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Record Live is a conversation about life, spirituality and following Jesus in the Seventh-day Adventist Church.
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βHello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Record Live. We are coming at you today with a little bit of a Valentine's Day special talking about relationships, what makes them last, how to keep the spark alive, and so on. So if you're dating, if you're single, if you're married, I'm sure there'll be something that you can take from this conversation.
But first of all, welcome Jared. You are of course interviewing today, but I'm sure that you have a lot to impart on this topic.
Oh, I don't know. Yeah, I've been married for a few years. Oh, you're putting me on the spot. 13 years now. This year will be 13th anniversary. So yeah, we're figuring it out day by day, year by year.
And do you have Valentine's Day plans? Are you a Valentine's Day couple or do you just forget about it?
We're not great at Valentine's Day. Usually it's an excuse to have a bit of a nice dinner or make or buy a card of some description. , my wife and I have talked this year about and we're pre recording this so That's why I'm not as organized as I could be.
My wife and I talked about us doing something nice for our kids. We've got a boy and a girl, so she might get a little card, make a little card for our son, and I've got my daughter there. I'll try and find something that, , we'll make her. Yeah, feel special for the day and we'll just, treat them, spoil them a little bit.
, I think that's the plan this year.
Awesome. Well, we are not just talking with you today. We are also talking to two very special guests who I've known for a long time. , their names are Patsy and Greg. So, Let's welcome them on. Hello Greg. Thank you for joining us. Thank you. Now, , let me get this straight.
I believe that you guys have been married for over 30 years. Can you, do you remember how long you've been married for?
This is our 44th year.
44th. Nice. So good. Impressive. Very impressive. You're going well. You're
going well, Jarrod.
13. Keep it up.
Thank you.
Now.
We have had relationship conversations on Record Live before, but we have often spoken to counsellors and Couple therapist about it.
And what I really wanted to do today was to just have a conversation with two down to earth people who are doing marriage Well, I guess from my opinion , and Kat and Greg were my first preference. So I'm really glad that they said yes now you're a couple that from my perspective still seem to really enjoy each other's company, which I find amazing After 44 years, and I think whenever I see you guys, I often see you laughing together and enjoying each other's company.
And so yeah, I'm just excited for this conversation, but before we get into things, can you just start by telling us a little bit about your story? Like, was it love at first sight for you guys? Or was it something else? How did you meet?, just give us a bit of insight into.
Well, it wasn't love at first sight. No, it wasn't one of those dramatic things. No,
it wasn't. We both were living in Perth at the time and I was still at, , high school. I was in my last year at Carmel College and, I had a friend there in my class who said, Oh, you should meet Greg. He's a really nice guy.
So, okay. So I organised to go to her church and We meet on the steps of Mount Lawley Church and, yeah, nothing happened. I think I was too young. There's five year age difference, so I was like 17 and Greg was 22. I was just a school girl. Anyway, the next year we went to college and we met each other there and I thought he was pretty cute.
Yeah, we did some activities together, went skating, what have you. grew into each other. Really. We just enjoyed each other's company. And so that was the start of it. But I think
there was a spark there. Definitely.
Do you guys still go skating together?
Not us skating, no.
Don't want to break any bones.
We do stuff together. We do a lot of stuff together.
When you say college, was that Avondale College?
Avondale, Avondale
College, yep. Can you tell us a little bit, so if it wasn't love at first sight, what, how did the relationship develop after that? So did you get married at college or after?
Did you live apart, live together? As in, sometimes people get called out of college to different jobs at different places and they have to do long distance for a while. What, what did it look like, beyond that? Well, Jada,
we actually did get married at college, , I think it was the first two years we were both indoors and then we got married and we lived outdoors.
So we had the double experience of being indoor and outdoor students. . We
had a year off in between and did some,
yeah, did some other stuff. So, but yeah, married at college. In fact, I think we were the second marriage in the new girls chapel, just at the new girls chapel there.
Back in 1980.
1980.. Greg, you mentioned that you still do a lot of fun things together. Nowadays, what does your life kind of look like? Like, what do you do that is fun together? Or how do you keep things, I guess, exciting?,
well, we do a lot of camping and traveling together. We really, , love camping and we love the outdoors.
, we do, we do do sports and just general activities suitable for 60 year olds, like gardening or something like that. But we try and do stuff together. We still enjoy each other's company and, you
know. I mean if it's things like renovating the house or Yeah, we've got 10 acres, so there's always plenty to do outside and yeah, help Greg and he does most of it, mind you.
