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Finding life after loss, Two Dancing Widows dives into the stories of resilience, hope, and transformation. Hosts Toni and Hettie welcome new guests each week, from widowers and life coaches to those battling severe illness, who share their journeys through struggle and their paths back to joy. This podcast is for anyone navigating grief or simply looking for inspiration to live and love deeply again. Tune in for heartfelt conversations that remind us all that healing, while challenging, is a dance worth stepping into.
Coming up on this episode of Two Dancing Widows.
This is actually the end of our season, but that doesn't mean that you are free to sign
off.
Because we're going to be doing some things to somewhere that we're just going to call
pop-offs and pop-out.
And what that is going to be is just things that happen in the summer of fun things that
we find to do.
We're going to just kind of talk to you about it because at the end of the day, everything
that we do, we want it to end in joy.
We wanted to end with you putting on your dancing shoes.
Welcome to Two Dancing Widows.
The podcast where hosts Tony and Heady explore life after loss and the strengths we find
in each other's stories.
In this episode, Tony and Heady reflect on the incredible journey of the past season,
the lessons learned, the laughter shared, the sorrow carried, and the joy rediscovered
along the way.
They open up about finding purpose after loss, embracing new adventures, and why healing
doesn't mean standing still.
And while this may be the season finale, the conversation isn't ending.
Our hosts share exciting plans for summer, pop-offs, and bonus moments filled with fun,
connection, and joy.
Be sure to join the Two Dancing Widows Facebook group to stay connected during the break
and catch up on every previous episode anytime.
This can be found at TwoDancingWidows.Transistor.fm.
And now here's Heady to start the episode.
Hello listeners, it is The Two Dancing Widows and we are back.
And we've got a couple of things to tell you.
This is actually the end of our season, but that doesn't mean that you are free to sign
off.
Because we're going to be doing some things to the summer that we're just going to call
pop-offs and pop-out.
And what that is going to be is just things that happen in the summer of fun things that
we find to do.
We're going to just kind of talk to you about it because at the end of the day, everything
that we do, we want it to end in joy.
We want it to end with you putting on your dancing shoes.
And we've got a couple of projects that we're going to talk about in just a minute.
But before I do that, we're going to just talk about summarizing what we did this season.
Because we made a couple of promises to you that we have not kept.
One was that when we talked about reconnecting, I was supposed to go out and reconnect
with someone and we were going to come back and talk about it.
I've actually had a couple of you ask me, did I reconnect?
The answer is no, but it is not because I didn't try.
It's because I couldn't find the people I want to reconnect with.
And Tony, did you have some things that you promised this year that you didn't do?
I did promise to use the one app that you told me about.
Then we talked about connecting to new people.
And I did not do that.
So we both have to get busy with that.
And I know because we have had people ask us that you're listening and we can't make
promises that we don't keep.
The other thing that we're actually going to be working on this summer is that we are
doing a grief journal.
And so we're in a process of doing that now.
We're hoping to just put in some good quotes and we pull some things from some of the episodes
that we've worked on.
We plan to put those together in a grief journal that will be produced.
And you know, it'll go to the printer.
We will send in all of our things on June 1st.
It should be available at the end of June.
And it will be available in many of the bookstores across the city and in other places.
It is being produced by beyond the book for us.
And we're really excited about it.
So what it will look like is just a journal, some place where you can go and put some of
your deepest thoughts, some of your good times, some of your fun times.
And maybe even some of the times where you've creed and you needed to write it down or
you just needed a place to be quiet.
We promise that the prompts will really challenge you to think and rethink.
It takes me a long time to go through them because each one I'm answering in my head
and I'm thinking about how do I really feel about this in questioning myself.
So I think they'll be very worthwhile prompts and really help you along the way on your
journey.
To articulate your feelings in.
This one's out once again, we'll pop in and pop out with the information on that.
So today what we wanted to talk about is we wanted to take a chance to revisit some
of the episodes that we've done.
And it with this, what we're really asking and hoping is that we've heard from different
ones of you through phone calls or emails or whatever.
Is that you let us know what you'd like and be honest about what you didn't like because
we don't want to do that again.
We want this to be sort of a collaboration between us and you.
We want to talk about those things that are meaningful to you and those things that
bring you joy.
