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The stories from the places where people gather.
Dana Kadwell (01:29)
Hello and welcome to gathered here today we're going to be talking about our conversation with Kate from a few weeks ago. If you haven't already given the listen, make sure you go back and check it out. Um, it's a really great episode. I love it's a little bit different. Kate isn't a venue owner, but she has been a part of a lot of venues. So she had a really great perspective being that kind of one layer removed from being an owner.
But today we're going be talking about, ⁓ when Kate was really talking about empathy. now this is her talking about her time as being a night manager, which was on the heels of really overcoming, a very traumatic event where she had a really hard time sleeping. And so she thought if I am not sleeping and could be doing something productive. So she got this job as an event manager, which eventually kind of was her foot in the door for the hospitality industry.
and, kind of started her on this journey, but it was what I loved about her story and that she talked about it was that because she had gone through this super traumatic thing, her perspective about every guest, every person that walked in that door, she just assumed needed empathy. And she made the comment that she's the night manager. So when things go wrong,
on her shift, things go wrong. Like typically you're not dealing with happy people at the nighttime. You're dealing with people that there's something wrong with their room. There's something wrong with whatever is happening, right? So she's dealing with a lot of problems and approaching those problems and people with empathy. And she made this comment that said, and the more I served them, the more it healed me. And I have goosebumps now even just thinking about it.
I just, I love that so much because I love the industry. I love hospitality. I say it all the time. It is like the heartbeat of my life is being hospitable. And my hope is that anytime anyone comes in contact with me or is around me, they feel welcome. They feel seen, they feel heard, they feel loved. ⁓ It is such a huge part of my life. And it really made me reflect on some moments in my life where I felt
a little bit broken, right? And I've had a great life. So there hasn't been a ton of moments in my life like that. But parts of my life where I, I dealt with my own trauma, And I was thinking back on it and I was thinking about thinking back, like, how did I, how did I get myself out of that? Like, how did I move forward? How did I move past it? And what were the small things that helped me, you know, get to the other side and
going back and really thinking about it, it's a very similar story. It's serving other people. It's being able to show up for others. I was really big into, when I was in high school, I ⁓ loved kids. I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to be high school teacher, but I still really loved children. And I really had a heart for middle schoolers. I do not know why. I cannot tell you why that is the case, but I did.
And my senior year of high school was a very traumatic year. There was a lot of things that happened. I think I don't know if I've talked about it on this podcast before, but my dad moved to Florida and he commuted back and forth every few weeks. He took my brother with him. My sister moved out. My mom was in the hospital basically from August until May. I lived by myself for most of it. And it was really hard. Like I'm not, I'm not meant to be a loner. That was not how I was created. It was stressful. All the things that you can imagine.
for my 17 year old, ⁓ you know, it was hard. And I had it in my mind. I don't know why, but I was like, you know what? I want to coach softball. I played softball competitively. ⁓ At that point, I did not know it, but I had pretty much peaked in my career and I was not really getting play time on the field. I knew it was the end. I wasn't going to be playing in college. I knew it was the end of, of that like sport.
And I was really sad about it. ⁓ I sad about it. I was sad that my senior year of playing, my parents really weren't around for it. I was sad that I didn't know how to do anything else. And so I thought, you know what, I'm going to be a coach. And so I reached out to the local rec league and I said, I want to coach 12U softball this next, this spring season. And I did.
For some reason they let me do it. I have no idea why. Sometimes I think back to it I'm like, what in the world? It's crazy. I talked to my boss at Dairy Queen and I said, well, you sponsor our team. And he did. So we were sponsored by Dairy Queen. And every time we won a game, we all went into the Dairy Queen and got free ice cream cones. ⁓ But it was the most fun I think I ever had in high school. And I loved it. And I had girls that were great. And I had girls that had never touched a softball before.
and teaching them and loving on them and laughing with them and just letting them be kids in the dugout and encouraging them and seeing them be successful. Like every single time I served those kids, a part of me healed. And it healed to the point where I realized one, I know I want to serve people. So I felt really confident going into the education space. I knew that I wanted to work with kids. I knew that I wanted to work with kids that
maybe needed more help than others. I felt more complete during that season than I had really at any other point in my life. And I haven't really thought about that in a long time. my parents used to talk about it be like, my God, isn't that so cool, Dana, this whatever. But I don't think that anyone realized how much I needed it, that it wasn't because I was trying to
you know, put a good thing down on a college application is because I needed it. Like I needed to serve somebody else. Like I needed to just to be in that space and to just use my brain in a different way and use my emotions in a different way. And I needed to feel wanted. I needed to feel seen and feel heard, all those things. And so,
I just loved one that she conjured up that memory for me. Like I hadn't thought about it in such a long time, but I loved her whole perspective on that because I think, and you, when you hear Kate talk about how much she loves the industry and hospitality, you can tell that that has been her kind of North star. Like it's been her purpose. It's the reason why she's in this space. It kind of keeps her ⁓ guided and on the right path.
