Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques

Be ready, stay grounded, and communicate clearly — no matter what’s at stake.

Communicating under pressure isn’t just a useful skill — it can be the difference between escalation and resolution. For Chris Voss, former FBI hostage negotiator and CEO of The Black Swan Group, it’s a daily discipline built on empathy, self-regulation, and intentional listening. In this expanded conversation from our Spontaneous Speaking miniseries, Voss offers a rare window into the mindset and methods that helped him show up calm, focused, and adaptable when the pressure is sky-high.
“Emotional intelligence is an insane accelerator to outcomes,” Voss shares, explaining how empathy, tone, and timing can shift the direction of any conversation. He breaks down techniques like labeling and mirroring, explores how to use silence and word choice strategically, and explains why overthinking can be just as risky as acting too fast. From gut-level pattern recognition to tactical use of voice, Voss shows how communication becomes more impactful when we’re not trying to control — but to connect.
In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Voss and host Matt Abrahams dive into how negotiation techniques developed for life-or-death situations can be applied far beyond them — offering powerful takeaways for anyone who needs to think clearly under pressure, stay agile in the moment, and communicate effectively when it matters most.

Episode Reference Links:

Connect:

Chapters:

  • (00:00) - Introduction
  • (01:06) - Path to Hostage Negotiation
  • (01:58) - Power of Emotional Intelligence
  • (03:16) - Staying Calm Under Pressure
  • (04:26) - Mental Prep & Mindset
  • (05:34) - Trusting Your Gut
  • (06:14) - Avoiding Overthinking
  • (07:17) - Flexibility in Negotiations
  • (08:31) - Listen More, Talk Less
  • (08:47) - Labeling & Mirroring
  • (11:07) - Tone Shapes Impact
  • (12:22) - The Final Three Questions
  • (17:07) - Conclusion

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Creators and Guests

Host
Matt Abrahams
Lecturer Stanford University Graduate School of Business | Think Fast Talk Smart podcast host
Guest
Chris Voss
Negotiation Coach, Keynote Speaker, Author, CEO at The Black Swan Group, Ltd

What is Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques?

One of the most essential ingredients to success in business and life is effective communication.
Join Matt Abrahams, best-selling author and Strategic Communication lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business, as he interviews experts to provide actionable insights that help you communicate with clarity, confidence, and impact. From handling impromptu questions to crafting compelling messages, Matt explores practical strategies for real-world communication challenges.

Whether you’re navigating a high-stakes presentation, perfecting your email tone, or speaking off the cuff, Think Fast, Talk Smart equips you with the tools, techniques, and best practices to express yourself effectively in any situation. Enhance your communication skills to elevate your career and build stronger professional relationships.

Tune in every Tuesday for new episodes. Subscribe now to unlock your potential as a thoughtful, impactful communicator. Learn more and sign up for our eNewsletter at fastersmarter.io.

Matt Abrahams: While most
communication situations are not life

and death, sometimes they can be.

We can all learn to handle the
pressure when under the gun.

My name is Matt Abrahams and I
teach strategic communication at

Stanford Graduate School of Business.

Welcome to Think Fast
Talk Smart, the podcast.

As part of our four part miniseries on
spontaneous speaking, we introduced you

to a number of coaches whose jobs require
successful, in the moment communication.

So many of our listeners found value
in our coaches' advice that we wanted

to provide you with an opportunity
to hear our complete interviews.

So today I am excited for
you to learn from Chris Voss.

Chris is a former FBI lead international
kidnapping and hostage negotiator.

He's the CEO of the Black Swan
Group and co-author of Never

Split the Difference: Negotiating
As If Your Life Depended On It.

Let's jump right in and learn from Chris.

Chris, welcome.

I look forward to our conversation.

Chris Voss: Thank you.

Yeah, so do I. Let's, uh, let's
go on an exploration here.

Matt Abrahams: Alright.

So for over twenty years you were
a lead FBI hostage negotiator.

What trainings and experience
led you into that role?

Chris Voss: When I specifically
began to train for it was when

I volunteered on a crisis slash
suicide hotline in New York City.

I was told the best preparation was
to volunteer on a suicide hotline, and

as it turned out, that was the case.

And then after that, you go to the
FBI's two week school at Quantico.

If you're a hostage negotiator anywhere
on earth, the training at Quantico is

one of the trainings you want to go to.

And I loved it.

And I stayed volunteering
on the crisis hotline for a

couple more years after that.

