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Why do female friendships feel so complicated?
In this episode of the Project Sisterhood Podcast, Chrissy sits down with longtime friends Danica and Nicole to talk honestly about why building meaningful friendships can be difficult for women. From insecurity and comparison to vulnerability and trust, they unpack the real obstacles that often get in the way of healthy sisterhood.
Through stories from their own lives and friendship, they share what it takes to build relationships that last and how God can use intentional community to strengthen women in every season of life.
— — — — — — — — — —
In this episode of the Project Sisterhood Podcast, Chrissy sits down with longtime friends Danica and Nicole to talk honestly about why building meaningful friendships can be difficult for women. From insecurity and comparison to vulnerability and trust, they unpack the real obstacles that often get in the way of healthy sisterhood.
Through stories from their own lives and friendship, they share what it takes to build relationships that last and how God can use intentional community to strengthen women in every season of life.
— — — — — — — — — —
If this episode encouraged you, share it with a friend and leave a review — it helps more women find Project Sisterhood 💛
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⛪️ Project Church:
Website: https://projectchurch.com
- (00:00) - Welcome to Project Sisterhood
- (01:02) - Meet Donica and Nikol
- (03:20) - How our friendship began
- (05:45) - The unexpected way our trio formed
- (08:10) - Friendship built on mission not convenience
- (10:20) - The biggest obstacles to female friendships
- (12:05) - Why insecurity ruins connection
- (14:05) - Why intentional friendships matter
- (16:10) - Staying connected through busy seasons
- (18:40) - Long term friendships and growing together
- (20:10) - Friendship deeper than brunch culture
- (22:45) - Why praying for your friends matters
- (24:30) - Walking through real life together
- (26:45) - The beginning of a deeper conversation
Creators and Guests
Host
Chrissy Cole
Chrissy’s parents moved to the U.S. from the Philippines in the late 70′s. She saw her parents both come to know the Lord at a young age. She and her family poured their lives into the local church and were changed by God. Chrissy attended Evangel University in Springfield, MO and earned a B.A. in Communications with an emphasis in Public Relations.
What is Project Sisterhood?
Project Sisterhood is a podcast for women who want to grow in faith, find healthy community, and become who God created them to be.
Hosted by Chrissy Cole and the Project Church Sisterhood team, each episode brings honest conversations and biblical encouragement centered on identity, belonging, spiritual maturity, healing, relationships, and purpose.
With a mix of humor, vulnerability, and real-life wisdom, Project Sisterhood creates space for women in every age and stage to feel seen, strengthened, and connected—because you were never meant to do life alone.
00;00;00;00 - 00;00;12;17
Nikol Cruz
I messaged you because you, there was a video and you picked something up with your foot, and it's the most Filipino thing. And so I just was like, hey.
00;00;12;19 - 00;00;41;22
Chrissy Cole
This is a Project sisterhood podcast for all things women, brother, youth, a purpose for ministry, motherhood for the marketplace. We have crucial and genuine conversations that transcend your season to impact your true identity as a woman. So light hearted. Possible. Honesty. Matters of the heart and soul to be encouraged. We hope you and all women of every age, at every stage, find life and freedom in Jesus and.
00;00;41;25 - 00;01;02;24
Chrissy Cole
Hey, ladies, welcome back to a Project Sisterhood podcast. I am thrilled. I am so thrilled for this next episode. This season has been wonderful. Getting to introduce all my friends to you. And so there's a couple friends that I really wanted to introduce you to, two ladies who are, I would say, pillars in our church, pillars in our sisterhood, and pillars in my life.
00;01;02;27 - 00;01;25;17
Chrissy Cole
Wow. Don't cry Kristy. But, without further ado, Danika and Nicole. Two ladies who I've known for over a decade. And. But it has been an honor to build relationship and kingdom with each of you. So, I want the people to really know you, not just by what you do. But that will give them context.
00;01;25;18 - 00;01;50;27
Chrissy Cole
And so these are two very dear friends, who I trust. Love, like I said, are pillars in the church, pillars in our lives, me and Caleb's wives and them and their husbands. And so let me introduce first, Danika. Danika. Since she's on the. And here, but, Danika, you've been with us at project Church, and have been my friend since then.
00;01;51;00 - 00;01;59;03
Chrissy Cole
So whether you wanted to or not, you're gonna be friends with the pastor, for, what, 12 years?
00;01;59;03 - 00;02;05;19
Donica Wilson
11 years? Yeah. It was the second week of you guys. I think it was at the assembly. Is that with the old club?
00;02;05;19 - 00;02;09;19
Chrissy Cole
Yep. Right. Yeah. So we're probably less than a year in or about a year in. Yeah.
00;02;09;20 - 00;02;10;25
Donica Wilson
Because you just moved there.
00;02;10;25 - 00;02;11;19
Chrissy Cole
Yes. Yes.
00;02;11;19 - 00;02;12;28
Donica Wilson
And that's when we started having a project.
00;02;13;05 - 00;02;33;22
Chrissy Cole
And so you and Sylvester came and it was just great meeting you. And I remember watching the way you loved women, and I didn't know you well, but just watching you the way you moved, the way you were aware and attentive to. And I didn't even know the depths in which you were attending to some of these women.
00;02;33;27 - 00;02;53;12
Chrissy Cole
But I could see the love. I could see the intention, I could see the care. And Caleb and I were deciding on board members. Yeah. And I said, we need her on there. Just the way you loved on people. And there was this leadership all over your life. And so, yeah, ever since then, I was like, I want her to be a part of my life, too.