, but yeah, we help each other and spend time together.
And, I imagine over 44 years, there's been some ups and downs,, over the course of any relationship. There's not always smooth sailing, but can you tell us how you navigate? The rollercoaster that is a relationship to make it strong, through that many years of being together.
Good question. I think as you, when you do get married, it's,, it's a joining of two different cultures, really, even if it's not an actual, , you know, culture, culture. It's two different families coming together who have their own cultures. And then there's also, you've got your own personality we're quite different in a way.
Greg's more of an introvert and I'm an extrovert, so I remember when we first got married, one of our first Saturday nights, and, Greg was like, okay, we're just watching the television or whatever, just staying at home, and I'm like, well, this is it, aren't we going out? And I'd be like, nah, what do we want to go out for?
And I'm like, yeah. I think it's like good grief. What's going on here? So it was, ,
I think a bit of a shock to it. 44 years. She still bangs on about it.
I mean, I guess you , get to know each other's personality and in a way you, you given your take and you become perhaps even a bit more like each other after 44 years. So that. You're, yeah, you much, you know each other so well and you know what the other person likes and doesn't like and Yeah, you're able to meet each other's needs that way, I guess and
as far as conflict goes, I think There's always conflicts in marriages,, but I think you always need to keep in mind your appreciation for the other person, for your partner, never lose the fact that you really, really appreciate this person.
And if it's something significant that you're trying to sort out, You can leave it for a day and come back to it. You know, you don't try and solve it on the day. You just sit on it and you can both cool down or whatever it needs to happen. And I think through and one person might feel really strong about something and the other person not so.
So it's a give and take situation in this situation. Okay. You let your partner have her way there or whatever. Give and take, really,, Yeah,
is that, I was gonna say, have you guys figured out your dance of anger or your conflict resolution strategies? Like, I think when people start a relationship, that's what they first have to, start to learn, is how to fight well with each other.
do you guys have a certain way that you go about arguments or conflict, or do you just change it up every time, depending?
Oh,
not really. We've ditched the whoever shouts the loudest type of method, you know.
And I don't really like conflict, so I've tended to avoid it a lot. Yeah, so, I don't know, we just seem to work things out eventually and, , and learn, I suppose, more to talk about than what we, what we used to.
in my experience, like. You have to have the goal of oneness at the end of the day when you're married You've got a I don't know things can come along that are bumps, but I guess The end result that you want the outcome that you want is to stay together and make it work so you've got to find ways to navigate that and I've noticed for myself when I put the other person first and make sure and that's not just doing everything she wants to do all the time, but it's like making sure that keeping this thing working is the number one outcome, then you have to find a way.
Whereas if you feel like, Oh, it's just, I have needs and I need to go fulfill those, , things break down pretty quickly. When, when you go like that, I'm wondering just because it is valentine's day this week and we're thinking about those things. What about keeping keeping the spark alive?
Or I imagine it changes over different seasons. My wife and I have very young Children at the moment, so it's tough to invest in each other , to, I suppose, prioritize each other. Cause we're running around changing dirty nappies, not getting a lot of sleep at night, that thing.
So I, I understand the seasons change through life, but how do you keep the spark alive? Valentine's day is supposed to be a little opportunity to spoil your partner during the year,. But how do you guys, how have you found it? In terms of investing in one another, investing in the relationship over the years, doing things to keep the spark going.
Well, I guess Greg isn't a romantic person, really. So we've never done that.
To be honest with you, I didn't know it was Valentine's Day this
week.
I reminded you. That's right. They come and they go. The only thing I remember about Valentine's Day itself. Locky's birthday. Why? Yeah, it just sort of come into our heads.
Does it really? , but we always have certainly celebrated anniversaries. Even when the kids were little, we would always get them babysat by friends or something., and always do that. We've definitely done that all the time for our anniversaries and, maybe gone away. I think for our 25th, we went away or without the kids and stuff like that.
So we certainly celebrate our milestones and next year being 45, we are planning something special. No,
like I've got to admit, I'm terrible on this sort of thing. And a Patsy is resorted to buying her own flowers.
But besides that, we work. It's just like I said before, you do things together,, and different things that,, I want to get into a monotonous routine about things, just do things, something new, something different. I think,
I think just,, Like Greg said, showing appreciation and that, but, just sharing the love, in some way every day, just, so that they know that you do love them and tell them so,, or, just do things for each other, be there for each other.
