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You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest into the lives of others. Find out more at youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You Can Mentor. Yo.
Speaker 1:Yo. Yo. Can you believe that fall is almost here? And with the new season comes new offerings from Youth Mentor. Hey.
Speaker 1:Go to our website, youthmentor.com, and check out what we have planned for the fall. We've got two big events. Number one, we've got one days, which is one day conferences coming to your state, hopefully. In the near future, we've got one days planned for Texas, Oklahoma, and South Carolina this fall. Go to our website or our social medias to check it out.
Speaker 1:The second thing is for everybody. This is an online sprint. It's a four to six week cohort where you get in-depth kind of training on mentoring. You get to meet other mentoring leaders. We've got one on mentoring one zero one, and we've got one on leading yourself and empowering others.
Speaker 1:Check out our new and improved website or find out more on social media. Remember, you can mentor, get connected, sign up today. We'd love to have you join. So share it with your staff, your volunteers, your mentoring friends because it's always better when you do mentoring together. Go check it out.
Speaker 1:And remember, you can mentor. Welcome to the You Can Mentor Podcast. This is your friend, Zach. And I'm a Derrick. We're we're talking about nineties hoops, and we shouldn't be.
Speaker 1:We should be talking about Mentoring. We should. You know?
Speaker 2:I don't.
Speaker 1:When it hits, it hits.
Speaker 2:So Well, you gotta give him the backstory. We're so Zachary is go ahead. Go ahead.
Speaker 1:So we're having all sorts of problems this morning with our podcast. We've tried, like, five five things, and we we're probably two minutes into a podcast. We had to shut it down. Now we're restarting. And Derrick was in this middle of the story, and the question was what, Derrick?
Speaker 2:Question is is when you when you count down as a basketball player, like, everybody thinks about hitting the game winning shot. And so when you count down, you know, there's this five, four, three when you shoot the ball at the end of the clock, whose name do you say? And I said, this is one of my standard questions that I ask my my mentoring kids that play basketball, and they all say, Kobe. And I'm like, Zach, who do you say? He said, Kobe.
Speaker 2:And I'm like, where did they come from?
Speaker 1:But but I don't say Kobe. I say, I say 54321.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:That's right. Like, that's the buzzer sound, but all the kids say Kobe. And I know that. Everyone knows that.
Speaker 2:Everybody knows that. But why though?
Speaker 1:I don't know. Like, why can't they just say, like, 54321, John Sally. You know?
Speaker 2:Robert Horry. That's who they should be saying, actually. Like
Speaker 1:That is what they should be saying. He's good. Alright. Well, people didn't come to hear about John Sallie and BJ Armstrong. They come to hear about mentoring.
Speaker 2:They did. I hope so. I hope they did.
Speaker 1:Alright. So, Derrick, what are we guess I'm sorry. We we are we are ridiculous. I don't even know what's wrong with us.
Speaker 2:Well, let's lock in. Okay. We're here. Let's lock in. Alright.
Speaker 2:I'm back. I'm back.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay. Today, we're talking talking about mentoring. This is a You Can Mentor Podcast. That's Yes. What we do.
Speaker 1:Yep. And today's topic well, before we get into it, Derrick, how are you doing?
Speaker 2:I'm doing great. Thanks, man. I appreciate it. I'm actually at a community center right now here in Oklahoma City. We are on day 10 of a job readiness cohort.
Speaker 2:We have taken ten 18 to 25 year olds, and we've taken them through ten days of content. We've had off-site visits. We've had guest speakers. We're talking about lived experience transferring to work experience. And so we're talking with young people about employment and careers and work history and job readiness and resumes and all this cool stuff.
Speaker 2:So we're having a mentor and podcast as I'm as I'm actually a mentor.
Speaker 1:That's like a mentoring sandwich.
Speaker 2:I know. Like, but what's in the middle? A podcast.
Speaker 1:Yeah. But what's in the middle? A podcast.
Speaker 2:That's it.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. Okay. So what are we talking about today?
Speaker 2:Yes. So I've been in the middle of having some very hard conversations lately. I have a mentee who just had his fourth kid with his third baby mama, and I've had another mentee who's quit a job. I have another mentee that is like, I'm not gonna do it. You can't tell me.