And I did a lot of teaching, but
a lot of it is then self-directed

and recognizing it's a perishable
skill and not letting it perish.

Matt Abrahams: What were one or two
of the key things you learned from

the, the work you did with the suicide
hotline and, and maybe even Quantico?

What were a couple of the skills
they taught you that you think were

invaluable to the role you have?

Chris Voss: What I learned was
emotional intelligence is an

insane accelerator to outcomes.

You know, we speculate that
the application of empathy

accelerates you to wherever you're
gonna go fourteen times faster.

And I kind of got an inkling of
that on a suicide hotline when

they first said there's a twenty
minute time limit on all calls.

Like, you gotta be kidding me.

There are anecdotal stories all the time
of people being on a phone overnight,

staying up all night trying to talk
people outta killin' themselves, how

can you do this in twenty minutes?

And they said, well, as a matter
of fact, if you're doing it

right, it won't take that long.

And that ended up being the case.

And you know, I learned emotional
intelligence, they called it

reflective listening at the time.

This is early 1990s.

It's derivative of a
psychologist named Carl Rogers.

But I remember using it on the hotline
thinking like, uh, if this is this

effective with people in crisis, why
doesn't everybody in my life deserve it?

Why don't the, my family, my friends,
my colleagues, people I arrest

deserve empathy is an FBI agent.

And in point of fact, I started
applying it on everything that I did.

Matt Abrahams: You've negotiated
in incredibly high pressure

situations where life is on the line.

How do you stay calm and collected?

Chris Voss: You know, anything that
looks easy, that somebody makes look

easy, they put a lot of time into.

I really started on the suicide hotline.

They would put us on a line
while we were still in training,

about halfway through training.

They taught us enough to put us on
a line supervised, there's somebody

right there, take the phone outta
your hand if you start saying stupid

stuff to the person on the other end.

Which is entirely possible because
advice is usually counterproductive.

It's short circuits
their thinking process.

So the first time that I was
on the line, I remember saying,

hello, this is helpline.

Just like that.

And a supervisor said, your
tone of voice is great.

That was great.

So I thought, okay, well
I gotta repeat that.

You break it down into small pieces,
you practice it live, and then you

practice it in small stakes interactions.

I mean, I gotta practice these skills
today, that, it's not bike riding.

I gotta practice every day
or my skills deteriorate.

Matt Abrahams: So it's the notion of
practice and finding opportunities that

are low stakes to really work on that
and, and to keep those skills fresh.

And it sounds like, at least early on, you
had a direct mentor sitting there giving

you feedback and advice as you went, and
that's, that's also important, I believe.

Before you go into a negotiation or
a high stake situation like that, do

you do anything to prepare yourself?

Do you do some deep
breathing, some centering?

What, what do you do to prepare when
you walk into one of these situations?

Chris Voss: I do a sort of daily
prep because I never know when a high

pressure situation's gonna come at me.

So the cliches, the gratitude
exercise first thing in the morning.

The phraseology that, you know,
this is happening for me, not to me.

Calms you down in the moment.

You gotta practice that.

When I was on a, as a hostage
negotiator, I had just relied on

the process so much that I was good.

You know, I don't know sure how this is
gonna come out, but the, the best outcome

is if I just follow the, the process
that I know, you know, use the skills

and, and, and let it go where it may.

Matt Abrahams: So it sounds like there
was a bit of a ritual to your practice.

Uh, it sounds like you continue that
practice, but it's really about, uh,

relying on what you have done and
know that you can get through it.

When you're under pressure, how
do you quickly gather information

and adjust your approach?

I mean, you, you constantly must
be reading the circumstances

and then making adjustments.

Do you have things you use to help
you make those decisions or are you

using some kind of pattern recognition?

Chris Voss: Your gut does
the pattern recognition.

It's not a conscious process.

So when you get to the point where you
can lean back enough to let your gut

kick in, then you're gonna be fine.

Matt Abrahams: Uh, many of us in
these high stakes situations, clearly

different than the high stakes
situations you've lived through, we,

we get in our head and we overthink.

Do you have ways that help you turn
down that volume of overthinking?

Chris Voss: I'm reading Creativity Inc.,
by Ed Catmull, the guy who founded Pixar.

And he says, you know, the overthinkers
make mistakes at the same rate as the

people that are quick to pull the trigger.

It just takes 'em longer to make the
mistakes 'cause they're overthinking it.

And I thought that makes
all the sense in the world.

