F*ck Fear with Christine Spratley: Living Like a Head Bitch In Charge | I Have Never Lived Today Before

In today's episode of Fuck Fear with Christine Spratley, Christine discusses her personal journey after being in a car wreck and the importance of taking time to learn and grow from life's challenges. She shares insights inspired by Dr. Becky Kennedy on the significance of the 'learning space,' where resilience is built. Christine emphasizes the value of embracing confusion and frustration as signals of opportunity for growth rather than symptoms of inadequacy. By drawing parallels between daily experiences and broader life lessons, she encourages listeners to practice grace, remain curious, and continually seek personal evolution.

00:00 Introduction and Welcome Back
01:07 Personal Update: Overcoming Challenges
01:53 Exciting Announcements for the Podcast
02:22 Today's Episode: Embracing the Learning Space
03:00 Insights from Dr. Becky Kennedy
04:39 The Importance of Continuous Learning
07:41 Dealing with Emotions and Self-Compassion
08:54 Practical Examples and Personal Stories
11:06 Embracing Uncertainty and Growth
23:38 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Creators and Guests

Host

Christine (HBIC) Spratley

Dynamic Public Speaker | Change Catalyst | Career Navigation Coach

What is F*ck Fear with Christine Spratley: Living Like a Head Bitch In Charge ?

This podcast is for anyone who wants to live like an HBIC—or lives with, works with, marries, dates, or is raising one. Let’s be real: being a Head Bitch in Charge is messy, bold, and unapologetically badass. This is not a guidebook—it’s a pantry.

My guests and I will share the ingredients that we use—what’s worked and what’s failed—as we say “fuck fear” and take action to live a fulfilled life. We cover real-life hacks and deep philosophical pillars to navigate the chaos of everyday life—where some days, my only accomplishment is having a bra on and my teeth brushed.

We’re tackling the daily shit women navigate, from workplace politics to relationships, raising kids, and building careers, all with humor, audacity, and zero filters.

So, tune in—tell your friends, and even your enemies. This isn’t about aging with grace—it’s about aging with mischief, audacity, and a damn good story to tell.

52 FF - I never lived today before
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[00:00:00]

Christine: hello, ladies and gentlemen and everyone in between. Welcome to Fuck Fear with Christine Spratley and living like a Head Bitch in charge. And Joe, it's been a day. It's been a minute.

Joe: Yes.

Christine: Hasn't it?

Joe: Welcome back.

Christine: I know you're back. Um, IF. If, if you, if you follow me, um, you'll have been receiving some of the, [00:01:00] the repeats.

Um, thank you for, for listening to them. Again, they were some of the, the ones that people liked the most. Um, and I was actually in a, in a wreck in August and it was my fault. It's funny when, when you get honest about stuff and somebody said, so what happened? And I said, well, the car in front of me stopped and I didn't, I mean, that's just kind of what happened, but it messed me up.

But everybody walked away. Everybody drove away except my car. And, um, and so I, I took a little time and before that I was ripping and running and you know, it's one of those things where you you realize that maybe you should slow down a little bit and take a look around and make sure you're.

You're you're doing things you want to, but ladies and gentlemen, I'm back. Um, we've got some exciting things coming up and Joe that will be releasing some things about this coming, um, [00:02:00] up. I'm, the website's changing. We're having the second season of this. Um, podcast and we're doing, and I'm not gonna spill any of the surprises, but we're doing the formats a little bit different.

Um, and, and so we're still doing the pantry and all that because that's what this is about. But we're just gonna deliver it a little bit different. And so I'm really excited. So stay tuned. So today's episode, but before we get into that, Joe, we've been off for three weeks about, got some fresh immunity and it looks like there's a lot of pepper today.

I know. I was shaking

Joe: my saw. There's a lot of pepper in there. Inch on the bottom.

Christine: Yeah. Oh my god. It falls so quick. Okay, you ready? Tell me when you're ready. I'm ready. Okay. 1, 2, 3, go.

Oh my god. Oh god. That's good. Shit. I like, oh, that is, so I miss that. Mm, that's some good stuff. Juice vibes. Whoops. Sorry. And carry immunity. Um, oh, ah, ah, yeah. All [00:03:00] right. Well, today is about, um, the title of, of the episode today is called, I've Never Lived Today before and a while back I had. Listened on YouTube to this lady named Dr.

