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Unashamed Unafraid is a show dedicated to being unashamed about sexual addiction recovery and unafraid of coming unto Christ for healing. Pornography and sexual addiction are not something you are stuck with to manage your whole life. We share real stories of recovery, the best resources, information from experts, and answer anonymous questions with those who know. All to help you on the path of being 100% healed from pornography and sexual addiction.
I walk the walk.
Truth on the mic, no shame
here, just real talk.
Came from the outside, never fit in.
Now we tell the story
and the healing begins.
No front, no mask, just telling the truth.
Keep it real, keep it raw,
speaking straight from the booth.
If you feeling like an
outsider, this one's for you
Sam and James: Welcome To another episode
of Unashamed, Unafraid, Unashamed of
Sexual Addiction Recovery, and Unafraid
of Coming unto Christ for Healing.
James, it's been a little bit
since you've been behind the mic.
Hey, thanks for having me back, man.
Welcome back.
It's good to be here.
. we're Doing a special
today on Warrior Heart.
It's probably been a couple years
since we've actually done an episode
specifically on Warrior Heart.
It's been, what, like a week and a
half since we got back from boot camp,
and James and, Dan Ostler, who's a,
a friend of mine pretty well-known
in boot camp circles, Dan the man.
He's the man.
He is m- everybody who goes to
Warrior Heart knows Dan Ostler.
So welcome, Dan.
Dan: Thanks
Sam and James: So the reason I
wanted to do this is two reasons.
Number one, I, I think it's, kinda fun
to talk about some of the experiences
I'm having in my own healing process.
The seventh time in, I'm still having
some pretty incredible, healing
experiences with God and with other men.
Number two is, I kinda wanna go over
what Warrior Heart is if there's people
out there who don't understand all
the hype that we keep throwing at them
dan and James, you, you guys
were both there for a pretty
incredible experience that I had.
We did a session called Divine
Masculinity, where they, they talk
about, , just a lot of the shame that
comes at men from different angles
in life and, how that shame fogs
up the lens that we look through.
And it just hit me really hard.
The seven months of, of marriage
have been an adjustment for me, and,
you know, then just the buildup.
It's been a year and a half since I've
really gone to boot camp for myself,
and so there's things that catch back
on if you're not actively doing your
own healing and work, and, there's some
complacency I think I'm healing from,
so I kinda wanted to talk about the
experience I had 'cause it, it, that, that
divine masculinity session hit me hard.
, I left and I just knew, like, "Hey,
I need to pray with some guys.
I need to connect with God, and
I need to open up about some
things I haven't opened up about."
And so craziest thing happened,
and D- Dan, you're welcome to chime
in, man, from your perspective on,
on kinda how that worked for you.
I went to go find guys to pray with.
You were not okay.
, I was not okay.
And I, I was back there of
Dan: Whenever you were not okay,
I was off in the middle of my own
thing trying to process of what I
was taking away from that session.
So I stepped into it a minute or two or
five in when you and James were already
together over in the corner of that room.
Sam and James: So I just got up to,
like, open some doors and some windows,
you know, get the air circulating
back in the presentation barn, you
know, and get some light back in.
And you came walking out.
Yeah.
And- I was just looking
for the right person- Yeah
the safe person, like, to
connect with, ' 'cause I was
heavy, just feeling really dark.
And I saw James, and immediately I
thought, "Okay, not a coincidence
that James just pops up in here."
Like, James is on a short list of
maybe five people who I just know for
sure, like, he's gonna love me forever.
And I just feel safe with him, , he's
someone who I consider to be a, a very
close representation of what I hope
Jesus is like and so that was, like,
huge, and I just went and I gave him
a big hug, and I just started sobbing.
It was uncontrollable.
I haven't cried like that in a long time.
Actually, I don't think
I've cried in months.
And, it all just kinda came out.
And so that's, that's kind of
the condition that Dan walked
over and found both of us in.
You gave me a hug, and then you were
like, "Will you pray with me, man?"
And I'm like, "Do you want
somebody else to pray with you?"
Yeah.
And you looked over- That's
right ⦠and there was Dan
sitting right there at the table.
And you're like, "That guy."
Dan: I celebrate moments like that just
because when you see the hand of God in
something, . it, it, it exhilarates me
just to, just to literally just be sitting
in that moment and saying, "Oh, there is
no coincidence in the way that these men
came together in the corner of this room."