Speaker 2:And, you know, I've had some had to have some really hard conversations. But I think what has allowed me and this is kinda where we'll start today. What has allowed me to be able to have these really hard conversations are kinda these deposits that I've made over time. Right? It's like I've been able to create this environment that is layered, that is insulated with trust and safety that has given me access to have these conversations in love where I hold their feet to the fire, I hold them accountable, I'm able to, based on my perspective, tell them what they're doing right or wrong or you know?
Speaker 2:And I think as as a mentor, we always wanna be, you know, the optimist and, you know, this pathway towards redemption and encouraging all those different things. But sometimes those things look differently, and sometimes it looks like it comes through correction in hard conversations. And so that that's kind of where I've been today. I wanna talk about that today of, you know, creating a safe space where we have access to have those hard conversations.
Speaker 1:Well, excuse me. One of my favorite things about mentoring Derrick is just this fact that when you mentor, specifically kids from hard places, it just makes you a better human being. And for me personally, I am a better husband. I'm a better friend. I'm a better follower of Jesus.
Speaker 1:I'm more patient. I'm more gentle. I'm more fill in the blank because I spent so much time. For me, it was as a teacher. I mean, I taught eighth grade for almost a decade.
Speaker 1:And I mean, man, that those were hard days, but they taught me about how to mentor, how to build relationships. And so what you're talking about today to everyone who's paying attention to our podcast, this doesn't just help in mentoring. But if you're overseeing a mentoring organization, this same thing applies with your staff and with your volunteers.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Absolutely.
Speaker 1:If you're a parent, the same thing applies to you as a parent. If you're a spouse, the same thing applies in your marriage. If you're a friend, the same thing applies to your friendships. And so just I was having a conversation this morning and someone asked me, what is mentoring? And I was, well, you know, for us, it's just building relationships.
Speaker 1:And this concept of these deposits of trust, this earning the right to be heard, this creating a safe environment so that when those hard conversations do happen, they know it's coming from a good place and that you ultimately are doing this out of love, not because you're trying to hurt them.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it makes me think of well, one, it makes me think of Jesus, which you can talk about that later. But it makes me think about my kids. So for those of you guys who don't know me, I am a large man. I'm, like, six eight. I was on the scale this morning.
Speaker 1:I'm I'm, you know, almost three hundred pounds. It's terrible. I I know. Don't worry. I signed up for Orange Theory this week.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna I'm gonna lose that weight. Just the love handles are becoming too much. I'm a big guy. I'm intense. You know?
Speaker 1:Like, I I, like, get this stare. I always look like I'm super serious. I can come across very stern and, like, surprise surprise, it, like, scares my kids. Like, my kids are, you know whenever they were younger, they were kinda terrified of me. Not in, a bad way.
Speaker 1:You guys know what I'm saying. I'm a good dad,
Speaker 2:I swear. I gotcha.
Speaker 1:But, like and so, like, anytime I would get on to my sons and also my daughter as well, but especially when they were, like, four or five.
Speaker 2:Like Mhmm.
Speaker 1:I would be like, hey, Zach. You need to pick up your room. And he would start crying and be like, dad, you're yelling at me. And I'm like, son, I am not I am not yelling at you. Like, trust me.
Speaker 1:You'll know if I'm yelling at you. You know what I mean? Yeah. But and just like any time I corrected them, it was like, oh, man. There there's tears and they were so sensitive.
Speaker 1:They're so hurt. Well, now my son is about to be 11. You know, I've got one here. Wow. He's about to be 10.
Speaker 1:And what I found is I'm having these conversations with them. And, you know, they're doing certain things that I'm trying to correct. And I'm coming on pretty strong. Like, I'm I'm short. I'm direct.
Speaker 1:Like, son, you need to stop doing that, you need this, and you need to blah blah blah blah. And what I found over the last year is instead of crying, my son's now like, okay, dad.
Speaker 2:And I love that.
Speaker 1:There's been a couple times whenever I'm like, hey, man. Did I come on too strong? Like, I'm sorry if it felt like I was too harsh. I I was in a hurry and I didn't. And he's like, no, dad.
