn't do this. You know, like just a lot of thinking. But when you take a step back and you start to look at it through the lens of protective mechanisms and the nervous system, I think it

potentially opens the door for some really new ahas and really for me has been incredibly supportive in having the inner freedom to step into places that traditionally I've overthought or I've hesitated or I've just been waiting for a deeper level of clarity before taking action and

And the other thing I want to say about this is not everywhere. You know, there's a lot of places in my life where I jump right in. What's that old quote? Leap in the net will appear. You know, there's so many times I'm willing to do that. And yet if I look honestly at my own journey, there have also been a couple of places where I just seem to keep revisiting.

patterns and it wasn't until I started to look in the direction of protective mechanisms in the nervous system that I started to experience some new openings and new freedoms. So,

You know, for instance, I have gone through periods where I can get really inspired and feel really clear and excited about what to do in my business and what I want to create. But then when it comes to actually sitting down and doing those things, I'm not doing them. And I used to look at it like,

I'm a procrastinator, I lack discipline, you know, I need more structure. So I would constantly look to the behavior or creating some kind of structure. And then of course that wouldn't really last. And it just looked like I wasn't committed enough or maybe what I wanted wasn't really aligned. But about five years ago now,

I think it was, I was on a retreat and in the middle of the retreat, I was feeling a lot of energy moving through my body and I was really restless and I wanted to get up and walk around, but nobody else was doing that. ⁓ I was trying my best to settle down. I mean, in the work that we do, right? It just like I was using all my best.

stuff to try and help myself settle. And in the middle of that, I heard this just kind of message voice, maybe my deeper wisdom say, you know, you can ask for help. And at first I was like, no, I got this. I got this. can do this. And then it was again, you know, you can ask for help. So ⁓ the assistant came over and I told her, said, I think I could use a little support. said, I'm okay, but I'm

really, really, really antsy and restless and uncomfortable in my skin and there's not anything clearly going on inside of me that I can point it to, you know, like in other words, there was no activity, no memory, no circumstance that I could tie it to. So the gentleman leading the retreat came over to me and he sat with me for a little bit and

you know, ⁓ we did a few things like breath and a couple other things, but then he left. And when I laid back down, you know, just kind of sat back down and laid down, I had this thought come in that was like, it's just your nervous system. Now he didn't mention the nervous system at all. So that was a thought that was new to me. And

As I thought it though, it was like I had this visual at the same time of like this electrical system in the body and it just all relaxed and my body literally like felt like it just sunk in to a new relaxed state when I realized it. it's just the nervous system. And I could see it's like, I just want to relax the nervous system.

I didn't have to try and figure out the content of what was going on. didn't have to try and, ⁓ you know, get better thinking or just survive it even. And that insight over the last five years has continued to open up new depths of understanding inside myself and new levels of connection and

yes, movement in places where before I struggled or I lost a lot of time kind of in these pauses, these stall places, I've noticed ⁓ when I look at the nervous system, there's something in that direction that offers me some inner freedom and

clarity. And so what I started to see, and this isn't as linear as I'm making it sound, you know, most inner

Shifts are not, but what happened over time was I started to see how unconsciously, know, from, you know, for a variety of reasons, our culture, our family, our past experiences, you know, we learn these ways to help us in the moment. And one of mine is to jump to my mind when I feel uncomfortable, I'm not sure what to do. Like, it's like almost an automatic, I'm up to my mind starting to problem solve.

Well, when I started to look at what if that's a protective mechanism, what would I be protecting myself from? Well, ultimately, it's usually always some feeling, some sensation. And if you've been listening or reading my stuff over the last year, a couple of years, you know that at the same time, I've been really curious about this idea of having a more direct experience of life like.

feeling more of the aliveness of it all, allowing myself to have the full range of the human experience, not trying to control life, you know, the illusion of controlling life, so that realizing like I can handle it all. It's all just sensation. It's all just energy moving through us. But I started to see like some of these protective mechanisms, ones that were unconscious becoming conscious were

just ways that our system and the intelligence of the system helped us get through something. But now as an adult woman, I'm like, no, no, I want more aliveness. I want the full range. I want to step into these new expressions. I want to create wealth and new levels. I want to create impacted new ways. I want to trust myself more fully.