And my side of that
Sam and James: Yeah
Dan: was I actually wasn't planning
on being in that corner of the room.
I think I told you this, after the fact.
I had my own processing, and I was
coming out of that session, wanted
to just go spend some time quiet
out in the woods, journal some
stuff, have my own prayer moment.
And when I was headed to that little sweet
spot that I'd mentally picked out to go,
that unmistakable voice just landed on me.
You know, where the spirit is just
like, "No, let's, let's have you stay
right here in the corner of this room."
it was, it was that calming, peaceful,
confident feeling that I don't understand
why, but that's what pulls you to the
corner of the room that you find a
good friend of yours, crying on another
friend's shoulder, and you realize that
God wants you to be a part of a prayer.
You know, lift this guy.
And he spoke that to me.
And so it's, it's a soft, little tender
moment where you just go, "All right.
We could have gone different
directions," but, but the Father
recognizes that there's just certain
moments in our life, and Boot Camp
facilitates a lot of those moments.
When you find yourself, y- you know,
you're unplugging from technology,
you leave that behind, you get up
into nature, you get up into the
mountains, and you invite God into
three days of your life, it facilitates
opportunities like that where you just
say, um, "I'm here to let you find me."
, those are special moments when you
realize, all right, God just facilitated
a moment where some friends, some
brothers that love each other and
trust each other can come and holdâ¦
In this case it was you, Sam.
I
Sam and James: Yeah
Dan: were having a moment where you
just needed that you could trust, and
God knew it, and he set the stage for
James to be right where he was, and
he set the stage to pull me back in
from outside, . I like that because
you look at moments like that and you
realize God really is in the details.
Sam and James: Yeah
Dan: You were processing and, and
frankly, he knew what James and I
needed in that moment, , because
we gained something out of that.
I'm confident.
I actually haven't talked to you, James,
about your experience there, but, I, I
was able to journal things for me out
of, out of our interaction right there.
And it becomes one of those anchoring
moments that you just appreciate the
way that heaven shows up for someone
who will just pause, , and invite him
into three days of our life, you know?
Sam and James: I wasn't
there on the prayer team.
was just there to assist with
AV and, make sure that stuff was
running smooth in the background.
So, I was in one group
prayer that weekend.
It was that one.
Yeah.
And what's cool about it is I
actually thought about this later.
Of the 125-plus guys up there at boot
camp, including staff, I genuinely
can think of two that,, I really
needed to be with in that moment.
It was Dan and it was James.
It's a special time.
I, I'd have to say, honestly, that boot
camp, uh, as an overall experience, all
seven times that I've been, has been the
most helpful thing that I have ever done
for my recovery in the consistent healing.
There's been things that have
been more intense and more helpful
i- for a small period of time,
but boot camp is the thing, man.
I've just healed.
I was so stuck.
So, so stuck until the first boot camp
I went to, and I fi- it finally was
safe to just- Yeah ⦠to open up.
There's a, there's a power in the
consistency of going, I'm noticing.
There is, yeah.
You know?
Uh- Yeah ⦠I know it
was for me, personally.
I mean, obviously there was, for me
personally, there was nothing quite
like that first boot camp as far
as, that two-by-four to the head
moment, , the profound spiritual impact,
but it was the ongoing of that I
continued to pick up all the pieces as
I worked to recovery into my lifestyle.
And being at boot camp and that
consistency of that message helped me
stay consistent in integrating healthy
lifestyle and recovery lifestyle
What's your experience
been like with that, Dan?
I know you've been to at least four boot
camps now, but probably more than that
Dan: Yeah, six or seven I think now.
Sam and James: Okay
, Dan: I don't disagree.
For me, my experience has been
unique with each one of them.
So th- there hasn't been one boot camp
that has felt similar to the other one.
And it's really hard to rank which
ones I like better than others because
God just meets me where I'm at.
So I attended the first one, and it
impacted me enough that I went home
and, I was on a mission to get people
that I loved and trusted , and hoped
would take me up on my invitation, and
I wanted to bring people back with me.
And then that happened again a second
time, a third time, a fourth time, to
where, each one was impactful enough
for me that I said, "I definitely
need to go back to another one."
There's more to be had.
And for me, each of those lessons have
been different or unique, because I
just show up and I go, "God, you know
where I'm at . It's been one of those
things where each time that I've showed
up, I'm in a different place six months
later, four months later, one year later.