You know, the entrepreneurial
organizations who are really operating

on gut instinct, they say, you
know, make the mistake now, gather

the data, fail fast, move forward.

You see it over and over and over again.

It never even occurred to me
that the overthinkers would

not be any more effective than
the quick to pull the trigger.

It would just take 'em longer.

And that, and that insight in,
in Ed's book just really sort of,

uh, opened my eyes to the dangers,
the perils of overthinking.

Matt Abrahams: Let's talk a little
bit more about that, when, when things

don't go as you expected them to
go in the moment, are there ways in

which you quickly adjust and adapt?

Or do you just stay the course and keep
things going forward even if it didn't

happen or occur the way you wanted it to?

What do you do when things
don't go the way you planned?

Chris Voss: The first thing is
to realize there is no course.

If you only imagine there's one course,
then you're gonna stick to it when all

the data's telling you you're wrong.

So in kidnapping negotiations,
I'd show up in an embassy.

And they'd say, how's this gonna work out?

And it's gonna work out one of
five ways, and we gotta go along

for the ride, see which one it is.

You know, that would keep me
from getting married to a course.

So to recognize that it's your desire
to wanna think of one path, you're

already limiting yourself because
never be so sure of what you want that

you wouldn't take something better.

If you can maintain that flexibility in a
moment, then you're gonna do really well.

Matt Abrahams: I think that is
such important advice and insight

that there is no one right way.

There are many ways, and staying open
and agile and curious is what allows you

to adjust and adapt as things happen.

Chris Voss: Amen.

Matt Abrahams: What rules or guidelines
do you follow in your messaging when

you communicate in negotiations?

Chris Voss: Yeah.

in general terms.

You know, he or she who talks most loses.

If you're explaining, you're losing.

You should probably be listening
five times more when you're talking.

Matt Abrahams: Right.

And it's really about the
understanding that what you are

saying or not saying has an impact
in that moment on what's going on.

I'd like to get into, if, if you
don't mind, sharing some more

detail about two specific skills
that you mentioned earlier.

You mentioned labeling and
you mentioned mirroring.

Would you mind taking a moment to
just share what each of those skills

are and, and the value they bring
to you in the work that you do?

Chris Voss: Uh, the value I bring.

Matt Abrahams: Yeah.

The value of, of labeling
and of mirroring.

Chris Voss: All right,
so I just mirrored you.

Matt Abrahams: And I fell right for it.

Chris Voss: Well,
because it feels natural.

Mirroring is, mirroring is a
delightful skill, which is repeating,

generally, the last one to three-ish
words of what somebody has said.

It could be one word.

It really shouldn't be more than five.

And it's just repeating
them word for word.

And in any given communication, and
you touched on it a little bit before,

you know what's said, what's unsaid.

And the other side, what they hear is,
oh, okay, he got what I wanted to say,

but he needs a fuller explanation.

And so you're drawn to it and
you give fuller explanations.

It's actually much more effective
than saying to somebody,

what did you mean by that?

It doesn't require a lot of mental energy.

The return of investment of what
you said versus how much you hear is

insane, and that's why they like it.

'Cause I just gotta say three words and
the other side will talk for ten minutes.

Now, the label is just slapping
a label on the dynamic or the

emotion or a hidden dynamic.

Again, I'm coaching a client earlier and
they got a vendor that they're dealing

with who's gonna make all kind of excuses
for why they couldn't get stuff done.

And I said, well, the label
here is, it sounds like you're

telling me you're incompetent.

And it's gotta be
delivered just like that.

I hesitated, you know, I
did an upward inflection.

I just, what are you telling me.

If you're a professional, and you
agreed on a job, and then you came

back afterwards with all kinds
of excuses, somewhere along the

line, what you're telling me is you
didn't know what you were doing.

And the important thing about a
label is it's gotta be a dynamic

the other side introduces.

You cannot introduce it.

The other side has to introduce
it, then it's fair game.

Matt Abrahams: What's interesting to me,
I mean you did a great job describing it,

so I don't feel like I have to re-explain
it, but what's interesting to me is

how important the way in which you say
your mirror or label plays out in it.

So it's not just the words, it's
the way you say those words.

So that combination of nonverbal presence
and the verbal presence matter in this.

And a lot of us fixate on just the words.

And what I'm hearing you say
is it's much more than that.

Chris Voss: Being in law enforcement,
then I'm always gonna come up with

law enforcement analogies, and so
tone is like the rifling on a bullet.