Becky. And um, her name is Dr. Becky Kennedy. She's a clinical psychologist, psychologist. A parenting expert. Um, she's oftentimes called the Millennial Parent Whisperer. Um, and she's the founder and CEO of Good Inside. It's a parenting platform. Um, she's also the best author of Good Inside. Um, and I came across a clip of hers on YouTube, she talks about the space between not knowing and knowing 'cause she's talking, there's a couple different clips, but the one that I first saw was her talking to a group of students at Duke University and she [00:04:00] said, you know, the, the space between that is called the learning space, and that's where resiliency comes from and.

I've, you know, and I was thinking about that, and, and that's where you wanna spend time is because if you can deal with the frustration that comes from the space of not knowing and, and knowing, and that trial and trying, the trial and error of figuring it out and getting through there to that destination of knowing, um, the more resilience you have, the more time you spend there.

And so I started thinking about this and. I was like, and, and again, I, I am always growing and changing and we've had this on this podcast before about, you know, what happens to our brain when we stop challenging it and we stop and we start and we, and we don't just stay that, that level, our brain, you know, it's becomes the cells that deter, they deteriorate.

They need that [00:05:00] stimulation, they need that ever pushing and learning, and. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and we were talking and, and this is kind of one of those things where I literally have things sort of repeat themselves in my life over a week or over a month. And, and this has been over the last month and I was having multiple conversations where.

I go, God, I should know this. Why am I re like, why is this? And I would find myself saying that to myself. But then when somebody would come up to me and they would say, man, and I, I know, you know, like, ah, I have this, or I should be better than this. Or I should know this. And I'm, you know, um, whether it be about, I'm not at the stage of where I should be with my career.

And, and I would always say, well, you know, give yourself some grace. You've never lived this day before. [00:06:00] As much knowledge as we have. Oh, we've never lived this day before. And the concept, the idea, and so I started to spend time with it. The concept and the idea of, I'm always, hopefully, hopefully in the learning space in that state of with, with pockets of getting to knowing.

But then I leave from there and I go to the next. A place that I don't know yet, whatever it is, and I've, I've said this before, that, you know, you never arrive until you're dead. You never arrive. And I always think, you've heard me say this before too. It's, you know, life is like when you're hooked up to a heart monitor, it goes boop boop.

But then sometimes it goes boop, boop boop, boop boop, and sometimes it goes boop boop. You know, like, it, it just, but it never, you never want that flat line. And it's [00:07:00] amazing how I get into the delusion or the illusion, the, the delusion of the illusion that

I am going to reach a point, a space in which it's gonna be, I'm gonna get it and it's gonna stay. And it's gonna, and, and that's where I wanna be. Not only do I think that it's always gonna be like that, but that's where I wanna be when really I wanna be learning, I wanna be educating, I wanna be, I wanna be intaking.

I have a friend that always calls it the investigation or doing an investigation. And life is about investigating, you know? Um, I, I was at a, at a, with some women the, the other day, and we were talking about anger. And we were talking about, you know, I should not, you know, and I heard a lot, I shoulds, I shouldn't, I should know this.

Um, and you know, I should, I practiced this. I should, [00:08:00] and I always have the best. Forget her. But what it is, is that I've never practiced it today. I've never dealt with anger in this situation today. Or maybe I have, but it caught me a little off guard. And so it's just this thing of continually. What's it telling me?

I'm not gonna fight it. I'm gonna receive the information and I'm gonna feel it, and I'm going to look around and see what it tells me. And I just think that there is this moment. For me when I go, oh, something's going on. And typically that's an emotion. And you know, when I recognize an emotion and then I start to intake the information and that's when I start learning.

And it may be something that I is real familiar but has a little twist on it. You know, it's like, it's like when you have that, this is what it's like when [00:09:00] you go to a restaurant and they, and you order the same thing there and you go to that restaurant for that thing, right? And then they get a new cook.

Or they get a new line guy and they add a little different, or they didn't put just, you know, it's like, I always ask when I, when I go somewhere, I'm like, who's behind the line today? You know, because I wanna know who made, 'cause they all make it a little different. And so it's like, that's what it's like.

