BONUS | Family Business Ep. 1

Welcome to the Saints Church Glastonbury podcast! We are a local church network based in Alberta, Canada. We go to places no one wants to go and do things no one thought possible so that anyone and everyone can discover hope and life in Jesus.

In this BONUS episode, we are joined by Pastors Brett and Desiree Esslinger as they dive into the intersection of faith and parenting, providing insights and practical guidance for fostering spiritual growth and discipleship within the family.

Verses:
- Luke 2:41
- Proverbs 22:6

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Creators & Guests

Host

Brett Esslinger

Senior Pastor of SAINTS CHURCH | Author of #HopeNotHype | #YEG | Nacho Enthusiast

DE

Host

Desiree Esslinger

Senior Pastor at Saints Church

What is Saints Church Glastonbury?

A Modern Expression of a Timeless Tradition. A local church in the Glastonbury Neighbourhood of West Edmonton. Sr Pastor Brett Esslinger.

Hey, welcome, my name's Brett. This is Desiree. We are pastors of Saints Church in Edmonton, alberta, canada, in the Great White North gateway to the north northernmost major city in North America. For those of you that don't know If you're a part of our church family, welcome, we're so glad that you're here. If you're not and you stumbled upon this on the internet somehow welcome, we're so glad you're here. I've come up with a name for this interaction this conversation have you. Family business.

Oh, I like it. Yeah, this is family business.

That's what we're doing, and at St Church we're going through a sermon series called Death to Churchianity, and we're going to link that right in the description so you can watch it on YouTube. You can go to the podcast, listen. However you want to consume that content, it's there for you. We'll break that all down, but what we're going to do is we just want to continue to dive deeper into what we've been talking about. We're really challenging this idea of consumer Christianity, and so there's a few like keys here. If I'm consuming content but I'm not connected to community, I'm a common law Christian, I want all the benefits and none of the commitment. Yeah, right, right. So we're wrestling with this idea of being followers of Jesus. We're Christians, we're Bible-believing Christians. What does that mean for us? And we have two boys, everett and Kingston. They're nine and 11, kind of both in different stages.

How do we parent? How do we lead our house? We can talk about that from our perspective. How, as a church community, do we do this? How do we do this as disciples of Jesus, as followers of Jesus? Jesus says I'm the way, the truth and the life. My lifestyle is his way, not my way, and that's probably the major differentiator that we add Jesus, but he's not an addition, he's the way, the truth, the life. I surrender my thoughts, my ideas, my direction, my purpose to him and his direction. I move in his way, not in my way. So how do I do that for me? And then, how do we do that for our kids?

Yeah, and I think the interesting thing to think about is our number one responsibility as believers, the call of Christ, the thing that when we get asked, what is the will of God for my life, what is his call for me? Number one call go and make disciples. And sometimes we, you know it's easy to be like, well, I don't know anybody, or I don't know how to make a disciple, or who am I supposed to disciple. And here's the really easy one If you are a parent, you are called to disciple your kids. You are called to make disciples of your kids.

Yep, yep, and they're, they're right there, they're right at home and, uh, the truth is, they're a reflection of you, the best part of you, the worst part of you, and so you see that come out and you see that come through. Um, and so how am I living my life? Am I living my life by default, where I just kind of go through the motions? I first heard Kevin Gerald say this. You know, through you can live your life by default or you can live it by design, and I think the same thing is true with once you have kids, because now it's like, oh, there's other people and things are trickling down for better or for worse.

And so I think the first part of talking about how do I disciple my kids is actually taking a look in the mirror first and looking at where we're at in our own discipleship walk.

How are we following Jesus? Because, again, everything is a trickle down and so much of what our kids grow up to believe to become, what they do, what they think, is a reflection of what they saw and who they saw us to be. What they do, what they think, is a reflection of what they saw and who they saw as to be, what they saw as doing, what we value the most, what we put our time into, what our effort goes to, and sometimes it's especially, I think, within the church. It's like, oh, but when I go to church they'll learn the things they need to know and everything else. From Monday to Saturday it just is life as usual, and then Sunday is discipleship day, and that is not the Jesus picture. The call to discipleship is a daily walk with Jesus. It's a daily dying to self, and so I think we have to first look as parents, we have to look at ourselves.