Speaker 1:It's fine because I know that you love me. And I'm like, woah. Wait. What? Like and so
Speaker 2:That sound good.
Speaker 1:I say all of that to say that, like, early on in our relationship, whenever I'm trying to correct them, they they couldn't handle what I had to say because they ultimately didn't really know if I was for them or if they were getting in trouble or this or this or But as time has grown, as trust has grown, as we've spent more, like, time together, then they're able to handle these hard conversations. Yeah. And, you know, it's it's the same in my marriage. Like, me and my wife can have conversations now that there's no way that we coulda had in our first couple years of marriage. And and, man, I just think that I think that that also works in Mentoring.
Speaker 1:Like, you have to lay the foundation of trust. You have to create a safe environment. Yeah. They have to know that you love them, that you're for them, not against them, that you're on their team, that you want them to succeed. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then and only then will they listen to what you have to say. So it's a big deal, man.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. And I know we always wanna use Jesus as the model. Right? It's like, when in doubt, what did Jesus do? And I just think about how he was very firm with the disciples.
Speaker 2:He was very firm with people. You know? I just I can I can, you know, rattle off five, six, seven things where Jesus was just like you know, he was just like, no? Let the kids through. In fact, in order to get into the kingdom of heaven, you gotta be like them.
Speaker 2:You know, it was like, oh, of little faith. You know, Peter cut off somebody's ear. He's like, Peter, calm down, bro. Pick the ear back up, put it back on. Peter's like, Jesus, I love you.
Speaker 2:Like, you're gonna deny me. Like, you know, Jesus just had these very these firm conversations, like like, Peter, are you gonna feed my sheep? Yeah. Like, nope. Are you gonna feed my sheep, bro?
Speaker 2:You know? It's like he just had these very but but I think he was he was able to do that and and be effective in that process because of all the investments that he made up front. You think about these long nights where they are on the boat and they're navigating this conflict and they're being chased out of the city and, you know, it's like all these things that are happening where they had the opportunity to bond and learn, and they got to see the core of who he was, and he really does love us, he really does care about me. And so when those moments came where he had to be firm and quick and short, Jesus, he earned the right to be heard in that way. That's something that you said earlier that I just wrote down.
Speaker 2:Those deposits over time, they allow you to be heard when you have to be short and quick and stern and firm to so that I can let you know the seriousness of this moment. Yes. We're still cool. Yes. We're still friends.
Speaker 2:Yes. I'm still your mentor. Yes. We're still married. Yes.
Speaker 2:I'm still your parent. Yes. I'm still like, yes. Those things are still intact. But in this moment in this moment, I'm required to put on a different hat and take a different tone because of the seriousness of it.
Speaker 2:And my hope is that I've invested enough in our relationship to where we can still be good, better, best, still solid, tight on the back end of this hard conversation.
Speaker 1:And, like, this applies to all sorts of things. You know? Like, for me, if I'm overseeing a Mentoring organization, like, this exact same thing applies to my board. This exact same thing applies to my staff. Like
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:You know, how how you enter into the office in the mornings. Like, you are either making a relation deposit or you're not. You know, if you take the time and before meeting, like, hey. I remember that you went and saw this show last night. How'd it go?
Speaker 1:Like, that's a relational deposit. Yeah. And then when you have a hard conversation, depending on how it goes, like, sometimes that'll cost you 25 relational deposits. Mhmm. So you better make sure that your bank account's filled up.
Speaker 1:And so, man, early on, I was so against, like, team building and, like, games and, like, having fun. Like, guys, we got work to do. Like Yeah. I'm here to mentor kids. I'm here to meet my goals and da da da.
Speaker 1:And what I found was, one, people didn't really like me very much. But two, it's like, man, those things that you might think, whether it's with your mentee or with your staff or with your volunteers or even with your spouse and kids, like Mhmm. Having fun and laughing and creating those kinds of environments, that's like depositing a thousand dollars into your relational kind of bank account. And those things set the foundation. Those things set the way for the hard conversation that is going to happen.
Speaker 1:I mean, it's only a matter of time because the people that you live life with the most are the people that you get into arguments with the most or the people that you hurt the most or the people, you know and so it is absolutely vital that you create this environment. It's all about the environment. This environment of fun, this environment of safety, this environment of laughter, of worth, of value. And that environment kinda like what you said, that creates the opportunity, the chance to have the real conversations. Right?