It's like, I think I'm gonna get the same thing every day. And we don't get that. I think because I dealt with anger in my relationship back here that I'm gonna be able to deal with it the same way. With someone that I've never had that interaction with before, but we're in a relationship, we're dating, we're doing this or whatever, so therefore I'll know.

And it's like, you don't know until you're in the ring if you're ready, how you're gonna respond. And so I just think that for, you know, when I recognize that I'm in this space, in between it is I, I get, there's confusion, [00:10:00] there's frustration. There's irritation. Usually there's a little bit of fear that kind of like, I get heightened a little bit.

I'm like, Ooh, something's going on here. I'm not quite sure what's going on. And my, my British friend r calls it being askew. Something's a little skew and you, you just kinda perk up a little bit. Something's, you know, and there's not quite there. But then I go, instead of saying, oh shit, I should know this.

And I go, wait a minute, I, this is a chance for me to learn. And then I start the investigation. And so it's, it's, it's kind of like when I start the investigation, in order for me to allow myself to do that, I have to sit there and go, I have to one, acknowledge that I don't know, but two, I have to quit saying I should know and.

I grew up [00:11:00] in a world as a woman that tells me I should do a lot of fucking things. I should, I should, I should. And then I started repeating those things to myself and especially in the area of emotional regulation, emotional response, and then also in the area of how I, not emotional response, but my action.

I've gotten really good at beating the crap outta myself for being confused, being irritated, um, having some imperfections, not following through, and being frustrated, being angry. And instead of doing that, in order for me to embrace that learning zone, I, I have to kind of step back and go, I'm gonna give myself a little bit of grace here.

This is, this is actually a good thing that I'm, all these things, it's not, I'm [00:12:00] broken. It's not, I need to be fixed. It's not, I need another round of therapy always. Sometimes it's just I've never encountered this. And yeah, this is my first reaction. And so it allows me, then I get rid of the shoulds and, and it allows me then to go, I get to learn, um.

Sometimes I don't wanna learn. Sometimes, you know, we talked about who moved my cheese. Sometimes I am. I am the, the, the guy who I like, it's gonna come back. I'm not doing it and I get real angry. But when I get over that, I can go, okay, I can embrace it and I can pick up and I can go look for my, geez, I can start investigating and I can start finding it and I get to.

Understand that it's about the repetition. It's about the repetition. It's about the repetition of [00:13:00] looking and seeking and enjoying that along the way. And you've always, everybody's heard, it's the journey. It's not the destination. And we talk about that in life. But what does that look like? What does it look like to enjoy the journey?

Is it just the things or is it enjoying the uncomfortable state that we get into when we don't know? When we, we, we are able to stay and go, Ooh, I'm frustrated 'cause I don't understand this yet. Um, I've learned it. It's funny 'cause I'll, I'll break this down. In a non-emotional, um, type of reaction. I'm dyslexic with numbers and twos, and what I've realized is I have to slow down and I literally can do things and, and type the same, you [00:14:00] know, transposed numbers.

Five times, and it's like, and I, and I've done that and I have little cheat sheets and I know how to do it. And, but, but every once in a while I will get so, and, and, and when I start to embrace it and just kinda laugh, all right, kiddo. But otherwise I'm sitting there going like this, trying to, you know, and it, and it just gets heightened and heightened.

Heightened. And. That's the way sometimes that I look at this. It's like I can either shit on myself or I can get angry, um, and, and force it, or I allow myself to go, no, this is about practicing. I'm practicing today. I'm practicing everything that I learned yesterday and all these years of wisdom that I've gained and I'm gonna practice it in today, and I may not do it all.

Right. And for those of you that can't see, it's the quotations around what is [00:15:00] right. But I'm gonna give it the best practice I can, and that way I enjoy the journey. But I, you know, I think it's, and I could be wrong, but I think it's Jimmy Carr and I, you know, Jimmy Carr, right? The comedian,

Joe: um, I can't place it, but I'm gonna him up.

Okay.

Christine: Well, he's really, really hilarious. Inappropriate. He basically, he's a British, British, A British comedian. Yeah. Okay. I got it. Basically takes down heckler's. And, and just right up my alley for, I love British humor. I love the, you know, the, the off color. Um, actually it's, to me it's right on color, um, nature of it.