I would love more love and intimacy in my life. know, all those directions require then a willingness for me to be able to hold those experiences, to meet them all. And yet if I'm, my nervous system is wired to feel any kind of threat or risk. And then as a result, I jumped to my mind or I stall or I pause or I changed direction completely. Then you can see how

it can create this feeling of stuck or feeling of nothing I do seems to work. So starting to see on a deeper level that I'm cultivating my ability for my nervous system to hold more of the human experience. I'm cultivating my awareness to know that all is well and I'm okay no matter what.

no matter what's happening, to see that when we wake up to the truth of who we are beyond a momentary experience or thinking or a conditioned mind, that that true nature, the nature of what we love pointing people to is well-being and resilience. But there were times when that knowing didn't seem to make a difference.

And again, coming back when I started to see, well, what if part of what's happening on an unconscious level is this conditioned thought or protective mechanisms or the nervous system is just, it just want to bring love and attention and consciousness to that. in doing that and looking in the direction of being able to handle

the direct experience of life as it's happening to meet what is has been a profound direction for me and for my clients. Now the nervous system understanding in that has been really helpful for myself to realize like, it was another level of understanding that I'm not up against a character flaw. I'm not up against, you know, bad habits or a low self-esteem. I'm not up against

you know, fear per se. All that's really happening is this incredible intelligence that of this nervous system in my past and how I got through moments is sort of it, it is.

Preempting, it's overused is maybe the way I wanna say it. And so in allowing consciously to direct my thinking down back into my body, so noticing, I'm looping again. Wow, I haven't taken action on that thing. I want it for a week or more. What's going on? Well, in this,

Direction what I get really curious about is not what am I avoiding what's wrong with me, but just simply Huh, if I weren't in my mind right now trying to figure it out and problem-solve What what's beyond this mind this thinking what's in the moment? Is there something there wanting to be met? wanting to be felt

You know, so again, awakening to our true nature, awakening to and hearing these deeper nudges, like when that happens, it begins to open the door. But what determines whether we walk through it or not is often this kind of deeper place, this remembering the felt knowing that we can handle the experience of walking through the door that

⁓ certainty and confidence and assuredness are all just protective mechanisms. That wanting to get it right, wanting it to be spiritual enough, know, exciting enough that everyone will say yes. That all of those are just innocent ways in which we're trying to protect ourselves from a future feeling. And if we knew we didn't have to protect ourselves from that feeling, what might we do?

You know, again, coming back to this, we don't need a perfect internal state to move. We don't have to be calm to step into conversations, even though we know there's a relationship between our, quality of our internal state and our communication, our awarenesses, our leadership, our presence. We don't have to get to perfect first.

It's the awareness and knowing that as we engage, movement is often what creates things shifting.

So this piece around how does this show up for you is always the place that, you know, we're going to encourage you to look first. So where have you been looking at places that, you know, you keep feeling like this is familiar? I've been here before, or I've been wanting to change this thing for a long time and nothing I do works. Or perhaps you're feeling like you're living in a level of apathy or

There's something you really want, but you just can't seem to step into it or you're waiting for something before you do that. Waiting for more reassurance or clarity or certainty. Those are all really perfect places to hold lightly and to just drop in out of the story, out of the protective mechanism of the mind and just ask yourself and go into the body, drop in and notice where is the sensation.

You know, where is the curiosity? What does it have to tell you?

Where's your own inner climate when you think about this thing you want to create or do? You know, what happens inside your system?

