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“If you stopped trying to be perfect for others and started being your real self… what would change?”
Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center’s podcast dedicated to empowering parents and their kids as they navigate mental health challenges. Through insightful discussions, expert advice, and engaging storytelling, we provide the tools and support needed to foster resilience, self-discovery, and emotional well-being.
Each episode features two segments:
🦸♂️ For Parents – Practical strategies, expert insights, and real conversations to help caregivers support their child’s mental and emotional growth.
🌟 For Kids – Interactive storytelling and discussions centered around unlocking their inner hero, overcoming obstacles, and building confidence.
Together, we break stigmas, encourage open dialogue, and equip families with the knowledge to thrive. Because every hero’s journey starts with a conversation.
#CapesAndConversations #UnlockTheHeroWithin #MentalHealthMatters #ParentingSupport #BuildingFutures
00:00:00
Welcome to Capes and Conversations, the Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center podcast. I'm Adam Kotowski, clinical director. And I'm Megan Rose McMullen, MS. This podcast is a conversation about mental health and wellness. So let's talk about not expecting you from others. I have an example of this, but in reverse. Okay. Maribel from Encanto. Okay. She believes that her abuela is expecting perfection from everyone. Yeah.
00:00:30
Right? And it's true. She's expecting this because her abuela has deep fear that she's going to lose everything. Okay. And so she is like driving everyone to be the best that they can, perfection, right? And Maribel is wanting to be perfect, but she doesn't really have like a place to belong to like a strength, to say a gift, right? A magic talent like everyone else does. So she's just kind of trying to fit herself in to try to like be like, see me, right? Sure. And the whole time, her grandma's just like, step aside.
00:01:04
You don't have magic. You're getting in the way, like, whatever. Yeah. And so Maribel kind of breaks down these patterns because she's, like, trying to. And eventually, when Maribel surrenders, that's when all of this stuff crumbles down. And so I feel like Abuela has been expecting perfection from everybody, which is what she believes that she's doing, right? You have to be perfect. Everything has to go perfectly, right? Right. And it causes a lot of frustration, a lot of harm, a lot of hurt. Yeah. Okay.
00:01:35
And I bet a lot of people out there right now listening are, like, feeling that way with their parents. Or feeling like their parents expect them to be perfect. Right. But they keep failing them or whatever, and they just feel, like, frustrated. They will never live up to those expectations. Yeah. So, great example. And here's what I can tell you for the kids. Number one, the fact that your parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches, whoever they might be, have high expectations of you for perfection, that means they care about you.
00:02:12
So you just got to realize that right off the bat. When someone has that level of expectation, they care about you very deeply. Otherwise, they wouldn't. And, you know, it's sad that there are people that don't have people that care about them. So if you have someone like that or someones that are doing that, that means they care. But you also have to realize, it goes back to what we talked about on another podcast, there is no such thing as failure of zone feedback. We're never going to be perfect.
00:02:44
We just have to create habits over time by doing the same thing over and over and over again. If it's extremely valuable to us, like if this is your career, a sport, something with academics, whatever it might be. You can practice it till you can't get it wrong over and over and over again under any circumstances, but you'll never be perfect. There's no such thing as perfection. And when you realize that, you're going to take a load off your mind because you're just going to continue to practice to be as great as you possibly can and extraordinary as you can, but you're never going to exceed it.
00:03:26
You're never going to attain perfection. Right. Because there's always going to be circumstances in some way, shape, or form that could prevent perfection because what is perfection? It's our idea of how it should turn out or others' ideas of how it should turn out. And guess what? That's not how it's going to go. No matter what you think about and how you perceive it, it's never going to turn out that way. And I always talk about this when I work with a lot of student athletes, and I relate this to baseball because I think it's the most relatable.