Yeah, I mean death to church is just that. It's a confrontation with the consumeristic mentality that exists within the church infrastructure as we know it today and that is prioritizing a personal relationship with Jesus, that my life with Jesus is obedience based, that he is king, he's in charge. I'm going to surrender my whole life to him. I'm going to live according to his word, his plans. That's going to trickle down, but to understand that, I have to understand what's molding or shaping me. Who or what is molding or shaping me?

We might say we've got mentors or parents or you know, there's all kinds of people that are pouring into us. But the truth is, most of us are being shaped or formed by the devices that we hold in our hands and how, and by the ideas of the concepts, of the constructs, uh, that we, we swipe through right and so even like. There's this whole new set of research that more uh in gen z, more of the average phone user is searching for things on social media before they even go to Google. So it used to be that Google was forming you or shaping you, or you know you're not feeling well, you go to Google. Now we're going to Instagram, we're going to TikTok, we're looking for a recipe, not on the internet, but on Instagram or TikTok Like. So those things are now shaping or forming us. It's so subtle.

Super subtle it's so subtle Like I think about even— Stanley cups.

Oh, we're going to go there, we're going to go there. Why do you have a giant water cup? For no other reason than somebody else on the internet told you it was a good idea.

Because it's pretty and I like it Moving on, moving on. But the thing about social media is right. It is this subtle thing and I think I mean and I'm looking at my own life here because I know like, just being honest, I can tell the season that I'm in or what I'm walking through by how much I am using and scrolling on my phone and particularly social media. And again, it's so subtle and sometimes you don't even realize it. You don't even realize the extent to which you and you think it's so easy to assume that this has no impact.

Yeah.

That it just is. We say it, it's mindless scrolling, but how mindless is it? Is it actually not doing something, shaping something, forming something, or keeping your mind from the things that are should be shaping you right? So it actually does have a bigger impact than we like to admit, than I like to admit yeah, like I'm calling myself out here.

Yeah, and let's just be very clear about what we're doing is we're putting ourselves on blast as much as anyone else. We're just being very open. Transparent because because we understand, even as pastors and leaders, who are we being formed by. But the moment that I become aware of it, I am now accountable for it. So I'm accountable now for my scrolling, I'm accountable for who's forming me and you know, there's some disturbing research that came out of Arizona Christian University, from their cultural research center, which Dr George Barna, saying that Christians that 6% in 2020, 4% in 2023, have a biblical worldview, meaning that the Bible frames or shapes how they see the world. That's a startling fact. So if that's true for us as adults, I mean I don't even want to know what that number is in our kids. It's more likely that Taylor Swift has a bigger spiritual influence on your kids than the Bible does.

It's more likely that Minecraft has a bigger spiritual influence on your kids, or a Disney movie, or fill in the blank with whatever else. So am I being intentional? You know I love. You know Scripture, solomon, the wisest person on earth, uh, train up a child in the way that he should go. And it says in the amplified, teaching him to seek god's wisdom and will for his abilities and talents. Even when he is old, he will not depart from it. The new living says direct your child onto the right path and when they're older they will not leave it. Who am I training up? And, at home, what is forming me, so that I can be informed about who or what is forming my child?

Yeah, yeah, exactly, and I think too again when we talk about even that portion of Scripture train up a child in the way they should go. I see that as two sides right, like we can train up in good things and God things, or we can train up by default or design in other things. So either way, we are training up our kids.

Yeah, whether we like it or not.

Whether we like it or not, whether we're intentional about it or not, whether we're aware of it or not, we are training up our kids and it's saying, even when they're old, they won't depart from it. Well, we are training up our kids and it, you know, it's saying, you know, even when they're old, they won't depart from it. Well, we, we see this play out right. What? What is? What is their life then? Look like when they're teenagers, when they're adults, the things that they were trained up to see, um, observe, do, believe to be of the most value, whatever it is, those are the things that they will carry into the next stage of life, and then the next, and then the next, and it just is this progressive.

Yeah, I think also, we sometimes focus on how to do it, but we also need to talk about why we do it. So I'm huge on, as for me and my house, we're going to serve the Lord. So if the door, this is instilled for me from my child or from my parents, if the doors of the church are open, we're there, we're serving, we're present, we're on a team, we're building God's house. We're a part of this, we get to be a part of this. It's an honor, it's a privilege. That's who we are.

If this hardwired who I am, what I do, there's no way around that. But I have to instill why and not just how. And that's a really tricky thing because it's not about behavior modification. Ultimately, following Jesus is about transformation. Only he can transform. But we can establish principles and parameters and we can talk about why it's important.