Maybe I'm lucky this way or, or am
wired this way, when I into that moment,
I just invite him into where I'm at.
I don't try to pretend like
I know what he's gonna do for
me in that, in that moment.
And I
Sam and James: Right
Dan: say, "You know what's on my mind, you
know what's on my heart, you know where
I'm at with things I'm struggling with,
things I'm trying to overcome, things
that I want to connect with you about."
And because that's the way I go in, he
finds me in a different place every time.
so it's Hard to say that one's
better than another because every
one is perfect for that moment.
So I end up going home and, and saying,
um, "All right, well maybe, maybe my focus
was a little bit different this one a,
than a previous one," but that's because
I was in a different space in life.
Sam and James: Dan, how do
you get guys to boot camp?
Because I've been to six or seven
boot camps myself, so about the
same as you, and I've gotten
three guys to come with me, right?
You've been to six.
Y- y-
Dan: are three lucky
Sam and James: Those are
three lucky people, right?
Dan: Yeah
Sam and James: You've gotten 77
or something like that, right?
Like, i- it- it's been a, it's
been an all-out recruiting.
I mean, this is summer sales for you.
Like, you're like the, the summer
sales bro for Warrior Heart.
But like, I-
Dan: knocking Doors, passing out flyers.
Sam and James: For me, because I
wanna get better at this, and for
our audience, like give us the
pitch because it is life-changing.
It's, it's transformative.
It's, it's this thing that
like- A top five life experience
the top five life experience,
but it's hard to communicate
to someone who's never been
Dan: I don't really know what
the magic bullet is, other than
I really do include God in it.
There's plenty of people that I haven't
invited yet, I check in with the Lord and
I'm just like, "Is it time to invite?"
I'm prayerful about that.
I know a lot of men.
I rub shoulders with a lot of
people in my church community,
and I just network a lot.
I'm just a networker just in general.
I'm a business owner here in my
hometown and have been for a lot
of years, and so you just, you rub
shoulders with a lot of people.
But when I want to invite somebody,
I just go to God and I'm like,
"Do they need it, first of all?
And if they do, you're gonna
help me do this, right?"
I, I really just trust that.
And, and the pitch has actually been
different from person to person.
I
Sam and James: Hmm.
Dan: Going to somebody, and I think my
pitch was, "Listen, I promise you that
if you drop a $10,000 check to get here,
when you leave, you would be willing to
write a second one and come back again."
Sam and James: Wow
Dan: And I said, "Good news for you,
you don't have to write a $10,000 check.
It's, it's a lot less than that."
600 or 700 bucks or whatever it
Sam and James: Yeah.
Right
Dan: it's not a lot, but I just knew that
that was what I needed to say to him.
I think he might be the only
person that I've said that to,
but he understood the impact.
Somebody else, I, I went and said,
"I'm not even gonna tell you what I'm
inviting you to, but I'm literally
saying if I've built up any emotional
currency with you at all in my life,
I just want you to drop everything
you're doing on such and such a date.
want you to go in, register for
this thing, get in my car and
drive with me and trust me."
, Think I've only said that to one
person, but I knew that he knew me
well enough that he would do it.
He said, "Dan, if you're, if you're
telling me that that's what needs
to happen, I'll do that for you."
Other people, I'm dripping on.
You know?
It's just one of those things where
it's like I feel I should invite you.
I don't know what that
looks like in your life.
I don't know why, some people, I take them
out to lunch, and I just get to know them.
And where are you at in life, and
would this be something for you?
It's really different
from person to person.
But truthfully, I have to give the
credit to God because I believe
that He knows where they're at
and what kind of an invitation
it's gonna take to get them there.
I think my job is really just to say
it is a top five experience for me, and
why wouldn't I open my mouth about it?
Sam and James: Yeah
Dan: If I went to a good movie,
don't think twice about, know,
time I'm at lunch with a buddy,
"Dude, have you seen such and such?
Man, that is a good flick.
When are you going?
I'd go again.
I'd go a second time.
Maybe we can do it together."
Like, that's so easy.
It's so natural.
This boot camp has been such an uplifting
experience for me and for the people
I've brought that I think it's an easy
conversation to say, "It may or may
not be up your alley, but it's just
easy for me to tell you I loved it."
Sam and James: Yeah
Dan: I think that because I do that
and I do it prayerfully, at some
level, people agree with me that
it's worth carving out some time.
I, I don't know that I have to twist
arms or, or give a sales pitch.