00:03:57
Softball players can probably relate too. If you go to the play... thinking you're going to hit a home run off the left field fence. Well, guess what? If somebody throws you a fastball and you can turn on it, that's what happens. But majority of the time, that's not how it's going to go. If you try to pull a ball on the outside corner that they throw sliders or change-ups or curves, you're done. You're going to strike out, right? The expectation of the vision is, oh, I'm going to take it over the left field fence. Well, no. Instead, focus on hitting the ball as far and as hard as you can,
00:04:30
and that could be anywhere on the field. That's your difference. And once you realize that, game changer. And that's almost like that saying that's like shoot for the moon because you'll end up in the stars. Yes. Right? So if you do the fundamental things that get you places, you're going to end up further along than if you were to expect perfection. Absolutely. Because perfection sometimes creates procrastination. Right. It creates the rigid.
00:05:00
that doesn't have growth so it's like you know what i'm not gonna i'm not gonna take that art class because i suck at art so i'm just not gonna do it right well then you're never gonna vote because of the skill right it doesn't matter what it is if you're not good at it all it does is require time and energy to master yep um effort right but so it's really hard though because like if parents are expecting you it kind of feels like they almost don't accept you correct so like what how how can you put it right in your mind that if your parent is expecting.
00:05:31
stuff that they love you but how can you also feel accepted by them well you as a kid should never have to attain to have acceptance from other people what you need to do is be you be the best version of you in every instance you possibly can and then the world will adjust from there like you trying to be accepted to me is, is a waste of time because you're not going to be accepted by, most people and even those people who love you they're not going to accept everything about you.
00:06:06
it's understood right there's an acceptance that or the the acceptance is that the fact that they will not accept you all parts of you but that's going to give you complete inner peace too is when you realize you need to be you that rebel with the cause not the rebel without a cause because then that cause defiance the rebel with the cause of mission and purpose because guess what when you do that all of a sudden everything starts to align then you don't have to worry about being accepted from others the challenge with most kids is they never really fulfill their.
00:06:40
dreams or go on their mission and purpose and fulfill that when they're not there when they aim for acceptance from others you can't you've got to go with your heart and gut and what's pulling you because a lot of times the only way that you're going to gain that acceptance is if you conform to what they want and as you said before if you follow, people you end up in stepping in stuff that they leave behind right you leave them what they leave behind the herd you follow the herd and you step in their crap yeah it's the truth so stop stop.
00:07:11
aiming for acceptance that's a waste of time yeah and accept yourself yes accept who you are and love the superhero power that you've got because i mean you're unique yep and you have that every single person has their gifts and their strengths correct that they can showcase in the world and if you show up like that you then show other people that they that oh that gives them that position right and it also kind of shuts down bullying you ever notice that like the person who's like super confident and like their own stuff like i don't actually care what you think right and then.
00:07:48
the there's no reason to pick on you then because like you're totally in it bullying what people don't realize about bullying is you play a part in it if you don't show up to the, Circus, there's no theater act. Because most bullies, they do what they do to put on a show. Yeah, they want attention. They want attention themselves. So they're doing what they're doing to get an audience. Yeah. When you don't show up to the show, there's nothing for them to bully. Yeah. There's no one or nothing.
00:08:19
So you just don't even put yourself in that situation. You don't even go to the show. Yeah. You know, another example of this, like, don't expect you from others is Sherlock Holmes. Okay. He's always frustrated that other people aren't as smart of him as isn't following him. Like, he literally thinks down. And nobody likes him. No. No, I mean. Nobody likes Sherlock Holmes. The arrogance of the elementary, my dear Watson Elementary. It's like he had that arrogant phrase when he knew it.
00:08:51
It's like, you should know this. Yeah. But the thing that Sherlock Holmes does get right is that he is all him all the time. Correct. Yeah. And people. People still come to him because of that. Right. People are like, okay, you're smart. Right. We don't really like you. We're not going to be friends with you. But I am going to ask you for help because you know your thing. Well, what often happens in the world, and whether you agree with it or not, anybody who's successful or game changer in the world, first they think you're crazy, then they'll ask you how you did it. And that's what happens when you're not looking for acceptance,
00:09:23
when you're just being you, the best version of you. They're going to ask you how you did it. Yeah. Period. I got one more example of this. Obi-Wan Kenobi was expecting Anakin Skywalker to be like him. Yes. And then what happened? What did Anakin say when, because he was like, Obi-Wan felt like it was his fault that Anakin Skywalker was like that. So that was in the series Obi-Wan Kenobi, which is one of my more favorite series that Disney did,
00:09:56
because he said, you know, you didn't destroy Anakin. I did and he he's he basically told him you know it's not your fault it's mine I destroyed Anakin not you right where Obi-Wan Kenobi felt he just felt like he let him down and there's going to be as any master or teacher will feel if your student doesn't learn from you and take on the perspectives and the values and the morals and the beliefs that you have there is going to.