We do actually spend quite a lot of time together, we don't have any, quirky little things that we do,, like Greg says, well we just do life,
yeah, yeah. It's the little things, yeah, it can be just the little things you do. You notice? And that can, it can be the little things that, , create the cement that keep together.
It's not the big things. It can be just the little things of appreciation, you know? So
I think you're on the money. I think it's the Gottman Institute of Love or something. Some research center of love. , They said that, the number one sign of like a healthy long term relationship is like those little bids of attention throughout the day.
So it's like showing your appreciation or when your partner gets excited about something., getting excited with them, and so it's, , we think it's these big things, but it's actually just the really small things, like you're saying, , . ,
Greg was into birding, like, years ago, and I never was, really, but, you know, we went on one particular trip and looked through his binoculars and saw that the birds were amazing, , that got me hooked, and I think he's pretty glad that I like it as well, because it's something we can share.
So that's just one example and so when we go on trips we try to include places where we can go birding and do things like that together. Birding and skating.
Love it.
I
haven't done
skating for a long time.
Maybe it's, maybe this is going to be your Valentine's Day activity. Well
that's
true, yeah.
I,
, how much is it that you have or need to have or cultivate, , , common interests. I'm always interested. I'm fascinated by the idea that, , a lot of times you feel like you've ended up with someone who's very much opposite to you or,, Patsy, you mentioned you and Greg are quite different,, introverted, extroverted and that complimentary aspect to it.
How much do you need to find real? In common things, and how much is it okay to actually just be different and just to somehow still connect, even though you're on sometimes different wavelengths or at least doing different activities that you enjoy? As opposed to the other person not enjoying those things.
Sure.
, I think it's a matter of, , having a go and trying to do some of those things that maybe your partner likes, but you don't particularly. But if you,, put them first and have a Oh yeah, well, he likes that. Oh, try and do that. And then you might actually find that you like it and so then you can enjoy it that way.
The other thing that we do, like we know that we're quite different in personality, like having people around or having your own time. Greg likes to have his own time, his quiet time. And if I had my way, I'd probably be with people all the time. But, on a weekend, Greg will say,, you want to go, what do you want to do?
Who do you, should we have somebody over? Because he knows that that's important for me. And so I think that, and I think he quite enjoys it, but he likes to have his quiet time too. So it's,, I think all the way throughout marriage, it's being compromised, , you have to not just have your own way in all things, but to give and take.
I,, want to come across in the wrong way. I enjoy my friends. I enjoy people. I do enjoy them. I can spend all day with them, but there comes a time where I wear out. Well, whereas Pesce gets energized, she gets ramped up and. She'll go all night. , I just can't do that. You ask my honoree to go to bed, but she'll go all night.
If she just gets energized with this. But Jared, I think it's important too, that you allow your part, their own time to do their own things, special things. And so we give each other the freedom to go and do their particular interest or whatever. So you can't be tied to each other all the time. Others, , has their own things that.
Yeah, she goes and does, and I'll do mine, so there is that aspect of not getting jealous of other people. You need to spend time with them all the time and give them the freedom to pursue their own interests., that has to be the case, really, I think. Not
be in each other's pockets too much. No,
no, exactly right.
We enjoy each other's company. We're probably , happiest when we're together, , but there are times when Betsy needs to go and do a thing and I need to go and do my thing, you know, so.
There was a time that, oh, last year my sister wanted me to go overseas with her for five weeks. I just couldn't do it.
I didn't want to be separated from Greg for that long, just the way it is.
You guys said earlier on that you've been married for 44 years. We've kind of been asking you questions, but I guess without speaking into you guys, what do you guys think the strengths of your relationships are?
Probably things we've already said. Really.,
you know, we, we dunno why it's worked. You know, it's, it's just work. I don't know. There's something, it's,, we're not an equation that if you do this plus this, plus this equals good marriage. You know, I don't think human nature's like that where people, we humans.
, just because you do this, this, this, doesn't mean to say you're going to have a happy and successful marriage. There are things that come up, you know, most of our friends,, are still together after many, many years. There's only a few that are separated, and I can't say why they've failed and why not.
It's just, sometimes it works and you can try and do everything right, but sometimes the spark, just dies and it doesn't work, so. And it's the way you do things., you can't be judgmental. I remember, I can't remember what it was that some, , TV personally, this morning show., and I don't know who it was or what I just read about this.