And, um, but he's talking about nobody. Everybody says that they are. They want what you have, but nobody wants No. And and they, they're proud of what you have. And they look at that and they, oh, man. But they never say that. They admire, they admire what you have, but they don't admire how [00:16:00] you got it. Like they don't wanna go through the learning phase, the hard stuff.

And it's really interesting because that's where, what makes it so good in the end. You know, it's, and you've heard me say this before and I'll never forget it, working out boxing in Richard Lord's boxing gym. And it was just hot and it was just a, like, it was just a, a, a wear, not a warehouse, but a, you know, just a gym, that warehouse type of thing.

And oh my God, it was hot and small and, and you would get, I, we would, I would, I, I would freeze my water bottle the day before. Then I would put it out as in Texas, Austin, Texas, summer Heat put it outside the start of the workout and then after it would taste so good. Right. And that's, that's the thing is it doesn't taste so good unless it's really hot out and you've just worked your ass off and you're just, [00:17:00] ah, it just tastes like water.

And so I am practicing all the knowledge that I had. I'm gonna do it that I've been given and I'm practice it today to see what applies, what doesn't, what needs to be adjusted, what's changed, you know, what's changed from when I first put this into play? And I think that allows me. One lighten up, Francis.

But it allows me to just really look at that and go, and some days, frankly, I'm not practicing it a hundred percent. There's some days where I did not, you know, we'd have it, we'd have the boxing gym and we'd be like, okay. You'd hear the, you'd hear the bell and you, you'd hear that. And it's that, that, that 10 seconds right at the end of the bell and you're supposed to just go at it.

And I just, oh, oh, fuck it. You know? So some days I don't practice a hundred percent. [00:18:00] Some days I'm not capable of it. So it may look a little different. And some days what I practice, I need to change because why? It's, it's executed a different way. I mean, think about your family lies, and then we'll take this into work.

But think about your family lives, whatever you're doing, you're not the same age with the same exact people at their same age that they were. Five, six years ago, y'all have had different experiences, different groups, different whatever. Some of you have worked on shit. Some of you have gained more baggage, some of you have lost baggage, you know, so there's, so yeah, you have the dynamics and you know them, but you put it in play today.

[00:19:00]

riverside_aug_27 part 2_raw-synced-video-cfr_fuck_fear_0070: I sometimes think of it like athletes. When athletes go and they train, they always are checking in with their body. What did they eat today? How's this? And there's so many different things and. We are kind of like the athletes in our lives, and I think we forget to check in and go, oh, well how did it go?

And what's going on and what, what, what is it? And instead of doing that, a lot of times I'll go into that. Confusion means failure. Frustration means failure. You know, this, this immediate thought of it's not where I should [00:20:00] be. And actually. It's exactly where I should be in that I'm learning something's of askew or something feels different.

And I, I think too, the other part of that, we are fighting against a society that tells us, and that value of us as human beings is certainty, mastery, and control. And when we are in the learning zone or the learning space, as Dr. Becky calls it, I'm not in there. I don't have certainty all the time. I don't have mastery just yet, and there's a lot of times I don't have control.

Not ultimate. So it's like we're taught if I don't know, I'm behind, I'm confused, I'm weak. I need to be fixed. That's a big one for women. I need to, I need to do [00:21:00] something with me. And I think that while, you know, I think Dr. Becky talks about it being good inside while learning. I kind of even take that a step further and say, that is part of the learning.

Is recognizing that I don't have control, that I am frustrated that I do have feelings, and going and going out and investigating what's triggering all that. Why is it happening? What's new? What's different? Hmm. You know, what's different at Thanksgiving this year? You know, is it just that Uncle Joe had a little bit of too much wine before, before we dined. Or is it something else? Or have I changed? Am I reacting different? And all of that is good. It's not, confusion is a signal, not a symptom. And I think it's a signal for me to go, let's look around.

Let's figure this out. [00:22:00] And when I do that, I get to enjoy that journey. I start to relax. An example for me is when I faced, I brought up this before, anger. Anger was something that was never something I ever liked to feel, um, because it was always expressed, not because it was bad, but what happened because of anger was bad.