So having said that, Tony, what was one of your best for favorite, you know, take things
of podcast that we did this year?
Well, there were a few of them, I'll say all of them, but I know we talked to a real
estate agent whose name was Tony and I'm in the process of going through many of the
suggestions and the things that she talked to us about and trying to decide whether to
sell your home, what to buy, where to buy it, all those things.
And so I'm smack dab in the middle of that.
So I appreciate the wisdom that she shared with us that day.
Yeah, that one was really good.
But you know, one of ours that continues to be really popular is there was an interview
with Dr. Erica Collins on resilience and then the girls lunch tends to be pretty powerful.
And people have listened to that multiple number of times.
And those were both in season one.
Of course, season one.
Yes, yes.
We're now in season two, closing out and moving on to season three.
But for season two, one of my other ones was of course it was remembering Brandy Collins
texture, which was my daughter that I lost last year to think radic cancer.
Just talking about her as an individual, all the things that she was able to accomplish
in her short life in all the ways that she, you know, meant so much to me and other than
just being my daughter as a person and just talking about her life.
So that was one of my favorite ones and one that also.
Oh, we got a lot of feedback on it.
And also I think it would be nice for you to share, Eddie, what we just went to last week
that honors Brandy so that people in this area that are out here with us, they have
an opportunity to go and sit somewhere very special.
Yeah.
So if you're in Flossmore, the city of Flossmore dedicated bench to her down in the downtown
area, it's really pretty and it has her name on it.
And also we've got a word just the weekend before Mother's Day that the University of Washington
is recognizing her for some of the work that she did on privacy issues for the public and
bringing awareness to how, you know, all of these apps and all are sharing and making
money off of your information that they don't have to permission to do or to use and that
you're not getting anything from it.
So we will receive that for her most generously in the fall of this year.
Thanks.
And if you're in downtown Flossmore right on the corner where the I-Glass doctor's office
is, take a seat and just reflect on good memories of Brandy.
Yeah.
And new memories, those things that you yourself want to think about and how you're going
to improve your life and things that concern you.
How do you reach out to the public?
You know, if everybody just reached out once or twice in their life to help somebody outside
of the family, just someone in the general public with information moving on or realizing
who they are, I think that we'd have a much better world.
Part of it is about kindness.
And the other part is about service.
Absolutely.
It is about service.
I, we're also trying something new this evening, which I'm excited about.
And that's we have belonged to a book club.
We've talked to you about our literary ladies book club and it has been an existence almost
20 years, I believe.
Yeah.
And we just enjoy getting together once a month, no matter what has happened in our lives,
we make it to book club.
And so tonight we are coming outside of our homes or restaurant or something and we're
I'm hosting at the Beyond the Book bookstore in Homewood and I think that's going to be
exciting.
What a perfect place to host a book club.
And not only that, we have just going to be an author there signing her book and it's
called a wedding in Harlem.
Yes, I can't wait.
I can't wait either.
Oh, and by the way, we were going to do a podcast and maybe we'll pop it off this summer
at some point about our girls trip.
We just get back from a girls trip and there were seven of us.
Yes.
And we went to the house down on the beach and tested.
Now I do have to tell you.
Well, we did walk on the beach, but nobody really went to the beach because it was a little
bit cold, but it was beautiful.
And we did all these other things and the house was nice and it had multiple porches and
porches and we just went up there and relaxed and had fun.
We played games and made jewelry.
We painted.
Yes, it was a lot of fun.
That's my kind of relaxation and my kind of week we went shopping multiple times.
She didn't tell you that.
But we ate every night out.
We had a beautiful kitchen and I think only one lady cooked one time and the rest of
the time we went out every.
We didn't go out for breakfast, but we kind of got our breakfast together at the house.
But we went out every night to a different restaurant and the food was great.
We had a grand time.
We did some dancing.
We did.
Oh, yeah, we had a good time and it was fun.
I just...
Did we flirt?
Oh, well, I got it.
Yes, we did.
We had fun.
It was almost embarrassing.
We sang at the restaurants.
We just had a really good time.
We know all of that is because old women don't have filters even though...
That's true.
Whoops, our youngest member's age, like 52 or 53.
We had younger people there.
I mean, younger compared to us.