00;02;53;12 - 00;02;57;11
Nikol Cruz
Again. Yeah. She wanted to organize you kind of project church.
00;02;57;12 - 00;03;02;14
Chrissy Cole
You're and become my friend. But that's how I make friends. It's good. Just kidding. Yeah.
00;03;02;15 - 00;03;08;15
Donica Wilson
No, it's been an honor. And. Yeah, it's crazy. When you said a decade, I was like, whoa.
00;03;08;17 - 00;03;10;09
Chrissy Cole
Yeah, that's a long time.
00;03;10;12 - 00;03;23;22
Donica Wilson
And how we have grown, the three of us. And then also individually and our friendship has been a blessing like it is, without a doubt. And answer prayer and amazing community and a lot of laughter.
00;03;23;22 - 00;03;33;13
Chrissy Cole
Yes. A lot of laughter. So in this crew, like, Danica makes sure that she keeps us emotional ones in line. Yeah.
00;03;33;15 - 00;03;35;00
Donica Wilson
And you guys are a big crybaby.
00;03;35;01 - 00;03;38;16
Nikol Cruz
Why do we want to her to or not? But us.
00;03;38;18 - 00;03;55;27
Chrissy Cole
Yeah. So quickly that that's Danica. And presently she is one of our boy. Oh, actually, you cycled off the board, but she's been on and off the board. We cycle board members on and off and have really trusted your wisdom inside. What do you do outside of, being a part of a church body?
00;03;55;27 - 00;04;11;09
Donica Wilson
Yeah. So outside of it, I'm a wife. And then I also work, I'm a director in a company about like what I love to do is during the summer, I love to teach. Yeah. And then I'm a teacher. But yeah I love being. Yeah. So it's several and an art so yeah.
00;04;11;09 - 00;04;17;25
Chrissy Cole
Yes. Love it. Yeah. And then this, this one here and Nicole Nicole.
00;04;17;25 - 00;04;18;14
Nikol Cruz
Cruz I.
00;04;18;14 - 00;04;43;12
Chrissy Cole
Don't know I we're so giggly. You've been with us for a long time as well. She's actually been a part of my family that I married until let me let me explain that. But currently on our board, each of these gals have served to some capacity on sisterhood leadership. And so, Nicole, she has, she was actually the first brown child of my in law family.
00;04;43;12 - 00;04;44;28
Chrissy Cole
This is okay that I can share, right? Yeah.
00;04;44;28 - 00;04;48;10
Nikol Cruz
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I named myself that. Yeah.
00;04;48;12 - 00;04;51;14
Chrissy Cole
You named herself, the A Brown child.
00;04;51;14 - 00;05;06;06
Nikol Cruz
Yeah. So my family, I grew up with Caleb's little sister. Brett. So we were, like, since fifth grade, best friends. And I just was always over at their house all the time, so I was just like, I'm your guys's brown child. And then it kind of stuck. Yes. So. Yeah.
00;05;06;08 - 00;05;12;26
Chrissy Cole
And then we got to know each other on Facebook. You were living across the country? Well, we didn't really get to know each other, but we connected there.
00;05;12;26 - 00;05;28;16
Nikol Cruz
I messaged you because you, there was a video and you picked something up with your foot, and it's the most Filipino thing. And so I just was like, hey, how do you remember what I said? Like, we were all really friends on Facebook. Yes.
00;05;28;16 - 00;05;36;00
Chrissy Cole
And we're pregnant at the same time. Yeah. Kids are a week apart. Yeah. And I yeah, definitely. I think I just sent you a meme this morning.
00;05;36;00 - 00;05;36;20
Nikol Cruz
Oh. Did you have it like.
00;05;36;21 - 00;05;41;03
Chrissy Cole
Oh, it's like some Filipino dude picking up a bunch of things with his feet. It is.
00;05;41;03 - 00;05;44;07
Nikol Cruz
It is a talent that Filipinos. Is that.
00;05;44;07 - 00;05;45;21
Donica Wilson
Clearly I don't.
00;05;45;27 - 00;05;53;14
Nikol Cruz
Know. Why did you pick that? You don't pick things up with your family. Not oh, so does anyone. Is it because we're lazy? It's easier? Or is it? Are we efficient?
00;05;53;14 - 00;05;55;10
Donica Wilson
Oh, maybe just culturally.
00;05;55;13 - 00;05;57;28
Chrissy Cole
Yes. And hopefully we're not calling Filipinos.
00;05;57;28 - 00;05;59;23
Nikol Cruz
No, not lazy. I meant we.
00;05;59;24 - 00;06;01;17
Chrissy Cole
Lazy, but efficient. Oh us both.
00;06;01;18 - 00;06;02;14
Nikol Cruz
Like, just like we.
00;06;02;14 - 00;06;05;20
Chrissy Cole
Don't want to bend over. Yes.
00;06;05;22 - 00;06;32;29
Chrissy Cole
Yes. Okay, okay. So you're brown, child number one. Yeah. Then I came to family. I became brown child number two. Yes. And I gladly took number two, because I love you so much. And I, we became friends pretty quickly. And I remember if you want to dive in, we don't have to dive in. But I remember going to the park with you for the first time, and our kids were three, and, our future in law kids are,
00;06;33;01 - 00;06;46;15
Chrissy Cole
Just kidding. I've never been that parent. But yes, I am that parent who loves your daughter so much that if my son, what happened to, you know, find her attractive and their friendship really blossoms, you know, like, maybe they would.