Speaker 1:So
Speaker 2:Yeah. And you think about, like, even if we go back to this this example in Jesus, you think about how there's a difference between correcting somebody and then tearing somebody down. Right? It's like if you just come in and it's like, suck, you suck, you're wrong, you you know, that's different than saying, hey. This is where we disagree, and this is how we move on, this how we get better.
Speaker 2:You think about every conflict or confrontation that Jesus had, any any any dissonance with his disciples, there was always, let me state what happened, and then this is how we we get better. It was like, Peter, you come out on the water, you fail, oh, you little face, like, if only you would have. You know, it's like, there's this always this redemptive path when true correction takes place, when this true conflict takes place. Now if as a boss, employer, supervisor, manager, I'm I'm coming in, I'm just telling people what they've done wrong. Those deposits, you're not replenishing anything.
Speaker 2:You're not there's no redemptive way to come back. You're just taking away, tearing down, which leaves people to have to do the work on their own in your absence. I was thinking as you were talking, they talk about the the positive versus the negative, like, compliments or feedback. It's like, you need 10 positives or 10 compliments to combat every single negative one or something like that. And so if I know that's the type of environment that I'm gonna have where correction does take place, if you're here long enough, if we remain friends long enough, if we remain married long enough, if I go to this church long enough, if I live in this community long enough, then conflict is inevitable.
Speaker 2:With the conflict in mind, allow me to deposit intentionally so that when it's time to withdraw, when it's time to have something that's uncomfortable, then I've already done the work on the front end. This is why team building is important. This is why weekly check ins are important. This is why affirmations is important. This is why ninety and sixty day reviews are important.
Speaker 2:This is why, you know, this let me give you five positives. One one what is it? One glow, one grow. You know, like, they do all these different things because I need you to know that I value and I appreciate you, but inevitably, there's gonna be some conflict. So I gotta make sure I'm not just tearing down, but I'm also building back up, And I'm also investing on the front end heavy, intentionally, on purpose in preparation for when conflict takes place.
Speaker 1:And, like, you can't control how they're gonna respond. You know? Like, I've I've had mentees that I've had hard conversations with, and they've responded amazingly. You know, I've had some who have never talked to me again. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:Because, you know, I mean, it's just like, man. And it's, you know, it's the same thing in any relationship, but you can control some things. You you can control yourself. Mhmm. And you can control your energy.
Speaker 1:You can control how you're coming in. You can control your tone. You can control your pace. Yeah. And there's this book by this guy named Edward Friedman.
Speaker 1:It's called the failure of nerve. Derrick, have you ever heard of this?
Speaker 2:It's called the failure of nerve.
Speaker 1:Of nerve. Of nerve. Oh, man. It's a it's this, like, cult kinda classic book. And if someone's like, oh, yeah.
Speaker 1:I've definitely read it, then I'm like, oh, wow. We have a lot to talk about. But this guy, doctor Friedman, he was actually a he was a Jewish rabbi.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 1:And he was real big into the family systems theory. I think he was a counselor as well, and then he did consulting for the national government. Yeah. I mean, just as like and his whole thing is like, if you're a leader, which if you're a mentor, you're a leader. If you're a spouse, if you're a parent, you know, it's it's like and his whole thing is leadership is having the hard conversations well.
Speaker 1:And he will even say, like, hey. Look. You're not gonna get it right. Like, I think it's something crazy, like, 50% of the time. And so but the other 50%, his whole thing is don't have a failure of nerve.
Speaker 1:Say the thing that needs to be said. And, like, basically, like, do you have the courage to say the right thing? Do you have the courage to do the right thing? Do you have the courage to not back down? Do you have the courage to go against the grain?
Speaker 1:And it really is this this, like, how can we stand firm and secure Yeah. In what what the Lord's asking us to do in doing the right thing of being a person of integrity in the right way. You know? It's like I have found as I've grown as a leader, saying the right thing is only half of it. It's it's it's saying the right thing at the right time in the right place Mhmm.