I just share, this is what it did for me.
This is what it did for
some of my other brothers.
this is why I'm inviting you.
I do approach it like, because it's
a top five experience, I'd feel
really bad if you missed out on it.
I, I'm not gonna apologize about that.
Maybe it's not for everyone, but
I sure think it's for 99.99999%
everyone.
I,
Sam and James: Yeah.
Agreed.
Dan: aren't going to get
something out of this.
Sam and James: Yeah
, Dan: That's my approach
Sam and James: Well, it reminds me
of a story I heard told by David A.
Bednar.
He talked about how his, two of
his sons, he watched them when they
were, like, two and five years old.
They were playing outside,
and the younger boy got hurt.
And so they come in, the younger
boy's screaming and crying,
The older boy went over to the, the
cupboard, grabbed the first aid kit,
, you know, he had to wash him off.
He had to put the ointment on.
bandaged up his, his little brother.
And they watched this
whole process unfold.
Slowly, the younger brother stops crying,
gets calm, smile comes back on his
face and, , soon enough, they're good.
put everything away and
they head back out to play.
But before they leave, the younger
brother grabs the first aid kit and they
watch, as that little boy walks to his
friends outside and puts a bandage up
and down every single one of their arms,
Because when something heals you,
when something takes away the pain
, naturally and instinctively, you
wanna give that thing to every person
that you know it's because it works,
When you really learn who Jesus is
When you really find a place
where you can meet Him you
wanna give that to other people.
This is why we preach
Warrior Heart at nausea.
I want to Go back to the experience
that I had, with James, and
Dan, that's probably a top five
healing experience in my own life.
I haven't released emotion in that
way, uh, I don't know if I ever have.
Maybe at the, the trauma
retreat I went to, but it was
a pretty singular experience.
Why was it able to happen
at Warrior Heart Boot Camp.
Dan: One of the things I love
about it is that God always finds
a way to meet people up there.
Sam and James: Yeah
Dan: Like, there's nobody that
goes off the mountain that says,
"I didn't connect with God"
Sam and James: Yeah
Dan: level, and significantly.
So when you show up there and, and you're
processing, whatever is talked about
in divine masculinity and something's
sinking in your heart, how do you get to
a place where you even feel safe enough
or like this is the time that you can
have a breakdown moment, and that, that
there's gonna be men that hold you?
Sam and James: I, I think it's just
the structure of Warrior Heart.
Like, you can't mess that up, the
sessions are different every single
time, even though it's the same content.
But, like, it doesn't matter how
it's presented, it's just, , it
resonates in a way that it's different.
I don't even know if I could describe that
but it's safe in a way that you've never
experienced before in your life, and it's
safe in a way that you want it to be.
It's not like this thingâ¦
Guys always get turned off by
this thing that's like, "Oh, I
gotta go, like, hug and cry with
a bunch of guys in the woods."
It's like, no, it's not,
it's not really the point.
Like, you might if you want to.
It might be the first time in your
life that you've ever felt safe to do
that, but that's not the requirement.
What you'll find is that you'll come to
boot camp and you'll hear the messages,
and it will resonate with you in a way
that you never really, articulated before
. I've never really thought much about
the divine masculinity session, ever.
But there was something about it
this time . it was exactly what I
needed, and God spoke to my heart
Dan: I think that's the key.
I think that when you get a
bunch of men that leave the
world behind for a few days,
And like you say, unplug from technology
and go up into the mountains with the
intent to get quiet, and to just go inside
their heart, and just to, just to invite
God into that, there's something that God
can do with us in that invitation that
creates the healing and the safety that
you don't necessarily get at the therapist
office, or talking with an ecclesiastical
leader, or even with your spouse.
Like,
Sam and James: Yeah
Dan: I think it's super appropriate
to show up in life and do all that
we can to heal ourself, and find
the professionals and, and get in
the, in the programs and, and do it.
But when we invite Christ into
that conversation and say,
"I'm gonna do this with you.
And we're super
unapologetically Christian.
Unapologetically Christ is there to
help us, heal us, find us, and be
with us, and walk that walk with us.
I think it's when He all of a sudden shows
up that He brings the peace, He brings
the comfort, He makes you feel safe.
He puts His arms around you and, and
in this case for you, a couple of
men that God knew you would trust,
At boot camp, it's almost like
He's primed the pump, and He's
just said, "I will find you here."
so it makes it a lot more
comfortable for us to say, "I need
that moment with you right now.