00;06;46;18 - 00;06;49;20
Nikol Cruz
I mean, they would have the best relationships come from friendships.
00;06;49;20 - 00;06;51;00
Chrissy Cole
Okay. So.
00;06;51;03 - 00;06;51;14
Nikol Cruz
You know.
00;06;51;14 - 00;07;00;13
Chrissy Cole
So we are at the park. Yes. You just moved back to California from Florida and we kind of hit. I would say we hit it off totally.
00;07;00;17 - 00;07;21;04
Nikol Cruz
Well, I remember the first time, we actually connected before the park was we were on you guys were on K Street, so probably was assembly too. I was out there with like my double stroller with both babies. And I walked in and then I think you saw me like out of the corner of your eye and of course like just how you are like.
00;07;21;06 - 00;07;22;05
Chrissy Cole
Ran over to you.
00;07;22;12 - 00;07;44;13
Nikol Cruz
Yeah. Ran over. It was like hi. And I just but I do remember feeling just a little insecure about being back in California. I was back by myself with my two kids and feeling so welcomed that morning because I had an incredible church family back in Florida. Yeah. And so I really was unsure of what that was going to look like here.
00;07;44;16 - 00;08;04;00
Nikol Cruz
Yeah. Yeah. And then the park. Yeah. I was like, trying to fill her in on my life. And it was a very complicated story. And then and I probably wasn't like giving. I was giving some detail, but not a ton of detail because I was still trying to figure out what's going on. And I was like, does that make sense?
00;08;04;03 - 00;08;08;02
Nikol Cruz
And she was like, no, no. It's like.
00;08;08;02 - 00;08;15;28
Chrissy Cole
Super, honestly, from the beginning. And I was like, oh, she has a lot to unpack. I'm just kind of, I don't know, this makes zero sense.
00;08;15;28 - 00;08;16;17
Nikol Cruz
Doesn't make sense.
00;08;16;21 - 00;08;17;16
Chrissy Cole
I thought, yeah, crazy.
00;08;17;19 - 00;08;18;02
Donica Wilson
Saying that.
00;08;18;02 - 00;08;20;18
Nikol Cruz
100%. Yeah yeah yeah. Like yeah.
00;08;20;20 - 00;08;27;07
Chrissy Cole
Yeah. But then since then we've obviously grown. Yes. Through many different seasons.
00;08;27;09 - 00;08;29;08
Nikol Cruz
Now, you know, every detail. I leave nothing out.
00;08;29;10 - 00;08;36;12
Chrissy Cole
Yeah. And so what, what a joy it has been. And I don't even know how the three of us ended up.
00;08;36;14 - 00;08;39;04
Donica Wilson
I know I was thinking about that earlier. Yeah, I think I.
00;08;39;05 - 00;08;40;01
Nikol Cruz
Just know I.
00;08;40;01 - 00;08;48;02
Donica Wilson
Don't know, I think it's just like happened. Yeah. With like, intentionality, don't get me wrong. But like, I can't think of a pivotal moment. Yeah. When it was just like.
00;08;48;05 - 00;08;51;10
Nikol Cruz
Now I think it was really organic. Yeah. I think it's really organic.
00;08;51;10 - 00;09;13;02
Chrissy Cole
And I think so something that I appreciate about this friendship is that we can each have close with each other without feeling any kind of way 100%. And I don't think that's normal. And I think that's, yeah. I can say in other friendships, I probably have felt that way and then but I think with us there has been something that is divine.
00;09;13;02 - 00;09;26;04
Chrissy Cole
Yeah. Because I think we've been connected not just in friendship and, being able to have people that we can go out to brunch with or people that we enjoy Friday night out with. Right. It's really like we are on mission.
00;09;26;05 - 00;09;26;16
Donica Wilson
Yeah.
00;09;26;20 - 00;09;51;19
Chrissy Cole
Always have been on mission for the Kingdom of God, and we have to be serving something greater than our friendship when we are in lonely seasons. I think there's moments where we can crave what God's not wanting to fulfill in that season of whatever emotion we're feeling. I think loneliness can sometimes be, figured out or a hold on.
00;09;51;22 - 00;09;59;13
Chrissy Cole
But how do I say this? I think that loneliness can be satisfied outside of female friendships.
00;09;59;16 - 00;10;00;06
Nikol Cruz
Yeah, yeah, you.
00;10;00;06 - 00;10;16;26
Chrissy Cole
Know what I'm saying? It's almost like we need God to fulfill our identity and our God given purpose and mission before we bring others along. Yeah. I feel like if we bring others along in our loneliness, then we can make some unhealthy attachments.
00;10;16;26 - 00;10;17;14
Nikol Cruz
Totally.
00;10;17;16 - 00;10;35;22
Chrissy Cole
And I've seen that happen in my life as well. Yeah. So what? I love that we've always been on mission. I always knew there was a call of God, on your life for women. The way I saw you moving and operating, I've always known that there's been a call of God on women. So I just want these ladies to know that they're hearing women who love women.
00;10;35;22 - 00;10;36;05
Nikol Cruz
Yeah, yeah.
00;10;36;12 - 00;10;53;26
Chrissy Cole
And love friendship. Yes. And so, what do you think are the biggest obstacles? I know we've talked a lot about sisterhood and friendship as much this season, but, what do you think are the obstacles to having something that is a divine connection of sisterhood?
00;10;53;29 - 00;10;57;03
Nikol Cruz
I would say that sometimes we just get in the way of ourselves.