Speaker 1:In, you know, in the right way. Yeah. And all of all of those things matter. You know? Like, I've I've told my wife exactly what she needs to hear at the worst time possible, and it has gone terribly.
Speaker 1:You know? Horrible. She's over here. She's, like, trying to cook dinner, and, like, the kids are barking at her. And I'm like, hey.
Speaker 1:By the way. And she's like, what what? And I'm like, oh gosh. I'm an idiot. Yeah.
Speaker 1:But Yeah. It it's the same thing with our mentees. It's it's like if he comes in the car and you can tell he's had a hard day and he's holding a math test that says 18 on it, and you're like, hey. I wanted to talk to you about how I've been noticing, noticing, how you've been, you know, since good luck, bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But this whole thing about having the failure of nervous, like, what can you control? Yeah. And it's so important for us. Like, me, like, I came in last night. I came I I came home and I was in a bad mood.
Speaker 1:And I was barking at my kids and I, you know, I was I was I was short with my wife. And you know why, Derrick? It's because I'm hungry. Like, I didn't eat lunch, and I I can't I was starving, and I was just a jerk. But, like, these are these are all things that we need to take into consideration is how are we coming into this conversation.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Is our nonverbal is it building trust? Is it safe? Yeah. Like, am I agitated?
Speaker 1:Am I hungry? Am I tired? Are they you know, like, all all these things. And, man, just like mentoring is so much about being led by the holy spirit and Yeah. Listening to this that still small voice and being wise and being discerning and just asking the question, is this the right time?
Speaker 1:Is this the right place? Are they in a good place? Am I in a good place? And only then can you hope to have a great conversation if those things are in place? So
Speaker 2:Yeah. And you you said a couple of things I wanna touch on too. One, think it's just the awareness piece. Being self aware, being other aware, being situationally aware, I think can leverage our odds for successful conversation. Right?
Speaker 2:If we're able to just kind of check our heart, our intent, why I'm trying to have this conversation, why is do I believe this is out of character or inappropriate or does not align with who they wanna be or what we're trying to do? Like, once I go through that process before just jumping in, am I also aware that they've been trying to do better? Or maybe was it intentional on their end or was it an accident? Or maybe I need more clarification before I jump in and go towards correction. Like, being aware, I think, also sets us up for success.
Speaker 2:The other thing you said, talking about this fear, this failure of nerve, I think of how incomplete our relationships could be if we never had conflict. Right? It's like if I didn't tell you the thing in an attempt to avoid conflict, hoping that it worked out on its own or that you would become aware of it and, you know, self adjust, course correct, whatever it is, like, I don't, like, I don't even maximize the opportunity to build a better relationship. I'm not getting everything out of this that I could possibly get if I avoid conflict. I I was talking to a friend, and this is really simple, but I think it can go a long way.
Speaker 2:Was talking to a friend, and he had something in his in his teeth and, you know, just talking, just big talk, talk, talk, talk. And he's been talking to people who walk around the room and he gets to me and I he's in mid sentence and, you know, I'm trying to let him get through, but I'm like, hey, you got some of your teeth right there? And he's like, really? And I'm like, yeah, yeah. You know, he does the, you know, the whole thing, rinses it out, gets it out.
Speaker 2:He's like, I wonder how many people I've talked to who saw it and didn't say anything. Anything. And I'm like, oh, man. I got you. I'm not gonna let you walk around, you know, looking foolish, you know, with something in your teeth.
Speaker 2:Like, I got you. It's examples like that where I'm like, how many people let me behave a certain way, speak a certain way, show up dressed a certain way, you know, and didn't say anything? And I think when we we avoid it because we don't want conflict and we don't want to hurt people's feelings and we don't want it to be awkward, but I think those could be opportunities to improve the relationship. Like, I I I love you through encouragement, but I also wanna love you through correction. Like, I I love you through the excitement, but I also wanna be there when you're sad and disappointed.
Speaker 2:Like, I love you when we celebrate, like but I also wanna and when we're able to add those components to a relationship, I think it just gets better. It it gets richer.
Speaker 1:Man, I think that think that there's so much to that. I mean, the thing that comes to mind as I hear you speak, Derrick, is just this concept of being a shepherd. Mhmm. And just, like, being being able to lead and guide and know when to use force and know you know when to use patience and grace.