00:10:26
be that level of I failed you right so when when Obi-Wan Kenobi said I'm sorry for all of it, that's when you know Anakin slash Darth Vader said you didn't destroy Anakin I did right right which goes back to there's a couple things one we have the rebel without a cause right it's a villain who just makes choices to be consumed by the narrative that's playing out yeah and then other one is a future episode that's about you have a choice.
00:10:56
every choice you make on your own because there's, There's always someone who's pointing you in one direction and another person pointing you in the other, and you get to choose. Correct. Right? And you get to choose what you build and create every single day. We haven't talked about it, the what wolf you feed, the dark or the light. Right. Every single day, the one that gets stronger is the one that you feed. So if you do make a decision that's poor or has poor consequences, then you take that. Right. Use that, and then shift and adjust for the next time.
00:11:28
Mm-hmm. Yes. Because you learn from whatever results you produce. Yeah. Yeah, which is another episode we're going to talk about. Absolutely. We absolutely love talking about all those things. That's one of my more favorite ones. Yeah. What is it? There's no such thing as failure. Only feedback. Yeah. That's the next episode. You produce results, and then you move from there. Because we've actually recorded this episode a couple times. We have. There's no failure. There's no feedback. The feedback did not come back from the microphone. The feedback was a video of us talking, but nothing that-
00:11:59
Nothing. Nothing else, right? We talk with our hands like. Maybe we'll produce that one anyway and then they can see it and say, this is a great question. A little voiceover. I don't have to listen to them. Yeah, one of those like bad lip syncing ones. Yeah, very true. Yeah. So if you are struggling and you're making choices and you're getting frustrated because you're expecting people to behave and act a certain way or your parents are feeling like you need to be different, you can come here. We can help you out. We can always talk to you. We'd love to talk to you. And, you know, I always tell people the two biggest questions.
00:12:30
you could ever answer, and you're never going to get these right away. They take time, sometimes even years, through your development and growth process. Number one, who are you? That's the first question is you've got to define who you are. And only you can define that and nobody else can. And you can change too. Absolutely. It's flexible. It's not, you know, you can make it over time, but you have to discover who you are. The second thing is, is why are you here? What's your mission? What's your purpose? What's going to light you up inside when you do it? Right. Because I've talked to so many people that say they're not happy in their job. Well, here's the thing.
00:13:00
you're not happy in your job because you're not fulfilling your mission in your job you can fulfill your mission if it's service for instance you can serve people in whatever you do right it might be a waiter or waitress it might be an operator on telephone it might be construction it doesn't matter what your role is are you serving people because that's your mission you're calling yes and it's also a beliefs and mindset thing as well because you know a person who is doing construction can wire their brain to realize that I am serving.
00:13:33
people I am making sure that the roads are safe so that people who are driving and getting can go home to their families absolutely true or whatever it might be it's always a shift in place and if you feel stuck or blocked at Grundy you know we help with that yeah yeah there's a lot of this is just the beliefs that you've limited yourself to and vision that you've limited yourself to and that's where we come through and we love talking about superheroes, Dorian every day every single day, All right. Until next time. Thank you for listening to Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center Capes and Conversations.
00:14:07
We are a non-for-profit 501c3. All donations and sponsorships will be utilized to serve those who may need it and our services through collaborative care with our psychiatric nurse practitioner and or our clinical social workers, yet are unable to afford it. If you would like to sponsor these services, donation links are in the show notes on our website and in our social media outlets. If you have any topics of conversations or questions that we should talk about, please contact us, and if you choose, you will remain anonymous.