But I think it does start here. If you're like parents, like okay, this is so much, where do I start? It starts with you literally showing up at church on Sunday. Just show up, and you're like that sounds self-serving, because you lead a church. Yeah, I lead a church, because I believe in the church, because Jesus changed my life through the church, and this is God's plan for the planet. The church is God's plan. There is no plan B. The church is a people, not a place. We gather in a place, those people are in a place.

I understand you might have good experience, you might have bad experience. The reality is, though, this is the force on the planet that God said. This is my way that I'm going to reach this planet, and I can either choose to be a part of it or not. And, spoiler alert, I and you can listen to this in the message. The truth is, um, going to church is just the starting point. It's not the end. Oftentimes, we treat it like the end Okay, I'll just go and that's it. No, no, that's just, that's just the starting. Anyways, you've got a great thought on this.

Yeah, well, that that is just the starting point, and I think some of what we care a lot about is, and what we're called to do as pastors and leaders, and why we're doing this is, it's our call to equip everyone. It's our job, our role, our call to equip the saints, to do the work of the ministry. That involves and includes speaking to parents, and how do you equip your kids and how do we equip you to equip your kids and what does that look like? And two like, just as an aside, I mean maybe I can ask you. So you come from a background where it you know, coming to church, being in the church, you know if there's something running. You're here, growing up that way. What do you? What do you? What would you say to someone who didn't have that background, who doesn't, who doesn't? That that wasn't, um, a consistent part of life. That is not the mindset and it's it's a challenge to.

To get to that point, what would you say? So it starts with a single decision and then you have to make that decision no longer a decision. So here's what I mean by that. The first decision is this is valuable, this is important. Decision number one. Decision number two I'm going to do something about that. So I'm going to go. Decision number three I'm going to go every week because if I'm going to be a part of something, I'm going to be a part of something If, like, you get out what you put in right. So if you're going to be a part of a community anywhere, you have to actually be a part of the community. If you're going to be a spectator, you're just going to be a spectator. So you have to choose to be all in or all out. Now take it to the next level, where it's no longer a decision.

It's no longer a decision for me, because I'm going every week. It's not optional Right, it's no longer an option.

It's no longer a decision for me. I don't have to think about it, the decision has been made. So I start with making a decision and then I'm no longer making a decision by making one declaration for my life that this has value and I'm just going to keep showing up Like it sounds simple, but honestly, keep showing up. Yeah.

Yeah, no, it's true, it's good, it does you have to start somewhere? And I think, as as parents, um, especially in this, in in what we're talking about, it's very easy to get then overwhelmed, to feel like gosh, like I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, I don't know what this looks like, I don't have the tools, I don't like I just I feel overwhelmed and let's be honest, life is as it is, is overwhelming. You know the age and the times that we live in right now, where we're just inundated with information and all the things that we see and all the things that we're hit with every day because of media and all of that, it becomes overwhelming. And so I do think we live in a time where it's just so much easier to feel the weight and the pressure of the world, let alone here. We are telling you you need to do this, this and this, but please know that's not our heart in this.

Our heart is to again encourage you, to equip you to know um and and to to um even dream about the fact that there, god has gifts and plans and purposes for you, and he has plans and purposes for your kids and you get to be a part of him drawing those things out and it's so. It's valuable. This is valuable and it's not. The other side of it is recognizing, and this is a thing that I feel like is a daily reminder as a parent that I have to remind myself is that I don't do this in my own strength feel like is a daily reminder as a parent that I have to remind myself is that I don't do this in my own strength.

So there are there are days, multiple days every day, whatever it is, whatever we're going through, you know, there are times where I just feel again completely overwhelmed and it's a struggle and, God, I don't know what to do, Like I feel totally lost, I feel like I don't have the answers.

Well, this is where we actually have to remember that we are not alone in this, that this is actually a partnership, this is a joint effort, that God is not sitting there going okay, I made you a parent, I gave you those kids. Now go and do and do all these things that I said, but do it without my help. That's not how it works. We have the beauty and the power of Jesus, the resurrection power. You mentioned that in the message on Sunday. The resurrection power lives inside of us, meaning we have the Holy Spirit in us. We are empowered that anytime we are feeling overwhelmed or we have questions or we feel like there's a block or there's just like no answer or no way out, we have to understand that there actually is, there is hope, there is a plan, there is a way out. He leads us through and we have the power of the holy spirit right.