Right.
Their mother's age.
But getting back to our interviews, I think one of my favorite ones was our interview
with Johans Kour.
I love that one too.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Yeah, he was a young man who really showed a lot of resilience.
He had gone to prison for some earlier crimes where he was actually selling drugs.
It was sort of a pretty good home, but he straight totally away from there.
No real father figure and all of that even though he knew his father and they got together
and become great friends since then.
And he wound up going about 10 years of prison.
Yes.
But since the time he's left prison, he has become a Pulitzer Prize winner for his writing
and his ability and his investigative skills.
I thought he was pretty inspirational.
Just in such a deep thinker, but he really left the message with me that no matter what
has been your past, it doesn't define who you can be now and who you can be in your
future.
And I thought that was a real strong message that we don't let our past and our pains define
us.
Exactly.
And, you know, I just love that whole thing.
And he also did one called new attitude.
Yes.
And that was a fun one.
And we kind of bounced off of Caddy LeBale's song.
And it is about getting a new attitude and changing your perspective on life and being
able to pick yourself up and go on.
Not necessarily as the person that you were.
And part of that going on is we're discovering the new you, the new you.
And it's okay to be a new you.
It's okay to be a different you.
And sometimes that brings sadness to people because they don't want to leave who they
were.
But life forces you too.
I mean, whether you want to or not.
Well, we could comfortable in the space.
And we, you know, it, okay.
So I will give this church analogy, which I do it quite often.
So you probably some of our listeners have heard me say this before.
You go to a church that maybe you have never been to before or you have seldom been there.
And you know, you're there earlier on time and you take a seat.
The someone comes and says, that's my seat or someone looks at you and says, that's
so and so seat.
You know, I mean, I know we're in church.
But my first response is to remind them that they are too.
I usually say, well, this is church, isn't it?
Yes.
And meaning, where is your kindness and can you say someone else?
But I recognize that even in church, we can set ourselves up where we're positioned
in a position of entitlement.
Just because we sat there in the past, we get to always sit there.
Nobody sits there.
That's not growth.
That's not, it's not real comfort.
Right.
It's not.
It's sort of selfishness in a way when you come to a place to, there should be a place
of joy and cheer and inclusion.
And inclusion.
And inclusion, yeah.
The welcoming.
Yes.
You changing your seat or a guess.
At some point you may say that guess, I did you like my seat.
I usually sit there, but I was glad that you get a chance to sit with the people around
you, you know, good to you.
Have it used as a, you know, as a prompt.
Yes.
To start a conversation, to be kind and to accept gratitude.
Our past year, years ago, Reverend Frank would often remind us to not do that.
That that was really very unkind.
And we didn't own any of the seats in the church, but I'll have to admit that sometimes
I was guilty of that.
This is my cue.
This is my role.
This is my seat.
And so it, people get into very bad habits.
We get attitudes about it.
Yeah, bad habits.
Yes.
And all good stuff that they come church, you get an attitude because someone's the seat
that they proclaim.
Absolutely.
They're home.
Yeah.
Now, I think it's hard sometimes for, we talked a little bit earlier today about roles
and how roles change and that sometimes the roles us off.
We want to hold on to those roles that we have.
And so that, I think we talked a little bit about that in that episode too, having a
new attitude is that sometimes the door closes on roles.
Yeah.
You have to go on and pick something different.
And sometimes being unsettled is uncomfortable.
And something like that could unsell you.
Absolutely.
There's some joy and fun, you know, new ways to approach it.
Yes.
Doing something different.
Yeah.
Because that whole, I'm not a wife any longer.
I was a wife, a great wife, but you were too.
We had wonderful marriages, but that door is closed.
Yes.
I like to ask you, Tony, what was the great, what has been your greatest role that you've
ever played in life?
Well, I will tell you the role of mom, mom and grandma.
I think those are the greatest roles after wife.
I was one of those girls that grew up, what you know, you had your notebook and you put
your stickers on your notebook and everything.
Well, after I started dating Jimmy, I would write my name as Tony Norell.
Okay.
And so I would always write that.
And so all I really ever wanted to do in life, really, my goals were, I wanted to be a
school teacher.
I wanted to be a wife and a mom.
And that was, that was it.
That was a compliment.