Like the, you know, I grew up in a, in, in a, in an abusive household and just, just, I don't, I don't do conflict. I was once told that I like to give out recipes, you know, like here, like that's my thing. I give 'em a recipe, you know, I don't like conflict. And it's funny 'cause I was in a, in a, um, in a industry that had a lot of conflict, but it was about figuring out how to get through the conflict.

But anger for me was not something that I ever, and, and again, it was, oh, ooh, something's wrong if I'm angry. And now what I do is I've [00:23:00] separated the acts that I do when I'm angry from the feeling, and I've noticed that it just kind of goes through me. It literally feel, I mean, I feel that, I feel it deep down in my soul, but I don't.

It doesn't come out my mouth. It doesn't, it doesn't go off in you blanky, blank, blank. Or, or, you know. And I start to react different because I'm withholding that reaction and I'm just letting it go through me and I'm taking an information. Okay. And that to me is learning. And that the other part about never learn, never living today.

Getting to approach it that way is everything that I learned yesterday, I get to choose what I carry into today. I get to say, does it apply? Do I wanna [00:24:00] unlearn some things? Do I wanna be better than I was yesterday? 'cause yesterday was kind of a crappy day. I didn't really do much. I kind of was out there messing around in people's stuff.

It was a real unsettling day, and I get to look at that and investigate that and then go, what do I want to do today? How do I want today to work? How am I interacting today? And this is, this is gonna sound silly, but I had a really bad day the other day. Like it, not bad day, but it's, it was very intense stuff going on.

And, um, I literally was driving 'cause I drive when I'm upset, which I don't know if you should do or not after I'm coming off a wreck. But I actually was in a great mood when I had my wreck. I mean, I was, oh, it was, I was in such a great mood. Um, and, um, but I do that, I kind of took clear my head and what I did was I was driving and I started to decide that I wanted to look for goodness.

So. I was stuck in this, [00:25:00] you know, the, the traffic thing where the guy turns the sign, you know, he has to let you go or whatever. Yeah. Construction zone. Yeah. And, and I'm going through and I'm just like, where can I find, you know, where can I put some goodness and change, you know? And so the guy at the other end, I'm driving through and he had a, I could see he had a mu so I'm slowing down.

And I started to look at him 'cause I'm start and I unroll my window 'cause I'm gonna say something and, and. You know me. And so he, he has this huge long Texas style mustache, you know, just Sammy Sam mustache. And I go, I love your mustache. And he's out there flipping, you know, like, and he goes, oh, thank you.

And, and I started to do that. And then I did some stuff at the gas station with, you know, and I just started to interact differently and it changed and. I tell everybody that because that's the beauty of not have living that day before. [00:26:00] So I had this, you know, it sounded, it sounded normal. I'd gone through some shit, been down that road before, you know, but I decided, okay, what do, what, what do I wanna do?

How do I wanna do this? And I started to get information. The information was, I was just, I was just upset and I wanted to change, and I let that feeling go. And so I just, I instead of. I just started engaging differently and I had heard before, look for the miracles. Look to, you know, when you're getting upset.

Try to do something nice for somebody and it'll change your attitude. But I hadn't practiced it in a while, but I did that day. And that's the beauty of it, is I get to practice as much of yesterday and what I've learned into today, or I can learn something new. And so I just want to, to tell you to value the frustration, the uncertainty, the lack of [00:27:00] mastery, the lack of control, and embrace it in the sense of, Hey, what is this?

What's going on? What can I learn? And maybe, and a lot of times, I don't know about you, Joe. A lot of times what I think I'm supposed to learn and what I'm supposed to learn are two very different things. The other thing I'll say is that I always, I laugh at myself when I think I've learned something because typically I learn the true lesson like way after the event, you know, I think I know, oh, that's what I was supposed learning.

Oh, this was the goodness of that. It's like, like six months later I'll be like, oh my gosh. Wow. That's what I learned and that's what I get to take into tomorrow. And so I, I don't, and again, I have the [00:28:00] best forgetter in the world. I'm telling y'all this and I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna get into frustration.

I'll probably get it on the way home 'cause I drive that route home and, you know, everybody drives real slow. Um, but, but I have the ability. To get into a learning space. And also, I don't just take it into the day, but if I take this approach into my relationship with myself and who I was yesterday. Who I was, who, who you are at this moment of listening to this.