I need to just let some things go..
warrior Heart, facilitates that
really, really well, times 100 people.
It's, it's not just one or two people
that are having beautiful experiences.
Everybody that's there has
invited Christ to come walk with
them or find them or heal them
Sam and James: right
Dan: in that moment for
you, that's what it was.
You stood up and you're just
like, "God, this is my moment.
I need you.
I need something with you right now."
And there just happened to be a couple
of brothers that knew it was time to hold
you, and He facilitates that as well.
Sam and James: I know that it's
a sacred moment, but do you wanna
share with us kinda what happened
for you maybe during the prayer
or what- Yeah ⦠felt impactful
during that prayer for you?
I Yeah.
I, I think I just connected with
God, and I opened up to him about
how hard many things have been.
Hmm.
I didn't anticipate marriage
would be really freaking hard.
I, I knew it logically.
I didn't understand it emotionally, right?
And me and my wife are
both doing our healing.
I would say we're doing quite well if
you look long term, but we've really
struggled to understand each other,
. I have struggled so much to feel seen
in our relationship, and so I brought
that to God, and, and I've spoken to
him about it in a 30-second prayer
at times, but not in a way where, the
feelings were at the surface and I
could, I could really give it to him.
I saw him differently in that
moment, and I told him about it,
and , I just felt his embrace.
So that was the first thing.
And then the second thing was,
to be seen by James and Dan.
, It mattered that you two were in that
prayer with me, and I was talking
it out loud with you two because
I've had an experience with the two
of you that's different than most
of my relationships, it's kinda
like a Christ figure relationship.
Like, I see you guys, and I'm like,
"Yes, I can go to either of those men
at any time and talk to them about
anything on the planet, and they
will show up as safe individuals."
It may be also a reflection, frankly,
of my lack of creating safety
in my life outside of boot camp.
I've really struggled to create safety
in my life, in my relationships.
And so it all came together in
one, and it was just like God's
reassurance, "Hey, I'm here.
You don't have to earn it from me.
I see you.
I know your pain.
I felt it myself, and we're
gonna do this together."
My invitation to the audience would
be, guys, if you don't, if you have
been listening to this podcast-
And you have heard us talk about Warrior
Heart, and you have made any number
of excuses not to go to this point.
You gotta get there.
It will change the
course of your recovery.
It will set you on a course that
will change the rest of your
life, so that's what I wanna
offer you, sign up for boot camp.
And we've got a couple scholarships
still that we can offer, , for this
upcoming One Ship boot camp this fall.
Go to unashamedunafraid.com/scholarships.
Apply for one there.
You can also go to awarriorheart.com,
click on their scholarships link,
and apply through Warrior Heart.
If you haven't been, you gotta get there.
And we have, also have a
very large female audience.
Glory or Heart of a Woman, which are the
two kind of female equivalents of Warrior
Heart, I would also recommend that to you.
Glory is in Arizona.
Heart of a Woman, it's typically in Utah.
But get yourself to one
of those boot camps.
It will change your relationship with
other people, It will change your
relationship with yourself, and it
will change your relationship with
anything you guys would add?
there was my life before bootcamp
and my life after bootcamp.
Well said.
It is a night and day difference, and my
life completely changed for the better.
Completely changed the spiritual
trajectory of my life forever-
Yeah ⦠in a positive and beautiful way.
Dan?
Dan: I totally agree with that.
I remember when I was invited in your
prayer with you, uh, James and you waved
me over, and I remember the feeling, not
just the feeling, but like the, uh, the
light that came over us where it felt
very, very much like, there was a shield
of light that just enveloped so just to
participate in that and just to say to
be men each other while somebody's trying
to have a moment with God and, just to be
wrapped in light and love and peace, like
these are moments where we get to share
in you an experience that you're having
with God, and that's super uplifting just
to recognize God is here for him, for us.
It's hard to put words on, but
when it happens, come off the
mountain saying, "I feel changed."
Sam (2): Limited time offer, if
you are a first-time bootcamper,
Use the code UNASHAMED100 to
get $100 off your first bootcamp
Register on awarriorheart.com
. Come see a different version of God.
Come experience post-boot camp life.
That's our invitation.
Thanks for watching.
Find us on social media
@UnashamedUnafraid.
Get access to our bonus content.
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Thanks again for watching, and until
next time continue to live unashamed.
See you at boot camp.