And then when we sit with it and we just give our full presence to it, starts like all energy, all feeling, it starts to move, but it can take us somewhere. And often where it wants to take us is maybe very different or just a slightly different from where the mind is taking us. So when you're looking at yourself, I think this direction to remember that you're building your

capacity for the nervous system to hold the full range of the human experience you're building your capacity to be with the full range of your human experience and when we Increase our capacity to hold it to be with it. We're able to experience more we're not narrowing life or narrowing choices or

start stopping stalling, pausing, overthinking, hesitating because we're afraid at some level of a future feeling.

So this piece about first for you, but then how do you bring it to a session? Again, without over-complicating, without trying to become a nervous system expert unless you want to. But knowing this, knowing that bringing this language into my sessions has been really supportive for my clients, no matter where they're coming from.

There's something about helping them look in the direction of the body, looking in the direction of embodiment, of taking them out of having to figure themselves out that just creates so much more room for new insight, for them to drop into the body. See, the nervous system doesn't speak the language of the mind. It doesn't respond to better thinking, right?

The nervous system resets when it relaxes. So all those things we do to help our bodies relax, to help our inner climate go more to neutral, to presence, to drop into the felt knowing of our okayness in that direction is also the direction of a slowed down, more open, regulated nervous system.

And in that direction, we feel it, we touch something and it leaves a residue.

So in the same way that we might talk to someone, hey, you know, when you're in a busy mind or you're really revved up, you're urgent, you just don't, your thinking ⁓ gets affected. Your ability to connect gets affected. This is all we're really saying. We're pointing people to an understanding that when they're able to...

expand their capacity for their nervous system to hold more experience, then it allows them to ride that human experience with more grace and wisdom. You know, we still have the ups and downs. This isn't about getting into a perfect state so you can do anything. This is just like overall in general, as we move in the direction of our okayness, no matter what

feeling and sensation is moving through our body, our nervous system regulates. The nervous system is really reacting to the old pattern of this story behind it. So if we have a story that if we make the wrong decision, you know, we'll lose everything, then of course the nervous system is going to be on vigilance.

And no matter what you do, it's going to be saying, are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? But when you begin to embody and practice feeling whatever it is, feeling the feeling and the sensation, then in real time, the nervous system realizes, I don't have to run from this sensation. I can be with it and I'm safe. I can be with it and we're OK. You know, just a couple of weeks ago, I had a

conversation with my sister and I after we talked I worried that I had maybe said something that upset her and and then we text on something and of course by that time ever my filter was completely around I had done something wrong and so you know her taking too long to respond back to me meant she was upset with me

All the things we do. But the next morning when I was getting ready, I realized that's a good example of where, unconsciously, like I know better. Like, you know, we're good. We love each other deeply. We're good. But man, my reactivity and where my mind went and that sort of vigilance and, you know, I was like scanning for what I could have done wrong.

I was scanning for what I could have done better, what she might be upset with, and I just realized our relationship is not fragile. So it was a perfect example for me to see what we're talking about here, how without conscious thought, I was just in this pattern of vigilance around scanning for what I had done wrong.

And that's just an example. Like there's nothing there. There's no juice there, nothing worthy there. It's just a pattern. It's just a habit of mind. It's just something got activated. So I don't have to change it. I don't have to do anything. But as soon as I saw it, I knew where to go. It's like, yeah, I can go inside. can relax my body. I can drop into breath. I can be with the sensation that's there, that sort of anxiety that maybe I'd done something wrong.

not the story of it, but the sensation that was happening. See, the mind is trying to sort out sensation and it just can't do it. When we sit with sensation, the direct experience of whatever is, the feeling of whatever is, that's when we realize we can be with it. We can be with it and we're okay and it actually transmutes on its own.

So I had in that client example, you know, bringing in the conversation around the nervous system and helping her realize that her anxiety isn't telling her she's onto something, that often the anxiety is just sensation that wants to be met and that she can meet it.