And she started off with saying, let me take you back to the 1950s. And then she started talking about the young mother and the things she used to do with her husband in appreciation for him being at work all day. And that included getting his lunch and doing all these things. And she was sort of speaking in a mocking tone of that's what happened in the fifties, but we don't do that now.
We don't get our husband lunches and all of that. That's none of her business, you know, that's We can't sort of judge people the way they do their relationships. She felt she needed to do that to show appreciation, that's the way she did it. So I don't think she had the right to sort of mock her for doing that.
Yeah. Because it didn't fit into the modern marriage, formula type thing. People do marriages differently and they need to work out what works for them.
, I think that probably our relationship too has been strengthened by the difficult times that we have gone through., particularly the death of our son and that whole process. , that wasn't easy, but in a lot of marriages do dissolve. We saw when we were in hospital, like 80 percent of marriages who have sick Children that are dying don't last, which is pretty high stat. But I feel for us, it kind of, , made us realize what the important things in life were. And, yeah, I don't know.
It just seemed to gel us together. I feel that anyway. And we were a good support to each other.
I think one of the things is, separation is never on the table. That's not considered, you know, you don't consider separation as a solution to a problem. Yeah. Don't even go there. You need to sort out the problem. It's not an option we hold for ourselves.
Yeah, we committed to this marriage and we're in 100%. And, I never even contemplated , that separation would be something. If you want your marriage to work, I think you've, you've got a pretty good chance of making it work if you really try,
but having said that, there are probably partnerships where separation is,, the only solution. Yeah, there's certain things that happen in marriages that, we're not to judge on that. No, no.
Yeah, and I appreciate you sharing that because, yeah, , I know. People who have had children in that situation and their marriages haven't worked out. And yeah, it's just such a, hard thing to go through, losing a child. So yeah, I appreciate you sharing, as we, go through this, I guess one element we haven't touched on.
And obviously we're a,, church organization. We have faith, , that is important to us.. For you guys and your relationship, your marriage, how have you seen God and faith play into that relationship it's important for
us, you know,
I feel like, , just like I know that God loves me and he made me and he made me for relationships really.
And, knowing that he designed marriage and that it's sacred and I do actually think that he's brought us together., and I'm so glad that he has. And, , , it's kind of like it's a grounding thing for your marriage to know that God's , God's got you, God's got your back and he wants you to have a happy relationship and bring your children up in that environment.
It's pretty important. And having the same beliefs, I think is also, although, , you might differ a little bit on some things, but. Having that makes your relationship quite cohesive, I feel, like,, lessens the conflict, if there's going to be any. I think it'd be quite hard to be married to someone that didn't have the same beliefs as you.
And I really admire people that can still have a strong relationship, even though they differ on religious grounds, because it is so important, your spirituality, to who you are. Yeah, so I think you have your own faith journey, but yeah, having that grounding, knowing that you believe in the same God and that,, it's pretty important, I feel.
Yeah. Awesome. Well,
I guess to wrap things up here, and thank you for all that you've shared. On Record Live, we do like to get practical with things, and so you can answer this. I'd love to hear from both of you on this. You can answer this. One of two ways. What advice would you give to people in relationships today?
Or what is the best piece of advice that you guys have received of our relationships that has helped you?
I don't know if we're qualified to be giving advice, but the only advice I've received is from my mother. And maybe she felt like I needed this advice, but two words is be nice.
Be nice.
Yeah. Oh look, just appreciate, appreciate your partner, honestly.
Yeah, I think , be committed and stick to it., love every day, love wins. Enjoy the journey, have fun. , don't sweat the small stuff, I don't know. Yeah, just, enjoy each other's company because really you don't know what's around the corner.
you may not come home that night or something like that. So many things happen. So it's important to show that you love each other every day and just keep building on that. It'll happen.
We just feel it's fortunate. It's worked for us. We don't have any. It's hard to say why it's worked for, it just has worked for us and we feel very fortunate for that.
, I don't know if there's, a formula to that, just some work and some don't.
Yeah,
well I think it, maybe you guys consider yourselves lucky but you've , you're a good example anyway and so yeah, I'm just thankful that. You've got to share with us today, while your experience has been like, and yeah, you're just your thoughts on marriage relationships and all of that.
So thank you for your time. Thank you for being willing to share with us. And yeah, just appreciate it. Thanks
Anita. And thanks for thinking we qualify.
44 years is definitely runs on the board. So yeah, well done. And here's to many more years. Thank you. And for all of our viewers watching this, we hope you've gotten something helpful and we will see you next week on Record π Live.
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