I have accomplished those.
And that brings me joy and somewhat a bit of sadness sometimes.
Because those roles end.
Those roles end well, one ended and the others changed.
Dressed a grout.
Right.
Because it changes.
Seeing a mom, but it changed all as a mother changes.
And especially when you're in your purpose and your response and all it is, it gives you
instructions.
Yes.
Yeah.
And in some of it is kind of funny, I enjoy it because sometimes I hear the things I've
said to my children coming out of their mouths, wrapping it to me.
Absolutely.
And then I have to contemplate, is that a good lesson?
Was it a little bad lesson?
I mean, just something I think.
Are there being retards, their retribution?
Yes.
And they're saying that to me.
There wasn't that's when I laughed.
I know.
I really have to laugh.
There's a little boy on Facebook or a TikTok or one of them, I can't tell the difference.
But and he's a little boy and he's telling someone, you worry about yourself.
Yeah.
It was so cute and I just could have t-shirts made with that.
So that's what I have to say to my adult children, especially my daughter, because she has taken
on the role of being my mom, but I have to often tell her you worry about yourself.
I love that.
I love that.
So that's what I think goes right into new attitude, which we talked about.
We had a whole session on an ask.
One day just talking about, you know, making sure that your attitude reflects who you are.
Make sure that your attitude about life is open and giving you the opportunity to learn
new things.
I think someone said to us today that when they wake up every morning, they say to themselves
today, it's going to be a good day.
Even as they tumble out a bit, they may be saying, I know it's going to happen.
But by saying it, there's some form of manifestation in it.
It's almost like a chant or mantra.
It's something that you are willing to happen.
So whether you believe in a God that you can name or a spirituality that you claim, there
is a greater power than you, whether it's science or whether it's whatever it is.
And by saying that today is going to be a good day, I think we'll bring in the forces
of that together in a way to manifest some form of happiness for ourselves that we
intend to claim.
Yes.
And she said, even she notices even the smallest of things and she's happy and she's grateful.
So a lot of things manifest all day long for her.
She said, but starting with the smallest to larger things and gives her a good day.
And it makes you recognize when you say, you know, today is going to be a good day.
It's just like saying, I want to do that.
I'm going to meet someone and everybody you look at, you're kind of like, I see the
one, is she the one, are they the ones, you know, they're going to meet someone.
And then sometimes you have to go back and define maybe what you're looking for.
But still, you open your mind and you seek.
Well, remember Pat, Carter that we talked to, I think that was season one.
And she talked about how every day she prayed for that man.
And the man that she asked God for came in the form of Ralph Carter.
Yeah.
And they are having a ball a little different than she thought.
Right.
Well, yes, single about yes, about God since a few were, when was that one joke that you
told us today?
Which was how to joke?
It was the truth.
It really happened to me.
I was years ago, probably about 25 years ago.
I was overwhelmed.
I was still working.
I was helping my daughter plan a wedding.
I was just overwhelmed.
And I thought I'd need a break and I prayed every day.
God, I need a break.
I need a break.
Please give me a break.
And we were in Michigan looking for dresses for the wedding.
My mother and I, when I fell down the stairs and you're going, Tony, you fall down a lot.
And I'm like, unfortunately, that's true.
But I did break my ankle.
And then I thought, well, that's not very funny, God, because you know that's not what
I meant.
But it gave me a break, a little time off work, a little time to relax.
The break wasn't quite in the right place where you wanted it.
It wasn't really what I wanted.
And I thought, okay, God, that is not funny at all.
That's also really showing me that you have a sense of humor.
I don't know if that was the sense of you were not.
It was just a bad break.
It was a break.
It was a break.
That's hilarious.
All people always say, be careful what you ask for.
Yeah, especially if you're not prepared to get it.
Yes.
Yeah.
So, you know, we've gone through this season.
We really appreciate you as our guests.
And we appreciate you having, you know, all of you tune in all the time.
And some other things that we want to look forward to for next season.
We have someone that we've lined up already.
Yes.
We've talked to us a lot about, you know, getting your house prepared for that day when
you may not be able to leave it.
Yes.
When you, you know, when you're kind of maybe incapacitated a little bit, not able as you
once were, or maybe it's not you, it's someone that you share the home with.