You know, it's yes, it's thought a part of it, our old conditioned ideas and all about a part of it, yes. But it was almost simpler to just drop in and see, can you feel that you got activated? Can you feel that the mind is grasping for certainty when there just might not be any? And she said, yes. And I said, so let's just sit with the feeling of uncertainty for a moment.

let's just see what's there. And in doing that and slowing it down and just being with it without interpreting it, without following story, different things would come up. She might have a memory with it. But in general, what we were aiming for was, can you be with it? Can you see just being with it that your nervous system begins to settle? And that fight or flight or like I was sharing at the beginning, freeze.

Paw stall, another way to say freeze, ⁓ is just realize it's not needed. It's not needed.

Another client I'll share in case it's helpful is she had just made a commitment to something and she had committed to a new job and a new role and it's something she'd never done and it was at a level of responsibility she'd never had before. And she was really excited about it. But then in the couple of weeks before when she was leaving one job and stepping into this new one.

She started having waves and waves of second guessing and doubts and.

When we were able to get out of the mind, know, like I could just feel in the session, this wasn't about reassuring, like going back to the logic of her choice, right? It just wasn't. In our work together, I know the level of listening and wisdom and insight and excitement she has about this choice. So I was able to see like, yeah, some often in a commitment.

you know, it'll stir things up, you know, when we're getting ready to make a big change or we've made one, things get stirred up for whatever reason. And so in our work, we were able to just slow down to be with the sensations that was there to go beyond the story of the self doubt and just stay with that self doubt like that, that feeling of that. in that she was just able to see

that what was on offer, what was being invited in this transition was a whole new level of opening her heart and trusting herself on a deeper level. That this decision was her saying yes to herself and to her.

potential in a new way. And that felt really exciting. And at some point it tipped over to feeling really scary. And again, it was just through sitting with the direct experience, allowing it to be there, holding a container for that, not over-processing it, not trying to get to a root cause, just being with it and letting the sensation move.

take her somewhere that she just completely relaxed and ⁓ was able to then over the next week that she had off be really present to her family. Where prior to that she was like thinking she had to study and prepare and do a bunch of stuff that just was made sense when she was in her fear. When she was in the reactivity of her nervous system and her inner climate was really.

distorted and on high alert. But once she settled in and she gave presence to the doubt, gave presence without trying to change it, shift it, move it, understand it intellectually. When she was able to be with, she also saw that part of what she is resisting isn't just the fear of the unknown, but was the aliveness.

She really saw like, yeah, man, this level of aliveness is new to me and I'm excited and is it safe? Is it safe to feel this level of hopefulness and excitement? So again, me talking to her and trying to tell her it is might be helpful in the moment, but by being with and staying present during that conversation to all of that, she walked away with the felt knowing.

that she could handle the aliveness and that it was actually something that she was expansive to her was to allow that much aliveness into her life, even with knowing there's no guarantee. So I wanna encourage you.

Just to experiment with, what if some of the protective mechanisms, the patterns that you have going on, whether they're patterns of overreactivity or patterns of stalling or patterns of changing your mind or being unable to decide, what if, just hold lightly, what if they aren't just like, what if all they are is just conditioned protective mechanisms?

And if you got curious about what they're protecting you from, and not just the story, not the story of them, but the sensation, the feelings underneath that, and you just practiced being with and giving full presence to the sensation and the feeling, what might open up for you?

And this full range of the human experience when we want to have more impact or more love or more adventure or...

more expression in our work and life in that direction are endless rivers of

experience and a really powerful embodied knowing that you can trust life, you can trust it all, you can meet it with love and compassion, you can ride the full range with the aliveness of it all. And the more you know that, ⁓

The more you have a felt knowing of it, the more it serves you and the people that you work with. Well, thank you. I think that's it for now. I would love to hear any reflections you have. can email us at insidethepractitionerspath at gmail.com. We'd love to hear how you're enjoying the episodes, what you'd like to hear more of.

So if you haven't had a chance to do that, we would love it if you would take time and just check in with us as we begin to create more and more episodes. We wanna know what's on your mind. Thank you everybody, we're so grateful to have you here. Until next time.