00;10;57;09 - 00;10;57;19
Chrissy Cole
Yeah.
00;10;57;20 - 00;11;09;24
Nikol Cruz
You know, and I think that in order to have, like, true connection and like this divine friendship, it just requires a level of, like, honesty.
00;11;09;24 - 00;11;10;14
Donica Wilson
Yeah.
00;11;10;16 - 00;11;17;01
Nikol Cruz
And, what sort of,
00;11;17;04 - 00;11;18;00
Nikol Cruz
There's that,
00;11;18;03 - 00;11;18;16
Chrissy Cole
Authenticity.
00;11;18;21 - 00;11;41;14
Nikol Cruz
Ability. It requires, so much vulnerability. And I think sometimes that's hard. I think the hard, because it's really easy for us and with other women to just get worried about, like, what are they thinking? Being insecure about things and all that. And so I think that's something that just so easily gets in the way of just being your true self.
00;11;41;17 - 00;11;58;06
Donica Wilson
Yeah. I mean, I think like you had it with your, your own being secure, like, yeah, we're able to stay close and then individually because I am not threatened by Nicole and I'm not threatened by Chrissy. Yeah. We are in one mission doing one thing. Yeah. And like, we I want you to win, because when you win, we all went right?
00;11;58;06 - 00;12;16;12
Donica Wilson
Because you both are someone that will look behind and make sure you're bringing someone alongside of you. So it's very easy in that space. And we create safe spaces, right? We are very intentional about creating safe spaces and protecting those. Yeah, because it's got to be a little bit of both. And then for me, I think what's also been great is the fact that I had it modeled so well.
00;12;16;12 - 00;12;34;16
Donica Wilson
And I know not everyone has that. Yeah. So it's almost like if you don't have it, find it somewhere. Yeah. And good. Because you can. I had it modeled well with my mom and my godmother. They've been friends for over 40 years. Yeah. So just to see them fight for one another. Yeah. Love one another line. Do the hard times pray for one another.
00;12;34;16 - 00;12;34;29
Chrissy Cole
Yeah.
00;12;34;29 - 00;12;57;00
Donica Wilson
When they know it and when they don't know it. Yeah. And like being in the military both of, my godmother and my dad, I mean, my godfather and my dad were in the military, so we moved around. Yeah. And but they still stay connected. Come on. I remember when my godmother actually came and lived with us because she was going through a divorce with her three boys at the time, and my dad was their father, like, so I it just modeled.
00;12;57;00 - 00;13;03;16
Donica Wilson
That makes me realize how I need to show up in people's lives, because it was very much so like, oh, you can't do life alone, right?
00;13;03;16 - 00;13;03;28
Chrissy Cole
Yeah.
00;13;04;03 - 00;13;06;05
Nikol Cruz
And you show up and be like, oh, well.
00;13;06;08 - 00;13;07;16
Donica Wilson
Like you're so sweet.
00;13;07;18 - 00;13;18;10
Chrissy Cole
So well, like everybody who knows Monica knows that they're going to be in a safe place. Yes. And are somehow going to be taken care of above and beyond what you ever expected.
00;13;18;10 - 00;13;26;12
Nikol Cruz
Yeah. And you call us higher, like. Yeah. And even in this, you know what I mean? Just how how you do life and how you truly show up for people.
00;13;26;14 - 00;13;30;04
Donica Wilson
Yes. Right. Yeah I see the same. It is definitely ironing, shopping and ironing with the three of us.
00;13;30;04 - 00;13;30;24
Nikol Cruz
Yeah, yeah.
00;13;30;26 - 00;13;32;22
Donica Wilson
But yeah. Needed.
00;13;32;24 - 00;13;59;02
Chrissy Cole
Yeah I would say I love the intention that you're talking about. And I really never thought about that whole military component. But when you're moving around and season changes so quickly, so quickly, not just like, I mean, we've walked a lot of seasons because we've been in the same place for a decade. But if you're moving around and still maintaining right relationship, man, that that's huge because I you know, admittedly I can be an out of sight, out of mind person.
00;13;59;02 - 00;14;00;18
Chrissy Cole
And so I'm like, baby.
00;14;00;21 - 00;14;01;03
Donica Wilson
It's very.
00;14;01;03 - 00;14;01;12
Chrissy Cole
Easy.
00;14;01;12 - 00;14;02;06
Nikol Cruz
Yeah, yeah.
00;14;02;13 - 00;14;03;15
Donica Wilson
Because life gets.
00;14;03;15 - 00;14;04;22
Chrissy Cole
Busy. Yeah.
00;14;04;25 - 00;14;07;00
Donica Wilson
Whether it's intentional or not, it's just easy.
00;14;07;03 - 00;14;09;09
Chrissy Cole
So how have we stayed intentional?
00;14;09;12 - 00;14;30;01
Donica Wilson
Ooh. Well, the one thing that we do and that we protect really well that I love is we have the December birthday group. Oh yeah. Which is a highlight I know. Yeah. In the Wilson household. So yeah. You know there's three people in our group that have birthdays in December. You two. And then my husband. Yeah. So we always make sure that we celebrate.
00;14;30;01 - 00;14;34;29
Donica Wilson
I don't know how Caleb Ralph and I got like left out.
00;14;35;01 - 00;14;37;00
Nikol Cruz
We don't celebrate your birthday.
00;14;37;00 - 00;14;40;25
Donica Wilson
Not in the same fashion, but we all three of the rules reap the rewards.
00;14;40;25 - 00;14;41;04
Nikol Cruz
For the.