So here's what we're going to do. We're going to bottom line this. Yeah, uh, let's just put some resources, tools, in people's hands right now. Uh, I do need to just jump off one thing that you said and we're, and then you're just going to bottom line. You're gonna give us a bullet list of things. Okay, um, because we're just, we're just, we're trying to be. This is just supposed to be, it's it's open, it's honest, it's just us talking. Um, the bottom line is you think you're doing this for your kids? God's going to use your kids to transform you.

And he's going to use this.

You think you're instilling good values and he's going to use the good values to get into your heart and transform things. Um, but but. So he's going to use whatever is around you, whatever you're open to, and he's going to speak into you. Now you're deciding you're a follower of Jesus. You're deciding what does it look like for me to disciple my kids? Just give me a list. What does that look like? How do I do this? Give me a list, Make it fast. Bottom line here we go, Okay. Bottom line here we go, Okay. Family business.

First of all, when we touched on this already, what does it look like? It looks like being in the father's house, and we have to remember that our kids, god is their father too, right. And so it's all about being in the father's house. And I just quickly think back to Luke, chapter two, starting in verse 41,. It talks about when Jesus was 12 years old and all of a sudden, mary and Joseph realized he disappeared. They don't know where he is and they are searching for him. They're looking for him and eventually they find him in the temple.

They find him in the father's house and I think it's such a beautiful picture of drawing our kids and there's actually a desire and there's an embedded need in our kids to be in the father's house doing the father's business. It's how they were designed. It's how we were designed. Okay, number two value the word of God in your home. So you know, it's not just like we say that this is important and you need to do this, but we value it to the point where we do it. You see us do it.

Yeah, you got to live it. You got to live it and not just say it.

But then this also means you know, I think we sometimes don't give our kids enough credit for what they are capable of doing and learning. And I'm learning this with our kids and the beauty of you know, putting a Bible in their hands and reading scripture with them at night, and you know, honestly you were saying it changes you the same way it changes them.

And it has an impact on both. It does. We do Bible reading at bedtime and there are so many times where I'm reading scripture with them and I'm going, oh, I never saw that before and it's just like this mind-blowing moment. Anyways, value the Bible. Get a good Bible for your kids. If you need help with that, we want to resource you. We're going to put together a list to help you know what Bibles are good Bibles, what are options. Make sure you have a good Bible.

Can you bullet point it? Can you just give it rapid fire? I know you can do this Get a good Bible for yourself.

Make it. Can you just give it rapid fire? I know you can do this. Get a good Bible for yourself.

Make sure your kids have a good Bible. Make sure they have a good Bible. What else? Take notes, have a notebook.

Have a pen, have a pen, have a notebook, have pens, highlighters, highlighters. Don't discount the fact that God speaks to your kids and he speaks to you, and oftentimes that will happen when you're reading scripture and what it looks like is something Great, simple. Next, yeah, oh, my gosh, you've got a list. Just rapid fire this list. Teach your kids to pray, value prayer and yeah, I can't do this fast guys.

You can do it fast, I can't do it fast. You can I trust you?

There is a value in prayer and what I often see is sometimes where we have to challenge ourselves as much as we have to challenge our kids. And guess what? Kids can do hard things. I think that's another aside for another time. But our culture, we love to just like make things easy and if they don't like it, they don't feel like it, they don't want to do it, we're just like, oh, okay, well. But I think our call to discipleship is to challenge, to do hard things, to step into things, because that's how they grow and, let's be honest, that's going to help them in their walk with Jesus. But that's going to help them in life too, in work, business, whatever they step into, it's okay, we can challenge.

We can do hard things. Last here we go. Okay, one last thing, and you have 19 seconds to do this. Oh boy, yeah, you can do this, right? Oh boy, you made a note about spending time prayerfully observing your kids. Write that down in 19 seconds or less.

Okay, I'm going to try really quick here.

You just wasted seven seconds, sorry.

There is a beauty in actually just watching and observing your kids and asking the Holy Spirit to show you things about them, about who they are, about what's in them, Because part of our role as parents and discipling our kids is to draw and pull out the gold. Pull out the things. That's what discipleship looks like pulling out the things that are in them, that they don't see, that perhaps you never even saw, and sometimes that doesn't even look the way that you think it looks. But there is more to your kid, there's more to your child than meets the eye. There is more in them than you realize, and you don't have to wait for them to grow and be older to start mining for those things.

Parents, grandparents, this is for you. This is Family Business. I'm Brett, this is Desiree. We got the links to the message from Sunday in the show notes. Thanks for joining us. Family business Saints Church. Let's go.