Right.
It could be a parent that you're looking out for or on to you or someone.
That's a senior that needs to have their house updated so that it's accessible for them.
Exactly.
Right.
Yeah.
And accessible in a way that they can stay in their home.
Yes.
Yes.
That's really important.
Hopefully you'll talk to us a little bit about his journey, too.
Yes.
It's quite interesting.
And so that's something exciting coming up.
And we have a, she's not a grief counselor.
What would we call Lonnie because we're going to bring her back?
Well, she's a group leader for group leader.
Yes.
That's in, yes.
Yes.
Talk about how she got into that world.
Yes.
Because she actually was doing it before she went through her own.
Yes.
Drama.
And she wound up having to, you know, to use the tools that she was teaching and sharing
with others in her own life.
Yes.
And has continued to help others.
She continues it.
Yes.
She's been now beyond that.
Yes.
And then we have Juan.
We have a Nella who is someone who was, you know, the second marriage for her.
I think second marriage for her husband.
They brought together a sort of an intact family and put together a new family.
Together for years, love each other.
The challenge is at the best of all lives.
And then she lost her husband.
And I think she said it was for 22 weeks.
She could knock it out to sofa.
So she's got a very interesting story of resilience, survival and being able to put your shoes
back on your dancing shoes.
Yes.
Does she start in backup?
Started a foundation for helping kids and giving away money and grants and they raised
tons of money.
Yes.
Received awards already.
And she put her dancing shoes back on.
She's like you said.
Yeah.
The new season three, which will be coming out in the fall, but don't forget during summer,
we're going to have some surprises.
Surprise.
It's a real hot summer.
Well, we got to talk about our trip for Juan.
Yes.
And then we'll get one or two of the girls to come and talk about.
Oh, I think we should get them.
They're a hoot.
We'll get the old perspective and the new perspective.
What I thought was fun.
And what they probably thought looking at us laughing at us was fun.
We take that off.
They did.
They're always so loving and so concerned about us.
And exclusive.
Yes.
Absolutely.
And they really do take good care of us.
They care them too.
I think.
Yeah, we do.
We love them.
Yeah, we keep them laughing and laughing.
If nothing else.
But that was interesting.
I had never been to the panhandle before.
No.
No.
You considered that the panhandle isn't the panhandle?
Yeah.
It is.
Okay.
I never thought of it that way.
Yeah.
It's right.
To Alabama.
Alabama.
Yeah.
I never have been.
I'd never been.
Just a golf size.
It's only been south of Florida.
Yes.
Yes.
It was interesting.
Not as tropical to me as the south, but it was interesting.
It was very nice.
Everyone was very.
I thought everyone that we met, we met a lot of people.
Everyone was very nice.
They were.
They were a close.
Very nice.
Very friendly.
I wanted to take in our picture and all because you know, it's such a fool.
Yeah.
Well, no.
We were just acting like two dancing women.
We wanted their crew.
Well, I think they really walk out of it.
So now you're done.
Too many things.
You must have changed tables in one place three times because it was cold.
It was on the water and we were freezing and they couldn't.
They couldn't heat us up.
So yeah.
How have the nerves pulled?
Yes.
The nerves called in Florida.
I know about that.
Well, you know, one of the ones that I thought we should talk about a minute before we
sign off is flying away.
Yes.
You know, we did that episode on flying away where we said that flying away does not always
being on the airplane.
It can just mean trying something new.
I want to end with that one because we need to talk about that some more.
We want to talk about it from the listeners perspective.
When have you taken the opportunity to just fly away on your own in your brain, in your
imagination, or try something new that has brought a new kind of joy to you?
Because joy is not always the way it has been in the past.
Our joy is different now.
There's so many ways.
Some of it is because we can't do the same things that we used to do in the same way.
Instead of being a dancer, sometimes we enjoy the dancers.
Yeah.
To run into race on the track.
Yes.
As we enjoy watching the race.
But we still can do something.
And that, for me, is really challenging.
I am clinging out my closets this past month.
I gave, I donated all of my high heel shoes.
And I felt some kind of way about it.
I knew that though I would never put those shoes back on my feet and not for more than
10 minutes.
I've been for one minute.
And I thought, why would you keep these shoes?
They were all beautiful and good condition.