00;14;41;05 - 00;14;46;26
Donica Wilson
December birthday. But we have, like, really stayed on them. And that's probably.
00;14;46;26 - 00;14;50;00
Chrissy Cole
It's like the one thing that we plan all year.
00;14;50;03 - 00;14;51;28
Nikol Cruz
Yes. Like in the 6000 group.
00;14;51;28 - 00;15;13;14
Chrissy Cole
Yes, yes. And I mean, I think that there's a misconception that we have to hang out every weekend, every month, and it's just there's so much grace. And yes, that that expectation level has not, disrupted our connection. You know what I mean? I think that those, those expectations and unmet unmet expectations really ruin relationships and friendships.
00;15;13;17 - 00;15;31;21
Nikol Cruz
Well, and I think we all know that, like, life is busy, we are all busy. We all have a lot going on. So if we don't live necessarily like close to each other, right. So if you can just meet up for a cup of coffee, what do we do? We like we voice text each other. We do. We are thread is always going off about bang.
00;15;31;22 - 00;15;42;19
Nikol Cruz
So I think we find ways to stay intentional and stay in contact. And it doesn't mean we get together once a week and we have lunch. That would be incredible. But we just. Yeah, it just doesn't happen.
00;15;42;22 - 00;16;05;19
Chrissy Cole
Yeah. Not possible. I think what's unique about both of you and when I compare it to my life and that's unique and different from mine, is that you each had friend groups that were super solid, you know, that you have brought into your adult years. But I mean, I know that I've become, you know, a much more, you know, important, significant friend than the rest.
00;16;05;19 - 00;16;26;23
Chrissy Cole
But I'm just kidding. Absolutely. Says the person who didn't have that. Yeah, but tell me about the friend groups that you brought up with you, because this isn't, oh, this is a project church or, pastor friend. This is just who each of you guys are. Yeah. So tell me about those friendship groups, because I think I think they would love to get shouted out to go ahead.
00;16;27;01 - 00;16;48;01
Donica Wilson
So I have five girls. This a total of six of us that we have been friends, some of us since seventh grade. And then there's a couple that moved in right around eight, ninth, 10th grade. And we were thinking, Steve's back in high school and our relationship still continues now. And we are spread out literally from coast to coast.
00;16;48;01 - 00;17;08;26
Donica Wilson
We've got East Coast in the west, we've got the South covered, and then the middle, south, west, whatever you want to call it. Anyways, and so we stay in contact. We grew up together in high school and like I've told you guys, they have my past. They have my past memories. Yeah, my dad passed away. So when I'm with them, I just naturally feel closer to him because we talk about him.
00;17;08;26 - 00;17;26;26
Donica Wilson
Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm sure in a similar way, yeah. With you and your high school girls. But it is so important in that we're in each other's lives. There is. Without a shadow of doubt, I would not be the woman who I am without them. I mean, like, without you guys. So that intentionality, I guess, started really at a young age.
00;17;26;26 - 00;17;48;00
Donica Wilson
And just knowing how to replicate that. Yeah. And yeah, I love them. Absolutely love every single one of them. We meet, we try to meet up at least once a year, but it doesn't always happen. But in the same fashion, we're constantly talking, texting each other. Yeah, a friend of mine, son just graduated from basic training and she blew up our post and we are all showering him with loves and kisses.
00;17;48;00 - 00;17;50;11
Donica Wilson
So yeah, yeah, I love him.
00;17;50;13 - 00;18;14;15
Nikol Cruz
Well, I would say I do have a high school group. It's different. It's a little bit different. Like I think now everyone I mean we're all spread out. Everyone has is everyone's married, everyone has kids. And, we don't we don't talk to everyone doesn't talk to each other regularly. But I know without a shadow of a doubt, all it takes is like one text message to anyone of the five.
00;18;14;17 - 00;18;28;02
Nikol Cruz
And they would be there. And I think that it's that history. I mean, we've all known each other since fifth grade. Some of the girls in the group, had known each other. Hinder. But I think it's just those lifelong friends.
00;18;28;02 - 00;18;29;17
Donica Wilson
That it's.
00;18;29;19 - 00;18;51;09
Nikol Cruz
That, you know, that no matter what, like we all, we've all grown up, we're different and we see differently on so many things. But at the end of the day, what we have in common is our love and for each other. Right? Yeah. And then I also, I was in Florida for ten years, and so I was really blessed to meet some incredible friendship there.
00;18;51;11 - 00;18;58;00
Nikol Cruz
And as much as social media can be annoying, it is so helpful to like, yeah, keep up with people's lives and to be able to see what's going on.
00;18;58;00 - 00;18;58;27
Donica Wilson
Yeah, yeah.
00;18;58;29 - 00;19;08;14
Nikol Cruz
So yeah, I, I've, I feel really blessed to have had the women in my life that I, that I do have. Yeah. And I don't take it lightly on her.
00;19;08;15 - 00;19;09;07
Donica Wilson
Yeah, yeah.
00;19;09;13 - 00;19;29;04
Chrissy Cole
For me it was my three blood sisters, you know. So that's what I've taken and but I think I want to encourage women that, to not, leave out those friendships, you know. Yeah. And there's moments where I have been, like, out of sight, out of mind. Well, I can't do that to my sisters. Yeah, but, you know, I think it's really beautiful.
00;19;29;10 - 00;19;44;08
Chrissy Cole
And, to carry those kinds of, friends that you've had for years. And if you don't have them, start them right, I don't know that I would have thought that we would be friends this long. I mean, like.