when I think back to like my own personal journey of how I started in the industry, why we opened the venue, all those things, I think it's a little cloudy. ⁓ I can't be, I'm going to be truthful with you that the main reason why we opened the venue was for financial freedom. I was a teacher and I knew that that was not going to happen being a teacher. I didn't trust education system at that point. I was a little jaded with it. And so I, that was the why.
but it quickly changed after that first event and it quickly changed in that first time that you saved the day and you were able to provide this space for somebody in many different ways. I remember we had a funeral there one time and it was really hard, like being able to provide a welcoming space for people to grieve was beautiful. There has been, you know,
very hard moments where people are dealing with hard things, whether it's on their wedding day or in other ways. We, ⁓ last year did this great fundraiser for note in the pocket. And I remember like they asked us to say something and I couldn't even get through it. It was just so emotional realizing this dream that I had, you know, that I had with my sister to open this venue and
all the good that it has done for so many people. I feel like there is a part of me every time when I really think about it, it heals a part of my soul in a lot of ways. And I know that sounds so hokey and so crazy, but it is becomes more and more that North star for why I'm here, what my purpose is, what I'm supposed to be doing, what the reasoning is.
And I really struggled with this during COVID ⁓ because it's almost too empathetic. Like I could see both sides of things. Like on one hand, I had clients that were upset about their wedding being, you know, postponed and my heart broke for them. I was just totally broke for them. Like I just, the world was falling apart and you know,
their dream was falling apart with it. And then the other time I had a lot of struggle having some empathy for people because I was like, the world's falling apart. Like there are people dying all around us and I'm struggling and I'm trying to do the best thing and I'm trying to make the best decision. I'm, I'm trying to be human and also a business owner and all these things. And I felt like I could extend that empathy to so many other people, but I wasn't getting any empathy back. ⁓ cause I was just the evil business owner who was preventing them from having their wedding or whatever. When really it wasn't even my decision to do that, but.
At any rate, um, but I really loved how she said that she, because she had gone through this really traumatic thing, um, and not knowing that her friend was struggling for so, for so long that it made her view the world differently, that every person that has this internal battle. So when this person is coming up to you and yelling at you, most of the time it's not even about you, you know, there's something else going on. And I have really adapted that, um,
you know, in the past four years and you know, with COVID, I started out being a little bit like it's A or B, like there is no gray line, like it's black, it's white, it's right, it's wrong, you know, whatever. And through that whole process of like talking to people and trying to really come to a compromise, trying to reckon with my own, my own wants, needs, desires, as well as what's best for somebody else.
you know, trying to balance that world of being a human as well as a business owner, because sometimes being a business owner doesn't feel very human. It just feels like transactional, right? So really trying to balance that line. I learned so much about how to be truly empathetic to somebody. How to...
take a look at something and recognize that, you know what, maybe this is bigger than me. Like this really isn't about me, even though in the moment I just wanted to lash out and be like, you're being a jerk. ⁓ and it was, I was reading that book, unreasonable hospitality, which I know that I've mentioned here before. And, he says that he teaches his managers this idea of charitable assumption. You assume
that everyone's good, right? And their intentions are good. So when someone's late to work, your charitable assumption is that something happened at home, that they had a flat tire, that there was traffic. You don't assume that they're a horrible person because they're always late. You don't assume that they're taking advantage of you. You don't assume that they don't care, right? It's this idea of charitable assumption. And it has radically changed the way that I view
pretty much anybody in like that I interact with because I can feel it sometimes and you're just like, I'm feeling like disrespected or I'm feeling like someone's taking advantage of my time or someone is disrespectful of my time, my expertise, whatever it is, right? And I can feel that kind of guttural fire in your belly, right? Where you're just like, ⁓ like I'm so annoyed, I'm so irritated.
And I take a step back and I literally tell myself charitable assumption. I'm going to assume that this person, it's not about me, right? They're not doing this because they hate me. They're not doing this because they don't like me or because they don't respect me. They're doing this because there is something bigger going on in their life right now and they don't know how to make a good decision. You know, and, that will get you so far. mean, it'll, it'll get through the moment or whatever. And I'm not saying you should become a doormat and you shouldn't create boundaries. I've created lots of boundaries in my life.
but it also allows me to create that boundary without an emotion because I'm not doing it because I'm like mad at that person or I'm doing it because I think they're a horrible person. It's because you know what, like you're in a season of life where we just can't interact in a way that's helpful, but you know, I'm here when you need it. Right. so I, I really loved the fact that she talked about that because I think it is such an important part of being in the industry is having that
empathy. And, ⁓ and I think that, you know, when we are going through something that's really hard and really difficult and really, even traumatizing that sometimes being the one to show up for somebody else or being the one to serve somebody else can heal just a little bit of it, you know, one, one small piece at a time. So, ⁓ that was like kind of a heavy one today, wasn't it? Yeah. ⁓ well, I would love to hear from you guys.
I would love for you to tell me about a time when somebody had extreme empathy for you and how it changed kind of your perspective or even changed your situation or a time when you did something to serve someone else and it just healed a little part of your soul. So
Thank you guys for hanging out today. ⁓ I'll see you next time on Gathered Here.