And why would you keep these when some lady could be twirling around and showing off in
these high heels shoes?
They could bind to who you used to be.
Yeah.
And that's kind of a close the door moment where you go, I have the cutest flats and athletic
shoes now.
And that's what I centered on buying.
And I just, it took a minute to close that door and realize that that Tony does not exist
right now.
Especially when your daughter is going through and I'm going, oh, my goodness, she found
a real couple of really cute ones that I thought that were really nice.
And they were favorites of mine.
But we still own a pair of high heels swayed and kind of lace front shoes from the 1930s,
maybe or 1940s.
They were my grandmother.
And that pair travels with us all the time.
It is a pair that will pass down and keep all the time.
They will grandma for us.
Maybe yours.
Yeah.
They were of course dancing shoes.
And so way before I ever knew her, but we have those shoes, so they're special to us.
Yeah.
I think we wanted to, an episode two on something maybe called Come and Get These Memories.
Because I've been cleaning out some of my own clothes as well.
And one of the things I realized is that when you lose someone, you know, it's easy to open
up a door to a closet and go in and clean it out.
And you feel like, you know, I've got a bit of a lot of the things and the hurt things
or whatever.
But when you start cleaning out your house, you realize their things were not limited to
the closet.
Absolutely.
That this is our house and everything in here, every place that every bookshelf, I'm like,
why are these books here?
Are these best of all books or whatever?
He was the best of our clothes.
Then I'm like, well, he must be in here.
That's not the time.
That's not the time.
That's not the time.
He's not the time.
He says that's not about him in here.
He's sure enough there were two pages about him.
And then there's the dilemma.
Like, do I just remember this or take a picture or do I, you know, it gets far.
So what did you do?
I got a book.
Okay.
So that's me too.
Well, for now, that's me too.
I feel like keeping it.
We have one time in new bookshelves made.
So right now they're just in a stack of books I plan to keep.
But I may have to revisit that because I don't want to have another junky bookshelf
like I did before.
I wanted to look nice and I want to look curated.
My granddaughter is always, get rid of it, Graham.
I told her, finally, that's your job.
That'll be your job because right now I'm going to keep the things that comfort me and
that I can look at and touch and rub on.
And I'm just going to keep them.
So if she said, you're not going to have space in your new place, I said, well, then there'll
be around me in the middle of the floor because I'm a place.
It's my place and these are my things.
And so I want them.
So we do do we come and get these memories to toss them out.
We redo them.
We, you know, that'll be something that we will talk about this fall.
We can talk about coming at these memories and I'm going to have to find the song that
says, don't touch my memories.
I get the memories.
Well, stay tuned listeners and looking for the summer fun episodes.
Yes, please pop in.
And if you haven't listened to all of our episodes this week.
Very good.
Please take a chance to review them.
If you had some favorite ones, please take a chance to, you know, help us align or tell
us something that you'd like to hear.
Tell us if you want to talk to us.
Yes, absolutely.
So go to Transistor or Apple or Amazon and catch up on season one and season two.
And so you're ready to pop up with us in the summer and ready for season three in the
fall.
And don't forget to pop in.
Yes.
So as you can hear what we're doing over the summer and you'll hear when we drop our new
journal.
Absolutely.
We're all excited about it.
We want you to be excited.
We want you to do more than be excited.
We want you to purchase it.
Absolutely.
We will tell you all the stories that we'll be carrying it.
Yes.
And by one for all your family and friends, you can even send them.
Yes.
Yes.
All right.
Until next time, are you putting on your dancing shoes now?
I am putting on my dancing shoes right now.
Can you bend over?
Ah, readers, you might be without a, you might be one dancing widow.
She keeps with those remarks.
Ah.
I have loved this season Tony.
Me too.
Me too.
See you next time.
Until next time.
In the twilight glow, where memories blend, two souls reminisce on life's winding
men.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll after entails from a time so bold they share the stories yet untold.
Two dancing widows in a dance of life's embrace, finding rhythm after 70 in time and space.
With every step a new story unfolds in that journey, the beauty of aging is told.
Two dancing widows in a dance of life's embrace, finding rhythm after all.
Until next time, in space, with every step a new story unfolds in that journey, the
beauty of life is told is told.