00;19;44;11 - 00;19;46;26
Nikol Cruz
Tell us how you really feel, because I know it was like.
00;19;46;26 - 00;19;48;06
Donica Wilson
When you first met us, you were.
00;19;48;08 - 00;20;07;22
Chrissy Cole
Like, yeah. Yeah. I didn't know that it would blossom into this, you know? And I'm like, especially somebody who's like, oh, that's my sister in law's best friend. Did I think she'd become my best friend? Now? Somebody who I wanted on our board did. I think that that would fulfill a personal friendship and the way you guys have, and I kind of want to move into that.
00;20;07;22 - 00;20;23;28
Chrissy Cole
The way you guys have, done friendship in a godly manner. Yeah. I don't just again, I, I'm not just looking, and I don't want us to just look for gal pals that we can. Right. Go to brunch with. Yeah. Correct. Like, and fill our social schedule.
00;20;24;00 - 00;20;24;26
Donica Wilson
Yes.
00;20;24;28 - 00;20;26;21
Chrissy Cole
Are you praying for me?
00;20;26;21 - 00;20;26;29
Nikol Cruz
Right?
00;20;26;29 - 00;20;45;02
Chrissy Cole
Yes. Am I praying for you? Yes, yes. And there's. There's something that girls, if you want somebody praying over you. These are the girls, you know, like this is who you want. Praying into your life. And I think we've been through some really well, can we talk about some of the hard things that we have been through that prayer really.
00;20;45;02 - 00;20;46;17
Chrissy Cole
Right. Carried us through.
00;20;46;19 - 00;20;47;11
Donica Wilson
Yeah.
00;20;47;13 - 00;21;06;29
Chrissy Cole
I mean, I feel like I talk about all my stuff and everybody knows it from the pulpit. So when I was crashing out before I turned 40, who did I go to? Danika. Nicole. Because I was I felt like Dumb and Dumber, where you're like, my pet heads are falling off, you know? But it was like, my wrist is jacked up, my back is jacked up, I my jaw is locked up.
00;21;06;29 - 00;21;09;15
Chrissy Cole
But for 7.5 hours, that's how it was.
00;21;09;18 - 00;21;11;07
Donica Wilson
That story.
00;21;11;09 - 00;21;27;19
Chrissy Cole
That's a funny story. Now we'll share about that another podcast. But if you've been coming to church, you know you know it. But it was just a really hard time going from one decade to the next. And there was friendship fallout and I needed. I was like, I'm just going to tell you guys, no, I need you.
00;21;27;20 - 00;21;28;02
Donica Wilson
You know.
00;21;28;02 - 00;21;29;26
Chrissy Cole
Like, I don't know if you remember that I.
00;21;29;26 - 00;21;34;08
Nikol Cruz
Do I trying okay, good. I was like, we do it that way. Yeah, yeah.
00;21;34;10 - 00;21;36;07
Chrissy Cole
Yeah we do. We crash.
00;21;36;07 - 00;21;38;07
Nikol Cruz
Yeah I might, I would yeah.
00;21;38;08 - 00;22;02;08
Donica Wilson
Yeah it wasn't I wouldn't say that either. But it's also like okay, to answer your question, there's obviously you guys have been very close and pivotal and walking away at Sinai through our IVF. Right. And unfortunately we haven't conceived through IVF yet. But the last cycle that we went through, I will say that was probably the most yeah, 100% the most angry I was with God, not angry and enough.
00;22;02;08 - 00;22;18;02
Donica Wilson
And I know I could be mad with him because I know he gave me those emotions. Yeah, but at the same time, it is your prayers and the prayers from my high school girls and just that intimate group, because it doesn't take many. And you know, I'm also in this season, very private about it for a number of reasons.
00;22;18;06 - 00;22;20;02
Donica Wilson
Really not. But,
00;22;20;04 - 00;22;20;21
Chrissy Cole
Hello.
00;22;20;23 - 00;22;43;28
Donica Wilson
Yeah. It is your prayers. That sustained me because I wasn't praying. I'll be honest, I was not praying, I was upset, I was mad. Yeah. And but at the same time that I'm mad and, like, talking to God about it, I'm also like. But thank you, Jesus, for my friend group, because I felt those are moments where you feel those prayers that gave you the strength to be like, all right, morning will come.
00;22;43;28 - 00;23;00;29
Donica Wilson
Yeah, let's get up. Let's continue. Like it's okay to be angry. Let's just work through this anger. Yeah, right. And I worked through it with God. But I know that if I did not have women that believe like I believe that prayed for me, truly comfort for me. Yeah. And truly sought after. I would not have made it out as quickly.
00;23;01;03 - 00;23;13;07
Donica Wilson
Yeah. And I probably would have been a little bit more jaded, you know, because there was I mean, anger was real, you know, frustrated with God in the moment. But it was never at a point where, like, you won't do it or I hate you, God, which is more like.
00;23;13;10 - 00;23;14;22
Nikol Cruz
Oh, wow. Yes. Yeah.
00;23;14;22 - 00;23;21;00
Donica Wilson
You know, and at the same time you're in the why I'm like and why am I also telling you I love you, you know. Yeah.
00;23;21;01 - 00;23;21;27
Nikol Cruz
Right. Right. Yeah.
00;23;21;29 - 00;23;36;03
Donica Wilson
And I'm like, oh, I know why. Yeah. Because these women are crying out for me and assuring that I will not take my eyes off of you. Yeah. So that's like the latest, like I will say, clearly knowing that I can look back and I know without a shadow of a doubt, I made it through with because.