Now a bullet comes out of a barrel, and
there are things inside of the barrel

of a gun called lands and grooves that
actually spin the bullet, so that when

it comes out, it goes in a straight line.

It's the same thing as when you
throw a baseball, you spin the ball.

A baseball pitch with no spin is
called a knuckle ball, and that thing

goes all over the place and nobody
knows where the hell it's gonna land.

And so for your words to hit the target,
you know, the, the very label I used

before I could say, it sounds like
you're telling me you're incompetent.

Now that's an insult.

That tone of voice is an accusation.

It's insulting.

But if I say, it sounds like you're
telling me you're incompetent.

Same words, land a
thousand percent different.

Matt Abrahams: One of the things, Chris,
I've really appreciated, is you've done

a really nice job of using analogies,
and analogies are really useful.

While I don't know much about
guns and bullets, it's very

clear that spin matters.

So before we end, I'd like to
ask you three questions that I'm

asking everybody who's part of this
miniseries on spontaneous speaking.

Are you up for doing that?

Chris Voss: Let's go for it.

See what happens.

Matt Abrahams: Chris, I'd love to know who
is the communicator you admire and why?

Chris Voss: Oprah Winfrey.

Matt Abrahams: Tell me why.

Chris Voss: So she has dealt with some of
the most volatile people on planet Earth.

I've had some very specific
conversations relayed to me in detail

where she has taken celebrities to
the woodshed over their behavior.

I mean, she has the ability
to maintain relationships even

with differences of opinion.

I'm a big fan.

I'm a huge fan.

Matt Abrahams: Question number two, while
those listening in likely aren't going to

have to speak in situations like you do,
uh, what advice would you give for them

to speak better in the moment in general?

Chris Voss: Just take your time.

There, there's so much of an advantage
while you're speaking to slow down a

little, you know, let the moment play out.

Some people take their time in
speaking because they're determined to

maintain control of the conversation.

They'll only pause mid-sentence
so they don't get interrupted.

So slowing the conversation down, so
you can absorb more information, so you

can be more in the moment, is not the
same as slowing down to stay in control.

If you slow down to be more connected with
somebody in the moment, to hear them, to

make 'em feel heard, you give yourself
time to analyze in the moment, you're

gonna be a much better communicator.

Matt Abrahams: This notion of
pausing and slowing things down, I

think is really, really important.

I want to add an
exclamation point to that.

In these spontaneous speaking
situations, we feel such pressure

to respond immediately, and you
remind us that slowing down actually

affords us lots of opportunity.

Final question for you.

I wanna switch roles on you.

I'm the professor, but I'm
gonna have you be the professor.

I'd like you to give me some homework.

What is one communication thing that
you would encourage me to do in my

life, that simulates the things that
you do, so I can get better, in your

case, with negotiations and handling
high pressure situations, is there one

thing you'd give me homework to practice?

Chris Voss: Spend a day with, whatever
somebody says to you, say, seems like

you have a reason for saying that.

hmmm Somebody says, hey
man, what a sunny day.

Seems like you got a
reason for saying that.

Somebody says to you, you know, if
you don't vote for so-and-so, you're

betraying the American people.

Seems like you got a
reason for saying that.

Just give yourself a day to
experiment with that phrase

no matter what people say.

You can come back with your
opinion, your observation.

It doesn't preclude you for any of
the natural things you want to say.

I promise you, you spend a day doing
that, you are gonna have four or five

conversations, just the vast majority
of them, are gonna open up in ways

you, you didn't imagine possible.

Matt Abrahams: I really like that.

It opens up the door for more
information to come out, so there's

more data, as you've talked about.

My mother-in-law, who I believe
had a black belt in small talk,

she used to say, tell me more.

Chris Voss: Yeah, it's encouraging.

Matt Abrahams: Exactly.

Chris, this has been fantastic.

You've given us lots of insight into
how empathy can be an accelerant and

really encouraging us to slow down, be
present, and respond, not in one course

or one way, but be open to responding
in a way that's needed in the moment.

Thank you so much.

Chris Voss: The pleasure was mine.

Thanks for having me on.

Matt Abrahams: Thank you so much for
joining us for another episode of

Think Fast Talk Smart, the podcast.

To learn more from our spontaneous
speaking coaches, listen to

our four part miniseries,
episodes, 197, 198, 199, and 203.

You can also go to
fastersmarter.io/spontaneous.

This episode was produced
by Katherine Reed, Michael

Riley, and me, Matt Abrahams.

Our music is from Floyd Wonder.

With thanks to Podium Podcast company.

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