Speaker 2:And Mhmm.
Speaker 1:I mean, for so many of our kids, if we don't tell them, who will? And they might be 30 years old and not know that it's not okay to do fill in the blank. Or I mean, if no one teaches them, then how are they gonna learn? And I think we you know, I and I mean, please, you guys know me if you've listened to any of these podcasts, but, like, I'm all about being positive. I'm all about encouragement.
Speaker 1:You know? One of my goals in life is to be the most encouraging person that you meet. But, like, we still have to have the hard conversations. And Absolutely. We still have to have the conflict because that is love.
Speaker 1:Like, whenever whenever Jesus saw something that was keeping you from living life to the fullest, he addressed that. Yeah. And I think that we should do the same in wisdom and in discernment.
Speaker 2:So Yeah. Yeah. And and, again, you know, we're using this as an example. You look at, like, you look at his the way that he like, his timing and the words that he used, and you we we got a whole range. We got a we got somebody who flipped tables and somebody who played with kids.
Speaker 2:You know I'm saying? Like, it's like you get the whole range of how dynamic he was as human, a as a person, as a friend, as a mentor, as a son, you know, all these different things. And so I don't know that we always have to be, you know, this this one version of ourselves because I think we're multifaceted as well. So I like the idea of Zachary Garza being the most encouraging person as in the world that anybody ever meets, but that encouragement can also come through correction. Like, I'm still encouraging.
Speaker 2:That's the the core of who I am. That's who I wanna be, but it manifests in different ways depending on the situation and the person and the timing of those different things. And so I like the that idea of of you being encouraging, but also correcting through the same vein. That's really cool. I never thought of it that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And, I mean, like, you know, on the podcast, we we've talked about calling up, not call out. You know? Yeah. You know, calling them up to how god sees them, calling them up to the potential that you see them.
Speaker 1:And, Derrick, this will be kinda the last thing that I say, but it might be the most important as I talk about how I'm entering into these conversations, whether it's with the staff or whether it's with the mentee. Mhmm. Fear if fear is my driver, if fear is my foundation, it's just not gonna go well. If I'm getting my identity from how this person performs or acts, it's probably not gonna go well because I'm over here freaking out. Okay.
Speaker 1:If you, you know, continue to make this bad choice, then, man, it's gonna make me look really bad as a mentor. And if I look bad, you know, then Yeah. And so, you know, there is so much to be said about being so secure and so stable knowing that the Lord loves this this person more than you do. Mhmm. He has a plan for their life.
Speaker 1:Mhmm. You are a part of that plan, but you're not responsible for saving them.
Speaker 2:Nope. At all.
Speaker 1:Your identity does not come from anything else other than who God says that you are. And just replacing this fear of, like, what if? What if they don't change? What if they do this again? What if they make me look bad?
Speaker 1:What if they, you know, replacing it with this okay. Look. God is asking me to correct this. God is asking me to have this conversation. God is asking me to say these things.
Speaker 1:Everything else is up to him. That's faith. You know? That's faith. God, I don't know how it's gonna turn out if they don't stop, but that's not up to me.
Speaker 1:That's that's between you and him or that's between you and her. And so how how can I not take it personally? How can I not be offended? How can I just be like, hey? Look, man.
Speaker 1:I'm just gonna tell it to you straight. If you don't stop doing this, there's no way that you're gonna become the person that I know God has for you. I know that you wanna do this, and I know that you wanna do that. And, man, I'm just telling you that if you keep on this track, it's not gonna happen for you. Tell me how I can help.
Speaker 1:Tell me what you think of whenever I say that. That's a lot different than like, man, you better stop because if you don't, then you're gonna go to jail. And if you and then or you're gonna fail out. If you fail out, then you're gonna become just like your you know, just Yeah. Oof.
Speaker 1:Like, and just like, I have found that whenever I get hyped up, it it does it never helps. It I like there hasn't been one conversation in my life that has been confrontational where I'm like, you know what would have made that better? Me getting amped up. Me yelling. Man.
Speaker 1:Me getting I think if I would have yelled at yeah. I I think if I would have cut them off and interrupted and just spoke louder and not listened, yeah, that really would've helped things.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Zachary, I'm gonna give you the last word, but I do wanna say this. You know, I just wanna encourage all our people out there trying to be better humans, trying to be better mentors, better leaders.