You've got tomorrow that you get to be something else, or you can bring everything that you want or you can leave behind things that you don't want. But be curious about who you are, who you're growing into. I was talking to a friend of mine who [00:29:00] she just, she just left her corporate job and I left mine a year ago.

And I remember this other lady telling me, oh gosh, you get to redefine all these things about you. And I'm like, yeah, but there's so many things that I don't know about me, and there I don't know what I like. You know? I don't need 36 flavors. I need dew. But it's pretty awesome that I can look at 36 flavors and go, huh?

And so I was talking and we were talking about it, and it takes this time. You know, we've gone from certainty. We've gone from this is what it is, and, and now instead of being the tree, we get to be the wind and we get to fly through things and go through things and go, Ooh, I like this. Oh no, I don't like that.

Or I thought I like this. And then three weeks later I go, no, that's okay.

So as you go [00:30:00] through this, remember that. Life is a perpetual first draft that's always getting revised and edited and added to, and taken out and, and it's not a finished product. Confusion is a signal, not a symptom. It doesn't mean because I'm frustrated and I haven't learned it. I haven't learned it yet.

I haven't done it yet. You're in it, you're doing it. And take the grace of the journey and value that over the arrival, and not necessarily over, but value it at least as much. Being unfinished is the most human thing we can be. So, [00:31:00] you know, welcome to the University of Confusion. It's a lifelong degree, and I have moments of epiphanies and Oh yeah, boom, they're, and it's like shooting stars.

It's like, oh yeah. And then what happens is the star disappears. You don't get a hold that, and so I'm gonna practice this and I'm gonna try it. I have been trying it, but I want to, and I, I have, I've, I, I've, I do. I like, I, I don't always embrace it, but I know that's where I'm given the gift of, of insight is in the learning.

You know, I get to be the most human thing I get to be, and I get to, you know, and, and this is what's fun. Is as soon as we learn something, and I think about this when I watch little kids and they learn something, okay, [00:32:00] soon as they learn something, oh, I wrote, I like, remember when you got the big wheel?

You made the three wheeler. You know the, and then they came out with the one that had the, the break on it. Oh yeah. That was awesome. And then so what you did is you learned how to go fast, right? And then you learned how to, and then as soon as you learned that, you went on to learning how to crank that brake and flip around.

Right. So, so that's the thing is even when we arrive, we go again. And so you're always in this state of moving. And so if you're always in this state of moving. You know, there's yesterday, may not you ate yesterday. It may not sustain you for what you need to do today because you've never lived it before.

So, ladies, gentlemen, not only enjoy the journey, but be in the journey. Be in the, what is the stage in May. [00:33:00] What do I get to learn? Not, and, and yet, I'm not saying you have to do it with smiles, 'cause I don't always do that. Sometimes I do that with middle fingers, both unicorns up, you know? And sometimes I'm bitching along the way.

But understand that that isn't necessarily a flaw if you're moving forward. You're trying to get to that learning. And I'll leave you with this. Is that rhe? And literally we were talking this morning and she said, and I said, you know, I really treasure this when I can embrace the suck or the learning or whatever.

And, and she said, you know, think about those that don't. What kind of life is that? What kinda life is it where you have to control, you know, you only [00:34:00] value control mastery conclusion instead of 90, like all of our lives are spent in this state of, well, I think I know. I mean, how, what if I, what if you learned everything that you were supposed to learn yesterday and you didn't get to learn anymore?

Think about that. Think about five years ago, where would you'd be done? You can't, I can't get anymore if I'm done. And so, and me being me, I want all of it. As painful as it is, as confusing as, and as scary as sometimes it is. And that's why I have my tribe, and that's why I have. The people around me who are in the learning space of their lives and into the being is because then they go, this [00:35:00] is what I learned.

I don't know if it'll work. This is why I have a pantry. So embrace that. If you, that's your homework, just try it. What can you be in you today? What are you noticing? What's your signal of confusion? What's your discomfort? You know? Sometimes it's simple, sometimes it's complex, but it's all living and it's the most human thing that we are.

So until next time, tubs.

[00:36:00]