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"A LOT with Audra" is the podcast for women juggling big dreams and full lives. Each episode, host, Audra Dinell, Midwestern wife, mom and neurodivergent multi-six figure entrepreneur encourages women to embrace their many roles holistically by living a values-based life with confidence and joy. Through candid discussions, practical strategies and inspiring stories, this podcast is your guide to designing and achieving success without losing yourself in the process.
Ep83
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[00:00:00]
[00:01:00]
Back to School Setup
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Audra Dinell: Hey there. Okay, it's August. So if you are like me, if you are a parent, you are in total back to school mode. So we're gonna make this podcast episode quick and tangible and talk about just one topic, and that topic is self-trust.
Redefining Self Trust
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Audra Dinell: I was with a coaching client the other day and the idea of goals came up.
And this client felt a little resistance in setting audacious goals. And the thought behind the resistance we discovered was the idea of, "Well, if I don't meet my goal that I set for myself, I won't be able to trust myself." And so we just kind of had a heyday there, and I'm so excited to kind of [00:02:00] share this with you as well because I think we often get the concept of self-trust wrong.
I think we often think that self-trust means the ability to trust ourselves to do the right thing, make the right decision, hit the mark, when we're all human. And we all strive to do the right thing, but sometimes we don't know what the right thing is. We all try to hit the goals, but sometimes, especially when our goals are so big, we're not gonna hit them right away.
Self Trust Means Staying
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Audra Dinell: So instead of allowing that to wipe away our self-trust in our ability to show up for ourselves and in this identity that we have, what if instead of self-trust [00:03:00] meaning we trust ourself to make all the right decisions, it meant that we're not going to abandon ourselves when we don't? We're gonna give ourselves some cred, some grace. We are gonna look back on the history of our lives and see that we've always figured it out. So what if self-trust isn't believing that we are always gonna have the right answers and we always know what's the right path, we're always gonna hit the goals, we're always gonna get the wins, I trust myself?
What if instead of that, it's I trust myself to make the best decision, take the best action with what I have right now? Like, I know my intentions. I trust myself to have the right answer for me in this moment, and if I don't, I'm not going to abandon myself. I'm gonna [00:04:00] love myself. I'm gonna look back on the history of my life.
I'm gonna give myself grace, and I'm gonna show up again and again.
Five Ways Overview
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Audra Dinell: Self-trust is something I have majorly worked on in the past couple of years because it can be hard To trust yourself. It can be really hard to be that, like, sturdy, like, "No, I have me. I have my back no matter what." So I wanted to share with you five ways that have helped me build my own self-trust in the past couple of years.
Self Compassion First
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Audra Dinell: Number one, self-compassion. I've already mentioned it on this podcast, but just loving myself so well, and what that means is talking to myself nicely in my head If I make a mistake, forgiving myself. Yes, trying to learn. Yes, trying to find a different method that's gonna get me [00:05:00] what I want in the future, but like forgiving myself We work with this amazing speaker and therapist, Emily Stevens, and this is her whole bit.
Self-compassion is the core of confidence. In the emotional agility work that I've done learning under Susan David, self-compassion is what we must have to show up for ourselves and for reality. So the first way I have learned to build trust is just to love myself well by talking to myself well, trying to make choices that will help me love myself.
If I have overpacked my calendar, canceling a thing or saying no to a thing that I really wanna do, but I know after that big day I'm gonna need some space. So the first way we can do this is to [00:06:00] just offer ourselves so much self-compassion.
Know How You Work
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Audra Dinell: Number two I've also begun to trust myself more and more as I've learned how I operate, and this is where assessments come in, like Enneagram or the Human Design, StrengthsFinders.
I love mining these tools to figure out how I thrive, and I'll just do a bunch of experiments with it. You heard my podcast with Ashley Watkins, who's a Human Design coach, and she talks about my Human Design being a generator. It's best for me to wait to receive, and that can kinda get a little complicated, so I'm not gonna dig super into that.
But learning that about myself helps me not force things into reality. It helps me show up [00:07:00] to the world and myself and my relationships and my desires in a posture of, "I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna use my voice. I'm gonna do, you know, what I can to make this known, and I'm going to be in a mode of waiting to receive.
The right thing will come along." There's been so much in my life where I've really just tried to, like, arm wrestle, like control and force and like, "We're gonna make this happen no matter what." And I've found I can build my self-trust the more I know who I am, and assessments and tools and experimenting with the parts of those tools that stick out to me, that feel right to me about myself and the way I operate, that has helped me build self-trust.
Track Your Wins
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Audra Dinell: Number three. I keep a list of my wins, and I have done this differently over the years. Sometimes I put it in a notes app. I do have email folders that I've talked about [00:08:00] that I pop in good words that people have said to me. I've used a planner that allows me to think back on my wins every week, and I will say that has probably been the most effective.
Every single week, jotting down like three to five wins because if you're looking at the end of the month and you're like, "Oh my gosh, what even just happened?" We tend to forget about, like, all the wins in our world, and we focus more on, like, the gap or what we perceive we lack. And so having that practice of recording three to five wins at the end of every week and then going back in times of doubt or at the end of the month or at the end of the quarter and just looking...
I think I did this at the end of the year, last year. I just looked through my planner at all the wins I recorded, and that just filled me up so much and made me grateful and really built my self-trust. Because my brain is always looking [00:09:00] for what's wrong, what can I fix, where do I need to grow? But as I build self-trust, I really have to look at how far I've come, and I think oftentimes we don't give ourselves enough credit.
People Who Mirror You
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Audra Dinell: Okay, number four A way I have built self-trust in the past handful of years is surround myself with people who are going to be mirrors to me. I have, you know, my husband and my team and dear friends and family in my life that when I'm having a really, really hard time I can go to them and they will mirror back who I am.
When I'm also in a season that's like a peak, it's like a mountain, it's like a really good time and there's a lot to celebrate, they'll help ground me and remind me of the ways that I helped myself along the way get there, or the ways that I'm shining. And vice versa, like this is [00:10:00] something I love to do to them too.
But a way that has been helpful to me to build self-trust is surround myself with people who will remind me who I am when I am at my high and when I'm at my low.
Coaching Builds Trust
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Audra Dinell: Okay, and the last thing, coaching. Number five, coaching. I love working with a coach. I don't ever not wanna have a coach because I just think it's so important to have someone who will keep you accountable, who will help you keep up your momentum, who will remind you of patterns or successes when you're struggling or, like, can't see something.
When you're stuck and you're just really feeling low, having someone to coach you through it can help you build your self-trust. Because that's the whole purpose of coaching. It's not to give, you know, a 10-step plan for how to do X, Y, Z. [00:11:00] It's to have someone help you tap into the answers that you already have.
And when you realize that, that like, "Oh, okay, I do have everything I need," like just that self-trust grows.
Quick Wrap Up
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Audra Dinell: Okay. This was a quick episode. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope there was a tip that you're like, "Ooh, yes, I could do this and that could help me learn to trust myself more, to go after the big things I want in this world and know if I fall short, that doesn't mean I suck.
That doesn't mean I failed. That doesn't mean I can't trust myself. It means that, like, my dreams are really big and stretchy, and that's a good thing." Have a great week. I will see you back for a short episode again next week
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