Speaker 2:You know? Like, I just wanna encourage people to lean into those those seemingly difficult, hard conversations. Even when you started out, it was just an example. In your example, when you said, hey, listen, man. Like, my stomach dropped.
Speaker 2:Like, that those are like those are that's a a squeaky door into a conversation into a a scary conversation. You ever look at those movies, those scary movies, and it's like like the door opens? That's what to me would be, hey, listen, man. Because I've I've been on the receiving end of those, I've also been on the giving end of those. And so I just want to encourage leaders, mentors to push past that initial heart conversation.
Speaker 2:Because on the other side of that that initial discomfort, it it's gone several different ways. One, you know, ended up well and it was received. The other, you know, I was called a hater and closed minded. I don't know. There's not too often that I get on the other side of that discomfort, and I'm glad that you know, I'm not glad that I didn't go through it.
Speaker 2:Like, I'm glad that I did it. And so I just wanna encourage everybody out there trying to encourage and love in different ways to go ahead and push past that initial discomfort. I think it's it's more good. It's better on the other side than not.
Speaker 1:Man, as I heard you say that, one of my favorite things to do, like, my kids know whenever I'm like, hey, Zachary. And then he's like, oh, did I do something wrong? Mhmm. You know? Yep.
Speaker 1:And I'm sure I've done that with a bunch of people. Oh, when he says my name like that, I'm in trouble. Yeah. One of my favorite things to do is to know that voice that I have.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 1:And use it not just when I correct, but be like, hey, Zachary. He's like, yes. And I'm like, I just want you to know that you're the best son that I could ask for. Man. That's so nice.
Speaker 1:So if you have that voice, if you have that tone or that, like, hey, buddy. Well, every time he says, hey, buddy. I'm in trouble. You know? Like, know that and then use it in in a variety of ways.
Speaker 1:Most encouraging. And then, man, the fruit of the spirit. I have thought about the fruit of the spirit a lot, you know. And I love executing in goals and strategic plans and vision and, you know, hey. Here here here's our action plan to get you to fulfill your potential.
Speaker 1:But the fruit of the spirit is love. It is peace. It is joy. It is kindness. It is gentleness.
Speaker 1:It is self control. It is Yeah. The honest thing, you know, goodness, faithfulness. And I'm just like, man, you can kinda put all those things in hard conversations. Like, are are you coming in with peace?
Speaker 1:Has joy set the foundation?
Speaker 2:Oh, I like that.
Speaker 1:Know that do they know that you love? Are you being self controlled in your tone? Are you being patient and coming in not, like, accusing but asking a lot of questions? You know? Are you gentle in your demeanor?
Speaker 1:And just like, those are just things that we all could use more of, and that is the fruit of the spirit. You you're only able to grow that fruit when you're walking with the spirit. Those things that I mentioned, those don't come out of us as humans.
Speaker 2:That's dope.
Speaker 1:And so
Speaker 2:I got nothing else to say. I I don't even wanna touch anything after that. Mic drop.
Speaker 1:Well, have you've heard about the baby dab?
Speaker 2:None of it. How's that? We we we've gone from this to the baby dab?
Speaker 1:I mean, I love the baby dab. I just baby dabbed on that comment of everyone. Oh. I think I talked about that last podcast. Right?
Speaker 2:We talked about the dab. Yes. But not the baby dab.
Speaker 1:I'm I'm all in. I'm all in. Alright. Mentors, share share with your mentoring friends. Train up your staff and volunteers.
Speaker 1:Check out our new website. It's new. It's just released. We're getting heated on Instagram and LinkedIn and also their social media stuff, so go find us if you want Mentoring Gold.
Speaker 2:Let go.
Speaker 1:And know that know that we love you, we're here for you, and you can mentor. Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor Podcast. Our vision is to raise up and invest in mentoring leaders who will launch and grow thriving mentoring ministries. We do that by equipping and encouraging faith based leaders through relational connection, Christ centered resources, and collaborative gatherings. Check out our books, come to the National Christian Mentoring Gathering, and engage with our network and cohorts.
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