00;23;36;04 - 00;23;36;28
Chrissy Cole
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00;23;36;29 - 00;23;39;10
Donica Wilson
Because of you. Yeah. Obviously it was my husband too, but.
00;23;39;13 - 00;23;47;17
Chrissy Cole
Right, right. And then the husband's, I think they had a prayer call that I was. So I was like, let's go back inside now.
00;23;47;19 - 00;23;53;01
Donica Wilson
I even told me, I mean, he was like, you don't know how much that changed my life. And in my head, I'm like, I do now.
00;23;53;02 - 00;23;54;04
Nikol Cruz
Yeah.
00;23;54;06 - 00;24;00;04
Donica Wilson
I do now because I know what it meant to me. But yeah, I let them. And I was like, what you guys talk about? Obviously he kept it very private.
00;24;00;04 - 00;24;02;06
Nikol Cruz
Yeah, yeah, they always share.
00;24;02;07 - 00;24;03;20
Donica Wilson
They always.
00;24;03;23 - 00;24;10;15
Nikol Cruz
Know. And yeah, I mean I feel like I'm always one. There's nothing.
00;24;10;18 - 00;24;11;09
Donica Wilson
I.
00;24;11;09 - 00;24;42;25
Nikol Cruz
Am I mean yeah, we have gone through some crazy things. I mean, I came back to California by myself with two kids, got divorced. My dad died. My grandma died like my mom is, you know, diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. So I don't know what I would do without these guys. Like, it has been a lot, but I think, I, I feel so grateful.
00;24;42;25 - 00;25;07;01
Nikol Cruz
Here we go. I feel so grateful, that God has given me, women. I know that not everyone has that, and so I, I want to acknowledge that. And I want to say, like, this isn't anything that, like, we conjured up, like, it really is. It's really like it's a divine thing. And, and it's a blessing.
00;25;07;01 - 00;25;30;13
Nikol Cruz
And I acknowledge that, but it's not an impossible thing. It's not. It's not like everybody has their people, and maybe not everyone's found their people, but but God has some. God has women and a sisterhood for you to walk with. Yeah, yeah. And obviously there's sisterhood here at project. Yeah. But then there's also like an intimate sisterhood.
00;25;30;13 - 00;25;55;03
Nikol Cruz
Yeah. Yeah. So anyways, I think that we have all said Hallelujah and the hard thing. Yeah. You know, shout out, Brian and Katie to our office. Yes. But but truly. And when one of us was unable to say hallelujah in the middle, you know, of walking through that valley. Yeah, we knew that there was one.
00;25;55;08 - 00;26;05;26
Nikol Cruz
There was two other people. Yeah, that were saying it for us, and that was and that were holding us up. So, yeah, I think what was the original question?
00;26;05;29 - 00;26;11;14
Chrissy Cole
What what hard things do we have? We walk through. Oh, yeah. Has really. Yeah. Sustained us.
00;26;11;14 - 00;26;25;01
Nikol Cruz
Yeah. No, I mean, real life, like, we have real life. Yes. We have gone through some. Yeah, some real stuff. And it is by God's grace and. Yeah. And, and the prayers of our sisters. Yeah. I think really have been able to push us forward.
00;26;25;02 - 00;26;25;12
Donica Wilson
Yeah.
00;26;25;13 - 00;26;52;15
Chrissy Cole
Right. I love that you said you may not have found your people, but I don't know that you guys, especially with knowing you had so many friends already. You had it wasn't like you were in want for that, right, necessarily, but you were just the people who showed up for others. And that I think, produced what you probably didn't realize you were going to produce.
00;26;52;17 - 00;26;59;09
Chrissy Cole
You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, I just think that if we get to the place where we can be what we hope other people.
00;26;59;09 - 00;27;01;08
Donica Wilson
100%, yes, yes, yes, it will.
00;27;01;08 - 00;27;21;18
Chrissy Cole
Come back to you. Well, yeah. And so I, I think I've had, moments of frustration. I remember back in, one was that it was in high school. I did not have a lot of those deep, close friends. I played on teams, tennis, basketball. I had these teams, but it wasn't like these girls that I was doing life with.
00;27;21;18 - 00;27;41;10
Chrissy Cole
It was public school. I didn't have a lot of Christians around me or Christian girls. And so I always craved these relationships. Yeah. And so, I think there were seasons where I was like looking for them, seeking after them. And then that just left me with unhealthy attachments. And then but then college came and I got that's where I see my friends.
00;27;41;10 - 00;27;42;26
Chrissy Cole
And I just realized, just show up.
00;27;42;26 - 00;27;43;06
Nikol Cruz
Yeah.
00;27;43;06 - 00;27;57;22
Chrissy Cole
To show up for people the way you want them to show up. Yeah. And then you're not, you're not forcing things. You're not getting disappointed. So easily, and. Yeah, just, just be what you want others to be, right? To you and God will. And.
00;27;57;23 - 00;28;01;04
Nikol Cruz
Yeah, just to say that trust that God knows.
00;28;01;06 - 00;28;01;15
Donica Wilson
Yeah.
00;28;01;15 - 00;28;16;00
Nikol Cruz
And he's going to bring the right people in your life. And maybe it's only for a season that's, you know what I mean. And I think ultimately it's snowing like I can't control it anyway. Yeah I can't, you know what I mean. Yeah. So you just show up and you do your best. Yeah.
00;28;16;03 - 00;28;20;09
Chrissy Cole
It's hard to say. Maybe just for a season because their seasons, like, I.
00;28;20;09 - 00;28;21;27
Nikol Cruz
Don't think that applies here. No, it's.
00;28;21;27 - 00;28;23;23
Chrissy Cole
Not allowed to. So you think that.
00;28;24;00 - 00;28;24;21
Donica Wilson
It's our very last?
00;28;24;22 - 00;28;27;13
Nikol Cruz
Yeah. We're very lucky that. Yes.
00;28;27;15 - 00;28;32;17
Chrissy Cole
Yeah. And I do think that some, some relationships do have to be like go on.
00;28;32;20 - 00;28;33;00
Donica Wilson
Yes.
00;28;33;02 - 00;28;56;11
Chrissy Cole
And can you let go of them and trust that God will restore or bring something else new? Or maybe that relationship needs to die in the season. That is. And he'll resurrected another time. Yeah. You know, I just oh man, our hearts just go through it through with friendship. So I think I'm so passionate about it because like, I know how much it has hurt me, but I know how much it can sustain.
00;28;56;11 - 00;29;00;03
Chrissy Cole
Yeah, that fill me after intimacy with Jesus.
00;29;00;05 - 00;29;00;25
Nikol Cruz
Yes.
00;29;00;27 - 00;29;08;20
Chrissy Cole
So let's talk about this real quick, because some people might listen to this and they maybe they and these girls are just a click, you know, are we a click?
00;29;08;20 - 00;29;32;08
Donica Wilson
I don't I don't think so. But we are like I think all I think all friendships in some way, shape or form are clicks. Right. Because you're a group of people hang out. Right. But I don't think clicks are necessarily bad. I think we've had maybe bad misconceptions, or maybe you've been a part of what you thought was a bad click or been on the receiving end.
00;29;32;09 - 00;29;35;01
Donica Wilson
Yeah. Of what a mean girl click could look like.
00;29;35;01 - 00;29;39;28
Chrissy Cole
Yeah. Mean girl, I know, talk about it.
00;29;40;01 - 00;29;40;26
Nikol Cruz
I know you.
00;29;40;26 - 00;29;41;19
Donica Wilson
Guys.
00;29;41;22 - 00;29;44;09
Nikol Cruz
I wasn't a mean girl. Okay? We're saying.
00;29;44;09 - 00;29;45;02
Chrissy Cole
This because.
00;29;45;03 - 00;29;46;10
Donica Wilson
Because.
00;29;46;14 - 00;29;54;10
Nikol Cruz
Because when. Okay, so my dad used to call us, mean Girls.
00;29;54;10 - 00;29;55;05
Chrissy Cole
Your high school group.
00;29;55;05 - 00;30;14;21
Nikol Cruz
My high school girls. Yeah, by the last. And so to this day, we have his name is Santi. So we have a group chat, and its name sounds Mean Girls. But. So when we were originally talking about clicks, my perception was like, wait, clicks are bad, but I think it's also, I grew up in a small Christian school.
00;30;14;23 - 00;30;39;12
Nikol Cruz
And there was five of us, and I'm sure a lot of people perceived that we were mean girls. Or maybe some of us was, I won't name names, but, yeah. So I think I kind of was like, you don't want to be a click. Clicks are bad. But then knowing like after we were talking about it like there is a level of, like intimacy there.
00;30;39;13 - 00;30;40;04
Donica Wilson
Is.
00;30;40;06 - 00;30;47;23
Nikol Cruz
And not you can't be everyone's best friend. You can't. And I think I think that's the reality of it. And sometimes it can be perceived as something that is actually not.
00;30;47;23 - 00;31;14;10
Donica Wilson
Yeah, it can be. Yeah. Yeah. It's when you're a click you're not necessarily at least let's okay, let's refer it back to my high school girls. You're not necessarily saying no, we don't want you in. Right. Because you're still inviting people and you're still hanging out with them. It's just the five of us kind of go away or the three of us have our own intimate conversations that are a little bit deeper and, and a little bit more protected, because to hear me at a point, you can't tell everyone everything.
00;31;14;10 - 00;31;16;17
Donica Wilson
It's just not using wisdom that God is giving you.
00;31;16;17 - 00;31;33;03
Nikol Cruz
Literally about saying, like, there's wisdom and having people that you trust. Yes. And not everyone should have access. Yes to like I should not be talking to ten different women about why my husband annoyed me, right? That's not why. No, like you have.
00;31;33;03 - 00;31;34;05
Donica Wilson
Like slander that it.
00;31;34;05 - 00;31;43;00
Nikol Cruz
Does like you have it. You have to have trusted people. Yes. And that is going to look differently. Yes. And so it may look like.
00;31;43;01 - 00;31;58;08
Donica Wilson
Right. Yeah. And trusted people who call you out, call you higher and let you know when you're wrong. Yeah, right. And won't change how they view someone. Like, I think we've all had conversations about being frustrated. We'll just keep it at our husbands because we know that they love them. We know. Yeah, that we've all been frustrated with.
00;31;58;08 - 00;32;14;25
Donica Wilson
But it never changes how you treat my husband, nor how you view someone where in other situations. It could potentially. Yeah. When you're saying I'm frustrated at X, Y, z and all of a sudden they're like, well, he does that. That's that's why I should, you know. Yeah. So that's what I also think it's also important about it.
00;32;14;25 - 00;32;24;22
Chrissy Cole
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. This conversation I don't want to end and it's going a little long, but I want it to continue for another episode. So let's hang on right there.